


Follow your Arrow

by Wierdowithagun



Series: Follow Your Arrow [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Awkward situations, Bisexuality, Cigarettes, Drama, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Grumpy Old Men, Homosexuality, Humor, Idiots in Love, Lemons, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Moderate Violence, Musical References, Passion, Past Drug Use, Platonic Romance, Realistic, Romance, Rough Sex, Smoking, Songfic, Swearing, Talkative Itachi, Temperamental Hidan, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-16
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-04 22:46:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 263,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1795981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wierdowithagun/pseuds/Wierdowithagun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"When the straight and narrow gets a little too straight, just follow your arrow wherever it points." -Kacey Musgraves<br/>Doctor Kakuzu Hoku had followed one straight and narrow path his entire life in the pursuit of his one and only love; Money. Dubbed the 'asshole of the century' he constantly finds himself having to get new secretaries via his old friend Kisame Hoshigaki, the friendly and easy-going human resources worker. Unfortunately for Kakuzu, Kisame makes a bit of an error sending him his latest employee while trying to help out one of <i>his</i> friends, a man by the name of Itachi Uchiha, who's new roommate has been having a hard time finding work due to his less than spectacular legal history.</p><p>Hidan San is 'desperately afraid of his own desires', and throughout his unfortunate life has never managed to find a place he could really call home, or people he could really call friends, until he accepts a job in a last-ditch effort to appease his roommate that ends up sticking him with the man he's come to know as Dr. Satan. After a string of self-realizations and mini-panic attacks, they find themselves suddenly on a completely new path that greets them both with surprise after surprise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: Warning, each character in this alternate reality fic is flawed, meaning they are meant to be portrayed realistically and are not perfect, therefore, some of their thoughts, actions, or monologs might be offensive or cause emotional triggers.
> 
> Thanks for reading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sort of a self challenge.
> 
> This story started out as just a cute little love story in my head that incorporates aspects of real life that a lot of other fictions leave out.  
> It turned into something far more meaningful, to me at least. But if you asked me to explain why it would take a novel, which this already is.  
> Go read, and I hope you enjoy, and eventually understand. :)

"I'm sorry sir... It's just that.."

"Just that what? You're an ungrateful brat?"

The expression on the blonde womans face contorted horribly in a mixture of insult and anger.

Kakuzu knew this look, he knew it well. Many receptionists before her had given him the exact expression just before they quit. It seemed this one would be doing the same.

"Hurry up, get out with it. I have a real job to attend to." He said, going back to his paperwork and waving her off.

The pain left her face and was replaced with full on anger, her skin turning a nice violet that the older man might admire if he had a notion to care for other human beings.

"Sir, I've been wanting to say this for as long as I've worked for you-"

"Then for the love of my sanity woman! Say it!" He interrupted. She was quitting anyway, why not piss her off as much as he could?

In all honesty the girl was sweet and bright and could easily get a far better job than his secretary. The only thing she lacked, as did all the other poor interns who wandered into Dr. Hoku's office, was backbone. Some employers may not like being talked back to, might not like being disrespected, but the hard truth of the world was that if you ever wanted to become anything worthwhile in your short time on this earth, you had to be an asshole.

"I HATE YOU!" She nearly shrieked, unable to hold back her wrathful tears any longer. "I HATE YOU AND YOUR ARROGANT, SELF-RIGHTEOUS, NARCISSISTIC ATTITUDE! I've never come across a more infuriating man in my life! I was a good person before I came to work for your miserable, money-grubbing self! Now I spend my nights wishing you would die the most painful death ever and I hate it and IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! SCREW YOUR TWO WEEKS NOTICE,  _I QUIT!_ BURN IN HELL YOU OLD CODGER!" She screeched, face a burning crimson now with makeup and tears streaking down her cheeks. She frantically maneuvered the key to the small building off her keychain and threw it at him as hard as she could and then turned around and stormed out.

Kakuzu didn't even move throughout the pitiful display. They key missed him entirely and clacked against the tiled wall behind him, then tinkled as it fell to the floor, bounced, and settled itself.

He sat in utter silence until he heard the employee entrance to the little clinic slam, sending an impressive little quake through the poorly built establishment.

"Hm. I'll give you a six." He muttered to the empty room, going back to his paperwork. "Too much emotion, bad aim. Can't take anyone seriously when they squawk like that..."

That was all well and good. She'd passed, at the very least. He would certainly give her a good review if she actually decided to put aside her grudge and write him down as a reference for whatever occupation she chose next.

In the meantime, he was already backed up as it was on his paperwork, his accountant was on his ass about keeping closer track of his earnings, as if he didn't keep it under lock and key. And with it being flu season, there was no time to waste.

Kakuzu Hoku may be the self-proclaimed most successful doctor in the county, but he simply could not handle an entire business on his own.

And thus, the search for a new secretary must begin immediately.

He slapped down his pen and rubbed his temples at this thought. Damn. He needed a secretary to hire secretaries for him. There was simply no time for anything anymore, it seemed.

How he missed the good days when having a job actually meant something, when workers wouldn't simply give up a paying job because their boss made them cry themselves to sleep and contemplate homicide...times had changed far too fast for him.

He sighed finally and picked up the phone, stabbed at one of the labeled speed-dial buttons, and pushed up his half-moon glasses so he could massage the corners of his eyes as he waited for someone to pick up on the other end.

Finally a few clicking noises sounded, he heard a muffled voice in the background speaking to someone else before they responded to him.

" _Just a sec I gotta answer this one, it's a close friend._ Eeyy Kakuzu, she finally get fed up with your shit I take it?"

"I wouldn't be calling otherwise, as 'close' as we are, Kisame." He replied wearily.

"Ahaha, you heard that... I guess putting your hand over the phone just doesn't cut it anymore neh? So what's your pleasure this time?"

"As usual, it doesn't matter. I'm booked up and have a line of clients waiting for examinations and flu shots, so if you could make it quick-"

"' _Doesn't matter_ ' he says.  _Can you believe this guy?_ Well I've got a long list here of mediocre kids looking for jobs you could torture. Haven't had any interns recently, I guess words speading at the colleges that you're kind of a dick."

"As long as they have a functioning brain and can handle basic tasks then I don't care, just send someone." Kakuzu growled, not hiding his anger. Really, he hated having to repeat himself. Kisame knew he didn't give a shit who worked for him, seeing as they rarely ever lasted.

"Hheey hold on here a minute.  _Didn't you say your buddy was looking for work?... He ain't braindead is he? ...Bahahaha! Oh really!? Oh this will be perfect!_ Oi, Kakuzu old friend. I have someone you might like. It's one of Itachi's old high school pals, just moved here to town and looking for work."

"Did I hear you say  _he?"_

"Uh, did you? Damn this phone, gotta get that fixed. Well yeah, It's a guy in his twenties or something. It'll be a nice change from all those just-out-of-puberty chicks you hang out with."

"Kisame, I run a legitimate business with a reputation to uphold, I do not need some drifter trying to do the work of a schooled, semi-professional individuals-"

"Oh yeah, yeah. Well seriously, you said you wanted someone immediately and he's the only person old enough to even have a drivers license that I have available. If you don't like him just work your magic and gimme a call. I'll keep my eyes and ears open for someone worth a damn in the meantime and we'll get you a replacement. Just think of him as a temp."

Kakuzu remained silent for awhile, wanting to continue the argument but unable to poke any holes in his friend's logic. The truth was simply that the man had some sick satisfaction with bringing his employees to tears, testing their inner strength, so to say. Men, for the most part, would not deal with his deplorable treatment of them long enough for him to bring them to such a state. Men had the tendancy to open their mouths right there and then and tell him off, Whereas women usually would just take as much as they could until the day came when their emotions hit a fever pitch. The display most women made when the reached such a plateau of frustration and desperation was unreasonably but undeniably entertaining to him.

He growled in irritation, receiving a chuckle from the other side.

"Alright I'll take that as a yes. Lemme give him a call and I'll get his information and do a quick interview. I'll fax you his creds* and have him there in the morning, kay?"

"If this turns into a waste of my time I'll see to it that you'll not have a job for the remainder of your wretched life."

" _Truuust_  me buddy. This is Itachi Uchiha's acquaintance we're talking about here, can't be that bad."

"For your sake, I hope you're correct."

"C'moooon, have I ever disappointed you before, Kakuzu, old pal?"

"I will not dignify such a thoughtless question with a response."

"Ouch. You hurt me with your words, you know?"

"Just have him here and prepared in the morning." Kakuzu said, ignoring whatever Kisame responded with in favor of slapping the phone back onto the receiver.

He took his reading glasses completely off now and sat them on the desk, rubbing at his eyes with one hand.

A quick glance at the clock revealed it to be only 4:47 pm. While most clinics closed at five, he liked to keep his little privately owed office open until 9 to catch the extra business and thus, the extra money.

It was days like this that made him slightly regret that decision. But mainly what he was upset about was that he didn't have a damn secretary that he could have finish the paperwork for him!

He sighed heavily, slipped the glasses back on, and set back to work. He only had a few more appointments scheduled for the rest of the day, thankfully. By tomorrow he would have a new assistant and everything would be back to normal, though really, days like this weren't that uncommon at all. He made a mental note to save a few of the errored papers for his newest employee to go over. He would start off this new guy with a bang when he inevitably made a mistake with the wrong information.

He smiled. It was fun to be bad.

* * *

 

_"You absolutely HAVE to do this for me kid. This guy has had a stick up his ass for way too long, it's time to give him a run for his money."_

_"Am I fuckin' robbing him or what?"_

_"Oh hell no. Don't ever, EVER steal from Dr. Hoku, unless you have a death wish. No, see here's what's gonna happen, he's gonna be using every trick in the book to piss you off and make you hate him so much that you quit. But_ _**don't do it.** _ _Do the absolute best you can, I mean he's gonna make you screw up every chance he gets just so he can yell at you. But don't give in. In fact,_ _**Thank him** _ _for setting you straight or whatever you can think of. It'll drive him crazy!"_

_"Tch... How long do I have to do this?"_

_"As long as it takes. And hey, you're getting paid for it kid, don't look so pissed."_

_"Fuck you, if I didn't owe Itachi for letting me crash at his place I wouldn't even be here"_

_"Well you are. Trust me, once you meet this guy you'll wanna piss him off just as much as I do."_

_"I thought he was your friend?"_

_"He is! That's what friends are for right?"_

_"Tch. Whatever, and people say_ _**I'm** _ _fuckin' crazy."_

.

"This is fucking ridiculous..." He muttered now, waiting outside the door labeled 'Employee's only.'

His breath came out in little puffs against the frigid morning air. "What he fuck kind of idiot opens at 4 in the morning. Jesus christ no one's even awake until seven!" He complained to the vacant parking lot facing him. He wanted desperately to have a cigarette while he waited, his nerves were acting up today, as hard as he tried to ignore it. The truth of the matter was, he needed a job, desperately. But due to his history of comings and goings to the many 'behavioral health' centers around the state, no one wanted to hire him. He hadn't taken the job because his temporary roommate made him, he'd done it because he wanted to get back on his feet and stop feeling like a pathetic loser, mooching off his friend like a helpless hobo.

So, Itachi had prohibited him from smoking.

_"You're going to be working at a doctor's office! You think he'll be okay with you smoking? Honestly, I don't know what to do with you sometimes...."_

He sighed, sending a giant white puff out into the air and bracing against another onslaught of shivers. His coat was far too thin for how cold it was, but it was the only one the twig of a man he currently lived with had that would fit him.

He pulled it tighter around himself, glaring down at his stupid outfit. A decent white polo with black slacks and old boots that had been relentlessly shined by his roommate, that was the best he could do. And on top of it all, Itachi, that flamer of a man, had done up his hair, gelling it back in a sophisticated fashion with just a few strands of his bangs left free to fall where they wanted.

_"It's not a fucking date! Jesus do I_ _**have** _ _to dress like such a tool?"_

_"You have to make a good impression. You wanted a decent job and this one has good benefits and an acceptable payrate, stop whining and be grateful for the opportunity."_

He ground his teeth together, stretching out his arm so he could see the watch Itachi had lent him under his sleeve. The fucker should be here soon. He silently cursed at the fates that had reduced him to this, arriving early at an already indecent hour, once again for the sake of making a good appearance.

.

A pair of headlights turned into the parking area, reflecting off the tin building walls and burying him further into the shadows of the building.

He glared at these as well, creating a silhouette of the person inside the car so he couldn't see the bastard.

'Must be him...' he thought while trying to make his teeth stop chattering. The only thing he could tell at this point was that the man looked big. Not fat-big, just  _big_. Tall and thick, kind of like the guy Itachi was trying to bang that got him the job in the first place, whatever his name was. Something long and stupid...

"Here goes fuckin' nothin'." He muttered, taking a deep breath to muster up his strength and bite down his urge to gag at the sunshine he was about to blow out his ass.

The good thing about being in and out of mental correction facilities for a good portion of your life is that you learn how to lie like a pro.

* * *

 

Kakuzu stepped from the car with a storm cloud over his head. He'd seen the strange looking man almost as soon as he pulled in, and instantly regretted his decision to go along with this preposterous scheme.

' _Kisame, I'll have your head_.' He thought as he studied the dark glare cast toward him by the silver-haired man when he'd parked the car. As soon as he shut off the lights the pale face of his newest victim morphed suddenly into an exact replica of every single intern that had stood waiting in that very spot.

' _So that's how it's going to be?'_ Hah, this would be a piece of cake, this man already didn't want to be here.  _'Hoshigaki, you better get your ass in gear, this one will be gone before the day's out_.'

"Doctor Hoku?" The man said as Kakuzu made his way around the front of the car, clicking the lock button on his keychain and eliciting a short honk from the vehicle.

"You will call me 'Sir' until I deem you valuable enough to use my name." He replied, walking past the man whom he noticed had a light shade of pink as an eyecolor. He thought this interesting for only a second before tossing it aside. Kakuzu himself had a strange and rare form of Rosacea* that caused the blood vessels in his eyes and only his eyes to remain permanently enlarged, giving him permanently red sclera that made his deep emerald iris' stand out.

"Yes...sir. Thank you for clearing that up." Came the reply, and Kakuzu had to stop in his current action of unlocking the door.

He turned to regard the man, he was dressed decently enough, not too formal, and not like the attention seeking imbeciles that made up todays youth. The boots were an unusual choice, but being hidden beneath the slacks as they were... well, it wasn't awful. At least. But that didn't mean he had to admit it.

"Are you not going to introduce yourself? Is that the trend now-a-days? To wait for your employer to ask your name?" The blank look on the man's face had him grinning on the inside. Kakuzu knew his name, it was on all the papers Kisame had sent him that he'd skimmed through, seeing as he was dead-tired by the time he got home to his fax machine. (The one at the office wasn't working properly, hadn't been for quite a while, but those things are expensive, you know?) And this man, Hidan, his name was, surely knew that as well. And to extend that thought, his ocean-loving friend that worked in the Human Resources department at the county courthouse had probably informed the poor fool of what was to come when you had Dr. Hoku as your boss. And this  _Hidan_  thought he could handle it, which was even better.

Let the games begin.

"Sorry sir. My name is Hidan."

"Hidan  _what?"_ He said, voice low in intimidation.

There was a pause, and again Kakuzu marked another tic on his side of his internal score chart.

"Hidan...  _San_... sir."

He turned back to the door to hide his miniscule smirk. The man seemed to dislike his last name, judging by his reluctance to give it away. The idiot, giving away a weak spot so blatantly.

"Is that some kind of joke? Or one of these asinine new trends you kids have?"

"No sir. That's the name I was born with."

"Well it's ridiculous."

"I agree, sir."

He Hmph'd and pushed the door open, stepping in and starting immediately to open up the clinic, flicking on all the lights being the first step.

"Pay attention. Opening and Closing will be one of your responsibilities from now on."

"Yes, sir." Hidan replied, face still blank and hands held behind him like an obedient soldier.

Hm. Maybe this would be harder than he thought...

No.. that was nonsense. This guy was no match for him. No one was. Not an employee who stepped foot into this building left without being in a fit of rage. It just didn't happen.

Kakuzu regarded him for a heartbeat before turning and continuing through the hallway.

"This is my office." The doctor said in his gravelly voice, gesturing to the door as he passed. "Under no circumstances do you ever go in there unless I give you permission and am also in there to supervise you." He stopped to whirl around, bending slightly over the unfazed but extremely tensed man.

"The information you hear in this building is absolutely confidential. I'll explain that again so that any idiot can understand. If you speak one word about what happens within these walls to anyone outside the building, you will regret the day you were born." He paused, gauging Hidan's reaction. Except for looking as if he were concentrating with all his might, he didn't make one.

"Doctor-patient-confidentiality is something I do not take lightly. This is not some hospital with peons and jaw-flapping gossipers. There is only you and I, and having their trust is the foundation to the success of this business."

"I understand, sir."

"You had better. I do  _not_  like having to repeat myself." Kakuzu said before turning around and continuing. He'd given this speech so many times he had lost count, none of his previous employees had ever questioned anything he said, all had agreed wholeheartedly for fear of asking any questions anyway, but not one of them had ever managed to give him such a... a  _perfect_  response.

Just three little words, but they got the message across, and ensured him that he was the boss and his demands and rules were like commandments from a god. Short, sweet, and to the point. No time wasted, respectful... just perfect.

It was  _infuriating._

"That door leads to the lab. You don't have clearance, and you never will, so you can't go inside." The Doctor stated, holding up a card key attached to a lanyard around his neck so that his new employee could see over his shoulder behind him. "Do not even concern yourself with it, that equipment is worth far more than you ever will be. I will handle anything in regards to that room." He said, waving hand only slightly in Hidan's direction to signify his worthlessness.

Hidan didn't reply, and though he wanted to taunt him, he also had a job to do, this boy had already distracted him enough. He was further irritated with himself that the man had yet to do anything wrong at all. Usually within the first twenty minutes Kakuzu would notice a strange quirk or nervous habit his newest crew member had. Or they would speak with the wrong tone, say the wrong thing in the wrong context. Pronounce something wrong,  _ANYTHING!_ He could work with anything, but this pale man was giving him nothing.

"This is the examination room. After every single patient leaves it will be your duty to sanitize anything that has been touched. And since you will not be in the room with my patients and I, you will clean  _everything_ to perfection. If it is anything less than that, then I will make your life a living hell."

"Yes, sir. I understand."

Kakuzu couldn't help the small growl that escaped him at hearing this response again.

"The cleaning supplies are under the sink, always wear gloves, You get only one sick day a month, they do not build up." He said, pointing to the sink and then the box of latex gloves beside it. He would prefer not to give out any sick days at all, but unfortunately that was the law, some nonsense about human rights... And to make it worse, all number of diseased people came through here, being a clinic as it was. Germs and illnesses spread regardless of how sanitary anything was kept, catching them was something that couldn't be avoided. But missing work because you're sick wasted his time and money. And  _no one_  wasted Kakuzu Hoku's money. "If you have questions you may ask them, however if you're some sort of animal that doesn't know how to clean a room, you need to turn and leave right now."

Without pausing, Dr. Hoku continued through a second door instead of going back into the hall that lead up to the waiting room. The examination room adjoined to the front office, separated from the waiting room by an elegant archway that was most likely the only thing the elder man actually spent real money on aside from the medical equipment.

"This will be your work space. Until I've decided if you're worth keeping, your duties here will be restricted to answering the phone and forwarding it immediately to me. If I'm with a client you will take a message and let me be clear on this, your message had better be clear and accurate. I do not care if you have to have them spell out each and every word. I'm far too busy to try and decode nonsensical quips." He finally did stop now to turn around. Hidan's face looked slightly tinted, and there are no words to explain the satisfaction this brought to Kakuzu. He hadn't even been trying on this one, just reciting the usual speech he gave to all his new secretaries, word for word.

He let himself grin a little. "When a client comes in, welcome them warmly. Help them as best you can and if you cannot, -which you will not be able to, I can already see as much,- let me know. You may use the intercom  _only_  when you are unable to walk your lazy ass back to my office due to clients or your other tasks. It is not a toy, and you  _will not_  treat it as such."

With this he turned and went into the waiting room, letting up the blinds, flipping on the lights and unlocking the door.

Hidan followed behind him, still silent. Kakuzu grit his teeth and took a deep breath. ' _You still have a busy day ahead_.' He told himself, ' _Still have your own job to do. Just pretend he's another intern.'_

"The break room is in the back, I'm going to assume you noticed it though you probably didn't. You may have one 15 minute break every two hours, not including lunch hours. You get two of these and one thirty minute setting at 7 a.m. to eat breakfast. At noon and 6 you may go home to eat, go out to eat, or bring your meals with you and keep them in the refrigerator in the back, I don't care. If you are not back before that clock states that an hour has passed, don't come back at all." he said, gesturing to the clock above the arch that separates the rooms.

"I understand. Is that all, sir?" Hidan said, face emotionless yet again.

Kakuzu's eyes narrowed.  _Is that all?_ What the hell did the insufferable brat mean by that?

"Am I boring you, Hidan  _San_?" He growled.

"No sir. I would just guess that you have a lot that you need to do. And I need to get the feel of my tasks too." The off-white haired man stated smoothly, hands behind his back.

Kakuzu studied the man now, harder than he had before. Now that he was in the light and the Doctor actually had a chance to stop and observe, he was slightly bothered by what he noticed.

The man was attractive.

This perplexed him so terribly that he wanted to punch his new employee right in the jaw and lay into him until the man killed himself just to escape.

Doctor Hoku had never had a problem with stating to anyone his views on women. He had no desire to have any kind of sexual relation with them since his college days.

It  _was_  a secret however, that he had explored with another male at that time as well.

Most people seemed to just assume he was straight for fear of enduring the wrath he might explicit at being asked in the first place. And even those who were aware of his deference to females never considered the fact that he might like men. It seemed to make sense somehow to everyone who knew Dr. Hoku that he just didn't like  _anything_  except his money. No one pried or pursued the subject, and he preferred to keep it that way. It was somewhat of a small shame of his, though at the same time he had no quarrels with it. He was a Doctor, familiar only with the physical body and it's workings. Psychology was not his subject and he didn't concern himself with questioning such things.

No, his only worry was the possibility of losing not only respect, but business, should this little bit of information ever leak out.

"Very well. There are no scheduled appointments until 8, use that time wisely." With that he pushed past the man, bumping his shoulder unreasonably hard against the other man and then seething internally when Hidan didn't even stumble.

What bothered him the most was that he  _noticed_  that the man was alluring. In a sense the general rumors that Doctor Hoku was a heartless robot had sunk into his head a little. He did not need anyone else in his life to muck things up. He had a simple, clear, and precise goal; to be rich. And Kakuzu had no use for anything that would not help him reach that goal. He didn't even hold enough interest in it to satisfy natural, normal human cravings.

No, he needed no one. He wanted no one.  _Especially_  this albino brat.

' _I will break you if it kills me, Hidan San_.' He swore.

* * *

 

Hidan watched his boss walk away, teeth gritted so tightly that he was afraid they might shrink back into his gums.

He looked around for a moment, eyes landing on the cheap chairs with the cushions so worn that they were barely even there. He considered trashing the room, starting with the ugly chairs, but steeled himself. Instead, he turned around and walked to his 'office', and plopped down into the seat.

After a moment of thoughtful silence, he clamped his jaws, grabbed the small trashcan under the desk and vomited violently into it.

That fish-loving fucker was right. He already hated this man.

He was also wrong too. Hidan hated the fucker, wished he would just die, but there was not way in any form of hell that he was going to be able to keep this shit up and keep himself from having another episode.

What in the name of  _GOD_  had he been thinking to try and accept a job like this?

Hidan San was far from an idiot. He could be dense, rude, vulgar, hard-headed, and okay, maybe a little bit outright stupid at times. But that didn't mean he didn't realize how dangerous this situation was for someone like him.

He was not one of those crazy people that enjoyed being crazy, he didn't appreciate the attention it brought. But at the same time, he had no desire to give the cruel society he lived in fuel by being ashamed of his mental illnesses. It was, in it's entirety, an incredibly complex thing to explain; how he felt about himself. But the point was that he knew his limits, and he knew that if he had to continue forcing himself through this, he would end up putting a bullet through the fuckers head in a fit of uncontrollable rage. And there would be no escaping the looney bin they threw him in for that stunt...

When his stomach was drained of all it's contents, he quickly pulled out his cell phone and immediately dialed his roommates number.

It rang.

And rang.

And went to his automated voicemail.

"God dammit you fucking Uchiha!" The pale man snarled into the phone when the little beep sounded to leave a message. "I've been here for twenty minutes and I'm so fucking pissed that I just threw the fuck up! I'm going to kill you  _and_  your stupid little fuck-buddy for doing this to me! I said I wanted a god damn job, not a fucking death sentence!"

The sound of footsteps coming down the hall sent him into a panic. He shoved the trashcan filled with regurgitated food-matter back under the desk and prayed silently that the room didn't reek of it as he slapped his phone shut and stuffed it into his pocket, sliding open drawers to make it look as if he'd been learning the in's and out's of his new work station.

His new employer came into the room and stopped short of the copy machine against the west wall, studying him again.

"Need anything, sir?" He forced out, ignoring the terrible searing  _hatred_  in his chest as he looked at the older man. The fucker had to be in his late forties, maybe even early fifties. But it was strange, he didn't have a single gray hair in that chocolate bundle currently pulled back into a thin ponytail at the nape of his neck, with long bangs hanging down either side of his face. You'd think someone with a job like this, running his own mini hospital as he was, would have gone almost completely gray by now.

Now that Hidan  _really_  looked at him, and had gotten over the shock of his weird fucking eyes, the guy really didn't have all that many wrinkles either. He couldn't really tell if the guy had some sort of foreign blood in him or if he was just really tan, but his skin was a perfect creamy sort of brown, kind of like coffee after you'd mixed in the cream and sugar. The guy definitely was big too, as he'd first noticed. Broad shouldered, thick waisted, a good four inches taller than Hidan himself, who was an average 5' 8", and he couldn't really tell under the white lab-coat he was now wearing and the dark navy turtle neck beneath it, but he seemed to be in pretty decent shape...

"Not from the likes of you." He said, that deep voice sending the new secretary into a small seizing fit to try and contain his anger.

God Jesus fucking christ what was he doing? Sitting here checking the guy out, if he weren't legally halfway insane already he'd think himself fucking insane. This man was Satan, pure and simple. And with God as his witness, he would not give in to his stupid, dumb, ugly face! Fuck the consequences!

That guy wanted him to fuck with the old man, well, if there was one thing he was good at, it was being a psycho. And it takes a psycho to make a psycho.

"Very good sir. I'll get back to my own business." He said, turning back to the desk to hide his smile. ' _Bring it on old man, bring it right the fuck on.'_  He'd dealt with demons far worse anyway, at least this guy wasn't a figment of his imagination.

"You do that." Kakuzu said, turning to power up the machine and moving swiftly back through the examination room and disappearing, most likely to his office again.

"I hope you have a heart attack.." Hidan murmured, before sighing and actually getting started doing what he was supposed to be. If he was going to make this work, it was going to take every ounce of self-control and sanity that he had. Luckily for him he was a zealous man, once he decided to do something he rarely ever failed, unless his head decided to suddenly change his fate.

But he was okay, his slave-master of a roommate made sure he took his medications every day. He hadn't had any problems in a good long while. And now with this job, as much bullshit as it was, he could finally start paying the fucker back and get out of the tiny tyrants house.

This would work. He could totally make this work.


	2. Chapter 2

Kakuzu sat at this desk yet again, trying with every ounce of willpower to continue going through his first patient of the day's insurance papers.

He was too agitated though, too disturbed at himself, too distracted.

He didn't like this situation. Hidan was not bending to his will, not showing one single damn emotion. Not doing anything wrong aside from those first seconds of their interaction, and he'd recovered so quickly...

Kakuzu had never concerned himself with his assistants before. They never had made any impact on him at all, he felt nothing at all for their presence. But  _this_  one...

He could not understand why he was so unsettled. He was nothing more than temporary help until Kisame found him someone better. So why couldn't he get the brat off his mind?

He was probably in there, going through everything, running his stupid pale fingers over all the files, rearranging things as he saw fit, as if what's-her-name that was here only yesterday had never happened! The nerve of the boy!

Wait... wait.. no. There he started again. First of all, he  _really_  didn't care for the girl who'd just quit. No, now he was just making up reasons to be angry with him.

Secondly, that's what Hidan  _should_  be doing. If he were wasting time, that would be a different thing.

Kakuzu looked up to his closed office door, considering this.

What if he  _were_ goofing off at this very moment? Then the Doctor could catch him, make him feel two feet tall, and he could finally get back to work. Surely that was the problem, he hadn't gotten to raise his voice yet. His body was just withholding unnecessary stress.

He started to stand up, then stopped himself.

What if he  _wasn't_  goofing off? Then what would he do? Probably make himself look a fool.

He lowered back to his seat. No, he needed a real reason to go up there. Checking on the new meat would just be a side-mission...

But... had he forgotten anything? Forgotten to tell him something, forgotten to turn any of the machinery on...

The corner of his mouth crooked up as it occurred to him. Yes! The copy machine! He'd walked right past it. In fact he actually did need to make a copy of Hidan's information, so there was even more justification to make a quick trip to the front to turn it on.

He dropped the ink pen he'd been holding, slipped his glasses off, set them lightly on the desk, and pushed from his chair.

This was all he needed. Just a little venting and he could get back to work. Damn that infernal man, what the hell was wrong with him to be so... so...

So  _what_?

Infuriating and therefore more infuriating than average? So disciplined? So attentive and respectful?

His face twisted to a scowl as he stalked up the hallway. Great, now he was angrily complementing him for lack of anything else to do about the situation.

There  _had_  to be something wrong with him. He had to push his buttons somehow.

.

He entered the reception office only to find the man going through the drawers of the desk, as he'd envisioned earlier.

He had to stop for a moment though, just to get used to the sight of a male sitting behind that big desk. It made the chuck on furniture seem not so overpowering in the room, like it was meant to be used by a man instead of the young women that had always inhabited it.

Then Hidan's eyes... those strange, pigment-lacking eyes, met his.

"Need anything, sir?"

He resisted the frown that picked at his facial muscles. His skin pricked all over at the steady, nonchalant gaze he was caught in, and again he caught himself admiring the guy.

He had not met many albinos in his life, even in his profession he'd only met a small handful, but every single one of them had peaked his interest no more than an average person. So what, they were a different color? Humans came in all sorts of shades, he himself having dark skin due to a bold mixture of Italian on his mother's side, with a full-blooded Spaniard for a father.

If anything he'd been somewhat repulsed by it. They were just 'creepy', as the kids say. All white and pale and...creepy.

But this one, Hidan. He wasn't the same. He was not completely white. His skin was very pale, yes, but not white. His hair was color-free, yes, but it seemed to have these strange sort of natural highlights and lowlights in contrasting silver tones. When the light hit it just right it even seemed to gleam...

Bloody hell he was still doing it! Insolent, idiotic, infuriating little pest!

"Not from the likes of you." He said, brows rising then as his new employee stiffened.

He turned to press the power button to hide the fact that he'd noticed. It aggravated him, first of all. Any idiot could tell that the guy was doing his best to behave the way he seemed to think Dr. Hoku wanted him to. The worst part being that he was succeeding

What was worse still is that Kakuzu  _should not_ be as concerned with it as he was. He should be pleased. Why the hell was it a bad thing that Mister San was minding his manners? Why did it bother him?

' _Well obviously because it is a lie.'_ He consoled himself. Look at the guy, he clearly wanted to tell Kakuzu to go fuck himself. So why didn't he? Why was he trying so hard? The elder man was fully aware that receiving only minimum wage for a job that he made sure was far-too-demanding was not worth the effort.

So? Why?

Why did Hidan insist on trying so hard?

"Very good sir. I'll get back to my own business." The albino stated plainly, turning to busy himself with the desk.

Kakuzu finally did press the button now, once the machine whirred to life he turned to leave.

"You do that." He said.

That was it. He was not going to play these games. Hidan needed to quit, and he needed to quit soon, before any more of his time was wasted. And that meant that the Doctor needed more ammunition. Which meant it was time to take a closer look at the newbie's files.

If that didn't help, then he'd go ahead with his original plan from last night and give him errored insurance papers to confirm. He would be forced to either ask for assistance or apologize for the mistake he inevitably made, and Kakuzu would use either at a decent excuse to tear the man a new one.

He smiled, you know what? Maybe he'd just do both, come at the fool with all cannons loaded. Why hold back? He was only a temp...

.

..

...

The door was locked, Hidan was still in the front half of the building. Kakuzu had the phone against his ear with one hand, the other one rapping his pen so quickly against his desk that it was almost a constant hum.

With each ring on the other end of the line, the man's blood boiled hotter.

The contents of Hidan's portfolio lay scattered out in a half-circle in front of him. He was so far past angry that it didn't matter at all to him that half of this travesty was his fault, for not throughly looking at the documents last night.

Finally, the other end of the line was picked up, and his rage very near exploded out of the top of his head.

"Heey Kakuzu! It's... wait... it's only 7. You didn't run him out already did you?"

"You have  _five seconds_ , Hoshigaki, to explain who the FUCK I just hired." He snarled, not yelling but being far too loud for casual conversation.

"Whah? I told you... He's one of Itachi's friends."

"DID YOU EVEN INTERVIEW HIM!? Or is this some sick sort of joke? I swear on my mother's grave I will  _KILL_  YOU FOR THIS!?" Now... now he was yelling. He'd risen to his feet and slammed his hand onto the wooden surface beneath him at the last as well.

"Whoa. Okay Kakuzu. Hold on let me get my copy out here so we can figure this out. Don't get yourself too worked up, now what did he do?"

"He didn't  _do_  anything you twit. It's what he  _is_  that's the problem." He snarled, clenching his eyes shut and forcing himself to relax enough to sit back down.

The sound of shuffling papers could be heard on the end of the line.

"You mean albino? C'mon Kakuzu you can't be so pissed about that..."

If he could have reached through the phone and strangled the man to death, Kisame would be long dead by now.

Instead, he snatched up the foam stress-releif ball that the man had got him as a gag gift and clenched it until his knuckles went white.

"No, you imbecile. He is mentally handicapped. 12 psyche wards. Recovering drug addict. SIX FELONIES IN TWO YEARS!  _DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE!?"_

"What?! You're losing it Kakuzu, I met the guy, he's perfectly sane." More paper shuffling.

"But for how long!? What the hell could have possesed you to put someone like that in  _my_ company!? Do you have any intelligence at all? It's a wonder you're still alive making blunders like this. I COULD THROTTLE YOU!"

"Okay, okay! You need to calm down or you're gonna have a stroke! I'm sorry! Okay here are his papers, give me a minute to look through... Whoa..."

"You had better resolve this, Hoshigaki. If I go down I'll take you with me. You'll regret ever meeting me. Do you understand?"

"But... well... How did... Kakuzu, you gotta believe, I had no idea."

"I know you didn't. If anyone should lose their job it should be you." He ground out, having abandoned the stress ball to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Well.. I mean. I... you can't just fire him man, that's against the law! He could sue you for every penny you have."

"If you make one more thoughtless comment, Kisame, I swear-"

"Okay yeah, my bad you probably knew that... Awe shit this guy has everything in the book..."

"Which means I cannot make him quit accordingly either. I may be a physical doctor but that still falls under the category of 'healer'. I could be accused of intentional mental sabotage. Unless he quits of anything but his own devices, the man has my entire business wrapped around his finger..."

"Oh God Kakuzu I... fuck. I don't even...FUCK! God I'm gonna kick Itachi's ass."

"You had better stay away from that boy and fix this mess or you might as well write your last will and testament!" Kakuzu barked into the phone. "If I find out you're doing anything different... well there's no threat I could give you to explain what I'll do to you."

"Yeah. You're right. I will I swear, but in the meantime just-"

" _I_  will handle my employee.  _You_  worry about your end." He finally sighed.

"Kakuzu I promise you I didn't mean-"

Again he hung up on him.

His tired eyes looked up to the clock. 7:36 a.m. The day had barely even started. It was blessing as well as a curse. At least he hadn't done too much damage. Even though he was not to blame. And even though that was childish to make himself believe...

Damn. This was a mess. A horrible ugly mess.

He briefly considered the possibility that perhaps he'd been overdoing it. Maybe he had yet to wake up and none of this had actually occurred.

But no, he knew that not to be true. He wasn't going to do some asinine thing like pinch himself. The screaming headache in his skull was more than enough proof that he was fully awake.

And fully screwed.

He realized now though why he had instantly hated the man. He should have listened to his gut, this had been a bad idea from the start. He hadn't wanted to do it, and instead of opting out he'd foolishly believed his so called 'friend', making the mistake of trusting him.

This is why he preferred the company of dollars and coins to that of any animate being.

It also answered the question of what was wrong with the albino man sitting at the reception desk right now. Why he was trying so hard to keep his composure.

' _Dear Benjamin...'_ Kakuzu thought with something close to fear. That kid could very well have just lost it and done something horrible to him. He'd had his back turned to him so many times. He could have been... What did they call it, shanked?

He sat there, staring blankly at the wall in front of him, trying to discern what his next action would be.

He would not apologize, absolutely not. He never had done such a thing to anyone, and never would. But there was no arguing the fact that he would have to change his demeanor toward Hidan. And that alone made him furious for the fact that he was not sure how exactly how to do such a thing...

Damn. Damn Kisame and damn politics and laws and karma and most of all, damn Hidan. Damn them all to hell.

* * *

 

Hidan, meanwhile, listened to the heavy silence in the room now, with an enormous grin plastered across his fate.

Ooh dear God in heaven above, this was the most beautiful thing to happen to him since he'd had that acid trip that landed him in the intensive care unit.

He turned, seeing no more reason to continue eavesdropping since his 'boss' had gone silent, and nearly skipped his way back down the hall, pulling out his phone as he did.

He dialed Itachi's number again, stopping at his desk to wait for all the ringing to stop and then to listen to the Uchiha's voicemail.

_"You've reached the Uchiha residence. Leave your name and number and I'll return the call as soon as I can."_

"Itachi baby," He said after the beep, letting out a joyous laugh before continuing. "Forget what I said. You're fucking beautiful man. I love ya. Come check me out at my fucking captian's quarters when you get the chance."

He slapped the phone shut, and leaped into the office chair, spinning around a couple times, letting loose maniacal yet glee-filled laughter as he did so.

When he'd finished his small celebration, he scooted back up to the desk and picked up the receiver to the office phone, stabbing at the red button labeled 'hold'.

"Still there fucker?"

A shocked silence on the other end made his smile widen to near-impossible lengths.

"Doctor Satan's a little busy at the moment. You'll just have to call back some other time, preferably during my fucking break. Ciao!" He slammed the phone down into it's cradle, leaning back in his chair and propping his feet up on the desk to contemplate this dazzling situation he found himself in.

_"Unless he quits of his own devices..."_

Again he laughed out loud. Fat chance there would be of that happening. He'd made the decision to stick this one out before he even knew of the power he had over the man.

He couldn't be touched! That old bastard couldn't do a single damn thing to him, granting that he didn't do anything  _too_  crazy, like cause property damage or shoot up heroine right there in the office.

But if he was understanding this right, as long as he obeyed the laws... he could do  _anything_.

"Love ya, Big Man." He chuckled, winking and pointing up to the ceiling. "You've outdone yourself on this one, seriously."

He heard the distant sound of what he assumed was Kakuzu's door opening, then slamming shut, and quickly pulled his feet off the desk just as the man stalked into the room carrying a few stray papers and a fat manilla folder.

He came wordlessly over to Hidan and handed him the papers, and turned around to pull more out of the envelope and slip them into the copier.

Hidan took them in silence, noticing the easy-tear dotted line down one of them that was made of thicker material.

"You keep track of your own hours. There are two timecards there, you punch in and out every time you come and go. The machine is by the table in the break room in back. Do not lose them." Dr. Hoku explained in an even voice.

Hidan smiled once more. If he didn't know better he would say the fucker was actually trying to be nice to him. Good thing he  _did_  know better. He wasn't trying to be nice, he was legally  _bound_  to be nice.

As wonderful as this was, it didn't alter his plan. If he immediatly just took advantage of the situation like so many others would do, then his little boss here would make it his main priority to get rid of him as quickly as possible. And as much as he hated the fucker, being a doctor as he was, and owning his own clinic as he did, they guy was probably pretty fucking smart.

Hidan could honestly say he could be clever when he wanted to, but the shitty fact of it is that this guy was older and more learned in the ways of the world that he was, which meant trying to outsmart him was a dumb idea.

And that was why he was taking the safe route, sticking with his original plan to grit his teeth and take it slowly. Let the man think he was still King Shit, and change the powerscale slowly to where he'll be able to make enough money off the fucker and still have his fun before he realized what's happened. After that point he'll unleash as much hell as he can. They'll probably lock him up on a funny farm again, but oh well. It's not like his life was heading anywhere anyway.

"Yes, sir. You had a call from a Mister Akasuna, but he said not to bother you and he would call back later."

The Doctor turned to look at him while the clattering machine behind him spat out his copies.

"Sasori does not like to be kept waiting. I'm not surprised."

"Do I need to go punch in right now, sir?"

" No. Today will count as training. You will start clocking in next week."

Hidan held the man's stare, pushing back the angry fire consuming his insides. Training? Who the hell had been training him?

"The other two papers are your K-4 and W-4 tax forms. Fill them out and bring them back to me when you are finished. Do you have a car?"

Hidan was caught slightly offguard at the last question, having been studying the forms and letting out a string of swears in his head. "A car? Erm, no I... I'm not allowed to drive... sir."

"Then how do you plan on getting back and forth to work every day?"

"My roommate, sir. This building is on his work route."

Kakuzu only grunted at him, turning around when the copy machine spit out the last of the papers.

"I'm going to assume you'll be staying here during your breaks then."

"You assume correctly, sir."

"You did not bring food with you today though."

"No, I didn't."

"Do you not normally eat lunch or dinner?"

Hidan smirked at the man's back, awfully chatty all the sudden wasn't he? "Not every day, no."

His employer tapped the papers on the machine to straighten them and turned again.

"And why not?"

Hidan shrugged as he spoke, masking his grin quickly. "Just not hungry, usually."

"That's not good for you. Bring at least lunch from now on." Kakuzu said quickly, hesitating for a second when the albino met his eyes again and tipped his head in question. Then he turned and disappeared again without another word.

He counted to 30 before breaking into a giggling fit. He hadn't called him 'Sir' in the last three of those responses. The man didn't notice at all, but then again it was a subtle little change, the kind of tiny little changes he would continue to sprinkle onto every interaction he had with Dr. Hoku until things were leaned more in his favor.

The second step of the plan was the one that was going to suck. This included getting the bastard to like him. Which meant he still needed to work his ass off while he was here.

Now Hidan wasn't necessarily lazy, he would get anything done once he actually started on it. It was the procrastination that was his problem, usually. He wasn't a master manipulator really, but if he felt like being so, he could usually pull it off, and if he didn't want to do something he could most times find a way out of doing it, whether it be temporarily or otherwise.

And that was a part of  _himself_  he would be battling here as well, or at least until he knew his boss well enough to get away with shit.

He clapped and then rubbed his hands together.

It was fun to be bad.

 

The bell dinged suddenly then, startling him before he spun in his chair to face toward the newcomer.

"Oh!" She said, stopping short. "H-hello, you're new. Is...is Ino sick?"

A slow smile spread across his features just before he glanced at his watch to find it 15-till-8. Ah, the first patient of the day.

"Nah, she got shit-canned. I'm the replacement. Name's Hidan." He nodded to her, flashing his most charming smile.

"Oh.. uh.." The woman stuttered in her quiet voice, face turning slightly red. Whether it was from the surprise of him cursing at her or his attempt at seduction, he didn't know, and didn't care.

He had no interest in women. At one point in time he believed himself fully to be bisexual, not since he'd first been given 'the talk' by one of his foster parents (who happened to be lesbian) had he ever felt the need to pick one gender or the other. But over the years he found girls to be more and more fucking annoying, not worth putting up with all the demands and whining and always, ALWAYS fucking crying over every dumb little problem that presented itself, just to get laid. They were fun to look at, but that's about as much as he bothered with anymore.

The only reason he put forth the effort with this one is so that she would talk him up when she went into that little room with the Doctor. Give him more than his due with the hopes that she'd get to see him and flirt every time she came in, in the hopes that maybe, just maybe one day he'd ask for her number. Unless she was married, in which case he didn't mind being the center of her late-night fantasies. Call it stroking his ego a little. Nothing wrong with building yourself up...

"Doctor Hoku will be with you soon, g'head and have a seat." He said, making sure she saw him looking her up and down.

"T-thank you... Hidan." She stuttered out, fully blushing now as she whirled and hurried to a corner in the waiting room out of Hidan's sight range.

The pale man rolled his eyes and made a face before pushing himself from his chair to trek back to his boss's office.

* * *

 

Kakuzu was on the phone again, but now he was actually doing his job. He only had 15 minutes until his first patient of the day got here, and he had yet to pre-confirm her insurance papers. She'd just recently switched to a new company. Minor details...

"Eligibility..." He said into to mouthpiece to the automated voice, scribbling little circles on the corner of her folder, laying open on his desk.

A knock sounded at the door and he stiffened, permanently bloodshot eyes flicking up to the cheap wooden thing.

"Your eight o'clock is here, doctor." Hidan's muffled voice sounded from behind it.

He sighed and pushed up his glasses to rub at his already tired eyes. Then took them off completely and sat them gently on the desk. Perfect, she was early, and he was still trying to work out her payment method.

Another knock sent his weary mood back into anger.

"Thankyou _Hidan_!" He snapped, successfully turning what would be a courteous response into a slightly sarcastic and rude response. "I'll be out in just a minute."

No more noise sounded from behind the door, and he ground his teeth together. Dammit, that one wasn't his fault. And besides, technically it wasn't mean.

Never before had he ever worried about his blood pressure. Kakuzu Hoku may be a world-renowned asshole, but despite that he usually could control his rage, mainly for the fact that he'd been forced through several anger management classes as a child and adolescent, and since then had kept a hold on it simply for the fact that losing control of your emotions made you a pitiful excuse for a person.

It made you say things without thinking, do things you'd regret, and he did not like that to happen mainly for the fact that, as previously mentioned, he was never one to apologize.

He did not need remorse in his life, he was far to busy for that, riches did not just fall into your lap, after all. And if one was concerned with the past, how could the future be attended to properly?

Sure, he'd had his moments where his vision clouded with red, but never had it been like this.

Just today he'd contemplated homicide more than was healthy. A dose of his own medicine, you might say, forgiving the pun.

Kisame's halfway joke about him having some sort of stroke seemed like an infuriatingly ironic occurrence. The man always joshed with him in such mannerisms, but now it really was bothering him.

Which only pissed him off more.

The elevator-esque music droned on in his ear, interrupted briefly by the automated voice informing him that someone would be with him shortly.

With a growl, he came to the decision to teach Hidan how to do this mind-numbing task, and slammed the phone back into it's cradle.

This was secretary work, after all, and if he was forced to treat the man with respect he didn't yet deserve, well, he could at least make him earn it. If he messed up, then that was plenty of reason to unleash a reasonable amount of pent-up anger on him. After all, he was the man's boss, not his mommy. He may have to be  _nice_ , but that didn't mean he couldn't be strict.

.

"Good morning Miss Hyuga." He said to his patient as he stepped into the waiting room.

"Doctor Hoku." She replied quietly, jumping from her seat and quickly making her way past the arch with a nervous glance in Hidan's direction, and coming to a stop at his side.

Kakuzu raised a brow at this and leaned forward to peek at his new employee.

He was sitting behind the desk, and looked to be writing something. The elder man assumed it to be the forms he'd given him earlier, judging by the brows creased in confused irritation and how he paused for a second to tap the end of the pen against his lips in thought.

"I see you've met my new secretary." He said, leaning back to his previous position before turning and guiding the timid woman to the examination room.

"Oh, yes. He's... he's nice." She said, wringing her hands with her vision secured on the floor. "It's strange to see a man behind the desk. I-I've only ever seen girls."

"Don't concern yourself with him. He's only temporary." Kakuzu stated, moving to shut the door to the adjoining room.

"Oh.. really?"

Kakuzu again tipped up a brow at her sullen question.

"Yes. Really. Anyway, I'm assuming you're having your headaches still?" He went to the sink and slipped on a pair of latex gloves as he spoke.

"Yes. I've tried everything, but they k-keep coming back. Sometimes they hurt so bad my vision goes a little f-funny and-"

"Have you been to the optometrist?"

"Um.. well..."

"You need to have him look at your eyes if you think it's related to vision. I can only determine so much in that field of study."

.

The next appointment walked through the door just as his first patient scurried out, after a squeamish wave to Hidan, who smiled back warmly but said nothing.

The new arrival was a woman as well, and showed a small but still curious amount of interest in Hidan as well. And after she left, the pale man stood from his chair and stepped briskly over to him.

"I finished these for you." He extended the few papers to the Doctor then, who stared at them for a few moments before receiving them and nodding with a grunt.

"Your 9 o'clock is late. I was going to take a break... Should I wait for them?"

"Yes... give it ten minutes." He said, guarding his words carefully. Of course he should wait for them, that was his damn job! "If clients are not here within fifteen minutes after their scheduled appointment time, they are considered late and have to reschedule, whether they show up or not. They all know this, do not let them convince you otherwise." He explained, turning to escape his secretary's presence.

Dammit, every time he had to set eyes on the accursed man he noticed something that interested him for reasons he didn't understand. Like how he had a small cowlick in his hairline above his left eyebrow that made a few of his loose hairs stick out forward instead of falling straight down to his skin.

"Am I to handle the rescheduling, or do you do that?" Hidan piped, making the older man grind his teeth as he halted.

"I will handle that until you're better acquainted with your other duties and the patients as well. Just make a note of it and leave it on my desk at the end of the day."

"Alright. Thanks."

Kakuzu grunted at him again and was halfway down the hallway before it occurred to him that the man had not referred to him as 'sir' for a while. He wondered why he hadn't caught it sooner, seeing as the newbie had said it in almost every sentence when he'd first arrived. In fact his demeanor had been growing steadily more casual with each interaction.

His eyes narrowed at the thought, but he did not stop until he was seated once more in his office chair.

What could he do about it? He still wasn't being disrespectful, the tone he spoke in said nothing of the sort, in fact it hid well the fact that his antics had changed.

Surely this was a side effect of Kakuzu's own new attitude. The man felt slightly less threatened and therefore more comfortable around him. That sure had taken affect immediately though, hadn't it?

Well... he supposed it was no bother. If Hidan grew somewhat fond of him then there would be less chance he would be sued when the day finally came that the Doctor would be able to fire him and get the insufferable runt out of his life and get back to normalcy.

Ugh, this task only seemed to grow into more and more of a pain with each passing second.

The bell dinged again, (He heard it only because he hadn't shut his office door this time, for that exact purpose.) and with an almost inaudible groan the coffee-skinned man slowly rose from his chair again. It seems the patient had arrived exactly one minute before their opportunity to audience with him would have passed.

He sauntered out into the hallway, scanning what little he could see of the waiting room for her. The nine o'clock was a heavily pregnant woman named Kurenai Yuhi. He detested his appointments with this client, only for the fact that she, for some unknown reason, seemed to be dead set on Dr. Hoku to be the one to deliver her baby, instead of traveling an extra half-hour to the large town to the south, to a  _real_  hospital to carry out the task. No, she wanted to do one of those nonsensical  _home_  births.

He knew how to do it, unfortunately. He'd taken the class mainly just to boost his resume so he would have less trouble finding a hospital to start at back in his fresh-out-of-college days, and he didn't deny her her wishes now only for the fact that he would be making quite a bit of money off it and the continued visits she and her child would have.

But regardless, he still dreaded the quickly approaching moment.

His pace slowed as he got further up the hall, still not seeing anyone seated and waiting for him. His features tightened in irritation before he heard the murmured voices of who he recognized to be Hidan, and either a feminine man or a masculine female.

Stopping just before the wall opened to the albino's range of vision, his face screwed up further as he listened to their hushed conversation.

"I have a fucking break in, like... one minute, just go wait outside for me!"

"I'll do no such thing, it's 30 degree's out there. If you have only a minute then surely there's no problem with me waiting right here."

"You dumbass! I'll explain in just a damn second if you'll just do what I say!"

Kakuzu was caught completely off guard by the mans cursing, and again by his hostile voice. And because of both these things combined he couldn't determine whether the person he was conversing with was his friend of someone he really didn't care for.

Not wanting to waste time solving the dilemma, he stepped out from behind the wall, and those soft magenta eyes flicked immediately over to him a moment before Hidan's visitor turned around to see what had caught the man's attention.

As soon as the charcoal eyes of what Kakuzu realized was actually a feminine man landed on him, a small, but sweet smile took over his features.

"You must be Doctor Hoku." He said, coming up to his as he talked with an extended hand. "I've heard so much about you. I am Itachi Uchiha."

He studied the man for a heartbeat, eyes flicking only once back to Hidan, who was staring at them both silently and emotionlessly, before taking the man's hand and giving it a brief shake.

"I stopped by to make sure Hidan was behaving himself and to punish him if anything else were true. Is this so?"

In the background, Hidan put a palm to his forehead and leaned forward onto it, eliciting a smirk from Kakuzu.

"Itachi Uchiha..." He said, ignoring the question. The man had been a model of good manners, but he didn't want to put that on the table. Complementing him would surely do nothing but worsen the situation for himself in some way. "I've heard much about you as well. Hoshigaki never shuts up about you, actually. It's irritating."

Itachi's eyes broke away for him to give an embarrassed smile, blushing, to the wall beside them. "I hope he's said nothing negative."

"On the contrary. He makes you out to be a god among men."

"I see..." The raven haired man said, clearing his throat before he again met the man's hard gaze.

"Yes. I've come very close to smacking sense back into him." He growled, and the Uchiha's eyes shifted.

Kakuzu continued, Ignoring this. "I'd like to have a chat with you, while you're here."

"Well, I'm only on my break, I do not have much time, I only stopped by-"

"Yes, I'm aware. It's rather important though."

"I'd be happy to stop by after work if this relates to Hidan, Doctor."

"My clinic does not close until 9."

"I see... well perhaps we could arrange a meeting tomorrow."

That's right, Kakuzu recalled. Tomorrow was Saturday. Well, at least there was that small favor granted to him. Running his own business as he did, and having the extra hours during the normal work week, he normally remained closed on Saturdays. He lost money from it, yes, but being in the profession that he was he was well aware of what could happen to a man of his increasing age if he did not take time to relax and iron out the stress wrinkles on his persona. That, and his secretaries earned overtime already with the hours he kept, and he didn't want to have to dish out an additional days pay.

He simply forwarded the clinic number to his cell (Which he rarely used otherwise.) and either stayed home to relax, or ran errands that needed to be dealt with.

"It will only take a minute, really. I won't keep you long." He pressed on, turning and starting yet again back toward his office so that the Uchiha had no more chances to make excuses. "You have fifteen minutes, Hidan. Use them wisely." He called out loudly, whirling when he heard what sounded like a small item being tossed at the wall and then falling to the ground.

Itachi had fallen in step behind him with his hands behind his back, and was now staring at him quizzically. Hidan hadn't replied, and Kakuzu could hear him shuffling around at his work station.

The older man 'hmph'd' and continued on his way.

.

Once in his office he shut the door and gestured for Itachi to sit in the chair he pulled from the corner of the room to rest in front of his desk, and then went to repeat the action in his own seat.

He leaned forward, making a hand pyramid as he studied the Uchiha.

"I'm assuming you're the 'roommate' Hidan speaks of."

"Yes," Itachi said softly." I've let him stay with me until he has to means to provide for himself."

"So you two are close friends."

"We were estranged for awhile. He came to me about three months ago out of the blue with nothing more than a trash bag of clothes. We've become close in our time together since then, though."

"Kisame mentioned you were friends in highschool."

"Yes, that is why he sought me out. He had nowhere else to go."

"I see. He told me you've been giving him rides because he's not allowed to drive. So he's a moocher then." The older man said the last more to himself, but it did not go unheard.

Itachi cleared his throat at this. "Dr. Hoku, I'm going to assume you're aware of Hidan's legal history, and I'm going to assume as well that you're not happy with it. But you mustn't judge him negatively until you've become better acquainted with him. He is far from Insane, you only have to give him the chance to prove it."

"Getting acquainted with him is what I'm trying to do." Kakuzu said sharply, not faltered at all by Itachi's straightforwardness. "I am a doctor though, I'd like to know certain details. He had a history of drug use, is he using any now?"

"I would think that these would be questions better suited for Hidan himself."

"I plan to ask him as well, but I'd like to know if he tries to lie to me. And since you're here anyway.." he trailed off, not breaking the unreadable stare he was receiving from the man.

There was a moment of lasting silence before Itachi spoke. "I feel I need to tell you that I don't appreciate what you're doing here, doctor."

"And what is it you think I'm doing?"

"You and I both know you have no intention of asking Hidan these same questions. You would have asked them by now if you did. You're only trying to devise a way to force him into quitting."

Kakuzu opened his mouth to speak, his blood lighting up again at being spoken to in such a way by someone so much younger than him. Itachi cut him off, however, which only fueled his anger further.

"Hidan is in recovery, and has been since he moved in with me. The only drugs he's on are his prescriptions. He smokes cigarettes but I'm helping him to quit, I've already informed him not to partake in the habit anywhere near your establishment. He attends therapy unhappily, but regularly." The Uchiha paused to look at his watch. "I need to be going soon. It was very nice to meet you, Dr. Hoku. Kisame holds you in very high regards. I hope you can live up to those standards in Hidan's eyes as well. He needs a stable authority figure in his life, though not a bully." He rose from the seat and nodded before turning and making his way smoothly to the door.

"Mister Uchiha."

Itachi stopped and turned, features set into calm indifference.

"Hidan says he sometimes goes days without eating. I've instructed him to start bringing one meal to work with him at the very least. Please see to it that he continues the habit at home. Taking medication and fasting is not a good combination."

Itachi smiled at him and nodded once more, then opened the door and was gone.

Kakuzu sat in thoughtful silence for awhile after he left. Well, his new employee certainly had one hell of a loyal friend. One that was also apparently a dear friend of his own closest aquaintance. Kisame maybe be a childish, thoughtless, oaf at times, but he still held respect for the man. Mainly for the fact that he still tolerated Kakuzu's deplorable treatment of him after all these years.

Kisame was a good judge of character, one of the aspects that landed him in his current job. The man was easy-going and casual most of the time, but he could be just as much of a brute as the Doctor himself when he disagree'd with something or someone. And the man could always sniff out a truly bad personality from a mile away, which was one of the reason's Kakuzu trusted him so much.

If the guy hadn't suspected Hidan of anything... well, he supposed maybe he'd blown the whole ordeal just a bit out of proportion. Though he'd been perfectly right to do so, in his opinion.

As usual, he wouldn't apologize for it, but maybe he could give the man a call and let him be aware that things were under control, and there were no hard feelings...

After all, he did not need regret in his life, even for something as insignificant as this.

* * *

 

Hidan sat outside on the hood of his rroommate'scar, one hand holding his thin coat tight around him, the other one bringing a cigarette to his chattering mouth.

Itachi had been right, it was fucking cold out here...

But at least the bastard had been kind enough to bring him his pack. That would definitely make the rest of this day more bearable.

His friend rounded the side of the building almost as if sensing his thoughts about him, and regarded him emotionlessly as ever as he neared the albino.

"What the f-f-fuck did he want?" Hidan said, bracing himself against his traitorous, shivering body and taking another long drag of sweet, blessed nicotine

"He was concerned for you." itachi replied, shrugging and turning a half-circle to hide his miniscule smirk. He leaned sideways against the car, facing the wall just as his friend was. "What's this about you not eating every day?"

"He fuckin'  _narked_  on me! That stupid crotchety old fucking b-b-bastard!"

Itachi stared at him for a moment, tsking and shaking his head. "The first thing you're doing with your paycheck is buying a bigger coat."

"Yes  _mommy._  Don't change the s-s-subject, what else did he s-s-say?"

"He asked about our friendship. He's close friends with Kisame so-"

"Yeah, I know that, dumbshit, that's how I got the job."

Itachi cleared his throat. "Don't interrupt me, It's rude."

"I'm a rude guy!"

"Don't spread your foul mood to me, Hidan. No one's making you stick with this. Everyone knows the man is an ass. You don't need to be dealing with that in your condition."

"Hey! I'm not a f-f-fuckin' basketcase okay!? I'm fit for normal society, just go ask the shrinks at that shit factory you work at." He took a drag of his cigarette, letting the smoke come out in little puffs as he continued. "Besides, this is a sweet gig. Turns out the guy can't legally f-f-fire me, and can't be mean to me. If he is, I can call him in and report mental ab-b-buse on his ass and make him lose everything."

Itachi stared at him for a few heartbeats before sighing. "I was afraid of this happening. Don't screw this up, Hidan. This is a good job."

"Is there an echo out here? That's what I just fuckin' said. I'm not gonna fuck it off."

"... What?"

Hidan stopped in the midst of another inhale to give his friend a questioning glance. "Huh?"

"Did you just say you weren't going to  _fuck it off?_ "

Hidan snorted. The man couldn't cuss without sounding ridiculously awkward, even if he was only repeating. "Yeah. You know, I'm not gonna purposely sabotage myself, that'd be fuckin' stupid."

"Hidan that's not even a real saying. And it's horrible grammar to boot."

"Oh dear j-j-jesus, I didn't realize I was talking to the speech police."

Itachi couldn't hold his straight face any longer, and let out a small chuckle. Hidan couldn't resist his laughter either, he never could when the Uchiha did. It was contagious.

"You're ridiculous"

"Thanks, I try."

"Really Hidan. I don't think he's that bad. Gossip has made him out to be a monster, but he seems reasonable, if a little bit biased. You need to make this work, for your own sake."

"What? That man is Satan!"

"No. His social skills are just aweful. He doesn't know how to properly convey his feelings, and it converts into anger, which is the only thing he's comfortable with exerting."

"Well aren't you a fucking psycho-analyzer."

"It's my job and my gift to understand the workings of the human mind. I'm trying to help you here, by understanding him you can work to get along with him better-"

"Jesus 'Tachi I don't wanna screw the dude! He's like fifty! Ew!"

Itachi rolled his eyes at this. "Oh please. He's handsome for his age.  _And_  a doctor. Many people find that combination irresistible."

"You're so fucking gay, Uchiha."

"And you're dense. I think he already likes you more than he lets on. Speaking of which, you're to start bringing lunches to work, and don't expect me to make them for you."

"Awe  _what?_  Damn, you and everyone else, always on my ass about food. You're all just jealous of my bod."

"We are concerned for your physical and mental health. Food is necessary for your recovery, Hidan."

"Yeah, yeah..."

Itachi grabbed Hidan's wrist and twisted it to look at the time, receiving a yelp and resistance for it. "I need to go." He said, giving Hidan a hard push that shoved him from the hood of the car. "Get back to work."

"Ja Führer, wie Sie möchten!*" Hidan said loudly, catching himself before he crashed to the pavement and standing ramrod straight to salute him as he spoke, then flicking his cigarette out onto the parking lot and marching dramatically back around the corner of the building.

Itachi rolled his eyes, but smiled, before getting back into his car.

"Good luck, Doctor." He said quietly, backing from the parking spot and heading back to his own job.


	3. Chapter 3

Hidan stalked back into the building, growling when the bells jingled on the door.

This day needed to either get interesting, or be over with. He circled around to his desk, stripping out of his jacket and hanging it on the back of the chair, then standing to regard the space blankley. Trying to process his thoughts.

Itachi, that bastard. It was unfair for him to use his psychology skills like that. You don't carry your job around with you! How the fuck was he supposed to tell when he was being sincere or when he was trying to fuck with his head!?

Kakuzu,  _liking_  him. That was the dumbest thing he'd ever heard. He hated Hidan, and Hidan hated him. Stupid stuck-up pompous ass, freaking out and wanting to fire him just because he'd had a few bad moments in his life.

Hypocritical bastard. How could he treat people the way he did for no fucking reason and then deem Hidan the one to ruin his career?

"Oh noo Hida! He doesn't know how to communicate properly!" He suddenly said, putting his hands of his cheeks and speaking in a terrible impression of a woman.

"Good! Feelings are for chicks! That fucker is a giant walking cock, so God knows he probably fucking has one!" He halfway shouted, whirling around to stomp into the examination room and clean it for the third time in an hour an a half. The last appointment didn't show up, but the last thing he wanted was for his boss to have any reason at all to bitch at him.

He hastily struggled into the latex gloves that were slightly too snug for his liking, snapping himself accidentally on the inner wrist.

"OW! FUCK! Stupid, rrrgh, whore!" He fidgeted with it until it was on well enough for him to at least do his job, and yanked the door below the sink open to grab the cleaning supplies.

Damn, he felt so agitated, his skin tingled and itched, his throat felt tight and dry.

"Fuck, stupid mind. Quit fucking with my body. You two just stay away from each other." He muttered, grabbing the bulky, industrial sized container of sanitizing wipes with one hand and scratching vigorously at the nape of his neck and then back of his opposing arm with the other.

"What are you doing?" Came the deep gravelly voice from behind him, making his heart leap into his chest and his body go rigid just as he was about to stand back up.

He turned slowly around, delaying the eventual meeting of his employer's eyes as long as possible. He lost control of his hand, and the wipes fell to the ground where the lid popped off and went rolling. Luckily the damp cloth was tightly rolled upon itself, and stayed mostly in the container.

Damn it all, he was  _not_  in the mood to be nice, respectful Hidan right now. He didn't want to talk to his stupid, tattleing, prick of a boss.

Itachi had already embarrassed him, going to chat with Dr. Hoku like that, like this was some sort of parent-fucki ng-teacher meeting. Then he had the gall to point out that the embodiment of all evil he was forced to work long, boring hours with was kinda-sorta-sexy in a old, distinguished, weird kind of way...

And it wasn't even noon yet!

"Uuhh... cleaning the examination room." He finally replied, meeting the christmas-colored gaze locked onto him and then clearing his throat again. Damn he was thirsty all the sudden.

"I can see that. But why are you ranting to yourself up here?"

Hidan went inexplicably into panic mode now.

 _Fuck!_ He'd heard all that? Fuck! Dammit! Shit!

"I, uh... I..." He stuttered.

' _I'M A FUCKING IDIOT!'_ Part of him screamed.

 _'Now hold on here, Hidan. Don't do that...'_ The other part soothed.

He just blew everything, the whole operation, in two seconds it was all fucked to eternity and now he was going to have to walk home early in the fucking cold-ass weather and explain to Itachi how he'd just destroyed everything mere moments after he'd told the man he wasn't going to screw up.

"Mister Akasuna called back while you were on your break..." Kakuzu said, arms now crossed across his chest. "He reported your foul language, and I might as well tell you now that I heard you speaking with Mister Uchiha as well."

Hidan fell backward out of his crouched position, grunting when his back hit the open cabinet door, causing it to ricochet off the wall and slam back into him. He leaned forward to put a hand on the injured body part while staring up at the older man like a deer caught in headlights.

_'Okay you fucking moron, you fucked up the nice guy routine, but he still can't fire you. Recover! Recover!'_

"P-please don't fire me..." he whimpered, letting his features change to match the pitiful phrase. His voice cracked dangerously at the end, shaming him but also making him think himself a brilliant actor.

 _'Yes, perfect. He still doesn't know that you know what he knows!'_ He resisted the urge to make a face at his inner voice, still doing his best impression of a sad puppy at the older man.

_'Voice of logic here. You need to calm down.'_

He winced slightly, the confusion this random thought caused mixing in with his mind racing in desperation was not helping the situation out.

* * *

 

Kakuzu only regarded him in stoic silence, letting the silence drag on as he worked and worked to control his anger.

His associate, Sasori had indeed called back and regaled him with the tale. And when the doctor had further questioned him about what time, exactly, he had called, the puzzle pieces had fallen into place.

Just then the bell to the front door had sounded, and he'd immediately gotten off the phone with the Akasuna in order to go  _destroy_ his new employee.

And that's when he'd heard the man start talking to himself.

In the span of one second he'd gone through confusion, anger, interest, more anger, a small bit of entertainment, and now he was back to anger again, though carefully guarded now.

"It seems I've failed to make something perfectly clear to you." He said, each word coming out carefully to the disheveled man on the floor looking at him as if he were a demon sent to kill the pitiful fool.

" _I do not like being lied to_." He growled, eyes narrowing to mere slits, brows furrowing, nose creasing, and mouth grimacing. "And more so than that, I do not like being taken for a fool. Do you think I'm a fool, boy?"

"N-no sir! Not at all!" Hidan said, scrambling to his feet in jerky, poorly controlled movements.

"You're lying again." Kakuzu growled low. "Did you not just hear me?"

The pale man's mouth bobbed open and closed for a minute, expression growing more and more desperate as those damned peony-pink eyes flicked frantically around the room, as if it would provide some means of escape from the intense moment.

And like an answer from the gods, someone came through the front door, signaled by the little bell.

The man's posture relaxed instantly, though Kakuzu didn't move a muscle. The two had a staring contest in a silence that seemed to drag on for an eternity, it was ended finally when the arrival questioned anyone's presence in a raspy masculine voice.

Finally Kakuzu nodded toward reception desk. "Do your job. If I hear one vulgar thing come out of your mouth, we will have an even bigger problem than your lies."

Hidan appeared to try to be saying something again, his expression seemed a little disturbed, and for a second the older man had the strange thought flit through his head that his lackie was flustered about something other than being caught in his farce.

He nodded instead, smoothing back his hair in another awkward motion and clearing his throat before turning to assist the client.

Kakuzu still did not move from his spot, knowing that he didn't have another appointment until 11 and that whoever that was out there most likely just had some sort of question. He was not only curious to see how well Hidan handled the situation, but wanted to be ready to jump in if the little shit decided to do anything foolish. He didn't like how the man was acting, at the moment. And he wasn't referring to the lying.

He had heard the conversation with Kisame. The older man had no doubt in his mind about that. Which meant that the worst possible outcome had now occurred. A mentally unstable man had been given complete control over everything that the Doctor had spent twenty long years building from the ground up.

However, judging by that line the runt had fed him, he did not yet realize that Kakuzu had figured this much out.

He listened distantly as the raspy man inquired about purchasing prescription-strength medicine for an allergy he was having problems with. Hidan was doing his best to explain that Dr. Hoku was tied up at the moment, and that he would take his name and number and have him called back when his boss's hands were free.

He had to admit, he didn't like lying, but the effort the albino put forth and the soothing way he spoke to the man somewhat impressed him. But only somewhat. That last girl had been terrible under pressure.

But this matter needed to be dealt with permanently now. This rollercoaster of a day had him feeling as though he'd run a marathon with nothing but his mind.

He was tired of dealing with this, it seemed everytime he took a step forward he found himself two steps back.

It was a delicate situation indeed. But the best way to handle any situation was to stop trying to conceal the truth, lay everything out on the table, and hope that some sort of conclusion could be reached that favored both parties. He was more than fed up with this childish nonsense.

He finally moved now to pinch the bridge of his nose. Why couldn't that oceanic idiot have just made him accidentally hire that Uchiha instead? He seemed to have a good head on his shoulders...

"Alright, I'll have him call you as soon as possible, Mister Uzumaki." Hidan said, being thanked in response before the bell went off once more.

"Allergic to fox dander... who the hell is around foxes that much?" Kakuzu heard him mutter, stepping from his hiding place and into the reception room.

"Naruto owns a large portion of land that he uses to breed endangered species of foxes." He said, making the poor albino jump and twist around to him.

His newest employee opened his mouth to say something, eyes full of what Kakuzu thought maybe looked like fear, but the elder held up a hand to silence him.

"Mister San. I believe we need to have a talk and straighten a few things out." He said calmly, wondering somewhere in the back of his mind where all his previous rage had suddenly gone too. Something was wrong here, his gut felt twisted uncomfortably, like some warning. But for the life of him he could not discern what it meant.

And all the better anyway, he didn't have time to sit and ponder over it. This needed dealt with  _now_. Sasori was a large contributor to his business, and he was not happy at all with Kakuzu's new aid. Which meant the boy needed to be set straight.

"It seems that you are actually one of those adults that has yet to grow past adolescence, and that I need to thoroughly explain a few things to you in relation to your employment here."

Hidan remained silent, not looking ashamed, but not looking completely unfazed either. Kakuzu contemplated this, unsure of how he felt about it, and somewhat distressed by the fact that he was not imagining ripping out the man's throat by now.

He couldn't seem to get the word's of the Uchiha out of his head, despite being so preoccupied with everything else at the moment. They hadn't swarmed in until just a moment ago, before the visitor came in when he noticed Hidan's right eye twitch a few times during their staring match.

_'He needs a stable figure of authority in his life... though not a bully.'_

"Come with me." He ordered, turning to make his way back to his office.

"But what if-"

"No one is scheduled for another hour. If anyone comes in then you can come back to attend to them. Now come."

He didn't check to see if he was being followed, but when he did step to the side in his study, a nervous looking Hidan was only a few steps behind him.

"Sit down."

The newbie did as instructed, and Kakuzu, for the second time repeated the action and laced his fingers together to study the albino in front of him.

Again he was noticing small details about his appearance.

Mister San had a small chip out of his mid-pinna* on his ear, as well as very small creases on each outer edge of his eye. Some people liked to refer to these as wisdom lines, a subtle marking earned by having and overcoming heavy strife throughout their life.

He looked back at Kakuzu sternly, seeming to be examining him as well.

The young man was clenching his jaw, the doctor also noticed, probably a habit that he didn't even notice anymore. It was another small signal, showing that Hidan, whether he realized it or not, had an invisible wall up around himself, so to say. One more sign that he had had a rough past, forced to close himself off to other people as means of avoiding inner pain.

Kakuzu blinked out of this train of thought, clearing his throat. This was absolutely no time for that, dammit.

Okay, authoritative, but not hurtful. Surely he could do this.

"First, you can drop these false pretenses you've been putting forward. We're both grown men, there's no reason to keep insulting me and disgracing yourself." He said finally.

Hidan remained silent, and the elder of the two continued staring thoughtfully at him. Never before had he ever taken the time to sit with any of his previous underlings and ask them the question he was about to ask. It was uncomfortable, but really, he'd never encountered such a troublesome employee before, never been in such a complicated situation. Honestly, his life had been unreasitically smooth since first starting this profession.

All of this led only down one road, one that he didn't want to go down by any means. But it was either change his tactics, and step into new and unknown territory, or face the possibility of losing everything he had to a stranger who had no idea what he'd be gaining, and be thrust unwillingly into new and unknown territory.

When faced with such a decision, it seemed the only choice was to get to know this stranger. And deal with the rest in strides.

"So who are you really, Hidan?"

* * *

 

More lingering silence stretched on between the two, Hidan absently chewing his lip now, trying to make sense of the jumbled mess he was now in. His body felt as if it were wired to explode. His skin felt alive, almost, his muscles were twitching uncontrollably in several places.

"I uh... I cuss... a lot." The secretary said stupidly, at a lack for anything else to respond with.

What did that question even mean anyway?

Jesus, ever since he'd had that initial heart attack, he really had no idea what the hell was going on. So much for being clever and manipulative. Damn this defective brain.

"I've gathered that much." His boss replied, still not giving any clue as to what answer he was looking for.

Hidan stared back in confusion for a moment before agitation bloomed within him. What did he fucking want!? Was this some kind of test!? Did he want a life story or some sort of summation of his personality?

Fucking hell what more could ppossiblyhappen in one day!? The king of all assholes was actually trying to get to know him? Yeah... right, it was just another attempt to try and scare him away...

His brows furrowed deeply. "So what the fuck are you asking then?"

"I'm asking who you are. If you're going to keep working here I would like to know what I'm going to be working with." Kakuzu said nonchalantly. It was a strange attitude to witness on the man, honestly. Even though Hidan had met him only hours ago, he had pretty well convinced himself that his employer was mean only for the face that it went against the laws of physics for him to be anything otherwise.

"You want to know  _what_  you're working with..." Hidan repeated, chuckling as he spoke, though not in a light-hearted manner. He wasn't being nice, it was just a more subtle form of his arrogance. Everything was a lie. Everything and everyone. It didn't matter what he did, in his life, he would always be 'the crazy guy' and no one cared to see any deeper than that.

"I'm not even a person now eh? I'm just a thing you have working for you."

This actually seemed to alarm the older man, though it only showed in the shift of his eyes.

"Oh, are you scared now?" He continued, unable to stop himself despite the small part of his brain sounding off an alarm inside him. "Yeah, you should be, shouldn't you? Y _ou offended the crazy guy_! WELL FUCK! Now he's gonna flip shit and start killing people! Call the fuckin' police! Call S.W.A.T! Get their asses in gear! They need a goddamn workout anyway."

"Hidan, calm down." Kakuzu said calmly, far too calmly. The bastard, sitting there throwing his judgements around and making those fucking comments.

' _Hidan shut up, for the love of God get control of yourself!'_

"You wanna know what you're dealing with?" Hidan said, rising from his chair and leaning forward onto the desk to glare as deep as he could into his boss's exotic eyes.

"You  _read_  the fucking file. What do you  _think_  you're dealing with? You're dealing with someone who doesn't fucking like being bullshitted. Don't you sit in that fucking chair and tell me to drop my  _false pretenses_ when you're going to try and pull this 'I suddenly care about you' bullshit."

The tanned man had leaned backward only slightly, expression unreadable as Hidan ranted. He was just going to let him go wasn't he? He wasn't going to try to stop him or shut him up.. no, he was going to sit there like some wise old motherfucker that knew all the mysteries of the universe, staring at him, looking into his putrid, tainted fucking soul with those  _goddamned eyes._  This only fueled him in his raving, and he leaned toward the old man further still.

" _What you're dealing with_ , Doctor SATAN, is someone who has nothing to fucking lose, and nothing to gain. Someone who has no fucking interest in your life, or his own. I couldn't give less of a shit about ruining your stupid business. I couldn't give less of a shit about getting along with you. I don't care about this fucking job, I don't care about  _anything!_  I wish I could, but I just can't! I never have been able to! I don't fucking care!" His voice was rising in pitch now as he floated back further from himself, like he was watching his actions through someone else's eyes. "What you're dealing with is a guy that absolutely, undeniably, does. not. give. a.  _SHIT!_ Someone who tends to go into defense mode when under sudden fucking stress and pressure without any goddamn warning at all. A psycho, a lunatic. A worthless fucking shitstain on society. Nothing to live for. Scared of death but constantly fucking pleading for it!"

He managed to force his eyes open wide as he yelled, hoping desperately to convey to the man what was happening.

_'You're done. It's over. Way to fucking go..."_

The green and red staring back at him didn't seem to understand. Or if they did, they did, they gave absolutely no indication.

Hidan's body tensed, his knuckles gripped the edges of the desk, turning white as he dropped his head down. He wanted to scream, he wanted to start throwing things, he felt like he needed to vomit again, thankfully enough his stomache was completley drained from earlier. His head pounded inside his skull, pulsing beneath his skin, he could practically see his veins throbbing, though he knew it couldn't be real.

Well fuck. Here he went again... having a meltdown over absolutely nothing.

It was only a small one, compared to some of the others, but they all had the same effect.

It was frustrating, really, he didn't think he'd been under all that much stress. Not really. Perhaps at first he'd pushed himself, fallen into some trap by accepting the older man's non-existent challenge. But he had felt fine, perfectly in control.

It had to have been when his boss initially startled him just a few minutes ago that it started. Or maybe before that. Yeah, when he started feeling weird. He should have known right there and then. Should have listened to that stupid little warning. The small panic attack afterward had only overloaded his stupid broken mentalities, pushing him off the edge he was dangling from. Damn it.

Even after all the therapy, after all the pills, after all the bullshit he'd gone through to learn how to recognize situations like this before they got to this point and prevent them... it was still going to happen.

Fucking ridiculous, absolutely fucking ridiculous.

Like every other time, the anger was suddenly washed away by a sudden overwhelming depression. He stared down before the desk, eyes still like saucers and taking in deep shaky breaths. Well, at least the part where he embarrassed the living fuck out of himself was over.

Now he had millions of thoughts racing through him, each and every one of them centered around his own death. Unexplainable desire to insure himself flooded through him. He craved cigarettes, alcohol, narcotics, anything to take it away. Anything to numb himself and hurt himself at the same time. Anything to stop these thoughts bussing in his head like a hornets nest. Plans to kill himself, visions of someone else ending his life, swallowing pills, blowing his head off, shooting up cocaine and leaping off a building. It didn't matter  _how_  it happened just as long as it happened. He was swept away with the visions, the little demons in his head gently chided him into their arms, holding him, smothering him, suffocating him...

"Hidan..."

He sucked in a sharp breath, having zoned completley out while lost in a sea of raging emotions.

"Are you finished?"

Slowly, he looked up at the man, his muscles relaxing now to the point where he felt as if his skin were hanging loosley off his bones. His boss was still sitting in the chair, studying him with a mixture of feigned boredom and vauge interest that Hidan wasn't exactly sure how to interpret.

He tried to make his thoughts align, tried to say something, but he couldn't. What was the point? Why had he even taken this job? He couldn't handle a job, he couldn't even handle himself. He might as well just quit right now. Just get up without another stupid fucking word and walk directly out into traffic.

He released the table and flopped back into his seat, unable to look into the older man's eyes anymore.

"You're dealing with a damn psycho..." He muttered, not realizing he'd said anything until the response came.

"That seems to be the case, yes." Dr. Hoku said to him, taking his turn to lean forward now.

Hidan looked back up at him, sighing deeply, and then ran a hand through his hair, sucessfully mussing it up. Clarity seemed to return to him, slowly. As slowly as possible.

The tanned man in front on him didn't move or break the silence. Only continued stareing.

Hidan, coming back to life now, looked around the room as if he only just now realized where he was. Kakuzu's office was... strangly nice, he noticed. The walls were a sandy sort of brown with dark chocolatey brown panneling on the lower portion of the walls. His many certificates and licenses and PHDs hung around the wall. The wall to the left of the desk was one giant ceiling to floor bookcase, stuffed absolutly full with novels.

Against the wall behind him were five large filing vabinets, looking like they were made of red-stained wood instead of the generic, ugly metal ones. His desk itself was straight black, no pictures were on it of any family, no nametag, only a steampunk-looking lamp, various office supplies, and a little stress-relief ball on the corner of his desk, held there by a thick rubber band.

"Shit... please tell me that didn't actually just fucking happen." he finally murmured.

"No, that actually just happened." Kakuzu said, not missing a beat. "So you probably know what's going to happen next, don't you?"

"Don't bother, I'll just fucking leave. Jesus christ that Uchiha is gonna kill me. Couldn't even make it  _one day._ "The albino said, burying his face in his hands.

"I hardly think that will be the case. That man has no other intentions than to help you."

"What the fuck do you know about it?" He snapped, anger rising for only a second before his expression returned to its previous crestfallen state. "No... I... I should just go."

"If you prefer that, you may. It's not going to help though."

Hidan stopped now, having risen from his seat and already halfway to the door. He turned around, ignoring the protesting of his head. The two stared at each other again, Hidan finally shifting awkwardly to break the eye-contact. "You don't want me to leave?"

"Oh no, I'd love that." Kakuzu somewhat growled. He cleared his throat though and recovered quickly. "But it's not going to help  _you._ "

"Tch, shut up grandpa, you don't give a shit about me."

"You're right again. I don't. I'm only pointing out the obvious, since you can't seem to see it."

"What the hell are you talking about you geriatric old fuck!" Hidan halfway yelled, throwing his hands up. Damn, he was already leaving, did the guy have to get in one more suckerpunch to his self-confidence or what?

"You and I both know that I cannot fire you under any precedences, putting on that pathetic little display does not weaken that, in fact it strengthens it, if anything. It shows that you truly cannot handle yourself in situations determined to be too stressful by your subconscious. So tell me, how will losing this job, going back to that boys house, and sulking all day help you?"

Hidan's face contorted further and further in anger as the man spoke. He opened his mouth not to tell the arrogant fucker off, but Kakuzu wasn't done yet.

"I see this as the perfect opportunity for you to fight this condition. You obviously don't like having it, you don't like being stereotyped by it, so  _get rid of it._ " He said, motioning for Hidan to sit down. "You kids these days, you're so damned weak. You give in to anything, drugs, sex, violence. The women I hired before you had more intelligence than you have in your little finger."

"You son of a bitch-"

"Shut up, You don't interrupt someone when they're talking, that's lesson one." The Doctor snapped. "I'll tell you what you're going to do. You're going to keep doing everything that Uchiha tells you to do when you're at home, and when you're here, you're going to do everything that I tell you. Because when you try to make decisions for yourself, you only set yourself up for failure. When you start making progress toward controlling this problem you have, you can start having more control over your life."

Hidan stared incredulously at the man barking out orders like some boot camp sergeant.

"I don't care if you use your foul language around me or when having those little tea parties with yourself, but if I hear about you using it with my clients one more time I have no problem  _wringing your neck._  I'm a doctor, I know how to avoid leaving bruises. Now, stop gawking at me, get your ass back up to that desk, and do what I'm paying you to do. I have a few things I need to do here, and then I will be up there to teach you a few more of your duties until the next patient arrives."

Hidan only raised a silver brow. " And what if I don't feel like doing your fucking slave labor?"

"Then you may leave. It's no concern to me whether you go rot in your friends house or not. I'm only providing you with an alternative."

Hidan's eyes absently scanned the room again as he thought about all this. Dr. Hoku was a dick, a complete ass. He didn't care for anyone except himself and his stupid clinic.

And yet he was trying to get the pale man to stay.

Why would he do that?

"What the hell did Itachi fucking say to you?" He said suspiciously. Surely this was that bastards handiwork. That scrawny shit had always been able to bend people to his will with nothing more than his words. His stupid psycho-babble-bullshit, he tricked people into thinking their decisions were their idea. It was the only reason he was so successful in his business.

He supposed in a way it was a perfectly legitimate way of solving problems. But it still seemed fucking shady.

"He informed me that you are not insane, and that I should give you the chance to prove it. Though all you've done so far is disgrace his belief in you. If I were in your shoes I would be looking for any way possible not to disappoint the only person still fighting for you. But if you want to go ahead and walk out that door, then stop wasting my time and get out of my sight. I've far more important things to do than sit here and comfort you like a sniveling child."

"Fuck you, old man." Hidan snapped, jumping back up from the chair. Why was he even considering this? He was going to make this old man's life a living hell, he'd already come to that conclusion. This little episode didn't deter that at all.

The fucker was right, he still couldn't fire him. And now that all the facts were out on the table, he had that much less to worry about. He didn't have to bother with scheming and keeping secrets.

"You've got a fucking deal." He said, smirking and holding out his hand.

His boss looked at this, then back up to him, face twisting in anger. "Then why are you still here!? Go, you insufferable brat! Or do I need to get you a bottle and a blankie first?"

Hidan retracted his hand in favor of slamming it on the table. "YOU WRINKLY OLD SACK OF SHIT! Quit fucking ordering me around! I'm a grown-ass man!"

"You certainly don't act like it."

"OH YEAH! I'll fucking show you, you senile goddamn miser! I'll be the best goddamn secretary you've ever fucking had! You'll be worshipping the fucking ground I walk on!"

Kakuzu barked out a sarcastic laugh. "I'll believe it when I see it."

"GO FUCK YOURSELF!" He shouted as loud as he could, whirling around and storming from the room. He'd show that stupid shitter that he wasn't worthless,  _or_  a goddamn child in need of handouts. He didn't need that stupid fucker to  _let_  him keep his job, he was going to keep it and make it his bitch! That stupid, annoying, idiotic, old fart would apologize to him if it were the last fucking thing the codger ever did in his miserable old life.

* * *

 

The door slammed shut, leaving the small office quaking. Kakuzu rolled his eyes and shook his head, laying a hand over his mouth to hide his victorious grin.

That man was far easier to manipulate than any child he'd ever met. In fact, all the children of the world should be unanimously insulted to have him within their intelligence range.

He couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped him when he realized how horribly wrong he'd first pegged Hidan. He had to admit, before that little fiasco, he'd thrown Doctor Hoku for a loop. He'd been wondering of the possibility of Hidan being some sort of ex-military man for awhile there. As if that would ever happen.

This personality made so much more sense, somehow, and suited him better as well, if he said so himself.  _That_  was what had been wrong. It wasn't that the man was crazy or that it was a bad idea, it was that the wise old man had let himself be fooled. He should have known right away that there was far too much mischief in those eyes for him to be the kind of person he acted.  _That_  was what his unreasonable anger had been trying to tell him. Why he was so frustrated.

And now the situation was in a win-win. Hidan wasn't pretending, and he was still going to work his ass off with some asinine hope that maybe Kakuzu would appreciate him. That wouldn't happen, obviously, but he'd let the kid believe it if it kept him out of trouble.

The only mystery left now is why he'd been so disinclined to just let him walk away. Though it seemed small, it was eating at him, a small fire burning away at the back of his mind. He'd never say it out loud, but the gall of that Uchiha brat had somewhat impressed him. It was no wonder Kisame never shut up about him. And somehow the boy had carved his own little niche in Kakuzu's very, very small list of people he respected.

That was the only conclusion he could come to as to why he could keep putting up with that headache of a man who was probably ranting to himself again up front. It was hard to find the kind of personality his roommate had these day, and if for whatever reason, he seemed to think Hidan worth the time and effort... Well, Kakuzu supposed he could at least see what the fuss was about. After all, he didn't want to be left out of a good deal, no matter the stakes.

No, he had no room for regret in his life. So, that was that.

He pushed the thought from his head and rose from his chair to get all the files that needed going over. Hidan would indeed earn his keep here, the doctor would squeeze every ounce of blood and sweat that he could from the boy until he gave up. That way he could still say he gave him a chance, and also get some use out of him as well.

And if it somehow helped Hidan, well... he wouldn't mind being thought of as a role model.

More people should be like him anyway.

It was all nothing more than child's play, really. It was fun to be bad, but maybe it wasn't so awful to be good once in awhile.


	4. Chapter 4

Hidan sat at the dining table in Itachi's decent-sized apartment. His face contorted in barely restrained frustration, rapping his fingers against the surface covered entirely in stacks of manilla folders, some old and worn and overflowing with the papers and documents inside, others new and still mercifully thin.

Itachi sat behind him across the room on one of the two perpendicularly arranged loveseats, humming to himself and painting his toenails.

The albino took a second to write something down one one of the papers, sighing heavily after he did so and resting his forehead on his free hand.

The Uchiha smiled to himself, continuing with his business until the moment came when his roommate went hysterical from sitting still and concentrating for so long.

Hidan had burst through the door at a quarter after 9, (nearly giving the poor man a heart attack) throwing himself dramatically to the ground and kissing the floor repeatedly as he proclaimed his undying love for Itachi's apartment.

The Uchiha had come racing out of the kitchen only to be punched rudley in the arm by the now ranting albino, and before he had the chance to ask him what the hell his problem was, Dr. Hoku himself stepped calmly through the door that the man before him had left wide open, effectively making the front portion of the apartment cold to to touch and spreading the snow that had started heavily falling all over the entry way.

After the Doctor had handed his still grumbling roommate a briefcase and informed him that if he lost any of the paperwork within he would beat him within an inch of his life, nodded a silent hello-goodbye to Itachi, and let himself out, the Uchiha received a loud berating for not answering his phone and forgetting to give Hidan a ride back home.

_"Some fucking friend you are! I have to endure a never-ending day of pure fucking hell with that asshole and then practically have to beg for a ride home! He was going to make me walk, Itachi, WALK! You know what happens to albino's in snowstorms!? You never find them again!"_

Itachi had been far too confused to do anything but stutter out an apology and mentally kick himself. That explains the feeling he'd had that he was forgetting something all afternoon. He could hardly believe he'd forgotten something so important. Then again, he'd finally gotten Kisame, that dense piece of walking sex candy, to kiss him... and then again, and again and again until they'd become one big mass of hands and legs roaming over each others bodies while draped over the man's work desk. Anyone would be a little ditzy after that...

But he most certainly couldn't share this wonderful occurrence with his best friend and roommate now. Damn, he'd been so looking forward to telling someone. After all he'd only spent half a year working his way from random stranger to trusted best friend on the man's relationship list. Getting through the friend zone had been one hell of a battle...

_"And look at this! He gave me fucking homework, 'Tachi. GODDAMN HOMEWORK! I HATE HIM! Fucking stupid asshole! As if busting my shit for him from 4 in the fucking morning to 9 at night weren't enough, I have to stay up and do even more of this shit! What kind of fucking slavedriver did you sell my soul to!? That's gotta be illegal or some shit, seriously!"_

This had gone on relentlessly for another hour and a half, and somewhere in the midst Itachi had just gone back to the cleaning he'd been doing previously.

.

Finally the pale man had worn himself out, begrudgingly sitting down and starting on the ridiculous amount of papers he was to go over. Itachi hadn't pressed him for information, knowing just from the man's terrifyingly calm attitude that he had had a terrible first day at the clinic.

The Uchiha finished his last toe, smiling at his work. Really, he could get a second job doing nails. Not one drop out of place, no smudges, the deep 'twilight purple' was applied perfectly to each glossy toenail.

The sound of a lighter came from the dinner table, and the smell of cigarette smoke flooded the house shortly after, making him crinkle his nose and turn to glare at his roommate.

"I believe I've asked you to go outside if you insist on doing that."

Hidan twisted in his chair to look at him wearily. "Fuck off, I had a shit day."

"That doesn't mean you need to poison me."

"Hey, I'm practically stoned off the smell of your fuckin' nail polish over here. So don't even start with that crock of shit the media brainwashed you with. It ain't any fuckin worse than the rest of the trash society does. "

"Hn."

"Hn is right."

There was another agitated silence as he puffed on his cigarette.

"Care to talk about it?"

"What's the point..." Came the immediate reply.

"Well, at the very least tell me what happened after I left."

Itachi was curious, to say the least. He had already gathered that Hidan had been on his best behavior for the fact that Dr. Hoku had not mentioned his tendency to shout and curse unnecessarily. But just when he'd come inside he'd been acting his usual self, and the stoic doctor had not seemed fazed at all by it.

And he did somewhat agree, the hours that man kept were borderline ridiculous, sending Hidan home with paperwork hardly seemed reasonable. Maybe he had been wrong about the man after all...

"Bullshit. Bullshit happened."

"What kind of bullshit?"

"Dammit 'Tachi will you just leave it alone? I'll tell you later I just can't fucking think straight right now and I've gotta do all that assholes extra work."

Itachi slowly rose from his seat, offering a sympathetic smile to Hidan, turned back around and studying the papers again. He moved to the table gracefully despite having his toes flexed up so as not to ruin the polish. He sat down in the chair adjacent to his roommate and opened the top of a folder to take a peek.

"Don't fuck anything up, for the love of God." Hidan muttered, gaze flicking up momentarily to the new presence.

"Are these the patients files?" He asked, closing the worn cover gently.

"Yeah. I have to go through all of them page by fucking page and make sure their bills have been paid."

"That doesn't sound so hard... " The Uchiha stated softly.

"And if they're  _not_  paid I have to call their fucking insurance company and find out why. Unless they don't have insurance.  _Then_  I have to try to fucking call the patient and get  _them_  to fucking pay, and they just keep hanging the fuck up!"

"I can try to help, if you'd like..."

Hidan looked up at him now, eyes shining with excitement. "That would be the best fucking thing ever, Uchiha, seriously. I only got ten of the fuckers done all day at work because you have to talk to a goddamn machine the whole time and if you do manage to get a live person they don't speak fucking English."

Itachi gave a light laugh at this. "You sound so grown up Hidan. It's adorable."

"I'm an adorable guy." Hidan breathed out absently, leaning further over the current paper he was overlooking and squinting. "Fuck. Fucking Medicaid. I hate Medicaid. Barely pays for shit despite all their hype. If I ever get old enough to have to have Medicaid, fucking shoot me."

Itachi stifled another laugh while he organized the files to make an open space for himself. Working at the local Mental Health (though it was now called 'Behavioral health' due to political media) facility in the area as he did, he occasionally had to do this very same thing when all the secretaries were too busy to handle it for him. It amused him to no end to hear his immature best friend talking about such things, and making sense to boot. Dr. Hoku certainly was whipping him into shape to make this much progress with the stubborn zealot in only one day. Hell, Itachi had been trying since the day Hidan moved in to persuade him to quit smoking, and his progress on the matter was so little that it wasn't noticeable to anyone but himself. Maybe he should bring it up next time they visited.

His brow furrowed in thought now.

That brought him back to wondering why the man would put so much stress on his new employee, seeing as the Uchiha had already warned the man what overloading the albino would do in his own subtle way.

Why, giving him a few of these clients to check out wouldn't concern him so much, but  _all_  of these? In one night?

And not even a night, he reminded himself, Hidan went to work at four in the morning, which meant even if he went to bed directly after coming home, he would still get only 6 hours of sleep, seeing as Itachi made him get up an hour early to make sure he was properly dressed and ready.

He looked up to study his roommate, noticing the exhaustion lines beneath his eyes.

Hidan was an insomniac anyway, due to his previous drug use and mental disabilities, but those hours were still unreasonable. He made a mental note to have Kisame twist Dr. Hoku's arm into letting his secretary arrive at a decent hour in the mornings.

"May I at least ask why you're so keen to do it all right now? You have all weekend."

Hidan answered without looking up at him, circling something with a red ink pen. "If I don't do it now then it won't get done. You should know that better than anyone, dumbass."

This surprised him even further.

One of Hidan's best qualities had always been his ability to stick fast to anything he decided he was going to do. Something that's not easy at all for someone suffering from as many problems as he was.

That being said, it wasn't the determination that surprised him, is was the fact that he felt he needed to be so determined in the first place. He hadn't been anywhere near this intense when he'd come to visit him earlier, in fact he'd seemed curiously at ease about the whole situation.

Something had obviously happened between the two co-workers after he'd left. And damn it, he was going to find out what it was, by whatever means necessary.

However, Hidan had asked him politely (in his own way) not to inquire about it anymore, at least until they finished. And if there was anything Itachi was known for it was his extreme patience.

So he accepted this response, and went about scanning over the paperwork.

"I wouldn't inform Dr. Hoku that I helped, if I were you." He said instead.

"No shit, Sherlock. He'd kick me in the balls for letting anyone else see his precious clients' confidential shit."

"Well, not how I was going to say it, but yes. I may be in the same grouping of work as he is, but it's best not to test theories until you know him better."

"Oh I already know him plenty. He's an ass, pure and simple. A sadistic, self-righteous ass."

Itachi considered this for a moment, staring suspiciously at his roommate. He said nothing more though, only went back to helping his friend with his 'homework', as he called it, wearing a wry smile as he did so.

* * *

 

Hidan didn't even notice. He'd hardly been attuned to what had been said between them at all since he'd finished his ranting. It had pretty well drained what energy he had left after that day of pure hell.

At the very least he could thank God for letting the first one be on a friday. There was no way in hell he would survive another day like that one.

His brain felt like it was seriously shooting off sparks and zapping the inside of his skull every time he tried to make a logical thought. That old bastard had definitely crammed every inch of his head full with new knowledge, and trying to remember it all was driving him crazy. Not so much the actual act of remembering it, but the fact that he so desperately felt the need to do so.

He wanted to prove that stupid old fuck wrong, make him eat his words like the goddamn vitamins he probably had to take every morning. But there was more to it than that, and he didn't know what. Like when you were trying to remember someone's name, it's on the tip of your tongue and you swear you're so close to figuring it out that it becomes an obsession until you solve the puzzle, yet it still dangled just outside your reach.

That's what it was. Some concept being held just beyond his grasp by his own conscious.

There was not one single thing in this entire world he found more irritating than being failed by his own mind, and yet he had to deal with it on a daily basis.

And people wondered why he was so temperamental all the damn time.

He propped his head up with his left hand again, using his right to scan the documents, matching dates, names, policy numbers, just as Dr. Hoku had showed him. Looking for any that had no match, setting those papers aside in the 'to-be-called' list, making sure to make a note of which patients file they needed to be returned to.

In all honesty it was an easy enough task, just mind-numbingly tedious. And if there was one thing in this world Hidan was known for, aside from the cursing and shouting, it was his absolute  _lack_  of patience.

 _'Fuck my life...'_ He thought to himself, not able to muster the energy to say it out loud, sighing and turning his head in his palm to awkwardly rub his tired eyes.

He was used to rarely sleeping, just like his eating habits, they've been poor for as long as he could remember. Being tired rarely affected him anymore, though it used to be a terrible burden. That was one of the reason he'd been introduced to the hardcore drugs he got involved with.

When faced with snorting cocaine, and therefore keeping your job you needed to pay the increasingly overdue bills by staying awake throughout the day, or passing out on the job from the lack thereof... well, he liked to believe anyone would have made the same choices. Getting hopelessly addicted to it and losing his job anyway and being locked in a mental facility/rehab for months had obviously not been part of the plan, but at least those dark days were in the past.

Life's a bitch, no matter who you are.

"Are you alright, Hidan?" Itachi's gentle voice said, snapping him from his thoughts again.

"Yes dammit." He snapped back, before he could stop himself. He lifted his head to see his loyal friend staring at him, concerned.

"I can help you with these tomorrow, I'll make sure you don't procrastinate. You look exhausted." The raven-hair said back, not offended at all.

"Fuck that. I don't wanna do shit tomorrow but lounge around in my underwear and watch that movie I Tivo'd*."

His roommate crinkled his nose at this."Ugh, warn me when you do. I don't want to be anywhere near this house. I read the description on it. Forgive me but inbred, cannibalistic, serial killers don't give me a thrill, just a stomachache."

"Tch. Pansy. I bet I if I invited that creepy shark-fucker-wannabe over he'd watch it with me."

"Hn. His name is Kisame, for the hundredth time, Hida. And I doubt he'd be interested in watching mindless garbage like that."

"Well I'll just bust out my director cut of Jaws* then. He'd cream his panties."

The Uchiha's face tightened at this, as if he were struggling to express two different feelings, but not sure which one to pick.

Hidan laughed at this and tossed his pen playfully at the man, who caught it easily and set it aside.

"I'm just fuckin' with ya 'Tachi. Calm your tits. I don't want anything to do with that guy. He's weirder than me, and I'm a fuckin' weirdass."

"I won't argue with that." Itachi said. "All that aside though, I'd really like you to get some rest. You've shown more than enough integrity in this job opportunity. I know you don't like to stop in the midst of a project but you shouldn't push yourself, you'll bring on another attack."

Hidan rolled his pigment-less eyes, sighing heavily. "Jesus fuckin' Christ can't you get off my ass? I'm  _fine_. Cross my heart. Now give me back that pen, it's Kakuzu's." He stood and reached across the table to retrieve the object, only to be thwarted by Itachi, who snatched it and held it out of reach.

" _Kakuzu?_ You mean Doctor Hoku."

"Yes, dipshit, that's his first fuckin' name. Give me my goddamn pen."

"You're on a first-name-basis with the man you claim to be Satan?"

"Well I'm not gonna fuckin' call him master! Hand it over Uchiha!"

"If you promise me you'll stop after you finish the one you're on, I will give it back."

"Go to hell!"

"Very well then." Itachi stood from the table and stepped back, and Hidan swore, slamming a fist onto the open spot he'd been working at.

"You're starting to get really goddamn annoying with this shit! Stop telling me what to do all the time!"

"I don't understand the harm of at just letting it sit for a few hours. It's not going to get up and run away."

"I want to do it  _now_."

"Hidan, I know it doesn't seem like it but this is self-destructive behavior. Even a blind man could tell that you're exhausted."

"Why are you making such a big fucking deal about it!? God you're such a woman! Quit nagging and just let me do what I want!"

"Then at least tell me why you want to do it so badly. If I understand your reasoning then I'm more likely to leave you alone." Itachi said, moving sideways around the table when Hidan tried to side-step it and swipe the pen back.

A snarl ripped from his roommate's throat then that made the Uchiha jump and widen his eyes in fright.

"I FREAKED OUT ON HIM OKAY!? " Hidan shouted, "I flipped the fuck out and started shouting at him just like with every other fucking job I convinced myself I wasn't gonna fuck up! And he sat there and took it and then when I tried to walk out with what little dignity I had left before he could kick my ass out on the curb, and he fucking stopped me.  _He_  stopped me. I almost gave up another fucking job in some stupid fit of self-pity, and  _he_ , stopped,  _me._ "

Itachi stared back at him for a bit, and Hidan sighed and ran a hand through his hair before slipping silently back to his spot.

Fuck, why could people just leave him the hell alone? He loved Itachi, honestly. When he had been homeless and wandering around aimlessly, all hope of recovering from the mess he'd made of his life, spending his days sulking around, waiting to die because he was too much of a coward to just off himself, the Uchiha had not only welcomed him into his home, but insisted that he stay no where else but here.

Since then the guy had done nothing but go insanely far out of his way to do everything within his power to help his old friend, and yet Hidan continued to push him away and resist.

He sighed heavily, God, his boss was right, he was such a fucking jerk. Like he needed another reason to hate himself...

Itachi silently moved to his own chair, and then leaned over the table to gently place the pen next to the file the zealot had been working on.

"He... I don't know. He said some shit that really got to me. I told him not to bullshit me and he didn't bullshit me. He thinks I'm a worthless piece of trash, he didn't say it but I know that's how he feels. I know that's how everyone feels, but something about him, you know, I want to punch him in the fucking face more than I've ever wanted to to any of those other shit-talkers. He's so fucking... GOD I don't even know! He's like everything I hate all packed into one body! I have to prove him wrong Itachi. I'm not goddamn worthless. I'm not."

Itachi only continued regarding him in patient silence, expression blank, but charcoal eyes urging him to continue.

"You know me the best, you know I try my damndest, but that's not enough. If I give myself a break, I'll trick myself into slacking off and he'll lord it over my head until I'm so fucking ashamed of myself that I  _will_ quit. I can't  _do_ that anymore. I know I say it every damn time I get a chance to prove it, but this is the last fucking straw. It's like God but that fucker on this earth specifically to fucking challenge me. I have to beat him."

He stared at his roommate, eyes hard with renewed determination, and Itachi finally smiled at him.

 

* * *

 

"Well see now? That's all you had to say. Let's get this shit done okay?" He grabbed another folder, having already finished the last one. Hidan was a slower-than average reader, and Itachi was above-above average. He would probably be doing most of the work through no fault of Hidan's, but he didn't mind. Who wouldn't be inspired after that little speech?

When the albino didn't immediatly return to the task at hand he looked up to him in question, finding the pale man barely restraining laughter.

"What?" He asked honestly.

Hidan snorted in his attempt to control himself. "You still sound so fucking weird when you try to cuss. You make it so awkward, seriously."

Itachi felt his cheeks burning. Well, that was certainly a 'fail', as they say.

"Well... thank you for your honesty. I'll work on it."

"Or... y'know. You could just  _not_  do that."

"And what's wrong with me cursing? You swear enough for the entire population of Earth."

"It just doesn't work for you. You're too prissy." Hidan chuckled, going back to reading through the papers.

Itachi's brow fell in slight irritation. "I can swear just as colorfully as you, if I felt like it."

"I seriously doubt that, you're a barbie doll." His 'best friend' replied without looking up.

"I wish you'd stop putting me down like that, at least I accept the way I am." He said, probably with more attitude than was needed.

Hidan stopped and looked up, eyes narrowed. "The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Itachi gave him a dark smile. "Nothing... just... pointing out the obvious."

It was so painfully obvious that it took quite a bit of strength for the slightly younger man not to say anything. Hidan had always been an oblivious person, oblivious to other peoples feelings, and even to his own occasionally. As much as Itachi would  _love_  to point out and tease the man with the fact that the reason he was so struck by Dr. Hoku was because he  _liked_  him, it wouldn't do any good. In fact it may very well ruin his new zeal for bettering himself in the older man's eyes. Knowing Hidan the way he did, if Itachi introduced the thought to his friend now, the idiot would be so disturbed by it that he would go to any means to ruin any chances of it becoming the truth in his eyes.

"Tch. Whatever, Uchiha."

"Hn."

"Back at'cha."

"Get back to work."

"JA FUHRER!"

"And really, stop speaking in languages you don't know. You just sound ignorant."

"Hey! I fucking know German!"

"You only know that one line and some curse words."

"Well, that's all I  _need_  to know. S'not like  _my_  ass is ever leaving the country."

"Obviously not. You can't smoke on an airplane, after all."

"Oh hey, that reminds me! FUCK YOU!"

"No thank you."

The two sat in silence for a moment, Itachi's eyes flicking across the paper at a constant pace, not even pausing as he circled each error.

Hidan looked down at his paper, but couldn't focus enough to actually read it. His fingers drummed on the table, seconds dragging by like minutes. The raven-hair did his best not to be bothered by the albino's restless behavior, knowing well what was bothering him now. He mentally kicked himself for mentioning it. Hidan had been doing so well too...

Finally the man slapped his palm down and stood up.

"Dammit Uchiha, now I gotta have one..." He pulled the small box from his pocket and began to sit back down before his roommate's head shot back up.

"Don't even think about lighting that up in here, Hidan San. Go outside."

"Aww 'Tachi come oooon." The man-child whined. "It's fucking cold out there. My nipples with fall off!"

He rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. "Fine, but at least go stand by the back door and blow the smoke outside. I can't stand that awful smell."

"Deal." His friend chirped, taking off into the kitchen.

Itachi went back to work, fighting his smile. Damn that man, it was so hard to be upset with him for any reason, even a perfectly justified one.

Perhaps that was why Dr. Hoku had taken his own form of interest in little Hidan.

Itachi thought this wildly entertaining, and also incredibly promising. Perhaps the elder man could do the impossible and make a man out of his immature friend. Whether they ventured beyond that, well, only time would tell. That, and just a teeny bit of strategic meddling.

After all, that's what friends were for.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Saturdays.

Kakuzu hated Saturdays.

The only day he hated more than Saturdays were Sundays, when everyone lazed about with the ridiculous excuse that some made up person in the sky deemed it a day of rest. What a waste of perfectly good time.

The older man had woken up and immediately been in an especially sour mood. His bed was terrible mussed, due to his tossing and turning all night. And that had led him to the decision to just wash the whole bedspread instead of trying to make it back up. But of course, somehow, one of his red shirts had ghosted it's way inexplicably into the washer, and now his white sheets were a soft sort of magenta-ish pink.

He'd quickly thrown them in the trash.

After discovering he was out of coffee, and that the paper boy threw his newspaper on top of his awning  _again,_ his mood had been steadily decreasing. He'd tried relaxing, he'd tried reading, he'd even tried watching T.V. which he never did unless it was the weather channel. Nothing was helping.

Finally when 3 in the afternoon came around, at a complete loss for anything else to do, he bundled himself up and went out to start his car and let it warm up, and to scoop the brand new layer of snow off his sidewalk and driveway.

It was windy, and still so cold that the snow was still powder, not having the chance to melt down and become heavy yet. This was a blessing for the old man, as well as a curse. It made it light and easy to shovel out of the way, but then with every gust of wind sent little flakes flying into his face, stinging like atomic shards of glass and slipping beneath not only his scarf, but his coat and sweater too, right down to his skin.

His breathy swears had pretty well turned into a constant growl by the time he deemed it finished, and got into the nice, warm, vehicle. The neighbor boy used to shovel snow for him, but he had to go and move away to some esteemed college like a brat. As if the one here in town wasn't good enough. A degree was a degree, dammit.

So he had to do the laborious task himself, which would be fine, because he wasn't some lazy, spoiled, kid. But sometimes his back like to give him troubles when he had bad nights like the one he'd had and being out in the snow made him kind of tired...

Not because he was old, just because he had a bad mattress, and he always worked long hours. He most certainly wasn't getting old.

40 is the new 30, after all. Even though he wasn't 40 anymore...

After that he'd made a trip to the general store to get the various necessities he couldn't live without, then stopped by the grocery mart to get a bare minimum of groceries. Then he'd gone home, put everything away, put new sheets on his bed, made something to eat.

... And now he was standing in the foyer grinding his teeth in anger.

Good lord, he hadn't felt so unsettled in years. He'd mused with himself often that he'd simply out-grown the ability to be bored. But damn it all if that wasn't exactly what he was!

Maybe he shouldn't have loaded Hidan down with  _all_  his work. Obviously he should have kept some for himself. In all honesty he'd just been upset with the brat because he'd had to give him a ride home. As if dealing with his incessant tantrums and vulgar mouth all afternoon long weren't enough torture. The man was twenty-two, for the love of Abraham! And yet he was mooching off that Uchiha boy and bumming rides from work. He didn't even want to know how the moron got the money to support his smoking.

Never in his life had he met a more immature adult. Hell, he knew children,  _toddlers_  that had more intelligence than that idiotic wonder.

Teaching him how to charge the insurance agencies had been a nightmare, to say the least. Showing him how to go about matching up each bill receipt with an appointment date had been hell. And trying to explain his general work ethics to the man so he could start working the patient scheduling... well, he'd given up on that one. He'd had to stop and rip the appointment book from the mans hands and go back to his office and squeeze on his stress ball for a good half hour to keep from just smashing the dense idiot's skull into the desk.

Kakuzu didn't mind questions, really. All of his interns had had to ask questions, he was a doctor, he was used to being asked questions. But Hidan's questions... Well, it was safe to say the doctor was no longer a believer in the phrase 'There are no stupid questions.' Because, without a doubt, every single one of them that the insufferable little shit had asked had been undeniably fucking stupid.

And every time the moron couldn't understand something, he had to launch into some asinine rant, as if it were the scheduling book's fault that it had spaces for appointments at 9:30 and 9:45 but not 9:40 or 9:35.

There was no Doctor's appointment in the world that lasted only 5 minutes!

He blinked himself out of his rage-filled reminiscing.

DAMMIT! The brat was even ruining Kakuzu's day off with nothing but his memory!

He stormed through the livingroom, down the hall, and into his bedroom, glaring around at the contents of the room in an angry search for something,  _anything_  to do to distract him until he could go to bed.

His eyes landed on the clock. It was only 5. Fucking hell he still had another 5 hours to go before he could even have a chance of falling asleep.

There  _had_  to be something to do to help pass the time... something he hadn't done in awhile. Like... like... like what though?

A sudden ringing had him turning to look out into the livingroom, confused for only a second before he realized that it was his phone.

That was strange, he rarely ever got calls on Saturdays.

He quickly made his way too it, looking at the little screen on the front.

'Kisame H.' It read.

He raised a brow, That was even stranger. He was usually the one to call the man...

Then his spirits skyrocketed, and he found himself smiling as he flipped open the phone and lifted it to his ear. If Kisame was calling him, that meant he had to have found some loophole that would allow him to get that insufferable idiot out of his workplace and out of his life.

"Yes?"

"Kakuzu! Oh hey, I uh... I didn't actually think you'd answer."

"You're lucky, you caught me in between tasks." Just a small lie, not like it would hurt anyone. Besides, Kisame was the last person he wanted to explain to that he couldn't seem to stop being pissed because his new employee kept popping into his head. "Have you found anything out?"

"What? ... OH! Oh, uh, no man. All I managed to pry up is maybe if you had him take a piss test and he had drugs in his system. But Itachi says they've been having him do regular blood-testing down at ABHC*. I mean, they can't give out his confidential information like that, so he  _could_  still be on them for all we know. But I mean.. Itachi.. he lives with the guy, he'd probably be able to tell if he were. So I guess it's a shot, but not a very good one."

Kakuzu sighed into the phone. "Your ability to error so terribly on a job you've been doing for  _years_  astounds me, Hoshigaki."

"Yeah yeah, I know..." He replied, and If Kakuzu weren't mistaken, it certainly seemed like the man was upset about something. And for him to be upset enough for for the resident asshole to notice, then perhaps it was worth asking about. After all, he'd decided yesterday that he needed to inform his ocean-loving friend that he may have been rash. But then again, that was before he'd had to endure the  _real_  Hidan. At the end of the day he'd been mentally beating the shit out of himself for doing such a bloody stupid thing.

"Hey! I guess that means I owe you one huh?" Kisame said before he had the chance to inquire about his melancholy tone, which was now suddenly chipper again.

"Why don't you let me buy you a beer eh? It's been awhile since I've actually talked to you without this phone stuck to my head."

Kakuzu was thrown completely by this suggestion, and for the first time in years, was speechless.

"C'moooon buddy! It'll be like back in the day ya'know? I know your uptight ass could use some relaxation more than anyone's."

Finally recovering, Kakuzu's reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Why don't you go with that Uchiha boy?"

There was a few heartbeats of silence on the other end. " Well he's... he's busy..."

Again with the distraught undertones. Kakuzu sighed audibly.

"Hey Kakuzu, we're pretty decent friends right? I mean, not trying to be sappy or anything. We've known each other forever though, ya know?"

He rolled his eyes, Oh for the love of- "I suppose so, yes."

"Alright, Then have a few beers with me. You need to get out and go somewhere other than that office. I'm going fucking stir-crazy over at my place you're the closest friend I have to my own age... I mean, why not?"

He took a moment to null this over. He'd wanted something to do, and here Kisame was offering something to do. It  _was_  Saturday, slightly after 5. He literally had nothing to do here, no reason to decline.

But he hadn't had alcohol in... well it felt like years, though he knew for a fact that he'd relented to having a twelve pack on his birthday... Which he'd drank alone, at his house...

Damn, maybe he was getting old...

His eyes clenched shut as he mentally kicked at himself over and over. "Fine. Only because you  _do_  owe me... Where do you want to meet?"

"Alriiight!" Kisame said loudly, and Dr. Hoku had the distinct notion that he had probably thrown his fist into the air like some teenager. "Just meet me down at Trophy's*, it'll be just like the old days. Hah!"

"Fine. I'll be there in a minute." He grumbled, slapping the phone shut as Kisame thanked him and blabbered on like a fool.

A bar. Shit, Kakuzu hadn't been to a bar in years upon years. Frankly he was a little surprised Trophy's was even still open. It was where he and Kisame had always gone in their college days.

Well, it's not as if they were going there with the same intent as back them. There was no sexual agenda, just a couple of old friends hanging out.

He sighed and went to the coat closet to bundle himself back up.

If this turned out to be another terrible mistake, Kisame would be eating his his teeth.


	5. Chapter 5

There was nothing to be done about the weather, much to Kakuzu's dissatisfaction. But then again, he was rarely ever pleased with it. Fall was admittedly his favorite, though he despised all the damn leaves, he appreciated the fact that the annoying children around his neighborhood had to go back to school. It rarely affected him during the day, seeing as he was at work before most people even woke up, and didn't come home until the younger ones were already in bed.

He just liked knowing the fact that they were forced back into what many of them liked to refer to as prison, as if they had any clue. That, and when the weather cooled down he didn't find so many frisbees and balls and other miscellaneous toys on his property.

Summer was by far his least favorite. With the warm weather and everyone out getting plenty of Vitamin D and exercise, well, he rarely had a full schedule during the day but for random, sometimes unnecessary checkups he scheduled just to keep himself busy.

Winter... Winter sat in that gray area in his conflicting feelings. Bad weather brought customers and therefore money flooding in, but it was so damn cold! The snow caused just as conflicting feelings as well. In the right setting it certainly set a melancholy but serene aura to the small city, he appreciated the sound buffer it caused against the various sounds of daily life too. But the ache that the cold caused in him, well, it was just another irritating reminder about his increasing age. He was not old, absolutely not, but he could not honestly admit that he was young anymore either...

The kids were still in school during this season, another plus, but most of them still played outside when they weren't, which was aggravating. Just in the stretch of time between returning home and then going back out to meet Kisame, a snowman had spontaneously appeared in his front yard.

He hadn't wasted time in punching it's head right off it's body.

Damn kids... Why did they always make those abominations of art smiling? Life wasn't all shits and giggles, in fact it was the opposite. Fooling themselves with such a delusion would only make it harder when they suddenly found themselves dangerously nearing 50 with no actual life to speak of, except being a slave to the pursuit of the dreams you spent your childhood fantasizing about.

 

Damn, he really was in a sour mood today...

 

Maybe Kisame was right, maybe he needed to get out of his normal routine.

Hah. And maybe pigs should sprout wings and be processed into 'lightweight' bacon. This was a one-time thing, he was only giving it a chance for the fact that Kisame was always cheerful, even when he was being mercilessly berated by the Doctor, even when he was upset; he still cracked jokes and used heavy sarcasm. Hearing the man sound uncharacteristically uncertain was concerning  _juuuust_  enough to make the Doctor willing to humor him.

And besides, he knew better than to ask the older man to associate with him outside of their respective careers unless there was a damn good reason behind it. They had not "hung out" since Kisame had first landed that job at the courthouse some 6 years after Kakuzu opened the clinic and their friendship shifted more to an occupational partnership.

 

Damn, that was a loooong time ago... where did the years go?

Perhaps it  _was_  time to have a small chat that didn't relate to work.

 

Surely their relationship wasn't the problem. Kisame was getting reasonably close to his forties, he acted perfectly his age if perhaps a little too laid back for Kakuzu's tastes. Something so ridiculous couldn't be bothering the man so much to prefer the Doctors company over that Uchiha boy he obsessed over.

He came to a stop at a red light, eyes squinting as he considered this and chased down that train of thought.

What if the Uchiha was the problem? It could very well be a possibility. He  _had_  mentioned his dissatisfaction with the boy for the catastrophe at work yesterday. Judging by the way- what was his first name? Itachi? Judging by the way Itachi had defended Hidan against Kakuzu, he would probably take the albino's side against Kisame as well. After all, you'd have to be loyal as hell to let someone with all the problems Hidan had stay in your home with you. Well, that or insane.

The light turned to green and he continued on his route as if on autopilot while his mind worked to solve this strange predicament.

No, even if those were true circumstances, Kisame was not that kind of person to go complaining to other people about someone else. He was far more polite than Kakuzu on most occasions, but the two shared a common opinion of people like that. Attention-seeking imbeciles is all they were.

If he was a little put-off about it though, it stands to reason he may feel the need to have a few beers and get it off his mind.

But inviting Kakuzu?

Bah, he concluded with a growl that this mystery was best left alone until he could simply ask his friend what the hell was going on. He'd already consented to the man's offer, there was no going back now anyway.

 

At long last his destination came into view. There seemed to be a quite a few other people there as well, and this fact only made his scowl deepen as he turned into the parking lot.

At least he was granted one mercy, it seemed. Kisame's white, old-school, Cadillac sat in a corner stall, with an open space directly beside it. The coincidence of this concerned him only slightly, as he was too busy calming his sudden irritation at his friend and his recent streak of bad luck alike for putting him through this.

Doctor Hoku, at a bar among the common drunks and hooligans of the town. Disgraceful.

The only bright side was that no one of value would see him here, and if perchance anyone of such standings were here to witness, then they most likely would keep their mouths shut to prevent the knowledge of their presence at the place from getting out as well.

At least he hoped so.

He exited the car, locked it, and made sure the alarm was set. You can never be too careful with your investments, after all.

Then, with a deep breath and heavy following sigh, made his way inside.

 

* * *

 

"Ugh, you ass!" Itachi's voice said loudly from the kitchen. Hidan raised a brow, looking over his shoulder and outstretched arm laying across the back of the couch towards the outburst.

"What the fuck did  _I_ do?" He shouted over the unnecessarily loud volume of the T.V., which was currently eliciting a glass-shattering scream from a woman being sawed in half.

"Not you!" Itachi replied, coming to stand just barely within the man's view. "Kisame."

"WHAT?" The albino called out, making his roommate wince and then stomp angrily over to him, snatch the remote from his hands, and click the mute button.

"Hey! I'm watching that you bitch!"

"Well at least turn it down, I can't even hear myself think."

"Tch. You think too much anyway." Hidan grumbled, twisting to swipe the remote back and unmute his movie. He did turn it down to a reasonable level though, mainly for the fact that he thought he'd heard Itachi say Kisame was the one making him mad. And if that were the case, he wanted in on whatever shit-talking session was about to occur.

Not to say his best friend was two-faced or anything, but on the occasions he did get upset enough, he could get pretty nasty.

"Did you say Shark-dick was the ass?"

"Yes." Itachi said, coming around into the little entertainment area and throwing himself onto the open loveseat. "I need to ask a favor of him and the jerk has been ignoring my calls all day."

Hidan clicked his tongue. Jerk? Not bastard, or son of a bitch, or donkey-raping shit-eater?

Well, obviously he wasn't upset enough for this conversation to be interesting. He turned his attention back to the television. Unless it was funny, he had no interest in Itachi's relationships. He'd learned to keep himself uninvolved in those matters way back in highschool when he'd somehow not only been dragged into that stupid drama, he'd somehow become the main cause of it. Back then the two hadn't been that close, it wasn't until Itachi's crush/next target (who happened to be a teacher) started taking time after school to tutor Hidan due to his continuous failing grades that the two actually started paying attention to each other's presence. This originally had been a convoluted scheme by the Uchiha designed to get his crush/teacher to notice him as well. He'd befriended Hidan under false pretenses and for whatever reason had ended up actually sticking with the friendship. Hidan could only guess that it was because he defended the Uchiha when the whole ordeal suddenly turned into some terrible sitcom when Itachi's father took the man to court for statutory rape after discovering his eldest son had been sneaking out at night to go to his teacher's house.

Hidan had then came to the conclusion that he had stuck by all these years. Itachi was just as batshit crazy as him, just in a much more subtle, socially-acceptable way.

Upon his return to this place, (one of the many towns and citits in which he made friends and grew up, but certainly the one he'd had the most fun in) and his discovery that Itachi had gone on to get a degree in psychology, he'd damn near died in a fit of laughter.

"Well he  _does_  have his own life and shit to live. Maybe he wants a damn day off from you forcing yourself on him."

Itachi's head snapped up at this, giving his roommate a glare that went unnoticed.

"I do not  _force_  myself on him. And I do not bother him constantly. I've made sure to keep my visits to only twice a week, unless he requests otherwise. And you and I both know that's not the damn reason."

"Mmhmm. Okay O'master-of-the-human-mind. What the fuck's his problem then?" The albino replied, eyes still glued to the television as the random body parts of the woman were served to the mutant cannibals who'd murdered her like some Thanksgiving feast. He did keep half his attention on the man, though. He was certainly riled.

"Well maybe your boss went and gave him hell for your abhorrent behavior yesterday. He is, after all, the one who convinced Dr. Hoku to hire you. If he's as evil as you both claim I imagine he got the shit end of the stick for that one."

Hidan turned now. That was two swears, and now his anger was turning direction,  _his_ direction.

"He may very well be upset with  _me_  for vouching for  _you_!"

"Whoa, 'Tachi." He held his hands up in mock surrender. Just one more thing to hate that stupid asshole for. Some wise old doctor he was, tattling like that. "C'mon you said they've been pals since way before you came into the picture. He's probably used to that fuckin' miser giving him shit. And I wasn't that bad! Seriously! I still held my tongue more than usual. It's gotta be something else! How do you even know he's ignoring you? Maybe he's fuckin' busy!"

"Hn." Itachi relaxed back onto the cushions,staringg distantly at the wall. "Because it rings two or three times and jumps to his voicemail."

He said nothing more as a rescue group barged into the cannibals feast with guns raging on the television. Hidan's eyes flicked back and forth from the screen to his sullen friend in cautious silence.

Really, the man could be such a _pansy_  sometimes...

"Perhaps I did make him uncomfortable..." Itachi muttered, more to himself than his roommate. The albino bit his lip, wanting desperately to finish the flick but knowing he couldn't be so much of an ass as to just let Itachi sit there when he was having what was clearly an exponential crisis as far as the Uchiha was concerned.

Hidan rolled his eyes and managed to withhold his sigh of irritation. Damn, he'd already spent a good portion of the day explaining in ridiculously excruciating detail all that had occurred on his first day of work.

After his little meltdown, he'd personally thought things had gone much more smoothly. Sure, there'd been a lot of yelling, he'd been punched in the shoulder by the surprisingly strong old man a few times, and a few customers had walked in on their bickering matches only to turn around and walk right back out. But all in all he'd still accomplished every task the Doctor had given him, answered all the phone calls, successfully rescheduled all the clients that had skipped their appointments in favor of avoiding being dragged into the two men's fight, and thanks to his wonderful friend he'd even gotten all the extra work done that he'd been sent home with, even after he'd fallen asleep ten minutes after their little argument and Itachi had finished the rest by himself.

Suck on that, Kakuzu, you fuckin' dick.

But, as he'd explained all these events to the Uchiha, his charcoal gaze had grown more and more accusing. So apparently he hadn't done as well as he could have.

Really though, what was he supposed to do!? Dr. Hoku  _told_  him to drop the pretenses. It definitely had lowered his anxiety, and anger, to do so. And with the way the old man had reacted, going from a stoic old tightass to a shouting abusive asshole, well how was he supposed to know that was bad!? Really, they worked together so much better that way!

"How do you figure that?" He finally said, clicking the mute and twisting on the couch. No, he certainly couldn't just let his friend sit there and mope, not with all he owed him. Even if thuse touchy feely talks made him want to throw up and chug down an entire bottle of Jack*... it was either do this or suffer the small tyrants wrath later for whatever reason he felt like using.

Itachi was silent for a moment, face scrunched in thought. His dark eyes flicked up to Hidan.

"Do you remember Deidara? He was only a freshman when we were seniors."

Hidan nodded. How could anyone not remember the fucking uproar that little blonde freak made at the school.

"Yeah. Everyone called him a chick. So he kept trying to screw all the girls to prove he was a dude, and they started the rumor that he was gay."

"Yes." Itachi said, smiling slightly. "But he wasn't."

"I thought that turned out being true?" Hidan almost shouted. "'Cause that fuckin' spring break party he got caught making out with a dude! I remember that much from that night. That was the day before they switched me to a new fuckin foster family without letting me tell you or Nagato or Yahiko goodbye!"

"Yes. That was me." Itachi said, smiling in a mixture of embarrassment and mischievous pride.

Hidan couldn't react right away, as his words didn't click into place just yet. Yeah, he kind of remembered getting separated from the guy most of the night. He'd been far too fucking drunk to search for more than five minutes before he'd been distracted by joining in on the keg stand a few of his classmates were doing.

"That was you... you were the one who caught him?"

The raven-haired man chuckled and shook his head, laying his palm over his eyes. "No Hidan, I was the one he was caught  _with_."

The albinos face twisted in confusion, then realization, and he burst into what started as a small laugh and quickly escalated into an uncontrollable fit of glee.

"NO way! BahahahaHAHAHA! Oh my God 'Tachi! You little  _slut_! THAT'S FUCKING PRICELESS!  _OH MY GOD_!"

"Yes... well..." His roommate replied, cheeks tinted slightly. "I think I might have done the same thing to Kisame..."

"Made out with him in a closet wasted off your ass?" The still laughing man replied.

"No! Not the same situation but the same circumstance! Deidara hated me after that, and though he rarely succeeded he often did his best to cause me to suffer the same humiliation he was put through. He spread horrible rumors about me and my family, that we were all incest and suffered from multiple STD's as well as worshipped the devil, and bullied Sasuke mercilessly for two years when he became a freshman."

Hidan stopped his laughter now, brow dropping in anger. He'd never known all this, the funny parts or the darker ones. The Uchihas were a well respected and also feared family, for someone, especially some teenager, to have the balls to stand up to them and besmirch their name like that. It couldn't have ended well.

"Your Dad didn't do anything about it?"

"Well, he'd grown tired of my sexual orientation by then. He sent me off to the farthest college he could bribe my way into once I graduated and told me to get myself help and to never show my face in this town again."

"Damn Uchiha. I didn't know you ever even left this place... HEY! You're saying you It only took you three fucking years to get your degree?" Hidan snapped. It wasn't so hard to believe, really. Itachi excelled in just about anything he did. He had always had a 4.0 grade average, and before he stopped going out for sports he'd been an all-star athlete. He hadn't exactly been popular like the other jocks, but there wasn't a soul in the entire school Hidan could remember that had even been able to bring themselves to dislike the guy. If it hadn't been glaringly obvious that he was hardcore gay he probably would have had a swarm of girls following him constantly as well. Not that he wasn't still 'best friends' with every female in that place, but that was different.

Itachi sighed. "Anyway, what I was trying to explain before you threw me off track is that I'm frightened that I may have sent Kisame down the same road..."

" _PFFT_! Are you retarded? There's a difference between your butt-buddy and that fuckin' blonde dumbass. First of all, he obviously wants your dick. Dei didn't even really know you, you were both probably fucked up, shit, he might have even thought you were a girl."

"He knew who I was. He was the one flirting with me, initially." Itachi said matter-of-factly.

Hidan stared at him before shaking his head and holding a hand up. "Okay I don't want any more details. I officially hate that shit-eater now anyway. Fucking little bitch, going after your family because he's too much of a coward to confront you. I wish I could've been there..."

"That most likely would have just worsened the situation anyway. Your 'help' rarely ever does what it's intended."

"Tch. Fuck you.  _Anyway_ , this guy is completely different from that Idiot. Because he obviously fucking adores the shit out of you. I mean, even Kakuzu said he never shuts up about you. So I'm gonna guess that the only thing you're connecting these two together with is the fact that they don't like guys."

Itachi's eyes lowered and his face dropped. Hidan had to work to fight back the anger this caused. It was a misplaced emotion, he was fully aware, but he couldn't help it. There was no reason for the confident Uchiha to be worried. And it pissed him off that the man would show this weakness all because his boyfriend wouldn't answer his calls. He was over-reacting, like a fucking teenage girl.

"I really never could determine if he were straight or not. It's strange, I mean he always talked about women and past relationships or would make subtle comments about it and, you know, came off that way at first, but the more I learned of him the harder it was to be sure of. He takes care of his body, he goes to the hair salon, he likes pedicures, he doesn't mind talking about sensitive emotional stuff like most heterosexual men. I couldn't help myself Hida, sometime he looks at me and I feel like I'm going to die if I can't have him soon."

Hidan promptly made a rude gagging noise, and Itachi sent him a death glare.

"So what then? Did you finally ask him to fuck you or what?"

"No, you insensitive child." Itachi stated quickly, "I'm not a douchebag! Don't make that face thats not even a swear! ... I did make a move on Friday though..."

The albino snorted, eyes back on the T.V. though the sound was still off. "'Bout fuckin' time. You've been trying to bang that guy since I've been here."

"Oh I've been at it since long before you showed up. He's almost as dense as you sometimes, I swear."

Hidan only grunted in response to this, making the Uchiha roll his eyes.

"What I don't understand is that he responded eagerly enough to it. And now he won't even talk to me. We were both perfectly sober, it's not as if he weren't aware of what was happening..."

"And you think  _I'm_  the dense one." Hidan muttered.

Itachi's brow lowered at this. "Well I'm not sitting here sharing with you because I have it all figured out. If you have something to add Hidan, come out with it."

"Fine." The pale man said, angrily stabbing at the remote and shutting the movie off completely now. "Your problem is that you're too fuckin' smart and you think shit through too much. You're like a goddamn chick making such a deal out of this. If you wanna understand the guy you gotta  _think_  like a guy. We think with our dicks, 'kay? You're hot, that's a fact, he probably didn't resist you because of that. You make yourself out to look like a fuckin' girl, and it probably got his pecker all confused, y'know?"

The slightly younger man winced at Hidan's crude explanation, but listened attentively none-the-less.

"So here's this guy who's never thought sexually about another guy in all his life suddenly... wait, what'd you do to him?"

"First base." Itachi said.

"Alright so here's this straight guy suddenly making out with another guy. He's not thinking anything of it at the time 'cause his mind is in sex mode. But today I fuckin' guarantee he's confused as shit with himself.  _That's_  probably why he don't wanna talk to your ass. You got his libido all fuckin' fuckered up."

Hidan pushed himself from the coutch, rudely paused to scratch his ass, and then took off into the office space that had been converted into his bedroom. Before he was pulled any further into this touchy-feely shit. Staying in the house all day had been a bad Idea, he was getting anxious. And so made up his mind to go for a jog. Damn the snow, he couldn't stay here while Itachi was on his man-period like he was.

" _Fuckered_?" Itachi mumbled to himself, looking down at his phone.

 

* * *

 

 

"So you two are getting along now then?" Kisame said, taking another swig of his beer.

"Hardley. It's all I can do to keep from strangling the idiot." Kakuzu replied deeply, repeating the action.

He'd never been particularly fond of the taste of beer, but now that he was on his 5th one, it was getting easier. And he certianly felt less tense, though his mood had not improved only for the fact that they'd spent the last hour talking about his new employee and how rediculous his first day on the job had been. His friend has seemed particularly amused at the beginning of the story when Hidan had been acting a perfect little angel. When he'd mentioned the idiot actually  _thanking_  him for being so rude as to instruct the man not to call him by his name, Kisame had nearly fallen off his stool in his fit of laughter.

"After that boy you're always hanging around with came by to check on him, and his little temper tantrum, he's been acting more of a fool than ever. The twerp threatened to call the police if I refused to give him a ride home after that Uchiha forgot to pick him up. The nerve, I wish I'd have just kept my mouth shut."

Kisame gave him a somber smile and clapped him on the back. "See, we both needed some down time after yesterday."

Kakuzu snorted at this, "And what the hell did you do that was so stressful? Don't bother telling me it was anything close to what I endured, thanks to you no less." He took another large swallow from the glass bottle.

"Hey now! You were always such a happy drunk you old miser. Don't quit on me now!"

"As were you." Kakuzu stated, turning to regard his old friend.

The thing about Kisame is that, even though he and Kakuzu had personalities from two different planets, the men could easily pass for brothers, and had pretended such a thing on more than one occasion to escape the consequences of their shenanigans.

In fact, it was one of the things that had started this friendship, though most people assumed it had begun when the men went to school together. In truth the two had 8 years difference in their ages, not once had they ever attended the same school at the same time.

Kakuzu's skin was dark due mainly to his father's Spanish blood, while his hair remained a chocolatey brown thanks to his mother.

But Kisame was what they called an 'African-American', these days. Though his blood descended more from Caribbean descent than anything African. As far as society was concerned, if you were black, then you were just black.

Kakuzu had never thought of him that way though, seeing as the man's skin was actually a slightly lighter shade than his own. And he didn't have the stereotypical appearance that people slapped on  _Caribbean_ -Americans either. His hair, a deep, deep, shiny ebony, was not a tangled, unmanageable mess at all, it was as smooth and soft as any Caucasians by all appearances. It  _was_  a little bit course and somewhat stiff when you actually felt it, but his old friend seemed to like that, made it easier to style, he often said. In fact one of Kisame's lesser obsessions was that of his hair. He was always having it professionally colored and styled. Back when they were younger he'd had the idea to have it a dark, sort of navy blue, and had kept it that way for years. But now it was back to his natural color with just a few nicely placed dark blonde highlights throughout it, and it was combed up into some sort of style that spiked up toward the front and leaned toward the left just a smidge.

His facial structure was awkwardly similar to Kakuzu's, the only difference being a narrower jaw and more pronounced cheekbones. Even their noses were identical. And as for his eyes... well... Kisame  _did_  have brown eyes, a long time ago. But due to a run-in with an angry shark in the middle of birthing her young he'd had one summer while vacationing down in the Bahama's, he'd had to undergo some eye surgery (and a bit of skin grafting) to keep from going blind completley. Kakuzu had never been able to get a detailed description of what exactly the surgeons did to cause it, but after he'd finally been able to take the bandages off, Kisame's iris's had turned to a pitch black, and remained that way ever since.

His friend had been overjoyed at this fact, He'd embraced the whole accident rather well, actually, though it had taken everyone who knew him a very long time to get used to it, seeing as he had terrible scars all over his body as well, the most noticable being three concentric triangle-shaped scars on his right cheekbone that haphazardly resembled gills. Sometimes he liked to terrify children with the story of how he was bitten by a radio-active shark and had half-way transformed into one, and now craved human flesh.

"So are you going to enlighten me as to what you've been moping about this whole time? Or keep pretending I'm not going to notice." Kakuzu finally said blatantly.

The ocean-loving man seemed to be taken off-guard for a moment as he finished off his 7th bottle and smacked it down onto the bar. He recovered with a laugh, looking at the older man with his emotions carefully masked. "What're you talking about? You getting Alzheimer's or somethin'?"

Kakuzu only stared back at him, features unreadable.

Kisame shifted, and cleared his throat. "I don't really wanna talk about it... it's stupid."

"If it's bothering you so much then it can't be your normal stupidity at work. You invited me out here for a reason, I've played along with this game long enough."

The deep pits that the man had for eyes seemed to stare longingly back at the coffee-skinned man, at war with himself whether to do what his friend was asking or attempt to shrug it off again.

"You know how I feel about being lied to..." Kakuzu pressed on, not quite sure why he cared so much to try this hard. Must be the alcohol, he didn't even feel buzzed yet, but he'd blame it on that regardless.

Finally his drunk friend reached up to scratch a spot on his head and run his fingers through his hair. It smoothed and laid flat with the pressure, but sprang back up to it's previous position as soon as he let his hand down.

"Yeah, I know. I'm not lying though, I just... I don't know man we're getting too old to have these kinds of problems... It's embarrassing, is all."

"If you truely do not wish to speak of it then you should not have asked for my company." Kakuzu said, finishing off his beer and motioning to the bartender for two more for them both. His anger was trickling away now, since they'd finally gotten off the subject of that insufferable moron. And as uncharacteristic as he knew it was, his reminiscing had tricked his tipsy mind into actually being rather concerned for his best friend.

Hm. He'd not referred to Kisame as his  _best_  friend since... well... since they last drank together.

"Obviously you are in need of some sort of guidance. I  _am_  a doctor. So hurry up and spit it out."

"Kakuzu, I don't think you'd understand. Really, I just wanted to have a beer and relax like the old times."

"You're lying. I can tell. You're transparent. Do not lie to me Kisame. I have no quarrels with leaving right now."

"See this is what I mean by not understanding-"

"I would understand if you would stop dancing around the subject." Kakuzu said, twisting the cap from his beer with no assistance from the bottle opener the waitress had given them when they'd first sat down. "We are not two young girls, Kisame, though I've forgotten your tendency to be so sensitive like one. Stop worrying about how I'm going to react and get on with it."

His friend continued to sit in thoughtful silence while the elder man swallowed down half the bottle. Finally he gave a slow blink and chuckled.

"You're such an ass, Kakuzu, old pal."

"Well someone has to be with all the whiners running around this planet."

Kisame chuckled again and opened his own beer, having to use the bottle opener after a few moments of failure.

"Just... it's embarrassing okay? Don't make it any worse.."

Kakuzu scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Just get on with it before I come to my senses and swear off this devil's drink for good."

"Okay, okay!" He said, eyes downcast as he scratched at the label on his beer. "So uh. On Friday during lunch... Itachi came by. And, you know, I jumped his ass about the kid like I said I was going to and he jumped mine right back saying he warned me of the kid's behavior and all that.."

Kakuzu held up his hand at this. "He  _warned_ you? So you  _knew_  that idiot was out of his mind before you put him in my care?"

"NO! No I swear! All he said is he doesn't do well with authority and he's been known not to hold down a job! I mean he said it in a lot nicer way but that's all he said!"

Kakuzu eyed him, growling, before taking another swig. Then he gestured with a wave for his friend to continue with his story.

Kisame cleared his throat before he did so. "Uh.. so anyway after that he said he visited Hidan and finally met you and..." He covered up a chuckle by pretending to cough into his fist. "And uh, well basically he thinks this job is perfect for the kid. Says maybe with you working with him at the clinic and Itachi babysitting him at home, he'll straighten himself out."

"I doubt that. I've never met a more oblivious full-grown man in my life. Get to the point already."

"Yeah, okay... well.. after lunch we just kinda chatted back and forth like usual and then he went to leave and I got up to follow him and unlock the front door and then all the sudden he turned around and I almost ran him over. And he looks up at me and he's got this... this _weird_ look on his face..."

"And..." Kakuzu said, trying to hold back his smirk. He knew now what had happened, why the man seemed to tense every time that Uchiha was mentioned. He'd suspected this as soon as he'd laid eyes on the boy. No man was that feminine without a motive behind it.

"And uh... he... he uhm... you know, got up on his tippy toes and then his arms were around my neck and... everything kinda went fuzzy..."

"Oh for the love of-Kisame he  _kissed_  you, stop being so squeamish." Kakuzu said, turning away from the man to motion to the bartender to bring more beverages in order to hide his face, scrunched up in effort to keep in his laughter.

He didn't laugh, dammit. He was Kakuzu Hoku; miser, scrooge, asshole.

"SHH! Jesus, Kakuzu, you want me to shout it from the fuckin' mountaintops! I'm a little humiliated, so sue me! I don't know what the hell to make of this!"

"Well I don't see what the problem would be with it. One look at that boy tells you he's never seen a naked female in his life. You should have expected it, really."

"Yeah I know that but I didn't think he'd try anything with me! I've never given him reason to think I like him  _like that._ You know. I mean, damn, he's sat there and listened to me talk to clients and friends alike on the phone about women and shit like that! He's smart as a damn tack Kakuzu, I figured he knew I'm straight."

"Well if he's that smart then obviously you had to have given him something that he took as affection."

"But I don't know what it is! I never paid attention, he's just so easy to be around you know, it's like he's not even there sometimes, like you're just talking to yourself with a different voice."

"That doesn't even make sense, you fool."

"Yes it does! You just need to get to know him better."

"So he can kiss  _me_  too? No thank you."

"God stop saying that word, so juvenile. And he wouldn't like you anyway. He thinks you're a judgemental narcissist."

"Is that jealousy I hear?"

"What? Hell no! I don't like men Kakuzu! That's what this whole thing is about. Fuck, I told you you wouldn't get it." He grabbed both sides or his head and leaned over the bar. "It just sucks you know? I don't wanna hurt his feelings, it's like telling a little kid he can't have a birthday party! And despite all that he's a damn good friend; reliable, thoughtful, patient, funny, smart, polite until you piss him off. He's so fuckin' funny when he gets to ranting, and oh God you should see him tell someone off, he reduced this one girl to tears once at the coffee shop-"

"You certainly don't sound like you think of him as only a friend, Kisame. Listen to yourself. What kind of straight man goes on like that about anyone other than a woman?"

His friend was silent at this, studying the bar as if it would magically give him all the answers.

After three minutes of this had gone by and Kakuzu had finished off his beer once again, he turned completely toward the sullen man.

"Here is the question I have. If you are so sure of your sexuality, why does it bother you so much? I've never known you to be so un-confident, Kisame. It's disheartening and frankly it pisses me off." He paused to give the unresponsive guy a small shove. "Look at me when I talk to you! You wanted a second opinion and I'm giving it to you, free of charge, which is something I  _never_  do. So pay attention."

Kisame finally turned to him, brows raised in cautious interest.

"I noticed you said that he kissed you. But what I'm curious to know is what happened after that? Specifically, what I'm asking, is if you kissed him back."

The dark-skinned man threw his hands up in the air, sliding forward off the barstool.

"YES! GODDAMMIT YES I DID AND FUCK ME IF IT WASN'T THE HOTTEST DAMN THING EVER!"

Kakuzu finally did burst into laughter now. He simply couldn't hold it in. Being the borderline sadist he was, it was just too much to withhold his joy at seeing his friend so tortured by this. Especially now that he was drunk and making a scene.

He supposed it probably  _would_  be a significant concern for a man like Kisame, always so sure of who he was, content to let life play out for the fact that he had no quarrels with his own. Finding this out was almost like finding out some terrible secret that had been kept from you all your life. Kakuzu was suddenly glad he'd been as open-minded as he was in his younger days. If he'd had to deal with this now, he'd probably be acting much the same as his friend here.

The entire population of the building turned at least momentarily to look at the ranting man, a few of them letting out inebriated chuckles, before they each went back to their own business.

Kakuzu was glad for this, at least.  _Everyone_  here was off their asses, and everyone was aware of this, which made them all less inclined to care when someone did something stupid.

"IT'S AWFUL KAKUZU YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW! This just makes everything worse! I wish I  _wouldn't_  have liked it because now I can't stop thinking about it and I can't answer his calls cause every time I even  _think_ about talking to him my throat gets all tight and I get this weird fluttery shit in my stomach and it's just awful" He was pacing now, waving his hands around as he explained the situation loudly.

Kakuzu was absolutely losing it in his seat. Horrified by the fact that he couldn't stop laughing, and then laughing even harder when that struck him as hilarious for some reason he didn't understand.

Oh God if anyone saw him like this...

"I don't have that many friends, you know?! Everyone's always freaked out with these scars or just turn out to be shifty people and you and him are the only people I've got and I'm scared to lose him and scared to actually be with him cause WHAT THE FUCK!? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME I LIKE GUYS!?" He punched the elder man in the shoulder to punctuate this last sentence, rescuing him from his fit of laughter.

Kakuzu, in that one millisecond, suddenly became deadly serious again, sliding from the barstool and grabbing the ranting man by his shoulders both to steady himself and Kisame as well. Damn, he'd become a lightweight over the years.

"Stop. Acting. Like a child." He said carefully. "You are a grown man. I've dealt with enough immature nonsense for a lifetime these past few days."

He guided Kisame back to his seat, looking around the room to give the darkest glare he could muster to anyone still watching the display. Then he sat back in his own spot and pinched the bridge of his nose. Forget Kisame's ridiculous relationship problems, there was now a far more important matter to attend to, he suddenly realized after not being able to stand properly.

How the hell were they supposed to get home in this condition? Speaking of immature, he hadn't even thought about the fact that they'd be drinking when he drove himself here....

"Listen closely. I'm going to tell you how to solve this problem." He said lowly, not letting the man break eye contact with him.

"You are going to stop with this hysteric nonsense, first of all. And then you're going to call us a cab. When you get home you're going to go to sleep and then tomorrow when you're feeling better, you're going to call that little weasel and explain to him everything you've just told me. Then let the rest happen as it happens."

"But he's a  _guy_ , Kakuzu. For Fuck's sake he has a d-"

"I'm well aware of human anatomy you blubbering idiot. Times have changed since we were their age. It's not prohibited for such things to happen anymore. Stop your crying and be a man."

"But I'm not a man now!"

Kakuzu promptly slapped him across the face at this, and Kisame stared back in shocked silence.

"You're embarrassing yourself by your reaction to it, there is no shame in the problem itself. I think nothing less of you, the boy obviously doesn't either, and as you said, we are your only support. The only one here not okay with this discovery is you. Pull yourself together." He growled, leaning close to his friend, who put his hands over his face.

"You just don't get it..." His muffled voice came out.

Kakuzu let out a half-growl, half-sigh and this and stood up immediately, grabbing the drunken man and yanking him from his place as well.

He fumbled in his wallet for enough money to pay off both of their tabs, which luckily wasn't too awful much, seeing as both of the men's tolerance for alcohol had plummeted since the days when they used to do this on a regular basis.

When he found the right bill, he slapped it down on the counter, grabbed both of their coats and dragged him through the establishment and out into the cold, nearly throwing the confused man into the snow as he shrugged into his coat.

"You are almost 40, Kisame. Two years and you are a decade away from having half your life be nothing but memories." He said sharply, throwing the man's coat at his face with more force than necessary.

Kisame stumbled, but didn't fall, and then miraculously managed to maneuver himself into the piece of clothing.

"You have a choice now, do what you wish, and know in the end that you have no regrets, or spend the rest of your useless life wondering what could have been. Now  _call a damn cab_. I've had enough, I want to go home."

"Yeah... damn. You're right. God, I'm sorry man I don't know what got into me..." The man finally surrendered, pulling out his phone, dropping it, nearly falling over when he went to retrieve it, and then punching in a few numbers.

"Alchohol is what got into you, you drunken fool. You had better hope nothing happens to my car overnight or you'll be paying for it."

They stood shivering in silence as Kisame called the cab company, at least until his eyes stretched to saucers suddenly.

"SHIT!" He exclaimed, tossing the phone to Kakuzu as if it had burst into flames.

"What are you doing, you idiot!" Kakuzu bellowed, fumbling with the device before looking at the screen.

'Itachi- 00:06' it said, with the number slowly increasing each second.

The elder of the two glared up at Kisame, who only stared back in horror and apology.

He rolled his eyes as the young man's confused voice called for his friend through the speaker. Why were all his associates a bunch of brainless children?

"Hello? Kisa?"

"Hello again Mister Uchiha." He sighed into the phone.

"... Dr. Hoku?"

"Yes. I apologize, Kisame is... terribly drunk. He meant to call a cab, and somehow called you by mistake."

"...Oh... I see... is he alright?"

"He is, though I imagine he won't be in the morning."

"I see. Well, Doctor, I hate to tell you this but the taxi's do not run after midnight. ' _What the fuck does_ _ **he**_ _want?'_  Shh, I'm on the phone."

The doctors eyes narrowed at the sound of the second voice. That belonged to the insufferable brat, damn it all. Couldn't that idiot  _ever_  leave him alone? God, if he ended up having to look at his face tonight, he surely would break the damn thing. At the very least that would deter him from thinking of it all the time, the pale skin, the masculine but still gentle curve of his jawline... Damn, If the cabs didn't run after midnight, the Uchiha brat would surely offer to pick them up, and then there was no doubt in his mind that that idiot would follow...

His eyes narrowed, he could see where this was going. He would not take part in it, absolutely not.

"I think we'll take our chances."

"I would be happy to give him a ride, Doctor. Can you tell him that? And also that I apologize, he will know what it means."

"As do I, Uchiha. He's already slurred out an explanation for his behavior."

"I see... that's why he's drunk, isn't it?"

"He is drunk because he chose to be."

"Well even so, I can take him home, it's my fault. I'm sorry for this trouble. What is your address?"

Kakuzu was a bit slow to understand why the boy had asked him this, as his brain was drowned in beer and his body was frozen near solid. It had to be sub-zero temperatures out here.

Then he realized. Itachi must think they were at his residence. He's misunderstood the situation, thinking Kisame to have come to his place to engage in the drinking. Whether or not he realized Kakuzu wasn't sober, he didn't know. Though he'd like to keep it a secret, the only way to keep his blasted rambling mouth quiet of this fact was to simply hang up.

"You misunderstand. We are not at my house."

"Oh..." There was a silence on the other end as Kakuzu swayed in place through his violent shivers. "Doctor... are you drunk as well?" Itachi drawled. Kakuzu could practically  _hear_  the smile he was wearing, as well as the maniacal laughter in the background.

His temper flared, and he shot Kisame another death glare, who had fallen to the ground and now looked as if he were about to vomit. Damn, this boy  _was_ sharp, though it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out.

"It seems so. I apologize for the call in the middle of the night, Mister Uchiha. Goodbye."

"No wait! Doctor please, let me make this up to you and him alike. I'll come get you both, I won't speak a word, I promise."

"I don't think it's in his best interest-"

"Hidan won't be coming, Doctor." Itachi interrupted. "Only me. You have no reason to decline. ' _The fuck I'm not! I'm not missing that shit!'_ For God's sake, give me privacy you child!" There was a noise that sounded like a hard slap, and Hidan's muffled voice shouting out complaints. This brought a grin to his own face.

Well... as long as that moron wasn't going to tag along. Perhaps it would be alright. If the cab wouldn't come, there really was no other option. Kakuzu didn't have any other friends close enough to come pick them up at...

He looked at his watch.

2 a.m.! Fucking hell! What in the name of George Washington was that Uchiha still doing awake at this hour anyway?

"Very well. We're at Trophy's bar and grille."

"That's on Quarter street, correct? South of the Clinic?"

"Yes."

"Alright. Thank you Doctor. I'll be there momentarily."

Kakuzu grunted his goodbye and waited until the phone beeped to signal the end of the call, then looked calmly over toward his drunken friend.

"Kisame."

"Whah?"

"YOU'RE A BLOODY GODDAMNED IDIOT!" He chucked the phone at the man's chest as hard as he could as he yelled. The piece of plastic collided with him and he yelped, falling backward into the snow.

Kakuzu stomped over to him and leaned over the struggling man.

"Remind me to break your neck next time you speak to me about any more of your brilliant ideas!"

"What the hell did I do?" He cried out, scrambling up to his feet, gingerly rubbing his chest.

"You drunking fool, do you not remember throwing your phone to me two minutes ago in a panic!? You called that Uchiha boy instead of the cab company! Now  _he's_ coming instead, so get your pitiful ass together before you embarrass yourself and me any further!"

"Itachi's coming!? What the fuck did you agree to that for?"

"The taxi service closes at midnight."

"Is that what he told you?"

"Yes."

"THEN YOU'RE THE DUMBASS HERE! They run 24/7 from Friday to Sunday night for occasions just like this. There was a bill passed by the mayor three months ago!"

"HOW THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT!?"

"YOU READ THE FUCKING PAPER YOU CODGER!"

Kakuzu retracted his hand to swing a punch, but caught himself just before he did. Kisame's eyes had gone wide and he had his arms thrown across his head for protection.

He stopped to look at the man, lowering his arm and growling in frustration. This had never happened before, he'd been mad at Kisame, obviously. And since they'd first met the two acted like the brothers they were often mistaken for, throwing playful or half-strength punches at each other. And of course the occasional slap across the face to reign each other in, like earlier.

But just then he'd had the intent to actually injure the man. And Kisame even seemed to pick up on that, flinching away like he did.

Kisame Hoshigaki was no wuss. Kakuzu knew for a fact that the man made frequent trips to the gym during the winter, then in the nicer seasons he had dozens of athletic hobbies he busied himself with. Kakuzu himself had his own small workout room at home, being a doctor and knowing the dangers of a sedentary lifestyle. He was not nearly as toned physically as the younger man, but he was certainly stronger, and always had been. One perk to being tall and thick they way they both were, (though his oceanic friend was just a hair taller,) was the natural strength that came with it.

Though Kisame would live through it, he would never be victorious if Kakuzu came at him full-force, this was something they both knew without saying.

This was what irritated him the most. Why the hell would he get so angry with the man, especially over something so delinquent as having the Uchiha boy give them a ride home?

The only thing his drunken mind could decide is that it must obviously be the alcohol. Always the damn alcohol, making boys out of men since it's invention. Though he might admit something about the way Kisame had shouted right back at him so furiously had been what set him off the most. It reminded him of...

Of Hidan. That worthless little miscreant... always shouting and cursing for any reason his immature little mind could come up with..

Damn. Of all the times to be thinking of that little shit...

He sighed and closed his eyes tightly, dropping his head to massage his temples.

"Well, it is what it is now. At least in this state you'll be more likely to grow yourself a pair and actually be honest with the boy about the situation. It's not that hard to simply give him a yes or a no, I doubt he would suddenly just lose interest in your friendship. I know just from what little I've associated with him that he isn't anything if not loyal."

Kisame leaned back against the trunk of Kakuzu's car, hands in his pockets and eyes downcast. He sighed, slowly and deeply.

"I know that... but it won't be the same. I'd almost rather have him never talk to me again then have to sit there pretending like it never happened. It wouldn't be the same. It just sucks, you know, it's never going to be the same again..."

"Change is not always bad, Kisame. Usually, but not always."

"I guess so..." He trailed off, kicking at the snow. After awhile Kakuzu stepped over to lean against the vehicle beside him, too tired to have any other thought on his mind other than going home and falling into bed.

Kisame was absolutely right, they were getting too old for this shit.


	6. Chapter 6

It took Itachi awhile to finally reach the bar where Kisame and the Doctor were stranded. This was due to a number of things, the first of which being that he had to practically tie Hidan down to get the hyperactive man to stay put in the house.

Unfortunately, after their conversation about Kisame, his roommate had decided to mysteriously disappear. When Itachi searched his few belongings to find what little winter gear he had missing, and then looked out the window to see fresh footprints headed away from the complex, he'd reasoned with himself that for whatever reason their conversation had upset his friend. Hidan liked to physically express his anger and frustration, if that wasn't already glaringly obvious. But being cooped up in the house with Itachi, who was rather hard to win any sort of argument against, the albino had taken to going on jogs to relieve his own tension. Judging by the distance between the footprints, this is what he assumed the man to be doing.

Just to make absolute sure he'd sent the man a text instructing him to be careful and not to get lost forever in the snow. Hidan had replied with his usual  _"HahahahaGOFUCKYOURSELF."_ And so the Uchiha had not concerned himself with it any further.

After that he'd attempted to get a hold of his little brother. The mention of him in the conversation he had with his roommate had him suddenly wondering how the kid was doing, since he hadn't spoken to him since he'd had his early graduation of college.

But his sibling had apparently changed his number and neglected to tell him. This bothered him, but didn't at the same time. All of his family had packed up and moved soon after he'd been 'banished' by his father. Sasuke had begun pulling terrible grades, and after his parents found out about this and no doubt made him feel a worm for it, he'd started skipping out on school days completely, hanging out with a bad crowd, and all of it of course had been blamed solely on the older son. He had no doubt that they'd filled Sasuke's head with exaggerations and lies about him, given the things his own father had said.

_"You were the perfect son, Itachi, until you went and decided to queer yourself. You've shamed us all and ruined your brother."_

And people wondered why he'd taken an interest in psychology. Why pay for therapy when you could just practice it on yourself?

At a loss for anything else to do, he'd gone to the store to pick up a couple things to make for tomorrows meals. (Hidan was a picky eater on the occasions when he actually did eat. 'Picky' being a softer word than saying the man was a glutton for anything guaranteed to bring heart attacks and clogged arteries.) And just as he'd been walking out of the store the idiot had called him asking for a ride back to the apartment because he was 's-s-so cold he c-c-couldn't feel his f-f-fuckin' dick.'

When he finally made it home it was half past ten, and he'd started getting ready for bed when he heard the sound of glasses clinking against each other. He'd rushed into the livingroom to find Hidan, cheeks and nose still stained red from the cold and still shivering, pouring himself a shotglass of Parrot Bay*.

 _"What the_ _**hell** _ _are you doing!?" He yelled, storming over to yank the bottle away. "You can't have alcohol with all your medications you idiot, you'll destroy your liver and kill yourself!"_

_Hidan had only growled and snatched the bottle back, holding it against his chest protectively like a baby._

_"I'm not getting shitfaced! It's saturday fucking night, I can't get warm, and I haven't had one sip of alcohol in three months! I just want a little bit! Have a fucking heart Uchiha!"_

_"Hidan it's_ _**dangerous.** _ _You agree'd to giving up alcohol so you can keep up with your medication."_

_"I don't caaare. God Itachi, you're such bitch."_

_"Such bitch... Oh my God Hida, are you drunk right now!?"_

_Hidan shrugged and went to grab the shot glass Itachi snatched it first, rounded the counter and ripped the bottle from the pale hands._

_"What the hell is wrong with you!? I can't believe you'd do something so stupid! How much have you had!?" He shouted over his roommates protests, yanking open the door to the balcony and throwing both items as far as he could. The sound of glass shattering sent his friend into a frenzy._

_"YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" He roared running out as if to chase after it. Itachi grabbed him by the back of his shirt and heaved, dragging his stumbling friend back into the apartment and sending him toppling to the floor._

_"I could_ _**strangle** _ _you sometimes you know!?" He shouted as Hidan jumped to his feet, teeth bared like an animal._

_"Well maybe you should just let me fucking die then you fucking Nazi! What fucking good am I anyway?"_

_"What the hell are you talking about? Where is this coming from!?"_

_"You! You and your stupid hissy fit earlier! 'Oh Hidaaan, Kisame won't talk to me! I'm gonna be alone the rest of my life! I fucked up my relationship what am I gonna do!?'"_

_"I_ _**never** _ _said any of that!"_

_"You didn't have to! I'm not fucking stupid I can read between the lines."_

_Itachi clenched his fists and grit his teeth, trying to contain his anger with deep breaths in through his nose, and out his mouth._

_Calm down, Itachi. Hidan is drunk, his prescriptions are making him delirious, his brain isn't functioning properly..._

_"Hidan, why did you drink?"_

_"I already told you you fucking dumbass."_

_"Fine it's my fault. But why would my problems make you feel the need to do that?"_

_"Because they're fuckin' stupid!"_

_"Everyone has issues with one thing or the other. There's no scale."_

_"Yes there is! If there wasn't then I wouldn't be crazy!"_

_"YOU'RE NOT CRAZY!" Itachi shouted back suddenly, making the albino stumble backward again. The Uchiha dropped to his knees to sit in front of the man, grabbing his stunned face with both hands._

_"Hidan you are_ _**not** _ _crazy. You have to realize that this isn't you talking right now. These are your demons, fight through them Hida. Come back to me. I can't help you when you're belligerent like this."_

_The pale man slapped away his hands and scooted backward. "Stop using your fucking mind tricks on me! I'm not one of your goddamn playthings, bastard."_

_Itachi sighed heavily, staring sadly into his dear friends's pigment-free eyes. "Please Hidan. Just tell me how much you had and I'll leave you alone. You could be in danger."_

_"Maybe I want to be in danger."_

_"Oh yes, you certainly want to die don't you? That's why you're here with me and not six feet under. Stop being dramatic and tell me!"_

_"I'm not being dramatic! I'm trying to fucking talk to you! If you'd stop being all bitchy and screeching at me for a damn second!"_

_Itachi stared at him for a moment, then quickly rearranged himself so he was sitting with his legs crossed, elbows perched on his knees, chin propped up by his fists. "Okay, good! That's fine too. Talk to me. Why did you do this?"_

_Hidan looked back him reluctantly, still half-way sprawled on the floor._

_"I felt... bad."_

_"Why did you feel bad?"_

_Hidan ran a hand through his hair and assumed the same position, eyes cast into the carpet as he tried to sort his thoughts._

_"I don't know... we were talking about the old days. And I started missing them, you know. Back in highschool, us four friends, it was the best time of my life. I actually felt happy, you know, wanted, like I really did matter..."_

_Itachi listened carefully, not just to his words but to his voice. The albino wasn't slurring, and seemed perfectly coherent._

_His brows furrowed just a bit in irritation, though it came off just as concern. The Uchiha had the sneaking suspicion Hidan was still sober, making Itachi think he was drunk just as an excuse to sit down and talk out his feelings._

_Damn that idiot, he was so afraid of admitting weakness in himself that he had to piss everyone off and make the situation worse, pretend he was inebriated, just to be reminded that at least one person in this world still cared for him._

_Itachi withheld a sigh... the poor, confused man._

_"It was too fucking cold to run more than a few blocks, so I stopped in over at the library, and for some reason I got this idea to look up Nagato and Yahiko and see how they were doing. All I had to do was tell the librarian that I was close friends with you and she let me on the computers without one of those dumb cards. Everyone still fuckin' knows the Uchiha name, it's ridiculous."_

_He paused for a moment, and Itachi swallowed heavily, heart sinking a little as he slowly caught on to where this was headed. He had kept up with his other highschool buds throughout the years, though as each month passed they'd grown more and more distant, pulled away by the ever-increasing demands of their lifestyle. The two brothers had become inventors towards technologically advanced items aimed toward causing peace instead of aiding war and just helping the human race in general._

_"They're both Co-CEO's 'Tachi! You know that company that develops modifications for weapons that automates them so they won't injure enough to cause death? Yeah, they OWN that shit. They pretty much invented virtual reality, and they fucking design robotic prosthetics too! They're both fucking rich geniuses, both married and have kids. They're only a year older than me!"_

_"Hidan you can't compare-"_

_"And you. Look at you. Went to college, got a degree. Got this kickass bachelor pad, a job helping people cope with their shit problems that probably don't even amount to shit against your own. You're like a goddamn saint! And now you're even gonna fuckin' fall in love with that scarred-up mer-man, and where the fuck am I?"_

_"Hida..."_

_"I'm still so fucking young Itachi, but I feel so goddamn old... I know there's time to do shit with my life but I don't know what to do. . I'm not_ _**good** _ _at anything. Everytime I make a step toward getting rid of this shit in my head, it tricks me into fucking it up. Every day feels like a fucking year, Just getting through one is all I can do just to function like a normal person and I couldn't even do that if you and Dr. Satan weren't helping me. I've only been here 22 years but God... I feel like there's nothing left..."_

_Itachi didn't attempt to speak this time until a few seconds had passed without the pale man starting up again. When he only continued to stare distantly at the carpet the younger roommate reached out to lay a hand on Hidan's knee._

_"They're_ _**lies** _ _Hidan. You_ _**are** _ _still young, you have so much time to figure this out. And don't worry about what other people are doing with their lives. The ones that really matter will always be a part of yours, and that's all you need to worry about, your own life."_

_Hidan looked at him, features unreadable. "That weird dude you make me go see with the pineapple hair told me me that the thing with dementia and depression is that they both take very small truths about ourselves that we don't like and magnify them in our minds."_

_"That's correct.."_

_"So that means they're_ _**not** _ _lies, 'Tachi. That means I really_ _**am** _ _fucked to eternity. There's no hope for my stupid ass..."_

_"No, Hidan, you held onto the wrong part of what Dr. Nara was explaining to you. The fact of the matter is that yes, there is very little truth in these thoughts you bog yourself down with, but that's the whole thing of it. They're just insignificant little details about who you are. Some of them aren't even negative, you've only tricked yourself into believing them as such. No one is perfect, each and every person on this earth has those little ugly truths, you simply can't let yourself focus on them so much." He paused for a second to study the pale man as he seemed to consider all this. "But I'm impressed with you for actually paying attention to him. That shows improvement! You wouldn't even look at him before!"_

_"Tch... I still think they should just let you be my fucking shrink. He tries to be all fucking philosophical and mysterious and shit, pisses me off."_

_"You know why they can't allow that."_

_"Yeah, yeah, cause we live together. I still don't fucking understand how that makes sense. You actually know me, you explain shit in actual words I can understand."_

_"There are a lot of legalities and different ways of considering it. I agree with you, personally. But it's not as if I can argue, they pay my bills, after all."_

_Hidan was silent now, and Itachi stood back up to his feet. He held out a hand to help up his friend, who actually accepted the help._

_Itachi was rather troubled by something though, Hidan often had little episodes like this that Itachi had to help him through, but this was the first time since he'd been here that he'd tried to do anything so drastic as get himself drunk without a the slightest hint to the Uchiha that he was feeling the way he was. As much as he resisted, Itachi believed wholeheartedly that the man wanted to help himself out of this, and on most occasions he at least gave warning when he was feeling low._

_The episode on friday and now this one had come out of the blue, and happened so close to each other... it was concerning. Maybe this job was a little too much for him to handle._

_"It_ _**is** _ _true though..." Hidan said softly, breaking him from his thoughts. "What's there to look forward to? I mean... this shit ain't ever going away. Even if I manage it for the rest of my life, even if I hold down a job, what else is there?"_

_Coal-esque eyes studied him sadly. He was right, undeniably. But wrong at the same time._

_"There's plenty else Hida. You're only limited to what you limit yourself to."_

_"See, that dumb fucker says that all the time too! What the fucking hell does that even mean!?" Hidan snorted back, bringing a smile to his roommates lips._

_At least he was feeling better._

_"You know what I think you need, Mister San? Some hobbies. You say you're not good at anything but you've never really tried anything but partying. You don't just magically figure out your talents, you have to explore and see what you enjoy doing."_

_Hidan's_ _face contorted in disgust at this. "Oh God. If you ever call me that again I'll have to kill you."_

_"I'll make a note of that." He laughed in reply. "But I wouldn't go around saying that to those with looser lips, they might mark you down as homicidal." He gave Hidan a pat on the shoulder and turned to make his way back to the bathroom to continue what he was doing previously._

_Good God that man was exhausting._

_"Itachi."_

_"Hn?"_

_"I didn't actually drink any of that stuff..."_

_"I know."_

_"I just found the bottle in a dumpster and washed it out and filled it with water to piss you off."_

_Itachi stopped to poke his head out of the bathroom, finding his roommate barely concealing laughter behind a huge grin. He almost got upset again, but then let it go. Just like every other stupid thing the albino did, it had just been some ridiculous means to solve a problem. In this case, getting Itachi to sit and talk seriously with him. God forbid the man-child ever just state out loud that he wants to talk out his feelings._

_"You... are absolutely ridiculous." He sighed, then returning to his task._

_Hidan only laughed in response._

That fiasco had pretty well drained the poor Uchiha completely, and by the time he finally lay down in bed, it was midnight, and he found that he wasn't tired, despite all that had gone on today. (Which actually wasn't all that much when you thought about it.)

As a therapist, he liked to practice his own preachings, and something that he often explained to his clients who had trouble sleeping is that the common theory most people had about staying in bed even if you couldn't sleep, was false. Some people liked to read, other's liked to watch T.v. until they were tired, but he knew that these things actually hindered the process. They key to falling asleep easily is to program your brain to realize that bed equals sleep. Not reading or television or whatever manner of time-passing.

And with this being the case, he threw off the sheets after half an hour of simply laying there staring at the ceiling, and made his way silently back to the living room.

He was graced immediately with the smell of coffee, which elicited an eye-roll from him as he emerged into the room to find his roommate snuggled up in a blanket, watching some zombie flick and sipping on a mug of coffee as if nothing at all of interest had just happened.

"Oh Hidan..." he sighed softly, so the albino would not hear him. For as much heartache as he had, and as hopeless as his world seemed to him, he could bounce back from anything.

He snuck past him to grab a book from the bookcase, and tiptoed up behind his roommate, making a face as he watched a fat man have his intestines ripped from his body by a group of reanimated, rotting, corpses.

His nose crinkled in disgust, and he turned his attention instead down to watch Hidan take a big gulp from his mug.

"You shouldn't be drinking coffee in the middle of night." He finally said, though only the first few words were heard by the blanket-swaddled man in front of him, seeing as he jumped terribly with a dog-like yelp, successfully throwing the hot beverage all over himself and then shouting out a string of swears from the pain of that.

Itachi didn't even try to resist his laughter.

After he was thoroughly chided for his little prank he settled himself down on the second loveseat and read his book in silence. It wasn't until his phone suddenly rang, (which provoked another hilarious reaction from Hidan, who then ran to the bathroom for fear of 'pissing himself'.) that he realized it was now just short of 2 in the morning. He almost got upset at this, however, when his eyes alighted on the caller I.D. his heart gave a hopeful leap and his body joined in by jumping up from his seat as he quickly flipped the phone open.

"Kisame!?" He said excitedly, only to hear someone shout a swear, some crackling, and then a deeper voice hollering in return.

"Are you there?" He said, making a face as he called into the phone.

Still silence. "Hello? Kisa?"

"False alarm..." Hidan said, sauntering back into the room, pausing when he noticed Itachi on the phone. "Who the fuck's calling you this late?" He mumbled, heading back to where he'd been sitting.

"...Dr. Hoku?" Itachi questioned into the receiver.

Hidan suddenly scrambled over to him at this, nearly climbing on top of him to hear the conversation.

"Oh... I see. Is he alright?" Itachi questioned, pushing Hidan away. The albino's face screwed up in confusion when his roommate turned to him with a devious smile, putting his fingers to his lips, instructing silence. "I see. Well, Doctor, I hate to tell you this but the taxi's do not run after midnight."

"What the fuck does  _he_  want!?" Hidan finally blurted.

"Shh. I'm on the phone." Itachi snapped back, still wearing a smile. This was perfect, he thought, perhaps a little bit late, but a perfect opportunity to do some meddling none-the-less. He could tell the Doctor was drunk, only for the fact that he'd just said two words that Kisame had informed him in one of his tangents were never,  _ever,_  said by a sober Kakuzu Hoku. If he and Kisame were both inebriated and needing a ride... well... he certainly couldn't just let them call a cab when he had a perfectly working car, and, by sheer coincidence, happened to be up late.

Nope, this chance certainly couldn't be passed by.

The second obstacle Itachi had to overcome after literally locking Hidan in his temporary bedroom was trying to drive in the terrible weather conditions. The snow had started falling very lightly at first when he went out to let his car warm up and scrape the ice that had built up over the hours off his windshield. By the time he snuck back inside to remove the chair from the door Hidan was stuck behind, and went back outside, it was falling so heavily that it was almost like a fog, blocking his view of the road in front of him past 10 feet beyond the edge of the vehicle.

He hadn't really planned on this happening, but it didn't deter his plans at all. In fact it aided them all the more. Hidan needed hobbies, and though he hadn't said it out loud, was somewhat lonley in the romantic sense. Being the complex individual that he was, and knowing him the way Itachi did, he was well aware, even if Hidan, himself, wasn't, of the fact that he had a child-like sort of affection for his boss.

The two  _did_  work together, and thusly would be spending vast amounts of time together. Really, Itachi didn't think much meddling was needed, but judging by the two men's personalities and their tendencies to deny themselves things they were embarrassed for wanting, at least a small bid of meddling was called for.

It would require slightly drastic measures, but this phone call was a sign he simply could not ignore.

When he finally, finally pulled into the parking lot, he spotted Kisame's car right away, and right next to it, leaning against what he assumed to be the Doctors car, were the two snow-covered older men.

He rolled his eyes as he pulled up next to them and leaned over to open the passenger door. Why the hell had they waited out in the cold?

 

* * *

 

Kakuzu saw the car pull in, feeling his gut clench in reluctance.

He really,  _really_  did not want to have to get in that car and sit there awkwardly while the two 'love-birds' had their little chat.

Damn this entire night...

"That's him..." Kisame sighed, looking like a scared little kid as he shivered in his puffy black coat.

"Good. We're five minutes away from Hypothermia and Pneumonia..."

"You know it's weird. I'm shivering my ass off over here but I'm not really cold."

"That would be the hypothermia you dult."

"Oh... I thought it was the beer."

"Probably a mixture of both. " He said, sighing as well. "Please don't start blubbering at him when we get in that car, Kisame. This is painful enough without your drunken idiocy."

"Nahhh, I feel fine. Numb, but I'm good. Thanks for setting me straight man."

"Shut up and get in the car..." He growled as their ride pulled up next to them and opened the door. Kisame of course got in the front passenger seat, and Kakuzu got in the back after hesitating to consider just walking his ass home.

No, enduring this would be far better than dealing with whatever hangover he would have in the morning as well as a raging cold or whatever else in life this bad luck streak would send his way.

"Why on earth were you waiting out in the snow? You'll both catch your death in this weather." The Uchiha said immediately.

"It was better than inhaling the pure carbon monoxide that the air inside that place has been reduced to." Kakuzu growled when his friend only shrugged.

"That's true. I'll never understand what the appeal of those places are. Not meaning to degrade either of you, of course. Just my opinion."

"That's very well and good, can we get this over with?" He ground out again as the vehicle pulled slowly back out onto the street.

"Absolutely. I do still need your address though, Doctor."

He grit his teeth at this. It was a reasonable question, as well as necessary, but he didn't like giving his address out freely to anyone not close to him. It's not as if it were so hard to find out where he lived in such a moderately small town, but still. Call it a pet peeve, if you will...

"On the corner of 13th and Glenn.." He said slowly.

"Oh wow. I'm glad you let me take you then, would've been quite a trek in such cold."

"Itachi... you know the taxi service is open all night on weekends." Kisame suddenly spoke up.

"Is it really?" The Uchiha questioned, just a bit too dramatically for Kakuzu's liking... He narrowed his eyes in suspicion, but then shook his head, and pushed it from his mind. The boy probably just wanted some excuse to talk to Kisame.

"Yeah, remember, I had the day off a few months back when they had the conference to pass the bill. I visited you at work."

"Oh... I must've not paid attention..."

And then it came, the heavy awkward silence. Kakuzu continued to grind his teeth, arms crossed tightly in the back seat as he stared out the window. They couldn't be going more than 10 mph, and though the Uchiha was perfectly right to do so, he couldn't help but be pissed off by this. Damn weather... Damn alcohol...

Damn  _everything._

"Uh... I'm sorry for ignoring you all day." Kisame finally said, making the older man whoosh out a breath in relief. The man's inane tendency to babble when he was nervous was much preferred to the blasted silence.

"That's okay, Kisame. I understand. I should be the one apologizing, I had no right-"

"It's okay. I think we should maybe wait until poor Kakuzu gets home before we start talking about it... I already ruined his night."

"First intelligent thing you've said all evening." He mumbled from the back seat.

Itachi let out a chuckle at this. "Yes, Doctor. You've had a poor time these last couple days haven't you?"

"You have no idea..."

"Well if Kisame hasn't already I want to thank you for putting up with it. Our personal problems are not yours, and I know from experience how exhausting Hidan can be. You're a good man, Dr. Hoku, for doing what you've done."

This caught the eldest of the three completely by surprise. Kisame too, seemed to be a little shocked at the statement.

Not in his life had he ever received such a compliment. Only ever insults to his personality, or jokes about his age or his love of cold, hard, cash and abhorrence of anything else.

That being the case, he really didn't know what to come back at the boy him with. "I appreciate the gesture..." his voice said without his approval. He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat, not noticing Itachi giving him a mischievous grin in the rearview mirror.

"I don't do it out of kindness. Only because I'm faced with no other choice."

"Oh, you always have a choice, Doctor. Don't sell yourself short. You have the rare ability to think things through before acting. You don't find that too often anymore."

Kakuzu snorted. "If this is some attempt at flattery, boy, you're wasting your time."

"Not at all. I was only trying to give credit where it is due. I've nothing to gain with flattery."

Kakuzu growled low in his throat and shifted back to continue surveying the world outside his window. The snow was falling ridiculously heavy now. Not in a gusting, miserable way, but just falling down heavily in large flakes, coating the snow already on the ground, as well as the road, with a fresh new layer. It would be rather peaceful, and he might have enjoyed the scene, had he not been forced into this uncomfortable situation.

Surely things couldn't get much worse...

There was another long silence, though this one not so heavy and awkward. And he was distressed to find that it was suddenly difficult to keep his eyes open, now that the cold had sobered him somewhat and the heat of the vehicle had seeped past his layers of clothing and settled into him. It certainly didn't help that it was so incredibly late.

"Itachi, I think you're in the middle of the road..." Kisame slurred, obviously feeling the same effects. The older man blinked out of his near-slumber to shift his attention to the front of the car. The snow was practically  _pouring._

"I can't see where the damn lines are..." The youngest mumbled back, leaning forward in his seat.

"You're definitely in the middle of the road. That trucks headed straight for us."

The younger man started to turn the wheel, when suddenly the front of the car hit something solid with a loud crack and bounced.

" _Shit_." The Uchiha snarled, and Kakuzu's stomach tightened yet again as he watched, nearly in slow motion, the man jerk the wheel back into the other lane much too hastily in his attempt to regain control.

Kisame let out a gasp and reached for the wheel to straighten it out as the car lurched to the left, and started into a slide. "DON'T SLAM THE BRAKES YOU'LL JUST-"

The backside of the vehicle suddenly swung, and the two men up front simultaneously cursed out loud as it slid at an angle perpendicular to the road. It came to a jolting stop that would have knocked all three of them out of their seats had they not all braced themselves as it slammed into a snowback on the opposite side of the road.

The three men sat in stunned silence before Itachi leaned his head forward onto the steering wheel, sighing deeply.

"What the hell!?" Kisame said, "Dude you had plenty of time to go back to the other lane, why'd you gun it like that?"

"I tried to do that, did you not  _feel_  the giant chunk of ice we ran over? It made me overcorrect."

"There was  _so_  not any ice, I saw the whole thing."

"Then what the hell did we hit!?"

"I don't know but I'm not so drunk that I can't fucking-"

"Would you  _please_... hush for a moment." Itachi growled at first, then saying the last much more gently. He moved the gear-shifter into reverse and attempted to back out of the spot they were lodged in. The tires spun in place, there was a clacking sound coming from the tire in front of Kisame, and the car didn't move.

Kakuzu was in the back seat, covering his face with a hand and shaking his head. He was so furious that he couldn't even be mad. In fact he was trying desperately to hold back a chuckle of insanity.

The car still didn't move, unsurprisingly, no matter how hard the Uchiha up front stomped on the pedal and growled under his breath.

"This is why front-wheel drive is pointless..." Kisame said, opening his door and moving to assess the damage.

Itachi sat in silence behind the wheel, gripping it tightly but letting his head fall forward onto the steering wheel, ebony hair falling to cover his face.

"This is humiliating... I'm sorry Doctor, I'm so embarrassed." Itachi mumbled,

"You should be." Kakuzu growled, quickly making his escape from the vehicle as well.

This was ridiculous, this was beyond ridiculous. There was no possible way this scenario had just happened. Bad luck, he could believe, he probably  _did_  have some nasty karma built up...

But  _this_?  _REALLY_?

He trudged through the thick snow buildup on the side of the road to stand next to his friend, studying the front of the car with one hand on this chin and the other wrapped around himself.

"I don't think it's gonna come outta there. Look at all the ice under the snow. We'll never get enough traction."

The elder man looked at the areas his friend pointed to, then out to the road. At the very least they appeared to be against the curb, though the back end of the vehicle was slightly in the way of other drivers.

"Just have him put his hazard lights on, surely someone will come along with means to help us out." He finally replied, as Itachi finally opened his own door and stepped halfway out.

"I dunno, it's almost three in the morning, only people out this late are gonna be truckers or other people like us. Not disagreeing, just saying it probably won't help."

"Please tell me there's hope..." Itachi said then, wrapping his trenchcoat-like jacket tight around his lean figure and struggling through the snow. Kakuzu irritated himself further by laughing inwardly as how pitifully homosexual this man was. Kisame was a damned fool to not predict the Uchiha developing affections for him. It's not as if he were some grotesque monster like he seemed to imply he believed. Aside from the scarring, Kakuzu thought him to be rather attractive, but more in a way a sibling would think so of another. And hell, a lot of women found his scars sexy, made the man seem dangerous and wild, though he really couldn't be more the opposite as far as his personality went.

"I don't think so.." The man replied, sighing and running a hand slowly through his hair, nearly white with the snow piled on it.

The youngest sighed out a curse and kicked feebly at the snow. "Well... I suppose we can call a cab again, since they're running after all..." He said, looking around for a street sign. "We're still on Quarter... is that Jefferson up ahead, or Madison?"

"It's Court." Kakuzu growled, crouching down to glance at the undercarriage. "We passed Madison awhile ago." Luckily  _someone_  had been paying attention to where they were. He could barely see six feet in front of him with the curtain of snow. "Your tire is bowed to the inside, you should hope you haven't broken the axle." He said, straightening back up. "Even if we could get it out, it wouldn't drive. You have a hefty mechanic bill in your future, Mister Uchiha."

"I imagine it was that ice we ran over..." Itachi sighed, ignoring the comment about money. "Well, no use waiting out in the cold. I'll call you both a cab, my apartment is only a few blocks, I'll walk home after you're on your way. I can't apologize enough, I've fouled up again."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. He was damn sure right about that. Why did he keep getting dragged into situations like this because of these two?

"Don't.. don't be so hard on yourself. It's not like you purposely did it." Kisame said somewhat awkwardly, then turned to Kakuzu. "You want to wait here in the car? If his apartment isn't that far we could just wait for the taxi th-"

"Absolutely not." Kakuzu interrupted, making Kisame's eyes widen in surprise.

"Oh.. right... your favorite person is there..." He chuckled after recovering. "Nevermind."

Itachi looked back and forth between the two, brow creased in concern, before he pulled out his phone and turned away without another word to call the cab.

Kakuzu watched for a moment until letting out a small growl and moving out to the back of the car to lean against the trunk. The snow was much shallower here.

He inhaled a deep breath of the freezing air and let it out slowly, watching the white fog escape him, then unfocusing his gaze to watch the large flakes fall gently to the ground, shimmering in the halogen lights of the streetlamps.

A presence came and leaned next to him, and though he didn't look, he knew it was Kisame, as he could hear the Uchiha's soft voice speaking to someone over the phone behind him.

"At least this sobered us up. You know we could probably just go back and get our own cars..."

"No..." Kakuzu said, eerily calm now, crossing his arms across his chest. Really, what was the point of being furious anymore? No one seemed inclined to listen to him anyway. All he wanted to do was go collapse into bed, he'd do whatever he had to until then, as long as it didn't involve interacting with that idiot. Not as long as there were alternatives.

"The alcohol is still in your system, whether you feel it's effects or not. I'll not be bailing you out of jail for a DUI."

His friend laughed lightly at this. "That would be our luck too, neh?"

He paused, and both men sat in silence, staring out at the serene snowfall while Itachi's slightly muffled voice continued to chat with someone in the background.

"Kakuzu..." Kisame suddenly said in a thoughtful tone that made the elder man decided right away that the question that followed next would be one that he wouldn't like.

"You're straight... aren't you?"

He turned to regard his slightly taller companion in disapproval and minor surprise. "What the hell would you ask a fool question like that for?"

Kisame shrugged, seeming entertained by some joke the Doctor hadn't caught. "I was thinking, you know, you're so cool with my situation... most people aren't like that, especially old codgers like you." He laughed to signal his teasing intent. "I've never seen you with a chick... I can remember one party we both went to and you left with some girl, but I never heard you say anything about what happened after that... but you know I've never seen you even glance at a guy  _like that_ either. You're my oldest friend, So I'm just curious. It's weird that I wouldn't be able to recall a fact like that..."

"I'm not going to discuss my sex life with you, Kisame. Perhaps you're comfortable with such behavior, but I find it deplorable to shout such things to the world." He replied back resolutely

Kisame turned now, his grin even bigger. "You're not shouting it to the world. It's just a quick yes or no. Seriously, you're gonna blow my mind if you keep dodging the question, 'cause that could only mean-"

He was cut off when Kakuzu turned to him with a glare so dark, the man would have burst into flames if such a thing were possible.

It did no good though, Kakuzu Hoku was no liar, especially to his only real friend. It didn't matter how asinine he thought the question, aside from outright lying there was no way to guide the man's suspicions toward any other conclusion.

Kisame eyes widened, and he slowly turned back to face the street. "I don't know life anymore..." He mumbled.

Kakuzu scoffed, repeating the action. "Don't be immature. I don't prefer one or the other."

"How is that any better!?" Kisame half-shouted, whirling back to face him.

"Shut  _up_  you imbecile. What I mean, is that I don't take part in that sort of animalistic lifestyle. It's as you've said, you've never seen me with either."

Kisame stared for awhile, thinking over this, and then turned once again, only to twist right back to him. His sudden pep and interest in this bringing Kakuzu's anger back to a simmer.

"Wait, so you're a fucking virgin then!? Are you kidding me!?"

"No I am not." He said sharply, closing his eyes tightly in irritation "I've  _done_  it before, just not for years. I've been a bit preoccupied with running the clinic. And as you've stated thousands of times, I'm apparently an ass. No one bothers with it, and neither do I."

"Oh my God..." The taller man said, face going slack in wonder. "That makes  _sooo_ much sense..."

"What the hell are you on about now?"

"No wonder you're such an asshole! Dude! You seriously haven't been laid in fucking years!? Are you even human!?"

Kakuzu whirled to set his friend straight on the matter, but Itachi had finally finished his phone call and came crunching over to the two.

"Well I have more bad news..." He said, not noticing the continued glare Kakuzu shot toward Kisame. Nor the awkward grin the second wore as he tried to appear neutral.

"They'll get a car to us as soon as possible, but it appears they only have two functioning taxis at the moment, and a queue of clients to pick up, being Saturday night. And since all the bar's close at two, everyone's calling all at once. Accompany that with the driving conditions the way they are... they said it could take a few hours before they can reach us..."

"Of course." Kakuzu growled. "Why would I expect anything else! I could walk home by then!"

"Dr. Hoku, surely you wouldn't risk such a thing. It's ten-below."

"Well what do you suggest? It'll be daylight before we'll even have the  _chance_  to get home."

"I'm aware, Doctor. Again I offer my apologies, I'm trying to fix the mess I've made but I have no control-"

"Don't come at me with that, boy." He sighed. If he'd not come on this outing in the first place, none of this nonsense would have occurred. It was no one's fault but his own. Though he'd never admit it out loud, he would be an idiot to deny it, but that certainly didn't mean he needed the Uchiha's crafty sense of guilt-tripping either.

"Well, Kakuzu, old buddy." Kisame said all-too-cheerfully, clapping the man on the back. "I don't know about you but I'm not standing out here for two hours. Me and that kid you hate get along just fine, so I think Itachi and I will go wait at his place."

"What? Kisame if he doesn't want to-"

"C'mon. Kakuzu, you can sit in the car, I guess, but none for me, thank you. I'm not sitting in that tiny thing all night."

"So I have to call that blasted company back and have them send  _two_  cars?" Itachi said incredulously. "That will take even longer!"

"Well I'm not staying here. I've had enough surprises for one day, and I'm beat. I'm going to your place, I'll hang out with the crazy kid."

"You most certainly will not!"

"Why not?"

"Well, not alone at least?"

"Oh what's he gonna do?  _Cuss_  me to death?"

Kakuzu sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose while the two bickered like a married couple.

It really did seem like his only options here were to walk home or walk to the Uchiha's residence.

The determining question here was; Would he rather spend a few hours with his most hated employee, or possibly catch pneumonia and risk possible death, or at the very least, hospital bills.

The bills really were the game-changer. He was in the business, and though he didn't keep anyone in his clinic like an actual hospital, he knew damn well that they would bleed you for every penny they could get, Doctor or not.

Damn. Damn, damn,  _damn_.

Deal with Hidan for 2 hours and save money, or relinquish it and suffer through probable illness and hospitalizations, which of course would mean missing work and that would just give the idiot a payday for sitting at home on his ass.

Hidan or money... Fuck, there really could not be a more difficult question...

"Will you two shut up?" He snapped. His companions did as such, both of them turning to him expectantly.

"We'll go to your home, Mister Uchiha."

"Dr. Hoku I must inform you that Hidan is most likely still awake-"

"I have no problem with that. For you to suggest that I can't stand the sight of him would mean I care enough about him to put forth the effort to hate him. And that is incorrect. I'll not stand out here and freeze to death on any occasion, especially all because of some self-persona nonsense." He said, shooting an accusing glance at Kisame at the last.

Without waiting for a reply, he whirled around and started off. He still remembered where the boy lived, anyone would after having to drive around aimlessly until Hidan recognized the neighborhood because he forgot the actual address of the place he'd been staying for months.

The sound of the snow crunching behind him alerted him that he was being followed by at least one person. And after a few moments he heard the sound of someone running to catch up, and grit his teeth.

_Just a few hours..._

He could do that, after all it was only a matter of time until monday would come and he would have to be around the brat constantly for five days straight. He could just consider this training.

When he did die, at least he knew what awaited him in hell...


	7. Chapter 7

Hidan lay sprawled across the length of the loveseat, his bare feet hanging off the end of one armrest, with his face buried in the crease of the other.

He'd been laying here for what felt like hours, and found himself strangely tired. He'd already fallen off the couch once from jerking back awake after he'd balanced on the line between conscious and not. And when it happened the second time he'd run to the bathroom to take a cold shower to wake himself up.

Hidan never really could explain his aversion to sleeping out loud. Most of the therapists and people who inquired about it liked to think that he actually  _tried_  to sleep, and simply couldn't.

While this was true to an extent, there was also true that on occasion, he purposely stayed awake.

Most people dealing with mental illnesses were at either one extreme or the other, they either couldn't sleep or couldn't stop. But the zealot liked to consider himself somewhere in the middle.

See, he hated sleeping for many reasons. The first being how much time it wasted, though he had no more backing for that excuse on the grounds that he always wasted time anyway, and really it was just a cover for the truth, which he didn't care to explain people.

The second reason was a much more personal one.

It would make sense that growing up the way he did, constantly moving from place to place, never having any sort of stability or constant family figures, one would get used to falling asleep alone, or at the very least it wouldn't bother them so much. In fact it would stand to reason that they'd grow accustomed to it, and have more trouble sleeping  _with_  someone else present.

But not Hidan. He didn't see it that way at all. Instead of just getting used to sleeping alone, he'd simply trained himself to go without sleep for long periods. Since he was a child, since his first night in a foster home, when they gave him nothing more than a pillow with hardly any padding and a rag of a blanket to cuddle up with, he'd decided that sleep was unnecessary anyway. It was just like hunger, just like the demons in his head, all he had to do was trick his mind into thinking it was a reality, and he didn't need it.

He lifted his head from it's position, glancing at the clock before letting it slap back down to the cushion, silver-white hair falling forward to dangle over and tickle his ears.

He didn't like  _being_  alone either.

Of course, just like anyone, he had his moments where he simply wanted some privacy, but most times it didn't last long. It didn't matter if no one was physically in the room with him or not, just so long as he knew they were in the same general location.

His borderline fear of sleep didn't follow the same guidelines, and this was because you could never be sure what was going on in the real world while you're off in lala-land.

It wasn't even the actual action of sleeping that frightened him. It was  _waking up_ that did the most damage. For someone like Hidan, most people would expect nightmares and terrors to be a common thing for him. But honestly, it was the opposite. He had wonderful dreams, happy dreams, dreams where he could do and have anything and anyone he wanted. Love, possessions, money, superpowers,  _sanity_ , all his for the taking.

And then in a second it was gone and he was cast back into his desolate, lonely, lifestyle, stripped of control and happiness as if he were some doll with his life run by a cruel, angry child.

He liked to think anyone would do what he did, if in his shoes... What good was a healthy body when your mind was broken anyway?

He'd fallen asleep yesterday at the table, strangely enough. Passed out right there on a pile of papers and folders that reeked of the sanitizer Kakuzu used everywhere in the clinic. He hadn't thought much of that, since he hadn't slept for 53 hours (just over 2 days) previous to that occasion.

And with that being so, he shouldn't be so tired already. Hell, he'd already had a whole pitcher of coffee, and even now the house smelled of a fresh batch.

He was though, his head ached and his throat was sore (another reason for having so much of the hot beverage), and it was all he could do to keep his eyes open.

Maybe he'd been spending just a little bit too much time out in the sub-zero weather... the symptoms were pointing toward a cold.

Jesus, he hadn't had a cold in years. It was one fact that he really never understood about himself, he had one hell of an immune system. Especially considering he couldn't stand the taste or smell of anything citrusey, which is what normally contained Vitamin C, and coupled with the fact at how badly he took care of himself, well, it was a mystery. Just another strange thing that happened to him that he'd never really questioned. Really, why would anyone complain about rarely getting sick?

The thing that pissed him off the most, of course, is that when he  _did_  get sick, it lasted foreevveerr. And that meant he was going to have to go to his new bullshit job with a new bullshit cold and his bullshit boss would give him bullshit for it.

But, he had at least a little bit of ammunition up his sleeve. Itachi had had to go get that drunk geezers ass, and he knew without a doubt that the miser was most likely humiliated about it. And if he wasn't, then Hidan would just keep rubbing it in until he was.

And that was why he at least had to wait for Itachi to come back,  _if_  he came back, that is. He wanted to hear about what had happened, whether it was interesting or not, he wanted every detail.

But, with the smile his roommate had been wearing, he had a feeling he'd probably invite himself in his man-toy's house when he dropped him off, if not just to clear the air between them then probably to try and get the poor, drunken, bastard to screw him.

Really, for as dignified as Itachi came off, he was a little damned weasel when it came to getting what he wanted.

Again he lifted his head, setting weary eyes on the clock.

It had only been five minutes since he last checked.

"GODDAMMIT! Fuck you, time!" He shouted to the empty room as he heaved himself off the piece of furniture.

He sniffed once as he stalked over to the coffee pot, letting out a bubbling sound as it finished up its brew. After this he sniffed again and then growled in irritation when he felt the need to blow his nose.

"Fuck you too, weather." He mumbled, filling nearly half the mug with cream and sugar respectively before pouring the coffee in.

He heard the voices outside the door just after he'd grabbed a spoon to stir it all, making him freeze in his current actions.

One of them was unmistakably Itachi's voice. The other he couldn't tell for sure, but he had a pretty good guess as to who it was.

"Oh hell no!" He said, leaving his mug abandoned to storm over to the door.

This was Itachi's house, and he respected that. He didn't rightfully have any say on whether the guy brought his little sex-projects home with him at night.

But that fucking bastard had tricked him and locked him in his own bloody room to keep him from witnessing a drunk Dr. Hoku with his own eyes! If that scrawny little asshole thought he could just rob Hidan of that pleasure and go drop the Doctor off at his house and still bring What's-his-name home for a late-night lay, he was out of his goddamned head!

It was almost four A.M. anyway, this was Hida's quiet time!

He twisted the knob and wrenched the door open, taking in a lungful of air to unleash his vocal fury upon the man, and then nearly choked when he saw not two, but  _three_ faces looking at him in surprise, irritation, and distress respectively.

He felt his face go slack in shock of his own as words actually failed him.

"Dammit, I told you he'd hear you. This is why I said to let me go in first!" Itachi said, giving the giant beside him a light punch on the upper arm.

"Hey Kid!" The tall guy, whatever his name was, said, ignoring this completely. "Up for a sleepover?"

Hidan's eyes had flicked over these two quickly and then come to land on the third visitor, none other than his boss, standing just behind them, snow piled on his broad shoulders and mussed hair.

His gaze didn't leave the man, even as those bloodshot eyes narrowed at him in anger.

"What the hell's going on?" He finally said, not moving from the doorway or averting his steady stare at Kakuzu until Itachi gently pushed him out of the way.

"We ran into a bit of trouble, Hidan. Please let us in, it's horrid out here."

"Trouble? What kind of fucking trouble?" He said back, stepping out of the way as the three men filed slowly inside, then absently shutting the door behind them, eyes locked onto his boss yet again despite the older man having his back turned to him.

"Turns out your roomie here drives like an asian schoolgirl."

"We hit a chunk of ice, Kisame." Itachi said firmly to him, then turning to Hidan. "I lost control of the car and we got stuck in a snowdrift. Kisame and the Doctor are going to be waiting here until the weather eases up and a cab can reach us."

"What the hell?" The albino said again, still watching the silent one of the trio as he moved to the dining table,removed his coat, and draped it over the back of one of the chairs.

"I sent you a text. I'm assuming you've lost your phone again?" Itachi explained, stepping into Hidan's range of vision and centering the man's attention to himself.

"I didn't get any fucking texts." He finally said, fishing his phone from his pocket to check. He then held it out to his roommate, showing him the empty inbox.

"Hn." The Uchiha said, beginning to remove his own coat. "Probably this damn weather..."

"What? Don't wanna share your nice warm crib with us?" The scarred guy, Kisame, Itachi called him, laughed. "It's only for a couple hours. Chill out, kid."

Hidan's brow dropped now as he finally shook off the confusion. "Quit fucking calling me 'Kid', Shark-dick." He retorted back, making Kisame bark out a laugh once more.

"Shark-dick! Never been called that before. That's creative!"

Hidan immediately decided he didn't like this guy's cheery attitude. Who in their right mind  _approves_  a rude nickname like that?

"Did you make more coffee?" Itachi said then, sauntering into the kitchen to check instead of waiting for an answer. "I told you Hidan, it's far too late to be drinking so much caffiene."

"Tch. I can't fuckin' sleep anyway." He lied, following him to grab his cup. "And besides, it's not late anymore. It's early now."

"I could definitely go for some fresh coffee. My hands are frozen stiff." Kisame piped.

Itachi sighed in response. "Go ahead and have one, Kisame. Hidan goes through an entire can in a day anyway. Might as well get some before it's gone. Would you like some too, Doctor?"

"I'm fine." Came the gravelly reply.

Hidan stared at him for awhile, taking a slow drink from his mug until he had to step out of the way for the giant, ocean-lover to get past him.

"Hey 'Tachi I thought you said the cabs didn't run after midnight?"

"I was misinformed. Apparently they run constantly on weekends."

"Tch. You'd think one of you tightasses woulda known that." He said more to himself as he made his way back over to his spot on the loveseat. "Woulda saved everyone a shitload of trouble."

"Indeed it would have." Kakuzu spoke up, glaring at Kisame and making Hidan twist around to stare sideways at him.

Did Doctor Hoku actually just  _agree_  with him on something?

"Hey, c'mon!" The tallest of the group replied after taking a sip from his own steaming mug. "You were the one on the phone!"

"You were the one who threw it to me."

"So I was a little drunk! You were too, don't pin this all on me here."

"Please..." Itachi interrupted wearily, holding up his hand for silence. "Let's not play the blame game. What's done is done, at least we're out of that cold." With that statement he pushed himself from the counter where he'd been leaning. "Speaking of which, I'm going to try to find someone to tow my car out of the middle of the street. Hidan, would you turn to channel 11 and keep an eye on the weather, just in case."

The albino man groaned from the couch, his voice cracking slightly as he did so. He continued on anyway, hoping his roommate wouldn't take notice and ask him if he was getting sick in front of Doctor Asshole.

"GOD 'Tachi it's already fuckin' shit outside. Does it even matter if it gets worse?"

"Our two guests here would like to go home as soon as possible. If the weather gets worse or better then it could affect the timeframe in which their ride arrives."

"Well even if it does it's not like there's anything you can fuckin' do about it."

"I would still like to keep informed Hidan. Now do what I say!" The Uchiha finally snapped.

Hidan scoffed and lifted the remote to flick through the channels. "As you wish, Master."

 

* * *

 

Itachi sighed and thanked his roommate for cooperating, and turned to regard Kisame. As he did he caught Dr. Hoku staring at the back of Hidan's head with a tired but somewhat thoughtful expression. And it occurred to him that the man must be dead tired to actually let his emotions show like that so freely. Usually trying to determine his thoughts was like conversing with a brick wall.

He faced Kisame fully now, nose-deep in his mug. "I'd also like to talk to you in private, if you'd allow me..." His voice went quiet.

Little did the two men know that he'd fully overheard their conversation, hanging up in the middle of his call with the cab company before he'd even had the chance to request a ride.

Tonight surely was some kind of bright, flashing sign. For everything to be falling into his lap so neatly, it almost made him nervous, yet excited at the same time.

Hitting that chunk of ice had actually not been among his plans to fake a small crash, and he was a bit upset about it. But he had a wonderful lawyer, should his insurance fail to pay for the damages, so really it was only a minor setback. And it had given him the advantage of not having to lie. And this was only further proof that he was doing what he was doing strictly by fates design.

Kisame swallowed his mouthful of coffee loudly, forehead creasing in concern. "Erm... I guess that's okay..."

This response confused the Uchiha for a moment before he realized why the big man was reluctant. He began to inform him that it had nothing to do with  _their_  relationship, but then thought better of it, what with the two deathly quiet men sitting well within hearing range. They probably would not catch on anyway, but it was best not to take chances.

"Just a quick chat." He said, smiling warmly, "And I'll let you be. I'm sure you're exhausted anyway."

"Hah. I'd probably have claimed that extra couch by now if your buddy didn't have the nectar of the gods here waiting for us." Kisame replied, still tense, but visibly less-so. He took one more drink, effectively draining the cup, and sighed in content.

"Go ahead and make yourself another, my bedroom is at the end of the hall, I still have to make a few calls, but come back whenever you wish."

Hidan whirled around on the couch sudden at this, looking as if he were about to be murdered there on the spot.

"Don't do it Shark-dick! NEVER chase the cobra into her den! You'll never come out alive!"

"Oh shut up you child!" Itachi half-shouted, grabbing the first thing withing reach, which happened to be the coffee-stirring spoon, and chucking it at him.

The albino dodged it, his serious expression not leaving his face. "It's a trick! Don't listen to him!"

"Do I need to lock you in your room again?" Itachi growled, glancing at a nervous-again Kisame. If only that immature idiot knew that the conversation he hoped to have was for his benefit... well, no, the oblivious man would probably still resist.

"Hey fuck you! I'll get you back for that 'Tachi, just you wait."

"Oh I have no doubt that you will." He replied. "Please behave yourself in front of our guests." He said, shaking his head and rolling his eyes in Kisame's direction, a silent way of telling him to ignore the idiot.

Hidan's nose crinkled as his roommate sauntered past him. "Do I look like a goddamned dog to you?"

"You certainly act like an animal." Kakuzu's voice said before Itachi could reply. He stopped and turned now, unable to help the small smirk on his face.

Hidan was on his knees now, holding on to the back of the couch so that he could face the older man.

"Hey you old miser. This may be Itachi's place but I fuckin' live here too, so I have just ass much right to kick your wrinkled ass out into the cold!"

"No you don't." Itachi said, turning to continue into the room.

"Goddammit Uchiha,  _he_  didn't need to know that!"

" _Behave,_  Hidan."

"Oh my God! This house is a prison!"

Itachi shut the bedroom door before he was dragged into another argument. He almost hated to leave the poor Doctor out there alone with him when he was in such a hostile mood, but he knew hidan was only reacting this way because of the uncomfortable circumstance of Kakuzu's presence.

That man was so transparent once you knew him well enough.

And if Hidan thought Itachi hadn't noticed his nasally voice and the way he continued sniffling, he was terribly mistaken. He simply hadn't said anything for the fact that if Hidan were pretending not to be sick, and putting on such a show in front of Kisame and Kakuzu, then he probably didn't want it to be known. Too bad the man wasn't as good an actor as he seemed to believe.

It worked out anyway, he supposed. leaving those two alone would likely force some kind of interaction between them. Eventually the Doctor, if he hadn't already, would have to notice Hidan was sick. What would happen from there is anyone's guess, the elder man might even ignore it.

But that was okay, they had the rest of the night and all morning tomorrow to get well acquainted, seeing as there weren't actually any taxi's coming to get them.

Oh, the pains of being a good friend... and evil genius

 

* * *

 

Kakuzu had already had all he could take by the time Itachi disappeared into his bedroom. He'd heard him ask Kisame to join him, and didn't dare make eye contact with the man. He knew as soon as he did his younger friend would surely ask for some kind of direction.

Sure, the situation looked a little perverted, but this was none of Kakuzu's concern. Kisame had gotten himself into this mess, and he would get himself out.

He  _was_  torn though. He certainly didn't want Kisame to wander into the bedroom and participate in whatever went on in there only to leave him alone out here with the hyperactive, shouting, twerp. But then again, he really couldn't take much more of this ridiculous bickering between Hidan and whoever he decided to bark at. If Kisame left, and Kakuzu refused to speak any more, the idiot would be forced to shut his insolent mouth, and with any luck, doze off to sleep.

God, sleep. That word sounded wonderful.

Too bad he had only just arrived, and there was still hours left to go.

"Seriously dude..." Hidan said, breaking the older man from his thoughts. "Don't go in there. It's a one-way-street."

"Can it kid. There's nothing going on between me and your buddy." Kisame said calmly, fixing himself another cup of coffee.

Kakuzu stared at it longingly. The smell was starting to get to him, he'd refused earlier only for the fact that Hidan had been in the kitchen, and he would have to be near the brat in order to make himself a cup. And he sure as hell wasn't going to let the Uchiha boy make it for him. The Doctor was very specific about how he made his coffee.

"Yeah, that's what you think now. Until you get back there. 'Soon as you walk in that room he'll trap you in his web. Then you can kiss your ass goodbye."

"You're starting to sound like he's a serial killer or something."

"MAYBE HE IS!" Hidan gasped, feining terror. "That explains why I've seen so many dudes go back there, but never seen them come back out!"

"You're hilarious..." Kisame drawled.

"Tch. Fine, don't listen to me. I've only known him since he was 16. What would I know?"

"Kisame, will you just hurry up and get back there so he'll shut up!" Kakuzu growled then, massaging his eyes. "I can't take any more of that inane droning he calls speech."

"HEY FUCKER! I TOLD YOU TO WATCH YOUR SHIT!" He shouted back.

" _Hidan! Quiet! Now!"_  Itachi's shout sounded from the back room.

Hidan huffed, finally flipping back around in his seat to survey the t.v., which he flipped back to the channel he'd had it on previously.

There was silence in the room for a total of 10 seconds.

"How many guys do you see go back there, exactly?" Kisame said suddenly.

Hidan barked out a laugh and waved at him, not even turning to look. "I'm just fucking kidding Shark-dick, you gullible fuck. 'Tachi hasn't gotten laid in forever."

"What's that have to do with anything?" Kisame asked back, stopping in his tracks.

Hidan did twist only his head now to smile innocently at the man. "Why don'tcha go back there and find out? Or, you know, run while you still can."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes as his younger friends face twisted with worry, and he turned to give the older a pleading look.

He sighed heavily, "Kisame you're a grown man. You have the ability to say no if it comes to that. Just go." Really, it was that dults idea to come here in the first place. He was so damn clueless sometimes... Trap him in his web, indeed.

Hidan was still staring at the taller man, entertained. Kisame looked back to his, scowled, and turned to go on his way, ignoring Hidan's chuckles.

Kakuzu took in and then let out a deep breath when he heard to door open, Itachi's gentle mumbling, and then the door being shut softly. He looked up at the coffee pot, steeling himself for the comments that were surely coming his way as soon as he got up to fix himself some.

He pushed from the table, counted the seconds, each step, waiting for the idiots voice to break the near silence and shout over the quiet television some useless trash to try and trick him into arguing with him. He'd done more than enough of that on Friday, he'd fallen for it enough so that he knew now, as hard as it was, he simply had to remain silent. If for some reason (and there would  _never_  be one good enough) Hidan ever ended up in  _his_ house, he wouldn't hesitate to tear the boy a new one. But with the circumstances as they were, that hope was non-existent.

He reached his destination, tentatively reaching up to grab himself a cup from where he'd seen Kisame take his. Still not a sound from his employee.

He glanced over to see the colorless man sitting in the glow of the television, face relaxed, seemingly at peace as he watched some man in a hockey mask decapitate a woman with a machete.

He flicked his gaze back down to his task, pausing every other heartbeat to look back up at Hidan. Was he really not going to say anything more?

He continued staring at the younger man, irritated at himself for doing it but at the same time unable to distract himself from it. The picture was a completely different one from the Hidan at the clinic. Even just previously he hadn't noticed to differently the boy looked tonight, with his hair down, wearing black sweatpants, no shirt, a silver crucifix around his neck... Now that he was actually quiet and still...

BAH! Damn it all!

He growled and tore himself away from the image, scowling down at his cup as he poured the coffee and creamer in at the same time, mixing them perfectly.

_Dammit you old man. Hidan is_ NOT _attractive. Stop ogling him that way. For the love of Benjamin, he's almost 25 years your junior._

The fact that he was even having to tell himself things like this only irritated him more, and he ground his teeth together as hard as he could, trying desperatley to control his lock-jaw grip on his mug so as not to shatter the thing in his hand. He was  _not_  a woman, dammit. He was closer to a robot, if anything. Having even normal interest in Hidan was bad enough, but sitting there staring at him? How his hair glowed in the flickering light of the flat-screen in front of him, how his chest rose and fell evenly, toned enough to see his pectorals and crunched abdominals underneath, but not so buff to where it looked as if he were flexed constantly.

...

_FUCK!_  He was doing it again! And not even looking at him now!

Oh good lord, he was  _fantasizing._

Very close to just stopping right there and punching himself in the face, he turned to head back to the table, coming to an abrupt halt and thanking whatever universal force was out there that he was able to contain his shock when Hidan was suddenly right there behind him, glaring up at him.

"Don't drink all my coffee, I need that." He said sternly, holding Kakuzu's stare for a moment before stepping around him and moving to, as the elder assumed, get himself more coffee.

"Mister Uchiha made it perfectly clear that I could have as much as I like." He retorted, shaking off the surprise and slipping back to the table just outside the kitchen.

"Tch. Just wait until I get my first paycheck and buy my own shit. Then he can shove it up his ass. 'Bout fuckin' sick of being bossed around by everyone..." Hidan said back, eerily calm, over the soft tinkling of the spoon hitting the ceramic as he stirred the contents of his cup.

Kakuzu sat back down, raising a brow at the boy. "Perhaps if you didn't behave like a child, you wouldn't be treated like one."

Hidan came around the counters, just within Kakuzu's range of vision, and stopped, seemingly studying him. "Hey shithead,  _you're_  the one who didn't like me minding my manners. Don't even start with me." He didn't move after he said it, still standing there staring at him.

Kakuzu fought back the urge to tell the brat to go away, but he bit his tongue, doing so might make way for more teasing. Instead he hmph'd for a reply and raised the cup to his lips.

"So how come your eyes are always like that?" Hidan said, coming to sit at the table across from him, much to the older man's discontent.

"Why is your hair white at twenty-two?" He countered.

Hidan made a face at this. "Because I'm albino you dumbass. I was born like this."

"As was I."

"I fucking know that! Fuck, maybe I didn't make myself clear. What I want to know is what makes them red like that all the time? Were you just born with fucking weed in your blood and you're stoned all the time, or what?"

"Do you have any brain at all?" Kakuzu said back. He wasn't exactly sure how to react to this situation. Hidan wasn't yelling at him, or ignoring him. He was just sitting there across from him calmly, speaking at a normal volume, and inquiring the elder man about himself while they shared a pitcher of coffee.

He wasn't used to the man acting so mature. It was strange.

"You wanna crack my skull open and see it?"

Kakuzu nodded. "I would love to break your neck as well."

"Well, I'm right here Old man. Come at me."

The doctor hesitated now, regarding Hidan with a mirrored, blank expression. "What are you trying to pull here, boy?"

Hidan just clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes, pushing his chair back to get up. "Damn, you're boring. I dunno what the fuck those two like about you, crotchety old man." He said, going back over to the couch and settling himself in. "And I'm not a goddamn boy. And neither is Itachi. Don't sit there acting all wise and talking about being treated how you act, you fuckin hypocrite."

"Watch your tone, Hidan."

The man twisted around again, smirking. "Oh what? Hidan? Who's that? I thought my name was idiot, or moron, or  _boy._ "

"If you're trying to make some point here then make it already. I'm sick of hearing your insufferable voice."

"Holy shit! We agree on something. Another first."

"Annoying brat." He said, going back to sipping on his coffee and doing... absolutely nothing else.

"Tightass grampa." Hidan retorted, turning back around to watch t.v.

 

* * *

 

Kisame sat awkwardly in Itachi's crowded bedroom at the desk he had shoved in the corner. The Uchiha sat a few feet in front of him, crosslegged on the corner of the bed, smiling expectantly.

The giant of a man smiled uncertainly, reaching up to smooth a hand through his hair. "I don't know, Itachi... Sounds like something that'll probably end up biting me in the ass."

"Nonsense. I'll take complete responsibility if anyone ever finds out. As long as you're careful, they won't. I'll do most of the work anyway, I just can't do it by myself."

"But what if it doesn't work out?"

"Then at least we'd have tried."

He sighed, looking around the room nervously for the billionth time. He'd always thought of Itachi as a clean freak, and finally seeing his apartment had reinforced this belief. But his bedroom... well, it was clean, certianly. No trash or dust to be found in this place. perhaps, cluttered was a better word to describe it. The younger man had explained that with Hidan using his office as a bedroom, he'd had to convert his own room into his workspace.

His queen-sized bed sat against one wall, with his closet directly to the left of that. There was only enough space for someone Itachi's size to stand in front of the small door, then there was his large dresser, which was probably about as long as the bed itself, standing 4 and a half foot tall. It stretched down to the corner, and then in front of it there was only enough room to open the drawers before his rolltop desk. On the other side of the desk was two small filing cabinets, with a small bookshelf balanced precariously on top. The wall right of his bed was left bare for the fact that there was only a foot and a half of clearance between.

"Kisame, please help me do this. Just from what's happened tonight, can't you tell it's simply meant to be? You think we'd all be here together if it weren't some kind of heaven-sent sign?"

"Yeah... It  _is_  a damned coincidence..." He said, meeting Itachi's dark eyes again. "But it's just so weird... I mean.. I only just found out about...You know. I haven't even gotten used to it yet, and if by some miracle it actually  _did_ work out, I don't know if I could take it..."

Itachi sighed and averted his eyes down to the carpet. "You said yourself that it would probably lighten him up. Surely his life can't be all that enjoyable going on the way he has been."

After Hidan's teasing, Kisame had come back and entered the room, receiving a warm smile from Itachi that made his stomach churn and flutter at the same time. The Uchiha had motioned for him to take a seat where he was now until he finished up on the phone. And the large man had awkwardly accepted, sitting there tapping his fingers in quick succession against his thigh as he waited.

 

.

 

_Itachi finally thanked the person on the other end of the line and shut his phone, sighing, and then turning around and seating himself on the bed._

_"I'm sorry it's so cramped, Hidan's in my study, so I had to move everything in here. This apartments not really built for two people..."_

_"Eh, it's okay. It's... erm... cozy."_

_Itachi laughed and rolled his eyes, the sound making Kisame's heart beat a little faster. It reminded him of bells. Not church bells or christmas bells, or any kind of specific bells really. But it just left a sort of pretty ringing in his ears._

_He mentally slapped himself. Jesus christ, he'd only been informed that he apparently had a crush on the guy a few hours ago, and now he was like some nervous little girl on her first date._

Itachi is a  _man,_  Kisame. A man.

_But not really... now that he really looked. He was so... so pretty, like a girl. Long dark eyelashes, a soft chin, plump lips, that cat-like smile..._

_"Don't try to spare my feelings, I hate it. But there's nothing to be done about it. I'd rather have a lack of space than a lack of a best friend."_

_"Yeah... You guys really are super-close, huh?"_

_"I've told you of how dear to me Hidan is, Kisame."_

_"Yeah but, I mean. I don't know, I guess it didn't really click until I saw your place here. Him standing in your doorway half-naked was... I don't know, not unexpected, just weird."_

_Again Itachi laughed. "He's not ashamed of much, that's for sure."_

_Kisame forced out a chuckle as well, stopping abruptly when Itachi became serious suddenly._

_"Kisame. I really am sorry about what happened. If you're not ready to talk about it we don't have to, just please don't shut me out. It hurts, you're my best friend."_

_"I thought he was your best friend?" Kisame said, confused and uncomfortable now that Itachi had finally brought the subject up._

_"You're my best friend in a different way. Hidan, I love him and all but he's more like a baby bird that hasn't been able to leave the nest. One of these days he'll finally get back up on his feet and be off again, and I know him well enough to know that even if he tries, our friendship will distance itself. But you... I don't know, you feel much more permanent. If that makes sense. Not so much someone for me to take care of, just someone to relax with, have fun, forget the world for awhile."_

_Kisame stared, dumbstruck. He really couldn't have hit the nail more on the head with that one. it was exactly how he'd felt about Itachi, at least... before Friday.._

_"Yeah... that makes sense."_

_"So you won't shut me out?"_

_"No.. I just... I don't want things to be awkward."_

_"They'll only be awkward if you make it awkward, Kisame. I won't step out of line again. I know it seems impossible now but things will go back to normal. Just pretend it was a dream, if that makes it better."_

_The tall man winced at this. That wouldn't make it better, that just made it more disturbing. Pretending it was a dream meant that another guy had got him all hot and riled in his subconscious, which was even worse than not realizing he liked guys._

Not even guys. Just Itachi...

_With his soft voice, flowing, raven-colored hair, the smooth but intentional way he moved. The way he looked at everything as if not only seeing it, but seeing through it as well... how he could sit in such an undignified position like he was as still look so pristine and regal..._

_"Anyway, what I really wanted to talk to you about is Dr. Hoku. I'd like you to help me with something."_

_He was snapped from his daydream-like state by these words, his face screwing up in confusion. What on earth could Itachi need help with that concerned Kakuzu?_

_"And what's that?"_

_"I want to get Hidan and the Doctor together."_

_If he'd have been taking a drink of his coffee right now he would have spit it everywhere. Instead he nearly choked on his own spit, and had to spend a lengthy amount of time gathering himself while Itachi stared at him in a mixture of disapproval of his actions and vague concern._

_"You want to_ WHAT!? _" He sputtered out._

_"Get them together, romantically."_

_"Why the hell would you wanna do that? Or even_ think _of doing something like that!?"_

_"Well just look at them, how they act around each other. Look at everything that's happened since they've met, the situation we're in now. You don't think it makes sense?"_

_"Hell no it doesn't! Kakuzu is Forty-six, Itachi. Your buddy's only a few months older than you."_

_"And you're sixteen years older than me, Kisame." Itachi stated emotionlessly._

_"Well... yeah... but... I mean... that's different."_

_"Is it? How so?"_

_"Well, because-"_

_"Because they're twenty-four years apart instead of sixteen? Because Kakuzu was in college by the time Hidan came into existence?"_

_"Yeah! Exactly!"_

_"You're ridiculous. And wrong. They're both grown men now, Kisame. Love is love, and destiny is destiny. Age makes no difference. The Universe is billions and billions of years old and yet something brand new occurs within it every single second."_

_"That's not even the same Itachi..."_

_"But it is!" He said loudly before flinching and looking toward the closed door. When he turned back around he had lowered his voice again. "Maybe I can convince you another way, I know I said I wouldn't speak of it anymore but Kisame, do you like me?"_

"What!? _I.. well Yeah, of course I like you."_

_"Don't do that, you know what I mean. You're aware that I have affections for you that cross the boundaries of mere friendship. What I'm asking is if you feel the same way about me?"_

_Kisame swallowed hard, wringing his hands. "I... I don't know, Itachi. I mean.. You're a guy... and... It's a lot to think about..."_

_"Well I won't push you for an answer. But say that eventually you did come to the conclusion that you felt the same way, and you wanted to pursue that feeling. Would you? Would you want me even knowing that I was only just born by the time you were a junior in highschool?"_

_"Well... You can't expect me to answer that-"_

_Itachi sighed in irritation and rolled his eyes. "Kisame, please it's a hypothetical question, it's not even about you and I. How about this, have you ever been in love?"_

_Kisame jerked in surprise at this as well, he'd somewhat expected Itachi to get on the subject of them as an item, but certainly not anything like this._

_"What? No, I-"_

_"You've never loved? You didn't love your parents or your siblings?"_

_"Well yeah of course I did, but that's not what you're asking."_

_"No it's not, but they're both similar anyway. Just imagine the love you had for your mother, and put my image in her place, and what do you feel?"_

_"Itachi, really I'm not comfortable talking about this right now..." He finally said, raising his palms to the man to punctuate this._

_Itachi's perfect brows dropped in anger, but then he sighed and dropped his head. When he lifted it again his usual kind smile was back in place. "I'm sorry. I ... don't know what's wrong with me, getting so irritated like that. Let me come at this from a different angle." he said, pressing his own palms together, and pointing them at Kisame._

_"Hidan is bisexual, always has been. Though he's mentioned before that he doesn't really like women for anything other than intercourse. He has a terrible fear of being alone, Kisame. And though my being here, and our friendship helps sedate it, that is_ all _that it does. I think that if he could find what he needs in another human being as far as love, it would solve that problem, and all the others would fall in place on their own."_

_Kisame considered this, staring at the younger man in uncertainty. "Not to sound like a jerk or anything, but that sounds like a bunch of fairy-tale bullshit, Itachi..."_

_The Uchiha's face darkened and Kisame rushed to continue._

_"I mean. I makes sense in theory. Really. And I agree that getting himself some ass would probably make Kakuzu lighten up a bit. But do you really think your expectations from this are realistic? Like they'll both get together and suddenly become perfect? I mean, they're both such... Well, I don't know, I just... I just don't see what would be so promising about it."_

_"It has nothing to do with being perfect. Merely filling a very large void that they both have commonly in their lives. And really, look how they act towards each other, you_ know _they have a thing."_

_"A thing... Kakuzu_ hates _Hidan."_

_"He hates him because he likes him."_

_"That doesn't even make sense."_

_"It doesn't have to Kisame! Tell me, how much attention has that man ever paid to anyone else? Even claiming to hate them? Has he ever felt any sort of extreme emotion at all? You may think that the opposite of love is hate, but that's incorrect. The opposite of love is indifference, as well as the opposite of hate. The point here is not that he hates Hidan, it's that he feels whatever emotions he's feeling as strongly as he is." He said,pausing for a moment mercifully so Kisame could get his head to stop spinning. This whole damn night... was ridiculous... All these weird realizations... He'd never been so confused in all his life._

_"I need you to work Kakuzu's end while I chip away at Hidan. You know him better than I and I've not done a very good job of getting into good graces with him. So tell me, are you with me on this or not?"_

 

_._

 

And that's where they were now...

"Dammit... I can't... I can't say no when you use your crazy logic against me."

Itachi smiled, actually showing his perfect top row of teeth. "There's no such thing as crazy logic, Kisa. But I'm taking that as a yes, if you're not able to say no."

He sighed and leaned back in the seat, both hands draped over his forehead and hair. "Yes, yes.. I guess I'll be a part of this insanity. At the very least I'll get to have a good laugh at their expense... And we have good intentions right?"

"Absolutely. The  _best_  intentions."

Kisame looked at the beaming man on the side of the bed, unable to keep the small smile from the corner of his mouth. His stomach felt light, he felt like he was going to throw up, he was hot and cold at the same time.

God save him... he  _did_  like Itachi. He  _really_  liked Itachi.

"I'm still blown away by your ability to meet someone for five seconds and figure out every detail of their personality. I've known Kakuzu since I was in highschool, thats a long time Itachi, and I _still_  didn't know he liked dudes."

Itachi nodded at this. "He certainly radiates heterosexuality doesn't he? And he hides it well. He's ashamed of it, as much as he tries not to be, as much as he tells himself it's okay. I can tell though, you learn to pick up on things like that in my business. Learn about people by their body language instead of their words. He looked me up and down when we first met as well, knowing full well that I was a male. "

"A male... yeah..." Kisame said sadly, brows creasing, though he didn't break eye contact.

Itachi's smile disappeared as concern fell over him. He tipped his head slightly to to the side, still holding the large man's gaze, before finally breaking it to look down at his leg bouncing restlessly.

Kisame, meanwhile, was having a war in his mind. Half of him wished he was still drunk, because as much as he hated to admit it, he wanted to throw himself on top of the Uchiha and taste those amazing lips again, feel his tongue against his own, run his hands over the perfect, pearly skin...

The other half of him, not so much fighting it for the fact that he was a man (though that was still a small portion.) simply wasn't comfortable with it. He realized suddenly that as well as he knew Itachi, this strange new development had him feeling like he was sitting here in a complete strangers bedroom. Of course it didn't help matters that he'd never actually  _been_  in Itachi's bedroom before.

To do what his body wanted, to give in to these fuzzy feelings, it seemed wrong. It... it just wasn't the right time. They'd taken far too huge of step before, and it had destroyed the foundation that their friendship was built on. Had Itachi just come out and stated his feelings instead of jumping Kisame the way he did... maybe things would have been different. If they'd taken it slow, given it time to resonate with him, let his realize at his own pace that he had feelings for the guy... Maybe it would be different...

"Kisa... are you alright?" Itachi said, leaning slightly forward and unfolding his legs to rest them on the floor.

He must have taken his shoes and socks off when he'd first come back to the bedroom, as Kisame only just now noticed the man was barefoot.

Kisame had really never been a foot guy before, but holy shit, he'd never seen more perfect feet, or more perfectly painted toenails. And he was slightly disturbed at the surge of lust this brought out in him.

"Yeah... I'm doing okay..."

"Am I making you uncomfortable? You can go back out to the living room if you wish. Hidan and Doctor Hoku were my entire reason for bringing you back here. I don't want to push you away by pressing on the matter..."

"Itachi?"

"Hm?"

He leaned forward, making sure those beautiful coal eyes were locked onto his before he continued. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

The younger man shifted uncomfortably, taking on an expression at first as if he were going to play dumb. Kisame's heart sank at this, but rose again as the expression passed and the Uchiha slumped his narrow shoulders.

"I... I don't know... I was nervous. Scared of rejection. I knew that you were not aware of my feelings, and I really could not determine if you liked me in the same manner I did you. You're a puzzle, Kisame. I can't seem to figure you out, not completely at least."

He considered this for a moment before following the question with another. "If you were nervous and scared I'd reject you, what made you turn around and... kiss.. me... like that? I mean, if I  _had_  said no... wouldn't that have made it worse?"

Itachi's pale cheeks tinted red then, and damn it all if it didn't just make him more beautiful.

Kisame blinked... never in his life would he ever have thought he'd ever consider using such a word to describe a grown male. But really, nothing else fit Itachi. He certainly wasn't handsome, and saying he was sexy or hot wouldn't really be a lie, but it didn't quite fit quite as well as beautiful.

"That... was a moment of weakness. I tried to stop myself, Really, I did. I don't know, the way you smile and the light shines behind you in through that window, and your eyes... those amazing, dark, soul-pits, you have for eyes... I don't know. I was close to losing my mind, it felt like. That's why I decided to leave a little early. And you followed behind me and you put your hand on my shoulder... it was like I was struck by lightning. I know it's sort of childish but you've really never touched me that way before, but for a pat on the back or a high-five or something like that... I just... I couldn't control myself..." He stopped his rambling, looking almost shocked that he'd even said all that, and looked back to Kisame, cheeks staining even darker. "You're always so confident, I wanted to be confident too. I usually have no problems such as that, I perfectly comfortable with myself, but with you... I feel like a mouse sometimes... if that makes sense."

Kisame couldn't even think straight enough to force words from his mouth at this. His chest kind of ached, it was distracting. He was aware that he had been staring at Itachi's mouth the entire time he was talking, but couldn't seem to look anywhere else.

"Kisame? Are you sure you're alright?"

He almost felt as if there were a balloon inside him, and someone was pumping it with more and more air, filling it up, up, up until it pained him. It filled his body and pushed against his walls, threatening to break him if something wasn't done about it.

His mind seemed to come to some sort of conclusion then, without him having to do much more thinking at all. He had always been an easy-going guy, able to deal with anything life threw at him due to his flexible, optimistic personality. He could get along with just about anyone, and could accomplish just about anything he set out to do with a decent performance, at the very least.

So why was he suddenly resisting now? Life had never let him down before when he'd just gone with the flow. It clicked on a light in his head, making him feel a little stupid for acting the way he had been, for feeling the way he had been. After all, it was like he always said, if it was meant to happen, it's going to happen, so just let it happen. It was strange and unfamiliar territory, but there was certainly no one in the world better suited to walk him through it than Itachi Uchiha.

"Itachi... I think I... I want to try." He said, hating how strained it sounded. Itachi would think he were doing something against his will, but it was actually the opposite. Damn this testosterone, he wanted to attack the gorgeous bastard.

"Try? Try wh-Oh..." He said, the blush that was previously gone from him now returning. "Really? You're not just saying it to spare my feelings?"

"No." He almost growled. "I really, really do." He said, almost laughing on the last part. This was insane. Just ten minutes ago he'd been completely unsure if he even liked the younger man, a few hours ago he hadn't even completely accepted the fact that it was a possibility, and a little over a day ago, his world had been in perfect condition, facing the right direction, with everything in it's logical place.

Now he wanted to do terrible, terrible things with him that he didn't even want to think about long enough to put into words. He was somewhat shocked to realize this, but didn't reject it at the same time. He kind of liked this feeling, of being lighter than air, being so inexplicably full of... of  _something_  that he just might burst. One thing was for sure, he may have had affections for the girls he'd had relationships with in the past, but never,  _ever_  had he felt it so damned over-powering like this.

"We can just start slowly. However you want. Romantic status, holding hands... I don't mind. I'm... I'm so ecstatic I can't really even think... I think maybe I'm rambling..."

"You are." Kisame said, rising from his chair. their last kiss didn't count, he suddenly decided. It was meaningless, seeing as half of the party hadn't really been completely aware or consented to what was happening. It had felt wonderful, like a fire was lit in his gut, but it didn't count.

"It so annoying, really. I've never been so nervous before... It's embarrassing... I mean I've had plenty of relationships but I've never had quite such a hard time of it... I'm not even sure if I'm making sense..."

"Same here." Kisame said absently, holding his hand out. Itachi took it and stood from the bed, still distracted with his own flurry of emotions.

The last kiss didn't count, but this one would. This would be the deal breaker. Everything was out in the open, the topic had been discussed, he hadn't been rushed to make his decision. And now that he'd started, he didn't think he could stop himself anyway, mainly for the fact that he didn't  _want_ to stop. He  _wanted_  to kiss Itachi, this amazing, beautiful, devious angel of a man.

"I mean we don't even have to tell anyone, if you'd like. I don't mind keeping it down low, I know Hidan won't say anything if I ask him not to and surely Dr. Hoku-"

"Itachi." Kisame nearly whispered, feeling completely detached from himself, almost as if he were asleep, just watching a dream unfold.

_"Just pretend it was a dream, if that makes it better."_

Maybe it was a dream... maybe this is a dream now...

If so, it was the best damn dream he'd had in awhile.

"Yes?" the Uchiha said, turning to face him as he guided his small shoulder with a hand so much larger that it was somewhat comical. Though there were no laughs to be had, good God he felt like he might just die right now if one more second passed and he couldn't feel those lips against his own.

The Uchiha stared up at him with eyes wide, distant and yet so clear. His lips parted slightly as if he were about to say something, but no sound came out. He moved his hand from the young mans shoulder, tearing his eyes away from those of Itachi's to watch his dark hand slide along the fabric, feeling something close to static shock when it ghosted over his collarbone and met the skin at the nape of his neck.

A shudder ran through the lean body, only centimeters away from being pressed against him. He felt the smallest of smiles tug at the corner of his mouth, still watching his own hand, noticing the contrast of their skin, as it moved up the man's neck, along his jawline, and finally down to rest under his chin.

"That last one didn't count, okay?" He whispered, standing straight but with his neck craned down, holding his face just over the younger man's upturned one. He finally looked back into his eyes as he received a nod in response.

"So this is the first one." He said, again getting nothing but a nod.

He smiled, hesitated for a second only for the fact that he couldn't part himself from the look of absolute adoration and bliss he was receiving. He'd seen it so many times before, but just like with everything else happening in this moment, he'd never seen anything like it.

Finally he let his other arm snake around Itachi's waist, and lowered his head those last few inches.

 

* * *

 

A long, heavy quiet had settled over the apartment after Kakuzu had given up the little arguement they had going. Hidan was a little alarmed at this, mainly for the fact that he did  _not_  want to hear Itachi and Shark-dick's animal noises floating down the hall.

After awhile he'd grown bored with watching old-school Halloween re-run's (which he didn't really know why they were playing anyway, seeing as it was getting near Christmas.) and flipped through the channels, unable to find anything interesting on and abandoning his search without checking to see which channel he'd actually landed on. He'd simply muted the television and turned around to start another bickering match with his boss.

But the scene that graced him when he did was unexpected, not so much for the display itself, but more for the fact that he was so mesmerized by it.

Kakuzu had fallen asleep there at the table, sitting crouched over the surface with his head perched on his right fist. His eyes were closed, brow pinched ever so slightly in his slumber, chest moving out and falling back to it's place steadily. His jaw flexed every so often, giving the albino the impression that the doctor was one of those sleep-grinders.

It was at this point that he had turned again on the couch, with his arms folded across the back of the seat and his head propped on them like a pillow to better study the man.

Again, sitting here stareing at him, he had that strange feeling again, of something being held just outside his means of understanding. Familiar, but not enough so for any sort of recognition. It irritated him just as much as ever, but in this moment he also felt a sort of inner peace that he didn't understand and couldn't place, but it soothed the anger none-the-less. He still couldn't make much sense of the thoughts buzzing about in his head, but for the first time in his life, when he was sober, that was okay.

Kakuzu was wearing another turtleneck sweater, this one a slate gray. Without the labcoat on though, Hidan could actually see how complementing it actually looked on him. It fit perfectly, not too tight, not too loose, hugging his thick biceps, outlining his lats all the way from his strong neck to his mid back. The material flowed loosley and folded in on itself over his hunched stomache, somehow not making the man look to have a gut even though it was bunched the way it was.

He was wearing khaki-colored pants underneath them, somewhere between dress pants and common slacks. The kind with the large pockets on the side of the thigh. Hidan decided that he like these on Kakuzu. The sweater gave him a dignified, respectable look, enhancing and embracing his increased age instead of focusing completley on it. And the pants were of a recent enough style to make him look casual and comfortable, took away the edge of his hardened facial features.

He chewed on his lower lip, sniffling heavily as his nose threatened to run again. He was aware that he was sitting here staring at the man he claimed to hate, and believed that he did. But right now, righ tin this moment, Kakuzu didn't seem like his boss, like a threatening authority figure, like the asshole of the century.

He was just a guy in his mid-to-late forties. The same as everyone else.

Hidan tried, just as an experiment, to muster up some of the anger the elder man caused so easily in him. He even creased his own brow and scowled at the sleeping man, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists.

But he stopped soon after, when it felt like he suddenly didn't have all that much energy left to exert. Finally the calm he felt receded a little as a thought popped into his head. Just a simple, innocent thought, but one that disturbed him to no end.

_I like him like this._

His eyes widened as he sat backward on his knees. It was just one thought, but as soon as it whispered it's way into his head, it was as if a flood of them suddenly came racing through.

_He really is kind of sexy._

No! He's not!

_I wonder what he's like when he's happy._

Don't wonder that!

_I wonder what he's like_ in  **bed**.

"Hey!" Hidan said loudly then to escape the thoughts before they got any worse, unable to hold back his smile when his voice interrupted the dead silence in the livingroom, and the older man jerked awake.

His emerald eyes caught Hidan's osft magentaish-pink ones, blinking in confusion for a second.

"You don't have to sit over there at the table you know..." He said, just before the older man's eyes flashed back to their usual angry composure. "I fell asleep at that table the other night, in that exact spot. Holy shit, the next morning sucked, my whole body hurt everywhere."

"What time is it?" His gravelly voice ground out, as he stretched his back and relaxed again to rub his eyes.

"Five Thirty-eight."

" _What?"_  The older man said sharply, snapping his head over to glare at Hidan. "Why is our cab not here yet?"

Hidan shrugged, vaguely wondering why he was still sitting like he was, watching each action the man made. His head was starting to feel a little foggy, probably thanks to his cold. His stupid body was working harder than normal, so now what little sleep schedule he'd had would be all jacked up. Part of him wanted to go ahead and go to bed, and another part, a louder, but more confusing part, urged him to stay out here. With Kakuzu.

"Maybe they got stuck too. Can't even see out the windows anymore, there's so much snow and ice."

Kakuzu rose from his chair then and stormed over to the front door, twisting the knob and pulling it open.

Except it didn't budge.

Hidan raised a brow in interest. That was weird, he didn't remember locking it...

Kakuzu growled deep in his throat, taking a wider stance, twisting the knob and ripped the door open with a loud crack that made Hidan jump from his seat and rush over to the door.

"What the fucking hell are you doing you fucking senile old bastard! You'll break the goddamn door and let all that fucking cold get in here!" He attempted to push the old man out of the way, with absolutely no results at all, the man was like a boulder. And so he abandoned that idea to drop crouch down and look at the latch.

The entire thing was covered in a thick layer of ice.

"It was frozen shut." Kakuzu said, still not moving from his spot.

"Holy fuck..." Hidan said, sniffling and then dragging his arm across the bottom of his nose without thinking.

"What are you? Two? Go get a damn tissue you idiot!" Kakuzu snapped then, shoving the man easily out of the way as he stepped forward to the outside door and tried to push in the handle. It was in the same state at the big door had been, only this one had three foot of snow drifted up against it to keep anyone from forcing it open.

Hidan was thrown sideways to the ground when he was shoved, having been caught off guard not just by the action but by the strength of it. He was pretty fit, he liked to think, but he kept forgetting how the Doctor was built like a fucking brick house.

"Don't fucking push me around you asshole! It's not  _my_  fault we're fucking froze inside this place!"

Kakuzu growled at the door, still looking outside. It seemed the streetlamps had gone out as well, it was pitch-black out there, Hidan noted, following this thought with the internal question of how their electricity was still running if the city lights weren't up and running.

As if on cue, the lights flickered as the wind howled outside. That was strange, he hadn't even heard it pick up so much, usually the windows in this place rattled like a motherfucker.

"Ooohh nooooo..." He moaned as they flickered again.

Kakuzu spun around, looking up at the ceiling for a moment before averting his gaze down to Hidan, a deep scowl set in his features.

" _FUCK!_  You've got to be kidding me!" He shouted, turning and half-way running into the kitchen. "Not now, not with this asshole here and itachi back getting screwed! Don't do this shit to me!"

He fumbled in the drawers as they flickered again, and then went out.

"Shit! Where's the goddamn flashlight!" He snarled.

The light returned then again for only one endless minute in which he spotted what he was looking for, snatched it from the drawer, and looked up to meet Kakuzu's eyes.

Then the lights flickered out one final time.


	8. Chapter 8

Fireworks exploded inside his head.

Volcanoes erupted all around the world.

His ribcage burst open wide with the heat and pressure that filled him so suddenly. His eyes closed themselves, and he was glad, otherwise he thought maybe he would have panic'd when he grew dizzy and his legs buckled beneath him.

Everything was the same, the room and the air and their stance and outward appearance, all remained perfectly still in the suffocating silence of the room, but he paid no mind. As far as Itachi was concerned, he'd suddenly been teleported to a timeless little box filled to the very brim with intangible but overwhelming bliss.

It finally happened, oh God. He was going to die from happiness alone, not to mention the red-hot blood he was suddenly aware of coursing through every inch of his body.

Kisame was kissing him. Without the pressure to do so, without the uncertainty he'd exhibited only moments before. Kissing him with lust, with need, with want, uncontrollable desire.

And everyone told him fairy-tales weren't real.

The seconds dragged on like hours, and yet flew by without notice as they remained there in that stance. He could distantly hear his heart beating, fast and hard and nearly painful.

His lungs burned with the need to breathe, but he didn't think he could inhale even if he wanted to. He was crushed so wonderfully against the much taller man's hard body. His big arms wrapped around him, keeping him standing upright with as little effort as it took to think the actions.

His arms had moved around the man's thick neck at some time, he remembered letting his hands slide gently up the stunning abdominals and chest, appreciating once again the feel of this amazing man before they slipped around there. Kisame had let his own arms move slowly to mirror his other one, cupping the small of Itachi's back and pulling him flush against his body.

Maybe it was stupid, to hold there in such a stance, mouths not moving at all in their impenetrable lock against each other. Bodies stiff and clinging to the other as if a crevice would tear the earth beneath them and swallow one or the other should they ever let go. But it wasn't as if he were in any sort of mood to let that bother him.

There was movement, now, at last. Kisame being the one to snap himself from the euphoria first in favor of falling into a different mindless condition. His hand moving from the much shorter man's back to slide torturously slow up his body, sending invisible sparks flying off from this action until his fingers tangled in the hair of Itachi's neck.

His mouth began to move against the Uchihas, re-lighting his natural body's action. Sweet oxygen filled his lungs when he finally inhaled through his nose, thick with Kisame's cologne, and then left him just as quickly.

He drew in another breath, as his senses came crashing back to planet Earth and his lungs suddenly burned with the need for air. But pulling back wasn't an option. Breaking away, stopping this trip through Nirvana didn't even make it halfway to crossing his mind.

The hand on the back of his head pulled him closer still, he let his own lips part, distantly hearing a soft moan escape as he sighed. Was that him? He couldn't tell, and he didn't care. Nothing else mattered right now, not one other thing in the entire world could possibly be more important than what was happening to him  _right now._

The mouth against his growled at the sound, suddenly more demanding. He received a sharp bite to his lower lip, making him gasp not from the sting of pain it brought, but from the zap of electricity it sent racing through him.

A second hand left his back now that he was once again stable on his feet, sliding up much quicker this time to come to a rest just under his jaw, fingers stretching up behind his ear and into his hair.

His own hands wandered, though he wasn't aware of anything but the mouth on his and the quick succession of breaths he had to keep forcing himself to take, dragging in air like he was on his deathbed each time it was pushed out of him by a pulse of arousal.

He let his tongue adventure beyond the restrains of his lips, running it smoothly across Kisame's bottom one, reveling in how they could be so incredibly soft through their slightly chapped nature, due to their extended time out in the snow. He found the small dip, the small chunk of scar tissue that somehow offered a whole new texture into the situation, and favored it without thinking. So many places to explore, so many secrets to discover about his body, so little time before he simply exploded from the mass of desperate  _need_  filling every inch of him.

The chest pressed against his vibrated at the moan elicited from his actions, and in a seconds time he was bombarded by the wonderful taste he remembered now as he was pulled so tightly against the man that he thought they might become one, distracted instantly by the thought as a wrestling match between tongue's begun, just as delicious and tantalizing as it had been the last time.

He came gliding back softly into reality a short time after that, after stretching up to his tallest height, pushing to the balls of his feet as much as he could reach, pulling the giant of a man by this heavily toned shoulders down as much as his weak arms could manage, as he realized he was being pushed backward. The back of his knees hit something soft, but the man with his hands pressed tightly around him didn't stop his advancements. He didn't fight it either, he couldn't fight it if he wanted to, so absolutely full with excitement and raging desire.

Against the laws of physics, the kiss deepened even further as he arched his back, pushing and moulding his own body like putty into Kisame's, feeling almost as if he could just wrap himself in the man, become a single sentient being if he could just get closer, as if this wasn't enough. No... it still wasn't enough.

 

His eyes snapped open more out of instinct when he realized he was tipping precariously, about to fall.

He gasped, clasping onto the first thing he could wrap his fingers around, a chunk of fabric, Kisame's shirt. And before he realized what was happening his back was pressed into his mattress with a heavy body on top of him, pinning him down.

His mouth had finally been free'd by this point, and he inhaled deeply the scent of this beautiful creature causing these amazing feelings within him, inadvertently blinking himself back into awareness.

That was strange... he thought. His eyes were open now, he was sure... Why couldn't he see anything?

"Kisame..." He panted to the man, trailing soft pecks and nips along his jawline and down his throat.

He felt his lids flutter shut again from the new waves of desire this brought on, and moaned out loud when rough hands slipped beneath his shirt, sending off more invisible sparks into the dark room as they moved, sliding up his sides and up to his chest as if to cup at the breasts that weren't there.

He drew in a sharp breath, forcing his eyes open to the pitch darkness, the action like a slap the the face bringing him roughly out of the dream-like state.

No, wait. This was going too far... it was only supposed to be a kiss.

"Kisame!" He gasped again, forcing his hands in between them and pushing. If he let the man continue he may very well freak out again, and most likely at the worst possible time. God forbid they both be there naked and prepared and he suddenly snapped back to reality and launched into another panic attack.

It didn't budge the large man on top of him, but finally did it's job of distracting him.

"What?" He growled, and lifted slightly, stunning the Uchiha for a moment at how much easier it suddenly was to breathe.

"Did-did you turn off the lights?" He said, trying to regain control of his airflow.

"No I didn't turn the damn lights off." He said roughly, almost like someone woken from a deep sleep. He shifted again, burying his head in the nape of Itachi's neck, nuzzling and then biting sharpley, making Itachi gasp once more as he fought desperately against himself. He wanted it,  _Oh God_  he wanted it. But something was wrong, something he needed to attend to, something that was his responsibility because it was his doing...

 _"HEY UCHIHA!"_ Hidan's voice suddenly echoed, seeming to bring down the cold, hard fist of reality fully crashing in on both men. Kisame's head shot up, and though the Uchiha couldn't see, he envisioned the man blinking himself into reality, just as he'd done himself not too long ago.

" _I could use some FUCKING HELP out here!"_

Kisame nearly leaped off Itachi, who rolled sideways to avoid a collision and pushed to his feet. He wasted no time in feeling along the wall until he reached the lightswitch, flipping it on and off several times, understanding evading him at first as the dizzying lust and raging sex-based hormones drained from his system.

Kisame's utter silence wasn't noticed as Itachi felt along further for the doorknob. Hidan, that's right. Hidan was here, out in the livingroom, and they were in his bedroom. All that had happened came flooding back to him, filling him with anger instead of a more suitable emotion for such a situation.

" _WOULD YOU JUST QUIT BITCHING!? FUCKING HELL YOU OLD GEEZER!"_  Hidan's muffled shouting came, disrupting his train of thought even further as more recollection pouring into his foggy mind.

That's right, Dr. Hoku was here too... His cheeks burned a little in the darkness at this, more for Kisame than himself. His alarm clock, the only one in the room, wasn't working. He'd no idea how long they'd been back here. Damn, there would be no evading the teasing Hidan was sure to come at him with. It was not too much trouble, really, but if poor Kisame had to suffer through it... well, Hidan would learn to shut his mouth when it came to such matters.

There was a loud thunk and the sound of multiple things falling to the floor.

_"OWFUCKSTUPIDFUCKINGSHELFFUCKYOU!"_

His hand finally alighted on the cool metal he'd been searching for, and he twisted, wrenching the door open.

"Hidan, for God's sake just stay put!" He yelled down the hallway, having gathered that the power must be out around the fourth flick of the lightswitch. He took a quick moment to make sure his hair and clothes were smoothed as he took a few steps out into the hallway. There would be no denying what had happened, most likely, as the two men in his livingroom were far from stupid, especially in the times he almost wished they were. But that didn't mean he had to look the part.

"There you are! Fuck! It's a good thing there wasn't a fire or a fucking earthquake or we'd all be fucked! You can't keep your dick in your pants for one fucking night!? GOD!"

Itachi opened his mouth to tell his roommate to shut the hell up, but instead shouted then as a beam of light burst into existence in his direction, making his eyes feel as if they might just burn from his very sockets.

"Get that thing out of my face!" He snarled, throwing his arm up and spinning around only to slam into a hard body behind him. He almost fell back out into the hall as he bounced off, but was caught by a pair of strong arms.

"Oh... sorry..." Hidan laughed, his voice sounding closer now. "I think the goddamn wind knocked out the power."

 _"You think?"_ Kakuzu's voice growled, not far behind Hidan.

Itachi was still for a second, hiding almost like a child against Kisame's torso at the sound of Dr. Hoku's voice. Then he let his eyes open, looking up at the man, still holding him. Only there was a giant white blur where his face should have been. He closed them once more, reaching up to rub them as he stepped back from the embrace. Damn it, they were both going to get enough flack already, no reason to encourage it with such actions.

"The door is frozen shut as well, with a good three foot of snow against it." The doctor continued somewhat strained.

The Uchiha sighed inwardly at this, suddenly regretting his decision to try and match the two up. It didn't last but a moment, but he couldn't help the temporary frustration at being interrupted the way he'd been. If he'd just taken the doctor home and outwitted Kisame into letting him into his small house, this same situation might have occurred without all the exhausting altercations. And most importantly of all, without the  _interruptions._

No... no, that would have been bad, remember? Kisame wasn't thinking correctly, he still had the alcohol in his system, however 'sober' he claimed to be. When it came to matters of the flesh, he'd become an insatiable animal, and Itachi his next meal. If things had continued it likely would have once again destroyed all the work he'd put into building their relationship up, once again from a stupid, insignificant moment of weakness.

Kisame still had yet to say anything, and he looked up to regard the man, still somewhat blinded, though not nearly as bad as it had been previously. The black eyes of the gorgeous being stared softly back down at him, though his expression was blank and hard. The Uchiha wasn't sure what to make of this, but his gut wasn't twisting in dread. With nothing else to go off of, he took this as a good sign and decided to let the matter rest on the sidelines until they had the chance to discuss it again. He offered an apologetic smile before sighing out loud this time.

"Perfect..." He said, the double meaning of this going unnoticed.

"My fuckin' thoughts exactly." Hidan said, following it with a wet sniff and a short clearing of his throat. "You had to go bring these shitters home. I was having a good night ya know!?"

"It's not as if I have any more control over the situation as anyone else, Hidan. It's far too early and I've had far too little sleep to listen to such accusation." Itachi snapped at him, not looking away from Kisame just yet.

Hidan lowered the flashlight a little more, scoffing. "Mrowr. S'not my fault your fuck session was interrupted either."

Itachi whirled around at this with a dark glare, making the albino take a step back before the flashlight was snatched from his hands. "Hidan, you know I hate to be so rude to you, but if you wouldn't mind,  _shut your damn mouth."_

He held the glare for a moment before letting his eyes soften, flicking them over to the man standing a few feet behind him. "The cab must not have shown up either, I'm taking it."

Kakuzu only stared back in reply, and Itachi sighed again. Of course it wouldn't show up, he'd never called for one. But that was his little secret now wasn't it? Had to keep up appearances, after all.

He turned back around to face Kisame. "There's another flashlight in my desk, the third drawer down, would you please fetch it?"

The man nodded silently and turned to do as instructed. Itachi then began making his way to the kitchen, giving his roommate a weary, pleading look as he stepped sideways past him. Really, Hidan was as close as a sibling to him, and on most occasions his reckless teasing did the Uchiha no harm. But right now was one of those rare moments where he simply didn't want to hear it. He had not lied when he'd said he had not gotten nearly enough rest to continue dealing with such things.

"I suppose another apology wouldn't be of much use here, would it Doctor?" He said then, pushing that matter aside as well to attend to the one that would certainly be most difficult, and likely to turn on him as well. God knows he'd tested the poor Doctor's patience enough for one night.

"Not at all." He said back immediately, having turned to return to the living room, walking ahead of the Uchiha. "But it seems there would be no help at all for this situation, anyway." He continued in a tired sigh.

Itachi nodded, looking down at the carpet as he moved. Perhaps he felt a little bit guilty now. He'd meant for this to happen, really... but the ever-so-subtle change in the elder man's demeanor, as well as his slightly slouched posture had him considering that maybe... maybe his meddling could have waited. Yes, the opportunities had fallen ever-so-gracefully into his hands to be manipulated as he saw fit. But perhaps that was just the thing of it, maybe they'd not needed manipulated at all.

After all, if they were as meant to be together as it seemed to him, maybe he should have just left it alone...

He may be wise beyond his years... but really, he hadn't been here all that long.

Perhaps being bad wasn't so much fun after all.

 

* * *

 

Hidan watched them move through the hall, turning to regard Itachi's empty doorway in the absolute lack of light. This was  _his_  home too, dammit, and he was going to hold one of the damn flashlights.

He was already in bad spirits. Having Itachi snap at him that way certainly hadn't helped, though in all honesty he couldn't blame the guy. But it wasn't  _his_  fault either! Itachi knew when he was upset he had to take it out on other people or risk getting depressed. And there was no way in hell he was going to let any sort of vulnerability show in front of that old asshole again. Not if he could help it!

God, what had he been thinking? That guy wasn't some normal, average, person. He was Satan. How could he have forgotten that? Just because he fell asleep and seemed so... so...

_Nope, don't even go there Hidan._

Yeah, that topic was best left discarded. Not after those weird thoughts that had popped into his head.

He almost shuddered. Ugh, what was wrong with him to even  _think_  about that guy in anything within a thousand feet  _close_  to a sexual thought? He was like fifty! EW!

A light flashed on in Itachi's bedroom, the sphere of it flinging itself across the walls for a moment before he heard a drawer slide gently shut, and in another moment the giant of a man who's name he'd forgotten  _again_  stepped into the doorway, pausing for a second when he saw Hidan still waiting there.

He smiled deviously at him and held out his hand. "He got you huh? I warned ya, didn't I, Shark-dick?"

He was regarded again by those creepy eyes, made even more demonic in the shadows cast by the flashlight, before a grin broke onto the man's face. And not a happy grin, it was fucking terrifying, though Hidan would never admit.

"If you only knew what we were talking about in there kid... you wouldn't be so cocky." He spun the flashlight around in his hand masterfully, letting it stop so that the handle was extended out toward the much shorter man in front of him.

Hidan grimaced, snatching it from the guys hand. "Yeah, I don't give a fuck about who wants to put it in who's ass. So spare me." With that he turned to move down the hall, still resisting a shudder as he recalled that crazy smirk.

God, His boss was Satan and Itachi was shacking up with a demon.

The world was going to hell.

 

.

 

"No, the breaker box's for all the apartments are outside. If we can't get the door open, there's no way to reach them." Itachi was explaining softly to Kakuzu as Hidan came into the kitchen.

"I can call my landlord, but there's only so much he can do in such terrible weather, either. At the very least he might be able to give us some sort of timeframe..."

Hidan rounded the half-wall made by the kitchen counters that made him think the designer of this place was an idiot for not just putting a bar right there, and came to a stop beside Kakuzu, who was leaning against the counter and massaging his eyes. He did that a lot, Hidan noticed. He wasn't really sure though if it was just some quirk the guy had whenever he was irritated, (which was all the time), or if maybe whatever condition he had that made his eyes red all the time made them hurt too.

He made a face at himself for even thinking of useless shit like that, unnoticed by the other two men, as well as the one that had followed him and now stood beside him with his arms crossed. Damn, it wasn't like he cared whether the old scrooge was in pain or not. In fact he hoped he was! The asshole deserved it anyway!

He tried to sniff again and withdraw the contents leaking from his face, only to find his nose suddenly stuffed completely. He grimaced once more at this. Well damn it all. Now he was going to have to be stuck with these bastards all morning and possibly even the whole day, and be sick on top of it all. It didn't help that his throat felt raw, and his head was starting into a dull ache right behind his eyes, making them feel heavier than usual.

He considered this... he  _could_  just go to bed, surely no one would bother him... It was a perfectly legitimate idea, it would pass the time and make him feel better and maybe these idiots would be gone by the time he woke up.

"Anything we can get is better than guesswork.." Kakuzu sighed, dropping his hands and staring at the floor before seeming to sense Hidan's presence, and looking over to glare at him.

Hidan felt his brows involuntarily crease up. Why was he getting dirty looks? He didn't do anything! If anything this whole mess was more Itachi's fault, fucking crashing his car like an idiot. And they said Hidan was the one unfit to drive, he hadn't even had a damn thing to do with it!

"The sun is going to be coming up soon anyway." The scarred guy finally spoke up, looking at his watch and distracting the Doctor's glare. "They'll have city workers out clearing off the streets, we should just work on  a way out of the apartment, and the streets should at least be decent enough to call the cab company again."

"Tch, what makes you think they won't blow you off again?" Hidan said sullenly, still studying Kakuzu almost in a pout, even as the man's christmas colored eyes landed again on him.

"Because it's actually during the day and they'll be in normal business hours anyway. They were bogged down yesterday what with all the drunks needing rides and the road conditions." Shark-dick explained "Shit, they may have even gotten here and sat outside waiting for an hour. With that wind as bad as it is we wouldn't have been able to hear them honk. And they didn't give us any specific time to be ready and waiting for them."

Hidan finally pulled his eyes away from those of Kakuzu's to glance at his roommate before moving back to that mermaid-wannabe. They flicked immediately back over to Itachi though as he noticed the man staring at him with an almost unnoticeable smirk. He didn't stop staring either, knowing Hidan was looking at him. He raised a brow in silent question, and Itachi only closed his eyes and shook his head, smiling slightly more.

"This is your fault, ya'know." He said, turning to the man beside him now after scowling at the Uchiha for his confusing actions.

"My fault? How?"

"Because, you said we were gonna have a fuckin' sleepover. You jinxed us, forgot to knock on wood."

Kisame let out a small huff of a laugh, "You know... you're probably right about that."

"Don't be ridiculous." Kakuzu spoke up again. "We're having a serious conversation about how to get out of this mess. We don't need your childish comments about superstitious nonsense, Hidan."

The albino's head snapped back around to scowl at his boss now. His fists clenched at his sides, teeth gritting, chest burning. He was about fucking sick of being treated like this by that guy. The idiot kept giving him mixed messages. Itachi told him to behave himself and mind his manners. He was  _trying_  dammit, he was  _trying_  to be nice, and all he got in return was pure, concentrated, unfiltered bullshit.

"You know what, you stupid motherfucker!?" He started, eyes going wide then as he noticed Itachi pushing off the counter, making a ready stance as if Hidan were going to attack someone. He was confused by this for only a millisecond, which only fueled his sudden bonfire of anger before he realized what his roommate must think was coming.

 

Oh damn, that one almost got him too... And still could if he didn't get out of this room before he started ranting against his will again.  _Damn this faulty brain!_

" _What?"_  Kakuzu growled, eyes narrowing.

Hidan ground his teeth, trying to force back the searing pain in his chest, the urge to just release control of his body, to claw and swing and bite at the old bastard like he wanted to. The overwhelming desire to see him bleed, to see and touch and even  _taste_  his blood.

_This isn't you... this is the demons. Right Itachi? That's what you'd say, it's the demons._

His eyes flicked to his best friend at this thought, staring at him unresponsively.

Fuck, dammit. It almost hurt to restrain himself like this.

 _Fight through it Hidan, no one can help you when you're belligerent._  Itachi would say. He  _had_  said, just earlier in fact. Damn, he hated his terrible sense of time. It felt like their little talk had been days ago, though really it had been just hours.

What had brought it on anyway? So Kakuzu had insulted him, big deal. He insulted him all the time,  _everyone_  did.

God, why did that fucking old shitheadkeep bringing out these infuriatingly confusing reactions in him?

"Nothing. You're right." He forced out, shrugging. "I'm an idiot. I'm not helping. You know what, you  _grown-ups_  go ahead and handle this shit. I'm obviously too stupid to understand." He said, surprising himself with the evenness of his voice. He turned and left the room, moving back down the hall after a brief, longing, glance at the loveseat where he always sat.

No, he was going to go to his room, no sense in going to sit on the couch, it may technically be a different room, but they would still be able to see him, and he would be able to hear them. And he didn't want any more part in all of this. He hadn't done anything wrong this time even, and here he was taking all the heat for it...

Well, not all of it... just what his boss kept unleashing on him.

Fucking asshole. If anything this whole fucking mess was  _his_  fault for going out drinking without a ride home in the first place.

Stupid jerk.

He felt a small stab of pain when his roommate didn't come rushing out after him, when  _no one_ did. But it was rationalized almost instantly in his mind simply as the fact that they didn't care. He didn't question this thought, not realizing what it was. They probably wanted him gone. All he did was cause trouble anyway right? Every time he opened his mouth he was being told to shut up, that he was a child, or an idiot.

They were probably right anyway. He  _was_  an idiot. After all, look at what he'd made of his life when given the responsibility of taking care of himself.

He stopped outside his door, unable to stop himself from listening to their hushed conversation, despite his unfair anger at everyone in the house. Except Kakuzu, that anger was perfectly justified.

"Doctor..." Itachi's gentle voice said, even softer than normal. "I understand your frustrations, but Hidan is not at fault for any of this. There's no reason to direct your anger at him, he's only trying to help."

"How is shouting at us and making nonsensical accusations  _helping_?"

"He's just as frustrated as the rest of us, and he seems to have developed a cold, if you hadn't noticed. I'm sure he's exhausted, there's no reason to be upset with him."

"Being sick is no excuse to act like a child."

"And being angry is no excuse to act like a bully, Doctor." Itachi said, his voice hard.

Hidan's brows raised in interest, though his depression had yet to fade.  _Don't defend me Itachi... he's right..._

His poor friend, always having to clean up his messes...

"I won't ask you to go in there and apologize like you very well should for that behavior, because I know you won't do it. If anyone's being childish here it's you. I understand that the circumstances aren't favorable at all, but there's no need to turn on each other like animals. I'm doing my best to manage this but seeing as you are the oldest one here, you should be  _helping_  me, not giving me more of a headache."

He heard a whistle after the Uchiha finished his chiding, assuming it to be that huge guy, seeing as he couldn't see Kakuzu doing such a thing, especially after getting ripped into like that.

Hidan had always had it in his mind that one of these days, when he got himself back up on his own two feet, he would repay his dear friend for everything he'd done for him. And it had never really occurred to him until this moment that such a hope was impossible.

And instead of depressing him even further, this thought actually made him smile. Their friendship was so much more than little favors they did for each other, lending a room and a roof over their head, providing food and offering money when it was needed. Those things were all just a side-effect of the real basis of their relationship.

The understood each other, somehow. Both of them being Kindred, tortured souls in this world. Hidan had always been comforted with the fact that he knew Itachi would always have his back... Those days after they'd been separated that first time, damn, his life had gone down the shitter pretty quick.

Mutual trust, mutual understanding, love. Platonic, but unending love.

He considered this, no longer paying attention to the conversation in the other room, or Itachi's irritated voice going on and on about whatever it was to a silent Kakuzu.

What would happen if he  _did_  get back up on his feet, if he moved out and tried to make a second go of governing his own life? Maybe it would be better this time, he'd still have Itachi after all...

But... but Itachi had Shark-dick now...

And Hidan had... no one...

He closed his eyes and sighed heavily, opening the door to his room and stepping inside. Maybe a bit of sleep wouldn't be so bad. His head was starting to get a little crowded, as was his home. Surely with all these people unable to leave, he wouldn't be tortured by loneliness. Even if one of them hated his guts...

He shut the door behind him, staring at his little futon bed in uncertainty. Maybe he  _should_  go back out and sit on the couch...

No... not after just walking away like that. They'd think he was an idiot.

But they already thought that... and besides, why did he care what that old asshole thought?

He almost actually  _wanted_ to go to sleep, to save himself the frustration of trying to organize these annoying goddamn thoughts in his head, buzzing around like bee's in a beehive. Each of them there for a reason, doing it's job, but as a whole they were nothing but a mass of noise and perceived confusion.

But... there it was again, that distant little ache in the back of his chest. Like someone tugging on his sleeve, or a ribbon tied around his finger, trying to pass some sort of message on that he was too dense to understand.

He didn't want to sleep, damn the cold, damn the mood swings. Sleeping had not solved his problems before, had not provided escape before, and it wouldn't now. He needed something else. A much better idea occurred to him suddenly anyway. Itachi had said he needed hobbies. So what were a few things he'd always wanted to take up, but never gotten around too?

He'd always wanted a motorcycle. Yeah, he would look like a fucking badass on a motorcycle. He wasn't really a big guy, fit, obviously, but not outstandingly strong. In fact his body was a little more on the lean side, as much as he tried to beef himself up. Having a fucking hog underneath him would solve that problem. No one fucked with bikers. No one in their right minds, at least.

However, seeing as his license was still suspended for another year or so, that was out of the question. Plus, those things were fucking expensive, and making minimum wage at the clinic surely wouldn't pay for it. And also, where the fucking hell would he keep it? Itachi's little porch was only like Six by Five foot, not to mention he was up on the second floor, so there was a goddamn flight of stairs there to totally wipe that thought from his mind...

So no, a motorcycle would simply not work out.

What other things had he wanted to try? What else could he see himself doing?

Something to distract himself with, something that would maybe help him get through these confusing moments, help him channel his anger and depression and confusion into something that wouldn't make him end up in the hospital, or in handcuffs.

Hm... There was that one kinda girly thing... But shit, plenty of guys did it, and make good fucking money if they were good enough too!

He smiled then, from ear to ear.

Yessss, yes, that was it, that was perfect. Oh he could  _totally_  see himself doing that...

Hm... but first he had to get some money. And he sure as shit wasn't going to go beg Itachi for any. Which meant he had no choice but to wait until payday. Hmm... oh well... he could do it. He couldn't be patient about it, but he could still do it.

Yeah! Goals! Itachi AND that guy he talked to at ABHC had both told him he needed some of those. Aspirations, things to work toward. Shit, he wouldn't credit that pineapple-headed fuck with anything, but Itachi usually knew what he was talking about. So if Hobbies is what he needed, it was a hobby he would get.

 

* * *

 

Kisame watched back and forth in giddy excitement as Itachi gave his old friend a through tongue-lashing.  _Damn_  he loved it when Itachi got like this, it was so far beyond entertaining, and having Kakuzu be the target? Oh, it didn't get any sweeter.

He couldn't stop his eyes from roaming the slender man's body, once again leaning back, relaxed against the counter, despite how his voice implied that he wanted to smack the shit out of the oldest of the three. He'd been watching the Uchiha carefully since he first stepped foot into the kitchen, letting his gaze part only momentarily to flick over to Kakuzu when he spoke, or the Kid when he was spoken to. He'd seen the instantaneous shift in Itachi's mood when Kakuzu had snapped at Hidan. He'd seen the almost invisible quirk of his lips before that, as the Uchiha studied the two interacting with each other, he'd seen the wordless conversation he'd exchanged with his roommate.

And despite himself, despite the small part of him that was still slightly disturbed about it, he couldn't stop feeling absolutely captivated by the young man. Everything he did, every movement he made, he could see the cogs turning in that brilliant little mind with every shift seen only in his eyes. His chest ached with affection just standing here observing him.

And that kiss...

 _Wow_... that kiss.

Dealbreaker indeed.

There was no denying it now, not one single inch of him even attempted to deny what he knew would inevitably happen. What had  _already_  happened.

Itachi was his. It was already said and done.

He was also overjoyed to be over that torturous confusion. Damn he hated being unsure of himself, he didn't know how people could live like that. Always making guesses, leaps of faith, hoping to god their decisions wouldn't turn around to bite them in the ass. There was nothing more infuriating.

But now, every part of his mind was in agreement once again, he had no doubts, there was no arguing, no confliction between his heart and his head.

He was back. Thank God.

It certainly would be a little bit awkward getting used to having a man, with man genetalia, beneath him like that though. The flatness of his chest really was what had broken him from his animalistic stupor back there in the bedroom, as well as feeling that unexpected hardness pressed against his thigh. It had definitely threw his sex-driven mind off a bit, but that was okay. It was something new, and though that had somewhat disgusted and humiliated him before, he was okay with it now. And if anything, it only excited him more. Something  _new,_  not the same old cat and mouse chase...

And damn... that kiss... just... just  _damn_.

"Well, you keep on believing that little fairytale then, Doctor. But you are in  _my_  house, and I expect you to respect my wishes. I've told Hidan to behave, and I'd like you to as well, though I didn't think I'd have to be reduced to reminding you to do so."

"I'm not here by any will of my own, boy."

"I understand that, but if you wish to be treated with respect then you must first treat other's with it." Itachi said, pulling his phone from his pocket. Kisame had to struggle not to burst out laughing at this, and then had to actually slap his hand over his mouth to continue restraining the laughter at the shocked expression on Kakuzu's face.

Oh Itachi, you genius little weasel.

That was one of his old friends favorite sayings, and here it had just been used against him. God, he wanted some popcorn! This was too great!

"I'm going to call my landlord, and then the cab company again, and then I'm going to go check on Hidan. You really  _should_  apologize, and be grateful to him as well. I don't now if you noticed but he was about to come unglued again. Frankly I'm torn between pride at his sudden self-restraint and disappointment that he found the strength to keep himself in check when you so clearly deserved his wrath."

"He is a grown man, Mister Uchiha! I'm not going to apologize for hurting his feelings."

"I'm aware of that. Perhaps I was wrong about you after all." Itachi replied lowly, leaving the comment dangling in the air to be interpreted any way the elder man saw fit, then pushing past both of his guests, pausing only long enough to hand the flashlight to Kisame, seeing as Hidan had taken his with him, before disappearing without a sound into the darkness of the house.

The two men stood in awkward silence for awhile, Kakuzu scowling at the refridgerator, seemingly in thought, and Kisame still restraining the chuckle that tugged at him.

"Bloody children." Kakuzu grumbled, making his slightly taller friend finally let out a small laugh.

"That... That was kind of hilarious Kakuzu, not gonna lie."

"Shut up, Kisame."

"I told you he was a bitch when you set him off..."

"I said shut  _up_."

"Alright." He said, looking around the kitchen absently. "Eh.. Want more coffee? Sounds good right?" He said, spotting the empty pot. "I don't think he'd care if we made more. It's only a quarter 'til six anyway."

Kakuzu only grunted in response, and Kisame grinned again, handing the flashlight out to him. "Hold that so I can see hm?"

The older man took it without speaking, and Kisame stepped over to the machine, opening the top to pull out the old filter and grounds. As he turned to look for a trashcan, and spotted Kakuzu still staring distantly, something occurred to him.

He mulled it over in his head as he crouched to open the cabinet under the sink, making a satisfactory noise when he found what he was seeking in it. He tossed in the bundle, shut the cabinet, and then started looking through the cupboards above the coffee pot for more supplies.

Itachi was right about one thing, he realized. Kakuzu didn't care about anyone, Except maybe Kisame himself in some sort of hard-to-see way. Obviously he was fond enough to keep up the friendship. But Kisame realized now that the man didn't have  _any_  other friends at all. Not one that he could recall. And before this whole disaster had started, their friendship had been pretty well just a small smouldering thing. A puny little excuse for a friendship, only fed just enough fuel to keep in alive, starving and emaciated, but alive.

That was another thing he could haphazardly thank Itachi for. Kisame didn't have any other friends but for these two men either, and to lose Kakuzu, as hard and unrefined as he was around the edges, would really be a bummer. He hadn't realized how much he missed the old man until they'd both been drunk at the bar, throwing insults and fists at each other just like in the old days. He'd missed his hard truths, his brutal honesty. Itachi was great, and not afraid to tell it like it was. But he was so gentle with his words. Sometimes it was all a man needed to be called an idiot and told to grow a pair, you know?

And it had been nice seeing the guy loosen up, finally. He was still capable of relaxing, being happy. At least he was when they weren't around the kid, or talking about the kid, or  _thinking_ about the kid.

He grinned again, filling the back of the machine with water absently.

Yeah, Itachi was  _definitely_  right about one thing. Kakuzu certainly had  _something_  for that loud-mouth albino. It looked to him like nothing more than searing hatred, but then again he wasn't a mind-reader like the Uchiha. And he certainly couldn't argue with that fact that Kakuzu seemed to have some sort of angry shield around himself whenever Hidan was around. He may be an ass, but he was usually reasonable. Just now when Itachi had been tearing into him, he'd been completely resilient, refusing to admit that maybe he'd been at least a  _little_  out-of-line.

He'd never seen the man be so stubbornly childish...

And this of course could only lead him to the same conclusion as his young friend-er... his young...  _boy_ friend..

Wow that sounded weird, even in his head.

 

Anyway, now that he could finally see how Itachi was connecting the dots the way he did. He supposed he could only be further on board with this whole plot,  _especially_  after that moment he'd had with the Uchiha back in the bedroom.

Really, he felt terrible for poor Kakuzu, not experiencing such an amazing feeling or even a fraction of it in God-only-knows-how-long.

And this could only result in one thing. He had to keep up his end of the bargain whenever possible. And since they were alone here in the kitchen, out of earshot with the kid or Itachi, maybe Kakuzu would open up juuuuust enough for him to get a few chunks out of that hard exterior.

He put the pot back in it's place and pushed the power button, turning around then and leaning back against the counter as the machine bubbled to life.

"Sooo..." He said, trying his damndest to keep his face serious. "Why  _are_  you so mad at the kid? Itachi's right, he had nothing to do with this whole mess."

Kakuzu's eyes snapped up to him, his usual glare in place. "Don't you go defending that idiot too. Just because he sticks out his lower lip and pouts doesn't mean you have to jump to his defense. He is a  _grown man._ "

"Yeah, you said that already, Kakuzu, old pal." Kisame laughed, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm not defending him. I mean, you didn't see me jumping in there before did you?"

Kakuzu only growled.

"Itachi's back in his room and the kid's out of earshot... I was just curious, you know. I mean, you can't tell me you haven't been a little tense since you got around him. What's the deal?"

"I believe I already have given you plenty of explanation as to my feelings toward him."

"Yeah I know, he's loud and annoying and kind of dense. But, I don't think he's that bad. Kind of reminds me of me, ya know? Remember those days?"

"All too clearly. There's no words to describe the relief I felt when you finally grew up."

"Oh come on. You can't tell me I'm all that mature now. I still laugh at farts."

"Yes, but at least you're not the one  _making_  the sounds anymore."

He sighed, rolling his eyes. How the hell did Itachi do this kind of thing with random strangers all the time? He couldn't even find weak points on a guy he'd known for years and years.

"Well he's still young, you know. He'll get the picture one of these days just like I did."

"You were never that childish, Kisame. When you had a problem you dealt with it like a man."

"So that's the problem? You don't like how he reacts to being insulted?"

"Well he certainly could take it better. Usually he just yells even louder. But now he throws this hissy fit, and everyone comes rushing to his aid like some little boy who hurt himself on the playground. His damn mood swings are exhausting." Kakuzu said, sighing afterward.

Kisame's smirk grew wider at this. Ahah,  _now_  they were getting somewhere.

"Kakuzu, buddy..." He said, faking discontent to cover up his entertainment. "C'mon, we both saw all the mental shit he's got wrong with him. I know you haven't dealt with a lot of people like that, but I get headcases coming to me alllll the time, looking for work. There's a  _reason_  employers don't like to hire them. They're unpredictable, unstable. Doesn't mean they're not still people. If you'd met some of the people I met with the same problems as him, you'd probably see him in a whole new light. He's  _ridiculously_  normal compared to all the others."

Kakuzu met his eyes, squinting his own in suspicious curiosity.

Inwardly doing a victory dance, Kisame continued. "Usually right off the bat you look at these people and you can just  _feel_  that something's not right about them. And some of them are damn good at pretending to be an average person, Kakuzu. Damn good. But it's their eyes, you know. This kid isn't crazy, I don't think. " He said, a little surprised about the conclusions he, himself, was coming too now that he was thinking out loud. "Again, referring to his file. I did more digging you know, after you gave me that call. The kid's parents died when he was three. Both of them murdered in a breaking and entering while he was sound asleep over in Detroit. He's been passed around like a damn hot potato from state to state, foster home to foster home from then until he was eighteen. Most kids that young eventually get adopted, find a permanent home. But he never did. I'm not some master of the human mind-workings like Itachi there, but I can only guess that that was probably a pretty shitty way to grow up. For as normal as he comes off, he didn't have a very normal life."

He stopped now, having exhausted himself with making all those observations. He briefly wondered why all this information was only just now sinking in, but then again he'd only just come across the guy's history before Itachi dropped by for lunch and his mind had been temporarily blown to tiny little pieces.

 _"I've told you how dear to me Hidan is, Kisame."_  Itachi's voice rang in his head. It made a little more sense now, Why the Uchiha was so taken by the kid. Aside from their history in highschool, which he'd only ever heard the bare minimum about, Hidan kind of  _was_  a unique case.

"I thought you said you  _weren't_  defending him." Kakuzu's gruff voice suddenly said, breaking him from his musings.

"I'm not man. You know I'm on your side, I'm just trying to give you a better view of the situation, you know. After all, I don't think I would withstand you and Itachi going at each other again like that. Not without recording it and keeping it for my own entertainment, at least." He said, grinning.

"Hm. Well..." The elder man replied, apparently lost in thought.

Once more Kisame let the corner of his mouth crook up. Hah, he'd gotten through to the guy. Fuck yeah! He could do this manipulative psychoanalyzing stuff too. Just wait until he told Itachi! He'd probably be so proud of him he'd-

"I still refuse to apologize." He concluded, making Kisame nod in response.

"Of course. But you can lay off him, you know. I mean, we  _are_  all stuck in here together. Even if we can't get along, we can at least keep the peace." He shrugged a single shoulder as he spoke, arms still crossed. They all  _needed_  to get along, and not just for the obvious reasons either. If the Uchiha was forced to keep having his attention drawn away from Kisame, well, then, no more Mister nice Hoshigaki.

Kakuzu grunted, eyes focusing in on the coffee machine as it let out the bubbling reminder that it was nearly done with it's brew. "I know hell has frozen over when  _you're_  the voice of reason, Kisame."

"Ouch. That's hurts me Kakuzu."

"Good. Consider yourself my new target."

"Bah, I'm used to it. So let'er rip."

"Brace yourself then, and get out of the way. I need more of that."

"You got it boss." Kisame said, laughing in his head as this comment caused the older man to hesitate in his current action. He made a mental note to have another chat with the kid about things he could say to the grumpy old man, seeing as his advice had been so successful at bugging the shit out of him the first time.

Oh friendship, how wonderfully complicated it was.

This was going to be an interesting day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Itachi is such a badass that apparently he has a battery powered coffee maker.  
> I must have been extremely distracted/tired to write basically this whole story and never realize that huge mistake Haha.   
> But its too funny to change so, yeah its battery powered. xD


	9. Chapter 9

Kakuzu sighed, angry... as he always was.

Angry at the Uchiha brat for going off on him like that.

Yeah, sure, the first time it had been somewhat amusing and impressive. But he had also been in his own clinic, his kingdom, as well as fully rested and able to think straight. Whereas here, Itachi, this boy young enough to be his son, is the iron-fisted ruler in this awful land of discomfort and constant irritation.

How did this awful night even come to fruition!? How could he make so many bad decisions in a row? Bloody hell, he'd not done something so stupid since his college days.

He was angry with Kisame as well. If that dult thought Kakuzu couldn't see right through him then, well... well actually that was basically his normal oblivious friend just being himself. But it still pissed the Doctor off!

They were all on some team against him here! Kisame started this whole thing by tricking him into hiring that albino disaster, and that damned Uchiha had snaked his way in and used his manipulative, conniving mind along with his gender-confused body to trick his old friend into doing his bidding all for the promise of sex.

And now the only other reasonable adults other than himself in this equation were teaming up to get him to come to the dark side. The side where that insufferable mental trainwreck of an idiot was somehow a shining beacon of hope for humanity.

And Hidan! He was most angry with Hidan. He was always angry with Hidan. He couldn't understand what universe he had somehow been transported to that he was being mocked for hating the boy. Really, it wasn't his fault even. That child was the living incarnate of everything Kakuzu hated, bundled into some little non-threatening human form, and decked out with sex-appeal as if it would trick him into walking into that delusion willingly.

And now, now that he had the basics of a background on the boy, he hated him even more.

He hated him, and pitied him, and that made him hate him even more. Where the hell did kids these days get off acting like the weight of the world is on their shoulders just because they've had a few setbacks in their short lifetimes? He was alive, wasn't he? He was healthy, still young with all the promise in the world ahead of him. He had at least one damn good friend who would apparently cross any lines necessary to do what he seems to think best for the boy.

Why, when Kakuzu was that age, you either dealt with it and lived your life, or you didn't, and you killed yourself and ended the whole blasted thing. There was no switching back and forth between 'functioning' and 'broken'. No ridiculous dance between victim and instigator. You wanted control of your life, you took it. End of story.

_That_  was what would be best for Hidan. Not this gentle, unabrasive coddling.  _That_  was probably what was holding him back in the first place. All the mixed messages and flashing lights pointing in all different directions.

The world was not going to baby him, and neither was Dr. Hoku.

He knew for a fact that the kid was capable of doing pretty impressive things when he was actually determined to do it, and standing up for himself, that wasn't an issue either. He obviously had no problem with worrying about others' opinions and judgements. And oftentimes that was the hardest bump to get over. His problem now was that he had  _too_ much of that, to the point where he simply didn't care about anything.

Kakuzu had managed to drive the boys determination behind doing a good job at work through nothing more than an even balance of support (albeit it hard to see) and degradation.

_Yes, I'm here for you if you fall, but I'll make you wish you were never fucking born if you do, you insolent little brat._

Yes, that was what Hidan needed. Not a bully, not an authority figure; a goddamn motivator, something to fear, and therefore push him into caring about his own well-being.

Itachi would be the one apologizing then, bowing before the greatness that is Kakuzu Hoku for transforming Hidan from idiotic boy to mature, rational man.

 

He blinked at this.

  


Okay, he was  _definitely_  getting a little too sleep deprived here.

He shifted in his position on the loveseat pressed to the wall, just under the window, catching the attention of Kisame, slouching comfortably in the adjacent loveseat that Hidan seemed to favor.

"Oh damn, I thought maybe you fell asleep with your eyes open there for a second. You were creeping me out."

Kakuzu grunted, bringing a hand up to rub his eyes, "If I  _had_  been blessed with a moment of sleep, you would have just woken me and suffered the terrible consequences."

This received only a chuckle in response, followed by a dramatic sigh after exactly three seconds of silence.

"They must really be having a heart to heart in there..."

Kakuzu snorted, pulling the ponytail from his hair to run his fingers over his scalp. "They can both stay in there until this damned door thaws for all I care. I haven't had a better time since we arrived than just sitting here in the quiet dark."

This much was true, it was indescribably peaceful, sitting here with only the one dim little light in the center of the room. Both of their coffee mugs lay abandoned on the coffee table, having been drained, refilled, and drained again. Damned defective caffeine, Kakuzu still felt as if he might just pass out if he relaxed like his friend for even a second.

"Hm." Kisame said, expression thoughtful as he looked away from the elder to instead focus on the flashlight also resting on the coffee table, standing up like a lantern to cast it's dull, yellow, glowing circle up on the ceiling. "It can't be that bad. I didn't hear him shouting or anything until the lights went out."

"And I doubt you were even paying attention anyway. Tell me, did he really just want to have a chat? Or would you say the brat's warnings were suitable for the occasion?"

The scarred man grinned in the dim light, not moving his gaze an inch. "You're teasing me, Kakuzu Hoku? Shit, maybe you  _have_  been around the kid too long."

"Make another comment like that and it will be the last thing you do, Hoshigaki."

"There you go, that's more like you. The grumpy old Doctor."

"Well really. We've got nothing in common."

"You don't think so? Not even a little?" Kisame said, brow raised in interest as he shifted his position to where he was reclined on the corner of the couch, arms draped across the arm and headrest and facing Kakuzu.

"If you're referring to my home life as a boy then you're an idiot. The situations were completely different." Kakuzu growled back, glaring as usual. He had immediately predicted Kisame eventually trying to make some ridiculous comparison like this the second he'd told the doctor about Hidan's unfortunate past. It was the main reason he had simply stopped talking about it back in the kitchen. It could be described as somewhat of a sensitive subject to the Doctor, who was supposedly an unemotional robot. He was already in a horrible enough mood, the last thing he needed was a blast to his past to make things worse. He did not need to look back, he did not need to regret. Regretting only cluttered things,  _affection,_  only cluttered things.

"Yeah, there's no denying that." The scarred man clicked his tongue after a moment of silence, tipping his head slightly. "But it's more comparable than, to say; my life. Hell, my folks are both still alive over in Florida. Last I heard they were gonna go try and buy back Great-Aunt Adema's house out in the Caribbean sea and move there. 'Get back to their roots,' they say. Hah, they take this ancestry thing too far if you ask me..."

"My mother's death is not similar to his parents' at all, Kisame. I would appreciate it if you'd stop implying so." The elder ground out, ignoring the man's information vomit. Kisame was a good friend and all, but really, he'd only met his parents once a very long time ago. He couldn't care less about their plans or whereabouts.

"I'm not saying that, Kakuzu. Quit being so sensitive. All I'm trying to get at is; He has no family, you have no family. It's not a competition, you two are just more alike than ya think."

"Well keep such thoughts to yourself. I don't share your opinion." He said back immediately, mainly for the fact that he'd been close to thinking somewhat of the same thing only minutes ago.

He was a shining example of how to properly handle stressful situations, now wasn't he?

Kakuzu Hoku did not think himself perfect, but he was a far-cry better than most idiots he was forced to deal with on a daily basis. He had complete and utter control over himself and his life, he lived with no regrets because he did not allow himself to make mistakes, and when he did make mistakes he forced them into his plans until they were no longer that.

At least... he had up until recently. Until that damnable  _Hidan San_ had come into his life. Damn him.

Being an emotionless asshole had always,  _always_  been a fine solution to every situation, his tunnel vision centered as it was on his simple goal had never steered him wrong before. Perhaps he'd had somewhat of a self-sheltered life all these years, but that was fine. It served it's purpose, kept him out of trouble and troublesome situations.

And being here where he was, well, once again, a perfect example. He could still be home now, doing as he pleased in a comfortable setting instead of fighting the urge to kick out the window and escape this hellhole if only he hadn't let himself be concerned for Kisame. If only he had said 'No. I will not drink with you,' then everything would be as it should.

  


He blinked back to awareness again.

  


What was he doing? Was he sitting here nulling over the past? Regretting his actions?  _Pitying_  himself?

Good God what had he been reduced to!?

"Well... it's not like I'm telling you to be best friends with the guy." Kisame finally continued. "Just trying to help you out. I mean, you can't possibly enjoy sitting there pissed off constantly can you?"

"I'm always pissed off, Kisame. It's my nature. Just as you are always too damn jovial." He said wearily. Rest, he just wanted some rest... that was all... peace and quiet and rest.

"That's not true. Don't think I wasn't still paying attention back at the bar just cause I was freaking out. You were laughing your ass off, having a hell of a time. I know you're capable of being happy and having fun. What I  _don't_  get is why you act like it's such a bad thing. Do you remember what you said to me last night?" Kisame had sat forward in his seat as he got rolling, expression growing stern.

"I said many things to you last night-"

"You told me that I'm just a decade away from half my life be nothing but memories. Well guess what Kakuzu, you have 4 years until then."

"I'm aware of my own age, Kisame." He growled. The man was persistent though, leaning forward even more now.

"Then what the hell is your problem? You can dish out great advice, but you can't live by it?" He scooted himself toward the older man, leaning over and propping himself on his thighs. "I don't have any double meanings for any of this, old friend. It's as simple as I can make it. You. Are. A miserable, grumpy old man. And you know why? You won't let yourself be happy, you can't let yourself relax. You know why the kid pisses you off so much? Because he's so  _different._ Went through the same emotional trauma as you, but didn't come to the same conclusions..."

Kakuzu's face was contorted into a deep scowl now. He had to work mercilessly at keeping his breathing even and keep himself seated, or else he might just stand up and knock the shit out of his 'friend'. How dare he sit there and make such accusations! Making it seem as if Kakuzu were jealous of Hidan. HAH! Of all the moronic things that had ever come out of that man's mouth, that had to be the most rediculous.

"He did  _not_  experience the same trauma." He said, so low that it was almost a hum. Kisame swallowed heavily all the sudden.

"If what you say was correct, he was far to young to even remember his parents, let alone have to bury them. He was not abandoned by his worthless piece of shit father in favor of jumping across the border to drink and smoke his life away, leaving nothing for his sick wife and child to live on. He did not have to watch his mother slowly deteriorate into a bag of bones until she begged for death to hurry and claim her, he didn't have to care for her like some cripple while she simply gave in to her fate instead of fighting for the child who needed her. He may have had the unfortunate experience of never being adopted, but he was not thrust into that deplorable system suddenly and without warning as a teenager. He grew up in it, Kisame. He suffered no trauma. Depression and loneliness perhaps, but not  _trauma."_

He had not moved at all through the whole speech, only glared searing hatred toward Kisame, sitting there looking like some child being told a ghost story.

"He may have never received a parents love because he didn't have parents, but at least he was spared from having parents that didn't care. From having people all around him that  _should_  care, and for whatever reason, didn't. He was ignored by strangers. I was ignored by  _family._  Why am I such a closed off, grouchy, negative person? You tell me. How you can possibly compare that brat's history and mine is far beyond me.  _Shitty life_ , my ass. There are plenty of other's who would love to have the good fortune he did." He said now, leaning forward as his oceanic friend had done earlier. "And unless you want to see a very, very ugly side of my temper, I suggest you stop bringing that particular subject up, and end this conversation here."

The two men sat motionless, locked in a staring contest, before Kisame's mouth finally dropped open, no words escaping for the first few seconds. "Kakuzu, I didn't mean to go that far. I know your personality, I've never had a problem with it, because I knew why you did it. The only thing I was trying to say..." He trailed off, as if forgetting his train of thought.

"By all means, Hoshigaki, enlighten me." Kakuzu said, terrifyingly calm and gentle.

"I... I mean... I just worry about you sometimes. You deserve to be happy too, y'know? If you weren't so negative and mean all the time, you'd have a better chance of that."

The doctor put his fingers together in a pyramid now. "What makes you think I'm so unhappy? If I had a problem with my lifestyle then I would change it. Just because I pursue real, tangible things instead of some fleeting emotion does not mean I'm miserable. Perhaps you should just mind your own business from now on, we got along so much better when you did."

Kisame had relaxed once again, staring at his friend with pity now. He gave him a heavy sigh, wiped his hand briefly over his face, and flopped back onto the couch in his previous relaxed position. "Whatever you say, ya stubborn old coot. You know I think I'm the only normal person in this house."

Kakuzu actually allowed himself to smirk at this. It was a small boost to his ego, The scarred man wasn't bending to his will, or back on his side, but at least he was put back in his place.

He could appreciate what Kisame thought he was trying to do, but just because of this one horrible night, it didn't mean he suddenly needed to go through some mid-life crises and change his ways.

Being miserable and alone had never bothered him before, and still didn't. There was only one thing fouling up his life right now.

Just Hidan, only Hidan. That insufferable brat. He was the one who'd thrown everything off, and once he set this problem straight, thing's could get back on track.

His duty now was obvious, he had to fix the boy.

_Touché Karma._

And surely once he did he could simply return to his previous lifestyle.

That made sense, surely that made sense. That wasn't just his desperate attempt to make sense of things in his tired, foggy mind.

"You're far from sane, Kisame. Look at the crowd you run with, after all." He said wearily, waving weakly at him as he tried desperately not to nod off.

Kisame barked out a laugh that sounded like some mixture between a dog and a donkey. "See!? That's the Kakuzu I like to chill with!"

He fought through his own quivering lips at this, doing his best to keep a straight face. He failed, in the end, giving his friend a smirk, and receiving one in return.

"Shut up Kisame." He muttered, leaning his head back and letting his heavy eyes fall shut.

  


* * *

  


Hidan lay on his stomach across his futon bed, the blankets and sheets thrown from the furniture and draped across the floor, flashlight perched on the mattress corner pressed into the wall, bright halogen light shining up onto the ceiling and showering the small room with it.

His two pillows, which he rarely actually used for sleeping on the occasions that he did sleep, were stuffed under his chest to keep himself propped up easier on his elbows.

He tapped his pen against his lips in thought, looking down at his chickenscratch handwriting on his tattered notebook. It was a checklist, though usually this pad served more as a journal, where he scribbled down furiously his maelstrom of thoughts before they consumed him completely. It was something Itachi constantly suggested he do, something he constantly informed his roommate was a 'pussy-ass' coping method, but it was something he'd been secretly doing long before he'd returned to this town.

So he had some kind of man-diary, who cares, right?

Unfortunately, he did. He didn't want to care, but it was embarrassing. He already lost control of himself on occasions and blurted out embarrassing secrets and shames about himself. The last thing he wanted was some of the things written in this book to be seen by anyone elses eyes.

It always helped to go back and read through it in his calmer moments, helped him understand things about himself, conclusions he'd come to during these episodes that he later forgot about when in a clearer state of mind. Really, some of the things he thought about in those delerious moments were fucking brilliant, other's; dark and morbid and somewhat disturbing. But it was the brilliant observations he usually paid attention to.

And that's why he thought his idea for a hobby would work out perfectly. Finally he could have a legitimate reason to share these strange theories and resolutions with people without having to randomly declare it aloud, only to be questioned as to how he'd come to have the thought in the first place. Why the hell he hadn't thought of it sooner was something he didn't bother investigating. Because the only answer there would be something akin to his stupidity.

The only problems here is that it would take a long fucking time to learn, and he didn't want to hear  _anyone's_  snarky fucking comments about it until he could blow them all away with his genius.

He'd never be called an idiot again.

But, this meant a lot of sneaking around, a lot of secret-keeping, and a lot of little-white-lies. And that made his gut tighten.

He could lie like a pro, when he wanted. He could bullshit anyone to Oz and back, but only on a short-term basis. The length being determined completely by how long it took for him to have another meltdown and spew out all the truths he'd been hiding away in order to ease his stressed mind.

Hidan didn't think of himself as a liar, really. Which was just about the only negative thing about himself he didn't believe. And that was ironic because sometimes he lied about things that there wasn't even any point in lying about, he didn't know why, but for some reason felt himself justified to do so.

Just another one of those demons, he supposed...

The part of this plan that irritated him wasn't so much the lying, it was the lieing to  _Itachi_  that scared him. That damn Uchiha had fucking x-ray vision when it came to him, usually. And just like what Kakuzu had said to him on Friday,  _he did not like being lied to._

Hidan could understand the concept of being told such untruths making one feel as if the propagator of the farce were insulting ones intelligence, and maybe in most situations that was true. But the pale man scribbling away on his bed liked to think his intentions nothing like that. He rarely thought of anyone else as stupid, it was normally the opposite, actually. Most of his little lies were spoken mainly for the point of avoiding having to explain some truth that might be misinterpreted. So he didn't like having to explain shit, big deal!

And besides, a 5 second lie saved him a whole entire conversation/argument that he didn't have the energy or patience to take part in.

And that's exactly what these would be. He didn't want to hear feedback on his own personal hobbies, it was no one's business what he busied himself with, not even his roommate, even if they  _did_ share pretty much everything like a couple of girls, even if Itachi  _would_ probably find out anyway.

And to avoid having to listen to these unwanted opinions and comments, he would simply deny the existence of the hobby in the first place.

Such an excruciatingly long and detailed way of doing things, but that was the sort of thing that made sense in that crowded head of his.

He blinked, pulling the pen from his lips to scribble down one more item on the checklist before a knock sounded on his door, making his heart jump up into his throat.

He flailed off the bed, successfully knocking his pillows to the floor with the blankets as he quickly shoved the notebook under his mattress and dove back onto the padded surface, rolling to his back and folding his arms behind his head as he stared at the ceiling, letting his features fall blank.

"Hidan..." Itachi's voice said quietly.

He didn't bother answering, seeing as the guy would just let himself in anyway, and he was also supposed to be in a bad mood too, he remembered. He'd made that stupid, immature little scene and left the room.

Ugh, God he hated himself sometimes.

Sure enough, the doorknob twisted and the door itself slid quietly open. The zealot didn't move his pigment-less gaze from the speck on the ceiling he was locked on, nor did he bother saying anything. More out of embarrassment now than the stubborn anger it most likely came off as.

"Hidan... look at this room..." Itachi sighed, though not sounding angry. He bent over to gather up his roommates bedding, tossing it back to the corner of the bed.

"It get's too fuckin' hot with all that shit." Hidan said, still not looking at him.

"I can understand the blankets and maybe the pillows, but do you really have to strip off the sheets?"

"Yes. They're constricting. I hate them."

Itachi regarded him in silence for a moment before sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"You  _do_  realize I'm not your mother."

"You sure fuckin' act like one." He said back right away, finally letting his eyes fall to meet those of his best friend.

"It's not my fault if I prefer a place to be kept tidy."

"And I like it messy."

"You just don't like cleaning."

"Nope."

Again a small length of silence stretched between them. "I'm sorry Hidan. Perhaps I made a mistake in bringing them here... I had no other choice-"

"You always have a choice." The albino interrupted, pushing the upper half of his body up to prop it on his elbows. "Isn't that what you always say?"

"Don't be sore with me. I already set the Doctor straight. But he's not completely to blame. You haven't made this night easy for him..."

" _WHAT?_ Shut the fuck up I've been  _so_  good!" Hidan said, just below a shout only for the fact that his voice was suddenly a little hoarse. "I even tried having a conversation with the bastard while you two were back there doing it. Just like you tell me, I asked him something about himself, I  _engaged_  him. He just called me stupid and said he wanted to break my neck!"

Itachi's perfect brows shot up at this. "I hardly think he said that Hidan, you're exaggerating."

"Uh,  _no_. I'm not. I asked him about his eyes and he asked me why my hair is white and I said I'm an albino and he kept dodging the question so I tried to fucking clarify myself and he asked if I had a brain and I asked if he wanted to crack open my skull and make sure and he said 'I'd like to break your neck too.'" He explained, puffing out his chest and making a face while doing a horrible impression of Kakuzu's deep voice.

Itachi's mouth crooked up at this. "Well you goaded him into that one. It's not like he adores you like you do him."

Hidan stared back incredulously. "Are you fucking high Uchiha? Or do my words just sound like dolphins squeaks to you? I  _hate_ him. Hate. Not love. Not  _like_. Not even fucking respect. Just pure, simple hate."

"Hn, you keep saying that. I can't help but feel like you're trying to convince yourself more than me." The raven-haired man replied nonchalantly, turning away from his friend and pretending to examine his nails.

Hidan's mouth opened wide as he took in a breath to argue in a louder volume, but he stopped himself, letting his jaw clamp shut. He angrily dropped his forearm across his stuffed nose, eyes squinting in irritation.

Stupid Itachi with your stupid mind games and your stupid...STUPIDITY!

He wasn't falling for it this time.

"What the hell do you want anyway? Shouldn't you be seducing Shark-dick out there or something?" He grumbled, throwing himself to his previous position.

The slightly younger man only rolled his eyes, ignoring the question as he replied. "I came to make sure you were okay-"

"Well, I'm fine. So go away."

"-because you've been having such a hard time since you got that job." He continued, not acknowledging the interruption.

"Again, 'Tachi. You're not my mommy."

"No. But I am your friend and I'm not going to let you sulk in your room because your crush isn't being nice to you."

Hidan nearly flailed upright again, bending his knees so he could lean himself inches away from Itachi's expressionless face.

"Where the fucking hell do you keep getting this batshit crazy fucking idea that I  _want_  that shithead!? Dammit 'Tachi,  _you're_ the one who sounds fucking obsessed with him. Fuck!"

"Don't turn this around on me just because you can't accept your feelings." Itachi laughed, grabbing one of his friends pillows and tossing at his head.

Hidan caught it and slammed his face down into it. "There ain't any fucking feelings!  _AARGH_!" He roared, laughing into a small coughing fit because of it.

"...Well... If you say so..." The Uchiha said, waiting calmly for the zealot to come up for air.

_Damn you._

He clenched his eyes shut, trying to calm himself down. Not so much from anger, but more from the half-panic he was suddenly in.

It had happened just after he'd accused his friend of having feelings for his employer. Some weird little spark in him that seemed to light a very long fuse. It burned within him, that same goddamn distant feeling that he was unaware of some obvious truth, but magnified by ten-hundred times. The fuse sizzled there getting shorter and shorter, taking its sweet time though it had only been seconds.

The image of Itachi and Kakuzu, together, popped involuntarily into his mind. He didn't like it, he noticed. But not only did he just not like it, it pissed him off.

He'd looked up, eyes wide, as the pillow flew toward him. It collided with his face in slow motion, just as the cannon went off inside him, some metaphorical cord had been twisted as tightly as it could go and just then it snapped.

It pissed him off because... because it didn't make sense. Kakuzu couldn't be with Itachi. Nevermind that that old codger probably didn't like guys, nevermind that their personalities were nothing alike. He didn't like it because he didn't like imagining Kakuzu with anyone.

Instead of the normal ocean of buzzing, incomprehensible thoughts that usually followed such feelings, it was a sudden understanding that sent his mental state spiraling out of control.

He didn't like thinking of Kakuzu romantically involved at all. Because that would mean there was no chance for anyone else. And not just  _anyone else..._

"Oh..." he said into the pillow, heart racing, memories flashing before his closed eyes.

Kakuzu in his labcoat looking so professional and confident, Kakuzu behind his desk, powerful, dominating. Kakuzu, standing outside his door in the snow, Kakuzu sleeping at the table, Kakuzu ripping the frozen door latch off with ease...

No way. No possible way! He'd only fucking met the dude two goddamn days ago.

"My..." he muttered again, unable to pull his head from the safe confines of the fabric around him.

He fell asleep, surely he had accidentally fallen asleep here on his bed and this was some dream.

No, wait, no. That couldn't be right, because his dreams were the only place he had control. And he'd never let this happen, not ever.

"Fucking..."

It wasn't true. It wasn't true at all. He could deal with thinking the guy was sexy. Okay, fine, for a fifty-year-old geezer, he was hot. No prob, he could accept that.

But this... this weird heaviness in his chest, this fluttery, light feeling in his stomach.

No. Hell no.

_Get the fuck out._

"God..." he said into the pillow, then suddenly sitting ramrod straight, face looking as if he'd seen a ghost.

His friend smirked knowingly, still examining his nails. "Troubles?"

The pale man's mouth bobbed open and closed in shock for a minute, before his features contorted into a deep scowl. He snapped his head to the side to glare at the Uchiha, who looked back at him innocently, saying nothing more.

He knew, he knew the whole fucking time. Him and that annoying, cognitive brain had it figured out from that very first day!

_"What the fuck did he want?"_ Hidan had said after his dear friend finally emerged from the clinic. Wearing that damn smirk. Fucking hell! He  _knew_! He'd seen it right there and then! But... but how!? Hidan hadn't even done anything by then, that was before he'd even stopped trying to impress the guy...

Oh God... that was it. Why had he even been trying so hard? Because that Scarred-up motherfucker had told him to, right? Nonono, he'd come to that decision of his own... hadn't he?

Oh fuck this was too confusing!

_"He was concerned for you."_ Itachi had told him.

LIES! He probably hadn't cared at all, he was just narking. That bastard Uchiha had twisted his words, wearing that smug little smirk.  _I know something you don't know~_

"Itachi..."

"Yes?"

Oh dear God. That was why he'd been smiling so weirdly when the doctor called him drunk, needing a ride.

OhGodohGodoh _GOD_! This was no fucking accident! Itachi had a  _perfect_  driving record-OH GOD why didn't he fucking connect the dots!?

"...I'm going to kill you."

"Are you now?"

That's what that weird look had been about just earlier in the kitchen! He'd been staring at Kakuzu trying to figure out his fucking attitude problem and Itachi saw him staring and had looked at him like he was some cute little kid with a crush...HOLY FUCK!

This whole night was a setup! The whole thing was an act! He'd been dropping those little smirks and strange looks and hints all fucking night and Hidan STILL HADN'T CAUGHT ON!

"Yes."

"Why is that?" He said, smiling that goddamn cat-grin, looking him in the eyes expectantly, excitedly, like watching some otherworldly phenomenon take place.

"You know goddamn well why!" He whisper-snarled now, managing not to yell only because for some reason, he didn't want the two men in the other room to hear, as if just hearing that one sentence would immediately alert them to the realization he'd just made.

God, he really  _was_  a fucking idiot wasn't he? This was why His roommate continually kept trying to make Hidan think better of the man, why he'd pointed out to that Kakuzu was handsome, why it bothered him so much, why he was so infuriated by the asshole always insulting him and acting like he didn't care...

Why he was so determined to prove himself to this guy.

_Stupid defective brain!_

"Damn you!" He went on when Itachi only continued to look at him somewhere between amused and relieved. "Damn you, and damn that stupid analytical fucking mind you have! How do you do that!? Seriously!? Are you a wizard? Can you tell the future too?"

"I'm not sure I know what you're talking about." Itachi chuckled, raising a brow.

"You!... I!... RrrrrrAAARRGGHH!" He raged, slamming his face back into the pillow to muffle his scream.

This was impossible. Simply fucking impossible. Oh God how was he going to go on living? How was he going to go on  _working_ with that asshole!

This wasn't right. It couldn't be right. He knew himself, he knew what he liked. AND HE DIDN'T LIKE OLD MEN!

Yeah, sure, right. Itachi just  _wanted_  him to think he liked the guy. Just more of his crafty manipulation. It wasn't real, it couldn't be real.

Kakuzu's face while he was sleeping at the table. So peaceful, still adorable angry even in his sleep. Hidan had stared, stared like some creepy-ass obsessed girl.

_'I like him like this'._ He had realized. He could have left the room, let him sleep. He could have run away and saved himself. But he didn't want to, he'd wanted to stay.

Oh God no, it  _was_  real.

"It's not even possible!" He breathed, pulling his face back out from the pillow. "I don't... But... that's not even realistic! You can't like someone like that without knowing a damn thing about them..." He thought out loud.

"You like someone?" Itachi inquired innocently.

"You can think they're hot. You can be physically attracted, but that's not even it. That's not what it fucking feels like!" Hidan continued on, staring down at his hands now on top of the pillow as if they were the strangest things he'd ever seen.

"I know what that is. You see a sexy chick or a hot dude, you wanna fuck 'em. But I don't, that's not what it is..."

He turned to look frantically at his roommate, eyes wider still and brows creased, looking as if he might just burst into tears.

"What the fuck  _is_  it then?" He asked the calm man, now regarding him in concern.

"That's a very good question, Hidan." He replied softly, apparently finally giving up his little ruse of ignorance. And that was fine with Hidan, he couldn't play those games right now anyway. He was about to throw himself out the window.

"It could be explained away as anything, depending on what you believe. I'd call it something you'd probably think was idiotic and scoff at. So I suppose, chemistry, will suffice."

"Chemistry?" Hidan echoed, still locked in disbelief and horror.

"Yes. The subconscious mind usually decides your preferences for you, women or men. And those who you call 'sexy' are labeled by your brain as potential mates. See, based on what you like, for instance, curvy women versus tall, thin women, your subconscious looks for these things on a theoretical checklist of qualities that sum up their ability to birth children. Originally it was a survival technique human's developed to help increase the chance of producing healthy offspring. When one person had excellent physical chemistry with another, they'd develop an attraction stronger than just that of a sexual nature, bonding them, so to speak, so that they can create as many 'perfect' children as possible together. Of course that was back in the prehistoric days. Times have changed so fast and drastically, it's hard to logically apply such a thing to human psychology anymore. But that's the best answer I can give you in terms you'd accept."

Hidan's face had gone slack throughout the man's explanation, and when he noticed a break in his speech he promptly grabbed the pillow and smacked him across the face with it.

"SPEAK ENGLISH ITACHI!" He shouted as he did so.

The Uchiha sent a dark glare at his friend as he smoothed his disheveled hair. "Dammit you oaf! You don't have to resort to violence every time you don't understand something!"

"Well then talk like a normal person!"

"Fine!" He snapped, grabbing the pillow from Hidan's pale hands and ripping it away to toss it back in the corner with the rest of the bed dressings. "You're soul-mates. Meant to be together for some reason that only you two could ever understand. Am I speaking English  _now_?" He finished sarcastically.

Hidan's nose crinkled in disgust. "Ew! Fuck, I liked the confusing words better. That lovey-dovey shit's too gay for me, seriously."

"That's why I said them first." The Uchiha sighed, closing his eyes and resting his forehead on his palm with his elbow perched on his knee. "Good God I'm glad you finally caught on, though. It was absolutely exhausting trying not to say anything. If I had to sit there and listen to you drone on and on about him the rest of the week I might have had to do something drastic."

"Hey fucker! Don't be all relieved! I'm fucking pissed at you!"

He looked up again in what appeared to be true confusion now. "At me? Why?"

"You meddled!"

"I did no such thing! I told you when I came in that I had no other choice."

"Don't fucking lie to me Uchiha, you've never been in an accidental car crash in your fucking life. At least not when you were behind the wheel."

"Kisame and Dr. Hoku can vouch for me, there was a large chunk of ice-"

"Gah! Don't talk about that shithead!" Hidan cried, putting his hands over his ears.

"Well then have a look at my car when I find someone to retrieve it. I could not fake a possibly broken axle. At least that's what Dr. Hoku thinks it might be."

"You're saying his name on purpose now!" He growled again. "Jesus christ just get out! Leave me alone!"

Itachi studied his poor, confused friend for a few heartbeats before sighing heavily. "Hidan, I don't understand why you're turning this into a bad thing."

"Because I hate him! That's why!"

"It's nothing more than a crush Hida, don't exaggerate. It's not as if you have to act on it..."

"Are you retarded!? This is horrible! How am I supposed to keep my head around him with this shit on my mind? I already freaked out once, and that was just from pretending to be a good employee. How the fuck am I supposed to act like everything's normal?"

"No one can control your emotions except you. It's not about pretending Hida, you just need to accept the fact. That alone will make everything easier. Be comfortable in your own skin."

"Yeah but what if his fucking wife or something comes in and I get fucking jealous-"

"Dr. Hoku is single." Itachi stated matter-of-factly.

"He is?..." He replied without thinking, dropping his hands beside him on the bed.

Oh thank God, that meant he was avail-"FUCK! No! What the hell!? Why'd you tell me that?"

"He's also bi-sexual. I overheard a conversation he had with Kisame." Itachi added, looking as he were barely restraining a laugh.

Hidan's face flashed between emotions so quickly then that he was pretty sure he might just die of confusion right there on the spot. He sniffed as hard as he could through his damned stuffed nose, coughing a couple times when the pressure in his lungs hurt.

"Get out."

"Now don't be that way Hidan I'm only trying to help."

"Get. Out. Now."

"Hidan..."

"Please! Just let me fucking think! Seriously!"

"Alright, alright. I'm sorry, let me help you get your thoughts straight, please."

"Tch. You just wanna manipulate me some more."

"No really. I promise, Hida. I want to help you with this."

"No! I know what you want me to do! You and your girly, sappy, ideas of true love and all that bullshit. You want me to go after him! This is real fucking life Itachi, maybe everyone thinks I'm fucking stupid and maybe they're right but I'm damn sure not dumb enough to get involved in that kinda shit." He pushed from the bed, flashlight in hand, and took the one whole step required to reach the door. "Just get out. I wanna be alone right now. I don't need to talk, this isn't my usual dumbass behavior. I really just wanna be alone. Go."

With that he opened the door, gesturing out to the dark hallway.

His dear friend looked at him sadly, obviously pained by God-even-knows-what emotion. But he nodded and stood up, brushing himself off as if he'd somehow become dirty by just sitting there..

"Alright. But if you need me, I'm here. I suppose I'm going to try and find some way to get our guests back home."

"Yeah, well, let me know when he's fucking gone..."

"Very well." He said, moving through the door. Hidan shut it gently behind him, trying in vain to sniff through his congested nose again as he leaned his back against it and slid down to the floor, burying his head in his hands.

"You really  _have_  outdone yourself on this one, Big guy..." He mumbled into the empty room. "Twenty-fucking-two and sitting here crying over a goddamn guy. What's wrong with me?" He wasn't actually crying of course. Hidan San didn't cry, not even when wasted so far off his ass that he no longer knew his own name. But this was certainly stressful. Why it was this bad, he wasn't sure. But nothing that felt like this could ever be good. He already had Itachi, the best friend a guy could ask for. And that was enough happiness, having anything else in his life that provided that blissful feeling of hope, well, that could only mean something bad was going to happen...

  


* * *

  


_"SPEAK ENGLISH ITACHI!"_

Kisame jerked awake at the shout from the other room, not realizing he'd fallen asleep.

He looked around, recalling where he was, and then groaned softly as he readjusted himself into a more comfortable position.

He took a second to rub his tired eyes, looking then to the left to check on his older friend, who'd apparently nodded off as well there under the window. The soft light of the very beginnings of a sunrise shone through, shining onto Kakuzu dark-skinned features. His head was tipped backward on the back of the couch, making the low light emphasize the terrible bags under his eyes, as well as his normal small amount of age-related wrinkles, and his frown-lines.

Kisame stared sleepily at him for a moment, considering.

He really did care about the guy. Being an only child as he was, with parents that rarely liked to stay in the same place, Kisame had grown up going through the motions of making friends, something that thankfully had come pretty naturally to him as a child, and then being forced to leave them. Kakuzu, strangely enough, was the only one that still remained.

It was understandable, in a way. By the time he'd met the guy he was only a few short months from turning 18, and at that time he'd moved out on his own after his parents decided to uproot themselves again. He'd stayed in that college town for a few more years, even after Kakuzu graduated, to get his own degree. And the older man had stayed there as well, taking only a few short years of internship and residency before he had all the credentials and experience he thought necessary to start up his own little business. By the time Kakuzu had made his purchase of the clinic he owned now and announced to Kisame that he, too, would be moving, the younger of the two had been in his second year of community college, and had pretty well realized that the scene wasn't for him. He'd finished up his year there, and mostly on impulse, started looking for jobs around the area that the Doctor had told him he'd be going.

He hadn't had any sort of ties to the place, except a girlfriend who several people told him has been sleeping around despite their relationship. And so it hadn't been hard to pack up and move once he found a nice little place with a decent price here in town, the residence he still occupied and very nearly owned.

He may have somehow miraculously been unaware of Kakuzu's sexual preferences, but he liked to think he was still the only human being who knew him to be more than the stand-offish asshole he made himself out to be.

It was still a mystery as to what cosmic force had possessed him to follow the guy here, but it never bothered him. Their relationship had never rekindled even after he'd finally gotten a steady job that linked coincidentally with Kakuzu's, but it had at least remained there. And it was comforting to him, whether it had been reduced simply to business calls or not. He still knew it was there, and despite how the older man had grown continually more and more unlikeable throughout the years, despite how they both aged, he still held onto the Kakuzu he knew and cherished that had befriended him by random chance at a college party he wasn't even sure how he'd ended up at.

When he'd taken that vacation that had changed his ability to easily befriend people way back just after he'd made the switch from the city to this smaller town, Kakuzu had been the first person to show up in the hospital after he'd been attacked during a scuba-diving adventure, despite his Aunt and cousin having lived right there on the island where it happened . The man had taken an overnight flight all the way out to the Bahama's where he was hospitalized, and by the time he'd gotten out of surgery, unable to see anything due to his bandaged covered eyes, he'd been there waiting in his room by his bed when he recovered from the Anesthesia.

He'd stayed there for a whole week, paying the ridiculous price for lodgings they had down there without a word, which was astonishing in itself seeing as this was the penny-pinching Kakuzu Hoku, while he had taken his slow recovery. Unfortunately he'd had to leave get back to his business before Kisame's eyes had healed enough for him to remove the bandages and actually  _see_  his dear friend, but the gesture had remained with him ever since.

The years had passed by slowly and monotonously since then, and he had held onto that one act of loyalty, thinking that this was a lifelong friendship. And once again it had been proven true to him when he'd made that distressed call to his friend a few days ago, not knowing where else to turn. And once again, Kakuzu had been there for him, paying expenses out of his own pocket and dealing with uncomfortable situations all on Kisame's behalf.

It was one of those strange friendships that was too beautiful to make sense. And he rarely ever tried to do so. Such things weren't meant to be questioned, only taken as they were with the appreciation they deserved.

He was distracted again as more yelling, though distinctly quieter and unintelligible, came from the other room. He looked down the dark hallway, smirking a bit.

He supposed Itachi and his immature friend's relationship could be considered much the same. Two people with completely different lifestyles and personalities, somehow united together to take on the challenges of life together. It was ironic, now that he thought about it, that the four of them, all so universally different, would end up here in this situation together. Ironic that he and Itachi would be together, both having their emotionally-distant friends to deal with. Ironic that the two men with so much loneliness and heartache in their pasts would sense the mutual though unnoticed yearning for someone to understand them, someone stable to be with that could empathize and accept them while still assuring each other that they are not what they've accepted even embraced themselves to be; unloveable.

He turned back to look at his sleeping friend, smiling warmly.

Itachi was absolutely right, something had to be done about these two. Kakuzu was a caring man capable of great loyalty and love down beneath that wall he'd built up. Kisame himself was proof as well that all it took was honesty and gratitude to get past that shell. Obviously he would never just spontaneously transform into a whole new person, but he would change, the scarred man thought, if given a good enough reason.

And sitting here staring at him, still so disturbed looking even in his sleep. He wondered if he'd ever felt anything close to that indescribable feeling Itachi had brought out in him. He wasn't some hopeless romantic, really, and so he wasn't going to try to put any kind of name as it, but he knew if the old man could taste even a small slice of that, find his own 'Itachi Uchiha' per say, things would change.

The small squeak of a door opening sent his gaze flashing back over to the hallway. After a click that sounded the shutting of said door, a very troubled-looking Itachi finally moved like a ghost into the light of the room.

Kisame gave him a big grin when he looked up from the carpet and their eyes met, and he received a gorgeous but tired smile in return.

"Well. Good morning sunshine." He said quietly, making the Uchiha huff out a small laugh.

"I wouldn't call it good, but it certainly is morning isn't it?" He responded, continuing into the kitchen after a quick glance at a sleeping Kakuzu.

Kisame quietly got up and followed him, grabbing his coffee mug as he did so.

Damn, he'd had a ridiculous amount of caffeine tonight.

"Oh good, there's some left." Itachi mumbled to himself, most likely not realizing he'd been followed into the kitchen.

"We made another batch after you tore into Kakuzu. I figured it would perk him up, apparently just put the guy to sleep." He laughed, setting the cup down to come up behind the shorter man and slip his arms around him as he prepared himself a mug. He didn't expect the surprised jerk from the guy, but when he melted back into the embrace with a content sigh, he felt his heart swell.

Moving too fast? Possibly, but he couldn't help himself. Just seeing the Uchiha's face did something to him, sent him into some kind of protector-mode. They boy always had bags under his eyes, no matter what had happened to him throughout the day, but they were magnified now after such a long, stressful night. And just from the expression he'd been wearing when he walked out of what Kisame assumed was Hidan's room, and the longing shift in his eyes that had occurred when he's seen the larger man smiling at him...

Well, it was obvious that he needed some kind of support, whether it be emotional or just something to lean back on. Kisame could be both, he thought. After all, he was admittedly the one with the least troubles out of everyone in this apartment at the moment.

Itachi stayed there in that position, not moving, and Kisame held him, hunching over slightly to rest his chin on his head.

Maybe he was a guy, physically. But it astounded him, though really it shouldn't, how easy it was to forget that. How little thought it took just to stand there and hold him like he would any of his previous girlfriends, and how much  _better_ it seemed, how  _right_  it felt.

After his accident, people reacted to him differently, and he knew it probably was more associated with his eyes than his scars. They were noticeable, obviously, especially during the summer when he went without a shirt and the grotesque things that stretched from his abdomen all the way up to his neck were clearly visible. But he didn't think they were the main factor in the change he received.

Eyes were windows to the soul, and with his altered coloring, it made people uncomfortable. Made him seem more intimidating, as if able to look through them the way Itachi's did.

That was one of the first things he'd noticed about the boy when he'd come to him looking for employment. His eyes were so dark, and naturally so. It fascinated him, because it was such an unnatural color. And they way he looked at Kisame that very first time they'd met, how his brows had arched up in surprise but not apprehension, appreciating him as if he were the most amazing and yet perfectly normal person in the world... well, damn, he should have known their lives would be intertwined somehow in the future.

"Well... Hidan has finally caught on." He said softly, not moving at all against the man's embrace.

"Huh. Wait.. caught on to what?"

"Everything."

"Eeeverything... meaninnng...?"

Itachi let out a half-laugh, half-sigh. "He's finally made the connection that we have. He's reacting the way I imagined he would as well. Complete rejection."

"...You mean he admitted that he likes Kah-uuhhhh... that he likes  _him_?"

"Yes, in a 'Hidan' sort of way. I can't tell if he's upset with me or just the realization in general."

"Why would he be mad at you?"

"Because he has no other outlet." He sighed again, relaxing a little further into Kisame. "He'll be okay, I think, once he comes to a decision. And that will make it easier on us as well."

"How do you figure that?"

"Because now that he's aware, the choice has been put in his hands. We no longer have a role to fill. He will either embrace it or refuse it, and either way we have no further influence on the matter."

"Huh... well that sucks. I had a chat..." He stopped again, reminding himself that Kakuzu was well within hearing distance should he suddenly wake up. "Well, uh. I thought maybe I was making progress on my end too." He said instead.

Itachi finally moved to support his own weight now, resuming his task of making himself coffee. "That's wonderful! Perhaps they'll get along now, at the very least." He turned around and smiled up at Kisame for a second, his cheeks slightly red, before ducking under the man's arm and slipping out of the way with his beverage.

"And, since we'll have light soon, I'm sure the doctor will be happy to know he can go get some rest in the comfort of his own home."

"You think the door's still stuck shut?" Kisame questioned without looking as he repeated the process Itachi had just finished.

"Oh I have no doubt. The temperature hasn't risen at all with the sun. I considered just using my hairdryer to melt the ice from the door, but we have no electricity..."

"I could probably just force the thing open, especially if Kakuzu'll help me out."

"You'll do no such thing! That outer door is almost entirely glass. Being frozen the way it is, it'll shatter if you try to force it."

"So? Isn't that your landlord's problem?" Kisame said, shrugging before he turned around and leaned back against the counter. He took a sip of his coffee, swallowing quickly and making a face after burning his tongue and upper lip.

"Well yes, but he's been looking for any reason he can to kick me out since Hidan moved in. He's not exactly a calm and quiet neighbor to the poor couple below us... he's already gotten enough complaints and we've had enough talks, adding destruction of property to the list would surely suffice him enough to evict us."

"Well yeah but I mean in a situation like this it wouldn't really be your fault. And you've got that Sabaku guy as your lawyer, he's  _never_  lost a case."

Itachi smiled, though rolling his eyes. "It would be indecent to break the man's door and then sue him after all the tongue-lashings he's probably received from our neighbors all on account of Hidan, Kisame."

He grunted and shrugged again, attempting to take another sip from his mug. "Well how are we supposed to leave then?"

Itachi was silent until Kisame looked up to make sure he'd heard. He did so only to find the Uchiha giving him a sly smile that simultaneously scared him and made his lebito lurch.

"I was thinking, perhaps, the window. The one behind my dresser was shielded from the wind and ice by the evergreen in front of it. I think it was probably spared being frozen shut."

"You... want to climb out the window? In the snow and ice?"

"Not me no. I was thinking of having Hidan do it, but I don't think he will after our little chat. I can't imagine the Doctor possibly doing it..."

He let the sentence trail off there, making Kisame's brows crease in concern as it sunk in.

"So you want  _me_  to climb out that tiny window and shimmy my big ass down the side of the building?"

"Well, since you're volunteering..." Itachi said, with that catty smirk of his.

"You know I'd love to go on an adventure like that, but I'd fall and break my neck just trying to squeeze out that thing. You don't think it would make more sense for you to do it?"

"Of course it doesn't!"

"I think it does though, you're small and light..."

"I am not  _small_!"

"Shit, if you had a rope I could just lower you down, easy-peasey."

"I will  _not_  be lowered down like some escaping prisoner out of my bedroom window!"

"Well you think it would be better if your neighbors saw  _me_  sneaking out like that at 7 in the morning?"

Itachi paused at this, making a face as he chewed this over internally. "Well despite that, someone stronger than me has to be out there to shovel the snow out of the way and pull the door loose."

"A little manual labor won't kill you."

"Are you calling me  _lazy_? Lazy and small?!"

"No! Not at all, I'm just saying it makes more sense for you to do it than me!"

He smiled sheepishly at the glaring Uchiha as the silence dragged on between their hushed argument. He glanced over briefly to make sure Kakuzu was still asleep (he was) before looking back to the shorter but still terrifying man.

"Hn. I'm not doing it. I'll go talk to Hidan." He finally said, turning briskly to leave the kitchen. Kisame stared after him, a little saddened by the fact that he wouldn't get to see pristine Itachi do such a thing. Then he sipped on his coffee for a few heartbeats before his boyfriend (Wow, still sounded wierd) came quietly back into the kitchen, setting his cup down and crossing his arms, nearly pouting as he looked back up to the taller man.

Kisame couldn't help the hopeful grin he wore. "He said no?"

"No. I didn't ask him..."

"Why not?"

"He's asleep... he's actually dead asleep in there even though he just slept the night before last. Usually it's at least a couple days in between... I couldn't bring myself to wake him."

Kisame's grin only widened as the man pouted further. "So, it's up to you then."

Itachi stared at him angrily a second before his features relaxed to concern. "I suppose it is, isn't it?" He sighed, reaching up to run a hand through his hair, tousling it and giving Kisame's stomach another jerk.

Damn, how could one person be so gorgeous?

"I don't even know if I  _have_  rope... I really don't want to have to climb down..."

"We can do it the old-fashioned way, tie some bedsheets together and just slide down-"

"Kisame this is already humiliating enough, I'm not going to make it worse by ruining my spare sheets." He interrupted, holding up a hand to halt the thought completely.

The taller man quieted himself, staring down at his coffee as if it were the most amusing thing in the world. It was guaranteed to be entertaining no matter what method they used, he almost wanted to take Kakuzu up to share the moment with him, but the poor guy was pooped. And plus, he probably wouldn't find it quite so funny anyway...

"Well... let's go see if the damn thing will even open, first of all. Then we'll make more decisions." He said, abandoning his cup to start off again in the direction of the bedroom.

Kisame kept hold of his, but followed just the same.

  


.

  


After failing to force the window open, Itachi instructed Kisame to try. He'd been able to pretty easily, which had irritated his poor boyfriend, which of course only made the bigger man laugh.

Itachi had opened his closet, which turned out to be huge, and disappeared inside, only to come back out a good ten minutes later claiming to have no rope or anything that could be used as rope.

Kisame had repeated the bedsheet idea, and after further bickering back and forth the Uchiha had begrudgingly disappeared back to into his closet, grumbling the whole way, emerging again with a pile of black bedsheets.

_"This is ridiculous. I'm tempted just to make you two keep waiting until the power returns." He said, throwing them onto the bed._

_"Well you know I wouldn't mind. But Kakuzu's on his last nerve out there..."_

_"I know." He sighed back wearily. "And my landlord said it could be any undetermined amount of time before the power comes back since the weather isn't predicted to clear up for awhile... This just seems excessive."_

_"Well, desperate times call for desperate measures."_

_"So they say..." He replied, picking up one of the folded hunks of fabric and handing it hesitantly to Kisame._

Feeling unnecessarily guilty, he'd promised the crestfallen man to replace the sheets, since they would have to have several tight knots tied into them and most likely would not be worth salvaging. Itachi had perked up a little bit then, at least until the time came when he had to crawl out the window.

Now he was squatting on his dresser, holding the end of the makeshift rope and twisting it uncertainly in his hands.

"This is absolutely ridiculous. I can't believe I agree'd to this."

Kisame laughed, standing before him, ready and prepared to lower him to the ground below. He wasn't worried, the slender man weighed no more than a housecat to him. "Not only that, it was your idea in the first place."

"Yes. I wish you would have slapped some sense into me."

"Well it  _is_  a good idea. Stop worrying about it, you're hidden from the street by that tree and I doubt anyone's going to be out in this weather at this hour to see you. The sooner you get it done, the sooner you can forget about it."

"Except the occasions when you remind me of course." The younger grumbled back.

"Well yeah, except for then."

Itachi sighed heavily one more time before his face hardened in determination. "Alright then, let's get this over with."

"You got it, babe."

Itachi looked up at him in surprise for just a second before covering it up with a dark glare. "If you drop me, Kisame Hoshigaki, it will be the last thing you ever do."

"I'd never dream of letting you fall, Itachi." He said back, receiving a touched smile in return before the Uchiha flattened himself and slid somehow gracefully backward until the sheets pulled tight in Kisame's hands.

They exchanged one last glance before the larger man lowered him out of sight.

  


* * *

  


The whole thing had gone rather smoothly as far as reaching the ground went. Itachi trusted Kisame fully, of course. He'd only said that last line because... well... he didn't really have a reason. He felt silly, getting butterflies just for the fact that Kisame had called him babe. He'd done it previous to this crazy night, but in a completely different text. Back then it had just been a sort of joke, and the raven-haired man had been able to accept it gracefully, giving the man nothing but a warm smile in return while he secretly wished for the day to come soon when he would call him that for another reason. And here it had come so suddenly out of nowhere, he had't been prepared at all.

It was a little irritating for it to have happened right then for the fact that he couldn't fully appreciate it, seeing as he was about to go about doing this ridiculous task. But he  _did_  still love the sound of it, either way.

Kisame's complete and utter acceptance of their new relationship had surprised him, he had to admit. The man had been so uncertain about the whole thing, he'd expected him to take some time to warm up to the idea. Being held like that without warning had certainly been unexpected, though not unwelcome. Not in the least.

He smiled to himself as the bedsheet-rope lowered jerkily, due to the knots getting caught on the windowsill every so often. He looked up, seeing nothing but a cloudy sky and the brick wall of his apartment. And then he looked down, leaning to see over his shoulder and then letting out an embarrassing squeak of fright when the rest of his body tipped dangerously along with him. He went back to just clinging to the rope for dear life, content to do that. It wasn't more than 13 foot do the ground, surely he had to be almost there.

He cursed himself inwardly yet again for this terrible idea. Originally he'd planned on Kiame being the one to do it, he was going to use his charms to make the man commit the embarrassing act on his behalf so that he could watch in amusement. But when he'd made the comment about the neighbors seeing him sneak out, well... The Uchiha was embarrassed to say he hadn't thought of that.

The last thing he needed were more complaints from the expecting couple below him. They'd been trying to get Itachi and Hidan (Mainly Hidan) evicted for months now, most likely fearing the safety of their upcoming new baby. The smooth-talking man had thus far managed to console his landlord and assure him that Hidan would behave himself, most times only to turn around and find the man-child doing something disruptive and loud.

It was certainly an exhausting existence, but what else could he do?

There were many times he did regret his decision to take his dear friend in and through that agree to take on all his troubles with him. Hidan was the only person who could make him feel as though he'd just run hundreds and hundreds of miles without even taking a single step. There were times, just like anyone else, when he wondered why he was even still friends with the man. He'd never bothered to get his life together, fallen in with the worst crowd, had no discipline, no people skills... It really was like raising a child.

But, at least he was making progress, leaps and bounds, actually. He'd come so very far from where he once was. Thankfully, the two had not been re-acquainted when he went through his rehabilitation, but Itachi saw plenty of his own clients struggling terribly with giving up the drugs they were hopelessly addicted to. Especially with the sort Hidan had gotten into, he was not only lucky to be alive and not horribly marred for life inside and out, he was exceedingly strong for managing to kick the habit as easily as he did.

That was relatively speaking, of course, in no way had it been easy at all, but the zealot, with his undying determination, had dropped each and every narcotic cold-turkey. He was held in solitary confinement for a month after he had a huge meltdown and nearly killed a few of the workers at the Rehab clinic. But even in his maniacal rage he had not demanded to be given drugs.

Many people looked at Hidan and his poor mannerisms and only saw how far he had left to go. On occasions, Itachi admitted to doing such a thing, he was only human, after all. But it was stopping to remind himself of how far he had come that always brought things back into perspective.

Hell, just that conversation they'd had was proof enough. He put the pieces together all on his own (After of course Itachi had given him obvious clues) and had reacted much like he had foresaw. Of course he couldn't expect the troubled man to just accept it. It was, after all, one more thing in his life he would undoubtedly be looked down upon for if he did pursue it. It was hard enough to embrace ones homosexual desires without hiding it shamefully away. But with a man twenty-so years one's senior? It certainly would be a battle... And Hidan was right to 'freak out' as he did.

He supposed things would play out the way they were meant to be, Sighing and shaking his head.

Relationships really were far, far too complicated.

Just then his feet were enveloped in a coldness that pushed up his pant legs and squished into his boots and up against his skin. This elicited a yelp from him, and also caused him to accidentally release the rope, making him go falling backward into the snow after slapping a hand over his mouth.

He stayed in that position for a moment, sounding much like a raging Hidan inside his head as he looked around him and then up to the windowsill to see if anyone had heard that humiliating sound and come to investigate. He didn't see anyone, not even Kisame poked his head out the window to check on him, though it probably could have been hard seeing as he'd have to lean across his large dresser to do so.

At least he didn't call down to him to make sure he was okay and through that, alert everyone in the apartment and the one below to his presence.

God, he almost felt like a common thief, sneaking around like this.

He stood up, brushed the snow from him, adjusted his coat, and then tugged on the rope a couple times to signal to the man above to drag it back inside. Well, the deed was done, Thank God. Now he could get the snow off his landing, get that door open, and wash his hands of this night. It had certainly gotten the job done, but at what cost... he wondered. Hidan had taken a few steps forward, but he feared that the forced acquaintance between he and Dr. Hoku might have irreversibly damaged the older man. It was hard to tell, really, that damn Doctor was so hard to read...

"Itachi?" Came a deep voice from his left.

His body tensed as he turned slowly to regard none other than the male of the household below him, regarding him with confused interest and amusement as he puffed on a cigarette.

"What the hell are you doing?"

He cleared his throat.  _Damn it all._  This was exactly what he had feared happening.

"Was that you that made that noise? I thought there was a dog begging for scraps on my patio or something." He went on when he didn't receive an answer, reaching up to pull the cancer stick from his mouth and blow out a large cloud of smoke.

"Uh... Mr. Sarutobi... Hello." He sputtered out, clearing his throat. "Can I... borrow your snowshovel per-chance?"

"Well sure, but that doesn't answer my question." He said back light-hearted, shrugging.

Itachi reached up to awkwardly scratch the back of his head. "We... got frozen inside over the night. I didn't want to break the door trying to force it open..."

"Ah, so you climbed out the window..." He finished for him, taking another drag of the cigarette. "You could've called us, I'd have helped you out of there."

Ah, that was right, the lower apartments actually had patios facing the opposite direction of the front entrances. But, he still wouldn't have asked for help from the man trying to make him lose his home, even if it probably was the easy-going guy's live-in girlfriend that was behind it all.

"I... hadn't thought of that..." He said sheepishly, clearing his throat again and standing there awkwardly as the bearded man regarded him.

He wouldn't bother hoping that the woman of the household wouldn't hear about this. If he was lucky perhaps she would at least wait to waddle up his stairs and pound on his door before giving him a piece of her mind. Even though in reality Itachi had done absolutely nothing that involved her or her family (besides borrowing a snow shovel) she was sure to get involved in it, for the acclaimed safety of her unborn child.

He may be an expert on general psychology, anthropology, and the inner workings of the physical workings of the human mind, but he could swear on his mother's grave that women were quite simply a whole different species.

"Well, anyway. I'll get you a shovel before Kurenai comes out here and jumps my ass for one thing or the other. Never have kids, Mister Uchiha." He said, laughing afterward as if he'd said some hysterical joke.

Itachi glared after him.

_Juvenile._

They knew damn well he was gay, it was one of the reasons they hated him so much, though he, himself, had never done anything to them personally. Of course maybe it hadn't been a joke, as Adoption was always a perfectly plausible thing. It wasn't as if the Uchiha had never considered the possibility of one day, years from now, having some sort of family. Only if he ever found the right guy of course. Hmm... Maybe he should nonchalantly mention something like that to Kisame...

Blinking, he mentally kicked himself. As if this was anything even close to a decent time to think of such things! Good Lord he needed sleep....

He sighed heavily, a dark cloud hovering over him as he followed after the man.

  


* * *

  


Kakuzu awoke to the bellowing sound of Kisame's uncontrollable laughter, which of course, put him instantly in an even worse mood than he had been.

"Damn you Hoshigaki," He growled, leaning forward and rubbing his eyes as the man emerged from the hallway, still laughing. "Can't you keep your mouth shut for ten minutes?"

"Oh Kakuzu! You missed it!" He cried between gasps for air. "Itachi climbed out the window so he could go get the door open and the fucking neighbor caught him in the act and then made a joke about him having kids! Oh God it was classic!" He said, then becoming suddenly serious. "He's gonna be so pissed when he gets back in here..." The somberness in him lasted only another minute before his signature smile stretched widely back across his face and he let loose a few more light-hearted chuckles.

"What the hell are you on about?" The older man said groggily, checking his watch for the time and pushing the image Kisame had put in his head away. It was comical, imagining someone like that Uchiha boy doing something like that. It was also idiotic at the same time. Perhaps if the man-woman had some sort of selection of tools, Kakuzu could have easily just popped the bolts from the hinges and pried the door off completely. Or hell, he could even have just chipped away at the ice with a mere flathead screwdriver and a hammer.

His eyes came back into focus as his groggy mind pushed away the remnants of sleep, and then narrowed in anger. Bloody hell, almost 8 in the morning. He'd slept in that terrible position for nearly an hour. Oh dear Jackson, no wonder his entire body felt as if he'd had a wrestling match with a semi-truck.

"Itachi. He climbed out his bedroom window and I lowered him down to the ground with a rope we made of bedsheets. He wanted to get the door open as soon as possible so we can get your grumpy ass home." Kisame explained, going to the front door and pulling it open with a little bit of effort. It had apparently frozen shut again.

The Doctor grunted in response, and looked around the room as he massaged the back of his neck there where he sat. There was no sign of Hidan, that was a good omen, at least. He started to ask where he was, then thought better of it.

Right, he didn't care where he was, as long as he wasn't here. But really... he needed to use the restroom, and he didn't want that monochromatic idiot popping up out of nowhere.

His eyes scanned the small space of the apartment, concluding only that the idiot must obviously still be in his room, still throwing his tantrum. Well... good. He could stay in there. He wasn't going to apologize, never in a million years. Though that little bit of sleep somewhat helped clear things up, though really the talk he'd had with Kisame had been the biggest helper, though he'd never admit it.

He understood better now Hidan's ridiculous personality. Kakuzu had been raised for at least a portion of his life with teachings instilled by his mother. Though she'd been on bedrest for most of their little talks, he still received an idea and guidance of how he was supposed to act, given basics of the road he was supposed to walk down in life to be successful.

Hidan had none of that. The boy really had not be raised at all, he'd only survived. He'd done whatever he needed to do to assure he'd be alive tomorrow, disregarding safety and health matters in exchange for just one second of being able to relax and have a good time. He had never gotten to be a real kid, had never been shown how to behave like an adult, and so now remained permanently in a state between both of them.

"Hey!" Kisame said out the front door, waving to someone. "How'd it go?" He laughed, just before a ball of snow smacked into the door right where his face was, rattling the thing terribly.

This of course only made the man chuckle more. "Hey now! You're gonna break the door! That's the whole reason you climbed out of there!"

_"I'm going to strangle you when I get in there."_  Itachi's muffled voice floated in from the other side of the door, Kakuzu assumed.

He rolled his eyes at this and heaved himself up off the couch. At least these kids were finally getting off their asses and doing something useful. And luckily enough it was only Sunday, still the weekend, which meant he could go get some  _real_  rest after he escaped this accursed apartment.

At least the objective was clearer here. The Uchiha was doing well, coming at the boy from all the directions he thought might provide results. But he was only a child himself. So, If Kakuzu were going to be stuck with Hidan as an employee, he supposed his previous destination his thoughts had arrived at still stood true.

He had to fix the boy.

He stretched his back, wincing when it cracked a couple times, and straightened himself out. He looked over to regard Kisame, still smirking at the Uchiha boy through the window. Again he rolled his eyes and started off down the hall, seeing as there wasn't anywhere else the bathroom could be.

He smoothed his hair back and rubbed at his eyes again, a little surprised at how much more comfortable he felt now in this little apartment. Mere hours ago when he'd arrived he'd been off-put just to move from the table, but after everything that had happened, the familiarity had come pouring in. Falling asleep more than once the way he had, and being left alone while Kisame and Itachi engaged in their horseplay... It was strange. He felt a strange sense of warmth, coziness, almost like he could just go lay down back on the couch and doze off for a few more hours.

He shook his head, no, surely that was just the lingering sleep as well as the lack of it causing that. His brain and body trying to communicate with him that it desperately wanted rest. Yes, this made sense. And was good, seeing as that Uchiha was soon to get the door open. He'd already decided not to mess around with this taxi-cab business, once that door was open he'd be out and on his way back to his car.

He was almost to the bathroom now, not realizing he'd stopped in the middle of the hall in thought. He looked at the three closed doors, one directly to the left of him now, another also on his left but down at the very end of the hall, This he assumed to be Itachi's given what the feminine man had said to Kisame earlier in the night. And there was one door to his right centered perfectly between the other two, as well as what looked to be a cabinet just a little bit further than that.

Right... so he had two different doors to chose from. It wasn't hard to choose, though, seeing as most often the door with the towel and supply closet beside it would likely be the bathroom. and having made up his mind, he began to take a step forward when the door beside him suddenly opened. It wasn't thrown open wildly, but just the opening of it surprised him so much that he couldn't move when a small body came rushing out, and of course, slammed right into him.

Strictly by reflexes he caught himself from falling back against the opposing wall, wrapping his other arm around the person who'd collided with him to keep them from falling as well. He regretted it immediately after this, of course, realizing that the only person it could be is...

He looked down to a fidgeting albino, who in turn looked up and blinked sleepily at him, hair standing straight up on one side. He was only stared at, or, stared  _through_  for a few moments by those soft, pink eyes. He looked back down at him, unsure of why exactly he remained there in that spot, with his hand resting, strangely comfortable, against the younger mans unclothed ribcage.

"Oh... hey.." Hidan's sleep-heavy voice said, before he yawned and rubbed at his eyes with the backs of his hands. He placed them then on Kakuzu's stomach, smacking his lips a few times as if to get some bad taste from his mouth, letting the sleepy eyes trail down the elder's chest.

Kakuzu almost slapped himself then, unable to force himself into movement as he remained there in that position, and unable to stop himself from staring down at the pitiful, childish,  _adorable_  man in his arms.

Luckily and also unluckily, Hidan seemed to come to his senses at that exact moment, looking back up at him with a tired smile for only three heartbeats before his eyes suddenly focused and stretched wide

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" He shouted, shoving himself free of the bigger man, who didn't budge at all, which only resulted in Hidan falling backward onto his ass in the doorway of his bedroom.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU CREEPER!?" He shouted again, scrambling up to his feet. "Jesus christ-WHY ARE YOU STILL IN MY GODDAMN HOUSE!?"

"Would you quit your insufferable shouting you idiot!" Kakuzu snarled back, "You're the one who came barrelling out of that room and ran into me." He turned to continue to the bathroom, before a pale blur raced past him, growling a quick "Go fuck yourself old man, the bathroom's  _mine."_  as it went.

The door slammed shut in his face just as he reached it, and he inhaled as big a breath as he could and held it, trying desperately to keep himself from just kicking the damn thing in and beating the hell out of that disrespectful little shit like he so badly wanted to.

Instead he whirled around, storming back out into the living room. Dammit, why the fuck had he just stood there like that? Why didn't he just shove the little motherfucker away? Maybe he would have hit his head on the small dresser just inside the door and fell into a coma. He grinned at this, now  _that_  would be a damn good start to a Sunday.

Just as he re-entered the room, Kisame burst into a cheer, and the Uchiha boy came through the door, stomping off the snow clinging thickly to his boots, shivering violently.

"Alriiiight! Kakuzu, look! You're free!"

He only grunted in response, regarding the youngest of the three. He gave him a grateful nod, and Itachi returned it, or so he thought, he was still so tense and shaking so much that it was hard to tell.

"More coffee..." The boy breathed, tossing down the snow shovel he'd been tightly holding onto and proceeding to the kitchen. He was followed of course by an all-too-cheery Kisame.

Kakuzu sighed in relief and moved to the dining table, slipping back into his coat. Well, the one perk to being a man, you could piss just about anywhere. He didn't need a bathroom anyway, stupid brat. He spoke loudly to Kisame as he shrugged fully into the cloth and straightened the collar. "I'm going to save waiting on a cab and just walk back to my car, Kisame. Are you going to join me or remain here?"

"Oh damn, I left my cup in the room.." The man muttered, before whirling around and stepping to the other side of the table. "Yeah man, I'll go with you. You're going now?"

"Yes. I want to go home."

"Alright, I'll be out there in just a second."

"Make it quick." He growled, knowing his friend was likely just going to get some sort of goodbye tongue. He didn't want to be around for it, and so continued outside, going carefully down the snow-piled steps.

Someone needed to teach that Itachi how to properly scoop snow.

"Doctor Hoku?" A feminine voice said just as he made it to ground level. He turned warily to see the new presence, greeted by the very client that had missed her appointment on Friday, providing the free time in which Hidan had had that ridiculous little tantrum.

His eyes narrowed, that bitch, if she'd have been there then Kakuzu wouldn't have had the chance to get on the phone with Sasori, which wouldn't have made him come to the decision to talk to Hidan about 'dropping pretenses'.

"Miss Yuhi, Good morning." He ground out.

"Doctor, please tell me you don't associate with those men up there..." She said, not bothering to return the greeting.

He scowled at her. She'd always been a snobby sort of woman, though he'd never paid it any mind before. For some reason it irritated him now. Probably for all the reasons he's been continually using to rationalize all his reactions since this terrible adventure began.

"Hidan San is my new secretary..." He said, watching her eyes go wide in horror.

"You hired  _him!?_  Doctor, I don't know if you're aware of this or not but that man is a nuisance, a felon, and insane. I don't think you want him around your patients-"

"Excuse me, Miss Yuhi." He interrupted roughly. "But I'm perfectly capable of picking my own employees. Hidan does just fine with the tasks that I give him, I've no reason to think Ill of him."

What was he doing? Why was he defending the idiot?

Because, this bitch needed to be put in her place, telling him who he should and shouldn't hire. As if he gave a damn about her opinion on the matter.

That didn't mean he had to defend Hidan...

Yes it did! He was a businessman with a respectable business and couldn't let any sort of weakness show. So what if he was only human, and made errors? These people saw him as their doctor, or more clearly, as more than human. Their health and occasional lives were in his hands, a decision this horrible could not be made public.

Hidan had a reputation, just like him, but that child had only been here so long, surely his twenty-plus years of high-standings would be enough to pull his ass out of this. If he showed confidence in Hidan, perhaps the rest of the town might give him a chance as well.

Uh.. not that he wanted to help Hidan. This was strictly to save himself.

"Well,  _I'm_  giving you reason, Doctor. I don't think I want to continue putting my child in your care if you have people like _him_  working for you."

His eyes narrowed at this. Stupid cunt, he'd had numerous chats about how she'd be better off having her baby delivered at a large hospital, and here she was suddenly threatening to take her business away from all because of Hidan, who didn't have anything to do with his practices. Well,  _as if he gave a damn._  There are plenty of other people in this town who regarded him highly, he didn't need her money anyway.

"You missed your last appointment anyway, Miss Yuhi. Considering how close your due date is, that could be called neglect. Perhaps I don't want  _you_  as a patient, seeing as you can't pay attention to such small details. I can't imagine how you'll raise that child."

Her glossy red lips popped open as she gasped in surprise, brows furrowing in anger. He smiled shortly at her before turning to continue on his way, Kisame could catch up, he'd done more than enough for that man in one night anyway.

He smiled to himself, trudging through the snow and pulling his coat tighter around himself. He shoved his hands in his pockets. At the very least, this had gotten him out of having to birth her child. He was a doctor, yes, but that didn't mean he  _enjoyed_  looking at the disgusting inner-workings of the female body. This was why he didn't not work at a real hospital, so he did not have to attend to all the usual, more disgusting matters, but could still reap the same pay benefits.

He supposed that was at least one thing he could give credit to the brat for... Though not out loud. Never out loud.

"Good Day, Miss Yuhi."


	10. Chapter 10

The following months passed by in a dizzying series of motion and non-motion alike.

Slowly at first, as Hidan became more acclimated to his work schedule, as he constantly warred within himself each and every day about this enormous, yet intimately tiny decision he had yet to make. Forcing himself to remain neutral around his boss, pushing back the confusing emotions so that he could think just clearly enough to do his job. Having to look at that man 5 days a week, for hours and hours on end, and not have some sort of panic attack from the disturbing thoughts that raced through his head. Convincing himself that he  _did not_  like Kakuzu, however temporarily it may last, just so that he could get through one more day.

For two weeks the torture of a cold lasted in him, and hit it's peak the weekend after those horrible circumstances had occurred, and remained at that climax point until the following Tuesday. One of the many, many things that confused him to the point of eerily calm hysteria occurred on the Monday just before this, just as he'd returned to work for the start of the second entire week he'd been working there.

.

_He blew his nose for the umpteenth time, sounding like a baby elephant and of course having not one single drop of the goddamn blasphemous snot clogging his sinuses come out._

_He stared at the dry tissue in a scowl. How the fuck did that even work? Strange and disgusting liquids continuously leak from his face, he wipes and wipes all day until he damn nostrils are so chafed and raw that he briefly considers just grabbing a pocketknife and cutting them off... Yet here when he blows his nose, all the sudden there's nothing in there, but he's still stuffed up._

_He tried again, the sound bouncing off the walls and sounding like some terrible attempt at playing the trumpet. This made him laugh, for some reason he couldn't understand, but attributed it to having the miniscule amount of sleep he normally got stripped from him by this damn demon possessing his body._

_Stupid fucking colds._

_Sick and miserable and disgusting, but not sick and miserable and disgusting enough to miss work for._

_His wheezing chuckle turned quickly into a coughing fit, and he had to use the kleenex still in his hand to quickly slap over his mouth as he hacked, and more disgusting yellowish phlegm came flying up his throat and out onto the cloth._

_He didn't bother looking at this after he regained control of himself, mostly because_ EEWWW! _, and crumpled it up to weakly toss it into the trashcan. He followed this action after by dramatically letting his arms flop onto the desk, followed by a hoarse groan, and let his head slam down onto his forearms._

_"Would you stop that infernal hacking already?" Kakuzu voice came bursting in, as the man himself came strolling into Hidan's work quarter's through the examination room._

_"I would if I could, Dr. Satan. Fuckin' believe you, me." He said back, his voice nasally and cracking even at the low volume he used. He sniffed heavily again, unable to actually get any air through his nose and sending himself into another coughing fit from the small pressure it exerted into his lungs._

_When he'd finished, he looked wearily up at Kakuzu, who had stopped there in his tracks to stare at him just as goddamn stoic and unreadable as ever. He raised a brow, stretching his face to some emotion similar to sarcastic anger. "_ _Well? Hurry up and fucking nag at me and then get the fuck out of here. I'm miserable enough without having to look at your ugly fucking mug." Though it wasn't ugly, it was nice. Very nice, and he didn't mind getting to look at it at all._

No, Bad Hidan. Stop it.

_Kakuzu grunted and took a step toward him, extending the papers in his hands. "We're running low of a few supplies. I made a list here and printed out the repertoire of numbers that fills the needs for these items. You're going to call them in."_

_"Me? But I thought you handled all the financial shit." Hidan said in that annoying damn nasally voice that made him want to punch himself in the face, reaching to receive the item._

_Kakuzu pulled the papers just out of reach before the younger could latch onto them, eyes narrowing. "I usually do. Go wash your hands before you touch these."_

_The pale face contorted in annoyance, and he leaned pack to reach into the pocket of his jeans, pulling out what looked like a fat marker. He gave the elder man a toothy grin and popped the cap off. "Fuck that, having to do that shit's annoying. 'Tachi got me this convenient little shitter. Spray-on hand sanitizer. Ain't he a genius?" He said, taking off the cap with a small 'pop' and spraying it onto his opposing palm. He replaced the item into his pockets, rubbed his hands all over each other and then held them up, wiggling his fingers. "All clean! Now gimme."_

_With an irritated growl, the Doctor extended the papers once again, having them snatched out of his hands by a disturbingly eager albino. His eyes narrowed further in aggravation. "Do_ not _accept any of the 'special offers' they'll be showering you with. Order the supplies on that list, and ONLY the supplies on that list. If you get anything else, I'll throttle you."_

_"Tch. Go ahead. I'll call the Union and get your ass canned."_

_"Just get to work and stop blowing that trunk of yours."_

_"Hey fuck you, it's not my fault I'm sick. You could just let me stay home."_

_"And you could sign a resignation slip."_

_"Not a chance, shit-eater."_

_"Then get back to work." He said finally, turning with a whirl of his pristine-white labcoat and disappearing from the room._

_Hidan twirled a complete circle in his office chair before coming to a stop facing his desk. He stared back and forth between the papers he set down gently there, and the phone, for a moment before sighing._

_Kakuzu never let him do anything that involved spending money. At least not all last week he hadn't. Not only had he not let him do it, but he'd stated repeatedly that the old man would be long dead and buried before Hidan would ever be allowed to go near the clinic's monetary workings. And now all the sudden he was letting him do it._

_Surely the scrooge couldn't just be too busy. That was all he cared about, was money. He'd_ make _time._

_He clenched his eyes shut and put his head down into his hands._

_No, Don't turn this into a big deal. Don't think so much into it. He's not starting to like you, how could he? You haven't even really been doing anything... He told himself._

_Well, that wasn't true. He'd been doing everything in his power to do a damn good job with whatever task Kakuzu gave him. Every night last week he'd been sent home with insurance papers, which he'd dutifully stayed up and made sure to finish, (always with Itachi's help) and had actually helped the Doctor, through this, catch up onto all his recent unpaid bills. Whenever Hidan found himself with free time, he made copies of the schedule papers for the day ahead, pulled all the charts, checked the insurances, and left them on the counter in the examination room in a neat pile for the next day._

_Within the last week, he somehow fell into a sort of rhythm as far as answering the phones goes. After rummaging through the drawers once again, he'd found an old, unused scheduling book, and had turned this secondary book into a record of calls. He never transferred a phone call back to his Boss's office, instead pulled out the original scheduling books with the appointments, comparing the two, and informing them of a time when he would be free, and would therefore call them back. Then he'd write it down in the second book. Through this, he'd not only organized the older man's time better, he saved himself the trouble of having to run back and forth to that back room only to get barked at for 'not having the time right now, tell them to call back later'._

_He rubbed his chin in thought, grabbing a highlighter and letting his brows crease in concentration as he reviewed the list absently while still lost in thought._

_Perhaps that was why Kakuzu suddenly thought him trustworthy enough to handle such a task. Hidan of course, still hadn't realized exactly what he'd done just through those few simple things. Hell, idea's popped into his head like that all the time, he just went with it, not really thinking much of it other than the fact that it would make it less likely for him to get all confused and screw up._

_But maybe... maybe this was that old bastards ass-backward way of showing him he appreciated it?_

_Tch, no Hidan,_ no _._

_This was probably just some attempt to get him to fuck up. Giving him harder and more delicate missions._

_Damn that asshole._

_He scowled, pulling the phone over to him and getting ready to punch in the first number when he felt a strange sensation, the feeling that he was being watched. He turned back to the door to the examination room, not really expecting anything to be there, and thus, jumping terribly and letting out a loud swear when the Doctor actually_ was _standing there silently._

_"For fuck's sake! What the hell are you doing lurking there you creepy ass fucking old bastard!?"_

_"Watching you sit there and waste time and money."_

_"I wasn't wasting time! I was going over-"_

_"You don't need to go over the list. I already double checked it."_

_"Yeah well you didn't do it very fucking well because we're out of fucking Saftey-pops too. You gave the last one to that Konohamaru kid. Who was way to fucking old for goddamn sucker, by the fucking way. It's pathetic enough that he cried from a measly flu shot, don't fucking reward him for being a pussy."_

_Kakuzu was silent at this, still not having moved from his position. After a few everlasting moments of soundless staring, Hidan fidgeted in his seat._

_"Well what the fuck do you want? Don't you have shit to do?"_

_Still saying nothing, the larger man moved forward to stand in front of him, making Hidan swallow heavily and lean slightly backward in unease. He forced himself to keep looking at the taller man, towering over him since he was still sitting down, even though his instincts were telling him to advert his eyes. Especially when that weird sort of musky scent invaded his nostrils. Kakuzu's cologne? Or just his natural scent... It was too strong to be natural, he thought, but he could easily imagine it being so._

_It was hard to describe. Masculine completely, it was nothing like the new male deodorant they came out with, all that Axe* and Old Spice* that teenage guys (and Hidan) used. Something about it was... just weirdly comforting. Made him think of laying in a warm bed under a fuzzy blanket made of some mixture of satin and fleece..._

_He was brought back to attention when the man's hand shifted in his pocket, and a sort of rattling came out of it. He flinched for some reason even he wasn't sure of when the Doctor pulled the Item free and set it on the desk, probably harder than necessary._

_"Take these, pop them like candy every time you can spare a moment." His deep voice ground out, before he turned and started on his way presumably back to his office. "I'm tired of hearing your damn complaining, and since you refuse to drink any orange juice, this will suffice. And if I catch you sitting there doing nothing again, I have no problem assigning you more work."_

_Hidan blinked in confusion for a moment before he ripped his eyes away from staring at the man's backside as he disappeared around the corner and focused on the plastic pill-bottle now sitting on his desk._

_'Vitamin C -500 mg Tablets' the label read, with a picture of a half-peeled orange next to it._

_He stared for a few heartbeats, before finally succumbing to his curiosity and hesitantly reaching out to snatch up the jar and pop the lid off._

_'Look at that, not even child-proof. How fucking considerate... dick.'_

Strange occurrences such as these had been continuously happening. Weird little things that Hidan knew and recognized as uncharacteristic, but couldn't bring himself to mention to the old man or pursue for several different reasons. The first being he was fucking confused as fuck.

Since that saturday night when the elder man had been forced to stay the night at Hidan and Itachi's apartment, he'd returned to the behavior he'd elicited that very first day before he'd been aware of Hidan's background information. Insulting him for no reason, challenging his intelligence, instigating fights and bickering matches for absolutely no reason, as far as Hidan could see. And the albino really was doing his best to just put up with it, but it wasn't as if he could just sit there and let the fucking asshole act like that towards him. It had become equally obvious to the two that they were stuck with each other, each of them being the stubborn men that they were. Kakuzu would not (and could not) fire Hidan, and Hidan would not quit. And because of this, it seemed all the gloves had come off as far as their relationship went. Occasionally the violence between the two even reverted to a physical nature. Nothing more ever than punches on the shoulder or hard whacks upside the back of the head, Hidan almost always being the victim due to the fact that that shitter of an old man was made of fucking stone or something and every time he tried to strike back he usually ended up hurting himself more than Dr. Hoku. And yet neither of them ever gave in. Usually it just ended up with someone getting too frustrated to continue the argument and walking away, leaving the other grinning to themselves in silent, momentary victory.

That was easy to understand though, the confusing part was the random little moments when Kakuzu was actually nice to him. Like the situation that had occurred then with his cold. They sent Hidan's head into beehive mode again, usually frustrating him to the point where he just disregarded the action completely simply to spare himself the headache of toiling over it the way he did.

The mixed messages were so hard to understand. The doctor did these insignificant little favors for him, giving him more responsibilities, or medicine to help him, the occasional bit of heavily camouflaged advice, and on very, VERY rare occasions, some sort of wayward compliment, usually followed very quickly by an insult.

The most confusing thing about these is that they were so neutral, the way he went about it. They could be taken and run with in either direction if you didn't really stop and think about it. This was what usually got his head spinning, was trying to determine whether or not these things actually were what he suspected them to be, or if they meant nothing at all and were just random things that the Doctor did to confuse him and piss him off and therefore trick him into becoming so overwhelmed that he would simply give up and quit.

Really, there was no way to make sense of it.

_Damn this stupid goddamn brain!_

 

.

 

The best part of his week, in the months following that, were, of course, the weekends. Though not for the reason's most people had.

Hidan had become a shut-in, which of course worried Itachi and apparently spurred him into becoming an annoying, nosy, nuisance of a roommate. As the albino rarely left his room anymore, Itachi seemed to be constantly knocking, demanding Hidan come out and do something with him, even offering to watch the disgusting sort of movies that Hidan was into, offering to make him his favorite meals, or going out to eat. Bribing him by claiming to let the zealot drive his car to the grocery store, if only he'd just get out of that room and go with him.

On most occasions, Hidan obliged reluctantly. Only for the fact that despite everything new and captivating that he busied himself with, he was still Hidan. He would never, EVER say no to being spoiled, especially when he didn't have to beg, or even ask.

These little occurrences however grew old after a few more months passed by. Mainly, after Hidan got his first paycheck and used it to buy something that pretty well made leaving his room for anything other than using the toilet or eating, obsolete.

.

_"UCHIHA! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!" He's shouted excitedly, bursting through the front door once again. He couldn't withhold his excitement, he's already whooped and hollered right in Kakuzu's big dumb face, doing a small dance that would have been humiliating had he not been so damn happy before taking off and sprinting the whole way across town to the apartment._

_Even now he stood in the doorway, panting heavily with little puffs of white still flowing from his mouth thanks to the door he'd left wide open behind him._

_"ITACHI GODDAMMIT GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OUT HERE!" He bellowed again, whirling around and kicking the door shut, not bothering to stomp the snow from his boots as he vaulted over 'his' couch and ran down the hallway._

_The bathroom door swung open just as he reached it, and he and his roommate collided with each other painfully, with Itachi falling back onto the linoleum and Hidan crashing back into the wall. He was back on his feet within half a second though, only to leap forward like a damn dog and pin his frantically confused roommate to the floor._

_"Hidan for God's sake what the-"_

_"Look what_ I _fucking got today!" He interrupted excitedly, shoving the small piece of paper so close to the man's face that there was no possible way he could read it._

_"What-"_

_"I got_ paid _motherfucker! Look at that shit! Look at all the fucking numbers! Look at it!" He shouted again, now actually putting the check flush against Itachi's face, who's relaxed down back onto the floor, sighing in annoyance._

_"Hidan, please get off me."_

_"Are you looking?"_

_"I can't see anything, you have it against my eyes!"_

_"Well open them up and look!"_

_"Hidan! Get the hell off!"_

_With an irritated growl, Hidan pushed himself back up to a standing position, extending a hand to help his roommate up off the cold floor._

_"Oh hey, your nose is bleeding." He said calmly, pointing his index finger a mere millimeter away from the Uchiha's petite nose. The raven-hair whirled to the mirror, scowling, and then swiped a few tissues from the box on the back of the toilet._

_"Probably from running into your dense head..." He muttered, using his free hand that wasn't holding the kleenex to his nose to press against his head. "Oh God, I have a terrible headache now..."_

_"Tch, don't worry about it, I'll buy you an ice pack. I can do that now cause LOOK I FUCKING GOT PAID!" Hidan said again, nearly bouncing up and down with excitement, holding the small piece of paper up that had just a small drop of blood on the lower right-hand corner._

_"Good Lord Hidan,_ stop shouting." _Itachi said, snatching the check from the man's hands to study it further. "You act as if it's the strangest thing in the world to get paid by your job." He mumbled, eyes squinted as he looked at it._

_"Will you just shut up and look at how fucking much I got? That's fucking insane right? I've NEVER made that much in a month at ANY fucking job I've ever had before."_

_Itachi's brows creased before he turned to hand the small piece of paper back to his roommate. He pulled the tissue from his nose and tossed it in the trash, regarding his reflection in the mirror to determine if it was still bleeding or not. "Yes, I thought you said you were getting minimum wage?"_

_"I am."_

_"You're sure?"_

_"That's what he said."_

_"That's quite a bit of money Hidan..." Itachi said uncertainly._

_"Yeah I know. It's from all those fucking extra hours in the morning and night, I end up building way more than 40 hours so I get paid time and a half for everything past that. And I've been working through most of my breaks, except lunch because you and that fucking asshole keep making me eat... But I just scarf it down and get back to work, only takes like 15 minutes."_

_"You haven't been taking your breaks? When do you smoke?"_

_"I don't. I just wait till we get off and have one while I'm waiting for you to come get me."_

_"You go_ all day _without a cigarette?!"_

_"Uh, yeah. That's what I just fucking said. And it obviously fucking paid off because LOOK AT THIS SHIT! ALMOST TWO AND A HALF THOUSAND FUCKING DOLLARS!" He shouted once more, slapping the check onto Itachi's face again._

_The shorter man pushed it off with an aggravated growl. "Well that's wonderful, now you can start paying off your dept to Dr. Nara. And your hospital bills, and criminal fines, and everything else you owe money too." He paused for a moment, looking Hidan up and down. "And most importantly, get yourself a decent coat."_

_Hidan waved this away, whirling to move quickly back to the living room. "Yeah yeah, I'll do that later. There's something I need first though."_

_Itachi followed, another tissue held to his nose. "Hidan, you need to be very careful with how you spend your money, you owe the state and government quite a bit. You have to get your debts paid off and behind you so you can start your life back up."_

_Hidan whirled, anger flashing through him momentarily. Anger and Hurt._

_"What? Trying to get rid of me or somethin'? You want me out of your life that bad huh?"_

_"What? That's not what I meant at all."_

_"Oooh yeah, You want your place back to yourself so you have somewhere private for you and Shark-dick to fuck."_

_"Hidan, first of all, he has his own place, and for the millionth time we have not had sex and don't plan to for awhile. But that's irrelevant. I don't want you out, I'm just trying to help you. I thought you_ wanted _to get back on your feet?"_

 _Hidan blinked, clearing his throat. Right, right, stupid brain. This was just the beginning of some meltdown. It had to be, how else could he be angry right now, he had enough money to get everything he needed. And it wasn't even that that made his heart pound so hard with excitement. It was the fact that he had_ earned _every single scent of it, all on his own. It was the fact that Kakuzu, the fucking scrooge and money-grubber of the century, had looked at him with such disdain when he'd handed him the silly piece of paper. That he had won a very large battle against the man fair and square, robbed him of one of the things he loved most through determination and dedication. The money itself could burn, as far as he was concerned..._

_But, there WAS something he needed. See, when he had the chance, he went to the library, printing out papers and informations he would need to go about learning this hobby that had become his second obsession. He was excited for it, really, and constantly thanked God for the idea to finally pop into his head, for the determination to finally come to him for him to care enough to pursue this endeavor. And Itachi, of course, for starting it all with just that one little comment._

_But, learning off of paper only went so far with Hidan, he was a hands-on type of guy, unsurprisingly. And since he didn't know of anyone to help teach him in person, he had to find some way to get ahold of an old buddy he'd met in one of the psychiatric wards he'd been in that he knew could help him. He needed something to look at, hear, watch, and imitate. And that couldn't be done with just a cell phone. So, more intricate technology was called for._

_"I'm gonna be fucking responsible, 'Tachi. Calm your tits." He chuckled, "But we need to go fucking Wal-mart*. 'Cause like I said, there's something I need."_

_"And what is that?"_

_"Just something."_

_"You know I'm not going to take you unless you tell me."_

_Hidan sighed angrily and dramatically. "Jesus fucking christ I need a goddamn Laptop okay?"_

_Itachi's face shifted to surprise at this. "A laptop? Why?"_

_"Just fucking because, goddamn! It's a fucking secret okay! I told you what I'm getting so let's fucking go!" Hidan shouted, taking large steps over to the front door._

_"Now wait a minute Hida! I can respect your privacy but really, just out of curiosity, what do you need a laptop for?" He cocked his hip now, raising a brow in a disgustingly embarrassing pose of a bitchy female._

_Hidan scoffed at this, rolling his eyes. "I need to get back in touch with an old friend. I wanna use that Skype* shit everyone always talks about."_

_"Who and why?" Itachi persisted, making Hidan grit his teeth._

_This was it, the beginning point where he would have to start lying just to keep his secret hobby a secret. right now was the deciding point, he was at the fork in the road, with one path leading down into an ugly, infested, miserable forest of untruths, the other a sunshiney clear path of honesty. One the one hand, lying to Itachi would not only piss him off, but make the albino lose the Uchiha's trust, even though it wasn't a big fucking deal... On the other hand, lying would get the bastard off his back and let him resume on his way without having to take the annoying amount of time it would take to explain._

_He opted to make his own road. To lie, without lying. To be honest, without telling the whole truth._

_"Because. I'm trying to get a hobby." He started, eyes flicking around the room as he processed this thought further. "But, I don't want anyone to know about it until I've mastered it."_

_Itachi stared at him in feigned boredom meant to look like impatience. "Hidan..."_

_"It's not anything bad. I promise, just... c'mon. Let me have my fucking freedom."_

_"It doesn't have anything to do with things you know I wouldn't approve of, right?"_

_"I swear to God, 'Tachi. It's nothing bad. I just don't wanna fucking tell you."_

_"Well if it's not bad then why can't you tell me? I can keep a secret."_

_"NO! It's a surprise!"_

_"A surprise for who?"_

_"For fucking everyone! Oh my fucking God can we go already?" He said loudly, opening the door and gesturing to it, looking expectantly at the Uchiha, trying to restrain his bubbling anger._

_Fucking ridiculous, maybe he_ did _need to get out of this house, if only to have some goddamn privacy..._

Since Itachi had finally relented, and Hidan had finally gotten his wish and purchased a laptop, as well as a coat (and also some nicer clothes for work after a long and infuriating argument with the Uchiha),and then he gave his roommate the remainder of the money to pay off his various bills with, which had pleased his best friend to no end.

The albino didn't care, really. To him, money was only means to reach an end. He'd never cared much about being rich, in fact he hated the fact that bartering was a dying art, and everything now revolved around money the way it did. He never felt any need for it, though there were often times he wished he had it, it was never for simple greed. The only time money made him happy was when he could use it to help himself accomplish something. Having excess? Well, needless to say he didn't care for it. He had everything he needed at the moment, so Itachi could go throw it in the air and dance around in it for all he cared. Though he knew he wouldn't. That princess would take care of it for him, he knew.

And to be perfectly honest, He had yet to make plans of moving out. Repaying his dear friend, yes, of course. That was the reason he'd so desperately needed the job. But Hidan San may be an idiot, but he was no fool. He didn't trust himself to live on his own just yet, not only did he know absolutely nothing about bills and mortgages and all that kind of shit that you had to take care of, he had no interest in learning it. And to add to that, without guidance, he wasn't completely sure he wouldn't just abuse the freedom and go back to his old ways.

A part of him knew he had no need to be worried about this, he was a stubborn, zealous man, after all. And he'd come so very far that throwing it all away would be the stupidest damn thing he'd ever done in his life, even stupider so than getting involved in the habits in the first place.

But, it still plagued him, the fear did. That, and having to sleep alone in his own house or apartment. No way, fuck that. He'd rather be called a mooch for the rest of his life.

 

.

 

After days and days of first figuring out how to work the fucking machine he bought, countless hours of holding back the brimming anger and impatience that the infernal thing caused when it refused to bend to his will, then another week of searching, he finally got in contact with the bitch he was looking for. She was out of the mental institution, just like him, staying with a girlfriend until she too, got back on her feet. He laughed at the irony of this, and thanked God for the internet, where you could find any random bit of information on any person anywhere in the world with just the click of a few keys.

_"Hello?"_

_Hidan smiled into the phone at hearing her voice. "Hey Pinky, how the fuck are you?"_

_"... No fucking way! Hidan? Seriously? Is this your stupid ass talking to me right now!?"_

_"The one and only, bitch, it's not another one of your fantasies, if that's what you're asking."_

_"Oh well fuck me running! I can't believe this! It's seriously you, fucker?"_

_"Yes goddammit, now shut your whore mouth for a sec. I need your help. You got a laptop?"_

_"Kat does... Holy shit I still can't believe I'm talking to Hidan fucking San. That's crazy. I thought they like, fucking, like... monitored us or some shit to make sure we didn't contact each other outside of that shithole."_

_"Did you just say Kat? You dumb whore, only you would fucking move in with a hooker, Tayuya." He grinned even more, memories of their short friendship together at his 6th rehab center and her 3rd flooding his mind and filling him with excitement and a longing sort of sadness at the same time._

_"Hey, she's hot. Fuck off. "_

_"Tch. Please. That's obviously the name of a hooker."_

_"She's not a damn hooker! You're just jealous that_ you _can't have me."_

_"Hah, I think you're backward, Tayuya, babe. You still want my dick, don't deny it."_

_"I'm not denying shit. But I told you I swore off dudes, that hasn't changed, too much fucking trouble. You're a perfect example, fuckface."_

_"Oh hey yeah, did you ever get around to killing your ex-husband?"_

_"Nahh... Turns out they send you to actual prison for that shit. I mean, I could plead insanity but, you know, Ya get locked up either fucking way."_

_"I know it, fucking bastards. I've had to hold back from slitting a few throats too..."_

_"People are just so stupid these days, ya know? '_ Oh you're a crazy person so that obviously makes you brain-dead.'  _Fucking Idiots..."_

_"Yeah... I'm glad someone see's my side of things."_

_"Yeah, anyway, What the hell is this about a laptop?"_

_"'Cause, I need you to help me with some shit."_

_"Hah! There's no help for you, fucker."_

_"Shut your dumb trap and lemme talk huh? Does your hooker have skype?"_

_"Shes not a goddamn hooker you fucking ass-farmer! And I don't know if she does or not. Why?"_

_"Again, dumbshit. Because I need your help."_

_"Well you're gonna have to fucking make more sense before I start making agreements, bitch."_

_"I wanna learn to play guitar." He snapped then, fed up with all this goddamn prying, and receiving a long silence over the line. He steeled himself for the bashing that would probably follow, knowing Tayuya the way he did, and how she made fun of everyone for everything, even if she approved._

_"Why?" She snorted, obviously holding back a laugh._

_"Because I just fucking want to! Damn what's with everyone these fucking days!? Do I need a reason to wipe my ass too!? Damn! Are you gonna help me or not?"_

_She finally did burst into laughter at this point. "What? What? You gonna_ serenade _someone? HAHA! Hidan playing the guitar, that's priceless. It's even fucking worse 'cause I could totally see your stupid ass embarrassing yourself like that up on a stage!" She paused for more laughing, while Hidan sighed and rubbed his eyes._

_"I'm Hidan fucking San~" She sang in her admittedly beautiful voice. Even when she was just fucking around it was pretty. Which was exactly why he wanted her help. He was a musical prodigy, as far as he was concerned. The bitch played 13 different instruments, as well as had the ability to sing beautifully just about any genera of music in any pitch. No one knew more about the subject than this chick._

_"And I'm sooo sensitive~ Look at me, strumming away, listen to my words, and feel the heat~"_

_"Yeah, okay I get it. It's fucking funny..."_

_"Come to my bed, you sweet little thing~ And let me tear the fuck into you while you suck my dick and I make you bleed~" She finished off in a much more metal tone, then bursting into laughter again, which he couldn't help but join in on._

_Shit, it was funny, so what?_

_"You know me so well..."_

_"Yeah well, us crazies aren't exactly docile in bed. But anyway, so you wanna fucking learn guitar eh? Are you gonna pay me?"_

_"I can, I guess, if you're gonna be a stingy fucking bitch about it."_

_"Hey! I gotta make money off this deal, can't get a fucking job since I finally got out of that fucking prison they had us locked up in. No one wants to hire the crazy bitch!"_

_"Tch, fucking godless heathen."_

_"Yeah yeah, money is sin but you_ know _it's important. So fuck your stupid faith. Pay me, and we got a deal."_

_He growled, mainly just for show, having pretty well expected this. "Sure. Whatever, I don't need the shit anyway. Just help me out huh?"_

_"I'm assuming your retarded self managed to land a job then, since you have money to offer."_

_"Unfortunatly..."_

_"How the fuck did you manage that? Or maybe it's just cause I'm a chick. Fucking stupid sexist bastards, like having a vagina makes you more crazy than someone with a cock."_

_"Eh, long fucking story. It was kind of an accident. The asshole I work for didn't actually check my file before he hired me. And now it turns out he can't let me go cause of some human rights law or some fucking shit like that."_

_"Daaaaamn, lucky break, Hidan. Lucky break. You sure you're not Irish?"_

_"No I'm not fucking Irish you dumb infected fucking twat-licker!"_

_She laughed again, "Damn, it's good to hear your fucking voice ya know? Brings back them old memories. Oooh, the shenanigans. I'm pretty sure a couple of those dumbass nurses ended up admitting themselves to that place." She said, the entire sentence enclosed in laughter. "Yeah dude, no prob, I'll help you out. Send me an e-mail okay? We'll work all this shit out."_

And so the shut-in had become even more of a hermit. Running straight to his room each and every night after Itachi brought him home. He'd even gotten into the habit of propping a chair up against the door handle so that the Uchiha would stop his annoying little interventions. And finally, after another few months, he seemed to get the picture.

 

.

 

Christmas had long-since passed by now, as well as New years, and Valentines day. And each paycheck Hidan received went directly to Itachi after cashing it. The Uchiha had set up a bank account for Hidan, gotten him a checkbook and a debit card, and had forced him to sit there and learn how to properly keep track of his money. He showed him all the debts he'd been slowly paying off for the albino, and after being mostly ignored throughout the entire lesson, finally stormed away in anger.

Hidan payed no mind. He didn't fucking care about money, and didn't understand why everyone kept pushing the knowledge on him like this. When he'd gone bitching to Tayuya, during one of their lessons about Itachi's behavior, (they had pretty well filled each other in on their lives and all the general things that had happened since then, though Hidan had left out the part about having feelings for his boss) she'd had the fucking nerve to actually side with  _him_.

_"You know. You kind of have been ignoring him. I mean, when you're not at work you're online with me. What's he supposed to think?"_

_"He's supposed to be fucking happy that I'm taking his advice. I told him I'm not doing anything bad, why the fuck can't he just trust me?"_

_"Awe, look at you Hidan. You two would be so cute together you know?"_

_"EW! SHUT THE FUCK UP! Itachi is soooooo not my type."_

_"Meh, whatever. I still think it's hilarious that you live with a fucking shrink."_

_"I think it's hilarious that they gave an Uchiha a legal license to help other people fix their problems. That family is so fucked..."_

_"And you totally have room to talk, huh?"_

_"Oh what, so just cause I'm a psycho I can't comment on other peoples lives?"_

_Tayuya's image on the computer screen only stared at him in entertainment. She was wearing another animal beanie today, as she always did. This bitch had always had a creepy obsession with wild hats. The one she had today looked like a disfigured panda, or maybe a raccoon. It was honestly hard to tell, what with her thick, unmanageable hair poofing out from under it the way it did._

_She was naturally a blonde, he'd figured out after asking her thousands of times, but he'd only ever seen her with this hot-pink hair. She'd told him once that she'd been dyeing it that same color since she was seven, because her invisible friend had told her he thought maybe she was supposed to be born as a rose, but somehow ended up having her soul put in a human form._

_Yeah... she was a crazy bitch._

_"See this is the problem with you men, you know? You're so insensitive! The poor guy is just trying to fucking help you. And you keep blowing him off. You're being a shitty friend."_

_"Hey, I'm not paying you to pry into my personal life, bitch. Get back to teaching me Chords." He growled, brows dropping._

_The girl on the screen scoffed and rolled her eyes, grabbing her zebra-striped acoustic guitar and bringing it back to her lap. "You know this would be a lot fucking easier if you'd just go get a damn guitar. It doesn't make sense for you to somehow magically just learn guitar just by watching me. You have to let your own fingers learn too. It's like typing or riding a bike, you have to practice."_

_"Goddammit for the millionth time, if I get a guitar, then he'll know."_

_"So what?" She shrugged, focusing on putting her fingers in the right places on the strings. "We're gonna do something a little harder, but still simple today. Spiders, by System of a down*. Most songs generally only have three separate chords that they arrange into different contexts. Some of them have more, but that comes later. We'll just focus on this one song for now, this is the one I started on when I learned guitar."_

_"Sweet. I love System."_

_"Everyone loves System, douchetard. You didn't answer my question though, why can't you just tell your fucking_ best friend _that you're learning guitar? Does he have like repressed memories or some shit that'll make him flip out and kill you?"_

_"Ugh, It's none of your goddamn business Pinky! Would you just get back to the fucking lesson bitch?"_

She had a point. Eventually he was going to have to get one. He knew the basics now, and shit he didn't really think he needed to know, even though he kind of did. Like everyone else in the fucking world, she seemed to be able to read him like a book, and had forced him to learn the who fucking shebang about music.

She actually was a good teacher, as much as it pissed him off, drilling sheet music, notes, making him learn to recognize each one, making him hum them all in the right octave and then laughing at him and teasing him for the embarrassing display, forcing all that shit into his head before she'd finally,  _finally_  grabbed her own guitar and started showing him what he really needed to know. It had started first with the act of actually learning to tune the guitar, and then the basics of chords, now she was finally moving past all the stupid 'starter' songs like row your boat and Mary had a little lamb, onto  _real_ songs.

By this time Hidan could listen to a song and mentally map out the tune and rhythm on paper with ease. And during the late nights, after Tayuya and Itachi had both gone to bed, he secretly scribbled down the musical accompaniment to lyrics he had long since put together into a song, cementing them into reality, persay. Making it come closer and closer into a realization that he was actually doing this, that he was really going to pursue this little hobby into something more, should he ever get over the sick feeling he got when he imagined singing out loud for random strangers to hear. Letting them see into his head, into his confusing, personal thoughts...

Thoughts that still made little sense to him, and discouraged him just as much as they did the opposite. Especially when at work, doing meaningless tasks as he hummed or sang softly to himself. A small piece of him seemed to rest constantly on the knowledge that his boss, that asshole he unfortunately still seemed to have a weird sort of crush on, was sitting just out of hearing range in his office, and at any moment might come up the hall and hear him singing. This thought terrified him even though he sometimes daydreamed about the elder man sitting there listening fondly to him... He didn't know what he would actually do it if ever did happen, but in the back of his mind, sitting there next to the small little amount of hope he held, he knew it wouldn't

_"This is how I show my love~..." He would mumble-sing, doing his duties on autopilot, pausing every so often when a patient came in or the phone rang to tell them to wait or have them fill out paperwork, or to jot down a note or schedule a callback. "I made it in my mind because... I blame it on my A.D.D Baby~..."*_

_Yeah, That song was kind of like Kakuzu..._

_"This is how an angel cries... I blame it on my own sick pride... I blame it on my A.D.D baby..."_

_Or perhaps more like Hidan. Or maybe them both. Damn, he couldn't get the fucker off his mind anymore. Every song he decoded, every lyric he learned, it somehow related to the old man, even if it didn't make sense considering the fact that he still didn't know him that well. Even if it was about something completely unrelated to the man, it somehow led to thoughts about the old man. Always Kakuzu..._

_Kakuzu, Kakuzu, Kakuzu..._

He hated it. He hated it and yet was happy for it in a weird sort of way, this little crush he had. It was exciting, sort of. He'd never really cared about anything before, which had kept him from functioning like the normal person half of him had always wanted to be. And now, this weird feeling, since he'd gotten this job, the world seemed to hold more meaning.  _His life_  seemed to hold more meaning. He had aspirations, finally, goals, things he actually  _wanted,_ enough so to get him off his ass and actually go after them.

One of the hardest parts of having a job before had been the simple act of getting up and going. There had never been a point, before, no reason to push him toward going. Many a day he had simply blown off his job just to go drink or whatever other means of non-sobriety he could get his hands on. Simply for the fact that he had never felt the necessity to go to work.

But now, he didn't mind going. He wasn't exactly happy about it, especially since the hours Kakuzu kept were ridiculous and took up his entire day. But, there was just something different about it now. Something, as normal for him, he couldn't really explain.

He didn't want to be so stupid as to say it was all because of this unwanted infatuation, but he always wasn't so stupid as to believe it didn't have some small part.

It was... it was just confusing... far too confusing. As everything was.

 

.

 

More months passed, the snow slowly melted away, Daylights Savings Time came and went, the weather warmed slightly, the sun came out more often, and it wasn't until Kakuzu once again begrudgingly handed him an envelope with his name on it on the last work day of the month that he suddenly realized that it was almost April.

This disturbed him, for reasons he didn't try to understand. And now he stared at the envelope blandly as he raised a cigarette to his lips, inhaling deeply. He was leaned back against the tin outer wall of the clinic, facing the parking lot, waiting as he did every night for Itachi's car to pull in.

He stared down at the envelope, melancholy, wondering why he didn't have the urge to rip it open and see how much he'd made this month.

 _Because money is useless..._  he thought to himself, blinking slowly. It would be just about the same as every other month anyway. Just short of 2,500... It hadn't been so long ago since he'd been handed that very first envelope, and had been so overcome with excitement that he couldn't contain it. But now, only a few short months later... he felt nothing. This only made his mood plummet further. Why wasn't he happy now? It felt like just the other day he'd realized how content he was with his new lifestyle, and now all the sudden it wasn't enough. Dear God, was this stupid brain EVER satisfied?

A car door slammed over to his right, and he jerked his head as the engine purred in the dim, dim light of the late afternoon. He watched his boss pull out in his sleek, black Dodge. He didn't know the model, had never bothered to ask, and had never really had an eye for cars as most men did. He knew the basic brands names, and would occasionally give his input on a conversation regarding them. But the only information he knew was related solely to the things he overhead other men talking about.

 _Kakuzu was probably a car person_ , he thought.  _I could see him restoring some junky old piece as a side hobby... even though he probably doesn't._

No, on second thought, Kakuzu was too... too distinguished of a man to do something dirty like that...

He felt that familiar tightness in his chest, when the tanned-skinned man himself glanced up to look at him for a moment before shifting into drive and spinning the wheel, then driving away. And he stared sadly after him, absently taking another drag of the cigarrette, before his pale eyes shifted down to stare at the smoking stick in his hands.

His face contorted slightly in anger, and on impulse he flicked the thing, only partially smoked, out into the parking lot, glaring at it the whole way as it hit the ground, sparked, and fizzled out.

What was the point? He reasoned, not even bothering to fight the depressed mood as it set in with nothing having triggered it at all.

What was the point of anything? He mused. The days dragged on and on, coming, going, always the same thing. He got up, went to work, went home, had his lessons and gossip session with Tayuya, pretty well ignoreing Itachi, and then the next day came. He worked and worked as hard as he could at these two things which had suddenly become the centers of his life, never did anything else. And what had he gained from it yet? Kakuzu didn't acknowledge him, though half of him didn't want him to, because it would only make things more confusing. Their little relationship had not made any changes at all during the work days, Ever since that night when he and Shark-dick had stayed the night, things seemed to have come to a standstill between them.

He didn't know why this bummed him out the way it did. He could only rationalize it in the usual complicated ways he did everything else. Having that giant realization, though it had alarmed him, terrified him, made him want to die... it had sort of been nice too, In a way. He'd never really had a crush before. He'd never admired anyone from a distance the way he did his boss. He didn't know how to go about things like this, and he was afraid to do anything.

In a way, that night had sort of felt to him almost like the opening of a door of oppurtunity.

He wasn't sure if it opened both ways though. And had it been with just about anyone else in the world, he probably would have done somthing about this annoying little fluffyness in his stomache by now.

But Kakuzu... how could he?

This wasn't any normal situation. It wasn't some fucking highschool drama. It was a pitiful fucking tragedy, is what it was. Kakuzu was a distinguished, sucessful, confident man with a thriving business, a house, a life, years of experience more than the pale man. Hidan was a mentally fucked man-child with a shitty history and not much promise of a better future. Not to mention his boss was an old fucking man, however old he actually fucking was. Forget the personality differences, forget the life differences, the  _age_  difference alone was just... well... hard to get past.

Not for Hidan, really. He'd had plenty of time to mule it over, plenty of time to stare secretly at the man when he wasn't looking, plenty of time to decide that if, miraculously, something happened, he probably wouldn't mind pursueing an opportunity.

But maybe, he thought, Dr. Hoku would probably have a problem with it... He had an image to keep up, after all. Standards to live up to. Even if he really was bisexual like Itachi said, there's no way he'd ever be caught dead with someone like Hidan...

He sighed, staring at the spot where his cigarette had landed and wishing he hadn't thrown it. Damn it, what a waste.

Instead he pulled out another one, getting angry because of it, and lit it up. After replacing the pack back into his pocket, he reached over to his other one, pulling out his phone to check the time.

9:17 p.m.

Hmm, Itachi should be here by now...

He absently took a drag of the cigarette, leaning his head back against the wall to look up at the sky. The stars were beginning to come out, now that the sun had finally set. They were kind of pretty, in a stupid girly-sounding kind of way.

Hm, that Uchiha... he  _had_  been being a shitty friend lately, hadn't he? Maybe that was what he needed, a bullshit session with the guy. After all, his birthday was in a couple days, and it was the weekend. Maybe he could talk him into letting him skip his medicines for a weekend and they could go out to the bar. Shit, he wouldn't even care if Shark-dick came... All he knew was he suddenly felt the desperate need to break this cycle of monotony and do something impulsive and probably stupid. After all, he'd been resisting his mischievous nature for months. It was about fucking time he was rewarded with a night of debauchery.

At last a pair of headlights pulled into the distant entry of the parking lot, and he pushed himself off the wall, working to finish this cigarette before he had to get in the car. That tightwad roommate of his wouldn't let him smoke in the car, and he didn't want to waste another one.

So at least it was settled as to what he'd do tonight. He'd spend some time with Itachi, give Tayuya the night off, after texting her and letting her know, of course.  _Damn responsibilities._  Maybe that manipulative, mind-raping bastard could help him come to some sort of conclusion on this awful infatuation situation, seeing as he was the one who'd sparked the realization in the first place.

His silver car pulled up and came to a stop in the parking spot right in front of him. He gave the gloomy-looking man inside a big grin, flicking his cancer stick off into the darkness, and made his way to the passenger door.

 

* * *

 

 

Time had passed in much the same way for the Uchiha. Seeming to have flown by with far-exaggerated speed now that it had passed the way it did, but slinking slowly at a snails pace while he'd been actually in the midst of it.

His time had been relatively less exciting than Hidan's, he thought, seeing as he'd pretty much become invisible to the man except when he wanted something. For the longest time this had infuriated him, and also hurt him as well once he got over his concern.

When the seclusion had first started, he'd been able to chide the man into coming out every so often with any little favor he could think of that might draw him out. It had been sort of entertaining, back then when he'd considered it nothing more than a phase. It reminded him almost of adopting an abused animal, having to bribe them out from under the bed and gain their trust.

And then Hidan had received his first paycheck, and he'd been physically assaulted in the man's excitement. He'd forgiven him easily enough for the bloody nose, it was so hard to be upset with an excited Hidan, after all. And it was also based off the fact that he'd thought there for awhile, as they made the trip to the much larger town 30 minutes South so Hidan could purchase his laptop, that his little phase had ended and he would start coming out of the bedroom more often.

He was wrong, made apparent after the following few days passed and he'd actually kept himself cooped up in that tiny room even more than before.

Itachi had let him be for the first few days, thinking that maybe he wanted the laptop so he could get some sort of online college degree. Or perhaps something similar to that. He knew obviously that he was learning  _something_  with it, seeing as he'd stated that he was getting himself a hobby. He'd been pleased with it, of course, since Hidan had actually accepted and followed his advice, as the oblivious albino rarely ever did unless the Uchiha drilled it over and over into his head and usually  _still_  had to force him even after that.

After a couple more weeks had passed, however, he grew tired of it. Yes, it was good that he was learning something new, but something so easily influenced into bad moods based on their surroundings simply could not keep themselves the way he had been.

He'd consulted with Kisame finally, at a lack of any other ideas aside from just annoying the man out of his bedroom, and also in need mainly of just someone to talk to, since he and Hidan never got to anymore.

.

 

_"I don't know what to do about it... It been going on for ages..." He said, settled comfortably in the man's lap, sitting sideways with his upper body leaning against the man's thickly muscled chest._

_Kisame was currently tossing up pieces of popcorn, catching them in his mouth and crunching away for a few minutes before he threw another one up, repeating the action._

_Neither of them were paying attention to the movie playing on Kisame's television._

 

_"I don't even think he knows I'm gone right now. I didn't bother telling him, since he doesn't pay attention anyway. I haven't gotten any texts at all. It's like he doesn't even care anymore..."_

_"Well, have you tried just asking him what's going on?" Kisame replied through a mouthful of kernels. He tossed another one up, but this one missed his mouth, and he breathed out a curse as it fell to the cushions of his sectional and slipped between the cracks._

_"Of course I have! He just says 'Nothing.' or 'None of your business' or something like that. Tell's me not to worry about it." He twisted to absently reach between the seat and pluck the stray bit of popcorn that the scarred man seemed to be having trouble finding and tossed it to the trashcan on the other side of the room. It hit it's target perfectly, and Kisame let out a whistle of appreciation._

_"We really need to have a one on one one of these days, babe. You should come with me to the gym, they've got a sweet court there, and you can knock those cocky roid-heads down a few notches when you kick their asses too."_

_"There is no fixing arrogance, Kisa. Besides, they'd just make fun of you for being with a man."_

_"You can pretend to be a chick. Just put a bra on, stuff some socks in it or something. It'd be funny!"_

_Itachi laughed and flopped back down to his previous condition. "Maybe. You'll have to come up with a better argument than that. Quit changing the subject."_

_The larger man sighed dramatically and let his head fall to the back of the couch. "All you ever talk about is the kid though! Don't you have any other problems I could help you solve? Any at all?"_

_Itachi considered this for a moment, grabbing himself a few pieces of popcorn and popping them into his own mouth._

_"Well... It's still about Hidan... But it's something you could definitely help me with."_

_"Ugh, what if I just let you paint my toenails again?"_

_"I'd be happy to, but I still need advice. I don't know much about this topic, as you do."_

What his rroommate wasn't aware of (Though really, he should be, seeing as both he and that girl he always talked to were both obnoxiously loud) is that he'd made a discovery recently. Just earlier that day, in fact.

As he mentioned earlier, he hadn't told Hidan that he was going over to Kisame's for a date-night of sorts. What he hadn't mentioned was that he had started to, but stopped when he heard the albino and that girl, Tayuya was her name, he remembered, having one of their little chats.

_"No you idiot! Watch my fingers. Now tell me, which chord is this?"_

_"Uh... Em... right?"_

_"Oh my fucking God. Why don't you just get a goddamn guitar."_

_"I just can't. Okay, Wait, that's Am, isn't it?"_

_"Holy shit, you actually got it. Yes, when you have your index finger just behind the first fret of the 2nd string, and your middle and ring fingers on the 4th and 3rd strings, that's an Am Chord. It's one of the simplest fucking ones, it shouldn't take you this goddamn long to figure it out."_

_"Bitch! It's not my fucking fault! I can't hardly see your prissy little goddamn fingers on this goddamn screen. Put the fucking cam closer!"_

_"Oh for fuck's sake Hidan. Can you see THIS one!?"_

_"Ohoho you're so fucking talented, flipping me off. Go fuck yourself."_

_"I would gladly, at least I wouldn't have to deal with your stupid ass. God how does your roomie even deal with your dense fucking face!"_

_"Maybe you're just a bad teacher you fucking cunt! Just move the goddamn cam closer!"_

_"Or, hey, how bout this? GO GET A GUITAR!"_

_"Yeah, and I'll fuck your mother while I'm out!"_

_"HAH! Have fun with that. Did I tell you she has a tattoo above her twat that says 'Enter at your own risk'?"_

_"Why the fuck are you looking at your mom's vag!?"_

_"I WAS KIDDING YOU FUCKING IDIOT!"_

Itachi had more or less sprinted out of the apartment at that time, not wanting to hear anymore of those two's vulgar and childish conversation. But he was interested in what he'd overheard.

 

So Hidan was trying to learn how to play the guitar eh?

He'd laughed as he thought about it. Only Hidan would be oblivious enough to try and learn how to play an instrument without actually having one. And only Hidan would have some strange reason to try and keep such a perfectly acceptable thing a secret. The Uchiha couldn't, for the life of him, figure out what that reason would be, unless it was just something to do with pride.

That made sense, though, as little humility as the shameless man had, he still was embarrassed about a few things. Much like the way he would never just come out and state that he wanted to talk about his feelings, he probably was afraid of receiving criticism for this new hobby. Things like this were parts of the enigma known as Hidan's personality. Thoughts and fears that afflicted so drastically with each other, the man was almost like one giant walking contradiction. But that happened a lot in the human race. It was just a part of being human, being a hypocrite. It had nothing at all to do with one's mental state.

This gave him an idea though. Hidan's birthday was in a little over a month. And he knew that Kisame dabbled in guitar/ukelele-playing, (as hilarious as it was to imagine the giant of a man with a tiny little ukelele) So this had given him a brilliant idea not only as something to get the pale man for his birthday, but as a means to let him know that he knew about his 'big secret' and had nothing but encouragement to give him for it.

 

_"I like this one." Itachi said, pointing to a sparkling emerald electric guitar sitting on the guitar racks._

_Kisame had responded readily enough to helping him pick out Hidan's present. And here they were the following weekend at Thunder Drums*, a local store that specializes in selling supplies to bands and aspiring rockstars._

_Kisame turned to look at the one he was pointing at, barking out a laugh immediately. "Ohoho noooo. First off, you're looking at a thousand dollars minimum for that piece. You really think getting that hyper, destructive kid something like that is a good idea?"_

_Itachi pouted a little at this, not having the chance to answer what was a rhetorical question anyway before the man continued._

_"Secondly, that's electric. If he's just starting out then you'll probably be safer with an acoustic. They're easier, at least in my opinion. And lastly, it really would make a lot more sense to just bring him here with us. Me and him are different, a guitar that feels comfortable in my hands might not be the same for him."_

_"Well I didn't realize there were so many rules for picking one out..." The Uchiha countered, moving along further down the aisle._

_"Oh yeah. It's not like buying toilet paper... You don't just find one you think looks cool. There's a lot of different variables. Like buying a car. Gotta find what fits him best."_

_"Well why didn't you mention that before we came all the way here? Then I could have just waited until his actual birthday and brought him with us."_

_"I dunno. You usually know what you're doing, I figured you had it handled."_

_"If I knew what I was doing I wouldn't have asked for your assistance!" Itachi said, whirling around to look up at the man incredulously._

_Kisame only chuckled there, towering over him. "Okay okay, my bad... It's okay, places like this are usually pretty good about making exchanges. I'm sure you and me both are smart enough to tackle this though."_

_"I surely hope so... Oh! Look at that one!" He said, pointing to an acoustic in the back corner. The body was black, with a wooden neck, and on the bottom left edge of it was a slate grey circle with a triangle inside it._

_"...Isn't that the AA symbol?" Kisame said, following the much shorter man over to it._

_"No. But Hidan_ was _in_   _Alcoholics Anonymous for a short while."_

_"...You really think he wants to advertise something like that?"_

_"Well no, but that symbol has the triangle pointing down. The one for AA usually has it facing upwards. That one means something different."_

_"Even so, that's probably what people will relate it to..."_

_"Well, then let's ask!" Itachi said, somewhat annoyed as he turned in a circle and stood up on his tippy toes to look for an employee over the shelves of the store._

_"Or we could just find something different..." Kisame shrugged, doing the same but looking for another guitar instead of someone to help, and also not having to stretch to see over the displays._

_"Nonsense. That guitar is perfect for Hidan. Monochromatic and simple. He'd love it." Itachi replied, motioning to someone who's eye he caught that they needed assistance. A teenage man came slouching over to them, regarding them both boredly._

_"What does that symbol mean?" The raven-hair asked emotionlessly, pointing up to the guitar and feeling somewhat like a little kid with this action._

_The employee looked up at it, squinting in thought and craning his head slightly. "Ehhh... Oh, that piece was donated by a failing band. That was their logo. They were trying to start up some weird new religion or something. I dunno, I wasn't the one here when we got it in."_

_Itachi's face brightened for a moment before falling back to it's previous state as he considered this. Hidan was a very religious man. Not in the sense that he wrapped his life around it, but he'd always been of strong faith, one of the things that helped him be the stubborn sort of zealot that he was._

_But having the symbol of_ another _religion on his guitar? He might not like that... Unless it was something he'd think funny, or cool._

_"What was the religion about?" He asked, receiving a rude sigh from the boy._

_"I dunno." He said, then turning around and suddenly shouting, making both the inquiring men jump and making Kisame snort in an attempt to stifle a laugh._

_"KIRIN! C'MERE!" He yelled, and an older woman with bright red hair, multiple tattoos and piercings poked her head out from the door behind the counter some feet away_

_"WHAT?" She said._

_"These guys have a question about this guitar." He replied pointing. And she rolled her eyes and emerged completely from the door, sighing in irritation._

_She quickly replaced her scowl with a sickly sweet smile as she strutted over to them, jerking her head at the boy in a silent signal to get lost. Itachi repressed his own aggravated sigh._

_"What can I help you with?" She said in a sunshiney tone, though her voice was rather deep, the Uchiha thought._

_"That kid said that symbol linked to some religion or something. We just wanted to know what it was about." Kisame said for him, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder, as if sensing the younger's annoyance, and gesturing to to instrument._

_"Ahhh, yeah." She said, looking up at it and chewing on her lip ring in thought. "A couple young'uns were trying to start a following for a deity they made up. They didn't get very far, and gave that to us. You're actually the first people that noticed it wasn't an AA symbol." She laughed at the last before continuing. "Ohh, it was some death metal type thing. Jashinism, I think they called it. Basically the God of slaughter and death and destruction, that type of thing. That's why it's so cheap, but we can also send it in for you for an extra free and give it a new paintjob. You interested in it?"_

_Itachi looked up to Kisame excitedly. Hidan loved Gore and violence, despite being a christian as he was. That sounded perfect for him, honestly._

_"Yes, yes we are." He replied._

_"I'd like to test it out first, though." Kisame intervened, making the woman nod and hold up a finger in the generic 'Just a second' sign, before moving briskly back into the door she came out of._

_"You're sure you don't wanna do something else? I thought the kid was a Catholic, isn't that kind of the opposite of their thing?" The taller man questioned as Itachi stepped forward to have a slightly closer look at the instrument._

_"He's not really affiliated with a certain version of Christianity. He has his own sense of morals and whatnot. But he's always watching those disgusting movies, and you know how violent he is..."_

_"That ain't no shit..."_

_"I think he'll be tickled by it. And it's an acoustic, like you said. And we can always get it redone if he doesn't like it."_

_"Yeah, and it's in a good price range for a beginner like him too. We'll just see if it's worth a shit. Metalheads are known not to take that much care of their equipment you know, they like to smash things..."_

_"So does Hidan."_

_"That's a good point..."_

_"So it's settled then! Perfect. That didn't take long at all." Itachi said, clapping his hands together in excitement. If this didn't get Hidan to stop being such a shut-in, nothing would._

.

 

In the month that followed, he'd awaited eagerly the day that he could present his show of friendship and support to his dear friend. He honestly missed talking to him, as exhausting as he could be. This new person that lived with him was kind of hard to get used to, going to work every day like a responsible adult. Listening to he and Tayuya's conversations outside his bedroom door didn't suffice as much as sitting there actually conversing with him.

And Kisame was right, the albino had become much too important in his life, it was hard to work on his blooming new relationship with the ocean-loving man when his roommate was constantly on his mind. And this gesture had eased his mind somewhat, he was confident that it would snap the man from his seclusion once he found out that Itachi knew about this new hobby. Hell, maybe he'd finally introduce him to this girl who had served as his best friend in the Uchiha's absence.

Now that he thought about it, he really liked the idea of Hidan playing guitar. Music was a wonderful way for him to channel his emotions, and he'd heard Hidan singing in the shower or to himself when he thought no one could hear, he had a very unique voice. He was no where near a superstar, but it was fun to listen to.

This might even be a perfect opportunity for Kisame to get to know his dear friend better too, now that they had something like this in common.

 

.

 

He returned the smile Hidan gave him as he got in the car appreciatively, regarding the pale man for a moment before he reversed from the parking lot to head home.

"You look like you're in a good mood." He finally said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, kind of." Was the reply. "I was thinking, since it's the weekend, and I've been such a good boy recently..." He trailed off, turning in his seat to give itachi a pleading smile. "Maybe we could go and do something? Something Alcohol related, socialize and shit, you know, get out of the house?"

Itachi laughed outright, his own mood being boosted significantly. "Well, getting out of the house sounds good. Especially since you've kept yourself locked in that room consistently for months on end."

"Yeah, exactly! So can we?"

"Are you going to finally tell me what it is you've been working on so diligently?"

"No."

"Then I don't know... After all, you are on medication. Alcohol and anti-depressants don't mix."

"Awe come on! Can't I just skip'em for a few days? It's not like I'm a fucking alcoholic anymore, I just want one night of fun! And I want you to come with me."

"Oohh, so you actually want to associate with me? I thought you'd forgotten I exist." He said, trying not to let any bitterness seep into his words, but failing.

Hidan went silent after this, remaining that way for so long that Itachi had to keep glancing over at him to try and read his emotions, to figure out what he was thinking.

"I know... I've... I've been a bad friend huh? I'm sorry, it's just... My heads been all weird since that night..."

"Which night?" The Uchiha inquired, despite knowing exactly which night he was referring to.

"You know, the one where Kakuzu came over and I found out I have a... thing... for him."

"Ahh, yes. How has that been going, by the way? I wanted to ask you a long time ago but you'd never  _talk_  to me."

"I know, I know! I said I was sorry, damn it. Quit making me feel like shit!" Hidan snapped, his angry tone not reaching his eyes. "I've just been busy with shit, you know? And c'mon, you have to admit you were being kind of fucking annoying."

"Well if you would just tell me what's going on I wouldn't have to pry."

"You're acting like my goddamn parent again though! I told you a million times that it was a secret! I told you it wasn't anything bad! I just wanted some goddamn trust and privacy."

"Well yes, that's understandable but you shut me out completely! It hurt my feelings!"

Hidan held his hands up in surrender, shaking his head slightly. "Okay, okay, you know what? We both fucked up, huh? Does that work? I already apologized, your prissy ass probably won't so I'll just pretend that you did. Can we get past it?"

"Don't try to get yourself out of trouble like that, Hidan."

"YES MOTHER!" He snapped loudly, both of them falling silent afterwards. The quiet lasted the rest of the way home until they were pulled into the driveway. It was Itachi who finally started laughing, relieving the tension. Hidan soon followed with a giggle of his own.

"You're ridiculous." Itachi laughed gently, turning off the vehicle and letting himself out.

"You love me." Hidan replied, also getting out and following him up the stairs, then into the apartment.

The slightly younger man was greatly pleased when Hidan jumped over the back of the couch, landing in a sprawled position on the cushions after he took his coat off instead of retreating to his room, as he halfway expected him too.

The Uchiha removed his own jacket and nearly skipped in his own reserved happiness to the other couch. His friend was back, thank God, and this meant that they could catch up. Nothing significant had really happened as far as he and Kisame's relationship went. But his interest had been thoroughly peaked at Hidan's mention of his affections for his employer, and he was, and had been for awhile, dying to know if it had progressed any at all since he'd stopped his meddling and just let it play out.

"So. You want to go out this weekend?" He started, squinting to try and read the text Hidan was currently working on. He could only assume it was to that girl who gave him lessons, seeing as he wasn't aware of any other renewed friendships the albino had. And he obviously wasn't texting Itachi.

The pale man slapped the phone shut and rolled himself to lay on his stomach in a position that looked terribly uncomfortable so that he could look at his roommate. "YES! Desperately!"

"Well then..." He trailed off, giving him a devious smile and adjusting himself so that he was sitting crosslegged in the middle of the loveseat. "I require information first."

A single silver brow raised in quizzical response.

"Not about this secret you're keeping. I'll leave you alone about it." He assured, successfully getting the brow to lower back to it's natural place. "What I do want to know about it your boss."

"Tch. What about him?" Came the unenthusiastic reply.

Itachi rolled his eyes. Oooh Hidan, oblivious Hidan.

"Well you said earlier that you've been having troubles with your little crush on him! Tell me about it!"

The pigmentless eyes regarding him shifted in understanding. "Aaaahhh 'Tachi, You don't want information. You want gossip, you fucking girly girl." With this he pushed himself back up on the couch, rearranging his body until he was sitting like an actual human being on the piece of furniture.

"Call it whatever you want. Just tell me!"

Hidan sighed, shifted nervously, ran a hand through his hair, and then let out a frustrated growl. "There's nothing to even tell!" He finally explained, Making Itachi slump in annoyed disappointment.

"Well, I'm gathering that much. What I mean is, what's been going on on  _your_ side, in  _your_ head.

"I don't know.." He admitted, face screwing up in hesitant thought. "Nothing really. I mean... it's just weird, is all. Having to be around him all the time and act normal. It's easier than I thought it would be, but hard at the same time, y'know?"

Itachi gave him a smirk. "I know all too well. Kisame was very similar..."

"Well yeah but at least you two were friends. Like, you could actually associate with him. I can't get a fucking thing from that old bastard. Pisses me off, makes my head hurt."

"Well, have you tried testing him?"

"What?"

"You know, like... making some subtle comment or doing something and seeing how he reacts to it."

"Oh fuck that shit. I'm not a goddamn manipulative bastard like you." He said, waving him off. "But... he does do confusing shit sometimes... Like one minute he's calling me stupid and saying how he wants to beat me senseless, and then he does something that's kinda weirdly nice in a way. But he acts like he doesn't want to do it, like he has no choice even though that doesn't really make sense. I don't fucking know, he's fucking impossible 'Tachi. I wish you would have just let me stay fucking oblivious."

The Uchiha was wearing a large smile now, trying as much as he could to calm his excitement. Oh, this was just adorable. He  _knew_  he was right about the Doctor liking Hidan. This only proved it.

He still wanted to know more, however.

"What do you mean? Give me an example."

Hidan shifted uncomfortably again, chewing on his lip in his key tell that he was nervous. "Well, I don't know... Like, you remember when I had that cold?"

Itachi nodded eagerly.

"Well, he gave me a big bottle of Vitamin C to help me get over it. It actually helped a whole fucking lot. But when he did it he acted like he was only doing it because he was tired of hearing me cough and sneeze and shit." He explained, pausing to think for a moment. "And this other time, I was trying to get the fucking copy machine to work and I didn't wanna ask him to show me how because I didn't wanna hear him bitch about it. And he just kind of came out of nowhere, and showed me how to do it. Then after I had it figured out he started being a dick again."

Coal eyes laughed silently at Hidan from the couch adjacent to him. Oh, these two. How adorable. Two grown men, dancing around each other's mutual affection to each other like a couple of kids in highschool. It was obvious to him right away that he had to intervene again. he'd left it alone for this long and absolutely nothing had happened. These two clearly needed some sort of little push in the right direction.

"I catch him looking at me sometimes..." Hidan continued, softer now. "It's weird, it freaks me out, but I like it at the same time, you know. I just with the stupid old miser was easier to read... He's so goddamn weird!"

Itachi held up his hand, almost as if he were in school wanting to ask something. "Quick question, Hida." He said, hiding his smirk and forcing a neutral expression when peony-pink eyes met his. "Have you never had a crush before?"

The way hidan looked away so quickly, along with the slight reddening of his face answered for him.

Itachi's brows shot up in true surprise now. "Really? You've never liked anyone? Not even in High School? There was never a girl or boy you wanted to be with?"

He received a shy shrug in response. "No, not really. I mean, I didn't really give a shit about relationships and all that girly crap like you did. It was always just about the sex. I was a  _normal_  guy, up until now." He said, giving his roommate a slightly accusing glare. "Ugh, god, I feel like a flamer sitting here talking about this."

"Oh don't be ridiculous Hidan. I'm not judging you for it, and it's not like I'm going to go tell the whole world that you actually have feelings." He received another glare for this comment, but laughed it away. "I think it's cute. And I'm glad you confided in me. Makes me feel better. "

"Don't fucking call me  _cute,_  Uchiha. I'm not a puppy." He snapped, pausing for a moment to consider something. "And don't go fucking meddling again either! Just because I'm telling you this shit doesn't mean I need your help!"

He rolled his eyes, smirking despite it. "I promise I won't." He promised, making sure to cross his fingers, hidden from Hidan's sight in his lap. "But I think you should at least try to do something about it. If he's sending you mixed messages, then there's a chance he might-"

"No. Hell no." Hidan interrupted, features hard. "I'm not taking a fucking risk like that. I have to work with the asshole. It's awkward enough as it is now. If he  _knew..._  Ugh, no. It's not going to happen. Don't even fucking go there."

"Well really Hidan! Look how Kisame and I turned out! And he'd never even thought of a man that way. At least Dr. Hoku is-"

"I said no, goddammit. This isn't the fucking same. I mean switching from girls to you isn't that much of a change, no offense." He added, holding his hands up in a peace offering as Itachi scowled at him. " And I mean... he's so  _old_ 'Tachi! He's like fifty!"

"Forty-six." The Uchiha corrected.

"Okay, yeah, well same fuckin' thing. That's... what? Like, 24 years difference. That's fucking gross."

"Is that what  _you_  think? Or what  _society_  thinks?" He questioned seriously, raising a brow.

Hidan didn't answer, his gaze dropping to the floor instead.

Itachi stared at him sympathetically. The poor man, he admitted that it was a very confusing situation, especially for someone like Hidan. With everything he was going through, having the stress of unwanted affections for a man he considered far out of his league couldn't possibly be easy.

But it was a good thing too, The feminine man thought as he studied him. He'd been doing so well since he got the job. Learning new things, being responsible, he hadn't had any sort of panic attacks or episodes at all in months. He'd been eating more, sleeping (slightly) more, and Itachi had been blown away when he'd learned how the nicotine addicted man had been foregoing cigarettes all day long when he was at work. He hadn't suspected that at all, seeing as he smoked just as much as he always had once he came home and on weekends.

Dr. Hoku was having a profound affect on him in so many positive ways, and without really even meaning to, none-the-less. Hidan was like a whole new person now than the scraggly, barely-sane man who'd first shown up on his doorstep. There was no way he could just let things continue at this pace. If some sort of change didn't occur, Hidan was likely to get discouraged, and all the progress he'd made would come crashing back down.

He had a duty to his friend, and he was going to help him, even if it meant going against his wishes. When he'd influenced the situation before, it had been a bit messy, he admitted. But as Kisame said, desperate situations call for drastic measures.

And that mischievous, clever mind of his was already formulating a plan. Hidan wanted to go out and have a few drinks? Fine, he could allow that. In fact, he would go so far as to throw him a party at the bar. Hidan would be ecstatic, and Itachi knew a certain someone that could also stand a little bit of relaxing. Kisame would surely help him, if he asked. He'd been on board before, why wouldn't he be now.

He smiled deviously at his roommate, still staring down sadly at the carpet.

Time for round two.


	11. Chapter 11

Kakuzu Hoku had always been well-aware of his age. He had never denied the fact that he was getting up there in years, though he did tend to somewhat ignore it. What else was he supposed to do, mope about it? Embrace it? Hah, no thank you. He was fine the way he was going about it now.

And anyway, he was in peak physical condition, as far as he was concerned. And he was a doctor, so he knew what healthy was. Ask anyone how old he was that did not know him personally, Surely they'd tell you he was nowhere near his actual age. Or perhaps that were untrue, he'd admit himself that there was just something about him that struck people, afterall, he radiated wisdom and experience, being the professional that he was. Whatever it was, he knew, despite his age, he was probably in a much better shape than half the people he encountered that were merely a quarter his age.

He also knew the occasional stiff, achy back, tensed and sore neck, or creaking joint was perfectly normal for someone like him. He did not do much resting, after all. There was no time to rest, it was a waste of time, and wasting time was like wasting money, and that was unacceptable. And normally, a bit of soreness or fatigue in the mornings or at night didn't affect him so much that it would immediately ruin his day. But lately, for reasons he didn't care all that much to consider, he'd been feeling the effects of his many years more than ever.

.

 

For as long as he could remember, he'd always been a dedicated man, as first a student, then employee, intern, Resident Doctor, and now as the owner of his own clinic. Like anyone else, there was the occasional morning when for a fleeting moment, he considered just staying in bed instead of getting up and proceeding with the day, but those were few a far between. Or at least they had been.

It was slow at first, seeing as he successfully managed to get his normal schedule back on track after that one horrific night, stranded at Itachi Uchiha's apartment. The first week of returning to work had been comforting, and he hadn't had too many problems ignoring that albino idiot, seeing as he had such a severe cold that the pale man rarely had the energy to be his loud obnoxious self. He did work extremely hard to make sure Kakuzu was aware of how much he hated him, as usual. And this in most instances would have tested the elder man's patience to extremes. However, he was completely taken-back by how begrudgingly pleased he was with Hidan's work ethic.

Part of him- well, most of him- had expected the little idiot to take advantage of his position, knowing as he did that he couldn't be fired, and more or less having the borderline blackmail on the Doctor from that weekend's unfortunate circumstances. But to his dismay and reluctant appreciation, the boy remained just as disciplined an employee as he'd started out to be, the only change of course being his insufferable mouth.

Despite Kakuzu doing his best to load him down with work, he was keeping perfect pace with his duties, and infuriatingly enough, the boy was actually helping  _Kakuzu_  better organize his time, and through that, helping him get caught up on many of the small necessities that had been more or less neglected with all his previous secretaries. Those damn women, so easily overloaded after a day of minimal stress. He wondered on very brief occasions why he'd always thought it necessary to have a female secretary. Then quickly reminded himself that before this spoiled little nuisance had come along, he'd taken guilty pleasure in bringing the women to tears.

At the same time though, it had almost been a form of self-sabotage. When he had to constantly introduce and train new interns to the internal workings of his business, it only took time out of his schedule to attend to his own duties, continuously pulling him farther and farther behind. Really, he had not realized how bad the situation had become until he started sending Hidan home with extra work each night just as a way to comfort himself with his secretaries misery, he'd astounded himself with all the tasks he'd left undone. But with Hidan, his irritating determination and his ability to work quickly and efficiently when he was focused, he'd managed to pretty well mark off each and every item on the to-do list with relative speed, and a minimum amount of mistakes.

He was so efficient, in fact, that Kakuzu, after only the first week, ran out of extra work to assign him, and so had to reluctantly had to hand off some of his own tasks to the male receptionist, which of course had been handled with just as little error and with just as much speed as all the other assignments. He should have expected it really, after going there to his shared home and seeing the briefcase sitting idly beside the bookshelf. He hadn't thought anything of it until the man came back the following monday and slammed the thing onto his office desk after Kakuzu had let him into the clinic.

_"These are done." The pale man stated, his voice hoarse and nasally with the effects of the cold he'd started getting over the weekend, now in full bloom._

_Kakuzu scowled up at him, gripping the pen tightly in his hand. Brat, waltzing in here and throwing the briefcase so rudely on his desk while he was obviously busy doing paperwork. He was surprised, as well. At the steady, reasonable pace the doctor usually worked at, a task as large as the one he'd given him would have taken a week to complete, Hidan had done it in a mere weekend._

_"Are you expecting some prize for completing a task given to you by your boss?"_

_"Well it_ was _bullshit. I mean, I ain't gettin paid for the fuckin' hours and hours and hours I slaved away doing these dumb charts." He said with only mild anger in his voice as he rapped his fingers against the leathery surface._

_"It's called earning your keep, Hidan. It's how you acquire status and pay raises within your place of employment." He snapped back, to which the albino rolled his eyes, a soft violet in the dark lighting of his office, but didn't argue further._

_Kakuzu had taken note of the small outburst from the boy back in his apartment, and had done his best to not go about calling Hidan or Itachi 'boy'; or at least not to their faces. He supposed the annoying brat had a point. He constantly thought to himself how little respect he was shown by Hidan, he'd naturally assumed that he had already earned the right of being given instant respect throughout his life. After all, he_ was _the man-child's boss. But it occurred to him also that Sunday night after he got home that he was slightly at fault here too. You can't treat an adult like a child and expect them to still act like an adult. It's insulting as well as subliminally confusing. As completely ironic as this logic was... 'To beat an enemy you must think like them.' Or some garbage like that._

_Hidan had specifically requested for the elder man not to refer to him as ' boy', so he supposed he could do that much without relenting too far. If he was going to fix him, then he had to give rewards for good behavior, same as training a dog. And, he would admit in his own mind where no one else could hear, Hidan had been doing a rather outstanding job as of late._

_"If they're finished, then file them all back in their proper places." He said then, waving at the wall of file cabinets behind his employee._

_"File'em... like alphabetically?" Hidan replied, finally grasping the briefcase and removing it from its obstructive place on the Doctors desk._

_Kakuzu stared back emotionlessly in response. No, just throw them in there wherever you please...of course alphabetically, moron. "Yes..." He finally said, trying not to let the man's stupid questioning get to him. After all, he'd gotten them all done, this was no time for punishment. "In correspondence with their last names."_

_"Tch, I figured that, since they're all listed backwards on the folders." Hidan said lowly, moving hesitantly to the cabinets and setting the case down._

_Dr. Hoku went back to his paperwork as he questioned; "If you knew that then why did you ask?"_

_"I was just making sure, you mean old bastard, don't wanna give you any excuse to bitch at me." He replied smartly, unclasping the briefcase and pulling out a large stack._

_"If you do a competent job then I won't have one."_

_"Well I didn't plan on fucking up something so fucking simple!"_

_"Then shut your trap and get to it."_

_"Yes_ sir _, master sir." Hidan said, sliding open a drawer and sniffling heavily._

_"And there are tissues there on the cabinet. Don't go spreading your germs on the files." He added, ignoring the strange pleasure he derived from being referred to as 'master', despite the sarcasm. It had nothing to do with Hidan saying it. No, of course not. That would be foolish. He was simply egotistical, and he didn't mind pretending he owned people like possessions._

_Hidan only grunted in response, and the next half hour was spent in silence interrupted only by the shuffling of papers from the Doctor and the clicking and sliding of the drawers as Hidan went about his task._

_The elder man couldn't help glancing up every now and again at his employee, as much as it annoyed him to do so._

_The dark grey, collared shirt Hidan wore today was slightly small on him, and when he hunched down or bent over to retrieve more files, it clung tightly to his moderately toned back. Kakuzu couldn't help but notice the mans pleasant stature, his average shoulder width that slimmed down to a decently narrow waist, not so thick as to be feminine, but certainly not blatantly masculine either, marred beyond that by his black slacks that fit just well enough to pull against a relatively girly rear. It was cute, he caught himself thinking, that Hidan had such a small, but round ass._

_As soon as this thought passed through his brain though, he snapped himself out of it, refocusing his attention back to his job. At least until his secretary doubled over again._

_Dammit old man,_ stop that _. For fucks sake, how many female employee's had done the same thing and never enticed a single gaze? And yet for some reason this insufferable idiot brought it on?_

_Maybe he was going senile..._

 

_"Where do you want this?" Hidan asked when he was finished, holding up the briefcase when he was finished._

_Kakuzu looked up, forcing his features into neutrality as he did. "Set it here beside the desk." He ordered, and the secretary did as such._

_"I need you to go to the shed out back and pull out the wheelchair labeled #16 and take it up front, a woman named Sakura Haruno will be picking it up at nine this morning for her father. Here." He paused, wheeling over to the side to pull open a drawer and pick through a few papers before pulling out a form and handing it to him. "Have her fill this out, and be sure to inform her that she will not receive her deposit back if it is in any condition less than it it now when she returns it. The keys are hanging on the wall beside the water cooler. The lock likes to stick, don't throw one of your tantrums trying to unlock it."_

_"Tch, like I'd give you the satisfaction.." Hidan muttered, taking the forms and studying them for a second before turning to leave._

_"Lock it back up when you're done and hang the keys where you found them." Kakuzu ordered, ignoring the comment. Surely Hidan would have the common sense to know to do that much already, but the boy was unpredictable, most often, and he didn't like to take chances._

_Hidan paused halfway out the door to step back in and stare at the Doctor for a few lasting moments. Realizing he was still there, the older man looked up, brows furrowed. "What?"_

_Hidan blinked, as if not realizing he'd stopped, and reached up to scratch the nape of his neck, clearing his throat. "Uh, I was thinking, if my job is opening and closing, shouldn't you give me a spare key so I don't have to wait for you in the mornings?"_

_Kakuzu snorted sarcastically, "You think you've earned enough trust for such a thing on your second day?"_

_"Hey fucker!" Hidan snapped, his own brows dropping in anger. "I'm not gonna fucking steal shit, it just makes more sense for me to already have all that crap done by the time your old ass finally putters in!"_

_"Worry about your current duties, Hidan. We both know what happens when you trouble yourself with_ thinking. _" He answered, not looking up as he signed the current statement he was on and set it aside to move on to the next one. "Now go, get out of my sight."_

_"Ass." Hidan muttered, disappearing from the doorway._

 

That observation stuck with him though, for another month. And finally, after pulling out Hidan's credentials and going through it one more time to assure himself that none of the criminal charges against Hidan had been related to theft, (They had not. Every single one of them was either drug possession or some form of being a public nuisance, with the occasional bit of assault and/or battery charges thrown in there) he took a moment to present the man with a spare key, informing him sincerely that he would not get another if he lost it, and that he was not allowed by any means to inform another living soul- not even his roommate- that he had a spare key to a building that housed not only incredibly expensive machinery, but near endless documents of strictly confidential information.

His secretary had proven useful in that time, afterall. And as much as he hated to say it, had handled all his responsibilities flawlessly. He'd been unfortunately impressed even by the simple but admittedly clever notion the man had had to make a separate schedule book related only to phone calls.

It was around this time that his in-depth awareness of his age had made itself clear, settling constantly in the back of his mind, locked away but not out of sight, right beside this strange fondness he was unhappy to realize he was developing for Hidan.

In fact, the two may very well be directly associated with one another, he realized, the very day after he'd given the pale man the spare key and with it a vague offering of trust. It was the last business day of the month, then, which was also one of the worst days of each month for the Doctor; payday.

Long after the sun had set, after Hidan had finished closing up the clinic, he stopped short of heading straight to his car as he normally did, waiting by the corner of the building where the silver-haired man usually stood and smoked a cigarette as he awaited a ride home. Hidan had stepped out of the door, turned around momentarily to lock up, and started toward his boss only to stop just short of him when he finally looked up from placing the key securely in his shirt pocket and saw the man standing there. The two had stood there for no more than two seconds, but in that short amount of time Kakuzu had allowed himself to stare at his employee. The lighting was dim, after all, and even though his face remained impassive as always, he felt more comfortable to know Hidan wouldn't notice his eyes regarding him just a little too closely.

He had to admit, he rather liked the man's hair gelled back the way he always wore it when at work. It made him look older, professional, more mature than he'd seemed on that dreadful night when Kakuzu had seen him in overly-casual attire. It was comforting to him for Hidan to appear older than he was, made the older man slightly less hateful toward himself for this unwanted physical attraction he felt for the man-child.

Finally Hidan broke the silence with a rudely proclaimed question, quickly breaking the eye-contact they'd been holding and if Kakuzu wasn't terribly mistaken, maybe tinting ever-so-slightly in the cheeks.

Kakuzu silently reached into his pocket and pulled out the unmarked envelope, extending it out to the man.

Hidan had cautiously took it, apparently not realizing what occasion it was. His hesitance disappeared instantly though when he pulled out the check, face breaking into child-like wonderment, as if he'd just been given the deed to a chocolate factory.

He laughed excitedly, and for a brief second made Kakuzu's heart simultaneously leapt into his throat and dropped into his stomach as Hidan lunged toward him, acting almost as if he were about to hug his boss. He didn't though, and only whooped right in his face before shrieking out what could only be described as crazy bird calls as he took off sprinting toward home.

 

Dr. Hoku stared after him, scowling, though more at himself. He felt disgusting, putrid, because for reasons he could not fathom, he felt disappointed that Hidan hadn't actually leaped onto him the way he'd thought he was about to.

Brief images of a sleepy Hidan in his arms, smiling up at him flashed through his mind. And this only infuriated him further.

Grumbling to himself and seething, he'd progressed home, only to find himself unable to fall asleep until sometime after 1 in the morning. Which made for two hours of un-restful sleep, seeing as he awoke an hour early to prepare for work. 6 hours of rest was pushing it, as far as the researchers of such nonsense liked to say. However, Kakuzu had always been able to function perfectly with exactly 6 hours. Any more than that and he found himself more tired than he'd been before he'd laid down. But two... now  _that_  was pushing it. Terribly unhealthy, first of all, and second, made for a grouchy Dr. Hoku. And that was usually a very, very bad thing, seeing as the man was apparently the asshole of all assholes to begin with.

The borderline insomnia had not ceased after that, unfortunately, and his weariness influenced the notion of his age only increasing as he struggled throughout his days to stay awake. He of course couldn't show any weakness around Hidan, even though half time he saw the little rat he wanted to strangle him for constantly invading his thoughts while he lay in bed at night, while the other half of the time he had trouble looking away.

The albino had caught him even, in moments like that, standing there just staring. And it was the strangest thing to Kakuzu, sometimes he was sure he'd see the man redden before he looked away, but it was hard to tell. You'd think someone so pale would look like a tomato should they blush, but not Hidan. All that was there was the slightest little hint of pink, which was hard to differentiate between a blush of embarrassment, or turning red because he was getting angry over something.

Once, Hidan was struggling with the copy machine- he'd more or less taught himself how to use it, but the thing was just as temperamental as all the outdated appliances in this clinic were- and Kakuzu had come into the reception area from the waiting room, having just shown a patient out, and found him growling under his breath as he punched button after button only to receive a buzzer sound; the machines way of telling him it wasn't going to work today.

_He stood, leaning somewhat against the arch that subtly pronounced the separation between the two room, arms crossed across his chest and allowing a small grin as he watched the man be outsmarted by an inanimate object._

_"Stupid fucking piece of worthless goddamn shit. My laptop could do your job in three seconds if I had a scanner and printer! Who the fuck uses copy machines anyway!? YOU'RE GODDAMN OBSOLETE!"_

_He smacked the side of the machine with an open palm, making the Doctor's grin fade slightly. Obsolete or not, that copy machine was expensive. And to damage expensive property of the Doctor's was to ask for death._

_He almost intervened, before the machine buzzed again loudly and started to work._

_"That's fucking better you fucking cocksucking robot wanna-be!" Hidan said victoriously, just before it puttered out again, eliciting another loud beep of refusal._

_"Agh! No! I'm sorry!" He said, leaning over the machinery to shake it lightly, then actually embracing the thing. He rubbed the side of it in an almost seductive way, making Kakuzu actually concentrate in order to hold back uncharacteristic laughter that tickled the back of his throat._

_"C'mon babyyy, I was just kidding. You were so fucking close!" He purred, continuing the sensual rubbing for a few more heartbeats before he straightened up and smacked it again._

_"Fucking WORK you piece of shit!"_

_Kakuzu did step in now, to spare the poor thing from any more abuse and/or molestation. But instead of announcing his presence, he only slipped quietly behind Hidan and reached around him to press and hold the cancel button._

_The albino jumped and whirled around, then gasped slightly to find the elder man so close to him. Without thinking, the Doctor suspected, he tried to take a step back only to nearly fall after he ran into the copier, and because of that actually stumbled forward into his boss, who he'd been trying to evade in the first place._

_Kakuzu caught and steadied him, more of less out of reflex just like the last time. However this time he pulled his hands away immediately and inched backward slightly, realizing he_ was _unusually close._

_"God and baby Jesus in fucking heaven, what the fuck you fuckin' old perv!? What the hell are you doing?"_

_"I was trying to give you assistance before you broke my copy machine." He said back casually, noticing how red the man's face was but at the moment attributing it entirely to his anger._

_"Well shit! You don't have to give me a damn heart-attack. How bout a little fuckin' warning next time. Christ..." He exhaled, running his hand over his combed back hair._

_"The machine is temperamental occasionally." He explained. "When it get stuck like this the best thing to do is cancel everything out. Give it a minute to catch up, and try again." He said, punching back in what Hidan had previously typed, just one copy of something, most likely the schedule for tomorrow, since it was nearing 7 p.m._

_The machine gave the doctor a lengthy buzz, still refusing to cooperate._

_"If it still doesn't work. Cancel out, and turn off the machine. Do not unplug it, but give it a few moments to cool. Then try again." He pressed and held the button with a big red X on it again until the screen blanked and then returned to a blinking cursor awaiting orders. Then he tapped the power button twice, which brought up the option to shut down on the screen. He clicked the power once more, and it whirred as if about to do something for ten more seconds before powering down._

_Hidan clicked his tongue in annoyance. "You'd save time by shelling out a few hundred bucks and fucking buying a new one, y'know."_

_"Perhaps_ I'd _save time. But you have plenty to spare, there's no rush to make copies of a paper that will still be there after sitting idle for ten minutes. Patience is a virtue, Hidan."_

_"Tch, you're one to talk, Mister quit-wasting-time-and-money-and-get-to-work!"_

_Kakuzu's brow furrowed. Why was he attempting to be nice again? Oh right, because Hidan was actually a good worker, and deserved reward. Dammit._

_"There is a difference between wasting time and using it wisely. I did not advise you to sit there and do_ nothing _for ten minutes. I only said to wait that long before trying it again."_

_Hidan eyed him, but didn't continue the argument. Kakuzu only stared at him, his tired eyes trailing absently from the suspicious, tight expression, down his chin, glancing at his collar, the three unfastened buttons just below that. No chest hair, Kakuzu noticed. That's right, Hidan must shave his chest, as he'd been perfectly hairless that night at his apartment too, galavanting around the entire time while topless._

_"Do I have something on my fucking shirt, or what?" Hidan said, snapping his attention back to pigment-less eyes. He inwardly punched himself at getting caught yet again, and without his exhausted mind really thoroughly considering it, he reached out to point at an invisible spot on Hidan's shirt._

_"Right there." He said, waiting until the pale man looked down before quickly lifting his hands and flicking his nose._

_Hidan flinched far more than he should have at such a small action, rubbed his nose, and stared at Kakuzu as if he'd just pulled off his skin and revealed that he were really an alien from outer space._

_"What the fuck was that?"_

_"Oldest trick in the book."_

_"Whahh...?"_

_"Oh come now, even kids these days know that one."_

_"Well yeah, no shit, but... what the hell?"_

_"What?"_

_"Are you fucking high or something?"_

_Kakuzu only rolled his eyes and turned back to the copier to turn it on._

Smooth, old man.

_He was also a little confused as to 'what the fuck' that was. Good God, he's been continuously distracted by the vulgar idiot for months on end, loses sleep because he can't get his damn mind off him, and now this humiliatingly pathetic little display that could very well be considered some ridiculous form of flirtation?_

_'What the fuck?', Indeed._

_The machine whirred back to life, and he waited a few moments until it was ready, then punched in the information again, and hit the button with a big green O._

Get yourself together Doctor. Really.

_The machine finally complied, and spit out multiple sheets of paper, which he hadn't been expecting. Hidan went to grab it suddenly, which peaked the Doctors curiosity, and prompted him to snatch them up to look at them, finding pages of sheet music instead of tomorrows scheduled clients._

_"What is this?" He said, looking over to his employee, who looked a shade darker than before, if he wasn't mistaken. He looked back down to read what the song was called, '_ _Little Lion man_ _' it read, by some singer who called themselves_ _Mumford and Sons_ _. He scoffed, kids these days with their music..._

_Beneath the notes were the lyrics, he read only the first line;_ Weep for yourself, my man. You'll never be what is in your heart.~ _before it was yanked quickly from his hand by pale, grabby fingers. Then Hidan, just as quickly, retrieved what was actually a thin booklet from inside the scanner of the machine._

_"Nothing. It's from the library... It's due back soon and I... uh... My friend wanted to learn it..."_

_Kakuzu mulled this over for a moment, being sure to shoot the boy a disapproving glare. First of all, Kakuzu was vaguely sure he didn't even have any other friends than Itachi. And he seriously doubted that the Uchiha boy would ask Hidan to make copies while on the job. Hidan was lying to him, which annoyed him. But he was only lying because he was obviously humiliated at being caught, and this enlightened his sour mood somewhat, for a few seconds, at least._

_Well, at least this distracted from that awkward moment before. And gave him a perfect chance to come to his senses._

_"This is a place of business, you brat. That copy machine is meant for work-related papers, not your passing fancies."_

_"Okay, damn. I'm fuckin' sorry..." Hidan relented without a fight, seemingly still embarrassed._

_Kakuzu was not done, however. His weary, cranky mind redirected his anger at himself into unreasonable anger at his employee's incompetence. It was justified to him, of course, Hidan did something wrong, and had to get a slap on the hand so he wouldn't do it again._

_"What task are you putting off in order to take time to copy these papers?" He growled, eyes narrowing._

_"I'm not putting anything off!" Hidan defended, almost seeming offended that his boss would suggest such a thing."I already checked out all of tomorrows clients and cleaned the examination room and the bathroom, I did fucking inventory and restocked just like you told me to-"_

_"Did you order all the supplies we're low on?"_

_"_ Yes _, and I subtracted it from the monthly funds and averaged out the fucking books too. You only have one more goddamn client today and he won't be here until nine. I figured I had time to make a few copies while I'm here."_

_"You could have used the copier at the library when you returned the book."_

_"And pay a fucking dollar per-page! Fuck that! Why the hell can't I use this one? I'm not hurting anything."_

_Kakuzu resisted raising a single brow in interest. Since when was Hidan thrifty? "You receive a paycheck from me each month, you have the money to spend."_

_"You goddamn scrooge! My checks go to paying off my fucking debt I don't fucking have any to spare!"_

_"That's none of my concern."_

_"What the fuck is the big deal!? God! You're such a fucking ass!"_

_"You're using_ my _paper and_ my _machine, you will go by_ my _rules. No more. Do that shit on your own time." He said, dismissing the conversation with a wave and turning to walk away. Hidan followed though, which only irritated him further._

_"The library is 9 fucking blocks from my house and it's fucking winter! Why can't you give me a fucking break you old miser?"_

_Kakuzu whirled, taking in a breath to match the shouting man's volume, only to stop short when he finds Hidan immediately behind him, face angry and set in a determined scowl._

_"Am I doing a bad fucking job or what? I've been working my ass off for you and you don't have the common fucking decency just to let me use your damn copier?"_

_"Not when you're going to_ beat _it." He replied sternly, though his anger was dying away as he continued looking into those peony-pink eyes. It was strange, he could see Hidan's anger, but it was almost like there was some sort of hurt mixed along with it. This, he didn't understand. He hadn't really even insulted the boy, why would he be so wounded by simply being told no?_

 _"Tch. Fuck it. You're a fucking joke, y'know? '_ You have to earn your respect. _' What a load. All I've been doing is trying to earn it, and you-" He stopped, scowling heavily and grinding his teeth as he seemed to consider something. Then, his posture relaxed and he sighed, lifting a hand to run it through his hair again. "Whatever... I'm not gonna let you make me freak out again. I don't need your goddamn favors anyway..." With that, he turned around and walked away._

 _Kakuzu let him. Hah, spineless brat. He turned around and walked away himself, pushing back the unwanted sensation of guilt with his stubborn resolve. He'd done nothing wrong, he had no reason to feel bad. If the moron wanted to behave like a child and pout, let him. He didn't have time for regret and guilt, especially when it stemmed from that idiot. He was his boss, not his_ friend _. And he wasn't going to coddle him._

.

 

That night, he couldn't manage to sleep at all until the sun peeked over the horizon. Luckily enough it was a weekend, so he didn't have to drag himself out of bed at 3 in the morning like usual. And this realization led him to do something he hadn't done in years; sleep in. Fortunately, he managed to catch up, not waking up until well after 3 in the afternoon, and as a result, felt even worse than he had originally.

Despite that, this somehow became a weekly custom for the man, waking late every Saturday to make up for the sleep he couldn't ever seem to get during the weekdays. It made his body ache and groan, trying desperately to remind him that he wasn't young anymore, not built for late nights and even later mornings.

This bothered him more and more as each day went by, dragging on slower and slower as his mind grew more and more sleep-deprived. It became harder just to do the normal tasks that had once been a daily routine for him. Keeping his house tidy was one that suffered greatly, instead of taking time to cook healthy meals for himself, he often ended up skipping them completely, not having the energy to do more than make himself a few sandwiches throughout the day, and as far as his home-gym went... Well, he'd closed the door some time ago, telling himself he'd rest for the weekend and get back at it the next.

The door had not been given even a glance since then.

Hidan seemed to get over the incident quickly, and had not attempted to get back at the man for his unreasonable refusal to use the copy machine for personal agendas. He continued to work just as diligently, to Kakuzu's dissatisfaction. And even further than that, Kakuzu had been continuously giving him more and more simple but tedious tasks, being far too exhausted to have any sort of patience enough to deal with such minor things.

Every ounce of spare energy he had went toward making sure to act his normal self around the albino nuisance. He was no fool, and he realized long ago that by some strange cosmic force, he'd been slowly adapting the pale man's lifestyle. Not sleeping, barely eating, dedicated completely to assuring his employee that he was still perfectly capable, but laying his head down onto his desk in a miserable surrender to his fatigue as soon as he was safely out of sight.

And he found himself strangely interested in the sheet music the boy had copied. He'd never received even an inkling that Hidan might be musically inclined. He'd not seen a single instrument at their apartment during his stay there. his curiosity was only made worse on one occasion when he'd made a trip to the bathroom. When he'd come back out, he'd heard singing, which immediately had his confused. There were no radio's in the clinic, no way to play music, he knew, seeing as Hidan did not have one of those 'smart phones' all the kids had these days which allowed them to do just that. So where was it coming from?

He had tiptoed a small ways up the hall, hiding behind the outcropping of wall in the hallway, out of sight from the pale man in the waiting room, sweeping the floor.

 _"Weep for yourself, my man, you'll never be what is in your heart..."_ He heard, remembering those words from the sheet music. He realized suddenly that it was  _Hidan_  singing while he worked. He was doing so quietly and mostly under his breath, but he was somewhat astounded by how pleasant the sound was to him.

_"Weep, little lion man, you're not as brave as you were at the start..."_

_So he liked to sing?_ Kakuzu mused, smirking to himself. His employee was so full of surprises sometimes. He'd honestly never expected such a womanly act from the man. Still though, who was he to throw out insults, sitting here listening as he was. Why was he listening? He wasn't sure, as had become somewhat usual for him. But he couldn't stop himself, he found.

" _Rate yourself and rape yourself, take all the courage you have left. Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head._ "

The Doctor wasn't anywhere near oblivious, and he knew that Hidan's generation thrived with music. It gave them something to relate to, a way to channel their emotions. Like a familiar stranger they could recede to whenever the mood struck them. He thought it relatively stupid of him to not toss Hidan in with all those statistics, of course he'd be a music-lover, he was twenty-two, just barely out of adolescence. He realized also how ironic this song was to be sung by Hidan.  _Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head._  How very similar, how very interesting.

" _And it was not your fault, but mine. It was your heart on the line. I really fucked it up this time, didn't I, my dear? Didn't I... my dear..."_

He slipped away then, having had enough of his own irritating behavior, standing there listening to the man sing like some swooning woman. It was ridiculous, but at the same time he was disturbed by how entranced he was. Hidan's voice rang in his ears, impressive to him by his own standards, seeing as he rarely paid attention to music in such a way as to judge the man for his talent.

He actually  _liked_  it, he thought with a slight bit of horror. He wouldn't mind hearing his employee finish the song... it was so strangely soothing...

What was happening to him? He often wondered as time continued to pass on from that moment. Being unable to rest was what started it all, every one of his new bad habits only feeding off of each other as he spiraled faster and faster toward some sort of breaking point. But he could not wrap his head around what, exactly, it was that was keeping him awake. Images of Hidan constantly invaded his mind, that too, pissed him off and fed itself as he lay there trying to convince his head that this phase had lasted long enough, and was due to end soon.

As he forced himself to think of something other than Hidan, finding only that nothing else was worth thinking about, in the sense that his entire life revolved around his business, and with Hidan a part of that, no matter what he did that insufferable idiot slipped back into his head! The man had no hobbies, he had no time for hobbies, because he was always working, earning money. He had no real friends aside from Kisame, who of course was dating the roommate of that pale bastard plaguing his mind. There was no escape, everywhere he turned was Hidan. And the fact that he kept surprising him with all these little quirks, the fact that he was not disgusted by all these things he knew he would surely find revolting on the persona of anyone else, it was troubling. Troubling to the point where he normally forced himself just to push it from his mind. Why worry about it? He was a doctor, not a psychologist. He had no need to understand it, all he wanted to do was get rid of this damn bug that refused to fly away.

It always came buzzing right back though, as soon as he would finally distract himself. He would be going about his duties, and every so often hear Hidan softly singing in that mesmerizing way. He would stop and listen, only for a moment, but he always did. Wondering what else the albino was hiding from him, hiding from the world. Wondering just how deep that broken mind of his actually went, how much more mystery the man kept trapped within that terrible outward personality. It was to the point where his employee was soon on his mind almost constantly. Every thought he had, every action he made somehow reminded him of the fool.

Always Hidan. Everywhere. All the time.

 

.

 

"Kakuzu, old pal!" Kisame's cheery voice exclaimed over the phone. "How the hell are you? Haven't heard a single peep in months! I take it that kid isn't being too hard on ya eh?"

"Indeed Kisame, I could never repay you for what you've done." Kakuzu grumbled back, massaging his tired eyes.

"Hmmm, that sounded like sarcasm, but it didn't have it's usual bite. You okay man?"

"Not at all." He admitted, far too fed up with holding his composure in front of Hidan to bother with doing the same with his only friend.

"Damn, the kid runnin' you through the ringer or what?"

"In a sense..." Cryptic responses at the moment, he may admit he's suffering, but he could never tell the man why. He'd go blabbering to that Uchiha boy without a doubt.

"Well are you sick? You sound plain-out beat. Gimme a hint here."

"It's none of your concern, Kisame. Hidan informed me that you told him this was a business call, so get to it."

"Heh. I only told him that so he'd put me through to you. Still didn't work, what's that about? Are you so booked he has to schedule your freaking calls?"

"Business has been increasing as it always does with the upcoming allergy season, yes. But the calling schedule was his idea, this way I don't get interrupted in the middle of my work."

There was an amused chuckle on the other end of the line. "His idea eh? Woow, what a good little slave to help out his master like that without an order."

"He has been doing well, unfortunately."

"A compliment too! Yeah, Kakuzu, You're obviously delirious with fatigue. Poor, tired, sick old man. Prescribe yourself some bedrest eh?"

"Believe me, Hoshigaki, I've tried..." He sighed, leaning back in the big office chair, letting his head fall over the edge to stare up at the ceiling.

The other end of the phone remained quiet for a moment, and Kakuzu very nearly dozed off, not even realizing his eyes had fallen shut until the voice on the other end snapped him back to awareness.

"Kakuzu... you're kinda freaking me out here. Are you saying you've been having trouble sleeping or what?"

He considered this question heavily before he answered, and found himself slightly disturbed by the fact that he actually  _wanted_  to confide in the man.

He'd hit a dead end here, as far as possible solutions to his problems went. He could not fire the secretary responsible for all this, even less-so now since he'd been exceeding expectations. Even without his legal history, the Doctor had absolutely no grounds to justify his termination. He'd been a huge help, if anything, though he'd never admit it out loud.

And Kakuzu Hoku was far,  _far_  too stingy to give himself vacation time in order to get away from the terrible distraction that was Hidan and get his thoughts back in order. Not only would the income of his business suffer, not only would this also mean giving Hidan the time off, in spite of all of that, he had a duty to his patients as the only licensed Doctor in town. Even if he weren't at the clinic, all the calls would forward themselves to his cell. Even while on vacation, he would still be working, despite it still being far less responsibility than usual.

"Yes." He replied simply, coming to a reluctant conclusion. Kisame never had qualms with coming to him with his problems, and with the ocean-loving man being the only human on Earth he was reasonably close to, he had no other to ask for help. And having gone through so many other new and unusual experiences these past few months, what was one more?

"Kisame..." He continued hesitantly, but then unable to say anything more. How did one go about asking for help without seeming pathetic? He wouldn't know, he couldn't recall every having such problems that required the need to do so. He could only go by those who had come to him with the request, and since he was speaking with his dear friend, perhaps something similar to what the man, himself, did would be the right path.

"What up?" The voice at the other end of the phone said, his voice still as jovial as usual, but now with thick concern spread heavily over it.

Kakuzu sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Dammit, I can't believe I'm asking this... Would you have free time this afternoon? We could go get some of your cherished alcohol, if you like."

The deadly silence on the other end almost made him hang up right then and there, to avoid further embarrassment. But finally Kisame replied, making him breathe a sigh of relief at the absence of any teasing.

"Absolutely, my friend. And this time, it's on me. I still owe you from before."

"You owe me from many other instances as well."

Kisame laughed. "Yeah, this is true. But let's take one step at a time neh? So what's your pleasure, wanna hit the bar again?"

"Absolutely not." Kakuzu replied immediately. He had absolutely no intention of repeating past mistakes. The weather was perfectly acceptable now, it being the end of March and the beginning of Spring, but he'd be damned if he were to risk being stranded like he had been all those months ago. His luck had only worsened in that time, and he knew without a doubt that something would go wrong. And to add to that, he had no urge at all to talk to the man about his affairs amidst the public eye.

"Alright, no prob. Your place or mine?"

Kakuzu considered this, and came to a decision quickly, what with the disarray his residence was still in.

"Yours, I'd like to get out of the house... And don't you dare go inviting that Uchiha." He added menacingly.

"Hah, you already sound like you're feeling better. You got it, I'll pick up some brew here in an hour when I get off, and see you there after nine, assuming you still keep the same hours."

"You assume correctly."

"Yeah, I shoulda known, you stubborn old scrooge. It's a date then!"

"Shut up Kisame." He said, though didn't hang up on him like usual. "I'll see you then."

"Yup."

Now, he did hang up, leaning forward to massage his temples. He glanced up at the clock, only a little after four in the afternoon. He still had the rest of the day to deal with his issues and his infuriating employee, as well as a paycheck to write up and distribute to the man. But, that was okay, he thought, strangely enough. He felt better for some reason, as Kisame had stated. And this, while still irritating him, also comforted him, assuring him that this had not been as terrible a decision as it seemed.

In any case, he still had many hours to ponder over it, plenty of time to decide against it, if he thought it necessary.

 

 

The end of the day came relatively fast, Hidan had been rather quiet today. In fact, if he wasn't mistaken, the pale man actually seemed rather glum. He was disturbed once again to notice that he noticed such a thing, but brushed it off, determined not to let it continue to affect him.

He would go to Kisame's tonight, and if he were lucky the man would have better insight into his problems, being the emotional wreck he often was. If anyone could help him find a way out of this, or at least find a better way to cope with it until it withered and died, it would be his oceanic friend.

As usual on the last business day of the month, he begrudgingly handed a somber Hidan the envelope with his earnings hidden inside, slightly put off by how the man accepted it without any emotion at all, and then waited by the door for his boss to finish up and leave so that he could lock up.

He didn't like Hidan acting this way, as much as he hated to say it. Calm and thoughtful didn't suit him, and it was obvious that he was having some sort of problem in that insane head of his. Impulsively, he told the pale man to go ahead and go wait for his ride, that he had a few papers to gather, and he would lock up.

The pigmentless eyes didn't react in any way at all to this, which perturbed him further. No appreciation, though he didn't expect it, and no surprise at the gesture, which he  _had_  expected. Hidan could be sharp when he wanted to, and the Doctor didn't bother to dismiss the man without all his tasks being finished, even one so small as locking the door. He would have thought, even if nothing was said, that Hidan would notice and at least be somewhat suspicious.

But he received nothing. Only a nod to show he'd heard him, before he left without a sound.

Kakuzu stayed in the same place, plagued and irritated by the concern involuntarily forcing itself on him. He didn't actually have any papers to get together, he'd said what he did without really thinking about it, another annoying result of his exhaustion. But he stood there and counted to thirty to make it seem as if that's what he was doing, before continueing out the door, pulling his keys from his pocket and locking the clinic behind him.

He spared a glance at his secretary as he passed him to reach his car. Hidan didn't even look up, his eyes unfocused in the direction of the parking lot as he puffed on a cigarette.

Again concern trickled into him, but he pushed it away just as he did every other unwelcome emotion. He didn't care for the boy, and he didn't care to know what was troubling him. He was a grown man, he could handle his own problems. Kakuzu already did more than necessary for him.

He slipped into his car, started it up, and backed out. He allowed another glance at Hidan, surprised then to find the pale man staring sadly back at him. He forced himself not to make any expression as the stare between them lingered. Why was he so bothered by Hidan's mood? He asked himself. Perhaps because it was unusual, he'd never really witnessed this melancholy sadness from the man before. He'd seen him angry, he'd seen him too overjoyed to contain himself, he'd seen him calm, but never had he seen him so... depressed. Part of him had somewhat forgot that the man even had mental instability, he'd been so normal for all these months.

Perhaps he was just having an off night, as far as his mental capacity was concerned.

He finally wrenched his eyes away, pushed the shifter into drive, and pulled away.

 

.

 

Dr. Hoku went directly to Kisame's after that. He had no wish to return to his disheveled house, there was nothing there he needed anyway. And this was not a date, as Kisame had jokingly referred to it, and thusly he had no reason to change from the clothes he'd worn to work.

He worked vigorously at putting the albino out of his mind for the moment as he entered the man's house without knocking. It was rude, yes, but Kisame didn't mind, he knew for a fact. His personality wouldn't allow it.

The sound of someone strumming a guitar immediately assaulted him as he removed his coat and hung it on one of the hooks on the wall, moving through the long entryway and making a right into the man's livingroom. He was greeted by the sight of his friend seated comfortably on his sectional with a guitar in his hands, casually strumming out a tune he vaguely recognized, but couldn't put a name to. The T.V. was on, but muted, something that always annoyed the Doctor. Why waste electricity leaving the thing on if you weren't going to watch it?

Kisame opened his eyes, focusing on Kakuzu just as he made his way over to the couch and seated himself. A cheery grin tore across his face.

"Aah, you snuck up on me. I thought to myself there for a minute 'Does he even remember where I live?' But I figured you'd let me know if you didn't."

The elder eyed him for a moment, unsure really how to respond to this. It was then that he noticed the four beer cans on the coffee table beside Kisame's feet, crossed over one another.

"My God Hoshigaki, you're not drunk off of just those are you?"

Kisame laughed a little louder than the doctor thought necessary. "A little, my friend. A little. I figured, hey, it's my house, I paid for the shit, why wait?" He continued strumming on the guitar as he spoke.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes, letting them land on the guitar in the man's hands. Black body with a wooden neck, and some strange symbol printed on it. He'd never seen that one before, but then again, he hadn't been to the man's house in years.

"What tune is that?" He asked, finally being irritated enough by being unable to recognize it.

"Gold on the Ceiling," Kisame said, finishing up the song. "By The Black Keys. You like it?"

"I've heard it before, I don't mind it as much as some of the other ridiculous music they're coming out with these days."

"It has kind of an old-timey sound to it neh? Old and new sounding at the same time."

Kakuzu nodded, he'd all but forgotten that Kisame dabbled in guitar-playing. When they were younger, it was one of the things that had interested him. He'd been playing an electric guitar he'd found at the house where the college party was being held that they'd first met at.

He also found it irritating that they were discussing music as they were, mainly for the fact that it reminded him of his employee. He'd managed to get his mind off of the brat for all of five minutes, that was a new record.

"Beer's in the fridge. Grab yourself one, you look like you need it." Kisame said, nodding back out into the hall, which lead to the kitchen. "Hell, grab the whole case and bring it in here if you want. No reason to keep walking back and forth, I'm sure it's cold enough by now. I got Rolling Rock*, I recalled that you liked that brand. " He said, giving the man a toothy grin.

Kakuzu grunted in response, but didn't get up quite yet. He was currently taking a second look at the symbol on the guitar.

"Isn't that the Alcoholics Anonymous symbol?" He questioned, gesturing to it. "I don't recall you ever having a drinking problem. And if you're drunk off of only four beers, I'd say you're giving yourself too much credit."

Kisame gave another hearty laugh, removing the instrument from his lap and setting it aside. "That's what I thought when I first saw it too. Itachi pointed out that the triangles pointing the wrong way. Turns out its some logo for the band that owned it before."

"What would possess you to purchase something with such an easily mistaken mark on it?"

"Baah, It's not mine. I'm holding it for Itachi. He got it as a birthday present for the kid." He said, patting it a couple times before pushing himself off the couch and pausing to stretch his back. "On second thought, you stay here. You're a guest, I'll get off my lazy ass and get the beer. You relax, you look like hell, man." He said before disappearing.

Kakuzu didn't really hear him, He was too taken off guard by this new information. He sat in the same place, mulling this over as he stared at the guitar.

 

A birthday present for Hidan?

He almost felt stupid now, suddenly remembering that the man, indeed, had a birthday coming up. Within the next couple days, no less. As many times as he'd read through his employee's file, he really should have thought of that sooner. Was that why he'd been acting so strange?

Bloody hell, he'd probably expected his boss to wish him happiness on the day, or at least give him some sort of acknowledgement for it. But why would Kakuzu's negligence of that bring it on? It wasn't as if they were anything more than co-workers. No, surely it wasn't anything he'd done, the idiot probably had his own reasons for being upset over it.

And why did he care if he did something wrong anyway? It wasn't his responsibility to with his employee a happy birthday, though it  _was_  common courtesy.

Kisame re-entered the room then, holding two boxes, one of them opened. He set them down on the large coffee table with the contents inside clinking together, and flopped back down into his seat after grabbing another one for himself.

"So what's up? You're never the one to propose ideas like this." He said, twisting off the bottle cap and taking a swig.

Kakuzu sighed heavily, grabbing himself a beer and repeating the action. He was certainly going to need the liquid relaxer for the rest of this night. Hell, maybe it would get his damn brain to stop centering on that albino fool.

"I'm not proud of being reduced to it..." He said, dodging the question.

"Well, it's not like I'm gonna give you shit for it. Like I said before, you look like hell. You said you haven't been able to sleep, what's up with that?"

"I'm not entirely sure. But I'm not stupid enough to hope that the weekend will bring any different results."

"Has it been going on for awhile? I've never seen you look so... Shit, I don't even know how to describe it. You're freaking me out though. Nothing ever bugs you this bad."

"Months..." He answered, staring at his beer, trying to sort out his thoughts before impulsively lifting the bottle and downing what was nearly a full beer. When he lowered it finally and set it on the table, he looked back up to his old friend, regarding him with unrestrained concern.

"Well you have to talk to me, man. I can't do anything to help otherwise."

The doctor studied him for a moment, debating on whether he wanted to go through the pain and humiliation of opening up. His bloodshot eyes flicked over to the guitar for a moment, but he quickly tore them away in favor of reaching for another beer.

"You've helped enough just by giving me something to do. An empty house doesn't provide sufficient distraction."

"Distraction from what?"

"Un-important things."

"If they're not important then why are they bugging you?"

"That's what I'd like to know."

Kisame chuckled and shook his head, raising his beer to his lips again. "Alright, Mister cryptic, confusing, responses. I'll let it drop. I'm just happy I have someone to hang with on this Friday night. And an excuse to have a few."

"As if a grown man needs any excuse. You're not an alcoholic. And a beer a day is healthier than most people realize."

"Mmhmm, and I haven't had any since last time we drank together, so I got some catching up to do." He laughed, taking another swig.

"A rotten night that was..." Kakuzu mumbled, doing the same.

"Ahh, it wasn't so baaad."

"Perhaps not for you... You were practically ogling that Uchiha the whole time."

"Awe C'mon. Don't tease me like that. You're the one who told me to make a decision. I made one, pretty happy about it too. You give such good advice, you know?"

"I  _am_  a Doctor, Kisame."

"An uptight, crotchety one." He laughed back. "You really threw me there for a bit though."

Kakuzu raised a single brow in question.

Kisame laughed.

"I seriously never even considered that you liked dudes, old friend. You had me fooled for a pretty long-ass time."

The Doctors brows furrowed, and he finished off his second drink quickly. "It wasn't any of your or anyone else's business anyway..." He muttered, reaching for another.

"Yeah, that's true. It was just a shocker though, you know. We've been friends forever, I didn't know you had any more surprises left in that dense personality of yours. It was weird, finding out I didn't know everything about you like I thought I did."

"Well, your conscious can rest easy now. That was the last 'surprise'."

"Is it? Awe, that's a bummer."

Again Kakuzu shot him a quizzical look. Kisame only shrugged in response, smiling to himself as if he was aware of something that the elder man wasn't.

"What are you smirking for?"

"I'm not smirking. I'm smiling, That's what people do when they're happy, you know. Try it some time."

"Don't give me that. You're making fun of me."

"No, honestly I'm not!"

"Then what's the smirk for?"

"I'm not smirking!"

"Kisame..." Dr. Hoku warned, to which he received only another laugh.

"Oh calm yourself. You're supposed to be relaxing. Do I need to show you how to do it again?" He joked, taking a few large swallows of his beer.

Kakuzu ignored the comment, following the action once again, and continuing on as he finished off one more.

"Calm down you old coot, you're gonna make yourself sick!"

"I have perfect control of myself, thank you." He growled again, retrieving another bottle of alcohol.

"You don't seem like it. Seriously man, tell me what's bugging you. I can see so far it's something you're embarrassed about. I'm not gonna go blabbing."

"Oh surely not, especially not to that gossiping Uchiha boy."

It was Kisame's turn to stare speculatory at his friend. "Why are you so worried about Itachi? Does it have something to do with him?"

"No. But he's directly related to it."

"... is it about something that happened that night?"

"Somewhat."

The elder man jumped slightly then as Kisame flailed and groaned in a way that reminded him of Hidan. "C'mon Kakuzu!" He said loudly. " You're not one for bullshitting people. You came over here for a reason. I know you want to talk about it, so get on with it already!" He said, waving at him.

The Doctor stared at him for a few moments, considering. Right, he'd never really settled on any decision as to whether he was actually going to share his problems with the man, but he was right. He'd pretty well done the exact same thing that night Kisame had come to him, the roles had switched, but the problem was still the same. He needed some kind of consolment, some kind of venting that would get all this shit off his mind.

He was being childish, he realized, being so threatened by his friend and his fear that the information might leave this room. He knew the ocean-loving man well, and he would never betray him in such a way as to turn around and make Kakuzu's problems public knowledge. At least he surely hoped not, honestly he'd never had to confide such an embarrassing weakness to the man. He'd never been so troubled with anything, he'd always been perfectly capable of accepting himself the way he was, never felt any shame.

He sighed, leaning back, reveling in how good it actually felt to let himself melt into the couch cushions. On impulse, he tipped his head forward so that he could reach back behind him and pull the band from his hair. He felt an immediate release of pressure on his skull, and sighed again, this time from relief, before taking another large swallow of beer.

"I'm... Sorry..." He said hesitantly. The words felt so foreign on his lips. And apparently they felt just as foreign on his friends ears, who looked completely bewildered now.

"You're  _sorry?_  Holy shit Kakuzu... Did you kill someone?"

"No, you idiot!" He snapped back.

"Well then what the hell! You're seriously scaring me! What the fuck is the matter with you?"

He put a palm to his forehead, dragging it down his face as he growled beneath his breath in frustration. he sat back forward into his previous position, gulping down the rest of his beer as he steeled himself. He might as well just come out with it.

...But he couldn't.

"I don't know how to begin to tell you..." He admitted.


	12. Chapter 12

"Just blurt it out! That's what us mere mortals do." Kisame replied, the joking intent in his words smothered by the lasting concern he held. He was genuinely afraid for his dear friend. In all their years, and that was a LOT of years, mind you, he'd never, not once acted this way.

Kakuzu was the living embodiment of self-restraint and control. The only emotion that ever broke through that rocky surface was anger, and even that was closely leashed on most occasions. Happiness, depression, worry, fear, they all came out exactly the same; indifference. But this, this was... well, it was terrifying!

Millions of horrible situations flashed through the ocean-loving mans head, each of them worst than the last as to what kind of trouble his old friend could have possibly gotten himself into, each of them seeming more and more unlikely to have happened, but still blurring by in a frenzy of panic.

Kakuzu would never become a drug dealer, he'd never get involved in some sort of mafia war, at least not here in this small town. Kisame certainly couldn't see the _D_ _octor_  murdering someone in cold blood after remembering some repressed childhood memory that caused him to develop a severe case of schizophrenia. Certainly the elder man wasn't money-hungry enough to cheat the government out of millions of dollars and have to go on the run as a wanted fugitive.

But what the hell else could be so serious to as to keep the Doctor awake night after night, driving him so far past desperation that he would actually ask Kisame, who the tanned-skinned man repeatedly called an overly-emotional buffoon, for guidance!?

 _No, no... Bad Kisame. Calm yourself._  He thought, taking in a deep, shaky breath. Kakuzu was the one having a crisis here, don't make it worse by embarrassing him.

Oh God, he really didn't want to get involved in some sort of legal scandal though. What if the man  _had_  killed someone? What if he  _was_  wanted by the secret service!? Kisame would be listed as an accomplice!

"It's not that easy..." Kakuzu replied, not meeting his eyes (Which Kisame thanked the Gods for, seeing as he'd probably scream and run from the room if he saw even so much of a glint of murderous intent in the christmas-colored optics.)

"Sure it is." He said uneasily, going to take another sip, but stopping himself to stare thoughtfully at the bottle. Hm, he'd had quite a few of these in not very much time... he should probably stop for a little bit. The damn alcohol was probably what was causing his silent over-reaction in the first place.

Right, Kakuzu Hoku might have secretly liked guys this whole time, but that didn't mean he was also secretly some sort of terrorist spy sent from Russia or God-fucking-knows-where to find out all the dirty secrets and weaknesses of the United States.

He shook his head, grimacing at the beverage before clearing his throat and setting it down gently on the coffee table before turning to face his old friend bodily.

"Alright, here, what'll make it easier? Tell me all the stuff that's resulted from this problem first. And then maybe I can piece it all together, then you won't even have to say anything!"

Kakuzu did look up at him now, and for a terror-stricken moment Kisame stared back, heart-beating wildly. He relaxed a millisecond later though, Kakuzu's eyes were the same as always, hiding no deadly secrets or second personalities. In fact, if anything, they looked softer somehow, not as uncaring and bland as usual.

Hm... Damn. He really wished the old man would just come out with it. The curiosity was killing him!

"You already said you haven't been able to sleep. I got that much, is there anything else? Are you getting sick more often? Or.. you know... feel the overwhelming urge to stab random strangers?"

Kakuzu's face twisted ever so slightly in amused confusion. "What the hell are you on about?"

"Well I don't fucking know!?" He said loudly, throwing his hands up. "See my side of things here. The day Kakuzu Hoku comes to  _me_  of all people asking for help... I mean, you're not a secret agent or something are you? You're not gonna make me help you kidnap the president or anything right?"

Kakuzu stared back emotionlessly for such a long time that Kisame almost launched into another panic. Just before he did, the elder man huffed out a small laugh, taking another drink of his beer slowly. "Kisame... You're an idiot." He said slowly, almost carefully. "I don't know what's gotten into you, but I don't appreciate you demeaning me like you're doing. Be serious for once in your wretched life. I have no problem dropping this whole matter and just returning home."

The slightly taller man remained silent now, though chuckling sheepishly. Well, maybe he was being a little stupid... He needed to calm down, sober up, and think this through. Kakuzu needed him, which never happened, and probably never would again, especially if he blew it. The man had always been there for him before, and to fail him at this point would be pretty damn well similar to pure betrayal.

Alright, now what has he said so far, aside from not sleeping well.

His shiney, demonic-looking eyes drifted around the room in through, landing beside him on the guitar before anything popped into his mind.

Itachi, right, he said Itachi was directly related to it! so... What would Itachi have to do with anything that involved Kakuzu. Did the man have some sort of mental condition he'd been keeping hidden from Kisame all these years? Was he saying he needed therapy or something? Did he want sleeping pills? Cause Itachi couldn't just hand that kind of shit out, he may technically be a Doctor as well, but psychologists weren't pharmacists. He didn't possess that kind of power, if Dr. Hoku wanted pills then he'd have to go to an actual medical evaluation at the behavioral health center...

He blinked... nooo. What the hell? Kakuzu  _was_  a doctor, he had his own access to sleeping pills!

Okay so scratch that idea... What else relates to Itachi? He said also that it somewhat involved what happened the last time they'd gone to the bar and had been stranded at his boyfriends apartment for most of the night. But how would that affect his sleeping, it wasn't as if anything traumatic had happened. In fact if anyone were to be traumatized it should be the Uchiha himself, having to climb out his window and face his neighbor the way he did...

His eyes were still lingering on the guitar, though they had gone distant long ago. They came back to focus now as he concluded that he had no fucking idea what it was, and needed another hint, before it finally occurred to him what the correlation was between all of the hints he'd been given so far.

 

Now he really did feel like an idiot.

 

Hah, he'd been reminded of it earlier, when Kakuzu had mentioned that night, and he'd recalled the conversation he and Itachi had had, and the agreement they'd settled on, only for it to become null and void a few hours later after the brat apparently realized he liked Kaku..zu...

Oh dear God, how fucking stupid was he?

He couldn't stop the snort that forced it way up his throat as his eyes flicked over to the doctor. When he received a suspicious death-glare for it, he tried desperately to fight the grin that stretched awkwardly across his features. Eventually he lost the fight though.

He was embarrassed, which was half of the cause for the near maniacal laughter that burst from him. Embarrassed that he'd worried himself so terribly, embarrassed that he'd freaked out the way he did. He was embarrassed for Kakuzu too.

It made so much sense, it all fell together so perfectly, that  _had_  to be the reason!

 

"What in the  _hell_  are you laughing about, Hoshigaki!?" The man snarled, looking as if he wanted to slap his dear friend again.

Itachi was absolutely right. He'd sort of agree'd with him before, he'd been willing to haphazardly embrace the idea, and he could have sort of seen it for himself that night. It had still been pretty well hidden though, and he wasn't a mind-reader like his young boyfriend, in the days after that event he had mulled it over constantly every time the Uchiha brought it up. He'd argued with him, telling him over and over again that he wasn't so sure he was right on this one. That there was no possible way Kakuzu Hoku, king of all dicks, the most heartless of all the heartless, would ever develop any kind of attraction for his newest employee.

Maybe it was just Hidan's weird infatuation that made the Uchiha so hopeful. It was his undying, brotherly sort of love for his friend that caused it, his desire to help him reach happiness that more or less tricked himself into seeing some sort of fondness that wasn't actually there.

But by God, here it was right in front of him.

It was so obvious, the Doctor would never,  _ever_  be so terribly distraught over anything other than losing control of his emotions. He really  _did_  like the little albino kid. Kisame almost couldn't even wrap his head around it. Damn that Uchiha, there was no way he was only human.

"I'm sorry, Kakuzu, old friend. I'm so sorry, I really don't mean to laugh at you. Please don't leave..." He said, holding a hand out to him to emphasize the apology, but still being unable to stop his laughter, though it had died down significantly. "I just.. ehehehe... Sorry. I just, I think I've figured it out..."

"How could you have possibly done that? I've not told you anything more." The elder growled, face tightening in anger.

"Hey, Gimme a break. I told you I was buzzing earlier. My mind just had to catch up with what you were saying." He finally did seem to regain control of himself, taking even, deep breaths to assure that he wouldn't break out into laughter anymore, which would probably risk a couple hard punched from his dear friend. And he didn't want that, Kakuzu's punches fucking hurt, and he wasn't afraid to leave bruises on the Ocean-loving man.

"And what is it you think you've figured out, imbecile?" Kakuzu growled, looking as if he were readying to do exactly what Kisame was fearing.

"Well," He said, swiping up his beer again, confident now that he could handle it since that little panic-attack was over and he had everything lined up. He took a long, slow drink, finishing off the bottle before he continued. "You're worried about Itachi finding out, because he's directly related to it. " He recited, studying the man in concentration, looking for signs that he was on the right track, even though he was 99% positive that he was.

"So, what direct correlation does Itachi have with anything in your life? I mean, aside from me really, he has nothing to do with anything you do, except for one thing, or... one  _person_ , I should say..."

Kakuzu's eyes narrowed, though not in anger, he didn't think. It almost looked like he were in physical pain, in fact. And this only confirmed the younger man's suspicions.

"I mean really, that alone should have tipped me off right away... I guess you're right about me being an idiot for taking so long to figure it out..."

"To figure  _what_  out?" Kakuzu stated then, making Kisame's relaxation disappear for a moment.

He stared quizzically at the old man, was there something more? Was he not making it obvious enough? There really wasn't anything more he could do aside from just say it out loud, which would undoubtedly humiliate the old man beyond repair. Unless that's what he wanted him to do, but Kisame didn't think that was it.

Was he missing something here?

"Well, It's... the kid right? That's been bugging you?"

"Yes, you idiot. But it's more than that. I already told you he'd been doing a fine job at work. It's not even  _him_ that's the problem... even though it is..." He trailed off, looking down at his beer bottle in thought, swirling the contents of it.

Kisame stared at him, confused. Well yeah, he knew it wasn't the kids fault, it was Kakuzu's fault, he couldn't sleep because he was so mad at himself for feeling the way he did, it wasn't as if Kisame didn't know that already...

Oh wait.

Duh.

 

Kakuzu didn't know that Itachi had caught onto them long before. He didn't know that the Uchiha had enlisted his boyfriend in the struggle to bring them together.

Kakuzu didn't know that Kisame knew. So he thought he was only connecting half the pieces.

Well damn, now he felt really stupid for his fit of laughter earlier. Kakuzu had probably assumed he'd been laughing about something completely different in relation to the situation.

Well shit, now he was stuck at a crossroads. He could tell Kakuzu the whole truth, that Itachi already knew, that he had told Kisame, and that the youngest of the bunch had informed him personally that Hidan was also suffering from this unwanted affection.

He could tell him half the truth, that Itachi had suspected it and mentioned it to him, and that was how he put the pieces together.

Or he could keep playing dumb, and put Kakuzu through the embarrassment of having to spell it out for him even though he was perfectly aware. That option would probably lead to another bout of uncontrollable laughter, however, which would end up in Kakuzu storming from the house. And he didn't want that. He wanted to help his friend.

Hmm... What would Itachi do in this situation. Something exceedingly clever and probably somewhat shady. Something that would somehow gently guide the old miser into some realization without getting himself into too much trouble.

Well... Shit... he wasn't very good at this kind of thing...

He inhaled deeply, then let it out, making a gut decision and running with it. That's what he did, after all. That's how he lived his life.

"I know, man. I get it." He said gently, not breaking eye contact when Kakuzu looked questionably back up at him. "I do. I'm not  _that_ dumb."

The elder man's brows furrowed slightly, and Kisame rolled his eyes. "Are you gonna make me say it out loud? I though  _I'm_  supposed to be the immature, squeamish one here! You  _like_  him, don't you?"

The Doctor remained silent, though he was grinding his teeth, and gripping the glass bottle so tightly in his hands that Kisame was slightly fearful that it might shatter.

"Yes." The tanned man said through clenched teeth.

"Hey man, it's okay. Don't be so pissed at yourself. It happens, it's part of being human, you know? You can't always control the shit that goes through your mind. Stop freaking out."

"Quit speaking to me like some child that needs consolment. I'm not a fool, I'm fine with not being in complete control. That's not what the problem is here."

"Well then what is it?"

Kakuzu's head snapped up to look at him, his glare so full of rage that the younger might burst into flames if such a thing were possible. He didn't answer right away, sitting there grinding his teeth, and stiffly finishing off his beer and getting another one.

Kisame didn't stop him, now that he understood what was going on. Hell, he'd pretty much done the same thing when he first found out he liked Itachi. It was different, though. Because previous to that, he'd been straight. Kakuzu had apparently been bi-sexual for a very long time. So obviously it wasn't the shock of realizing he liked someone of the same gender. And apparently it wasn't the fact that he was feeling emotions he couldn't control. But what the hell else was there for him to be so upset about?

Kakuzu sighed, bringing the younger out of his thoughts. The man's posture had relaxed significantly, and he stared absently at the flickering television, still muted. "It won't go away. It gets worse and worse every day. Every time I hear him speak, every time I have to look at his accursed, idiotic face!" He looked up to Kisame, surprising the man with the desperation in them. It was slight, but it was there. And Kakuzu was never a man to allow weakness to outwardly show.

"I know infatuation, Kisame. You and everyone else may think me a heartless bastard, but I've held a few childish little crushes in my younger days. They were easy to ignore, I had more important things to attend to anyway than raging hormones. They went away easily enough, and they never manifested themselves in physical ways." He explained. The oceanic man was pleased that he'd finally started talking, as hard as it still seemed. The man was coming to life more and more with each word he said, like some small burdon he was unloading off himself. He grabbed himself another beer, still listening attentively.

"There are always attractive people I see throughout the day. I've never given them a second glance." He paused to take a drink of his beverage. "Never, not once, have I ever had a problem like this. Not in all my years... I can't get it to stop. It's the most infuriating of all. Not the notion itself, the fact that it's happening now, after all this time. And with  _him_  of all people. It couldn't be with a respectable woman closer to my age..."

He looked wearily at Kisame, who suspected that the quickly consumed alcohol might finally be making an appearance, as all the man's walls seem to be weakening.

"I'm not a believer in  _love,_ Hoshigaki. But that doesn't mean I'm opposed to it. The idea has always been beyond my ability to grasp, and so I never paid any mind. I love a lot of  _things;_  money, respect, my work, having a successful business... I'm not incapable of enjoying  _things,_ and I've even enjoyed the company of others from time to time. But people have never been my forte. I've never been faced with this, I don't know how to handle it."

He finally stopped, warring internally with something that Kisame couldn't even begin to imagine. He was taken off-guard completely now, hearing the closed-off Kakuzu Hoku speak out loud about topics like this. He didn't really know how to handle it either, but he knew he had to do  _something._

Kisame was no expert with relationships either. He struggled just as much with them, though in a completely different way. Unlike his old friend, Kisame had always been friendly, he'd always had an easy time communicating with others, he'd never been a detached sort of person. But he could empathize completely with how the Doctor must feel.

He'd watched him for so long, not really thinking anything of it, never wondering if Kakuzu had ever actually  _wanted_  some kind of deep, romantic relationship. He was always so sure of himself, never expressed anything of the sort. And so the scarred man had dismissed it without a second thought. He'd thought to himself on that night at Itachi's apartment, that this was exactly what the man needed,  _his own itachi Uchiha_ , he'd reasoned. But he hadn't considered how it would affect him to actually have the event come to fruition.

"Heh, I thought you said you didn't have any more surprises." He muttered, absently taking a drink of his own beer.

"Imagine that, the boy's made a  _liar_  out of me too.." Came the melancholy reply.

Kisame chuckled a bit, bracing himself. Alright, he had to help now. He had to say something to comfort the man, to be honest and straightforward. No offense to his boyfriend, but Itachi's devious methods didn't seem like the sort of thing that would help at the moment.

"Okay. Well, my friend, This is what I understand from what you've said; You don't mind having a thing for the kid, the part that bugs you is that you're ashamed of yourself for wanting it the way you do. Am I right?"

Kakuzu took a moment to consider this before giving a solemn nod.

"Well, like you said, it's not going away. It's keeping you up at night, driving you crazy, so you can't just let it continue on like this. Do you want my opinion?"

"Only if it is not the usual idiotic blabbering you usually go on about."

Kisame smiled, the man was already coming back to his senses. Good. "Alright. Then here it is; make a move." He stated simply, reclining back to a comfortable position on the couch, taking a sip of beer and regarding his friend cheerfully.

" _Make a move?_  That's your advice?"

"Yep, take it or leave it. I don't see any other options at this point." He said, shrugging one shoulder, ignoring the death glare he was receiving. "You work with the guy, you can't fire him, he ain't gonna quit. Emotions like that aren't going to just go away when you have to be around him that often. You obviously can't ignore it, so the only thing to do is to do something about it."

"That's the most _ridiculous_ -"

"No it's not." Kisame said. "You remember all the stuff you said to me when I was having that meltdown about Itachi? Well, think about that. This situation is completely different, yeah, but it's still kind of the same. So make a move."

"And what move and I supposed to make, exactly?" Kakuzu mocked.

"I don't know dude. That's up to you. But think of it this way! The kid only has two options, just like I did when Itachi kissed me. He can either go with it, or reject it. If he goes with it, you're both happy, if he rejects it, he'll probably finally quit, and then you can get on with you life and get over him. Either way, it looks like a win-win to me." He took a drink of beer to shut himself up now. He was very close to informing Kakuzu of what he knew about Itachi's roommate; that he secretly liked Kakuzu back.

It was actually really simple, despite the commotion. He only had to get the stubborn old man to do what he was suggesting. He knew without a doubt the kid would probably embrace it. And his heart was heavy with hope that it would happen. If Kakuzu was feeling this strongly for the kid without them even being involved together, it had to be something special. Maybe it would get the guy to start enjoying life a little more.

But that was the only problem, getting the reserved man to come out of that damn forcefield he had set up around his emotions. Getting him to expose himself long enough for something to get done about it.

"It's not that simple, you dult." Kakuzu finally countered. "You're not taking into account that the boy is  _twenty-two._ "

"He'll be twenty-three in a couple days." Kisame said simply, smirking.

"That makes no difference. He's still over twenty years younger than me. And he's a man. I may not have a problem with it, you may not have a problem with it. But What do you think the inhabitants of this town will think when they hear rumors that I'm with a child, a  _male_  child. What do you think that's going to do to my reputation, my business? That damned neighbor of theirs was willing to find another doctor just over the fact that I was  _working_  with him. I'll lose half my clientele if they find out I'm in some twisted relationship with the idiot!"

Kisame was silent now.

 

Shit, he hadn't thought of that...

 

"This is not just a matter of lust and love, Kisame. It's not one of those ridiculous movies you and that Uchiha boy watch. There is no clean way to do what you're telling me to do. There are going to be repercussions to deal with."

Kisame's mouth bobbed open and closed as he tried to come up with something to calm the man. He was right though, He and Itachi had more or less had to keep their relationship mostly a secret. And he didn't have his own business, he didn't have a reputation anywhere near that of Kakuzu's to live up to. He was just some guy that worked at the courthouse. Itachi himself received enough flack for being so open about his sexuality, God knows he'd gone through hell throughout his life because of it. And even now he was still looked down on for it.

His dear old friend might very well be run out of town for it, if he lost enough business...

His heart sank deeply now. Damn, and he'd thought he'd been doing such a good job...

He opened his mouth finally to reply, when his cell-phone suddenly went off. Kakuzu glared down at his pocket where the sound was emitted from, and Kisame sheepishly fidgeted to pull it out.

The caller I.D identified it as Itachi who was calling, and he looked hesitantly at Kakuzu.

"It's Itachi."

"Well? Go ahead and answer it. But this conversation stays between us."

"Yeah, of course. Don't worry about him finding out, Kakuzu, I wouldn't do that to you." He assured, sliding the green circle across the screen to answer the call. Kakuzu leaned back on the couch after getting himself another beer, meanwhile.

 

"Hey Angel, what's up?" He said into the receiver, ignoring the eye-roll from his friend.

"Are you busy?" Itachi's gentle voice asked quickly.

His eyes flicked nervously over to Kakuzu, regarding him in stoic silence. He held up a finger to the man, and pushed himself from the couch, making his way out of the living room, down the hall, and into the bathroom, being sure to lock the door behind him.

His lover seemed excited about something, and knowing him, it was most likely about Hidan. He didn't want to risk the older man accidentally overhearing whatever it was that might be said about him.

"A little bit. I have Kakuzu over, But we're just chatting. What's up?" He asked again.

"Dr. Hoku is there?"

"Yeah."

"Why? I thought he never came to your house anymore."

"He's having some problems, needed to get out of his house for a little bit."

"I see. Can he hear me?"

"No, I'm in the bathroom now."

"Perfect. Absolutely perfect." Itachi laughed a little bit on the other end of the line. Kisame raised a brow the his reflection in the mirror. "I need your help." The Uchiha continued. "Hidan has requested to go out on the town this weekend. I want to throw him a party, and I want you to invite Dr. Hoku."

"What? Why? When?"

"Well, I want to do it tomorrow. His birthday is actually on Monday but I'm not going to assume Dr. Hoku will let him have the day off, and I don't want to do it on a Sunday night since they both have to work the next morning."

"Well, That makes sense and all babe, but what are you planning?"

"Hidan has finally stopped pretending I exist, and has shared some interesting information with me. He's gradually accepted his feelings for the Doctor, I think it's to the point where he's desperate for something to happen."

"Oh really?" Kisame said, wanting desperately to tell Itachi what he'd learned, but not daring to betray his dear friend like that.

"Yes, so I'm going to throw him a party at the Pool Hall. He's going to skip his medications, most likely get himself so drunk that he won't know what he's doing, and I want the Doctor to be there. Knowing Hidan, he'll be too inebriated to stop himself from making his affections clear to the man."

"Okaaay. Well that makes sense in theory, babe. But how exactly do you expect me to convince Kakuzu to go to the kid's birthday party? You know, he's not exactly... Well. I don't know, I don't think he'll go for it." And he didn't, though a few ideas were popping up in his head now. Itachi really was an evil genius, and his timing couldn't be more perfect.

"Just do whatever you have to do! This is the perfect opportunity, Kisa! We can't just let it slip by!"

"But I thought you said we weren't going to meddle anymore..."

"I know what I said. I lied. Hidan needs help, he's too damn stubborn to do anything on his own, and it's starting to affect him badly."

"Yeah, I bet so..." Kisame said without thinking, His old friend's condition still fresh, then mentally kicking himself.

It was a good idea, really, but he was feeling guilty now, what with the observation Kakuzu had made still fresh on his mind. If they kept up their meddling, and did achieve their goal, what would it mean to his dear old friend? Especially out in public, at a party. What if Hidan humiliated the old man? It was a perfect opportunity alright, an opportunity for things to either go wonderfully right, or terribly wrong.

"So you'll do it then?"

He reached up to scratch the back of his head, grimacing at his reflection. "I'll give it a shot, you know I can't say no to you, babe. But I'm not going to guarantee anything. I'm not so good at this manipulation stuff, and Kakuzu isn't as easy a target as the kid..."

"That's all I ask of you. If it doesn't happen, then it doesn't happen. But I simply can't sit by and do nothing any longer. We left it alone for this long and look what's happened? Nothing."

"Yeah... you don't think maybe it's a bad idea though?" He asked nervously. "Don't you think we should leave the decision to them?"

"I'm not going to force them, Kisame. Just give them a gentle nudge in the right direction. If they reject each other, then that's that. I won't intervene anymore. But this stalemate they're locked in isn't healthy on either of their parts. I just want everything to be out in the open between them, they're both so stubborn, you know. Nothing will come of it if we don't use a little persuasion."

Kisame sighed, surrendering. "Yeah. Alright. I just don't want anything bad to happen..."

"What are you worried might happen?"

"Kakuzu is just..." He stopped himself, clenching his eyes and fists. "He's going through some stuff..."

"What kind of stuff."

"Stuff he doesn't know how to deal with."

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment, before Itachi's gentle voice came ringing back, blowing Kisame away once again with his keen powers of observation. "He's talking to you about Hidan isn't he?"

"I uh... can't say."

"Ah, I see. you're forbidden to tell me. That's good of you Kisame, you're a wonderful friend, you know? But that just makes it all the more important that we get them together."

"Well yeah, but... You know how people are, Baby. How they treat you and me, you don't think those two are going to have an even worse time of it?"

"I've taken that into account, Kisame, you've nothing to fear. I'll do everything in my power to keep them from suffering any humiliation. You and I will both keep a close watch on them during the party, I'll already have Hidan on a very tight leash. Just because he hasn't taken his medication doesn't mean it's not still in his system. Consuming alchohol might have no effect at all, or it might have a drastically profound one. So I have no plans of leaving him un-monitered. And if, by some miracle, they decide to pursue each other, we will help them."

Kisame chuckled. So Devious, his Angel was. "I never can argue with you.."

"So you're okay then?"

"Yeah. I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you Kisame, you're so good to me."

"Awe, what can I say? I'm a hopeless romantic."

"And that's what I love about you. I'll let you get to it. Hidan's retired to his room again, So I'm going to make a few calls and set everything up."

"Alright, text me with the details."

"I will. Good night."

"Sweet dreams, Angel."  _I love you..._  He wanted to say, but didn't. they'd only been dating a few months, he'd wait a little while longer before making such proclamations. He wanted to be sure of his own feelings, after all.

The line clicked, signaling the end of the call, and Kisame put the phone back in his pocket, sighing heavily and staring at his reflection in concern.

 

.

 

After using the bathroom, since he was already in there, he returned to the living room, giving Kakuzu a reassuring smile as he seated himself back down. He didn't wait for the man to ask, as he probably wouldn't, because that's just how he was.

"Itachi's planning a party for the kid." He said nonchalantly, grabbing himself another beer and opening it up. "Tomorrow, he thinks, at the pool hall."

"Why would I care about that?" The Doctor grumbled back, and Kisame noticed two more empty bottles on the table in front of him that hadn't been there when he'd left.

"He wanted me to invite you, cause the kid doesn't have that many friends, you know."

Kakuzu scoffed and took another drink. "As if I'd be caught dead."

"I told him you'd probably say that. But it got me to thinking, you know, this could be your chance."

He received a quizzical stare.

"Well, you know, he's going to let Hidan drink. That's why he wants me there, to help rein him in if he gets out of control. If the kid gets drunk, you could maybe make that move we were talking about without worrying if he'll remember it in the morning. People are more honest when they're drunk, then you can at least find out-"

"Are you proposing that I take advantage of him?"

"What!? No! Nothing like that! What I meant was like, you could just mention something to him, you know. I'm not telling you to take him in the back and have your way with him, you old pervert."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes, taking a drink. "You really think I'd do something so foolish, Kisame? You don't know me that well after all."

"Well, I just figured you could at least get something from it. A little peace of mind at least, maybe you could start sleeping again, get yourself put back together. Isn't that what you want?"

The older man didn't reply, seeming to think it over. Kisame smiled, at least he put the idea in his head, and thank god for the alcohol, he was sure it was making things easier.

"At least show up, man. 'Tachi's gonna give him his present. I guess the kids been secretly learning to play, maybe he'll play a song or something. At the very least, you can watch him make an ass of himself."

Still no answer, but he let it rest. The stubborn old man wasn't saying no, which was a good sign.

"Just something to think about, I'm not gonna drag you there. But anyway, let's talk about something else awhile, huh? We sound like a couple of girls..."

"I couldn't agree more..." Kakuzu ground out.

"Cheers." Kisame said happily, holding out his drink. His elder friend stared at hi blandly for a minute before extending his own bottle, clinking it against Kisame's.

Well, that was about the best he could do, as promised. The rest, he supposed, would have to be left to the hands of fate. That didn't stop him from hoping though.


	13. Chapter 13

'Thank God for internet and social networking.' Itachi thought to himself at precisely 6:24 p.m. the following day. He stood still, hands on his hips and shoulders held high as he regarded the people moving casually about the large space in front of him, enjoying for a moment the fruits of his labor.

The Uchiha was never one to be conceited, but damn if he didn't always manage to pull miracles from his ass.

He had yet to go to sleep, but he surprisingly still wasn't feeling the effects of pulling an all-nighter. He was far too giddy for that, and he supposed the insane amount of coffee and energy drinks he'd consumed might have something to do with it as well. But that was all irrelevant. All that mattered now was that everything had come together.

The location of the party had moved to the 4H building on the outskirts of the small town, because the pool hall had already been booked for some other kid's 21st party. This had irritated Itachi beyond belief, because he wanted somewhere with a bar. Now he was not only going to have to pay for a DJ, the rental of the building itself, decorations, and all the other miscellaneous small details, he was going to have to provide the alcohol too.

He considered making it a 'bring your own beer' type of party, but frankly those were tacky, cheap, and most likely would deter the maximum amount of people from coming. No one wanted to bring their own beer to those things because there was always the moochers that showed up without their own that ruined everyone's time.

And besides, it wasn't as if Itachi Uchiha was financially suffering in any way, he could spare the money. It was for Hidan, after all. Maybe it wasn't a sweet sixteen or a 21st, but it's the first birthday his best friend has had since they'd been separated all those years ago that he'd been sober, not in jail or a rehab clinic, and not completely miserable. Little Hidan was finally growing up, and that was something worth celebrating.

Itachi didn't even mind having to call in quite a few of the I-O-U's and favors he'd been building up over the years, mainly because this was the kind of situation they were meant for. It  _had_  been tedious, emailing and calling each person he required help from, reminding them of some time when he'd helped them out of a mess, recalling innocently that they'd promised to make it up to him somehow, and then listing the things he now needed done. Very few of them had needed further convincing. It was as Hidan had said: Everyone still knew the Uchiha name.

But it was worth it, he acknowledged, smiling happily at the scene laid out before him. Various inhabitants of the town spread around the large, bland room, setting up tables, a platform for the DJ, the lighting system, setting up the dance floor. People behind him talked excitedly amongst themselves as they unloaded box after box of alcohol and various forms of minor snacks from the delivery truck outside, set up the makeshift bar, and searched through the kitchen for the dishes required to serve such things to people. Itachi briefly considered changing his career to that of a club owner, as a joke to himself, letting out a small chuckle just before a pair of strong arms slipped around him from behind.

"I really didn't think you could pull this off on such short notice, getting tired of eating my words, you know." Kisame's deep but soothing voice muttered into the top of his head, where the giant's chin now rests.

His dedicated lover had arrived no more than half an hour ago, looking absolutely awful. At first he'd been adamant not to share any details at all about the Doctors visit last night, but after Itachi had pestered him enough (and given him some aspirin and quite a few bottles of water) he'd finally relented, admitting that he and Dr. Hoku had been up long into the night, drinking and reminiscing and catching up. The way Kisame fondly smiled as he regaled the events warmed Itachi's heart, He was always a sucker for romance, yes, but unshakable bonds between two friends could have much the same effect.

Humanity isn't always so bad.

However, he couldn't be too heavily affected, seeing as he disapproved of Kisame's unintentional sabotage of his plan. The Doctor was hardly one to go out drinking night after night, he would undoubtedly be exhausted today. Sure, the party wouldn't actually start until Hidan arrived late this evening, and there was the entire day to recover, but that was besides the point.

He'd been fascinated to learn that Dr. Hoku had come to Kisame at very well the same time Hidan finally seemed to waver in his decision to let things be. Those two men were so very, very much alike, if only he could find some sort of projector to plug directly into his own brain, he could show them from his eyes how ridiculous they were being to play these games with each other. How obvious it was to him (if not everyone else) that they obviously had some sort of destiny-aligned spark between them.

"Everyone has their own way of teaching themselves not to doubt me. Humiliation seems the route you've taken." He replied smartly.

"Who said I was embarrassed? I'm humbled to be repeatedly beat down by you. It's sexy to be dominated by one so small and powerful." He purred, giving his lover a squeeze

"There you go calling me small again..."

"But you're so beautiful when you're riled. I can't help myself." Kisame bent over then, running scarred lips over the perfect porcelain skin of the shorter's neck, pulling down the high collar of his coat as he did so, fingers ghosting across his clavicle.

Itachi closed his eyes, sighing at the shiver that went through him at the action. "Get that out of your system now Kisa, I really do need your eyes tonight."

Yes, something was going to happen tonight, if he had to tie both stubborn men down and pour alcohol down their throats, if he had to lock them in a closet together afterwards for days on end, he was going to make sure of it.

Being relativity short, (though not really, he was an average size, he constantly reminded himself. It was an easy thing to forget when you hung around a giant all the time.) he needed Kisame's height and extra eyes to keep an eye on the two men, as well as all the rest of the party-goers. He'd openly advertised the party via social networking last night after he'd succeeded in convincing the grouchy woman at the courthouse to rent it to him on such short notice, and anyone at all might show up and cause trouble.

Being the creator of this scheme, he was therefore the responsible party if anything went wrong. It was Kisame's job, with his towering height and muscular girth, to help him keep devious patrons in line.

"Mm, I'll be your trusty right-hand man, my liege. Bodyguard, bouncer, and secret lover."

"I never knew you were into role playing." Itachi laughed, twisting around inside the embrace to face his scarred boyfriend, slipping his own arms up around the much taller man's neck. "You realize we're in plain view of all of the common folk right now? You're a terrible assistant. What if they were to see us?"

Kisame let out a husky guttural sound, firmly grasping Itachi ass with both hands. "We can't have that..." He muttered into his ear, lifting the Uchiha up with ease and smothering the slight squeal the younger let out at being forced into a standing-straddle on the man.

Carrying them both, he stepped backward to remove them from the larger room, made his way down the short hallway and slipped into the public bathroom. There wasn't any way to lock the door, so he simply turned around and pinned the smaller man against it, ignoring his protests.

"I wasn't being serious Kisame! I have to supervise-"

"They'll be fine for a few minutes... or hours."

" _Hours!?"_ Itachi repeated incredulously. "What on Earth are you intending to hold me hostage back here for  _hours_  for?"

"You're not a hostage, you can go anytime you wish."

"I wish to go  _now_."

"I don't believe you." Kisame said lowly, lifting his arms and effectively sliding the Uchiha up the door until they were the same height. He brought their lips together then before Itachi had a chance to say anymore, and just like every other time, the raven-hair turned to putty in the man's strong but gentle embrace with a kitten-like moan.

Kisame had been acclimating with unexpected speed and grace to their relationship, often taking the Uchiha completely off guard with his spontaneous passive-aggressive moments of lust such as this one. Though of course Itachi did his best not to seem taken by surprise, it was the case with each pursuance from the giant of a man. Kisame was such a happy-go-lucky man, soft-spoken most often and content to do whatever was suggested and remain neutral the rest of the time. Itachi was a little ashamed to say it but he honestly had never foresaw the man being so tenacious when aroused.

Obviously he would be like any man, wanting to dominate and own his partner, subconsciously or not. But Itachi was admittedly delighted with the entertaining idea that Kisame was so open about what turned him on, and that he didn't mind being the property once in awhile. That was always the fun part about having a same-sex relationship, the roles could so easily be reversed, even though Itachi would unabashedly admit that he was the female role. He didn't mind, honestly. He'd never been one to deny his personality and the things he liked and wanted. He liked  _men_ , men who looked and acted like men, not other feminine males like himself. And to attract men as such, you had to be what they desired.

And obviously it worked, Kisame was wrapped around his finger. Well, theoretically. Right now Itachi was more or less the victim, bending to the will of his lover to engage in the scandal in the public restroom when there were much more important tasks to be adhered to.

It was irritating to him, as much as he secretly loved it. Here he was trying to be respectful of the major lifestyle change his boyfriend went through and take things slowly, and on random occasions like this the oaf had him so hot and bothered that he damn near reverted back centuries to the mental state of a neanderthal, grunting and moaning against the mans touches and caressing until he felt he might just tie the idiot down and force himself on him.

A tongue invaded his mouth, sending his senses into a spiral as the taste of Kisame flooded his system. His own hands reached to cup the mans jawline on either side of his face, slipping up to tangle his fingers in the mans hair and pull him closer still.

Always at the most inopportune times this kind of thing happened. Kisame did nothing to hide the fact that he was always aroused when Itachi involved himself in tasks that made him take on roles of leadership. And as a result of that the man always acted on it that very moment, while the Uchiha was caught up in trying to get things done instead of waiting until later, or for one of their date nights.

Since Hidan's childish warnings to Kisame that night when their relationship began, Itachi had made a habit of going to Kisame's, instead of inviting the man back to his apartment where he would undoubtedly be teased to oblivion. He held no ill-will against his roommate, but it would be nice if once and awhile he could just go find something to do for a few hours. Itachi didn't mind getting out of the house, so much, and Kisa didn't seem to mind at all having someone to share his empty flat and bed with, but it was the principle of the matter. He wanted to show his boyfriend a good time as well, be the entertainer occasionally instead of the guest. But, he refused to ever state these feelings out loud. He couldn't complain anyway, because having things the way they were gave them complete privacy, plenty of time, and fine opportunities for the scarred man to act. But he rarely did. He always stuck to less passionate methods, cuddling, tender but uneventful kisses, always along those lines.

Itachi tried to not let this bother him either, as he was well aware of the fact that the man probably still feared doing anything with him of a sexual nature, and so restrained himself from doing those things to prevent the situation from escalating to anything he would be uncomfortable with.

But Itachi Uchiha was only human, and he could be just as impatient as Hidan when it came to such matters.

This was another perk to having this party. As a side quest, he fully intended on getting his unsuspecting boyfriend drunk, under the assumption that he'd be less wary to venture into more intimate situations between them. It wasn't taking advantage of him, he didn't think. He just wanted the man to loosen up, after all, it had been nearly 4 months now and he'd had yet to even get past first base.

Maybe Itachi was exceedingly feminine, but he was still a man, dammit. He has  _needs_.

Kisame shifted, pushing against the smaller man more and moving the Uchiha's to where he could hold him up with one hand, the other sliding up the edges of his hips, waist, above his shoulders, and finally to his head where he could grip the loose ebony locks. He pulled gently, forcing Itachi's head back and parting their hungry mouths to favor his throat, sucking and nipping at the sensitive skin just below his jawline.

Itachi let out a breathy sigh of approval, letting his own hands slip back down the toned chest of his lover, fingers working quickly to undo the uppermost buttons of the troublesome shirt that kept him from fully appreciating the man's body.

A sharp squeeze to one of his cheeks in time with a bite at his throat made him moan slightly, the mere sound alone eliciting a husky growl from his captor. He was pressed harder against the door, Kisame's lower abs applying wonderful pressure to his thus responding man-hood below.

With his own lust-laced snarl, he tipped his head back down to reunite their mouths, thrusting his own tongue between his lovers parted lips.

Kisame grunted, waging war between the oral muscles for a few lasting minutes, absently moving his lower torso in a rhythm against the smaller mans groin.

The younger finally succeeded in undoing all the mans buttons, pushing the fabric aside after prying the material from between them, giving him a stunning view of Kisame's generously muscled upper body. He let his fingers trace down his chest, between the pectorals and over the rugged abdominals, savoring every hill and valley before breaking the kiss to get an appropriate view. He ran his fingers gently over the deep scars that spider webbed out from the man's right side, and Kisame leaned his forehead against Itachi's, breathing heavily.

"You're beautiful too, you know." He whispered to the older man, sliding his hand along the marred flesh up to his collarbone. He leaned forward somewhat awkwardly, though the other paid no mind, and left a trail of short and sweet kisses along a particularly thick scar that creeped up the side of Kisame's neck. When that came to an end, he reached up to grab the older mans chin and turn his head slightly, kissing the three concentric triangular scars on his cheekbone.

"Everything pales in comparison to you, my Angel."

Itachi smiled an huffed out a laugh. The man was so unreasonably ashamed of his scars. The only thing he wasn't confident about, though he didn't shy away.

The Uchiha personally thought them fascinating. To survive a vicious attack from an angry, protective shark, the kings of the ocean, it was no small feat. The long-healed wounds were brag-worthy in his eyes, only adding the the man's sex-appeal. To receive such terrible injuries and come out of it holding no grudges or fear against nature, to only have his love of the ocean and all it's endless inhabitant increased by such a traumatic accident... well, there were no words to express Itachi's adoration. Kisame was the epitome of strength, not only in his actions, and physical appeal, but in the 'gentle giant' persona he so happily embraced. His kind heart made Itachi's own quake with affection.

He was surely more than a mere human.

A jiggle of the knob and following knock on the bathroom door interrupted the moment.

"Mister Uchiha, you in there?" A female voice said from the other side of the door. Itachi recognized it as Temari, a sibling of his lawyer who'd come along with Mister Subaku to give her aid. She also happened to be dating one of his fellow psycologists, the very man who attended Hidan in his therapy sessions. The knob jiggled a few more times, and Itachi rolled his eyes. Such a firecracker, that girl was. They'd have to keep an eye on her when this party actually got up and running.

"I am." He answered back, giving Kisame an apologetic smile when the man pouted, moving away and returning Itachi to his feet at the interruption.

"There's a couple guys asking for you, a Yahiko and Nagato? 'Said they're old friends of yours."

His face broke into a large grin now, his excitement successfully taming the previous arousal he'd been victim to.

"They made it! Wonderful! I'll be out in a moment!" He said, ignoring the child-like scowl Kisame held as he worked to re-button his shirt.

"These aren't ex's of yours, are they?" He asked, somewhat warily. Itachi couldn't stop the laughter that burst from him at such a ridiculous notion. The men had wives and children, after all.

"No, no. Absolutely not. You should know better Kisa. I don't pal around with ex's, maybe some people like to remain friends after having sex, but personally I think it just clutters things. They're ex's for a reason, why stay friends?" He explained for the hundredth time. A 'gentle giant' Kisame may be, but he'd informed Itachi sternly that he had no problem breaking a few skulls if he ever had to fight for the younger man's love. Turns out the big guy has a little green devil on his shoulder when it comes to matters of the heart, who would have thought?

"Nagato and Yahiko made up the other half of Hidan and I's social circle in High school! He's going to be so happy, Kisame, he might just start hitting people." Itachi said eagerly, nearly bouncing in place as he waited for his lover to finish re-dressing himself.

"Did you just say he'll be so happy, he'll attack people?"

"Yes." Itachi said, laughing at the look of confusion he received and waving it off. "Oh don't give me that. It's Hidan, he doesn't make sense, remember?"

Finally the taller man finished re-buttoning his shirt after a chuckle of agreement, and Itachi nearly bolted out the door, Kisame following much more slowly, chuckling to himself. Itachi plus energy drinks, minus sleep, times a reunion of two old friends, equals what?

Damn good entertainment. That's what.

 

.

 

"You actually made it!" Itachi shouted, jogging up to the two men and throwing himself at them. They caught him and held his weight between them, laughing.

"Hell yeah we made it!" Yahiko stated, still the same as Itachi remembered, though the man had grown significantly. They both had, he noted. The four of them had all been relativity the same height, now the brothers were half a foot taller than him, though still lean and somewhat lanky as they'd been as teenagers.

"We do have our own plane, Itachi." Nagato said as the Uchiha reigned himself in. Always the more reserved of the two, Nagato was. Both boys were what society these days referred to as 'Ginger', with the red hair and freckles, Yahiko's being a bright, flaming orange, wiry and unruly, and Nagato's perfectly straight and sleek in a dark red. Being Identical twins, the differences in their hair really was the only way to tell them apart, Aside from Nagato having a slightly narrower jawline, and a sharper nose.

"That's right isn't it? We lost touch so long ago, I'd forgotten how well you two did for yourselves."

"Heh, yeah, it's not easy owning your own corporation." Yahiko said sheepishly, shrugging.

"We had to pull quite a few strings just to be able to come tonight." Nagato explained. "We'll have to be leaving around midnight, but we've the entire day aside from that."

"Karina and Konan stayed behind to keep an eye on things and watch the kids. This is pretty much like a mini-vacation for us."

"You mean I don't get to meet them?" Itachi said, sticking his lower lip out. "Pity, I wanted to see for myself these poor woman who have to put up with you on a daily basis. But oh well, I guess that means you'll just have to come visit again sometime."

"Oh yes. The ten-year reunion is coming up fast, you know. We fully plan on attending."

"Show those dumb asses that picked on us how rich and successful we are, despite not having souls."

"And our sexy ladies too." Nagato said seriously, giving Itachi an entertained look that had him unable to hold in his laughter, feeding it with his excitement and nostalgia.

Again he wrapped his arms around their necks, drawing them in close. "You haven't changed at all! I can't believe it! How do your employees take you seriously?"

The two broke free from the embrace, each wearing their own reminiscent smiles.

"Duh, 'Tachi. We're killer actors, don'tcha know?"

"They don't see us being casual. Have to keep us appearances and all that."

"You haven't changed so much yourself. Look at you, were you always this small?" Yahiko laughed, ruffling his hair. Itachi scowled and slapped the hand away before a light chuckle behind him reminded him of his poor boyfriend, probably standing there awkwardly this whole time.

"I'm not  _small_. Why does everyone call me small?" He said, halfway to himself as he turned to grab Kisame's hand and pull him to stand beside him. "Kisame, This is Yahiko and Nagato Ame. Gentlemen, this is Kisame Hoshigaki. My partner."

"Holy crap, you're big." Yahiko said, eliciting an eye-roll from his brother, who extended his hand.

"It's wonderful to meet you."

Kisame reached out to shake, smiling in his usual friendly manner, to Itachi's approval. Right, Kisa was a people person, he'd somewhat forgotten.

He smiled as his lover and Yahiko exchanged fists bumps, ignoring the 'small' and 'big' comments. He was far too pleased anyway. To think these two actually took time out of their horrendously busy day to make a quick trip down here, well, he was flattered.

"Back at'cha. Can't tell you how many stories I've heard about the infamous Ame brothers. It's like meeting a celebrity."

"Oh don't let them fool you with their elegant business suits. These two are hellians." Itachi said, waving.

"Hey, you and Hidan caused just as much trouble as we did, if not more." Yahiko laughed. "Tell me Kisame, Does Itachi still mind-fuck every person he comes across?"

"Oh I beg to differ, I talked Hida out of millions of terrible ideas. You two were too dense to listen to me." He interrupted before his lover could answer, blushing slightly at the last bit. "And I do not  _mind-fuck,_  thank you."

"You're still terrible at swearing too." The lighter-haired of the two observed.

"Where is Hidan, by the way?" Nagato interrupted, scanning the room. "How has he been doing? We thought he was in prison there for the longest time."

"Not here yet. The party is a surprise for him. And he's never been to prison, the court always ruled him in favor of insanity, he's been to plenty of mental institutions and drug rehabs though. He's come out no worse for wear, however, aside from a loss of his sense of self, so to say. He's been doing wonderfully since he's been staying with me."

"Ah, I wouldn't expect any less from that psycho." Yahiko said, giving a somber kind of smile. "Or you, 'Tachi. You were always the only one who could manage him. You remember when he accidentally shot that cardinal when the three of us were out by the tracks?"

"You were sick that day. Hidan was inconsolable. We had to end up bringing him to your house."

"You helped him nurse the bird, even though you had bronchitis and could barely talk."

"Then  _he_  was sick for the next two weeks. The idiot."

"You can't help but love him though..."

Itachi smiled, the two were even still finishing each other sentences, though not in a literal term. It was ridiculous to him really, how so much time could pass, one could feel like they've changed so much, but when met with reminders, the innermost nature of one's personality comes bursting back into the open. "That's very true. He just has that power over people... you love him or you hate him, one extreme or the other. That's Hidan. Hasn't changed one bit."

 

.

 

With the arrival of the twins, the rest of the day went exceedingly fast. It was around 7 when Itachi stood back, scanning everything, and finally proclaimed that everything seemed to be in order. They'd gotten done ahead of schedule, and the DJ had arrived a mere ten minutes before that, now setting up his equipment to one side on the makeshift stage that had been constructed of pallets and area rugs; the best they could do on such short notice.

Sometime during the midst of it, A woman with bright pink hair braided into pigtails and a beanie with a rainbow Mohawk of yarn had wondered through the door with a curvy ashey-brunette beside her. She'd looked absolutely lost, until Temari, ever the busy-body, approached her and asked who she was looking for. She was then guided with her blonde escort over to where Itachi was arranging all the bottles of liquor on a shelf they'd made of wide wooden planks and cinder blocks behind the makeshift bar (Just a few tall folding tables covered in a giant white sheet.) into an almost professional-looking display.

"Hey Itachi, You got more guests." Temari called to him, then quickly excused herself to go re-locate Dr. Nara, Who was here simply for a show of support to his client. He was too smart to ever let himself owe the Uchiha a favor.

Itachi whirled around, eyes landing on the rather short girl, giving her a warm and excited smile.

"Holy fucking  _fuck."_  She said, eyes popping open wide and mouth dropping open before he had the chance to say anything.

"Oh my  _god."_  Her blonde counterpart said, doing much the same.

Itachi regarded them both in surprised silence for a moment before stepping forward. "Tayuya? I apologize, I never did find out your last name. Thank you for coming, I know it will mean so much to Hidan." He smiled, but it faded after a few moments of both girls simply staring at him, mouths agape.

He cleared his throat, "I'm Itachi Uchiha... Hidan's roommate?"

"Uh, yeah, I fucking figured that much." Tayuya said, blinking herself from the stupefied condition. "Are you sure you're a boy?"

Itachi blinked in surprise and slight offense. "Yes, I'm sure."

"Well that fucking sucks. How come that shithead never told me how gorgeous you are?! I'm gonna kick his ass!" She declared loudly.

"Well, I appreciate the compliment. You're very pretty yourself."

"Meh, unfortunately for the moment, I don't do dudes anymore. Though I might make an exception for you." She said, cocking her hip and looking him up and down.

Itachi suddenly wished very dearly for Kisame's presence. He again cleared his throat, trying to push away his discomfort. He'd been fully aware that the woman was like a female clone of Hidan, if not even more vulgar. But he hadn't predicted being hit on so blatantly by her, especially not with the woman he assumed to be her partner standing right there beside her, practically screwing him with her sea foam eyes. "I'm afraid I'm taken. But I'm flattered. Is this your...?" He let the sentence trail off, gesturing to the girl behind her.

"Girlfriend? Fuck no. Kat didn't wanna come cause Hidan kept calling her a hooker." She explained, shrugging casually. "This is Ni. A friend of a friend of a friend. Only fucking person dumb enough to drive throughout the night without getting paid all for the promise of free alcohol and drunk, horny men. "

He smiled and nodded to the woman, who didn't even seem to acknowledge the insult she'd just received. "Thank you for bringing Tayuya here. I'm very grateful."

"Mm, honey I can think of the perfect way for you to repay me." The girl said seductively, licking her lips.

Tayuya rolled her eyes and spun around, slapping the girl on the upper arm. "You dumb cunt, He just fucking said he was taken. And he doesn't fucking like chicks, go be a slut somewhere else."

Again the woman seemed completely unaffected by the harsh words which had Itachi wide-eyed now. She only shrugged slightly, gave him one last lingering look, and stalked away. The Pinkette again gave an eye roll, turning to face Itachi again. "I really fucking hate her, but it was the only way I could fucking make it. So where's that albino fuck!? I'm gonna glomp the shit outta him, haven't seen him in person for years!"

Itachi raised a brow.  _Glomp?_  "I was just finishing up here and I was going to go get him. Can I get you anything while I'm right here?"

She waved him away. "Nah, I can get it myself in a sec. Hey, you said you've been listening to our fucking conversations right?"

Itachi nodded.

"So you probably figured out that I'm trying to teach him guitar?"

Again he nodded.

"Thank fucking God. Can you do me a favor and just fucking tell him that you know so his stupid ass with stop being fucking stupid and go get a goddamn guitar already? There's really nothing more I can teach him unless he has one, and I kind of really need to keep some kind of fucking income."

Itachi chuckled lightly, coming around the side of the tables. "I've gone a step farther even. That's what his present is."

"A guitar!?"

"Yes."

Tayuya laughed heartily and gave Itachi a playful punch on the shoulder, which he flinched and recoiled from slightly. "You two are some fucking cute! Why the hell aren't you a couple?"

The raven-hair resisted the grimace at the notion. "We've been best friends since high school. At this point he's more like a brother to me. That would be... just wrong..." He said, crinkling his nose at the last.

Tayuya only laughed more. "Yeah, I can get that. I thought he was a sexy motherfucker when I first met him, then we fucking got to be friends. I don't really look at him like that anymore. Well... sometimes. But not usually. I don't do dudes anymore though, like I fucking said. Way too much goddamn trouble."

"Hn. I feel much the same about women." Itachi chuckled.

"Right? If everyone were quire the world would be such a happy place."

"Well I don't know about that..."

"Ahh, I'm just fucking with ya. You gonna go get him or what?"

Itachi nodded, began to walk away, and then stopped. Turning slowly around. "Tayuya?"

The woman was already behind the bar, scanning the bottles. She grunted to signal that she heard.

"Has Hidan mentioned anything to you about liking someone?"

She snapped back to attention at this. "He likes someone!? Ohmygodtellmewho!"

Itachi took a surprised step back when she practically flung herslef onto the table between them. He remained silent for all of six heartbeats, mulling over whether it would be indecent of him to tell her when Hidan has decided not to clue her in. He decided quickly that it probably would be, and shrugged.

"I don't know. I've just noticed some strange behavior. He doesn't tell me everything anymore, so I thought to ask you." Not really a lie, just a stretching of the truth put in an untruthful context.

"Tch. Nah. I don't think he's capable of something like that, us headcases have trouble with that sort of thing, y'know? Can't love someone else when we don't even love ourselves. All that psycho-babble bullshit." She said, waving him off and returning to her previous mission.

He considered this for a moment, bothered by the fact that she seemed to so easily believe such a farse. Many of his fellow therapists said much the same thing to their patients, but it had never been an idea he embraced. Loving yourself was important, but there was also the saying that you are your own worst enemy. Sometimes it took the love of another person, and loving them back, to make one realized that they did, in fact, value their own existence.

He wondered briefly if that was what made Hidan so hesitant to act on his strong feelings for Kakuzu. Did he believe that too? Was he afraid that he was incapable of such a thing?

It would make sense, he was afraid of feeling the highs because of the lows that would surely follow. He didn't want to risk letting himself feel so good for the fear of having it turn out to be just another letdown.

His brows furrowed in determination. Now, more than ever, he had to make this plan work.

 

.

 

It was at this time that itachi announced that they could all help themselves to the bar, and that he was going to go retrieve the guest of honor. He grabbed Hidan's present, which Kisame had brought with him, and set it just inside the door so he could grab it after they arrived. Tayuya spotted it, inquired about it, did a little bit of gushing before returning to socializing with Yahiko, who'd approached her after noticing them having their conversation. Finally he pulled Kisame to the side, and out into the hall.

"You think he'll come?" He asked in a hushed whisper, despite them being well out of hearing range to any prying ears.

Kisame shrugged. "Like I told you, it's anyone's guess. I'm hopeful though. I brought it up two or three times last night, he never outright said no. Didn't say yes either, but I'm thinking he'll probably make an appearance."

"Dammit, I wish you could give me details of what he said..." Itachi whined. The Doctor  _had_  to show up, he simply had to. Even if nothing at all happened between them, even if his plans didn't turn out how he'd hoped, even if he was somehow miraculously wrong despite his assumptions that Kakuzu had admitted to Kisame that he liked Hidan, he had to come, at least make an appearance. The party simply wouldn't be complete without him.

"Sorry babe. I really wish I could too, But I promised. I feel bad enough just telling you what I already have."

"I know I know. It's not your fault. I think it's noble of you, really. I just hope he comes, I very well might have to kick his ass if not."

Kisame snorted, putting an arm around Itachi's shoulder and guiding him to the front door. "Itachi, baby, I would give my soul to see that. But if he hurt you, I'd have to kill him... probably die trying. And that wouldn't be so good, seeing as I just sold my soul."

"Are you saying I couldn't hold my own against Dr. Hoku?"

"Well. I mean, if he can kick  _my_  ass..."

"Right, I keep forgetting how  _small_  I am."

Kisame laughed, sneaking a quick kiss before gently shoving the man out the door he courteously held open for his lover. "Just go get the kid eh? Won't matter if Kakuzu shows up or not if  _he's_  not here. Everyone's waiting on him anyway. And he's probably destroyed the house waiting for you."

"Right, He's so impatient. He'll undoubtedly berate me for leaving him there alone all day. I told him one of my clients called with an S.O.S. And Yahiko and Nagato have to leave by Midnight as well... That will come all too fast..."

"You're stalling, babe."

Itachi rolled his eyes, flipping his hair dramatically before he whirled and hurried out into the parking lot, nearly skipping in his excitement. Ah, the rewards of being a good friend. They outweighed the pains, unequivocally.

* * *

 

Hidan lay draped across the love seat once more, staring in boredom up at the ceiling as he watched a fly inch it's way from one end of the room to the other.

Itachi had been gone  _all. fucking. day._

Tayuya refused to give any sort of lesson today, saying she was taking a weekend off or some stupid bullshit. The dumb whore.

He'd tried studying some more of the sheet music collection he had now, stashed away in his sock drawer, but he was bored with it. He'd already memorized most of the damn things anyway, and the prospect of adding yet another song to his 'To master whenever the fuck I get a guitar' list wasn't all that glamorous to him.

So he'd tried watching T.V. Nothing of interest was on. So he'd taken a shower even though he just took one last night, and shaved, even though he didn't really need it. He'd even gone through all his clothes, picking out his outfit almost as if he were a woman about to embark on her first date. After looking at himself in the mirror and having a brief argument with his reflection, he'd stripped down again and simply slipped on a pair of faded jeans with large holes in the knees and a basic black V-neck tee-shirt, completing the look with his worn old boots.

After that, he couldn't think of a single thing to do to pass the time. He'd actually resorted to hopping on his laptop and watching music videos, which had at least helped an hour pass by before he got bored with it.

He'd been so excited when Itachi had finally told him they could go out tonight, doing anything else at all just seemed like a huge bore.

"C'mon Uchiha..." He mumbled under his breath.

Five o'clock, he'd told himself. Surely Itachi would be back by five, that was normally considered late enough in the day to start drinking, and Hidan San didn't want to waste one second with sobriety today. Kakuzu had been infesting his mind even more relentlessly than usual since he'd had that talk with Itachi.

He'd had the hope yesterday that talking to the Uchiha would help him figure things out, clear his head a little. But damn it all, he should have known it would only make things worse. At least before he had been reasonably sure the bastard had no interest in him what-so-ever. But as he explained more and more scenarios that happened between them, the small little details he paid no mind to but at the same time obsessed over, the more his roommate had assured him that he thought there was a distinct possibility that Kakuzu might harbor the same feelings.

 

_"The fact that he's sending out the mixed signals alone is a giant red flag, Hidan. If he didn't like you then he wouldn't bother being decent even half the time."_

_"Well how the fuck do you explain him giving me more and more and more fucking duties every goddamn day!? He's trying to make me fuck up! I mean, I literally do every single random little task that pops into his head, lit-er-uh-lee. Every single one. He seriously had me take out the trash in his office once."_

_"Well maybe he's giving you more responsibility because he trusts you, he knows you'll get it done. Take it as a compliment. I mean if he blatantly states that he'll never let you do something, then turns aorund and lets you do it, he has to have some sort of trust in you. That's not a bad thing anyway, think of it this way; How can he insult your intelligence when you keep showing him up?"_

_"Yeah I guess... He's been looking kind of shitty lately too. I mean he still acts the same, but his eyes are all sunken in and unfocused. Looks like he's fucking stoned all the time... Hey wait! Maybe that's what's wrong with him!? He's secretly a fucking drug addict and he's too goddamn fucked up to do everything so he fucking makes me do it!"_

_"Hidan... I highly doubt that that's the case. Maybe he's sick."_

_"He doesn't act sick. Like I said, he acts the same as always, he just looks like a fucking zombie."_

_"Regardless, I'm standing by what I said earlier. the reason he keeps going back and forth from nice to angry is because you keep reacting so badley."_

_"What? It's not my fucking fault he does weird shit randomly for no fucking reason."_

_"Well you can't keep acting as if you don't appreciate his kindness and then get mad at him when he doesn't show it. You're giving him mixed signals too!"_

_"I don't know why you're sitting talking as if I'm intentionally fucking doing this shit. I'm not gonna go flirt with him!"_

_"I'm not saying that, how about next time he does something nice, instead of insulting him because you're embarrassed,_ _**thank him.** _ _And see what comes of it. The way you're going now, it's almost as if you're both in a game of chess but neither of your are willing to jump any pieces. Nothing is going to get accomplished."_

 _"I already told you, Uchiha, I don't_ _**want** _ _to accomplish anything. I just want it to fucking go away. Tired of seeing his ugly mug in my head all the time."_

_"First of all, Hida. You know he's not ugly, quit lying to yourself. Second, if you didn't want to accomplish anything you wouldn't have come to me for advice. If you didn't want anything to happen you would be fine with things continuing the way they are. Obviously, you are not. you need to stop arguing with yourself, and come to a conclusion. You either want him or you don't. I love you, Hida, but this isn't high school, and he's far past bothering with games."_

_"Tch, fuck you. I don't play games."_

_"You're human, Hidan. You play games."_

 

He hated it. He hated it but he liked it at the same time. He liked the hope, the idea, he liked hearing that maybe, just maybe, this bat shit crazy infatuation might result in something. But at the same time he resented it with a burning passion.

 _It wasn't possible, it just wasn't_ , the very small (most normally ignored,) rational side of him chided. It's just unrealistic, things like this just didn't happen. He didn't like the hope, it was just going to be crushed in the end anyway, like everything was.

Itachi was just reading too much into it, he was so hopeful himself that he was taking things out of proportion. He appreciated the fact, he was grateful to the man for being so supportive, but...

Well, he just wanted to get his mind off it for a night. Go to a bar, have a good time. Shit, maybe even bring home some drunk chick to distract him. Maybe that was all he needed, a good fuck.

He made a face at how revolting the idea seemed to him, trying to mentally beat the shit out of his brain. He didn't want some random girl, dammit.

He wanted Kakuzu.

_No, no you do not._

YES! GODDAMIT! I DO!

Damn it all.

 

 

He glanced over at the clock, just after seven, it read.

Fuck it. The alcohol would clear things up. His emotions were easier to read when he was blitzed, so he'd just wait until he was fucked to think about it again. Surely he'd be able to come to a decision then, and either put this mess behind him or fucking be a man and do something about it.

"Goddammit Itachi, hurry the fuck up!" He shouted, pushing himself into a sitting position on the couch. This wasn't fair! That Uchiha was wasting his time, he could have walked to the bar by now and already be drunk instead of sitting here obsessing over his boss and his afflicting emotions on the matter. In fact, if that Uchiha didn't get here within the next five minutes, that's what he would do! Ditch his ass and go out and take matters into his own hands. He was a grown-ass man after all, he didn't need his roommate babysitting him.

He pushed himself off the couch, storming over to the window and peeking through the blinds into the cloudy late-afternoon. It looked kind of cold, which meant it would be even colder by tonight. Damn, he didn't want to have to navigate home while drunk off his ass in cold weather...

He swore, whirling around and beginning to pace, growing angrier by the second.  _Five minutes,_ he told himself.  _Five more minutes and I'm outta this shit hole. Itachi or not Itachi._

Five minutes came and went, and he went to the window again, letting out a shrill when he saw the silver car of his roommate pull into the driveway at that very moment.

"OH THANK YOU JESUS!"

Quickly, he vaulted over the couch, snatched up his coat, flipped off the lights, wrenched open the door and slammed it behind him, then sprinting down the stairs. Itachi was just getting out of the car when he came running out to him.

"Jesus fucking Christ I thought I was gonna be an old fucking man by the time you got here!" He half-shouted, hurrying to get himself seated in the car.

His roommate was surprised for only a second before re-entering the vehicle, putting his seat belt back on. "I apologize Hidan, if it's any consolation, I'm even done sooner than I anticipated."

"Thank God, I was about to leave your ass and walk to the bar. Seriously." Hidan said, glaring. "Get me all excited and fucking keep me waiting, you goddamn sadist! Fuck your clients, fucking needy bastards. What are you doing just sitting there!? Hurry up, let's go!" He said, waving his hands almost frantically.

"Calm down Hida, we have all night."

"That's not long enough! Quit wasting time! C'moooon!" He said, reaching over and forcing the shifter into reverse, ignoring Itachi's protests.

"Where are we going? Go somewhere that accepts Debit cards, somewhere with a tab. I called the bank, they said I still have 124.65$ in my account. Not for long though."

"Hidan, surely you're not going to spend that much."

"Fuck yes I am! I'm getting plastered! I earned it anyway, I never spend my money on myself."

"Just don't make me carry you home, you know I can't."

"Hey I'm not some light-weight little bitch. This is my specialty, I can handle myself. Hey where are you going? All the bars are that way."

"We're going to a party. I don't want you wasting all your money on over-priced, cheap beer."

"A party? Who's party?"

"Just a dear friend of mine's."

"Who?"

"You'll see when we get there Hidan, calm down."

"Tch, I don't fucking care anyway, as long as there's booze." He finally said, leaning back and crossing his arms across his chest. "Gotta get that fucker out of my head..." He mumbled afterward, causing a curious glance from Itachi.

"You mean Dr. Hoku?"

"Who the fuck else would I mean?"

"Is that why you're so keen to destroy your brain cells?"

"Well not  _just_  that. You know I love me some alcohol. I'm ready to have a good time, being responsible fucking sucks."

Itachi laughed, making a right at the sign signalling the approach of the fairgrounds, where the 4H building was stationed.

"The party's out here?" Hidan questioned, making a face. "You better not be dragging me to some intervention, 'Tachi. Seriously. I'll hurt you."

The slightly younger man laughed. "I swear to you, Hidan San, it's a party. Why would there be an intervention? You've been sober for months."

"Well I don't know! That's the only shit I've ever been to at places like this."

"I assure you, you've nothing to fear." He said, coming to park beside a big white Cadillac. Hidan wasted no time in launching himself from the vehicle, jogging in place as Itachi followed, deliberately slowly, with a teasing grin on his face.

"Oh my fucking God Uchiha! I'm gonna throw you over my shoulder and carry you in there if you don't move your ass."

"Don't be childish."

"Well C'mon! Shit's gonna go down if I don't have a goddamn shot of Jager* in the next ten seconds!"

Itachi finally did speed up now, and the two went inside, Hidan navigated the hall, already hearing the thundering bass from inside, and seeing the multicolored, flashing lights shining into the dark hall. He grinned, growing more and more excited by the minute. Fuck yes, someone really knows how to throw a goddamn party!

He was about to run through the doorway when suddenly he felt soft hands that he knew were Itachi's suddenly close over his eyes.

He attempted to squirm out of them, "What the fuck are you doing you weird ass!" He shouted as the Uchiha managed to keep him blinded, pushing him forward through the door. The music stopped suddenly, and he could see the lights flash back on in the previously dark room through the cracks in the slender fingers.

_What the fuck...?_

He heard what sounded like a horde of people all shushing each other, and suddenly his chest clenched as it finally clicked into place.

_"Who's party?"_

_"Just a dear friend of mine's."_

"Oh shit, are you serious?" He moaned, he heard Itachi laugh, and couldn't wipe the huge smile from his face despite the anxiety sweeping over him against his will.  _Uchiha, you devious motherfucker..._

"Happy Early birthday Hida." Itachi said quietly, removing his hands.


	14. Chapter 14

He blinked at the room, filled with familiar and unfamiliar faces alike, all of them absolutely beaming at him. Thoughts wouldn't seem to process completely in his head as he scanned the faces, then the room, his face utterly expressionless of the confusion and utter shock of the moment.

This place looked like some sort of illegal, underground nightclub. That was the only thing he could think, looking around at the large, open room. This must have cost a fucking fortune, was the other thought that flit briefly through him before he did finally feel his emotions leak into his features.

He realized for a second that his mouth was hanging open, and moved to shut it, only for it to fall open again at he attempted to say something without thinking of anything to actually say. What was there to say to this? He still could only partially understand. He'd gathered that his friend had thrown him some kind of surprise party, but this had certainly not been what he was expecting. Maybe a few close friends, even though he didn't really have any... Maybe a few bottles of hard liquor. But this... There were so many people, there was a sound system, all kinds of spotlights and other fixtures, even a neat line of tape in front of a slightly raised area that he assumed was some sort of stage that marked the dance floor.

His gawking drifted around the room, seeing the expansive bar-esque area, complete with bar stools and everything, the large array of junk food scattered on another table to the side of that. This was... this was just too much.

"YOU ALBINO FUCKER!" A familiar voice shouted, and he jerked in the direction of it before a pink blur slammed into him and suddenly he was on the floor, being squeezed to death in a vice-grip disguised as a woman.

"Happy fucking birthday, cocksucker!" Tayuya said loudly, sitting up with her hands on his shoulders, straddling him.

He blinked in confusion a couple times, still unable to process logical thoughts. Tayuya's face twisted in anger, and she smacked him on the side of the head.

"HEY! Are you dead!? Wake up and tell me you're happy to see me! I went through a lot of bullshit to get here!"

"What...what is all this?" He finally forced out as the pinkette removed herself from him and helped him back up to his feet.

So many people... This was what struck him the most. The immense crowd. It sent his heart-racing in a slight anxiety fit. All these people staring at him, expectantly, disappointed, uncaring, bored, hundreds of different expressions for each different face.

He caught the eyes of his therapist, who nodded to him with a slight smile. The redheaded man Itachi occasionally had lunch with, his lawyer, he recalled. A few strangers he'd seen briefly around town, knowing him only through Itachi. Here and there he recognized some of the younger patients of his boss...

"It's a birthday party, dumbshit. Your roommate set everything up. Speaking of which, " She promptly retracted her hand, slamming her fist into his shoulder with all her might. Hidan stumbled from it, his brain finally whirring back to life.

"Ow! What the fuck you dumb whore!?" He snarled, not unaware of all the eyes on him, but calming significantly despite it.

"That's for not telling me you have a fucking goddess for a roommate!"

Hidan twisted to look at Itachi after giving the pinkette a disbelieving look, who fidgeted and blushed before clearing his throat, stepping forward from the Shark-dick, who'd mysteriously appeared behind him, and was giving Tayuya a look that contained some mixture of amusement and wariness.

"I thought you deserved it." The Uchiha stated simply, ignoring the girls comment.

Confusion flicked through his head as to why and how Tayuya could possibly be here, unless Itachi had somehow contacted her. But his train of thought was send rocketing far off track at the voice that spoke next.

"Holy shit, look at that." Someone said behind him, and he whirled again, going slack-jawed once more at the two men who were now in front of him. He'd miraculously not picked them out in the crowd, they must have been hiding, as he would have recognized that ungodly head of flames anywhere.

"Hasn't changed a bit."

"No kidding! Exactly the same! Every last detail!"

"Hello Hidan, You've no idea how good it is to see you."

No way... It looked like his old high school friends, or older versions of them at least, sounded like them... But.. no way.

"Holy fucking Jesus..." He mumbled, before he was suddenly locked in a double embrace by the two.

"Sounds exactly the same too!" Yahiko laughed happily, eyes shimmering.

"You could still give a nun a heart-attack." Nagato agreed, a content smile on his features.

"Not before you steal her soul..." He muttered back, a grin slowly spreading across his face. "Oh my god. Oh my GOD!" He said, breaking into a hysterical laugh and bringing his hands up to clutch at either side of his head.

It was sinking in now, feeling as if it had taken hours though really it couldn't have been more than a mere minute. This was a party, an early birthday party, a party for him. All these people were here for  _him._  But fuck all the rest of the people, right here in front of him were two near and dear friends he'd never thought he'd see again. And Tayuya too! They'd been inseparable at the mental institution they'd been locked away in, but after that, even during their 'cam dates' - As she liked to call them- he'd never really felt the full-on sense of friendship. Even if he could see her face, it wasn't the same as hanging out in person. But here she was, here they were, here everyone was, gathered around and still staring at him, waiting for him to do something.

"Holy shit! Fuck! This is-! Damn! 'Tachi!" He said, whirling and darting to his roommate, something inside him exploding with un-containable excitement and happiness. He wrapped his arms around his best friend, swinging him in a circle as laughter rang throughout the group. "You fucking bastard! Holy shit! I can't believe you fucking did this!" He finally set the struggling Uchiha down, turning to regard the group again in wonder.

"Now  _that's_  the reaction we were waiting for." Tayuya laughed. "Crazy son of a bitch."

"Holy Fuck Tayuya! And you two! Are you fucking serious right now!? " He said, turning again to the Uchiha. "Did you hit me over the fucking head? Am I dead?"

"Tch, if this is your heaven then I feel fucking sorry for you." The pinkette said, cocking her hip and crossing her arms, smiling despite.

"Happy birthday Kid." Kisame said, starting a rippling echo. Hidan turned to look at Kisame, who he didn't know all that well in actuality, but couldn't help the beaming smile he gave him.

 

.

 

Hidan was lost in a crowd of people soon after, though only half the population of the building came forward to say anything to him. Tayuya stood beside him for a short time, but eventually gave him another playful punch, mentioning something about his birthday again and getting drunk before disappearing. He couldn't pay too awful much attention to her, as it was divided in so many interesting and still disbelieving directions.

At Itachi's signal, the lights flipped back off, and the music started up again, drowning out all the voices and congratulations coming at him from every angle. The ginger boys approached him, Yahiko put him in a headlock while Nagato mussed up his hair, to which he flailed terribly to. They said something, speaking in their creepy way back and forth while Hidan held his hands to his ears in a desperate attempt to hear them. Finally giving up the fight over trying to out-scream the music, Yahiko motions over to the bar, Hidan assumed, before they too were swallowed by the crowd. The rest of the people who bothered trying to personally wish him a happy birthday just settled for giving him a quick pat on the shoulder before heading out to the dance floor or going to the small bar area to get a drink.

He was dazed, still too bewildered by all of this to thoroughly process much of it aside from the basic facts that he'd figured out.

A party for him... This big huge party... All these people. He didn't even know most of them, but they apparently knew him, or were pretending like they did. He didn't mind so much, even though it irked him a little. No one in this town gives him the light of day for all the months he'd been here, now they're suddenly his friend, as if he wasn't aware of all the nasty rumors and gossip that had been going around about he and his roommate. He pushed the small spark of anger aside though, fearing he might freak out and have a fit of unreasonable rage due to the extreme emotions he was being flung through.

He couldn't... he couldn't even think. He could only realize that his chest hurt terribly, but in a good sort of way, a way that kept him grinning even when his cheeks begged for him to stop, even when party-goers smiled cheerfully at him even though he vaguely recognized a few of them as people who had given him only dirty looks in the past.

He wandered somewhat aimlessly trying to comprehend even though he only grew more and more confused as the minutes passed. He pushed his way through the crowd, starting to be affected by the small bit of resentment blooming within him at all the people he didn't know trying to communicate with him. He didn't care about them, he didn't care that they came, he didn't feel as if he owed them any sort of kindness, and he didn't want to waste his time associating with them, not when his  _real_  friends were lurking somewhere in this mass of bodies.

At one point he managed to spot the alcohol, and instinctive moved toward it, with patrons shouting unintelligible things at him, giving him pats on the shoulders, high-fives, and even the occasional slap on the ass. He swiped at them and growled, but it didn't do any good, most of them reeked of alcohol already, and he could only imagine how long some of them had been here, already having consumed enough alcohol to poison them. One dumb blondish/brunette bitch he passed was even being supported on her feet, unable to stand on her own, by a few men with dark intentions in their eyes. He could only scoff, reminding himself that he fucking hated humanity.

By the time he reached the bar he had to actually lean over the table to steady himself, and he realized he was shaking terribly, but again, not so much in a bad way. He was irritated, somehow, but it was distant, resulting only from his continued lack of understanding of this situation. This all couldn't possibly be just for him. Who would go to so much trouble for some worthless nobody like him? Itachi was surely out of his fucking mind...

"Holy shit..." He re-iterated, unable to even hear himself over the music as he scanned the room. He thought for a second he briefly saw a flash of pink, but in the time span it took for him to blink the crowd shifted and it was lost. He reveled again in the fact that his insane friend was here. He'd made plenty of friends at those places, had gotten plenty of swooning fan girls, mere prepubescent teenagers that had tried to kill themselves for being bullied at school, or for their boyfriends breaking up with them. Those places were always fucking filled with those dumb asses. Tayuya at first had even struck him as one of those very types that he fucking hated, what with her short stature, bright pink hair, and crazy wool-knit hat sporting the Batman symbol on it. But he'd soon learned she was actually only a year younger than him, having been more or less tricked into marrying some mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive husband. Unlike all the teenagers at the facility who had been admitted after attempting suicide, Tayuya had been put in here by the police after she nearly killed her husband on her front lawn with a weed-whacker.

She was a damn good friend, though he'd all but forgotten about her until he'd decided to re-kindle their relationship. She understood and sympathized with him all of the crazy thoughts and situations he'd been in that Itachi never could. Made him feel a little less crazy.

A flash of orange caught his attention, and his eyes darted over, thinking maybe Yahiko would be among the crowd, but as he squinted, he saw that it was just some other random flame-headed guy.

He couldn't believe the twins were here, it was even more outlandish to him than Tayuya's presence. When he'd looked them up all those months ago, his heart had fell heavily to find that they were situated in New York with their unbelievable business. He couldn't even understand how the hell they'd managed to get where they were in the very few years that had passed since high school. They were a grade above him, and thus a year older than him, which meant that in only 6 years they'd somehow become multimillionaires. He didn't bother to question it, not even within his own mind, though he was obviously curious. The Ame brothers,... Now  _they_  may very well be Irish or Welsh or some fucking kind of leprechaun bullshit, as Tayuya would say.

He honestly didn't want to know how it had actually happened, because likely it probably did have a lot to do with luck, and if he did't then it had to do with slippery business deal and shit like that, and he didn't care about such things, He was the last person who needed to learn some ultimate secret of how to get rich extremely quick. But ,for all that to have happened to the boys, along with somehow squeezing marriage and the birth of 4 children, (Two each, as he'd read online. Practically the same ages, even, the creeps. They were way to synced to each other.) they  _had_  to be incredibly busy, running a fucking world-wide corporation the way they did. And yet here they were, in this dumb little town where they'd grown up, all for the sake of seeing Hidan...

There weren't all that many people in this world that mattered to him, but Itachi had made sure that every single one of them was here.

Except... Except...

He shook his head, forcing the thought away before it even came. He managed to slip behind the table and swipe an entire bottle of Honey-whiskey, before losing himself in the crowd again.

Itachi, he had to find Itachi.

He opened the bottle mostly on autopilot as he moved, bringing the drink to his lips and taking a huge swallow, hissing in a breath at the burn but reveling in it at the same time. Oh  _fuck_  yea, he'd missed that. His stomach warmed immediately as the alcohol settled in, and though he knew it couldn't possibly working so fast, he instantly felt himself begin to relax.

His thoughts smoothed themselves out, centering on his goal to find his dearest friend and roommate, as he pushed through gyrating, pulsating bodies all currently dancing wildly to some electronic-alternative song he didn't recognize. He looked from each face, anyone who caught his eyes smiled back at him but didn't acknowledge him any further, something he was grateful for, seeing as he had no fucking idea who the majority of these goddamn people were. Thanks to the alcohol in his hand, even if he wasn't drunk yet, he wasn't as bothered by them as he had been before.

 _They probably just came for the booze..._  He reasoned to himself, pushing past another person only to run into the wall. He put his free hand against it, sliding it along as he moved away from the flashing lights that he assumed was the DJ system. Hell, he'd crashed plenty of random strangers parties back in the day, pretending to be their friend all to obtain free liquor.

God, he still couldn't believe it. All of this, all for him...

He'd always known Itachi was one hell of a good friend. He'd always said that he loved the guy like a brother, but this was... this was just... There weren't even words! All he knew is he had to find him, and hug the fucker to death.

Hidan wasn't any sort of touchy-feely type of person, but this kind of hit him hard. He wasn't exactly sure why, usually any kind of gestures didn't mean much to him. He was always grateful, kind of, but most normally he just accepted kindness for the fact that he felt he was owed it. It was beyond obvious that he hadn't expected this, part of him was embarrassed and ashamed that the Uchiha would go to so much trouble for him, especially after he'd been ignoring him for the past few months. Itachi had done him so many favors already, silently accepting the fact that Hidan would likely never be able to pay him back, despite the albino's many promises to do so. Letting him into his house, practically  _saving his life,_  well that should have affected him far greater than some dumb party... but this.. it almost pissed him off at how good it made him feel.

A pang of pain shot through him at the thought, the same kind of good pain that make his eyes burn a little bit.

That's what he'd been doing all day long, putting all this together. Had Itachi been planning it for awhile? Had he been planning to throw Hidan this party as one of his weird gestures with a double-meaning? Meant to make him feel like shit for treating his roommate so badly for the last few months?

He wasn't sure. The Uchiha could be demonically spiteful, but never toward those he cared about, he didn't think. No, the bastard couldn't have been planning anything, he always liked to give out little hints to Hidan when he did stuff like that, laughing to himself when the pale man didn't catch on, boosting his own ego through Hidan's stupidity. Itachi hadn't done anything like that, so that could only lead him to assume he'd somehow managed to pull all of this out of his ass at the last moment, just yesterday when he'd mentioned that he wanted to go drinking.

"Uchiha, you crazy fucker..." He said again, and again not even able to hear himself. Finally, he came to a corner, and could see what looked like a doorway up ahead after he turned with the wall. He took another victorious gulp of the liquor in his hands just before someone grabbed his shoulder and spun him around, making him let out a yelp that thankfully went unheard with the thundering bass shaking the building to its very foundation.

His eyes focused on those of Tayuya's, and again he was wrapped in another hug, which she secretly used to slip the whiskey bottle from his hands. He shouted out in protest, but it was muffled down just as much as any other sort of vocal communication, and she raised it to her lips, swallowing three times before wiping her mouth and handing it back to him, giving him a toothy grin.

He snatched it, giving her a half-hearted glare, and took an equally big swallow. When he lowered the bottle she had leaned in so close that his heart gave a small jolt of panic before she grabbed the side of his head to keep him from pulling away.

"We always said we were gonna party together when we got out!" She shouted into his ear, though it might as well have been a whisper. "I didn't think it'd ever actually happen! Happy fucking birthday you psycho!" She yelled, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. "It's good to get to see you for real instead of on some shitty little screen!"

"Bitch, quit climbing up on my dick!" He shouted back, not having understood most of what she'd said, wiping the assaulted cheek with the back of his hand. She only rolled her eyes and grabbed him by his free wrist, yanking him along behind her.

She led him through the door he'd come in, out into the hallway and then through the front door. When they could actually hear themselves think, she turned around and punched him. "I've told you happy fucking birthday like three fucking times now you assmunch! Say thank you!"

Hidan rubbed where he'd been hit, smiling despite himself. "Thanks, cunt."

"You're fucking welcome. You got one fucking hell of a roomie you know. I swear to God you gotta be Irish. Waaaay too fucking lucky, you are." She said, shaking her finger at him before she pulled a pack of cigarettes from her pocket, popping one into her mouth and then extending the pack to him.

Hidan held back a laugh, getting the impression that the poor woman was already drunk. She obviously wasn't off her ass, but he could smell the liquor on her breath. He accepted her offer, grimacing slightly at the brand she smoked, but saying nothing more. Tobacco was tobacco, after all. "I'm not goddamn Irish, shitstain. I pretty much just fucking write it off as karma. I mean, the universe can never really fucking replay me for the shit cards I've been dealt, but at least life is tolerable now."

"Hah! Karma. You're a fucking devil, how the fuck do you figure life owes you anything?"

"Hey I was a good person once! S'not my fault I kept getting involved in shitty situations that drove me to do the shit I did!"

"Uh huh. Blame society. You're such a bitch."

"Tch. Like you have room to talk."

"Motherfucker, I own up to the shit I did. Like I said to that dumbfuck the day I almost slit his useless fucking prick off. I'd go through hell a thousand times over if it meant getting to see him get what he fucking deserves. It's the same thing with everything else, I have no fucking regrets, nothing to repent to you're shit God for."

"Don't get fucking started on religion. It ain't his fault humanity fucked itself."

"Oh so you can blame karma but not God? You realize how fucking stupid that is, right? They're both fucking fake anyway. Life is just shit, pure and simple."

"Tch, whatever. Like I give a shit about your fucking opinion."

"You should, I'm a woman. I'm smarter."

"Hah! What fucking statistics are you getting that from?"

"Uh, rock, paper, scissors. Obviously, Paper covers rock right? Well vagina covers dick."

Hidan laughed, letting out a flow of cigarette smoke. "You're fucking retarded."

"Fuck you, albino fuck."

"Pink pile of shit. Nice pigtails by the way, what are you, five?" He said, grabbing one and yanking it roughly, receiving another punch to the shoulder before she wrenched the alcohol from his hand again and took a few more swallows.

"God, I'm not nearly drunk enough to deal with your ass."

"It's my party, I'll be a dick if I want to." He replied smartly, swiping the glass back and outdoing the woman by one extra mouthful. He dropped it back to his side, took a long drag of the cigarette and sighed, closing his eyes and enjoying the simultaneous burn of his throat, lungs, and stomach. Sparks popped behind his eyes briefly as he was taken in the masochistic bliss of the moment. "Oh God that feels so fucking good. Better than sex, seriously."

"I don't know how the fuck you managed to drop everything. I would have fucking killed someone." Tayuya stated almost casually, taking a long drag off her own cigarette.

"I still smoke. I tried giving it up, but you know nicotine is the most addicted substance in the world, next to fucking caffeine. But no one says shit about that, naturally. 'Tachi wouldn't care if I drank if I was off those goddamn pills they keep pushing on me, so long as I don't do it every fucking day, I guess. Weed was fucking hard to give up though, I mean, not really hard, but just, stressful. Everything else I dropped before they released me from Pence*. Getting over the fucking withdrawal was so fucking hard, I would rather die than get addicted to that shit again, though I still want it every now and then."

"Meh. I never did the hardcore drugs. Weed was the worst I ever fucking had."

"'Cause you're a pansy."

"'Cause I'm fucking intelligent. That shit fucks with your body too much anyway. I dunno, maybe I have more fucking self-respect as a fucking woman than you did. I knew one day I was going to snap and one way or another get away from him, I didn't want to be all fucking nasty and diseased looking when I finally got single again ya know? Why do drug-users think they don't need to eat anyway? I mean, you were never that bad, but look at you now." She said, swatting at his stomach with the back of her hand. "Fucking fatass."

"Hey bitch! I guarantee I still weigh less than you!"

"Bullshit, I've lost 30 lbs, and you're still like a fucking foot taller than me."

"Wanna make a bet?"

"No.."

"Hah, s'what I fucking thought. You goddamn women and your insecurities..." He trailed off, receiving only an eye roll and an 'I'm not even going to dignify that with a response' look. "It ain't my fault, Itachi and my shithole boss fucking teamed up against me, they don't make me eat much, but they always make me eat something, even when I'm not hungry. And you know they won't just give me a bag of fuckin' Cheetos* and be done with it. Dumb bastards."

"Sounds to me like they, you know,  _care_  about you?"

"Hah. Itachi yeah, that's a no-fucking-brainer. But my boss couldn't give less of a shit about me. He's just a doctor, can't have a guy who looks like a crack-head being his receptionist, you know."

"You work at a fucking  _Doctor's_  office!?"

Hidan shrugged, his grimace returning to his face. "Meh, it's just a dumb little privately owned clinic. He doesn't really do real doctor stuff usually, the lazy piece of shit. It's mostly just for like checkups and that type of shit, so people don't have to drive thirty-eight miles to the next town over just to have a ten-minute examination."

She gave him a mischievous grin and nudged him with an elbow. "Ahhh so he gets all the perks of being a doctor with none of the bullshit eh? Is he hot? Is he single? I bet he has money, you gonna get yourself a sugar-daddy  _Hida-baby?"_

The pale man shoved her off rougher than necessary. "Fuck off. He's like... forty-six or some shit. And besides he's... not my type..."

Tayuya stared at him for a few more seconds in a speculative manner, an interested smirk on her features, but she said nothing more, eventually turning to mimic his stance.

There was a brief pause, Hidan finished his cigarette, and flicked it off into the parking lot, Tayuya was right behind him, and did the same after taking one more drag. She sighed, wobbling slightly, but smiling and staring out into the night.

"So... your roommate. I still can't fucking believe him. No one with a cock is that pretty."

"He has one, trust me."

She gasped and twisted, clinging onto his arm. "You've seen it!? Oh fuck, did you two fool around in High school!? Tell me the story!"

He shoved her off, laughing despite his attempt to appear disgusted and the lingering thought of Kakuzu. "For the billionth fucking time, he's not my goddamn type! Shit never happened between us. I thought you were a fucking dyke anyway, why are you so obsessed with him."

She looked at him like he was the dumbest person on earth. "Why aren't you!? You're psycho. ' _Not your type_.' No one's your type huh? You're insane." She repeated.

"What gave you  _that_  fucking idea, dumbass." He said, suddenly remembering what he'd been doing before he'd come out here. "Anyway, I need to find him, you know where he is?"

"No idea!" She said all too enthusiastically. "But that ginger and his brother are back in the kitchen area. Maybe he's back there chatting with them?"

"Where the fuck is the kitchen?"

"Back behind the bar, Uchiha had it closed off so all the fuckin' drunkies don't wreck more shit than they have too, but the little slide window thingy was halfway open. I seen that fire-crotch guy's hair."

Hidan recalled Yahiko motioning to the bar, inwardly rolling his eyes at himself. "Well fucking show me you dumb bitch! I don't wanna get lost again!"

"No shit, I didn't know you had so many friends."

"I don't, you and Yaki and Nagi are pretty much the only people I really actually know, aside from 'Tachi and Shark-dick. I think I saw my therapist in here, and 'Tachi's lawyer. I've seen a few others around town but aside from that I have no fucking clue who most of them are."

She snorted out a laugh as they started back into the building."Yaki and Nagi, that's cute. you guys must've had the cutest bromance." She laughing, shoving him lightly. "But Shark-dick? Who's that?"

"Itachi's fuck-buddy."

Her eyes lit up. "Oh fuck, is he that huge fucking black guy that was following him around? Damn, That's sexy, I'm gonna stalk those fuckers until I see them make out."

Hidan's face contorted. "What the fuck you crazy bitch? I'm gonna have to warn him that you might kidnap him and fucking rape his shit."

Tayuya punched him again with all her slightly-drunken might. "You fucking stupid slut-fucker!  _I. don't. do. guys._  What's so hard for people to understand about that? Doesn't mean I can't watch, though."

"You're kind of freaking me out, Pinkie. Seriously. And stop goddamn hitting me, feels like someone throwing a piece of paper."

"Psh, fuck you."

"You wish."

"You wish I wished."

Hidan pushed back through the door, immediately assaulted again by the thundering music, feeling as if his pulse were beating along with it by the vibrations rattling through him. he took another big swig of alcohol, starting to feel warm and fuzzy, and sighed in content. Tayuya moved ahead of him, motioning for him to follow and he did, pushing their way through the crow, past the bar, and over to a closed door on the side.

"That reminds me!" She shouted, leaning in close so he could hear. "When you're plastered I'm gonna make you get up on that stage and sing with me. I already checked, he's got a fucking karaoke machine sitting back behind his equipment."

"Over my dead fucking body bitch!" He yelled back.

"You say that now, wait until you're so drunk you don't even know who you are anymore. I'll get'cha."

Their conversation ended then as they entered the kitchen to find the only other four souls Hidan knew talking amongst themselves, just as the pinkette had said. She pushed him in, shutting the door behind her. He was slightly thrown off by how well the music was canceled out in this new room, for a second, before dismissing it. There were more important things to deal with at the moment, namely his roommate.

"I found him!" She said in a sing-song voice, attracting the four men's attention and she grabbed his wrist again and yanked him over to join the group.

"Hey fucker!" He said, wrenching his hand free and going over to give Itachi an apparently unexpected hug. He understood, really, he wasn't usually the type of person to do such a thing, in fact he generally hated being touched in any way that wasn't violent, but he was starting to buzz from the alcohol and frankly he was too fucking happy to give a shit about acting out of character. "I almost got lost looking for you. Who the fuck are all those people? Did you just randomly invite the whole town or what?"

Itachi laughed, pulling himself free. "Basically. I had to have some help setting everything up, the rest just saw my advertisements. I personally e-mailed Yahiko and Nagato, and I snuck into your room last night and hack your laptop to get a hold of Tayuya."

"Tch, don't say that too loud, 'Tachi. " He said, leaning close and putting a hand to the side of his mouth, sending a devious smirk in his friends direction. "She wants to molest you." He whispered, turning to look at Kisame. "And you too. Be careful. She's a crazy bitch."

"But I fuck so good they're on top of it~!" She sang, shaking her hips, and eliciting nervous glances from the two men.

Hidan laughed. Yeah, she was wasted already.

"Anyway..." Hidan said much lighter now, his chest hurting so good again. "Thanks... bitch." He reached out to pinch the slightly shorter mans cheek. It was slapped away, of course, but there were no ill feelings. Itachi knew him well enough to be able to tell when he did weird things because he was uncomfortable.

"You're very welcome Hidan. You deserved it, for as far as you've come."

"Yeah," Yahiko said having watched the previous exchanged in amusement, arms crossed across his chest. "'Tachi's been filling us in. What the hell were you thinking getting involved in all that kinda shit?"

"Brother. Knock it off." Nagato snapped, turning to Hidan with that innocent yet still mischievous smile on his face. "All that matters is that it's over with. You really do look good Hidan. You're glowing, even."

"Well fuck yeah I am, I have my holy water back for the night!" Hidan laughed, holding up the bottle and swirling it.

"Alright, you fuckers can all chat after I see his dumb face when he gets his present!" Tayuya interjected, coming up next to Itachi. "C'mon! Hurry and give it to him!"

Again the thought returned to his head at how strange it was for Itachi to have known to invite Tayuya. He'd never told him anything about her, which meant that the only way he could have known was if he overheard their conversations.

His smile dissipated then as he mentally kicked himself. Goddammit, of course he heard, it's not like his room was somehow soundproof, and the two of them both had a habit of shouting back and forth. Why the fuck he'd thought the Uchiha didn't know was beyond him. Goddamn he was such a fucking idiot some times,  _especially_  when he thought he was being smart.

He internally sighed, before visible stiffening as another thought occurred to him. If Itachi knew about Tayuya, then he probably knew about his new hobby... And had probably known for awhile. Which meant he knew Hidan had been keeping secrets from him this whole time... which explained why he hadn't been all that mad at him after he'd stopped ignoring him. He felt his cheeks burn, refusing to acknowledge it in case by some miracle no one noticed. He really was the dumbest person he knew...

But if Itachi knew about Tayuya and the lessons she was giving him, he probably knew he didn't have a guitar. And he wasn't going to give himself the hope that he didn't hear him refusing to get one for the fact that Itachi would find out. Tayuya was excited for him to get his present, which meant it was probably...

"Oh no... 'Tachi..." He groaned again, heart plummeting into his stomach and then back up again like a bungee jumper.

Itachi only smiled silently, reaching his hand out to Kisame, who produced a guitar from behind his back, handing it to his boyfriend, who in turn held it out to Hidan.

The pale man only stared emotionless at it for awhile, trying to process his thoughts once again as he admired the instrument, unable to force his body into movement to reach out and take it. It was... it was beautiful. So perfect, so glossy and simple and beautiful and... and perfect. Itachi knew him far too well, he thought. He didn't even mind that it had the AA symbol on it, in fact he thought it was hilarious. Itachi, you devious motherfucker.

"That symbol on there is Jashin's circle." Itachi explained in his soft voice. "He's the false God of slaughter and death and destruction, all those sorts of un-pleasantries, created by a death metal band. I thought you'd like the irony of it."

Pigment-less eyes flicked back and forth between the gift and Itachi's face, words failing him for the second time this evening. Okay, so it wasn't the AA symbol. It was even better. The god of bloodshed, basically. It was a clever play on Itachi's part, mixing the two things about Hidan that had always clashed, his strange belief in God and his absurd love of gore and dark, macabre things centered around blood and death. He absently set the bottle of alcohol down on the counter beside him and reached out for it, wonderment still controlling his features.

"It's tuned and ready to go, kid." Shark-dick said. "I made sure they didn't try to screw you."

Hidan looked up at him in question, receiving an amused chuckle. "Yep, you went to all that trouble finding her when I played all along." He nodded to the girl beside him, even shorter than Itachi, coming barely to Kisame's mid-chest. She turned to fawn over him, as if playing a guitar escalated him to a godly status.

"I'm glad you didn't though, I'd be a terrible teacher..." He continued, scratching the back of his head.

"You better fucking try it out then. I wanna see how badass of a teacher I am." Tayuya added, making Hidan somewhat roll his eyes. Fucking chicks, jumping back and forth between sexuality all over a pretty face.

"This can't be real. Seriously..." He whispered then, running his hands over it, making sure it  _was_  real. He moved it into position, running his fingers along the strings in awe, strumming them all once, twice, then a third time, closing his eyes to listen to the sound hum, to feel the vibrations in his hands, before he looked up again to meet Itachi's smiling eyes.

It felt so good in his hands, so right, reassuring him that he hadn't gone through all this trouble just to turn out to be absolutely fucking terrible at it. He was glad, because he really wanted to do this, he liked having all the musical knowledge he had now, he liked being able to hear a song and map it out in his mind, he liked being able to find a random sheet of music and sing the song without ever hearing it. He liked being able to finally give a concrete tune to the many pages of his journals.

He liked everything about it. Everything.

"You goddamn Uchiha. This isn't fair. I'm gonna owe you for the rest of my fucking life for this. You ass."

"Oh shut the hell up and play it, you girl." Tayuya snapped, making itachi raise a brow. "Do the song I taught you, Spiders*. You remember it or do I have to show your dumb ass?"

"Yeah Hida, show us what you got!" Yahiko piped, giving him an amused smile.

He looked around at all the faces, briefly wondering why the hell he'd wanted to keep it a secret. Well, he knew why, because he hadn't wanted to hear any criticism for it. Yet everyone in this room gave him nothing but encouraging grins. It made him nervous, and strangely shy, which in turn made him a little irritated. Since when had he ever given a shit before? Then again, since when had everyone who mattered to him been gathered into one group, watching him do something he'd kept a secret out of embarrassment and for the fact that he didn't want to have to be in this situation until he could actually play masterfully.

He blinked.  _Okay Hidan, get a hold of yourself here. Stop acting like a little bitch._

Kisame flicked him a guitar pick, which he somehow managed to catch without dropping the precious instrument, and he positioned his fingers, looking around one final time before returning his eyes to the guitar. Well, so much for no one ever calling him an idiot again. He supposed he'd never be able to shut everyone up for good, since he was even calling  _himself_  stupid now.

"I've never actually played before, fuckers." He grumbled. "So don't fucking make fun of me."

With that, and a very deep and slow breath in and then out, he started strumming, chewing on the inside of his cheek as he tried to remember what Tayuya had done in their lessons, pressing the strings in all the places she had.

_Please don't embarrass me, brain. Just do what I tell you to for once..._

 

.

 

He failed miserably, in the end, but he didn't even care at that point. Once he'd started playing, hearing the notes he created with his own fingers, reveling in his ability to produce music, however off-key it was, all his worries on the subject seemed to trickle away. No one said a single word, even as he laughed nervously every time he hit the wrong note and started over. No one made faces at him, or scoffed, even Kisame had a brow raised in mild shock. He was doing a terrible job, but he supposed to a fellow guitar player, one who had no idea how much he'd learned, perhaps he was doing rather well, considering he'd never even  _held_  a guitar previous to this moment.

When the shameful display was over, his tutor clapped him on the back, told him he was fucking terrible while wearing a big smile, and then informed the group that she was heading back out to the party.

Shark-dick announced the same thing moments later after Itachi and him had a hushed conversation, ruffling Hidan's hair as he moved past, pulling out his phone just before he disappeared through the doorway. The sudden burst of music made Hidan jump until the door was shut again, he laughed out loud when a fe minutes later, he heard the music cut off and Tayuya's loud voice boomed through the room, saying they were going to do Karaoke in a few more hours and that 'You pansy ass bitches better not be fucking party-poopers and fucking sign up.'

 

.

 

The next few hours were spent talking to his old friends and Itachi, recollecting all the old days, telling each other stories of new things that had happened to them. The Ame brothers both whipped out their fancy, expensive phones to show the two pictures of their family. There was teasing and laughter, all the old nicknames they'd had for each other were used with ease, as if all the years hadn't even passed.

Hidan's chest felt like a balloon about to burst the entire time, his heart and soul feeling lighter than air as he steadily consumed the whiskey. The other three shared it with him after pulling out glasses for each of them respectively.

_"You remember when we skipped fourth period and played that prank of your girlfriend!" Yahiko laughed, gesturing to his brother._

_"A terrible mess that turned into. I don't know what we were thinking..." Nagato admitted._

_"Well I thought it was fucking genius, didn't think she'd actually call the cops."_

_"Well she thought I'd been kidnapped! What else would she have done?"_

Hidan laughed harder than he had in years, tears stinging his eyes and running down his face as he gasped for air. Not once in all those hours did his boss cross his mind, a fact he didn't notice or have the chance to appreciate until later.

All those feelings of security were back within him. He felt so cherished, in a sense, so wanted. To think, of how incredibly successful the two had become, everything they'd made of their lives, when they'd been no more than misfits and troublemakers, just like him not so many years ago. It made him sad, in a way, a little ashamed. But he was able to push it aside. No, he was having far too good a time to let these damn demons ruin it.

Knowing how fond the twins had actually been of his friendship, knowing that they'd thought about him multiple times over the years, to think that he'd had such an impact on anyone's life, the fact that someone remembered him, hoped silently that he was doing okay, that someone actually cared, He almost felt the need to break down and cry.

He didn't, of course, and he was horrified at the realization that he would even consider doing so. Hidan San didn't cry. He wasn't some prissy girl, he was a hardened man who kept his emotions locked away whenever he could, seeing as his defective brain already did the job for him of bringing them out with magnified force on random occasions.

_"Oh God 'Tachi. That time you got expelled for mouthing off the the principle! Remember that? And we skipped school for that whole week in protest! That was brilliant!"_

_Itachi twisted his face in disgust. "He had absolutely no right to say those things about Hidan. If Father hadn't hated you so much we could have very well sue'd him."_

_Hidan laughed. "He was just fucking jealous because I wouldn't bend to his will like a fucking slave."_

_"Well, in his defense, they had to replace that projector. Those are rather expensive." Nagato said, one eyebrow raised as he teased._

_"We would know, we worked for a place that produced them after graduation." Yahiko said._

_"Tch. So what? Maybe his fucking faculty shouldn't have pissed me off, and I wouldn't have had to demonstrate my refusal to be controlled!"_

He felt somewhat stupid for missing those days. He didn't want to be like all those people still trying to live as if they were high schoolers, unable to let go because it had been the peak of their miserable lives. He wouldn't let himself feel bad for it, because that really had been the high point of his childhood, and they were good times. Back before he'd started smoking and drinking and snorting his life away on those stupid goddamn drugs. Before he'd given up the notion that he'd ever be able to be someone worthwhile in his life, passed back and forth from place to place until he was old enough to leave the endless cycle of foster homes. Told time and time again that he'd never amount to anything by one abusive foster family after the other each time he rebelled against them without ever really knowing why.

But he realized now that he  _had_  come so very far. He'd always known he was improving, but the magnitude of his achievements hadn't actually struck him until just now. Now that he could look back at that long, miserable struggle he'd gone through to quit the drugs. To quit wandering aimlessly from place to place, earning just enough money off whatever work he could possibly get only to blow it all away on the very thing ruining him. Giving in to his addictions and destroying any little bit of progress he'd made, getting thrown into courtroom after courtroom, jail cell after jail cell, one mental institution after the next.

It astounded him, now, that he could have been so stupid, so weak, when all along he'd possessed more than enough determination to fix his mistakes and make himself better. Being blinded to it by that damn head of his, those little bodiless voices whispering in his ears, telling him nothing mattered, that there was no reason to improve because he had no future anyway. No family to care if he lived or died, no one left in his life to give him motivation to care about his own well-being.

Not until after that last hospitalization, when he'd been too depressed by his train wreck of an existence to even care enough to keep consuming those damn drugs. When he'd simply given up, going through the hell of withdrawal with the zeal he did only for the fact that he was determined to just let himself die as soon as they released him from that terrible place.

And then being too much of a coward to do even that. Praying desperately to a God he didn't even know existed anymore. Asking for some kind of sign that he wasn't as worthless as he felt, as he made himself to be. Begging the omnipotent being not to turn a blind eye on him, because it was the only hope he had left, the only thing keeping him going, those tiny, weakening threads he clung to desperately that some possibly imaginary person in the sky still had some sort of plan for him.

It was a godsend that he'd stepped off that bus that landed him here in town, using every last penny of the money he'd earned through shady business deal to return to the place where he'd had his happiest memories, hoping with diminishing strength that something here would help him.

And he'd landed miraculously at Itachi's doorstep.

_"Oooh I've got a good one. Remember when we all went streaking across the field in the middle of that football game!?" Yahiko said, barely able to finish his sentence through his laughter._

_"Oh my god!" Itachi said, blushing a deep crimson. "I absolutely can not believe you convinced me to do that!"_

_"We had to use blackmail, remember?" Nagato said, chuckling himself._

_"OH YEAH! We were gonna tell your dad that we caught you making out with the fucking Honor's English teacher after school!" Hidan crowed._

_"Yes. I only went along with it because she would have lost her job, and all under false accusations. As if I'd ever even_ _**touch** _ _a woman..."_

_"Oh bullshit, He still tries to act like royalty, but you know you wanted to be a rebel just like the rest of us."_

_"I'm pretty sure there wasn't a single girl in those stands that had dry panties after seeing you do that though." Yahiko laughed. "We all got suspended, you just got a demerit."_

_"Fucking stupid corrupt school system, I could never understand why they all still wanted to fuck you, everyone knew you were hardcore homo."_

_"Such is the burden of being an Uchiha." Itachi said, with a flamboyant roll of his eyes._

Unfortunately, the reminiscing came to an end all too soon, when the clock struck midnight and the twins announced that they had to be getting back to their duties. Hidan teased them half-heartedly, genuinely sad to see them go. They responded with more teasing, and after a few moments everyone exchanged phone numbers, promising to visit each other in the near future, before the next High school reunion, which would not be for another few years.

They all hugged, giving each other flack for the feminine display, but each of them undoubtedly enjoying the act. And in another moment, Itachi and Hidan were alone, sitting in melancholy silence.

Hidan took another drink from the bottle, nearly depleted. He swayed in his chair as he sat there, staring at Itachi, who smiled back at him. his drunken mind couldn't process thoughts very well, only emotions magnified by the alcohol. All he could really determine was that he could seriously kiss the guy, he was so happy. He stifled a humiliated laugh as he realized how ridiculous that thought was, as well as revolting. He did want to crush him in another bear hug, but he resisted, he'd already done enough utterly stupid things since arriving at this party, and would undoubtedly do many more.

The biggest factor keeping him from embracing the man was his inability to stand, though.

"I really can't thank you enough, 'Tachi. You... you're such a good friend." He slurred out. "No, Not good. You're the most kick ass fucking awesome son of a bitch I know."

Itachi laughed in an unrestrained way that Hidan hadn't witnessed him do since the last time the Uchiha had gotten drunk with him, which had been in high school. "Oh, Hida. You flatter me. But really, You deserve it. You've really got your life back in order, and in such a short amount of time. I don't think me or anyone else in this would would ever have been able to do what you did after going through all that."

Hidan felt his cheeks redden, damn alcohol.

"I mean it. Don't dismiss yourself. You're so incredibly strong. Give yourself some credit where it's due. If this doesn't prove how much worth your existence holds, nothing will. You've proved to anyone with enough gall to call you worthless that you're not."

Hidan snorted, looking for any escape from the moment. His heart beat so very hard in his tight chest, it almost physically pained him. "You're drunk, Uchiha."

"I believe so, yes. But that doesn't make it any less true."

"Tch. Damn, we're like a couple of chicks. Are you going to ask me to braid your hair?"

"I wouldn't let you near my hair, no matter how much alcohol I've had."

Hidan laughed, and raised the bottle to his outh again, surprised when nothing more came out. He held the bottle to his eyes, looking into the neck to assure his drunken mind that it was, indeed, empty. And then dropped his hand, looking at Itachi with an expression that was un-explainable because he wasn't exactly sure how to control the muscles in his face to make a certain one.

"You fucker's drank all my whiskey..." He slurred terribly.

"Well then, how about we actually go out and enjoy the party so you can get some more? This was actually a pain in the ass to put together, and yet all we've done is sit back here the whole time."

"Sounds like the best fucking idea ever. Seriously."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kakuzu sat in his car, staring silently at the building that was visibly shaking with the strength of the music inside.  _Kids these days..._

He looked down at his phone, still showing the text he'd received hours ago from Kisame.

_**Hell of a party. You're missing out.** _

He pushed the down arrow key, showing the one he'd received just before he'd gotten in the car and driven out here.

_**The kid's wasted off his ass. Now or never, old man.** _

He snapped the phone shut, though not putting it away just yet. Great, that idiot made it sound like they were planning to take advantage of some unwilling youth. That wasn't humiliating or anything...

Did he really want to go in there? He convinced himself earlier to at least go, after imaging a sweaty, shirtless Hidan dancing around in a drunken stupor. After hating himself and wallowing in meager self-pity at how much the thought aroused him, at how very desperately he wanted to see that scenario come to life. How the thought of Hidan, on that night months ago had invaded his mind. His tired eyes, disheveled hair, how strangely comfortable the boy had felt in that stance, how he didn't really mind when his pale little fingers had pressed against him... He did not know how the boy was when he was drunk, but because of that image that refused to leave his mind, he was curious enough to find out.

But now that he was here, he was unsure again. He was far too old to go to parties, far too respectable. He would receive all kinds of strange looks if he just sauntered in there as if nothing at all were amiss. He didn't want that kind of attention, but damn it all if he wasn't tempted.  _The kid is wasted off his ass..._  Kisame said, who knows what the little idiot would agree to. How he would react. He hadn't pulled aware immediately on that night, still being half-gripped by sleep. He'd looked up at him, almost affectionately, greeting him in a soft voice, as if he were happy to see him...

It  _was_  Hidan's birthday party. Most of the town was fully aware that he worked for the Doctor by now. Surely he could just use the excuse that he wanted to wish his employee a happy birthday, and no one would question it. It made perfect sense, he had no intention of getting drunk, though half of him almost wanted to, at the very least to spare himself the humiliation of remembering this awful decision in the morning. The other half wanted to get drunk enough to regain the confidence that insufferable little brat always seemed to somehow take from him.

He'd surprisingly not had too awful much of a hangover when he woke up today, and even more stunning than that was the fact that he'd actually  _slept_ , and slept well. He felt rested, for the first time in months. His head wasn't foggy, his energy wasn't sapped after doing the most minor of tasks. He didn't honestly know if he should attribute it to the alcohol or to the conversation he'd had with Kisame about his little problem. He'd been pretty well completely inebriated by the time he the cab he called finally arrived, he remembered most of the night, he remembered laughing a lot, chatting with Kisame about things that they hadn't mentioned to each other in years.

The night Kisame had realized he had feelings for Itachi didn't really count as far as 'guy time' went, seeing as they'd had to leave when the idiot had started making a scene, and Kakuzu had gotten suddenly angry with him. This time, though, they talked about anything and everything, mainly Itachi and Hidan. Normally Kakuzu couldn't stand the man when he went on about that Uchiha boy, in fact it usually nauseated him. But he didn't mind so much last night, in fact he'd found himself rather intruiqued, perhaps it was the alcohol, or perhaps it was his situation with his employee, he honestly didn't know. But the way Kisame explained it, how unashamed he was of the happiness that the boy gave him, how glad he was that he'd ignored all his misgivings and acted on those light, fluttery feelings, Kakuzu couldn't help but think secretly to himself;  _he wanted to feel that._

It might have been the alcohol, or it might have been his drunken, brief acceptance of his feelings for Hidan that helped him to actually rest that night, but either way, if those were the ticket to getting some rest, both of those things were there just inside that building.

All he had to do was go inside.

He sighed heavily. No matter how much he thought about it, no matter how hard he tried to come to some sort of decision, he never could seem to reach one, never could seem to fully understand the circumstances.

What would he even do? What if he went in there and Hidan  _did_ respond? What if the idiot was so drunk that instead of rejecting the idea and teasing the man, like he mostly expected him to, what if... what if he tried something?

This was a bad idea, this was the worst idea.

He opened the door and got out anyway, after sending a very slow text to his only friend. He rarely,  _rarely_  ever resorted to texting. It was stupid, in his opinion, why wait for a reply when you could just call someone and get it immediately? But he did so now only because, from the sound of how loud that music was, Kisame wouldn't be able to hear him anyway even if he did somehow hear his phone ring.

He trudged up to the entrance, halting before the door with his fists tightly clenched.

_**This was such a bad fucking idea.** _

So why the hell was he doing it? Why was he listening to Kisame's advice? When had anything that man ever said to him actually helped?

_Because you have no other options. Because you really_ _**are** _ _a lonely old man. Because, even though you're sober now, you still want to experience what Kisame experiences with Itachi._

Well, even if that were true, nothing could happen until he got some answers.

Right. He couldn't fault the man's logic, it was pretty well the same thing he repeatedly told himself, but couldn't seem to listen to until now. The problem wasn't going away, it was getting progressively worse, if anything, and something needed to be done about it. And this really  _was_ pretty well the only option. Not this specific situation, but the idea behind it; to simply confront the insufferable little brat. And yet again, his friend had another point. If the idiot was going to be drunk beyond reason, at the very least, he most likely wouldn't remember it in the morning.

Hidan could continue on as if nothing ever happened, and Kakuzu would have his closure on the matter, as well as piece of mind. Nothing lost from it.

Right, it made perfect sense, surely it would be easy enough, he could do this flawlessly. Hell, he didn't even have to go inside. He knew this building from the various blood drives he'd assisted that had been held here. He knew that there was a hallway and the restrooms just beyond the door that he had to go through before even stepping foot into the room where he assumed the party and all his inhabitants were.

He'd told Kisame to meet him out here. He could just have his friend go grab Hidan, bring him out to the hallway, say what he had to say... and that was that. No one except the his oceanic friend would even have to know he was here.

Taking a deep breath, he stepped into the building, wincing at the assault on his eardrums from the music.

Kisame walked through the doorway at that exact moment, laughing loudly when he set eyes on his stoic friend, standing still with his hands in the pockets of his knee-length duster. To Kakuzu's slight distress and great discomfort, his friend embraced him in an overly-friendly hug. He let it happen only for the fact that the man reeked of alcohol, and he knew that any injury he caused would most likely not even be registered.

"Kakuzu, my friend. We've been waiting for you!" He said loudly, just below a shout, when he stepped back.

"What do you mean 'we'?" He replied, unhappy about having to raise his voice to the volume he did.

"Well Itachi and I of course. He was really nervous you might not come. We gave the kid his present, you missed it, should have been here when he walked in. His face was priceless!"

Kakuzu death-glared the man. Why should he care about that? Why  _did_  he care about that? Dammit, stop that, stop being disappointing. _You don't care, you_ _ **don't.**_

"Kisame, go fetch Hidan and bring him out here so I can get this over with." He sighed.

"Ahh, Well I guess I could, but he and that pink-haired chick are up at the front of the room getting ready to do karaoke or some shit. You really want me to make a scene like that?"

Kakuzu snarled out a swear.

"Why don't you come wait in the kitchen. Have a beer to loosen you up, I'll figure out some way to get him to go back there when he takes a break. He so fucking wasted, I mean,  _I'm wasted_ , and he's probably had more to drink than anyone at this party. Eventually he's going to pass out or throw up or  _something._ "

Kakuzu pinched the bridge of his nose. He's here for five seconds and he already has a raging headache. "Fine." He said roughly, "I'll meet you at the back entrance."

"Just come with me, maybe he'll see you and just follow us back there. You can do your thing and be on your way. Easy-peasey." He said, waving at his friend and swaying slightly in place.

Kakuzu glared at him, resisting the urge to unite the man's face with his fist. "No."

"Oh come on Kakuzu. Everyone knows he works for you, they'll just think you're stopping by. I'm not telling you to get out there and shake your crotchety old ass or anything."

"Oh for the love of-FINE! Let's go!" He shouted slightly louder than necessary. Kisame didn't seem to mind though, he only smiled and turned around to lead the way.

Kakuzu took deep breaths as they made the relativity short trek across the room, trying to keep himself calm, to not be so uselessly furious. It wasn't as if he'd been forced to come here, Kisame didn't have him tied down, he wasn't dragging him though the area. He was here 100% of his own free will, so really, he had no right to be mad. Except at himself, maybe.

He ventured his gaze enough to look out at the crowd of drunken body's making fools of themselves beneath the disco-esque lights flashing around the room. He couldn't seem to spot Hidan, despite Kisame saying he was at the front of the room, and gave up after meeting one too many peoples eyes, who looked back at him in interest, confusion, and various other emotions. Just before Kisame disappeared into the doorway to the kitchen, however, he caught the eyes of none other than Itachi Uchiha, leaning against the wall a distance away with some sort of drink in his hand.

_Probably keeping an eye on that idiotic roommate of his._

That was fine, he didn't care if the Uchiha boy saw him here. He could go tell Hidan and get the little moron to come back to where he could talk to him all the faster. But he didn't like the knowing smile he received from the man before he tipped his head in acknowledgement. He nodded back, so as not to seem as uncharacteristically anxious as he was, and followed Kisame finally into the kitchen.

The break from the throbbing volume of the music caught him off guard, and he paused for a moment, before growling and coming into the room further.

"Alright man, No one will come back here except me and Itachi, and maybe Hidan and that weird chick, but they're busy, so I guess you can chill for awhile. Can I get you anything to drink? Itachi went all out on that bar, we've got just about everything an alcoholic could ever wish for." He said, turning around and stumbling slightly before he caught himself. "Shit..." He mumbled, smiling sheepishly.

"Your liver is going to hate you in the morning..." Kakuzu said, rolling his eyes.

His friend only laughed. "I'll just go get you something, I'll keep you company until the kid turns up. He's pretty popular, you know. For being the way he is, he's actually pretty graceful on the dance floor, the girls are all over him. It's hilarious, he's almost gotten in three fights now, I've had to escort ten different people out."

The Doctor felt his eyes narrow, and he cursed and beat at himself inwardly, rage blooming within him for the fact that that bothered him so much. He almost asked how Hidan reacted to these girls, but managed to stop himself. He didn't care, he chided himself, he  _Did. Not. Care._

He was curious though, as for some reason that he found absolutely ridiculous, it had never occurred to him to wonder if Hidan were even straight or not. He attributed his lack of thought on the matter to the man's roommate. No one without an open mind could possibly live with that Uchiha. Right? Or maybe he was just so comfortable with his heterosexuality that it didn't bother him...

And Kisame would know if the kid was straight or not, right? Surely Itachi would have mentioned something to him, if he were sure to be shot down right away, his friend would have told him. The fact that Kisame hadn't even stopped to consider the brats sexuality was enough of a pointer...

_What the hell are you doing? Stop worrying. You don't care, remember?_

He was only here to get his peace of mind. That's it, then he would leave.

Kisame shuffled through the door, and came back in after a good twenty minutes had passed, followed, of course, by Itachi. He didn't bother to hide his sigh of disapproval, rude as it was, as the boy came in and pulled out a chair across from him, still wearing that sly smile.

Kisame set a glass down with ice in it, and a bottle of Scotch next to it, winking at Kakuzu when he glanced up at him. The elder only glared back, pouring his anger out through his eyes as he friend retreated from the room, abandoning him.

His very skin burned with rage as he turned to look at the Uchiha, regarding him in silence.

Of course, of fucking course. He should have known that buffoon couldn't keep his mouth shut. He'd gone and told the boy everything. He must have, why else would the boy just sit there smiling at him like that. As if he were aware of some secret he wasn't supposed to know.

Grinding his teeth, he angrily snatched up the bottle, twisting the sealed cap off with ease in his wrath. He filled his glass to the brim, slamming the bottle back onto the table and not hesitating to down half of it before meeting Itachi's eyes, willing the man to burst into flames.

"I'm so very glad you came, Doctor." Itachi finally said, breaking the heavy silence. Kakuzu did not reply, more for the fact that he was overflowing with anger, and couldn't bring himself to speak.

Itachi continued. "I know it doesn't seem like it, but you mean a lot to Hidan. He has very few people in his life that hold that meaning for him. He'll be very happy to know that you dropped by... Unless you plan on staying...?"

"I don't." He ground out, evoking a look of concern from the younger man.

"Are you upset, Doctor?"

"That's an understatement."

Itachi looked at him in true confusion now. "May I ask why?"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes, raising the glass to his lips and finishing it off. "Don't play games with me. I'm no fool. Kisame told you of my visit last night, didn't he?"

Itachi sighed deeply, looking at Kakuzu with a sort of pity that only angered the man further. "He only told me that you were there. I've no idea why, and I don't want you to tell me. That's strictly your business." He stated calmly.

Kakuzu's anger repressed itself a little bit at this, and he felt a little bit foolish now as well.

"But, if you'd like me to lay everything out on the table, I will." He said, pausing to reach across the table and grab the glass bottle. "Allow me." he said softly, refilling the man's glass.

"You're aware of my occupation, Doctor. And doing what I do, I have very keen skill of observation. It's always been a talent of mine to be able to accurately read people. Kisame did not have to say a word to me, seeing as Hidan has been keeping me informed." He gently set the bottle back down, returning to his previous position, regarding the man without trying to hide the fact that he was trying to 'read' him. "He told me you've been acting normally, but you looked as if perhaps you were sick, for months on end now. He was concerned for you, but not exactly sure how to confront you about it, seeing as you two don't seem to get along that well."

This took the Doctor completely off guard, and his remaining anger trickled almost entirely away. Hidan had noticed something like that about him, and been concerned enough to consult his roommate about it? The boy hadn't made any sort of comment or actions that would have suggested anything of the sort. Why this affected him so much, he wasn't sure. Why it bothered him that it affected him, he also wasn't sure of.

"Ever since the night you came to my apartment, it seems." He continued, folding his hands together, watching carefully as Kakuzu absently grabbed his glass and took another few swallows. Succumbing completely to his small desire to be slightly drunk. He didn't want to be sober, he had a harder time understanding things when he was older. If he were drunk, then maybe he could understand, maybe it would be like last night, he could admit to himself that he wanted the boy, wanted him enough to just grow a pair and 'make a move', as Kisame had instructed him.

That, and he'd forgotten how good Scotch was...

"Neither of us like to be underestimated, or lied to, so I'm going to tell you now, I'm perfectly aware of your attraction to Hidan. Please don't make that face at me, Doctor. You and Hidan both are so very transparent, despite your attempt to shield yourself from feeling emotion." He paused for a moment, studying the older man, as if watching the words sink into his head. After he seemed satisfied that they had, he continued. "I'm aware that it infuriates you, and I've assumed that you've been so stressed about it that you've been losing sleep because of it. " He said, holding up his hand when the elder opened his mouth to speak.

"I'm not going to tell a soul, Dr. Hoku. Please trust me. I just want you to know that I have absolutely no problems with the situation, except for the fact that you're suffering because of it. It worries me. I was not lying to you that night in the car. You are a good man, despite your desperate attempts to make the world believe otherwise. Which is why I'm so glad you came tonight. I shouldn't say this, as I  _have_  been drinking, and most likely it's impaired my judgement. But to save you any further trouble, I'm going to tell you this right now..." He paused, seeming to let the sentence drag out forever.

The music throbbed, seeming more distant than before, and the seconds passed. They turned into minutes, and Kakuzu's brow narrowed in irritation, wondering just how inebriated the boy really was, and if he'd forgotten completely what he was going to say. He grit his teeth together, refusing to give into whatever game he was playing and ask him to hurry up and come out with it. It wasn't as if he had anywhere else to be, they were waiting on Hidan, after all.

Finally he took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he did so and re-opening them slowly, a smile spreading across his lips. "Hidan likes you too."

Except for the muffled music coming from the other room, there was nothing but dead silence between the two.

Kakuzu was utterly speechless now. Not from anger, this time, but from the absolute shock of this statement. He was aware of his eyes widening in his disbelief, but could do nothing to stop them. His breath caught in his lungs, which refused to work properly all the sudden. His heart pounded so loudly inside his chest suddenly, he feared the Uchiha might be able to actually hear it there across the table from him.

_Hidan liked him._

He wasn't going to do something so stupid as to further question that statement. He was well aware of the context Itachi was using it in. And it wasn't even so much that information that made his blood run cold.

 _What would he do now_? That was the terrifying question that floated around his eerily thoughtless mind.

Half of him, despite all that he'd been through, had hoped that his feelings weren't returned. That all those blushes he'd seen from his employee had been to something else unrelated. But now that he knew, it was clear to him, as it really should have been at the time.

Every time he was caught staring at the boy, every time he came too close, Hidan had looked as if he were about to jump out of his skin. He always scrambled frantically to get away from him, rarely looked him in the eyes for more than a millisecond. How could he have been so blind? He'd dated before, many of his patients did the same with him, all of them female though. Perhaps it was just the fact that Hidan was a man that had made him less suspicious. Even with his sexual preferences as they were, men were still a whole different matter, he didn't really expect them to act that way.

"I really would like you to at the very least wish him a happy birthday. It would mean the world to him, despite how he might react, I can assure you of that. Whether you choose to talk to him about this predicament you find yourself in is up to you. He is heavily inebriated, which may be a good or bad thing, depending on what you decide to do. He may or may not remember the conversation in the morning. There's no way to tell." He explained with a wry smile at Kakuzu's silence.

Kakuzu tried to control his breathing, trying to remain rational and calm despite the infuriating panic leaking into him. With very little consideration, he reached out, downing the rest of the near-full glass of liquor. Itachi's smile only grew, and he reached across the table to refill his drink again. The Doctor let him, now absolutely positive that he'd need to be not-sober to get through the rest of this evening.

"All that I ask of you is that you don't immediately leave until he knows you came. Even if you decide not to even wish him happiness. His birthday isn't actually until Monday, anyway. So I suppose it's not pertinent at the moment. I really just want this party to be complete. You're the only person on my list of people who must be present that he hasn't met with."

Still silent, Kakuzu looked up to regard him, trying to sort through the flurry of emotions within him. He didn't like it, he didn't but he did. His stomach was warmed from the alcohol, but his entire body was warmed from the thought that Hidan had mutual affections for him.

It was hard to wrap his head around, at the same time, now that it had been confirmed. Why on earth would that idiot like  _him?_  If Hidan was so desirable, surely he could easily find someone else, someone that made more sense. Why Kakuzu, of all the people in this world? He'd only briefly stopped to consider this a few times before. More as a means to try and talk himself out of it. Surely Hidan, as young as he was, with so much opportunity ahead of him in his lifetime, would never feel anything for an old man like him, set in his ways, content to continue in his current lifestyle for the rest of his days.

And it worked both ways, Kakuzu was a successful doctor. It didn't make any sense at all for him to feel this way about someone so incredibly much younger than him, someone with the history and temperament Hidan has. The boy was his absolute opposite, as he repeatedly pointed out to himself and everyone else. Kisame seemed to think they were more similar than it appeared, but really, he couldn't see it. The boy was undisciplined, disrespectful of everyone around him, he had no life-experience because he'd had yet to actually grow up and take care of himself. He'd been in and out of institutions his whole life, making it this far only because he'd always been told what to do. As soon as he'd been reduced to making his own choices, he did something that got him locked back up in a place where he could receive instruction again. He was still practically a child, for fuck's sake!

_But he's just so..._

He tried to finish the thought, surprised that he could find no words to describe it. Usually it wasn't hard at all. He was an idiot. A brat. An insolent little twerp. And annoying little gnat. A hyperactive, brainless man-child. But he didn't like any of those, at the moment. Nothing fit him in this moment. It irritated him, knowing that inexplicably, just because he was aware of the mutual crush between them now, it almost felt irrationally rude for him to even think such things about the boy.

He closed his eyes tightly, massaging them with a free hand while the other wrapped around his drink again, bringing it to his lips when his other hand moved away from his face.

"I know you think me too young to have any sort of knowledge on the subject, doctor. But I like to think that Hidan finds comfort in conversing with me about it. Perhaps you'd like to share your thoughts?"

He glared at the boy, wanting to tell him off. Wanting to take his frustration out on him in the worst for of verbal abuse he could muster. But he was aware that the Uchiha would likely only get offended, and put him back in check, just as he had done the very first time they'd met, as well as at the apartment. Instead he told him; "I'm not naive enough to admit that you're wise beyond your years, Mister Uchiha. But there are still many things in this world that you are ignorant of. I know plenty about where your ideals lie, and that despite how you act, you're still a slave to your emotions."

"Don't insult me so, doctor." Itachi said back quickly. "I'm just as capable as logical thought as you aware. I'm aware of how delicate the situation is. But considering all the factors of it, it's obvious to both of us that you cannot simply continue to ignore it. Really, I think it's rather childish of you to even consider such a thing."

"Watch your mouth, boy." Kakuzu growled. "I wouldn't be here if I intended to let things continue this way."

"So you're going to have a chat with him then?"

"That was the intention..." he said, trailing off to take another long drink from the glass.

"You seem as if you're not so sure now."

"Of course I'm not." He snapped. "You said you're aware of what's going on, and what might happen. How am I supposed to simply approach him knowing he's not in control of his thoughts and actions at the moment? Since you've revealed that he has affections for me, what hope is there that what needs to happen will end up happening?"

Itachi tapped on his chin in thought. "So you  _want_  him to reject you, then."

"That would be the best course of action, yes. There is far too much at risk for anything else to come of it." He took another drink, draining the glass once more.

Itachi noticed this, and stared at him in that sympathetic way once more. "You were young once, doctor..." He said softly, making Kakuzu narrow his eyes. "I'd like to think at one point you craved this sort of thing. I don't think you ever achieved that, I don't think you would be this way if you had."

With that, he pushed himself up from the table, ending the conversation before it could be dragged on any farther. "I urge you to talk with him about it, and decide only after you've heard his opinion on the matter. You gave him the chance to prove himself once before, and I don't believe he's let you down. You think too little of him still, though. I hope you'll give him another opportunity to convince you otherwise."

The two stared at each other in silence, Kakuzu's glare fading slowly as they did. Itachi straightened himself up, brushed himself off as if dismissing the matter, and turned to head back out to the party. "I need to get back to supervising. Kisame is drunk, as I'm sure you realized, and he's easily distracted as it is. I'll send Hidan in whenever I can catch him."

Kakuzu grunted just as the Uchiha's hand placed itself on the knob, and at that very moment, the music suddenly died away, replaced by the metallic screeching of a microphone.

The Doctor looked up just as Itachi turned around, his brow creased, looking at Kakuzu as if he would have some idea at what was going on.

"Alright you bunch of drunk bitches!" A woman's voice boomed over the microphone.

Itachi sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm starting to regret inviting her." He sighed, before the woman continued.

"Our party boy here has volunteered to do the first karaoke performance!"

 _"THE FUCK IF I DID!"_  Hidan's voice shouted, far quieter seeing as he didn't have the microphone. Kakuzu's brows rose at the sound, and more on impulse than anything else, he stood up and moved next to Itachi, who opened the door.

"You hear that? Now he's trying to back out! That's un-fucking-acceptable isn't it!?" The woman yelled, some girl with hot-pink hair and a ridiculous hat on.

The crowd responded with anger and boo's, followed by encouragement and whistles, or Kakuzu's surprise. Perhaps Kisame wasn't blowing smoke out his ass when he mentioned the albino idiots popularity.

"I'm putting you on the spot fucker!" She said, turning to the side and pointing to behind the DJ setup where the elder man assumed Hidan must be. "Get the fuck out here, don't be a little bitch!" She shouted, whirling back. "I promise ladies, he's got the voice of an angel. A pitiful, half-retarded angel."

A few more high-pitched screams emitted from the people gathered around, several drinks were held in the air as some ridiculous show of support.

She laughed, moving over to the stage, and finally Kakuzu got to see his employee as she dragged him out into the limelight. he looked like he was at some sort of crossroads between pissed off and extremely flattered. But that wasn't what the Doctor noticed first.

He looked almost exactly as he'd imagined him. He was wearing torn-up jeans, his shirt was off, that shimmering crucifix was still around his neck. His hair wasn't gelled as it always was when he came to work, thoroughly mussed and glistening with what he could only assume was perspiration.

He gave a crooked smile to the crowd, making something in Kakuzu's stomach tighten as the females in the audience went temporarily insane.

"You have to get used to this anyways, right?" Tayuya said to him, though still speaking in the microphone. "What better practice than at your own party? They can't say shit if you suck, cause I'll beat the shit out of anyone who does!" She almost snarled the last part, giving a strangely frightening glare to the party-goers. Then she turned back to Hidan, "But I know you won't, Cause I've heard you. So, grow a pair and take this!" She said, the last part going almost unheard as she removed the microphone from in front of her own mouth to slap it in Hidan's hand.

Movement beside Kakuzu pulled his attention away from the boy on stage to the boy next to him, who was gesturing with a smile for him to go watch the event outside of the kitchen. At this point, the Doctor was starting to feel the effects of consuming so much alcohol so quickly, and despite the thought flitting through his head that he definitely should not do this, he stepped out, moving over to the wall beside Kisame, who gave him an ear-to-ear grin, giving him a playful smack on the shoulder before crossing his arms and returning his attention to the makeshift stage.

"Well fuck..." Hidan said into the microphone. "You fuckers better not record this shit and put it on fucking Youtube*. Seriously. I'll hunt down each and every one of you..."

"He's being shy..." Itachi chuckled, probably more to himself, the Doctor thought. "How adorable..."

 _Adorable indeed..._  Kakuzu admitted down in the very deep, dark, recesses of his mind. He could admit, he was intrigued. He'd heard Hidan singing songs under his breath, and admitted to himself at that time that the boy wasn't bad. Now he was going to sing out-loud in his true voice, and the older man was annoyed to find a strange twinge of excitement in his being.

"It's Bastille's  **Pompeii*** , Hida! " The woman's voice shouted from beside the DJ. "This song reminds me of you, so I'm making you sing it."

"Oh fuck." He laughed in return. "Start me out with a fucking hard one..."

"Just shut up and sing!" She shouted back, just before the music started.

Kakuzu listened to the opening, his face twisting in confusion as some sort of melodic chanting came out over the speakers. He wasn't aware if he'd ever heard this one or not, he didn't recognize the name, but he couldn't get himself to look away from his employee, fidgeting nervously on stage.

"He's so fucking drunk..." Kisame laughed beside him. "He's gonna be pissed in the morning that we let him do this..."

"Most likely." Itachi said back, smiling deviously. "But Tayuya's right, he has to get used to it anyway. And I can't help but enjoy seeing him actually be embarrassed about something."

" _I was leeft, to my oowwn devi-i-i-ices... Many daaays, fell awaay, with nothing to sho-ow..."_ Hidan's voice started, striking them all into absolute silence. Kakuzu himself suddenly found that he couldn't breathe as he watched the man glance nervously around the awe-struck crowd.

_"And the walls kept tumbling dooown on this city that we lo-o-o-o-ove. Great clouds rolled over the hills bringing darkness from abo-o-o-o-ove!"_

Kakuzu felt his body go a little bit slack, and he leaned against the wall to hide it from anyone who might be paying attention. No one was, though, every single person in the room was engrossed in Hidan's unique voice in their drunken stupor. Except for the music, there was only dead silence.

_"But if you close your eyes..."_

He had a sort of rough, scratchy sound, but the quake of the bravado, the slight hitch he added in every so often, jumping a note higher and then back to the original, it was mesmerizing. He was no superstar, but Kakuzu was entranced all the same.

_"Does it aaalmost feel like, noooothing changed at aaall? And if you clo-ose you're e-e-eyes, does it aaalmost feel like, youuu've been here befo-ooore? Oh how am I gonna be am optimist about this? How am I gonna be an optimist about thiiiss?"_

It wasn't even just his voice either. The expression Hidan made, as if he were almost in pain while he poured emotion into the words. This song meant something to him, just like every single one he'd sang to himself while working at the clinic. Kakuzu was always, always surprised at the similarity between these words, written by strangers, people Hidan never knew and never would know. How they aligned so perfectly with the albino's thoughts and feelings. It really was a sort of escape, he rationalized now. Knowing that someone out there was feeling the same things he was, someone could direct their thoughts in such a way as to put them on paper, give them a tune, and spread them around the world for others to enjoy.

_"We were caaaught up, and left in aaall our vi-i-i-ices. In your pooose, as the duuuust, settles... all around us... And the walls kept, tumbling dooown, on the city that we lo-o-o-o-ove!"_

It was at this point that all the women in the crowd snapped out of their delirium and started screaming, jumping up and down as the music went back to the chorus, somehow happy and energizing though the lyrics were actually somewhat dark. Hidan responded immediately, seeming to get over his anxiety in that moment, his voice coming out louder and somehow even better than before as he smiled and started moving around. On the side of the stage, the woman, Tayuya, Itachi had called her, was jumping up and down throwing her hands in the air and whistling madly.

 _"Great_ clouds _rolled over THE hills, bringing darkness from abo-o-o-o-ove!"_  Hidan sang loudly, pouring even more of himself into the song than before. Kakuzu had to force air into his lungs, saying a silent prayer that Itachi and Kisame would continue being distracted by the man on stage, as he had no idea what sort of expression he was making at the moment.

The crowd started singing along with the chorus as Hidan repeated it with immense energy and a giant smile. And Kakuzu was disturbed to realize that he thought, maybe he was smiling too, seeing Hidan act that way. It was similar to the time he'd received his first paycheck, to the older man. he'd been so excited, unable to contain his energy, and even though this situation wasn't calm at all, the albino seemed to be much more peaceful.

Maybe it was the alcohol, as he was certainly feeling much less tense than earlier, much more open. Or maybe it was just the circumstance, but the attraction he'd felt for the man doubled in its intensity. The restraint he'd felt before dwindled, and in that moment, he made the decision to take Kisame's advice, to 'make a move'.

He would wait, obviously, until the song was over and Itachi or Kisame would attract the man's attention long enough to bring him back where they would have privacy. But he was surprised at this tightness in his chest, and the realization that maybe this was what Kisame had been trying to describe to him. The way the ocean-loving man felt every time he set eyes upon the Uchiha.

And to his displeasure and pleasure alike, he realized that he liked it.

He liked it a lot.

The music slowed down, bringing his attention back to the stage after the chorus had been repeated what seemed to him far more times than necessary. Hidan stood calmly on the small stage, looking out around the crowd, his eyes flicking to each face, the smile he wore before gone as if he were about to say something serious.

_"Oh... Where do we begiiin?"_

He sang softly, his eyes alighting on Kakuzu at that exact moment. The older man made no outward reaction, but it felt as if someone had plunged their hand into his chest and was squeezing at his life-organ with all their might.

_"The ruuubble or our sins? Oh~Oooh, Where do we begi-i-i-in? The rubble or our sins...?"_

The gaze parted, and the smile returned to his face as there was a slight pause, he started bouncing around the stage again.

_"And the walls kept tumbling down, in the city that we lo-o-o-o-ove!"_

Kakuzu finally recovered from the strange feeling, anger bursting into him for a lack of any other emotion that he could properly process. He turned on heel and stalked back into the kitchen, ignoring the questioning stare of the younger Uchiha as he did.

_"Great clouds roll over the hill, bringing darkness from abo-o-o-o-ove!"_

He growled under his breath. He could still hear him. Damn that brat, damn him. He'd seen him standing there, he knew Hidan saw him. But he didn't even react, no happiness, no shock, no anything. Surely if he was drunk, if he really did like him  _that way_  he would have done  _something._

_"But if you close your Eeeyyyeeess! Does it A~LMOST feel like, NOTHING changed at aaaaallll" And if you clo-ose you're ey-eyes, does it ALMOST fee-ee-heel like YOU'VE BEEN HERE BEFOOORE!?"_

He stopped just before sitting back down where he had been previously, hand outstretched to grab the bottle. That idiot was singing even harder now, if that was an appropriate expression, putting even more emotion into his singing, if that were even possible.

It didn't mean anything, did it? Was that because he'd seen the Doctor standing there? Was it because he noticed him missing now? Was he trying to get his attention?

Or was he just showing off, was it some sort of finale?

_"How am I gonna be an optimist about this? How am I gonna be an optimist about this?"_

He couldn't agree more with that question.

Gritting his teeth, he filled his glass one more time as the song finished up, with one more repeat of the chorus, ending yet again in the musical chanting that started at the beginning and pretty well continued through most of it. He didn't really like the song that much, not with all those dramatic intrusions. Personally he would have thought something more simple would be more impressive, if Hidan had played his guitar and sang it, maybe in a lower key and in a calmer way...

Bah, what the hell was he doing talking as if he knew anything at all about music? That idiot was even getting him interested in things that had never crossed his mind before!

When will it end!?

The entirety of the liquid dissipated in one fell swoop as he raised it to his lips, slamming it back down when he was done.

Bloody hell, what was he doing? Why was he still here? Why didn't he leave right now? he could, there was no one to stop him from walking right out that door just across the room from him.

"FUCK YEAH!" The woman from before shrieked into the microphone, making him flinch and then snarl in anger.

"Holy shit Hida, YEAH! You even blew me away! I'd say he could make it in Hollywood. Alright fuckers, who wants the humiliation of trying to live up to that fucking performance eh? Make a line." She said.

Kakuzu nearly collapsed into his seat, ignoring her, or trying to. She had a very annoying voice, and with that shouting. Good God, she was worse than Hidan, something he hadn't thought possible.

"I SAID MAKE A FUCKING LINE!" She screeched, enforcing his observation and making him halfway roll his eyes.

He stared at the EXIT sign above the door, thoughts flitting through his slightly drunken mind. This was his last chance to leave. His last chance to flee.

His eyes narrowed. Nonsense... Kakuzu Hoku did not run away, certainly not from the likes of Hidan San. Why was he even contemplating this? Because of some  _uncomfortable emotions?_  Bullshit. What the hell was wrong with him? He should be ashamed of himself, acting like such a spineless, childish, immature little... Well... He should be ashamed.

And he was.

He was also suddenly determined, probably due to the alcohol, but who gives a damn. He'd had enough, far more than enough. It was bad enough that he'd let it drag on this long. He pushed him up from his chair again.

He was Kakuzu Hoku, Dammit. Where the hell did he get off acting  _self-conscious?_  Being un- _confident,_  unsure? It was disgusting, repulsive. Forget what the town thinks, forget what his clients think, he would not be changed. He'd always been a man who had no problem going to any means to get what he wanted. He didn't need sympathy or understand, he didn't need delicate conversations by a boy more than half his age, he didn't need that brainless idiot Kisame to console him, he wasn't a child, he didn't need to act or be treated like one.

He smirked to himself. There we go,  _thank you alcohol._  That was the clarity he'd wanted all along. That was the re-assurement he'd been craving, not Itachi's not Kisame's not even Hidan's. He wanted his own.

The doorknob turned violently and the door flew open, releasing the terrible sound of some party-goer doing a terrible job of singing an even more terrible song. It was hard to pay any mind though, seeing as there was the creator of this entire mess, standing there in the doorway, glaring at him as if the doctor were the one that had done something wrong.

"You." Hidan said, stepping in and shutting the door quickly behind him.

"Me." Kakuzu clarified, putting his hands in his pockets.

The pale man was unaffected by his sarcasm, stomping up to him, though running a hand along the counter to steady himself, which slightly weakened the threat he was trying to put off.

"What in the fucking fuck of all fucks are you doing here?" He said, coming unreasonably close to Kakuzu, and glaring up at him, as if he were about to challenge him to a fight.

"Your vocabulary is impressive." He said back, not moving away despite the smell of sweat and liquor stinging his nostrils.

"This is the best fucking night of my life." Hidan snapped, ignoring that comment as well and somewhat impressing the older man. He was incredibly upset about his presence, wasn't he?

"You can't fucking show up and ruin it! If you think I'll let you do that, you're a bigger dumbass than I thought." He continued in a slur that surprisingly didn't make the elder man take him any less seriously, pointing a finger a mere inch from his face. "So tell me happy birthday like a good fucking boss should, and get the hell out."

"I don't recall signing anything that permits you to order me around."

"We're not on your time right now. I ain't your fucking employee."

"Then why do you want me to act like your boss?" He said, raising a brow, amused, despite himself.

It only increased when Hidan's face tinted and his own silver brows dropped in anger. "Shut the fuck up and say it!"

"But it's not your birthday."

"I don't care. Say it."

"Why do you want me me to wish you a happy birthday so badly?"

Hidan smiled then, leaning back and crossing his arms across his chest. "Hah, I'm counting that, seeing as it's probably the best I'll get."

Kakuzu was confused for only a second,  _damn alcohol,_  then realized what he'd just done. But instead of anger, he almost felt the need to laugh. He managed to smother it, and simply remained impassive.

"Well? Get the fuck out." The younger said, nodding toward the door before his eyes alighted on the alcohol bottle. Then his face twisted in another scowl. "What the fuck? You can't have that shit, that's only for fucking party guests."

"And who says I'm not a guest? Your roommate was the one who offered it to me. Even poured it."

"What? Liar."

"I do  _not_  lie."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

"So then tell me why you came. You don't fucking like me. So what are you doing here?" He said, uncrossing his arms to lean against the counter, apparently unable to stand freely any longer.

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes, remaining silent. Well, this was it. This was the time. He needed to do something, or say something. Anything... anything at all.

"Well?"

What was there to say? What could he possibly do? He was determined to make something happen, but how the fuck was he supposed to go about it? It's not like he could just blurt it out.  _'Hidan, I like you. I like, like you'_ Please, he'd rather jump off a cliff.

"Your little show was... decent." He said stupidly, wishing he had a knife so he could shove it through his skull.

"Of course it was. I'm fucking awesome. I bet you didn't know so many people fucking loved me huh?" He said, smirking, not seeming to notice the subject change.  _Thank you alcohol._

"I was not aware, no."

"Bet you feel like a prick for treating me like shit all the time huh?"

"Not really."

"Well you should. Look how loved I am! Everyone loves me... everyone." He said, gesturing to the door where he'd come in from, his voice falling soft at the last bit. "You should feel like shit."

"Why?" He asked simply.

Hidan scoffed, though it was with less anger than he'd had in the beginning. "What do you mean,  _why?_  Because... because you should!"

"Are you trying to make some sort of point here, Hidan?"

"Don't talk to me like I'm stupid! Just 'cos I'm drunk doesn't mean I don't know what I'm saying."

"Well I certainly have no idea what you're saying."

"You fucking asshole!" He shouted then, making Kakuzu's brow raise in mock surprise. "What the fuck? How fucking stupid are you? Jesus fucking God in heaven, do I need to write it down in nice big words so you can understand?"

"Clearly. Because you're so much more intelligent than I."

"WHY DON'T YOU LIKE ME!?" He shouted, eyes shimmering with tears that didn't fall, to Kakuzu's great satisfaction. If the boy started crying, he'd be forced to end this ridiculous situation by punching him in his infuriating face and walking away.

This was interesting though. He hadn't had to do anything, Hidan, in all his drunken frenzy, had done it himself.  _You oblivious fool._

"You're the only goddamn person. The only fucking person I've ever met that's done this shit."

Kakuzu snorted sarcastically, his ego inflated and his confidence boosted by the turn of events. "The only person to not like you? I highly doubt that."

"No, you fucking ass. The only person that I  _wanted_ to like me. The only person who's opinion if gave a shit about."

"You don't care for your roommates opinion?"

"No... Well yes. But that's not what I mean. Don't be stupid." He said. Then, much softer. "Don't make me say it..."

Kakuzu studied him, his determined yet defeated eyes, that damned peony-magenta cross that settled in his iris'. How quickly this had progressed, how easy the moron had made it for him. He desperately beat back the alarm bells in his head, that damn conscious of his, always telling him what to do. He'd listen to it all his life, his gut feelings, his rational side. And where had it gotten him? He was a 46 year old man, with a business that was successful, but not successful enough to go anywhere. He would be doing what he was doing until he died of old age.

And alone, he would die alone, if he kept listening to that logical half of his mind. Because it told him relationships weren't worth the time, or the energy. All he needed was money. Money was happiness.

Right, then why was he such a miserable, grumpy old man?

He didn't want to listen. He was Kakuzu Hoku, he didn't take anyone's advice. He did what he wanted. He did not have regrets, he did not make mistakes. And when he did, he just forced them to not be mistakes, to be intentional. Because there was no time for regrets or mourning over mistakes.

 

_Four years away from half your life being memories._

 

_"Oh, where do we begin? The rubble, or our sins?"_

 

_Hidan likes you too._

 

_"Oh where do we begin? The rubble or our sins?"_

 

"Hidan." He finally said. The pale man looked wearily up at him, as if already knowing what he's going to say.

"You have one chance. I don't believe Mister Uchiha will be letting you drink again anywhere in the near future."

Hidan's face shifted to suspicion now, eyes glazed, the words not seeming to quite reach their destination in his liquor-drowned brain.

"If you wish to do something stupid and impulsive, do it now. Or else hold your tongue for the rest of your miserable little life."

It finally seemed to click on that one, as those pigment-less eyes widened to dangerous proportions. The silence between them dragged on as he looked back and forth between Kakuzu's eyes, as if unsure he'd actually heard what he did. He clenched and un-clenched his fists, standing half-tense, lips parted as he fought desperately to make a decision.

The Doctor watched all this, growing impatient. He scowled at the boy.

Fuck it. Fuck everything. Everything and everyone. He'd deal with any consequences later, if any poor soul had the misfortune of trying to give him one.

"You idiot..." He growled, stepping forward to close the distance between them. Hidan raised his hands as if about to defend himself, so instead of grabbing his upper arms, as he meant to, Kakuzu's hands gripped themselves around his rib cage. He lifted him slightly, Hidan's own hands coming down to wrap around Kakuzu's biceps, and finally,  _finally_...

Their lips met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pence* - A name I made up. In the context he was referring to the last Mental health institution/drug rehab center he'd been locked away in.
> 
> Spiders*- A song by System of a Down, in case you didn't catch that in the other chapter where it was mentioned.
> 
> Pompeii; Bastille -The song Hidan performed. If you haven't listened to it yet, go listen right goddamn now. Fucking love that song.
> 
> Cheetos* - Theyre junkfood and shit like that. I don't own.
> 
> Did I miss any this time?
> 
> Probably.


	15. Chapter 15

_Holy shit..._

The first kiss wasn't all that glamorous, by any standards. After all, it was two men, both used to being in the position of dominance. Two men, awkwardly embracing, and more than just a little drunk.

The first kiss was little more than their mouths smashing against each other.

But that was okay, Hidan thought. He didn't mind so much. He couldn't mind if he wanted to, seeing as at the moment he felt like he was literally going to pass out from the severe shock of what was happening.

_Holy fucking shit..._

They both had their eyes open, making the strange situation all the stranger. But His boss didn't seem to mind either. Their gaze locked on each other, waiting for some sort of sign as to whether it should continue or end here, neither able to give that sign due to the feeling of expansion in their chest, that if they moved or drew in a single breathe, they'd both explode and take the entirety of the world with them.

At least that's what Hidan could gather, seeing as Kakuzu had much the same look in his slightly wide, bloodshot eyes as the pale man was feeling.

_He's... He's... I'm... We're..._

He'd been put back down, their lips had parted, though Hidan's remained slightly open as he stared up at the older man in wonder, the confusion already working it's way out of his mind as his alcohol-drowned brain decided it didn't care what the reasoning was behind it.

His tongue came out to run across them, tasting scotch... Scotch and Kakuzu.

It was good, he thought. He'd like to taste more.

_Kissing... kissed. He kissed... me. He actually just fucking kissed me..._

He tried to will himself to move, seeing the shift in the older man's eyes as he seemed to submerge back into reality as well. If he didn't react soon, or do something, he would likely walk away, never to speak of the moment again.

Hidan was so far beyond drunk, he knew this much, the edges of his vision were fuzzy, he was still having trouble standing upright of his own strength, but his head was buzzing in clarity. If only the damn shock would wear off.

_Move, legs... arms, mouth. Anything, something, just move!_

He managed to draw in a breathe, but at the same time, his employer took a step back, those crazy, wonderful eyes staring into his own for a moment before they were torn away, to Hidan's dissatisfaction.

Damn, He was going to leave.

Fuck.

Shit.

Do something!

_How about next time he does something nice, instead of insulting him because you're embarrassed,_ _**thank him.** _

"Th-thank you!" He forced out, wincing when it sounded somewhat frantic. It  _was_  frantic though, as the elder man had just begun to turn around. He hesitated now, turning back to his employee with a questioning brow raised, remaining silent.

"Thank you..." Hidan breathed again, still at a loss as for anything else to do or say.  _Just don't go. Please don't go._

"For what?" He finally grated out, his voice sounding slightly deeper than usual, sending a small shiver up Hidan's spine.

_Fuck. Holy shit. This is insane._

But he liked insanity. It made more sense than reality, after all.

"For... for coming... I guess..." He said, shrugging slightly.

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes at him suspiciously. "You guess?"

Hidan fidgeted nervously, wringing his hands, somewhat happy that he had control over his body again, somewhat pissed off that the moment had passed and now he had no idea what to do, except keep the man from leaving. He wasn't sure why, he just didn't want him to, this weird pain in his chest might smother him if the man left. He didn't know how, or why, but he knew it would.

"Well... You still didn't tell me happy birthday..." He mumbled out, wincing as he executed an extremely powerful mental kick to himself.

_What the fuck are you doing!? Don't piss him off!_

The older man said nothing for awhile, instead he closed the distance between them again, Hidan's naked upper chest only half a millimeter away from touching Kakuzu's fully clothed one.

The man reached out to the younger, making his insides erupt into an inferno, while outwardly he only stiffened slightly, managing to smother the choked sound that almost slipped from him as Kakuzu's strangely soft hands momentarily brushed his skin when he fixed some sort of kink on the chain of his necklace.

"It's not your birthday." He said lowly, dropping his hands.

"It feels like it." Hidan muttered back without thinking, having raised his head to look back up in the man's eyes. He tipped his head slightly, still feeling as if maybe this situation weren't real. The alcohol numbing him really made it feel more like an out-of-body-experience. "You like me." He said, though not in a question. "You actually do..."

Kakuzu didn't respond, only stared back at him, as unreadable as ever. Hidan didn't mind though, he found himself strangely comfortable with just standing here like this all night, looking at him. "Itachi thought you did. But I didn't believe him, because it didn't make sense... because why would someone like you... like me?"

"I've been wondering the same thing..." Kakuzu said lowly, almost quietly, his stance rigid and features expressionless.

Pigment-less eyes widened, thoughts flashed through his head, all of them far too fast to capture before they were gone. He blinked, unable to close his eyes to a natural width, despite them starting to sting from being held open so far for so long.

"Tell me happy birthday." He finally said, not really knowing why.

Kakuzu's stare shifted into a half-glare, almost as a way to roll his eyes without having to look away. He stood silent, the thoughts going through his mind just as mysterious to Hidan as always. Normally he would get angry, when the man did this kind of thing, acting all stoic, as if he were so much better than the rest of humanity. But at the moment his drunken mind found it sort of... endearing.

"Happy birthday... Hidan."

He smiled at the words, not a smirk or a grin, but an actual smile. It seemed to catch the elder by slight surprise, judging by the way his brows went up in interest, and his eyes moved down to Hidan's mouth.

That tightness in his chest wound tighter, almost physically paining him, almost making him collapse to the floor. "Okay." He said instead, as if agreeing with an order given to him.

The Christmas-ey eyes flicked back up to his pink. "Okay?"

Hidan nodded. "Okay."

Before Kakuzu could pull away, before that pain in his torso could get any worse, before any more words could be said, he pushed up to his tiptoes, somewhat hesitantly put his hands on the taller mans chest, and gave him another kiss, lingering there for a moment to make it more than just a shy little peck, waging war on the disgusting blush he felt trying to creep across him.

He wasn't a girl, damn it.

Finally the man showed some emotion, eyes widening as he gazed down at Hidan, hands still on his chest, body now pressed lightly against his. He couldn't resist giving the man a small smirk for it either. He deserved it, taking him off guard with some random bullshit kiss. It's a good thing the zealot wasn't some sort of sappy romanticist* or he'd probably be pissed at the fucker right now, being so un-smooth like that.

The shock was wearing off now, all the previous feelings of uncertainty in his infatuation for the elder man almost seemed to have been washed away with that first act of affection. All that was left now was their mutual attraction hanging there wide on the table, and Hidan's drunken inability to continue controlling himself.

It wasn't wierd anymore, was it? Kakuzu initiated it, after all. At least that's what he reasoned, seeing as his inebriation kept him from recalling the small detail that he was actually the one that had pronounced his feelings in a haphazard sort of way. Kakuzu had pounced on him, for all he knew at this point. But he wasn't bothered by it, how the fuck could he be!? After months and months of stealing secret glances at the man, shaking himself from secret daydreams, slapping sense into himself. Even just last night, sitting there talking with Itachi, these uncontrollable emotions driving him insane, the raging  _want_  for the man eating away at him, driving him to desperation for some sort of narcotic to free him from the torment, if only for one measly night.

And here he was, ready and willing. How the fuck could he pass it up?

He smiled, pushing up to the balls of his feet again. This time Kakuzu actually responded, evoking a low half-growl of interest from the younger as he suddenly became aggressive. The one tanned hand moved up to the back of his neck, the other gripping again at his rib cage as he simultaneously pulled Hidan toward him, but pushed the two of them as one object back until they hit the counter. Their lips crushed together again, but this time with less of the awkwardness and more desire and scarcely retained lust. And this time they didn't come apart for a long while.

Hidan let his eyes close now, as the room was spinning from he-didn't-even-know-which-to-blame, Kakuzu or the alcohol. And he found that this action only intensified everything.

He felt like he'd burst into flames, as if his chest had finally been unable to hold all the pressure inside, as if a hole had torn and everything was leaking out, lighting a fire at his feet that enveloped them both.

He realized with a start, as his tongue slipped out of his own mouth and ventured into Kakuzu's, that he was moaning lowly every so often, reveling in this wonderful burn he felt down to his very core. He only put a very small amount of energy and thought toward stopping himself, abandoning the notion after awhile. He couldn't help it, the taste of his boss was so invigorating, sweet and bitter at the same time, sort of like his personality, he reasoned. Far better than anything he could have imagined. And the scotch only helped, enhancing the taste with Hidan's beloved alcohol, aged to perfection.

_Just like Kakuzu, hah._

If they even aged Scotch... maybe that was just wine. He didn't know much about it, fuck, it was far too much of a fancy, 'old man' drink for him to enjoy anyway.

All he knew is that it was a perfect addition to the man's taste and breath alike. So very 'Kakuzu'.

His hands explored, given free reign as his mind focused completely on the two's mouths. They slid underneath the elders open duster, across his ribs, then stopping to change direction. They slid down now, not stopping until they felt the edge of the man's trousers, tracing along the fabric for a few lasting moments.

Kakuzu pressed himself harder into the younger man, his fingers somewhat clawing into Hidan's exposed upper back. That was okay, in fact, that was perfect, given the small gasp that his body took in without his permission. The elder seemed to make a note of it, as distracted as he was. His hands, suddenly not quite as soft as Hidan had noted just earlier, trailed down his skin, both of them coming to a stop at his waist. He pulled Hidan toward him, pressing into him again, grinding hips and groins alike.

Another guttural moan from the younger, just before his own mouth was assaulted by his boss's tongue. Previous to that he'd been the one doing all the oral exploration, but now was put back into his place by the doctor, pushing against him hungrily.

_Holy fuck..._

His hands slipped under the mans shirt, tentatively slipping underneath onto the coffee-colored skin.

_This is..._

Kakuzu didn't seem to even notice, and so he moved his hands upward, pulling the fabric up with him. He had the chance now, as the doctor had said. He didn't let the thought creep into his mind about what would happen next, he didn't let himself worry about if this would ever happen again, or if it was just some one time thing. He just focused on the intense pleasure vibrating through every inch of him, as if alive despite being nothing but energy. He would do whatever he wanted now, satisfy his curiosity, and worry about everything else later.

It was his party, after all. He'd molest his boss if he wanted to.

_This is fucking hot._

Hah, making out with his boss. His boss the doctor. Dr. Hoku.

 _Oh God..._   _he's_ really _fucking good at this..._

The doctor's hands ran softly up his side, making him stiffen against a shiver, feeling goosebumps prickled across his skin, feeling the moan vibrate his throat but not really hearing it come out as Kakuzu pushed against him even harder. He pushed back, realizing he was being completely dominated, though that wasn't the part that made him resist it. It was the fact that he was in front of a fucking counter and not against a wall, he had nothing for his back to press against, if he didn't push back the older man may very well climb on top of him.

_Maybe that would be too much... maybe..._

He received an aroused grunt for his efforts, making him let out a heavy breath in victory. His hands continued sliding up the front of the older man, beneath his shirt. Oh, how he wished he could just take it off. Kakuzu had always looked fit, but he'd never actually gotten to see it, and feeling it blindly with his hands only enticed him further. The man certainly was in great shape, with rolls of corded muscle all across his abs, his broad chest, protruding pectorals, thick neck...

 _Oh God..._  He thought again, dragging in a desperate breathe in through his nose so he didn't have to break away from the other man's mouth.  _He's perfect..._

He was almost made self-conscious of his own body, lean from lack of proper exercise. Most of his workouts were cardio-related, keeping him skinny, but not all that muscular. He had the muscles there beneath his skin, but unless he flexed, they usually remained mostly out of sight.

Maybe Kakuzu was flexed, trying to impress him. Or maybe trying to restrain himself. Either way, he  _was_  impressed. He wanted to see more, he needed to see more... feel more...

He was going to die, he decided, if this didn't either stop, or progress further soon. His nether regions burned with arousal, ached in the restraints of his relativity tight jeans, being pinned even further by Kakuzu's own girth against his, separated only by these damn, pesky clothes.

He growled under his breath, only just now realizing the Doctors hands had snaked down, somehow, sliding beneath his jeans though still over his boxer-briefs, and were now tightly squeezing his ass, pulling his lower body tighter against him, though it didn't seem possible.

He responded with his upper body as well, struggling to pulls his arms out from under the man's shirt and wrap them around his neck, using his wide shoulders as leverage to pull himself up to where he was actually sitting on the counter, his inner thighs squeezing into Kakuzu's hip bones.

It was a little surreal, only slightly strange to him, letting himself take the position that usually belonged to the female. Even when he'd been in this situation with other men , he was always the one in Kakuzu's place, initiating the contact, controlling the pace, doing what he wanted while the other sat back and received it happily. Thanks to the alcohol, and the fact that Kakuzu was much larger, and he admitted, stronger, than him, he didn't mind so much, doing it this way.

The old fucker was surprisingly good, after all.

* * *

 

Adjusting his grip on Hidan's ass, he slid the man into his body again, though the counter had offset the alignment of their bodies. The younger man's crotch was now against his stomach, and he was rather excited, the doctor could tell.

That was fine, it only aroused him further, knowing Hidan was enjoying it too, and that he hadn't lost his touch, even after all these incredibly long years. He had very distant control of himself, he thought. Things certainly wouldn't be going  _that_  far, but he'd given himself a very long leash, his own words ringing through his mind. Hidan might not get to drink again for awhile, and as far out of it as he was now, who knew how he'd react -if he even remembered- in the morning. This may or may not ever happen again, and the old man thought, maybe, in his tipsy mind, that he could deal with that, as long as he got to do what he wanted now.

After all, his affection for the brat wasn't so great that he wanted to take him to bed, this was more than enough to suffice all the suffering he'd gone through the last few months. He was just fine with this, though as the seconds passed by, as Hidan let out more and more of those delicious sounds, as he continued to touch him with those pale little fingers and those outrageously smooth palms, he became less sure of that thought.

No, it was just lust, just his human body making a human reaction. Nothing more. He knew that, that much never wavered in his mind.

But damn did he want it more and more with each passing second.

He'd been unsure at first that he liked it, the idiot tasted so strongly of cigarettes and liquor, it was hard to find anything enjoyable about it. But when that damn tongue had run across his lower lip, and that tingling had been left there, well, he couldn't have pulled away if he wanted to. Now that he'd been able to bypass that, he couldn't get enough.

His eyes were open, unfocused with heavy lids, but open. He didn't think he could let them close, as that would make all these sensations he'd forgotten about double in strength, and to the older man, they were already pretty intense.

He let his hands do what they wanted, let his body push itself against the younger man, feeling no humility, especially not when Hidan responded so well. When he caused the man pain, he hadn't thought anything of it, at least until he'd let out a moan of appreciation instead of a squeak of alarm.

So the little idiot was a sexual masochist eh? Hm, it wasn't that uncommon actually, he didn't know why it sent another ripple of excitement through him. Perhaps because he was somewhat of a sadist, and not just in bed either, as had been made clear by now, he thought.

He bit into the mans lower lip, perhaps a little harder than necessary, running his tongue over it in a soothing action when the action rewarded him with a hiss and an unintelligible grunt that he thought was most likely a curse. Greedy little hands slipped back down his shoulders, clutching at his coat, attempting to pull the larger man closer but only doing the opposite when Kakuzu didn't budge.

The kiss deepened past the limits of reality, though it didn't actually change except for the almost desperate way Hidan was going about it, the drunken fool. The irresistible, sexy, submissive, little drunken fool.

_Damn._

He was getting too much into it, he wanted it to go farther. And the little twerp was going to keep pushing for it, and honestly he didn't know if he'd be able to stop him if he let his own emotions get any more out of hand.

He broke away finally, thinking it might sober Hidan from the situation. It didn't stop the little bastard at all, he just pulled himself closer, attacking Kakuzu's throat with that accursedly delicious mouth. The older man was taken back by the sharp nips, the gentle pecks, and the both rough and easy sucking given to his neck.

_Well fuck._

He felt the involuntary groan emerge from himself at the actions, letting his eyes close finally, unable to keep them open any longer. His teeth grit together as his insides heated even further, trying to maintain his control. Of course that little brat would do this to him, after all, that's what this whole thing was about, Hidan's strange way of making him unable to control himself.

He supposed that clarity he'd felt before this happened had boosted his confidence just a little too much, making him think he was once again in control. That he would remain that way, that whatever funk he'd been in was officially over and wouldn't return.

He was wrong, apparently. And with his mind slowly giving way to his desire to do terrible things to this body against his, he couldn't even decide if it was a bad thing or not.

His head tilted, giving Hidan better access to that sensitive area just below his jawline, by his ear. Hidan nipped at it as if reading his mind, and white specks danced across the inside of his closed eyelids. His body felt weak, distant. He could feel the control slipping from him, going far past any level he'd ever succeeded before.

He'd never loosed himself completely, never felt this kind of raging desire to fuck someone senseless. No one had ever responded this well, after all, and he could count on two hands all the people he'd ever had in his bed. None of them had ever fit him so perfectly, yet somehow still contrasted so immensely as Hidan.

It was infuriating, and irresistible.

_Double fuck._

After all this time of being stuck in his monotonous rut, He'd more or less given up the hope of finding anything to interest him the way this boy did. As Kisame had said, he wasn't aware there were any more surprises left to encounter. Normally, unexpected things were bad, Hidan's intrusion into his life had been bad.  _Had_  being the key word there. Right now, wrapped in the intensity of the moment, he didn't think it was so bad. Maybe everything Kisame and Itachi had said to him was right, maybe all the rationalizations he'd made to himself had been wrong.

Maybe there really was something to this idiotic little brat that he hadn't seen before...

Air whooshed out of him as sharp teeth sunk into his earlobe, and he heard Hidan's soft laughter at his reaction. For some reason the sound drove him even closer to the edge, and with slight inner panic he felt himself start to slip as he forced the mans face up, gripping his jaw with one hand, and smashed their lips together again. He removed his hand only to grip at the pale wrists attached to the hands caressing him, with a slight growl of protest from Hidan, he forced both of the younger hands back behind his body, restraining him from touching him anymore.

He had to get himself off this boy, like, five minutes ago.

Hidan arched his back though when the doctor was unable to pull his mouth away, leaning over Hidan. The submissive actions fueled his lust further, a string of swears went off in his head like firecrackers. Hidan's thighs squeezed him, and the younger fought to keep their mouths pressed together even as Kakuzu used every ounce of what was left of his self-control to pull himself away.

_You're making it worse, you idiot._

He couldn't find the energy to say the words out loud, what with the animalistic noises grating from him, his breathes heavy with vague panic and intense arousal. Bloody hell, he was going to lose his mind, he thought, fighting the surge of raw heat that floated up in his when Hidan ripped his hands free, slipped them swiftly back under his shirt, around his body and up his back. With a hard suck and bite to the older mans lip, he dug his nails into his skin and dragged them downward.

Kakuzu might have been embarrassed of the noise he made if his vision hadn't gone black for that half-second. If his urges hadn't possessed his body, making him reach down, rushing to unbutton the younger's pants.

Part of him, still halfway within reality, still halfway sober, wondered how long this had been going on, how long it would take before someone came back here, if he had enough time to-

At that exact moment the doorknob turned, letting out a click behind him.

_Damned bloody irony._

He could only halfway pay attention, there was no time to recover into a better position, not that he cared to. Kisame said that it was only he and Itachi that would come back here, and both of those two were apparently aware of the situation between Dr. Hoku and his employee. They wouldn't interfere, he knew. And if he did, he'd just kill them. Not literally, of course... at least he didn't think so. At this point he wasn't sure of anything, it had been so damned long...

He heard the music blow into the room like a whirlwind as the door opened. Hidan stiffened, drawing in a breath as his mouth froze against Kakuzu's, and suddenly his vision returned, leaving him staring down in moderate confusion at the his own hands, with Hidan's pants tugged halfway off his hips. A second later the door was shut again, but neither of the men continued. They only stared between each other, the sound of someone catching them somewhat sobering them both almost instantaneously.

Kakuzu's body still burned with the urge to rip off the boys clothes, but he was better able to restrain it now, and slowly he leaned back, though not pulling away. He took in a few calm breaths to collect himself, and slowly, deliberately, refastened Hidan's fly, blinking repeatedly in disbelief at himself.

_Holy shit._

It hadn't seemed that bad at the time, but now that he was back in control, he realized that he'd almost just... to someone half his age... in public...

_Fucking hell._

Hidan was still breathing heavily looking at him with clouded eyes, his expression tweaking itself as thoughts went through his mind. Disappointment, anger, excitement, disappointment again, more anger, embarrassment, arousal. Kakuzu found it almost interesting to watch, usually the temperamental idiot was just as hard to read as he, himself.

Slowly, the awkwardness seeped back between them as they remained in that position, Kakuzu not backing away to let Hidan down from the counter. He couldn't, as shocked with his own behavior as he was, that feeling still lingered. The possessiveness, He wanted Hidan, not just wanted him, he  _needed to have him,_  to own him, Hidan had to be  _his._  Damn the consequences.

"Holy shit..." The pale man breathe through swollen lips.

"Hm" Kakuzu grunted in agreement, the unspoken question lingering heavily in the air.

_Now what?_

 

* * *

 

Itachi closed the door quickly, turning around and leaning against it, holding his arms crossed across his chest to try and contain the uncharacteristic giggling he couldn't seem to restrain.

Kisame stared at him in amusement, leaning still against the wall where he had been since Hidan's performance. "Something going on in there?" He asked his lover, a chuckle of his own slipping out just for witnessing the usually oh-so-composed Uchiha subject himself to a giggle-fit.

"Something is  _definitely_  going on in there." He clarified, still laughing.

"Eck, I'm glad you saw it. That might scar me for life, walking in on something like that."

He moved to come stand next to Kisame, giving him a light smack on the arm. "Oh hush. They're only kissing, it's romantic."

"Kissing. You make it sound harmless."

"Oh no, it wasn't  _just_  kissing. You want me to show you what they were doing?" He said, walking his index finger up Kisame's bicep and along his shoulder, having to stretch quite a bit to do so, before stroking his cheek.

The giant laughed and grabbed him, wrapping his arms around him and lowering his head to put it against the Uchiha's. "You're drunk, babe."

"Mm. Very much so."

"It's adorable."

"I'm glad. Don't let me embarrass myself, or I'll have to hurt you."

"Wouldn't dream of it, Angel." He said, pushing his lips against the much shorter man briefly before pulling away. "No one get's to see you relax but me. I know how you like to keep up appearances."

"Yes." Itachi said, licking his lips seductively. "People wouldn't take me seriously otherwise, seeing as I'm so  _small,_  and apparently a  _woman_."

"I dunno babe, you can be pretty intimidating when you want to be."

"Of course I can. I have to be, like I said." He said, shrugging. "Kiss me again."

Kisame chuckled, obliging. When they broke away, he raised a teasing brow at his young boyfriend. "You're not all hot and bothered from seeing them together are you?"

Itachi blushed, to the bigger man's amusement, given away by his devious grin.

"Ahh, Itachi. You're so full of surprises. Just when I begin to think there's no way you're just human, you go and do something like this."

His cheeks still burning, Itachi hid his face in the mans chest. "Shut up." He mumbled. He was a little horny, he'd admit it. After all, it had been a long time coming, and a lot of work and self-restraint on his part to get those two idiots together. This party alone had cost him thousands of dollars. And it wasn't as if he, himself, had seen any action in... good lord it had almost been a year now!

It was worth it though. He couldn't wait for them to finish up their little session so he could see his best friends face.

He scowled into Kisame's gut at this. He really hoped the Doctor wouldn't go so far as to actually have intercourse right there in the kitchen... maybe some sort of distraction was called for. He knew from experience how hard it could be to control one's self when enough time had passed between sexual encounters, and when little miss alcohol got herself involved, well, there was rarely hope.

"Uh oh..." Kisame said, pulling Itachi from his thoughts then as he leaned back to look up at the man, then following his gaze. It landed on Tayuya, making her way toward them, her eyes focused hungrily on them both, which perplexed the Uchiha for a moment before he recalled Hidan's warnings in the kitchen at the beginning of the night. The girl apparently had some sort of crush on the two of them, and she'd likley just seen them kiss...

Her expression blanked out as she came closer though, specifically when Itachi quickly stepped out of the embrace to stand in front of her, in case she was heading toward the kitchen to find Hidan.

"Hey, you guys seen that albino fucker? He said was gonna go kick someone's ass, but he's been gone awhile. He's not like, bleeding to death out back is he?" She had a terrible slur as well as a slight lisp as she talked, her gently swaying stance and giving away her level of intoxication. Itachi was somewhat impressed, though. She'd had even more than Hidan, but was handling it far better than his dear friend. And from what he'd gathered, the woman had only just turned 22 in February. Which meant she'd done quite a large amount of drinking since becoming legal to gain the tolerance she had now.

He blinked, mentally face palming and wondering why he assumed she'd waited till she was legal. She was just like Hidan, after all, who'd been drinking since 14.

"He's...uh... busy..." Kisame covered in Itachi's silence. He smiled up at the man for the act, nodding in agreement.

"Yes, someone special came by to see him, they're having a chat."

"Oh? More of his friends? Fuckin' sweet, I wanna meet'em." She said, about to sidestep Itachi before he moved in line with her, keeping her from advancing.

"What the fuck!?" She said. "What's your problem? Is he fucking someone or what?"

"Of course not." Itachi said quickly, possibly a little too quickly, judging by the suspicious look the woman was giving him now. "He requested privacy, that's what we're giving him."

"Bullshit." She said quickly, "He was too pissed when stormed outta there. What the fuck's going on back there?"

Itachi cursed her knowing friendship with the man, she was sharper than she let on, especially being as drunk as she was. He scrambled internally for something to tell her, his mind unable to come up with anything other than the imagine of Hidan's legs and Kakuzu's back and the nagging urge to distract her and give them more time.

"Kisame!" He suddenly piped cheerfully, clapping his hands and twirling to the man. "You're musically inclined, why haven't you sang yet?" He said to him, giving him a sickly sweet smile, trying to stare the hidden message into the older man.

The distraction worked, and Tayuya beamed, whirling to him. "You  _sing!?_ " She gasped, and Itachi gave himself a mental pat on the back, breathing out a relieved sigh.

"What!? I don't sing!" Kisame objected, making Itachi snap his head to glare at him.

"Sure you do, get up there and put on a show." He said, slowly and deliberately.

Kisame's brow dropped, pleading with Itachi not to make him do this. "But... I... I have to..."

"Nonsense, we've already gotten rid of all the trouble-makers. Go have fun." He said, waving at him with an apologetic and pleading look of his own.

"Yeah! C'mon, Hidan did it, I'm sure you couldn't suck any worse than that fucking dumb bitch that tried to sing that Miley Cyrus* song." She said, grabbing his wrist and attempting to drag him behind her. The big man didn't budge, of course, too busy giving Itachi sad, puppy eyes.

"Oh! I'll even sing with you! I know the perfect song, you can rap, right!?"

"What!?" He yelped, letting her pull him along merely out of shock now. "What makes you think I can rap?"

"Well, You're black aren't you? Just come on, quit being a fucking pansy. You can sing to Itachi even."

"But-"

"I said COME THE FUCK ON!" She snarled, giving a great heave and successfully budging him forward again. He finally followed now, staring back at Itachi -who had a hand over his mouth to smother his laughter- in betrayal.

With that out of the way, he reasoned with himself that he should go check on those two. It was likely that his interruption had gone unnoticed, as Hidan was drunk out of his mind, and the Doctor had downed quite a bit of that Scotch in a very short amount of time.

There was also the chance that they  _had_  noticed, and had stopped. And if that was the case, he wouldn't mind intruding a second time. They  _had_  been back there awhile, as Tayuya had stated. He'd wanted them to do something, (And something they'd certainly done) but he didn't want it to get out of hand...

And besides, he wasn't sure if he could handle seeing Kisame do a drunken rap on stage without killing himself in a hysterical fit of laughter. He felt somewhat bad, as he knew he would be absolutely furious if Kisame had done the same thing to him, but what the man had said before forcing Itachi to climb out that window had stuck with him; Desperate times call for desperate measures.

And he supposed maybe mixed in there somewhere was a little bit of payback.

He gave the man a wicked smile across the room before turning around and moving back to the door that led to the kitchen. Considering something, he knocked on it a few times. There was no response, and so he turned the knob and pushed it open.

Again he was greeted with the sight of Kakuzu's back, but Hidan was no longer on the counter. In fact, the two were sitting at the table, talking calmly. At least they were before the squeak of the door opening attracted their attention. The doctor twisted to see the intruder, and Hidan leaned sideways to see around his boss, giving a quizzical look to Itachi before his liquored-up brain finally recognized him, then he broke into a smile.

"'Tachiiii..." He drawled, making the elder man roll his eyes. "My best friend. Was that you earlier spying on us?"

Itachi stepped in fully now, pushing the door shut behind him by leaning back onto it. "Yes, It was too quiet, I wanted to make sure you two hadn't killed each other. I apologize for interrupting."

"Tch, Whatever. I don't care. I don't care about anything right now. Way too fuckin' happy." He said, waving Itachi's apology away and giving the older man a goofy grin. The Uchiha himself couldn't help but smile at this. The party was now a complete success, he believed he'd eradicated each and every one of Hidan's worries in one night.

Itachi pushed off the door and walked cautiously up to the two men, eyeing Kakuzu as he did, trying to get some kind of reaction out of him. He noticed that he'd refilled his glass with the bottle Kisame had brought in earlier. His ice was gone, and the beverage was most likely no longer cold, but he didn't seem to mind.

In fact the Doctor looked strangely unconcerned with anything. He wasn't smiling, but he wasn't scowling, his forehead was free of creases, lips not pursed, jaw not clenched... And because of this the Uchiha felt a wash of pride in himself. Hidan wasn't the only one having his problems soothed.

He pulled out a chair and sat down, despite telling himself he didn't want to make anything uncomfortable. It was mainly just for the fact that he felt suddenly dizzy. That damn alcohol. He decided to skip the awkward mentions of what he'd caught them doing and jump right to a topic that would lighten the mood. After all, he could get any details he needed from Hidan tomorrow, when he was sober and not recovering from the effects of what looked to be pure ecstasy. In the hypothetical sense, not the drug, obviously.

"Your friend is forcing Kisame to sing with her on stage." He said with a devious grin.

If Hidan were taking a drink right now he would have spit it everywhere. Instead he just sort of flailed in his seat, and choked briefly on air before bursting into laughter.

Kakuzu turned to him with a brow raised. "Kisame is going to sing?"

"Well, She mentioned something about him rapping, being the black man that he is."

To his surprise, this actually provoked a snort from Kakuzu, though he quickly recovered from it. Though Hidan only went into another snickering fit. "Is that this 'Tayuya' girl you keep referring to?" He asked Hidan in that deep voice of his.

"Ain't she a fucking peach?" He laughed.

"I'm slightly disturbed at the fact that I almost want to witness this..." Kakuzu said back.

Itachi smiled in his chair, warmed to the core by how drastically the two men's interactions with each other had changed. Instead of being tense and moody, as usual, they were actually being casual. In fact it was Dr. Hoku's reactions that astounded him the most. He never would have thought the closed-off man would react so readily. Even around Kisame, who'd been his friend for years, he didn't act so easy-going.

Hm... He supposed this, too, could be blamed on the alcohol. But he'd take partial credit, because he was feeling a little greedy, what with the spectacular success of this last-minute scheme.

"Well," he finally spoke up, glancing from his watch to the clock on the wall to double-check the time. "Seeing as It's almost four in the morning, I think we should probably call it a night after they do their little song. We were only supposed to have the DJ until midnight anyway, he'll be expecting a large tip, I assume."

"Tch. Pinkie probably talked him into it. Crazy bitch."

"I have no doupt." Itachi agree, massaging his eyes. With any luck, he could talk his way out of paying for an extra four hours. "Regardless, Kisame and I will likely stay and help clean this mess up. You're welcome to go home if you wish Hidan, If Dr. Hoku is willing to give you a ride, that is."

"No one at this party is fit to drive, Mister Uchiha."

"Of course, I meant for him to ride in the taxi with you."

"It makes no difference to me." The older man grumbled.

Hidan smiled at him in silence for a moment before slapping his hand on the table, pushing himself from the seat, and leaning backward to pop his back. "Whell, either fucking way, I'm gonna go watch Shark-dick embarrass the shit out of himself. "

"You never know Hidan, he may be as talented as you." Itachi piped, also rising from his seat.

"Oh yeah. I forgot I did that..." He said, his face going blank and worrying his roommate for a second as to how he might react.

"That was fucking awesome." He finally concluded, moving around Kakuzu and to the door, and letting the Uchiha release his held breath, before meeting the elder man's eyes.

His expression was as unreadable as always, but Itachi got the distinct feeling that this silent exchange between them was some sort of gratitude instead of the usual simmering disapproval. He gave the man a warm, knowing smile.

He'd worried, for quite a while there, if he'd made a mistake in revealing Hidan's affections. He'd known he was inebriated heavily, and that his judgement was being affected by that. But something had possessed him, it was like, when he'd spotted Kisame guiding the man to the kitchen. He'd watched the doctor scan the room, knowing exactly who he was looking for. He'd seen the resentment in his eyes when he'd spotted Itachi instead. He was perfectly aware that the man was pissed beyond all reason. But the mere fact that he had come spoke volumes.

That was all he had to do, after all.

 

_Kisame had re-emerged from the kitchen to get the doctor a drink, and Itachi had stopped him, his giddy excitement threatening to making him explode._

_"What kind of mood is he in?" He'd asked his lover._

_"Pissed all to hell. As usual." Kisame replied casually. "Let him simmer down and get a few drinks in him. He's just embarrassed, is all. Doesn't want people talking shit."_

_"I don't know why he hasn't realized that he's acting so far out of character yet."_

_"He's got a lot on his mind, babe."_

_"But he's never cared what anyone thought of him before. He should be far more worried about people calling him an ass than gossiping about his personal life."_

_"Well, in his defense, being a dick isn't listed as a sin in the bible. I mean, I couldn't care less, but you know how people are."_

_Itachi rolled his eyes. "What does religion have to do with this? You told me he was an atheist."_

_"Well_ he _is, but the rest of the world isn't. When you have to cater to customers, it doesn't much matter where your own ideals lay, y'know?"_

 _"I don't understand why he's so worried about that either. Humanity is far too dependent on instant gratification for him to lose much business from it. The closest hospital is half an hour away, people aren't going to forego that just because he happens to have homosexual tenancies, he is a_ good Doctor _. And besides, he's been in good standings for almost twenty years, that won't count for nothing."_

_Kisame shrugged, reaching to grab a bottle Aberlour a'bunadh*, turning to Itachi for his input on the drink he chose. He nodded, it was a very good choice, sweet and easy to get down, and likely to urge him into getting drunk, which would make all his plans easier._

_"Maybe it's just something he's using as an excuse. Like, he hasn't had a relationship since college, I don't think. Maybe he's just scared as hell, but doesn't want to admit it." Kisame said, bending over to open the cooler beneath the bar and scoop some ice into a glass._

_Itachi crossed his arms, chewing on his lip in a very Hidan-like fashion as he thought about it. That could be right, he was simply scared of rejection, exactly as Hidan was. But how could he put the man's mind at ease? Neither of them were going to admit their feelings, drunk or not, if they kept holding onto that fear._

_He knew Hidan was feeling especially empowered and relaxed tonight, After being reminded of how much he was cared for, and how worthwhile his friendship was to those who stuck with it. When he found out Kakuzu was here, he would likely be upset with the man for showing up, reminding him of his troubles with him and ruining his mood. And naturally Dr. Hoku would likely get just as riled up when Hidan undoubtedly attacked him, and the two would end up storming away from each other like always, with nothing accomplished._

_"Kisame..." He said thoughtfully._

_"Hm?"_

_"I think... I'm just going to tell him."_

_"Tell him what?"_

_Itachi stared at him quizzically, "That Hidan likes him as well."_

_"But I thought-"_

_"I know, so did I. But if what you're saying is correct, and they're both terrified of being told no, then neither of them is going to take the first step. If I told Hidan, he still might not do anything, he's still intimidated by the doctor, after all. But Kakuzu might initiate some sort of... something. So long as he has the re-assurement that he won't be rejected. Then he'll know one way or the other; if he does do something, Hidan will respond, if he doesn't, then nothing will happen. That way there are no wild cards, nothing for him to make excuses for."_

_"Well, I mean, he still has his business."_

_"But if he's just using that to cover his tracks, it won't matter." Itachi said, steeling himself. "I'm telling him. You bring his drink, then I need you back out here to keep an eye on things._

_Kisame stared at him, amused about some unspoken joke, holding the glass and the bottle of scotch._

_"What?"_

_Kisame chuckled and shook his head. "I was just thinking, I'd hate to get on your shit list."_

_Itachi smirked, gesturing for Kisame to go into the room first. "Then I suggest never pissing me off, Kisa. After you."_

 

Itachi blinked himself back to the present, finally breaking eye contact with Dr. Hoku and following after Hidan. Just as he emerged into the big room, Tayuya was pushing a reluctant Kisame onto the stage. After she appeared to have him where she wanted him (or gave up trying to move his giant ass) she slipped around to snatch the microphone again, laughing somewhat breathlessly into it.

"OKAY!" She said, "It's my turn, motherfuckers. This is a little diddy you'll all like, a good little dance number. And Shark-dick here is gonna help me do the dude parts!" She said, gesturing with her entire arm to Kisame, who snapped out of his hesitation, his friendly personality sliding back into place as he gave a relaxed wave. The DJ, looking as if he were chuckling to himself, handed him another microphone.

The ladies in the stand were of course in an uproar, each and every one of them having seen the 'bouncer' of this 'club' and letting their eyes linger just a little to long for Itachi's liking. Even now his eyes narrowed in annoyance.

Hidan meanwhile was in hysterics beside him, having lost all his composure when Tayuya stole his nickname for Kisame and said it in front of everyone. At first the Uchiha didn't understand what was quite so funny about it, until he realized that sharks were known to usually have two penis's.

His face burned in jealously and humiliation for Kisame's sake then, as he crossed his arms, aware that he resembled a pouting child, but far too upset to care. Kisame was the only person who could make his little ideas backfire on him so terribly...

"This is Katy Perry's newest hit!" Tayuya cried out, which released another roar of excitement. "Dark Horse*, Featuring Shark-dick playing the role of Juicy J! Hit it!" She snarled excitedly, pointing to the DJ.

"Don't embarrass me." She muttered to Kisame, with a toothy smile and an elbow nudge.

The music started, and Tayuya bounced into action, her voice bouncing over the sound system, confusing Itachi for a second, as it sounded exactly like the original's at first. Hidan had mentioned that the woman was some sort of musical prodigy, but he hadn't exactly taken him seriously

" _I knew you weeeeere.. You were gonna come to me. And here you aaaaaare, But you better choose carefully. 'Cause I-I-I... I'm capable of anything... Of anything, And everything."_  She sang in perfect pitch, the minor differences between her voice and that of Katy Perry's barely noticeable.

 _"Make me your Aph-ro-diiiiiteeee. Make me your one and only. But do-o-on't make me your enemy ,Your enemy, Your enemyyyy."_ She said now, Dancing seductively and to Itachi's great aggravation, really well, moving in a circle around Kisame as she did, and making Itachi's hands grab on tighter to his own forearms, teeth clenched.

Then she stopped and whirled, pointing out to the crowd, eyeing  _him_  now as the music changed it rhythm.  _"So you wanna play with magiiiic? Boy, you should know what you're fallin' , do you dare to do this? 'Cause I'm comin' at'cha like a daaark hooorse."_

The door behind him opened just as she launched into the second verse of the refrain, amazing sound somehow exploding from her tiny body, blowing everyone in the audience away, except for Hidan, who was still grinning in wild entertainment.

He turned to regard Dr. Hoku, who came to stand next to him in much the same stance. They shared a glance, in which Kakuzu seemed to notice his raging jealousy, judging by the slight crook at the edge of his mouth. The man's bloodshot eyes flicked up toward the stage to regard his long-time friend being eye-humped by every woman on the makeshift dance floor while Itachi seethed.

"And he'd been amused by  _Hidan's_  popularity..." The Doctor grumbled.

Itachi let it remain a rhetorical statement, as Kisame's part in the song was coming up, and he was dying to see how his boyfriend would perform. He'd obviously never heard the man sing before, though rapping wasn't really singing, in his opinion. He'd never heard him do either of the two, and was more than ready to witness it.

His eyes met Kisame's, and the man gave him a toothy grin, winking.

Well, he certainly got over his anxiety fast, hadn't he?

 _"Are you ready for, ready for!? The perfect storm, perfect stooorm!? 'Cause once you're mine, once you're miiiiiiine! Mm~mmm, there's no going back..."_ Tayuya said, and Kisame stepped forward on cue, not even having to look at the lyrics on the screen in front of the stage as he hunched slightly and moved his hands in the generic rapper's pose.

 _"She's a beast. I call her Karma. She'll eat your heart out, Like Jeffrey Dahmer. Be careful, Try not to lead her on. Shawty's heart was on steroids 'Cause her love was so strong!"_ He sing-songed, making another eruption of high-pitched squeals erupt from the audience, it had dwindled significantly since Hidan's performance, something Itachi was grateful for. Though on the downside, those who remained were now far more intoxicated than they had been when Hidan sang. Which made them more unpredictable.

The albino himself had literally fallen to the floor in a fit of maniacal laughter as soon as Kisame had said the word 'Shawty', making Itachi scoff and roll his eyes. But he couldn't hide his own aroused excitement as seeing Kisame,  _his_  Kisame, do something so... so...

So damn  _sexy_.

_"You may fall in love when you meet her. If you get the chance, you better keep her. She swears by it but if you break her heart, she turns cold as a freezer. That fairy tale ending with a knight in shining armor. She can be my Sleeping Beauty, I'm gon' put her in a coma."_

He'd started moving around the stage in over exaggerated movements, trying to be funny, Itachi thought, but just making himself look more desirable as he embarrassed himself willingly for everyone else's entertainment.

His eyes of course, never left Itachi's but to glance around to make sure he wouldn't trip over anything, always coming back to reassure the Uchiha that he had nothing to be jealous about, with that mischievous but comforting smile of his.

" _Woo! Damn I think I love her. Shawty so bad. I'm sprung and I don't care. She got me like a roller coaster, turn the bedroom into a fair. Her love is like a drug, I was try'na hit it and quit it. But Uchiha's* so dope, I messed around and got addicteeeeed."_

 _"SO you wanna PLAY WITH MAGIC!?"_ Tayuya jumped in, giving him a pat on the back and pointing this 'Uchiha' out in the crowd while literally bouncing with excitement.  _"Boy you should KNOW what you're fallin' fo-or. Baby, do you DARE to do this? 'Cause I'm comin' At'cha like a daaark hoooorse."_

Itachi, eyes wide as saucers, blushed furiously, warring between emotions. He didn't know whether to be extremely flattered, extremely embarrassed, or extremely proud.

Either way each one of them was in the extremes.

Kisame raised his hand in a sign-off as Tayuya finished the song, and he handed the mic back to the DJ, then almost jogged from the stage down the side of the floor over to where his boyfriend stood. Every eye in the room watched him, and when he moved to Itachi, simultaneous sounds of interest, disappointment, and excitement murmured through them. Part of him mentally flipped the women off as he realized a lot of them most likely didn't even realize he was a man, especially with the help of those lyrics.

"You ruined my revenge scheme!" Itachi whined, aware of all the eyes on him and trying desperately to keep his composure despite the sudden overwhelming urge to throw himself at the grinning man, aside from the lingering anger, that is. "You were supposed to embarrass yourself."

"Hah. You think I wasn't? I already told you though, I'm humbled to be bested by you."

There was a collective 'Awwee' that rose around the room. Hidan made a gagging noise beside him, having finally regained control of himself after Kakuzu removed himself from the spotlight that bounced off Itachi to drag the idiot back to his feet. At this point he smacked Hidan upside the head, probably just to keep him from attracting attention, the Uchiha thought.

The song had ended and there was utter silence now, everyone waiting in anticipation. Some of the males of the crowd rolled their eyes, and moved to leave the dance floor, if not the party itself. Itachi shifted nervously, wondering just what the hell Kisame was trying to pull here. Their relationship was supposed to be a secret, after all. He didn't want the poor man to suffer the way he had through most of his life. For their own reasons, the raven-hair supposed, someone who didn't like his sexuality had long ago started the rumors that he would sleep with just about anything that would have him. Every so often someone restarted them again, and he didn't want people to think any less of Kisame simply for being in a relationship with him.

"Oh my fucking God..." Tayuya droned into the microphone. "Fucking kiss him already. Jesus."

A gasp echoed through the crowd, and Itachi eyes Kisame, questioning.

"I'd do what she says." he laughed, nodding his head toward the pinkette still on stage despite the DJ beginning to pack up his equipment. "She's kind of scary when she yells."

Itachi's face broke into a smile despite him, and he rolled his eyes, shrugging away his doubts, before doing as he'd wanted to before. he took a few leaping steps and jumped gracefully into the man's arms, ignoring the sounds of Hidan's over exaggerated gagging.

Kisame caught him, the scene looking like something straight out of a movie as he situated the smaller man with ease into a standing-straddle. And simultaneously they leaned in toward each other, Itachi freeing his hands to grasp Kisame's cheeks.

Those that didn't dismiss themselves screamed, whistled, meow-ed, and all other manner of inappropriate noises at the act. Several flashes went off, but the two men ignored them. Breaking from their kiss to put their foreheads together.

"You're not afraid of what people will say?" Itachi whispered.

"Hey, you keep saying Kakuzu has nothing to worry about. Why the hell should we?"

Itachi chuckled, nuzzling his nose with his lovers. "Right. They're all juveniles anyway...

"ALRIGHT DRUNK BITCHES, I think this party's pretty much over, call your mommies and rides and get the fuck out." Tayuya's loud voice demanded.

Kisame put Itachi down, and he brushed himself off, as if he'd somehow gotten dirty.

"You two make me wanna puke." Hidan muttered, making Itachi shoot him a glare that said 'Like you have any room to talk." In a mature display, Hidan stuck his tongue out and flipped him off, pushing back through the door into the kitchen, announcing that he was ready to leave as he did so. Kakuzu followed him without so much as a glance.

"You know..." Itachi said, tracing around some invisible pattern on Kisame's shirt with his index finger. "I could probably talk the people who help me set up into cleaning up for us." Kakuzu said Hidan could ride with him and he'd help him to the apartment. I'd like to go with you, if that's alright..." He gave a seductive smile, not making his intentions obvious but not hiding them either.

If Kisame picked upon it, he made no reaction, only giving the younger man a warm smile and reaching to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. "Well hurry then. I'm sober enough to drive, so long as you don't tell Kakuzu on me."

"Deal." Itachi said quickly, rushing off to catch the volunteers before they left.

Itachi Uchiha was never one to be conceited, but damn if he didn't always managed to pull Miracles from his ass. He marked the night off as a big fat success, and left the rest to fate. He and his wallet needed a break after all this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end.
> 
> ...Just kidding please don't kill me.
> 
> Romanticist* -Is that a word? I feel like it's a word but I wasn't sure and I'm too lazy to look it up. You know what I mean though.
> 
> Aberlour a'bunadh* - That would be the name of the scotch Kuzu was drinking. Yes, it's a real brand. And yes, it's amazing.
> 
> Dark horse* By Katy Perry ft. Juicy J. -The song Tayuya and Kisa sang, in case you didn't catch that. Not one of my favorites, (Though I do like it) but as with all the random little comedic scenes in this story, somehow fluffyisemo and I ended up having some conversation about how it was totally a FYA specific KisaIta song. And since Hida had done Karaoke... well, I couldn't resist. Tayuya did Itachi's half though, because even wasted out of his mind, I couldn't see Itachi doing it.
> 
> 'But Uchiha's* so dope, I messed around and got addicted. '- Kisame did a little improv. Don't fucking sue me. Gawd.
> 
> Sketch of Tayuya up on my deviantart page. Same name as on here, Wierdowithagun, if you'd like to go check it out.


	16. Chapter 16

_Hidan fidgeted anxiously on the counter, suddenly aware of the position they remained in, the discomfort pouring full-strength back into him. He tried desperately to make sense of what in the holy living fuck had just happened as he stared into Kakuzu's somewhat distant eyes, that thrilling and slightly terrifying gleam still in there, giving small insight to the carnal urges the man was resisting. He couldn't seem to make sense of anything though, his head was still swimming with the fucking pheromones and all that shit Itachi talked about that happened when you wanted to fuck someone beyond your range of bodily control._

_He blinked, not understanding at first why his insides still felt as if they were burning though they had stopped the act. It was kind of starting to hurt, now that the endorphin's were fading away and his masochistic tendencies were reverting any pain back to_ actual pain _as opposed to pained pleasure. He shifted again, trying to release pressure from his abdomen, where the pain seemed to originate. It didn't help, and so he dismissed it. There were more important matters to attend to anyway._

_Kakuzu's eyes finally left his, trailing down his convex-arched body, and he resisted a shiver, alarmed and excited somewhere in the back of his mind at the fact that the man's mere gaze could provoke such responses in him. He stared at him, leaning back on his hands for support, only part of him recognizing the fact that Kakuzu was re-fastening his jeans, and even that part refusing to put forth any sort of thought on the matter as opposed to just basking in the beauty of what had happened._

_Emotions flitted through him, none of them stopping long enough for his mind, feeling strangely warm and fuzzy, almost as if all his thoughts were wrapped in a thick blanket, to make any sense of them. By the time he had the first surge of disappointment figured out (They'd been interrupted, right. Someone had seen them. Why didn't he care?) He was already two emotions behind._

'Fuck...I can't... think... _' He admitted, some idea zipping through him that that wasn't very good, that that was abnormal. He only waved it away, he was just drunk, is all. He'd had too much, and now it was going to kick his ass. No big deal, he'd done it a thousand times. Besides, There was still a more important matter to deal with now. His eyes flicked back up to Kakuzu's, who was looking at him again in a mix of interest and horror. He tried to smile to reassure him, though he wasn't sure why he felt the need to do so. His facial muscles didn't seem to want to respond at the moment, and his face remained neutral, though he did manage to force his mouth open._

 _"Holy shit..." He breathed, his lungs feeling almost as if he couldn't get enough oxygen._ 'Tch, I just need a cigarette...'  _He consoled himself, eyes blinking heavily._ 'Even though that doesn't make sense...'

_"Hm." Kakuzu grunted in what he assumed to be agreement._

_The burning in his midsection sent out a sharp wave of pain then, as if reminding him that it was there. He ignored it though, aside from a wince, choosing instead to sit forward and let his forehead fall onto the valley where Kakuzu's collarbones met. The older man didn't pull away, as Hidan kind of expected him to, remembering just who it was that was standing here with him. He realized almost as soon as his skin reconnected with that of Kakuzu's how insanely tired he suddenly was, his body drooping almost against his will, threatening to fall asleep with him for the split-second in which he closed his eyes to gather himself._

_The man he was leaning on made no movement at all, something Hidan was a little bit grateful for, as he was suddenly victim to a terrible case of vertigo. He tried hard to control his breathing, which he knew wasn't working, seeing as he could feel the pinpricks in his lungs as he dragged in each mouthful of air desperately, never seeming to get enough oxygen from each giant heave._

_He tried to lift his hand up, and he thought he managed, as it felt as if it moved. He couldn't be sure, as his eyes refused to re-open at the moment, until he gritted his teeth and forced them with an immense effort._

_Okay, maybe that was a little unusual. Usually when he was this fucked he wasn't able to think any form of rational thoughts. Not that he was completely aware of what was going on, but he could at least recognize the small spark of fear in him, the small acknowledgement that maybe he needed to get off his counter and go sit and collect himself for a few moments._

_Something wrapped around his hand, whose palm had settled against Kakuzu's chest. He heard the unintelligible, deep-voiced murmurings of someone, whoever it was that he was leaning against, he'd forgotten already in that millionth of a second._

_Shit, okay, he definitely needed to sit down._

'Where am I again? What's going on?'  _He tried to say, managing only to groan._

_Someone pulled him from the counter, guided him in his blindness to a chair, and plopped him down in it. His hand hit a surface next to him. His mind registered it as a table, and before he could think of anything else his body adopted a mind of its own, twisting sideways to fold his arms under him and lean his head down onto them, letting them serve as a pillow. Swirls of lights and color flowed and twisted behind his closed eyelids, his insides seemed to shift inside him, giving him the impression that he was on some sort of roller coaster instead of sitting stationary as he was vaguely aware that he was._

_That wasn't even what bothered him so much, he was used to those sensations, merely the body and minds way of punishing you for ingesting waaaay too much alcohol. It was this damned burn in his gut that was driving him nuts. It was getting worse, some strange cosmic force informed him, though with such subtlety that it was hard to believe. It did really fucking hurt, however, and now that he could concentrate it wasn't even his stomach that was causing it. It was some spot just above. It almost felt like he had some sort of jagged rock inside him, cutting into his insides, making them swell only to push against it, cutting deeper with every movement._

_His head cleared a little bit as cool air hit him, making him realize suddenly that he was sweating. Something was set in front of him, and his eyes snapped open with far less effort than before, though it took a little more work to lift his head._

_A glass of water greeted him, at least he hoped it was water. He might puke if he so much as_ smelled _any more alcohol, so far past his limit as he was._

_His eyes roamed further, head turning slowly at his eyes focused on someone standing next to him. It took him a minute of blank staring before the thought snapped into his mind with the force of a slingshot that it was Kakuzu, the recollection of everything that had just transpired zapping back into him like an electrical shock._

_"Don't think I won't leave you here if you humiliate yourself by throwing up." Kakuzu's deep voice rumbled out, giving him a strange sense of peace and comfort. This in turn gave him a wash of strength, letting him push himself back to a normal position, instictivley grabbing the glass and sucking the thing dry in half a second. The terrible, mineral-ey taste of the tap water didn't even bug him as he suddenly realized his raging thirst._

_"Shut up old man..." He croaked out, the memory of Kakuzu's strangely soft-but-firm lips on his making him look away while his face burned hotter than the rest of his skin, which still felt as if on fire. There was still a gentle, cold breeze slipping over him though, which was helping a lot. He used the movement of adverting his eyes from the Doctor to see where it was coming from, only to find a steel door propped open with a chair, the sign above read 'EXIT'._

_Oh right... He was at the 4H building, back in the kitchen where he'd come to bitch out his boss for showing up to ruin his party. But they'd ended up in a heated make-out session instead._

_His face screwed up as he blinked at that thought and the warmth it sent resonating through him._

_A chair screeched as it slid out beside him, and he forced himself not to turn and look, seeing as his heart was pounding ferociously now and he didn't trust his own body, given the drunken episode he'd just had._

_Again his face burned. Fuck, that's twice Kakuzu had had to take care of him when he inexplicably lost control of himself, only this time he_ literally _had to take care of him, instead of just talking him down out of delirium._

 _'_ But...' _A quiet thought snuck into his head._ 'That's twice that he's done it, and not left you to your own devices...'

_He sucked in a sharp breath, wincing when it made the pain in his gut flare up again for a second. That was significant, right? No, wait... it didn't matter. He didn't need to sit here and decrypt Kakuzu's messages, because he knew he liked him, because they'd just..._

_He grit his teeth, refusing to blush again. For fucks sake, was he a man or not?_

_"Uh...I'm s-...sorry. 'Bout that..." He mumbled, gripping the empty glass, holding back from offering thanks as he remembered his frantic words to the older man earlier, suddenly embarrassed for them. God, stupid fucking alcohol... fuck you._

_"You should be. For as arrogant as you were being." Kakuzu replied curtly, snatching up the bottle of Aberlour and pouring it into his own glass._

_"Arrogant!?" Hidan scoffed, before he could stop himself. "Bitch, please." He said, wincing and internally slapping himself that he had seriously just said that gay-ass phrase in front of his boss. "You were the one who refused to tell me a happy goddamn birthday."_

_"You were trying to force me to leave a publicly advertised party that I had been singularly invited to." Kakuzu said back._

_"Yeah well, motherfucker, I'm pretty sure_ you _were the one trying to take_ my  _pants off!" As if that had anything to do with arrogance, but he couldn't resist saying it, as Kakuzu had seemed so shocked just after the incident had occurred._

_The man looked away, remaining silent. If Hidan weren't busy dealing with his own embarrassment, he would have reveled in the victory of actually managing to get such a reaction out of the stoic old bastard. He did allow the smirk of victory onto his face though, going to take another drink from his glass only to remember that it was empty. His body twisted as he judged his recovery against the distance of the sink. He desperately wanted more water, but he'd be damned if he was going to ask his boss to get it for him._

_He turned back, eyeballing the man currently taking a sip of scotch, eyes focused on the bare table, apparently lost in thought. He fidgeted with the glass, glancing back and forth from it to the Doctor. The question floated between them again, laughing at them both, taking pleasure in their mutual pride and resulting embarrassment at what had just happened._

What would happen now?

_He opened his mouth to ask it aloud. Why not just be direct about it? They weren't prissy, emotional girls after all, surely they could just sit here and come to some decision._

_His lips remained parted as the words refused to come out, memories of Kakuzu's hands caressing his body, his tongue forcing its way nearly down his throat. Again his groin burst into flames inside him, sending it rippling through all of him as he clenched his jaw, trying to will it away._

_Fuck. Fucking, fucking fuck. It was so awkward, he was terrified, but... he couldn't let it stop here, now that something finally happened. He just... he couldn't. He would die, he thought, if he couldn't feel that again. The tight, suffocating pain erupted into his chest as he tried to imagine going back to the way things were. The emotional pain of that overriding even the actual,_ real  _pain in his stomach with such force that he reached out to clutch at the older man's arm for some sort of support without thinking, meeting his eyes when he turned, even though he was completely aware that his own were wide with fear._

_"Don't..." He said quickly, unable to go any farther as his mind drew a blank and the pain subsided simply from being at to look at him and touch him, cementing him into reality._

_Kakuzu raised a brow. "Don't what?"_

_Hidan's mouth opened to reply, then closed. His face twisted in frustration, mouth opened once more, then shut again without saying anything._

What the fuck, goddammit? Words, where are you? Get the fuck out here!

_"Just...don't. Don't." He screamed inside his head in frustration, making him take notice of the splitting headache forming behind his eyes._

_Kakuzu rolled his eyes, turning back to look at the clock above the doorway, but not before Hidan noticed the almost non-existent upward crook at the corner of his mouth._

That was a smile _, he thought, letting his own grin spread._ I made Doctor Satan smile.

_"I'm a doctor, not a mind-reader, Hidan. If you're going to try to communicate you need to use your words, preferably more of them." He finally said, turning back to regard him with an expression Hidan couldn't quite put a name to. He continued, not wiping his smirk away, but not acknowledging it either._

_"Don't... leave."_

_Again the doctors brow stretched high. "We have to leave eventually. Unless you intend to purchase this building and live in it."_

_Hidan rolled his eyes. "That's not what I fucking mean, stop being a smart ass."_

_Kakuzu nonchalantly took a swallow from his glass. "I'd rather be a smart ass than a dumb ass."_

_Hidan stared incredulously at him. What the fuck was this shit? Being all casual and... what the fuck?_

_He opened his mouth, brows furrowed in anger as he prepared to chew him out. His stomach had other idea's though, lurching suddenly and sending an un-ignorable sword of pain through him. He choked at it and moved his arms instinctively to wrap around his stomach, doubling over, vision going black but instantly beginning to fade back to it's usual nature._

_"Hidan.." Kakuzu said, sound somewhere between some sort of un-amused warning and a minimal amount of concern._

_He tried to tell the man he was fine, able to only gargle out an incomprehensible noise of pain. Instead he used his free hand to hold up a finger, the universal sign for 'Just one moment, please'._

_Kakuzu went to his feet, Hidan panic'd for only a second as to where the man was going, unable to overcome the searing pain inside him enough to sit up and see for himself. The sound of the tap running comforted him, and a moment later the older man returned to his seat, putting a hand on Hidan's shoulder and helping him to straighten himself with surprising gentleness._

_Hidan's eyes met his, studying him carefully. He knew his own expression was most likely something between a request for an explanation and stubborn defiance to admit anything was wrong, despite something clearly being very wrong. He told himself it was nothing, just far too much alcohol, ignoring the tiny little mouse-like voice in the back of his head, telling him he'd drunk himself into a delirium hundreds of times and never hurt like felt like something else familiar... usually this only happened when he overdosed... but he didn't. He'd only been drinking. He hadn't done anything wrong..._

_Kakuzu held out the water to him, instructing him to drink. Without even really being able to think of it, Hidan's hands acted on their own, snatching it up and chugging the entire thing down in the blink of an eye, as if he'd been wandering a desert for weeks._

_"Hidan..." Kakuzu said again, as the albino made a noise of satisfaction and set the glass back on the table, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He only grunted in response, twisting to look at the sink again, wanting to discard the glass and just suck the goddamn liquid straight from the tap until he didn't feel like a fucking sponge left in a sandbox on a hot, sunny day._

_"How many medications are you on, exactly?"_

_Hidan flipped back around to stare at him quizzically. "I don't fucking know... I think... four? No... wait... There was only three pills on Friday, 'Tachi said something about them cutting out the booster since I was doing so well."_

_"Do you remember their specific names?" The elder pressed on, sending a spike or irritation between them._

_He didn't want to talk about this kind of shit, dammit, he had a goddamn pharmacist already, and a therapist, and a best friend who doubled as a pharmacist and therapist that he happened to live with. "I don't fucking know, why?"_

_"Try to remember."_

_"Don't bark orders at me, I asked why."_

_Kakuzu glared at him for a few heartbeats, before reaching out to poke a flattened hand at a certain spot on his abdomen. Shock and pain sparked through the albino, making him yelp before roughly smacking the man's hand away and clutching at his stomach again._

_"What the fucking hell you bastard!?"_

_"_ That  _is why. That is not your stomach that's causing you pain right now, it's your liver."_

_"So!?" He cried, wincing._

_"So, mixing alcohol and psychiatric medications can cause liver and kidney failure if you aren't careful, which I know you haven't been. Which medications are you taking?" He asked again, making Hidan growl in irritation._

_His face screwed in thought as he tried to remember, absently chewing on his inner cheek. "I think... one started with an A. Something to calm me down, a mood stabilizer or something... Dammit, I should know this, it's on commercials all the time..."_

_"Adderal?" Kakuzu guessed._

_"Yeah! That's it, it's for the hyper kids."_

_Kakuzu's brow furrowed in confusion. "Adderol is a stimulant, It doesn't make sense to use it as a mood stabilizer... Though I can't argue with a diagnosis of ADHD*..."_

_"Well I don't fucking know, I just do what they tell me so they don't send me back to a fucking funny farm..." Hidan said, voice getting quieter toward the end of his admittance. "There's another one that starts with an A too. I don't know which is which though. One was for fucking psychosis or something and the other was for anxiety or whatever. And there was depression too, but one of them handled two different ones, which was why they had the booster before..."_

_"What was the other one called?"_

_"Uh... Prozac? Maybe?"_

_Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "You need to pay closer attention, I doubt they're going to try to kill you, but only an idiot takes prescription strength medication without knowing what it is they're putting into their body." He got up before Hidan had the chance to respond, snatching his glass and going to fill it up in the sink again, continuing on as he sat back in his seat. Hidan forgot whatever argument he was going to make as soon as he set eyes on the water anyway._

_"Prozac is most generally and anti-depressant, though it has the tendency to work as an anti-anxiety and anti-psychotic as well. Which wouldn't make sense as to why they'd have you on a second one for the same thing." He stopped to study Hidan, gulping down the water greedily. "I would assume they probably had the extra as an anti-anxiety, seeing as stress is what seems to trigger your episodes. Was it Ativan?"_

_Hidan made a noise of distinction as he finished slurping down the precious water and set the cup down. "Yeah! That's it!"_

_Kakuzu seemed upset about this, instead of happy, which bugged Hidan again for some reason, making him turn to fiddle with the cup for a lack of anything to occupy his hands with._

_"That's a dangerous combination of medications... Your therapist is either a complete imbecile or a genius. He would know better than I the in-depth effects they would have on you in particular. I only know the medications, not so much the psychology behind them..."_

_Hidan shrugged. "Oh well, if he fucks my body up I'll just sue him. I don't like his stupid ass anyway... he's a smug bastard."_

_Kakuzu looked at him blandly for a moment, and shook his head. "You're an idiot..." he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Keep drinking water, you need to flush your system before your liver decides it's had enough of your torture and gives out on you."_

_"Tch, fuck you. I haven't drank since I moved in with 'Tachi. One night ain't gonna kill me."_

_"It might if you don't do what I tell you."_

_"Well then I guess there's nothing I can' fuckin' do huh?"_

_"Except what I tell you."_

_"You're not my doctor."_

_"But I am your boss."_

_"Well then I should sue_ you! _For Sexual Harassment!" Hidan said, smirking as the doctor remained silent again, refusing to let it show that he was also embarrassed for his actions, and that a warm heat spread through him every time he remembered the feeling of Kakuzu's hands on him, his taste, his smell..._

_"You could." He finally admitted, not revealing anything in his expression, which irritated Hidan to no end. "But you won't. So you might as well stop with the empty threats."_

_"Who the fuck says they're empty!?" Hidan countered. "I could take every fucking cent you own and put you out of business!"_

_"You could do that before, and you didn't." Kakuzu deadpanned, only the barest traces of a smirk showing at the corners of his mouth._

_Hidan's mouth bobbed open and closed as he struggled for a comeback, unable to for the pain that returned to his chest, squeezing the air from his lungs at the thought of possibly losing the Doctors affection after pulling such a stunt. No, he wouldn't do that, not even if he was faced with death. He'd preferred it that way, he was shocked to realize. When the hell had this asshole become so important to him?_

_"That's what I thought..." Kakuzu said, leaning back and refilling his glass. "So, since you're not going to come out with it, I will; This needs to be kept quiet."_

_The pale man stared in confusion for a second, making Kakuzu roll his eyes as he took another gulp of the alcohol. "I'm referring to the situation that you described as 'sexual harassment'."_

_Hidan's face burned in understanding then, but disappeared quickly as anger replaced the humiliation. "Hey! I'm not some fucking secret to be shoved away in a closet you fucking insensitive prick!"_

_Kakuzu's brow rose, and Hidan swore internally as he realized how stupid that must have sounded. Why in the name of Jesus fucking Christ almighty was he being such a goddamn pussy!?_

_"I meant only that it need not be advertised. I thought I should clarify, knowing your loud and oblivious nature."_

_"Why the fuck would I go announce to the world that I made out with an old fucking man?" He said, trying to hurt the man's pride as a way to distract the attention from his own blunder, but wishing he hadn't said it as soon as he did._

_Kakuzu recoiled, not physically, but the slice of insult that flashed across him was unmistakable. Hidan stared, startled for a few moments to actually see such a reaction in the stone-hearted man, the cleared his throat in an attempt to somehow magically signify an apology._

_"You're the one who threw the tantrum because you thought I didn't like you." Kakuzu growled, taking an angry drink._

_"Hey, no, I don't think so. I was only pissed because I was having a good fucking time until I had to see your fucking face and be reminded that I had to go back to fucking work and pretend..." He trailed off, again slapping himself mentally. Really, why couldn't he just keep his mouth shut?_

_"And pretend you didn't have a crush on me?" Kakuzu said, his smirk a little more noticeable now than the last one Hidan had seen._

_"NO!... well... Yes... but no... Goddammit I don't fucking know!"_

_Kakuzu then shocked the hell out of the younger by letting out a small whoosh of air that sounded distinctly like a laugh. "Idiot..." He said afterward, but the insult didn't sound like an insult at all, which made a devious grin slide across Hidan's face._

_"You like me too though. So that makes you just as much of an idiot."_

_"Indeed it does."_

_"You're not going to go back to being an ass to me for no reason again, are you?"_

_"Only when you deserve it."_

_"You always think I deserve it."_

_"Exactly."_

_"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"_

_"It mean's stop talking, or I'm going to be an ass."_

_"I'm not even doing anything fucking wrong though!"_

_"Of course you'd think that. You're an imbecile."_

_"Grumpy old fucking bastard!"_

_"Immature brat."_

_Hidan stared at the elder man, staring down at his glass as he rotated it in his hands, still smiling ever-so-softly, as he turned it round and round in his hands. His tongue absently came out to run over his lips, knowing Kakuzu wouldn't see the borderline-seductive gesture. He was put off when he wasn't able to distinguish the taste of Kakuzu on them._

_The man hadn't come right out and said it, but he wasn't acting at all as if he regretted what had just happened, or that he was going to pretend it didn't. And the albino could only assume from that that he had no intention of letting things return to the way they were before. This both excited and terrified him._

_He wet his lips again, assuring himself that he'd have plenty of time to get acquainted with that taste in the future. They did work together after all, there was plenty of time for him to return the old man's little attack, now that he realized he wouldn't end up in a coma in the hospital for it._

_Dozens of possible scenarios flitted through his mind, and he leaned back in his chair, a content smile on his face, just before there was a knock on the door._

_._

Hidan raised the cigarette to his lips again, that serenity he had felt earlier fading slightly as he fought to continue standing upright despite the ever-increasing pain in his gut. Tayuya stood to his left, Kakuzu leaning against the fence that was in front of the building on his right, making a triangle. The girl was making inappropriate small talk with his boss, who seemed to be getting more and more irritated by the second. She'd come sprinting up to them after she and Shark-dick had finished that fucking hilarious scene that turned into a gag-fest of mushy, girly, romantic bullshit. Apparently the girl who brought her here had fucking disappeared and wasn't answering her phone, and she'd requested to stay the night at his apartment not having enough cash on her to get any other place to stay except a cardboard box in an alley.

He couldn't have given less of a fuck at the moment, too caught up in resisting the near-debilitating knife of pain in his stomach to think straight enough to make a rational thought. From there the three of them had meandered out front to wait on the cab Kakuzu called, who was suddenly back in a sour mood after being introduced to the girl as Hidan's employer and being thoroughly drilled with questions that repeatedly insulted his intelligence for accidentally hiring Hidan.

He knew the man didn't like Tayuya, hell, he didn't really like anyone, so he wasn't surprised, and he felt only a minimal amount of guilt at her presence, but he didn't have the energy to go much farther into it than that. What the fuck was he supposed to do? Tell her she couldn't stay with him, even though she was one of his closest friends, however annoying her presence may be at the moment?

That was unfair, he supposed, half of him was grateful for the distraction she provided. With her drunken ass blabbering away, Kakuzu's attention was being kept off of him as he struggled to act like he wasn't in burning, fiery agony. He'd taken the offered cigarette from Tayuya without really thinking, lit it up, and puffed on it as some sort of distraction from the pain, while he listened to her prattle on to his boss and his crush and his... significant other? Bah, he didn't know, he didn't have the concentration to think of such things right now.

He had felt better after he and the doctors chat, he'd been almost back to normal when Itachi came in, the pain mostly gone apparently thanks to the consumption of the water. It wasn't until he'd started laughing that it came back, what with it putting strain on his body to be stuck in his repeated fits of laughter. And after he'd briefly lost control of himself when Itachi's fuck-buddy had started rapping on stage, it had only increased. He'd done his best since then to assure everyone nothing was wrong, though no one had actually asked... But hell, that just meant he was doing a good job, right?

He wanted to go home, that was the only thing he could keep thinking to himself. He wanted to go home and curl up in his bed and wait out this damn stomach-ache in peace, as he wasn't about to fucking show weakness in front of Kakuzu. Shit, the guy had already nursed him back from nearly passing out drunk, and after making out with him and nearly driving him insane with the desire to either fuck or be fucked. (That alone had only made it worse, as he'd never 'bottomed' before, and therefore didn't really know what it was like to have the desire to.)

That was more than enough new experiences for one night, he figured. From singing on stage, kissing his boss, witnessing Itachi act like a jealous little bitch (Although that didn't really surprise him, the man had always been possessive as fuck) and now this... well, he just wanted to go home. At this point he actually felt like he could go to sleep, and stay asleep, possibly for days. Aside from the ache, his very soul was still bound by the serenity of all that had happened tonight. Though physically nothing would change, except for knowing Tayuya would be sleeping out on the couch, he somehow didn't feel as if he'd be completely alone as he slept. And with this thought, he was almost eager to go home and collapse onto his mattress.

"Hey... Hida. Are you okay?" Tayuya said, suddenly right in front of him, standing on her tippy-toes to squint in his face, though she was close enough not to need to.

He blinked in surprise and stumbled away from her, almost losing his balance as his limbs suddenly seemed to tingle and not respond correctly to his intent as if asleep.

"Shit, didn't mean to scare you." She laughed as he caught himself, quickly moving to stand where he hand been, giving her a playful shove, though unable to produce the energy to smile.

"You look even paler than usual." She continued, "I thought for a second there maybe you fucking died and now you're a ghost..." Her teasing grin faded quickly as Hidan struggled to make some sort of reaction that wouldn't give away his condition. She saw through it just as easily as everyone seemed to see through him, and reached out to grab his shoulders, stopping him from swaying there in place, which he hadn't realized he'd been doing until she stopped him.

"Just... just really fucking tired..." He said breathlessly, his vision starting to darken again. Fuck, he needed to sit down... Where the goddamn hell is that cab?

"It just pulled up." Tayuya said, confusing the hell out of him until he realized he must have said that out loud. "C'mon, you're kind of freaking me out, let's get you home to bed, psycho."

"Hidan." Kakuzu said sharply, making him jump and successfully clearing his vision again, bringing him momentarily back into clarity with the small spout of adrenaline it shot through him.

"I'm good!" He piped, happy that he didn't have to lie for the moment.

"Is your liver hurting again?" Kakuzu said, ignoring the questions that started spewing hysterically from Tayuya at these words.

Hidan jerked his head away to look at the ground. He really didn't fucking like lying, especially not to Kakuzu, who really fucking hated being lied to. But dammit, he just wanted to go home and lay down. He didn't want some kind of big ordeal being made out of this.

"I'm fine." He said, knocking Tayuya's supportive hand away and instantly falling as his knees buckled under him after an attempt to take a step.

"God fucking dammit, fuck. Fucking FUCK!" He swore on the ground, expending the last of his energy and then nearly falling face-forward onto the tarred parking lot as he was struck again with vertigo.

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" Tayuya said, half in a panic and half in some sort of rage. She moved behind him and wrapped her arms around his middle to pull him off his hands and knees and back into a sitting position. "God dammit Hidan, this isn't fucking funny. I'm too drunk for this kinda shit, you're scaring me!"

"Tch, you're such a girl." He said, managing to give her a mischievous grin, though accepting her offered hand as she hauled him back to his feet. "I just needa go home, maybe throw up a little bit, and go to sleep."  _Possibly shed a few tears. Fucking hell this hurts..._

"I don't think so." Kakuzu said, grabbing his arm and yanking him roughly to the side of the car that seemed to vaporize in front of them. He opened the back door, Hidan blinked, and tried to tell him he was fine again.

 

.

 

Then he was in the back seat of a taxi. It was moving, judging by the vibrations and the bumps that were sending waves of agony through him.

He groaned, hearing Tayuya gush about something, and then Kakuzu's deep voice replying in an impatient but soothing way.

"I've heard of people throwing up and passing out. But I've never seen anyone pass out and then throw up... Is he gonna be okay?"

"His body is trying to get everything out of his stomach so it won't poison itself anymore."

 _That... really, REALLY fucking hurts..._ He thought, flopping an arm over his stomach and grunting in pain as the pressure sent the pain flaring up to unbelievable proportions.

"Why are his eyes like that?" Tayuya said loudly as someone forced his eyes open, shining a bright light into it before letting it fall shut again, at least he thought it was loud. It sounded far away now... and echoey...

"He's suffering Acute Liver Failure, it's not pulling the toxins from the alcohol from his bloodstream, the yellowing is from the toxins. A minor case of jaundice."

"Well make it fucking stop! You're a fucking doctor aren't you!?"

"Why do you think we're going to the clinic? For the love of Benjamin, woman, shut your trap."

_Oh fuck... I'm dying. This sucks..._

 

_._

 

"I don't want to die..." He mumbled, feeling a sharp pain, like a pinch, on his inner elbow. His eyes fluttered open, squinting in confusion when he was suddenly staring up into a fluorescent light instead of the inside of a cab.

_Those look like the lights at work..._

"Shut the hell up you idiot, you're not dying. He's gonna fix you up." Tayuya's voice chided, stern as if angry but still soft with worry. It sounded as if she was above his head, which confused the ever-loving hell out of him. He tried to reach up to feel her, as the bright lights had made him clench shut his eyes. Something grabbed his wrist and pinned it roughly back to where it was. confused, he tried to sit up, only for two small hands to grip his shoulders, forcing him back down.

"Sit still, brat." Kakuzu's voice said.

"What... What the fuck..." He couldn't manage anymore than that, though he did suddenly feel the terrible sensation that he recognized as a telltale sign that he was about to vomit. He drew in a deep breath and held it until the sensation passed. He couldn't do that, not in front of Kakuzu... What was he doing anyway? Where the fuck was he? What was happening?

"Kakuzu is putting an I.V. drip in your arm Hida, so don't move."

"Where... where's Itachi... The party..."

"We left the party, remember? You got sicker than all hell, we're at the clinic trying to keep your liver from shutting down... you dope..."

"Bloody hell!" Kakuzu snarled, and Hidan felt something warm and wet run down the length of his forearm. He let his head flop to the side to look at it, flexing his fingers, smiling for some reason he didn't understand why when he saw the blood running over his fingers, and Kakuzu's gloved hands apparently trying to get a needle into his vein.

"SHIT!" Tayuya shouted,"Are you even a real fucking doctor or what!?"

"His blood is full of unfiltered alcohol, it's thinner than normal, it's going to spray. If you don't shut your damn mouth so I can work I'm going to lock you in the bathroom."

He smiled again. Hah, Kakuzu locking Tayuya in the bathroom. That would be hilarious.

He probably would too...

 

.

 

"He's not answering. I called him with Hidan's phone and I tried to use mine."

"Kisame isn't answering either." There was an irritated growl/sigh, then; "I don't know why I'm surprised. No one ever listens to the damn doctor."

"Hey don't try to act like you weren't drinking either. I can smell that shit on you."

Hidan clenched his eyes shut at the intense ringing their voices caused. His head throbbed, and his body ached like hell, like he was laying on a damn boulder. "Shut the hell up..." He muttered without meaning to. "Try'na... sleep..."

Immediately there was a tight grip on his arm. "Hida, you're awake again! Are you fucking coherent this time? How do you feel?"

His eyes snapped open, and he was temporarily blinded again by the fluorescent lights. His throat protested as he shouted out a string of swears, voice cracking several times. He started to throw an arm over his face to block it out, only to find it secured down.

Angry, he growled, pulling harder against his restraint.

"No, don't do that!" Tayuya's voice said. "Fucking idiot! You're still all loopy aren't you!?"

"LET GO OF MY FUCKING ARM!" He snarled at her.

"No, we had to tie it down so you wouldn't rip the I.V. out and bleed to death on the fucking floor. Quit thrashing you dumb ass!"

The words didn't make it all the way to a point of understanding, and starting to panic, he flailed again. This place smelled like sanitizer, and anesthetic, and iodine. Like a fucking hospital. He didn't want to be in a hospital. If he was in a hospital with an I.V. in his arm, that meant he'd accidentally overdosed again... and they would likely think he was trying to kill himself.

"Hidan!" A deep voice snapped, making him struggle harder as the image of Kakuzu flooded his mind. He wasn't trying to kill himself! They couldn't keep him here! He actually  _wanted_  to live! They couldn't pt him in that place again, he'd lose his job, he'd lose his boss. That couldn't happen, he'd only just found him. If they took him away, Kakuzu would never talk to him again.

_YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME!_

_"_ Itachi!" He cried, struggling against the hands holding him down. Oh god, what would Itachi think? How had this even happened? He didn't remember taking anything except his prescriptions. He hadn't done anything, someone set him up. It wasn't his fault, he didn't do anything. He was trying to get better! He had a job and was paying off his bills. He was making friends, hell, he might even have some kind of weird relationship now...

One of his captors grabbed his chin, trying to force him to look into their eyes. He snapped them closed. He didn't want to look at them, he didn't want to see their accusing stare, their pitiful looks. "I wasn't trying to! It's an accident! Don't do it! Don't take me to that fucking place!" He shouted, kicking his legs which had been left free, shouting over the demands of the people holding him. They couldn't keep him here, they couldn't fucking do this. "I'll fucking kill you! LET GO! FUCKING LET ME GO!"

Pain exploded on the side of his face, and his muscles relaxed in the shock, legs flopping back down uselessly onto whatever surface he was on. His eyes were open again, looking at the room. His chest was heaving as he drew in breath after breath.

White, the room was white. So white and clean. There was a door just ahead of him, a wooden door with a bronze handle. That was weird, that's what the doors at the clinic were like. That wasn't significant though, there were a lot of doors like that. Itachi's doors were like that. Maybe he was at home? No, that's not right, it was cold in here, it was freezing. It smelled like a hospital and it was cold and bright and he was strapped to a table...

"Hidan, calm down or I'm going to knock you unconscious." A deep voice grated.

"Don't... please... please don't.." He sobbed, though his eyes remained dry. "Let me go..." he said weakly.

"Dammit you brat would you look at me?!" That same voice said. "You're not going anywhere!"

He closed his eyes, vertigo taking him again now that he had lost the adrenaline that allowed him the strength to resist. Kakuzu called him that. He called him a brat, and an imbecile, and an idiot. Moron, boy, child... he was so mean, Kakuzu was... but it never bothered him as much coming from him as it did everyone else...

"I'm... gonna be late.." He muttered, not realizing that had been his voice he was hearing until after he'd said it. "'Tachi... call... Kuzu... He'll be mad."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kisame navigated the roads, making sure to stay off the highways that passed each other perpendicular through the town. It was easier to take the two-lane highway, there were less turns and it was illuminated far better than these others, but everyone took that route, and thus, that's where all the cops usually were. And though he'd never been one of those people to get lost while drunk, he would have no problem with it even if he did. After all, a police car could only legally follow you for three turns until they either had to pull you over or buzz off. Not that they were lurking around here at all anyway.

He felt giddy as he made a left, breaking the law like this was so exciting, even if it was just some stupid little meager thing that kids now-a-days did all the time for a lack of any other activities to do in town. He laughed out loud at himself, acting like a rebellious teen again, despite being long past that stage. Sitting sideways in the passenger seat with his back against the window Itachi's eyes centered on him, wearing a smirk of his own.

"What's so funny?"

"Everything." He chuckled back, turning momentarily to smile at the beauty of a man. "Hell of a party." He clarified. "Kakuzu and the kid. God.  _You_  told me,  _he_  told me, they kissed, I  _still_  can't believe it..."

"Hn, you should have realized by now that I'm always right. Even when I'm wrong, I'm right."

"You get pretty full of yourself when you're drunk, don'tcha babe?" He chuckled, making another turn, being sure to count slowly to three at the stop sign before hitting the gas.

"Mm, I'd like to be full of you." Itachi said back, making Kisame turn in surprise to him. He smiled again, showing the barest hint of perfectly white teeth, twisting a piece of hair around his finger.

A shiver ran up his spine, drawing goosebumps across the nape of his neck. That was the sneer of a predator if he'd ever seen one...

He cleared his throat, bringing his attention back to the road. Maybe bringing the hopelessly drunk Uchiha back to his house wasn't such a good idea, he didn't want to give him the wrong impression. He had no problem sharing a bed with the guy, but he meant that in literal terms. Sharing a bed for it's intended purpose; to sleep in. As far as sex went... he didn't think he was drunk enough for that...

Itachi had been perfectly respectful of his apprehension, and had been beautifully understanding, if a little bit peeved, each time he moved a little bit farther with the man, stopping when he began to feel uncomfortable. Until this point, and shit, even now, he hadn't done anything with Itachi that had been any different from being with a woman, except for the man's flat chest. Their hands had never drifted below the belt, sex had only been brought up in a teasing sort of way. But now he was realizing he was faced with the actual possibility of Itachi trying to go farther than he was comfortable with.

He was okay with feeling the way he did about the younger man. He didn't necessarily think he was gay, or bisexual, as the Uchiha was really the only guy he ever thought of in that sort of way. Maybe he was  _pan_ sexual, something the raven hair had suggested to him once. If he understood correctly, it meant you simply love people for who they were, gender had absolutely no weight in the equation.

He supposed that made sense, though he didn't understand how it could just not matter. Sex was a part of any relationship. And they both had the same equipment... It wasn't that he was confused as to how it would work, that much was pretty obvious, and honestly didn't bug him as much as he figured it would. Men and women went anal all the time, he'd never done it personally, but he didn't judge those who did. And it's not like there was some difference between a woman's ass and a man's...

Really... he wasn't even quite sure himself why he was still so unsure of the whole thing. It was hard to determine in his own mind, let alone form the thoughts into words and try to put them into a sentence to explain to his poor boyfriend. He was just scared, he assumed, it was something new, and he'd been let down so many times in his life...

Not to say he didn't trust Itachi. Hell, if there was anyone in the whole entire world that deserved it, it was Itachi. Maybe... maybe it was himself he didn't trust... The way the Uchiha looked at him, how he acted around him. He just didn't want to let him down.

What if it turned out to be another dud?

"Sorry..." Itachi said softly. "I'm drunk... This is embarrassing... I'm not trying to pressure you, I just spoke without thinking... I'm sorry." He said again.

"Don't worry about it." He said, flashing the man a reassuring smile. "It doesn't bug me, really."  _Didn't it though?_

"You're hard to resist, I can't help myself..." Itachi mumbled, his lid's drooping and then flashing open again, obviously fighting sleep. Hell, the man hadn't gone to bed last night, and here it was just after 4, he had to be dead tired. Kisame was vaguely surprised the ma was still even halfway conscious, surely nothing would come of this night. He had no reason to worry, right?

Hmm, but that was weird. He was also afraid of nothing happening. He wanted to hold the man close, breathe his scent, taste his lips, run his hands over every inch of him, learn everything there was to know. And damn, he was so beautiful, it  _was_  hard to resist. He didn't think he'd mind getting to explore everything, even in a sexual manner...

"I know the feeling." He said back, earning another seductive smile from the raven-haired beauty.

At long last his driveway came up on his right. he let out a breath of relief as he pulled in, shut the car off, and hurried to get out and escort the drunken, sleep-deprived Uchiha inside.

"You're so wonderful, Kisa." Itachi mumbled after they'd made it into the house. "Really, you've no idea. I can't understand how on earth you're single still."

He laughed, helping the man out of his coat, as he was struggling with it. "But I'm not, I have you."

"Mm, That's right. You're mine. All mine." Slender arms wrapped around him, that gorgeous face nuzzling into his chest with a content sigh.

Kisame's heart warmed and he smiled down at him, running his fingers absently through the luscious black locks. That was hard to believe both ways. The world was a miserable, lonely place, sexuality didn't even enter into it, it was the same for everyone. Happiness was like a forsaken drug, constantly reaching out to people, wrapping them in a beautiful embrace until it slipped away the next moment without warning. Love was nothing but a more singular form of happiness, even harder to acquire because it was so specific. Easy to recreate, easy to imitate, easy to fool yourself, but hard as fucking hell to actually, truly find. There was no telling how long the high would last, when it would come back, where you might find it again. People pursued it their entire existence, hoping maybe it would make one last appearance as they lay on their death beds...

To feel the way he did about this person in his arms, it frightened him, somewhat. Itachi was his drug, his happiness. Kisame was an easy-going guy, a trait he considered himself lucky to have. Always far too jovial, Kakuzu told him. Content with the way life flowed because he could accept that there would be just as many bad times as there were good. But this Uchiha, he was far too perfect, it threw off the balance. He couldn't  _not_  be happy, even when he wasn't in the man's presence, because he knew he was there, always, until the next time they would see each other. The doubt and the uncertainty didn't run rampant as they did for everyone else.

He had no problem embracing it... but happiness never lasted. False love never lasted, and the real thing was so very, very rare...

And maybe that's what he was afraid of. He could continue being easy-going and jovial for the rest of his life knowing that unexpected curve balls would be coming. But with such a permanent fixture, he knew he would get attached. Hell, he was already attached, and what would happen when life decided he'd had enough happiness? What it if fell apart?

No, it wasn't Itachi he didn't trust, it wasn't himself that he didn't trust. It wasn't the thought of being intimate with another man. It was just life. It was his damned humanity, so fearful of the unknown. Unable to enjoy what's right in front of him for the fact that he cannot un-glue his eyes from the horizon.

"I am." He finally whispered back, leaning down to scoop the man up and carry him bridal-style to his bedroom. "But you, my Angel, need to get your drunken, delirious, ass to sleep."

"Oh yay, a sleepover." He said, his extreme attempt but utter failure at girly enthusiasm made Kisame breathe out a laugh. Was there anything that this man wasn't?

" I sleep naked, you know..." He snickered, face snuggled to the taller man's chest and, if Kisame wasn't mistaken, sniffing him deeply over and over.

"Oh do you now? Even though you've normally got an unpredictable, hyper, man-child that lives in your house?"

"Well... I sleep naked at  _your_  house."

"You've never slept here before."

"Well I've decided that's what I'll do. Don't argue with me, Kisame. I'm always right, remember? " He said, pinching the mans chest and then squealing in surprise when he was tossed onto the bed. The older chuckled and climbed over him before he had a chance to change position.

"I guess I'll just have to keep you awake, neh?" He left a trail of sweet kisses down his neck, the younger craning his neck as he stretched and yawned.

"Nope, I think you should probably help me with these. I'm so very tired, you know." He said, pulling weakly at Kisame's Shirt. There was a double meaning to that that the oceanic man managed to catch. And unrefined Itachi was by far the cutest damn thing he'd ever fucking laid eyes on.

"Those are  _my_  clothes, angel."

"Yes. You sleep naked too."

"You're so insightful. How did you know?"

"I know everything."

"Oh, then what do you think will happen if we're both naked in the same bed?"

"We'll go to sleep, obviously."

"You think so?"

"Yes. Eventually."

Kisame let him pull the piece of fabric off of him, studying his face, his sweet smile, his adoring eyes as he let his hands run over his own chest, down his sides, up his arms. Tracing over his scars as he always did,studying them as if they held some sort of secret to be discovered, looking at them in such fiery interest that it would appear to anyone else as if he'd never seen them before, and had to examine them immediately. Kisame closed his eyes, letting the sensation melt into his skin, he couldn't feel through his scars as well as the un-marred skin on his body, and the nerves of each layer of dermis' had been stripped away by the ferocity of the shark he'd wrestled with. There were a couple spots where, even if you took a knife and pushed it through his flesh, he would not feel it until it went deep enough to bypass the dead nerves. He still enjoyed it anyway. The women he'd been with had always been apprehensive about touching them, what with women and their focus on outer appearance, their fear of causing offense. It felt nice, he thought, to have someone so brazenly unafraid and curious about them. Finally, Itachi's hands seemed to get their fill, and they reached his face again, cupping at his jawline and gently pulling their mouths together.

His body lit up with the familiar feeling of those lips on his, as it did every time, responding to whatever strange connection it was that attracted him so powerfully to this man. All his beauty, inner and outer alike, felt almost as if merging with him, trickling into him with a burning intensity that, as always, had him wanting more.

His mind, not nearly as intoxicated as Itachi's but certainly not sober, seemed to take a step back when those long fingers trailed down him so lightly that there was almost no touching at all. Down his chest, his sides, to his hips, and then back up again to slip behind his neck, pulling him closer gently but possessively. He let himself be pulled, he wanted to be closer, and though those nagging doubts still tugged on the outskirts of his awareness, they were much quieter now, pushed back by the sensation of everything that was Itachi Uchiha.

They broke apart briefly, his courage returning to him in his hunger for more, so that he could slip the man's shirt off of him in one smooth motion that he wasn't really even sure how he managed. As soon as it was off he was dragged back down again, excitement making his very skin tingle as angelic hands smoothed over his body again, exploring the same as they always did, but with more intent now, more knowledge as to what would turn him on (Which was pretty much anything the Uchiha did) and what wouldn't. (Nothing wouldn't, because everything did.)

Again he felt the tugging, but he pushed it aside. No distractions, no doubt. When life gave you lemons, you made lemonade. When life gave you Itachi, you never,  _ever_  pulled away from him. Not for all the insecurity or discomfort in the world.

He did trust him, with all he had. And he decided there in that moment that even if he didn't trust fate or chance or whatever force controlled the universe, he would trust in this man below him, his addicting and overwhelming new presence in his life, the adoration he felt for him. That's what life was made of, the pursuit of happiness, and he'd be damned if he'd purposely let it get away from him all for the sake of something so ridiculous as fear of the unknown. How bloody idiotic, Kakuzu would say, that people constantly lost the things they cared about most because they wasted all their time fearing that they would lose it and so unable to enjoy it while they had it. In some cases, it was almost as stupid as simply taking it for granted, assuming that it would just always be there. They were essentially the same damn thing, when you really get to the nitty-gritty.

Fingers slipped into the edge of his jeans, and his back arched without thought, stomach sucked in, allowing them to slip lower at the subtle downward pressure given to them. A soft sigh came from his lover, and had his eyes not already been closed, they would have fluttered shut at the wave of desire and satisfaction it brought out in him.

He re-positioned himself, not breaking the contact of their mouths until he could rest his weight on one hand. With the other he smoothed the tousled, black strands back, exposing the creamy porcelain skin of Itachi's neck. He attacked it with abandon, mind taking yet another step back from reality, his body acting on it's own now.

The younger drew in a sharp breath as he was bitten sharply and then soothed again by Kisame's scarred lips, Thin legs drawing up to wrap themselves around his lower torso somehow without pushing any further space between them.

 _The pants, and my boxers..._  He thought, not sure if Itachi was wearing underwear, excited by the mystery.  _Three layers between us. Maybe four._

Easily removed layers of weak cloth and stitching.

_Not yet though, not yet._

He scooted down the lithe body, wishing he could watch the expressions run across his lovers face as he let out his sighs of pleasure and anticipation as he licked and sucked his way down to the man's chest. It's not so different from a girl, still, he reasoned to himself. Just a flat-chested girl, the young man was so far, responding the same way they did, feeling the same sensations.

It helped that the man kept himself so wonderfully clean-shaven, not a single hair on his body except those beautiful locks on his scalp. He didn't have to worry about that half of the transition, the body hair. He thanked whoever was listening for that, as tasting that would probably somewhat ruin his new found drive and acceptance of what was likely going to happen.

So smooth. So soft. God, he wanted all of it.

Tentatively he peeked up at his lover, who was blinking lazily up at the ceiling, arms splayed up over his head, taking short, shallow breathes with eyes glazed, looking but not seeing, before he flicked his tongue over an exposed nipple. The body below him tensed, and arched, begging for more with another quiet gasp that morphed into the softest whisper of his name.

He let out a shaky breathe at the rush this gave him, nearly consuming the hardened bud of flesh, sucking and swirling his tongue around it with the experience that had been used only of women previous to this. Itachi arched further and moaned - _Exactly the same..._  he thought,  _Man or woman, it feels the same._

He teased the other with his free hand, pinching and biting in sync until the body beneath him writhed in euphoria. He broke away, unable to mask his smile of pride as he leaned back forward to reunite their mouths, as those wonderful lips with the cat-like grin tasted so much better than just flesh, though it was certainly a close second.

Itachi's subtlety, or what scant amount there was left of it, left then as he was pulled with surprising ferocity on top of him, crushing their bodies and mouths together alike, pushing his weight upon the small person beneath him. He didn't seem to mind though, and so Kisame didn't shift to balance himself as his mouth was invaded aggressively.

There would be no interruptions this time, something he was both genuinely pleased about and still somewhat unsure of. He pushed the latter back, his determination not to be overridden by that damned nagging insecurity.

He wanted this, heart and soul and body.

Drunk or not, he wanted to memorize every second.

_This is how the first time should be, every time, for everyone._

With surprising strength he was pushed sideways, his brief distraction used against him, rolling off the smaller man and then in the same motion their positions switched, Itachi now straddled over his hips, rubbing their groins together, doing nothing to reduce either man's hunger or arousal.

His hands slid down the thin torso and slipped beneath the smaller's black slacks, his curiosity pleasantly satisfied and arousal doubled two-fold to find that the younger was, indeed, going commando. He wrapped his hands around the lower cheeks, reveling how they were the perfect size for both his hands to grasp firmly and comfortably, despite the two men's difference in size.

 _Soul-mates._   _Destined to be together since their birth. That's what Itachi called Kakuzu and Hidan... but maybe they were too... Built specifically to grow into everything the other would ever want, guaranteeing they would see each other and be unable to resist the attraction._

He squeezed and pulled, manipulating the Uchiha into a slow grind against him, no resistance given to the motions at all. They rocked like that, mouths working, hips grinding, lungs fighting to draw in enough oxygen through their nostrils as they refused to break away from each other. Itachi sighed out all sorts of unidentifiable or describable sounds, driving Kisame's libido closer and closer to a breaking point, as well as making his jeans feel ridiculously tight and constricting.

"You're going to make me lose what sanity I have..." Itachi whispered, their faces inches apart. Kisame only replied with a grin.

"Or you could just lose the pants..."

The beauty of a man gave something between a moan and a growl before slipping down to stand on his own feet, leaning over to almost frantically undo Kisame's fly. Kisame pushed away the humor that tried to sneak a laugh out of him at Itachi's eagerness, despite feeling like he could destroy this beautiful man from the inside out in the sexual frustration of the moment. When it was done he pulled both layers down, slowly, staring with deadly intent at the slow exposure.

Unashamed and turned on by the display beyond belief, Kisame let him, sitting up when his pants dropped around his ankles and Itachi seemed to be too taken in utter awe to remove the article of clothing completely.

He shimmied them off without using his hands, as they were currently taken up with the task of removing the other's slacks. When the deed was done they both sat in a brief silence, looking at each other in the dim light provided by the streetlamp filtering through the window.

"How are you so perfect?" Itachi suddenly asked, making a face as if he were about to burst into tears of joy.

Not knowing any other natural responses, Kisame only said; "I was wondering the same about you."

In another instant he was pinned down to the bed again by the man who he was happy to observe was stronger than he appeared, his mouth being attacked and invaded in the best possible way. They stayed like that, skin on skin, heat against heat, grinding and moving against each other and reveling in their shared nudity until Itachi slipped downward, back to the edge of the bed.

"Can I...?" He asked softly, gripping Kisame's painfully erect member and stroking slowly, Blowing all rational thoughts from the man's mind. It it had been intense before with those feminine, slender, sexy hands just running across his skin, seeing it grip him  _there_  was... was...

He could only groan in response, and with a devious smile Itachi opened that devine mouth of his and wrapped it around his lover's most sensitive piece.

 

* * *

 

 _This might hurt a little..._  Was the first thought that ran through Itachi's already overwhelmed mind as the tastes he'd desired for so long danced across his tongue.

By all means, he hadn't expected Kisame to be small. That was such an insult, surely his equipment would be just as large as the rest of him. But that thought had never really cemented itself in his mind until he felt the sheer girth of the man in his own mouth. Average sized would be good, Itachi had happily said. He'd been with men, but not so many that he needed anything bigger than average to satisfy him.

Kisame was bigger than average though.

 _But only for a few seconds..._  He thought again, his mouth watering to his own delight as he started to move his head down, back up, and down again.  _Then I'm going to possibly die of pleasure..._ At least he hoped so. What better way to go? He didn't know, he didn't care, he could only think about this wonderful piece of artwork in his mouth, resisting the blush that seared over his face when he glanced up to see Kisame staring at him, licking his lips like a lion about to leap out and catch it's prey.

He felt silly, a little, for being as embarrassed as he was. He'd had plenty of experience with this sort of thing, and being self-conscious was somewhat of a new thing for him. But it only added to the excitement that already threatened to break from the restrains he was trying so desperately to keep it in.

He couldn't just go about it like a sex-crazed animal, it would ruin the mood and perfection of the moment, and though Hidan always called him a slut, though the entire town seemed to somehow get the impression that he was despite the absolute lack of evidence (Because there wasn't any, because he wasn't one.) he wouldn't enforce the accusation by acting like one, even in the privacy of Kisame's house. What two people did with their beloved in their own homes was no one else's business, but since when had that ever stopped society? And it wasn't even society, there were principles on this sort of thing, sex principles. This was Kisame's first time, he couldn't use every trick in his arsenal right off the bat or every time following it would just be increasingly boring and uneventful.

But Fuck, he wanted this man inside him. Like, now.

Kisame was gripping the bed sheets, mouth closed but jaw clenched tightly, if it weren't for the labored breathing and sensual moans escaping him it might appear he wasn't enjoying it. So complicated, sex sometimes was.

He continued working his mouth, tongue, and jaw over the appendage, pushing as much as he comfortably could into him, and using a hand to stroke the remainder. His eyes closed as he reveled in it, focusing briefly on the taste and the near inaudible sounds and gravelly sigh-growls Kisame offered him for his effort. So beautiful, everything about this man. It didn't make sense, because it was impossible for someone like him to exist.

Human's weren't perfect, not in any form of matter. Their personalities were always fouled by one sin or another. After four months, which admittedly wasn't that long, but it was long enough, by Itachi's standards, one would think that by now he'd be able to recognize some sort of flaw in their significant other. The Uchiha was the master of breaking people down with nothing more than a glance, he could depict a perfect rendition of their personality with nothing more than a bit of prolonged eye contact. Kisame though, was different.

Most people, through trying to hide themselves, made it all the easier for him to see through them. But Kisame didn't care. He hid nothing, he was ashamed of nothing, even in his shamed he was somehow still unashamed, even the stuff that could be considered bad. He had no quarrels with his life, and never had up until recently when he'd realized his feelings for Itachi. That had passed so easily though, and even now he wasn't hiding anything.

Why this made it so hard to figure him out, he didn't know. It should make everything easier, by all means. But it didn't. He couldn't help but think that it wasn't as hard as he was making it, that he needed to stop trying to over-analyze and just let it be, and surely it would bring about his epiphany. But it didn't, and he didn't understand. And every new thing he discovered about the man only increased the confusion and awe he was constantly trapped in. And this was what had prompted his previous question;  _How are you so perfect?_

Even his non-perfections were perfect. Itachi liked to keep himself hairless, for obvious reasons. He he himself wasn't that fond of body hair, unless it was purposely and strategically placed, and sometimes not even then. But Kisame, in all his naked glory, had somehow gotten it right without even trying.

He had only a small triangle on his chest, low enough to not show when he wore his usual V-neck tee's, (Which is kind of a 'mind-fuck' if you asked Itachi. It gave you the impression that it wasn't there until he took his shirt off.) which narrowed out into a point just short of his abdomen, disappearing for a moment before it started again just below his belly button. Whether he kept it trimmed or if it was naturally like that, he didn't know, after all Kisame was known to take care of his looks as carefully as any gay man would. His back, thankfully, was smooth and perfect, back hair wasn't attractive even on an ape.

As far as the pubic area, well, such a topic was never pleasant, and unattractively awkward in any circumstance.

But like everything else, it was just... so imperfectly perfect. Short and soft despite being a little course, not too thick and not creepy and patchy. Something so distasteful made into an acceptable and almost artful form. Damn, if only he know know... There was just no way Kisame was only human...

"Oh Fuck, Itachi..." Kisame said, after a mere seven minutes of his manhood being carefully attended to by the younger's mouth.

"Mm-mm..." Was all he could manage, unable to even shake his head to tell the man he wasn't ready to stop before he had the chance to suggest it. It might be embarrassing, momentarily, if his lover accidentally came in his mouth, but he wouldn't mind. In fact he drooled a little more at the thought, happy that the light didn't quite reach him well enough to illuminate the mess he was making.

Hey, he couldn't be pristine constantly, sex was a dirty, sloppy thing, even at the best of times.

He continued doing what he was doing with a little more energy, which provoked the man on the bed to lift his arms up, sliding them up to cover his face as he growled into them, letting out a jerky, detached string of curses out in whispers and husky sighs.

Itachi wasn't worried, surely someone like Kisame would have plenty of stamina. And if not, well, he'd have to get a little forceful, which he reasoned would probably only make the man enjoy himself more, seeing as he liked being 'bested' by the Uchiha.

Kisame apparently had other thoughts on the matter, which brought out a laugh of approval as the oceanic man finally seemed to be pushed beyond the edge of self-control. He lurched himself suddenly up, and in reaction Itachi removed his mouth from the organ to look up at his gaze, intense and  _hungry._

And within the next second the smaller man was grabbed and hauled from his half-kneeled state, flipping them around again to return to the exact position they'd been in before, this time with the pleasant absence of clothes.

He gasped when Kisame's soaked, slippery appendage rubbed against his own with a delicious thrust. His mouth was probed again, his back and really, entire spine, arched involuntarily as his own excitement began to spike again.

Good, he thought, he was afraid he'd have to be on top. He didn't mind that position usually, but not for first times. Never for first times. More of the unspoken sex-principles. And he realized with an inner mental kick that this meant he was going to be unprepared, most likely. Kisame was used to having intercourse with women, which were most often self-lubricated. And this thought did concern him, because Kisame was big, and that... that would hurt.

He grabbed the man's broad shoulders and pulled him closer, biting his ear sharply.

The only option here to keep from having some sort of awkward gay-sex lesson would to be to hurry and get this thing initiated before all his saliva left the rock-hard member, twitching aginst his own in thinly restrained anticipation.

Honestly, he had no quarrels with that, he hadn't slept in nearly two days, after all, as immensely wonderful as this moment was. This was enough foreplay anyway, he decided, especially for a beginner like Kisa.

"I need you now..." He whispered into the man's ear, still pulled close to him. "Please..."  _Ugh, that was humiliating..._  he thought, flinching away from himself mentally. He hated that kind of behavior and more specifically , that phrase, but this damn alcohol paired with his exhaustion and simultaneous excitement and adrenaline was making him desperate. It had the desired effect, at least. Kisame tensed for a moment, as if having too stop and process the words, before he pulled back, seeming to regain some of his awareness as he looked at Itachi, who was doing his best to look as sexy as possible.

 _If he backs out now I'm going to kill him..._  Itachi thought, tipping his head down and looking up at the man with a hopeful pout, an expression very similar to puppy eyes, but with more dignity. He shifted while the man seemed to war internally with himself, pushing up to a half-way reclined sitting position, his knees still drawn up on either of Kisame's hip-bones. He kissed the strong jaw, down his muscled neck, gave a few sharp bites to his shoulder junction, all means of distracting the man as he reached between them. He wiggled slightly, positioning himself, and then smiled deviously up at his lover when he let out a sort of choked-off moan when Itachi slipped his hand once again around the other's manhood. He kissed him softly on the scarred, slightly parted lips once, twice, shifting slowly to press the to to his hole.

"Kisa...?" He asked again after a third kiss, as the man had gone shock-still. His eyes cleared from the thoughtful fog, flicking to Itachi, features unreadable. The endless black pits flicked back and forth between Itachi's coal for a moment before some sort of internal decision was apparently made, as his lovers tense expression relaxed into a smile.

He smiled back, a genuine one with his teeth showing, unable and unwilling to stop it as the accepting expression Kisame made nearly made his heart explode with love and adoration. He began to move toward him, nearly in slow motion. Their lips connected first, distracting the younger from the increasing pressure on his hole, and then, unexpectedly despite being completely expected, the thick layer of Itachi's improvised lubrication worked like a charm and thanks to a quick-but-still-slow thrust, Kisame was inside him.

 

_._

 

His head was thrown back as a cry somewhere between pain and unyielding pleasure exploded from him.

_Yeah, that definitely hurt._

He couldn't take the time to be embarrassed about it though, he was too taken by the predatory laughter coming from the man pressed closely to him, attempting to distract him from the burning in his ass with afflicting sharp bites and rough sucking to his throat.

Right, Kisame wasn't completely inexperienced. He knew all the basic fundamentals, and apparently had been informed of his larger than normal size, which led him to learn how to do what he was doing now.

He heard himself whimper in between heavy breaths when he tried to move, in that same mixture of pain and pleasure. Kisame was absolutely still from the waist down, giving him time to adjust and meanwhile showering him with affection.

 _Touch me..._  He tried to say, unable to for the overwhelming satisfaction of being filled the way he was. It didn't hurt now, but he knew as soon as the man moved it would start stinging again. But, at the same time, until he started moving again, it would not get better. And he needed more distraction than just kisses, more stimulation.

But he couldn't seem to speak words or move his own body aside from flopping his arms numbly onto Kisame's shoulders and around his neck. And so his wishes went unheeded, something he was grateful for in the next minute, as he very well might have died right there in an orgasm. He hadn't intended it to be some sort of signal that he was ready for more, but it was taken that way, and Kisame pulled back and thusly, out.

A breath hissed in through the younger's teeth at the same time a slight grunt escaped the man above him. This made him snap his eyes open, looking at the man in question, who smiled apologetically.

"Sorry... Angel..." He said, it sounded forced, like ,he too, was in pain. "You're...Ah, kind of really tight. Kind of, ngh... kind of hurts a little."

For some reason that still baffles the Uchiha, he burst into laughter, which of course clenched all the muscles in his body, which in turn made Kisame let out a loud, snarling, swear. This would have made him laugh more if he wasn't also thrown into quite a bit of pain from the action. He managed to restrain himself to near maniacal giggles, which Kisame patiently tried to talk down from through clenched teeth. When it didn't work, the ocean-loving man resorted to other measures, successfully shutting the younger up with a sharp thrust, sending his giggles into a high-pitched moan.

The sound closed the door on all entertainment with a heavy finality as stars exploded then behind Itachi's lids. Self control flew out the window, logical thought abandoned him after he recognized the sound of one last growl of arousal from Kisame. Then his world was thrown into oblivion, indescribable pleasure zapping through him like electricity as the larger man started moving rhythmically above him.

Reality, the world, the past and the future, everyone one and everything in his life all disappeared in a flicker of awareness. There was only he and Kisame and this nirvana they found themselves in. He was very distantly aware that he may or may not be shouting as the seconds passed by, as the pressure built up in him, and aside from that random bit of clarity he had no idea what else was going on. He was kissed a few times, he thought. Maybe some sort of strange conversation took place in gasped half-words, and then he was absolutely sure he was screaming, trying to release some of this overwhelming ecstasy flooding through his veins like molten fire. He remembered telling Kisame ferociously that if he stopped he would eat him alive, despite his vague concern that he may very well pass out at any time, and if there was some kind of hidden sexual meaning behind that or if it was a genuine threat, he honestly didn't know. He didn't have the focus right now to do any sort of prolonged thinking. It was all he could do to keep grasping at that thread that kept him alive and breathing in the mist of this euphoric hurricane.

They were in that nowhere-place for hours, the seventh heaven, some people called it, it felt like. He had no idea how much time actually passed, and honestly he didn't care. Kisame stayed with him, moving in sync, breathing with him, moaning with him. He felt his own fingers digging into the man's skin, heard curses of bliss and disbelief of that bliss exchanged ruthlessly between them. The frequency of the thrusts growing steadily faster, so slow and regularly that neither seemed to realize until some sort of cord snapped in that nowhere-world in Itachi's head.

He didn't know what he said in his pleasure-filled panic, but he knew he pulled himself up, clinging to the anchor of a man above him when it happened. Somewhere in the back of his mind he recalled fighting a terrible un-ending war that lasted years and years and yet no more than a millionth of a second as to whether to scream out  _OH MY FUCKING GOD,_ Or Kisame's name, when he finally toppled over the brink of sanity and climaxed with frightening ferocity.

In the end he just did both, he knew.

He was enveloped in an insanely comfortable blanket of darkness and exhaustion after that, the waves of pleasure caused from the hurricane of ecstasy washed over him, smoothly retreating in a way that left him feeling thoroughly satisfied. He felt the vertigo and movement of the world around him as something moved him on whatever soft surface he was on. Warmth flooded over his skin that he hadn't realized was cold until if was covered in what he could only assume was a comforter. His breathing slowed as he managed to roll to his side, halfway out of of the rapturous purgatory he'd been in, but still as appeased as he'd been while in the midst of it.

He didn't know if Kisame managed to feel the same thing, he could only assume that he had finished as well, and in the darkness he smiled happily when a pressure wrapped around his middle, pulling him close to something warm, something thudding steadily in the rhythm of a heartbeat. he sighed, managing to maneuver his still numb-feeling arm over the one wrapped around him, entwining their fingers.

 _I'll never leave this place..._  He promised himself.  _We'll stay here forever..._

 _"Forever..."_ A deep voice assured him. " _My Angel..."_

A kiss to his temple, a caress on his cheek, and finally he let himself sleep, feeling as if he could die right now and go straight to hell where the world assured him he'd go, and he still wouldn't care.


	17. Chapter 17

Hidan stood with his back to Kakuzu, his arms held stiffly down to his sides, palms facing forward with fingers splayed. His head was tipped every so slightly up to the sky, and though the doctor could not see them, he knew his eyes were closed, and that he was smiling that sort of smile that doesn't show on the face so much as just in the general language of the body.

He knew it just like he knew that 400 feet directly below the face of the cliff Hidan was standing on were jagged, evil-looking rocks that remained sharp and deadly despite the years and years of ocean washing up over them, chiding them in differing voices, both rough and soft to quit being so wicked, so  _wrong_ , never to any avail.

A bit of the ledge crumbled beneath Hidan's bare feet, but he did not move, and Kakuzu did not move.

"What do you think it takes to live forever?" Hidan asked him, his voice pinging through the old man's soul, loud and resonate, despite being 20 feet away from him and having the sound of the crashing waves and humming wind between them.

"There is no such thing." He replied, not sure why he said it, but not disagreeing with his own words.

"I know..." Hidan said back sadly, though not sad at all. As if he'd known the answer, but had been hoping for something else anyway. "There's no such thing as 'special'. We're all just people..." He paused to let out an airy sort of chuckle. "Isn't that the most fucking depressing shit  _ever_?" He turned around, wearing that smile-but-not-smile and faced Kakuzu, his silver hair tousled by the salty air, those damnable peony-pink eyes looking at him and past him, like he was subconsciously aware of some great truth, but his conscious self had been struggling for years and years to find it, never able to.

 _Why is he so captivating?_ He thought without thinking, Just a voice that mimicked his own that fluttered through his head.  _It's the crazy ones that speak the most truth..._

"Are you scared to die?" Hidan asked him suddenly, taking a step back toward the cliff, which crumbled a little more. Kakuzu wanted to lurch forward, he felt his heart jump up into his throat, he wanted to pull Hidan away from there and tell him to be careful, but his body refused to move, his panic was far and distant as he stared at the pale man, as if not really feeling it, trying only to convince himself too.

"I don't know." He answered honestly.  _I'm scared for you to die..._

"I am. Even though I want it... I don't know what it is though." He said, eyes never leaving Kakuzu's. "I want it, but only because I have no other choice but to accept it. If I could reject it I would, though I don't really have any reason to live past my expiration date. I want to be special, even though I kind of don't."

The Doctor only stared back at him, trying repeatedly to say the words that buzzed in his head, to give his opinion, to scold the idiot for his ideals, to comfort him, to harangue him, to offer what little wisdom he had. But he could not seem to do anything of his own will at the moment. He understood this, for some reason, but it frustrated him never-the-less. Hidan was getting closer and closer to that edge. If he wasn't careful, he  _would_  die. And Kakuzu was powerfully disturbed by how much this thought petrified him, and how he could see no future for himself beyond Hidan's existence.

"I don't know what I want, Kakuzu. Is that weird? I only know what I  _don't_  want. And that doesn't help at all..."

 _Doesn't help what?_  He tried to say, again to no avail.  _You can want me._ His thoughts said again without approval.  _You can want me because you can have me._

"What the hell is life anyway, huh? Is it just not-death? We're all just in not-death? Damn sobriety... Why is it that everything that kills you helps you live? Everything good for you just...hurts."

Hidan took a step back and this time Kakuzu finally moved toward him, his hand slowly raising and stretching out toward the younger. "What are you doing?" His voice said, though he would much rather have said many other things, most of them in a much louder volume and followed by insults.

"I'm gonna find out... I think..." Hidan replied, another tiny step backward, his heel dangled over the side. "Are you good for me, Kakuzu?"

_Of course I am, you idiot. I saved your life._

"No."

_What!?_

"That's good. And bad. But mostly good... So you can come with me?"

_No._

"Yes."

_WHAT!?_

Hidan smiled a real smile now, one that crinkled the edges of his eyes and made those dimples that were childlike and so very grown up at the same time stand out. He held his hand out, his fingernails a shimmery sort of forest-green, a ring on his finger that the Doctor couldn't read, as the inscription faced away from him. And he wondered why Hidan had painted his nails, he'd never done that before. His own hand reached out, slowly, and Kakuzu thought to himself,  _I will grab him and yank him back and beat the bloody hell out of him._

But like with the rest of the thoughts and actions he wanted, it did not happen. He took Hidan's hand, and he took the steps up to him, and he grabbed the smiling fool and drew him close and he kissed him as long and hard as he could.

Because oblivion and death and the unknown  _were_  terrifying. And he didn't want him to go alone. Hidan didn't like to be alone, he somehow knew, just as he somehow understood the cryptic words Hidan spoke and the significance of those damned rocks and that crumbing cliff. And so he wouldn't let him be. He couldn't seem to save him, to  _fix_  him, so he would just go with him. That made sense, right?

What more surprises awaited him anyway...?

The cliff fell away beneath them, his stomach lurched as they began to fall. He opened his eyes too look at Hidan's, afraid for the fact that he was so unafraid. And he realized that they weren't falling. Hidan was staring at him with that mischievous grin as they stood there in the air.

"It's all about perception..." Hidan said, and kissed him again.

And then he woke up.

* * *

 

"Bloody goddamn dreams..." He mumbled, after he'd smoothed out his clothes, swallowed 5 aspirin pills and drank ten of those irritating little Dixie cups of water from the cooler at the back of the clinic. Why did he even get those stupid, tiny things? Useless...

 _Goddamn realistic dreams..._  He said in his own mind. More useless than those aggravating paper cups. He'd never had a dream quite like that one, usually they were random, obviously containing no sort of hidden meaning. Why did that one feel so significant? It still buzzed around in his head like a damned fly. Usually he couldn't remember them after waking up, usually they did not linger in his memory, confused as to the fact that they were dreams and not real memories.

Whatever. It meant nothing. Just a useless dream, life's way of pushing him into a bad mood right off the bat. His mind still trying to process the thoughts of Hidan's most recent 'episode.' He'd just blame it on the alcohol, always blame the alcohol.

He glanced at the clock as he moved past it, the inanimate object rudely explained to him that it was just past 10 A.M. and he growled under his breath. The sun had been peeking through his heavy blinds in his office, but he hadn't thought it would be  _that_  late in the day.

 _Why don't I ever listen to myself?_  He thought for a second, receiving flashes of his dreams and how he'd been unable to control himself at the reminder. He shook his head to push it from his mind, thinking instead about how irritating it was that he'd just spent 4 hours sleeping at his desk, unable to go home and get proper rest once again because that damned idiot had got inside his head and wreaked havoc again.

Last night, the events following that heated kiss had not been pretty. He had been completely off track in his assumption that Hidan would be okay with just water to flush him out. The man was apparently very tolerant of pain, as anyone else in his shoes would not have been able to put up nearly as convincing of an act that he was fine. He was impressed, and also perturbed. What kind of idiot goes on acting like nothing's wrong when they're in such crippling pain like that?

_Kind of like what you did for the last 3 months?_

He shook the thought from his head with physical effort and grit his teeth.

Kakuzu was angry at this scenario, for one. He was always angry, but he was especially angry now, at Hidan's psychiatrist for instigating that ridiculous combination of drugs, knowing Hidan's history of drug and alcohol abuse. Why on earth would he balance the idiot on such a precarious scale like that? Sure, the medications did their job well enough when there wasn't any other sort of influence to offset their intended purpose, But add alcohol to them and suddenly you had an instant recipe for death. And the sheer amount of alcohol Hidan had ingested, dear God, the night could have gone so much worse if he had not shown up. The insufferable idiot would have died in his sleep, without a doubt.

_Miracle or coincidence?_

He was mad at Itachi, though much less so, Even though really, that didn't make sense. Surely he had to know how terribly dangerous that combination of medications was, he had to realize how bloody stupid it would be to let Hidan drink without the drugs being completely out of his system. He understood that the Uchiha seemed to hold Hidan in the highest regards, he understood what he was trying to do, but the fact is that despite being the man's friend, despite trying to help him find happiness, he should not give into the man-child's whims like the parent of some spoiled child just to make him happy, especially when you know damn well the risks.

That's like letting your child run out into oncoming traffic to retrieve their favorite red ball when there were a million identical red balls at the store.

He was not an idiot either. He knew why neither the Uchiha or Kisame were answering their phones. He was not really mad at them because of that, but he was still blown completely away by how oblivious they could both be. How could they have not seen this coming? Honestly! Some people...

He had thought long and hard about this just before he'd apparently dozed off. The only conclusion he could seem to come to is that obviously, every single interaction that had occurred that had pushed He and Hidan together, had been some sort of scheme between the two. And he could conclude that this must fall under the same pretenses.

Really, acute liver failure isn't all that horribly serious as far as medical emergencies go. It's easily treated on most occasions, and as a result, easily recovered from. The only way he could come to any sort of conclusion as to how Itachi Uchiha, who in all instances appeared to be an incredibly bright person, could have been so utterly stupid as to let this happen was to rationalize that he'd done it on purpose.

Yes, get them to announce their feelings for each other, walk in on them to appear to keep the damage controlled, send them home together knowing that Hidan was going to have this reaction. Kakuzu would save Hidan's life and they would develop some sort of unbreakable bond that would ignore reality completely and somehow miraculously solve each and every one of their problems.

Indeed, surely that wouldn't be nightmaricly traumatic for the both of them, it wouldn't expose an ugly, vulnerable side of Hidan that would humiliate him and for some reason sort of make Kakuzu's chest hurt a little bit. It wouldn't make the Doctor want to crack their skulls open for playing with Hidan's life like that, and surely it wouldn't piss him off even more to wonder why the hell he was so defensive of the loud, vulgar, little idiot.

It did sort of make him realize though, how very little he knew about this man. And also in turn, how very little Hidan knew about him. How could someone feel this obsessive possession over someone and not even know who they are?

There was a very loud snoring that drifted halfway drown the hallway as he shuffled up toward the examination room. The high-pitched sound of it led him to assume it was that pink-headed brat, and indeed, as he peeked into the darkened waiting room, he found her draped in a terribly uncomfortable looking position across some of the waiting chairs, squeezed in between the arms so that she could stretch out. He hmph'd and turned into the room where he'd last left Hidan, hooked to an IV line on his right arm, a pulse monitor on his right index finger.

The insufferable bitch had most likely not been a part of the Uchiha's plans, but damn if she didn't make everything worse, and also slightly better. Her mouth was enough to drive anyone over the brink of insanity, always talking, talking, talking, 'fuck' this and 'bastard' that and 'bullshit' here and 'assfuck goddamn balls' over there. Good lord, He'd take Hidan's shouting idiocy any day over that annoying drabble. It only stood to reinforce his belief that women were mostly useless but for bearing children and driving you crazy.

Unfortunately, she  _had_  helped. Trying to wrestle Hidan and talk him down out of his barely-conscious frenzy and treat him at the same time all by himself would have been excruciatingly difficult. She wasn't really strong, but she was forceful, and unafraid to literally use every single ounce of her weight to push the struggling albino down. And he could at least give her credit, she had not shed one single tear, and aside from the endless questions, she had not broken down and over-reacted like females so often did. In fact she repeatedly called Hidan a fucking idiot for acting the way he did. ' _Jesus fucking hell he thinks he's dying...'_ She'd scoffed after he'd woken up and struggled against them for the final time. ' _I'm assuming 'Kuzu' is you. That's adorable, but fuckin' really, he's such a goddamn drama queen.'_

He glanced at the man, still sleeping soundly as he moved directly over to the counter to scoop up his stethoscope and dinamap. Hidan's heartbeat and pulse were just fine, and so he took the chance, while the albino was still unconscious and wouldn't burst out with his incessant complaining, to prick his finger, take a swatch of blood, and transfer it back into the lab to check his billirubin levels.

It was still higher than he'd like, but there was a very significant decrease in the blood levels. Until the man woke up and relieved himself by either traditional means or vomiting and got the stuff completely out of his system, it wouldn't be able to clear up completely. But at least his body wasn't being poisoned any longer.

He disposed of the blood sample, blanked out the machine and left the room to return to Hidan's side. Hidan's dream-voice echoing through his head much to his disapproval.  _"What do you think it takes to live forever? There's no such thing as 'special'. Isn't that the most depressing shit ever?"_

It was, Kakuzu thought. He was a doctor, his life was dedicated to keeping people alive and healthy, despite the fact that everyone on this earth was doomed to die slowly from the very moment of birth. He was a smaller version of God, changing people's fates, altering their destinies by extending their life when they were dealt the card of death. It always caught them eventually though, such was a fate everyone shared, and no one escaped.

But, Hidan was wrong about one thing... He told himself as he came back into the room, pretending to make sure the monitor was working correctly so that he could stand beside him and look at him.

If there were no such thing as special, then Hidan would not be here right now. He would not have managed to survive all his near-death experiences. He would not have made it this far despite trying to intentionally sabotage his life, to bring about his early death. This particular instance may have been a true-blue accident, but each and every one similar to it that occurred previously in his life was nothing more than a side-effect of the lifestyle he signed his soul away to. By purposely ingesting narcotics you ignore the waver to claim 'accident'.

_"Are you good for me, Kakuzu?"_

He had said no, even though he wanted to say yes. Because everything that is good for Hidan hurts him. And Kakuzu did not want to do that... He realized suddenly. He did not want to be a drug, he did not want to kill him slowly just to make life worth living, to give it meaning. But he certainly did not want to make him hurt. Why could he not be both? Was there no such thing as something good that doesn't cause harm?

Hidan didn't seem to believe so... Kakuzu somehow knew this without knowing, without asking. More side-effects of realistic dreams. They imprint themselves upon you, make you believe that you are wiser to the subject than you truly are.

It didn't matter, he supposed... He couldn't not come to his own conclusion anyway, that damn depressive nonsense was stuck in his head. Technically speaking, there was not anything really good for you. There are measures you could take to prolong death as long as possible, things that keep you 'healthy'. But... nothing is forever.

He knew this personally. 46 years old and what was there to show? Yes, he helped people. They were most likely grateful, perhaps it was just the depressants in the alcohol that suddenly left him so unsettled, or maybe it was that damnable dream. Either way, he found himself unreasonable angry with the world around him, at all the opposite, sedimentary things that he usually took comfort in knowing they would always be there.

"You are not good for me either..." He mumbled aloud, staring down at the unconscious man, his chest rising and falling steadily, lips parted slightly, head tipped to the side. This had so many different meanings behind it, both literal terms and this theoretical dreamscape logic. Kakuzu had always done what was good for him, and he was no farther from death than anyone of his age and circumstance. His life had always followed one straight and narrow path, and he had walked it willingly, knowing well that he was missing out, and not caring, for the fact that he sort of knew this too- this ultimate observation that Hidan made. We are all going to die, no matter who you were or what you did or how you lived your life. You leave this reality and become nothing but a memory, and that's only temporary too, until those who remember all follow your lead.

He supposed maybe it had made sense to him up until now, when he'd accepted that there were no more surprises left in store, or at least none that he cared to discover, seeing that he was going to just die anyway... But for some reason it was suddenly unacceptable. Despite his success, despite doing what he had been informed by society he was supposed to do, every single year of his life still felt like it had been uselessly wasted.

He stared at Hidan, feeling the urge to reach up and touch his face. He started to resist it, and then, considering the thoughts that had only just flit through his head, he resisted his resistance, and let his hand reach up. He ran his knuckles from Hidan's forehead down his cheek, and down his jawline, and then, suddenly feeling self-conscious, pulled his hand away quickly and returned it to his side, trying and failing as usual to fathom why on earth he'd just did that.

"Follow your Arrow." A feminine voice said, making his body freeze stiff and the realization that he hadn't heard Tayuya's snoring for the last five minutes zing through his head.

He jerked around to her, not hiding the humiliation at being caught doing what he just did as it converted to seething anger. She'd obviously just seen that affectionate display, and likely had been watching him stand here and stare at him for the last 5 damn minutes while he was lost in thought. So he wouldn't be so stupid as to act as if it hadn't happened. Who was she to judge anyway, she'd just spent half an hour over a cup of cheap, bland coffee explaining how much easier it was to be with women then men.

She was leaned against the door that led into Hidan's little office area, her arms crossed across her chest, one foot crossed casually across the other. She had a sleepy sort of smirk, with heavy dark circles hanging under her barely-open eyes. "I thought there was something suspicious going on between you two. Lucky you I know how to keep my mouth shut."

He raised a brow, and began to tell her that she clearly could not be more wrong about that statement. But she laughed lightly and looked to the unconscious albino. "Kacey Musgraves. Hida doesn't like her 'cuz she's borderline country, and also a chick, he 'doesn't like chick singers', even though I know for a fact he does.. It lessens his masculinity, don'tcha know." She laughed again in a sarcastic but still fond sort of way. "Fuckin' men... But that's one of my favorite songs... Follow your Arrow, I mean."

She leaned forward, giving off the intent that she was going to fall on her face before recovering at the last second and swinging into a sort of saunter, coming over to the other side of the cushioned table-bench that his employee rested on. "She's just got this really honest, depressing fucking air about her, but her songs are still happy and inspiring, despite most of them basically telling you that you're fucked and gonna die no matter what you do. Follow your Arrow is my favorite. There's a million songs out there that tell you to tell the world to fuck off and do what you want, but I like hers... The way she words it, it's not so much 'Do whatever you feel like doing with wild abandon'. It's closer to 'You're a person, and you need things. Don't be ashamed of that. Do what you need to do to die happy.'" She mimicked the action Kakuzu had just done, stroking her small, feminine fingers across the other side of his face.

His own face twisted in a grimace, though he didn't know why. She could not touch him like that, to hell if she claimed to be strictly homosexual, that was an intimate touch and Hidan was  _his_  and she  _could not touch him._

"It reminds me of him, Ya know. Something he'd say.  _You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't, so you might as well just do whatever you want. So Make lots of noise, and kiss lots of boys, or kiss lots of girls if that's something you're into..."_ She sang lightly, glancing up to give the doctor a light-hearted smile. " _When the straight and narrow gets a little too straight, roll up a joint, or don't, and follow your arrow wherever it points."_  She said, nodding her head at the last toward Hidan.

Kakuzu glared at her for a long while, irritated when she said nothing more and continued to stare calmly back at him, unaffected completely by the flames he was trying to force her to burst into. Why is it women always had to try and give their own spins to everything? As if men were incapable of emotion, they have to make everything obvious, spurt it out and let it hang there in the air like some sort of decoration. Just because one didn't wear their heart on their sleeve didn't mean they were oblivious to how they felt.

Or was this some sort of childish competition?  _I know him better so I love him more._  Bloody juvenile, bloody child. Oh, look at you, you're a woman and you're emotional about a man though you claim to not be attracted to them. How surprising...

"He said once that he was really upset that he couldn't seem to die..." She mumbled softly, letting her eyes fall back down to focus on Hidan. "It was the first thing I ever heard him say, while we were at group therapy at Prarieview*. They asked him why he thought he was here, and he said 'Because I fucking suck at dying.' And I laughed, because I thought he was just being a smartass. But then he glared at me and the therapist asked him to explain a little more, so he rolls his eyes and makes that little irritated sound he always makes and continues.

"'I keep trying to fucking die and for some goddamned reason I keep waking up the next day, alive. And that's why I'm here.' And the therapist asks him why he wants to die. And most of the people that go to places like that say the same kind of stuff, you know. I mean, that's pretty much why they're all in there, 'cuz they tried to kill themselves. And so when the bitch asks him that of course I'm expecting him to look at her all stern and deep and mysterious and say something to the likeness of 'Well what point is there in living?" But he doesn't, he shrugs and tells her that he's 'desperatley afraid of his own desires.' And at this point I'm thinking, this guy is one of those people that's either completely out of his fucking mind and useless to society, or he's one of those special people that's gonna have some crazy, profound effect on every single person he encounters. And you can probably guess which one it turned out to be."

Kakuzu had finally managed to drop his glare, only for the fact that he removed his eyes from her irritating face and focused on Hidan.

"We ended up being friends, because that's how he is, you know. You either love him or hate him, but no one can just be indifferent about him. No one can meet him and just be like 'my life and mind and soul are still exactly the same.' Even if he doesn't fucking do anything extravagant, you still remember the crazy swearing shouting guy running around half-naked. I think it's significant, and I think he knows that he really is a special kind of person, and I think it scares the shit out of him."

"Your philosophies are wasted on me." Kakuzu finally said, despite his strange interest in what she was saying. He did not like this fondness in her voice as she spoke of him, he did not like that she knew these things about him that he didn't, and he certainly did not like that hidden little message.  _You either love him or hate him._  Indeed, that seemed true. And this woman obviously did not hate him...

He just wanted her to shut up. He didn't like the idea of Hidan existing before he'd met him, as ludicrous as that was. He had a history, obviously, he wanted to know about him, but he did not want his view of the man to be affected by anything other than what the albino himself did or said. Other peoples opinions and thoughts of him made no difference, he wanted no other influences, especially from people he couldn't care less about. And it irritated him that he was actually listening so intently to her words, it irritated him that they resonated so ironically deeply with the damned realistic dream he'd just had.

Tayuya only rolled her eyes and smiled a sad sort of smile. As if genuinely happy but also genuinely sad at the same time, like being told Her mother just died but from her blood they'd managed to create a cure for cancer. "Yep. You two are definitely pointed to each other. Stubborn, thick-headed bastards."

She suddenly reached out and swatted the albino three times on the cheek. "Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey,  _BIITCH_!" She said, Hidan snorted and jolted in response, his eyes fluttering open for only a second until they were clenched tightly closed again. He rolled his head away and mumbled some intelligible tangle of words.

Tayuya looked at Kakuzu again, her eyebrows arched high in amusement. " _Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine. And life, makes, love, look haaaard..."_  She half-sung, before winking at him and turning around. "Taylor Swift, This love is ours. He doesn't like that one either." She laughed, waving as if to help make the thought stay in the room as opposed to following her back to the waiting area.

"What the goddamn hell is she talking about..." Hidan moaned, his eyes still not open. "And also, I need a fucking trashcan, 'Tachi..."

 

* * *

 

The room was spinning fiercely, in a jerking, frantic sort of motion. He wanted to open his eyes, but it felt like they had weights tied to every single one of his eyelashes, and that he was blindfolded, and at the bottom of the ocean, though that last one didn't even make sense, for some reason he was thinking about it.

A hand wrapped around the junction of his shoulder and neck and pulled him to an upright sitting position, he tried to tell them not to do that, that if they did that he was going to vomit all over himself. But at the same moment as he opened his mouth he did just that, cringing at the pain that shot through his abdomen when they flexed and sent the disgusting bile spurting out his mouth violently. Simultaneously, something plastic and cylindrical was placed on his lap, and he was able to bury his face in it as his body emptied itself.

"Oh fuck..." He whined when he had half-way control of himself. "My mistress is a fickle bitch..." He gagged, unable to catch his breath.

"I think I'd like to meet this mistress..." A deep voice responded, a voice that definitely did not belong to his roommate, dissolving the weights on his eyelids and stopping his quest for oxygen and giving him the strength to jerk himself upright. He stared directly into the face of his boss, and with a rapid series of blinks, the foggy memories of the night came rushing back to him.

"And wring her neck." The doctor added, not making any sort of expression to explain his confusing words. Hidan's face twisted and burned as he suddenly realized where he was and what was going on.

"I was talking about alcohol, dumbshit." He croaked, feeling ridiculously self-conscious along with the sweeping waves of nausea.

"As was I." Kakuzu said, grabbing his arm with the IV in it and holding it out straight. "Maybe." He pulled a cotton ball seemingly out of nowhere, and in one smooth motion he ripped off the tape holding the tube in his vein, pulled out the needle, pressed the cotton ball to the pinprick of a hole and slapped another piece of tape over it. He pulled the weird clamp-thing off his finger and draped it over the still-beeping machine beside the little table-bench thing he was sitting on. Hidan made a face, he'd been working here for nearly 4 months now and he still didn't know the names of all this medical shit.

He watched the doctor whirl around and move to deposit the needle into a red, plastic box, gaze absently drifting down the mans broad back to his ass, lingering there without him really registering that he was staring at it as he tried to logically process last nights events and think of something intelligent to say. Right, they'd made out, Kakuzu liked him, then he'd had to go and fucking almost die again, even though this time he hadn't even been trying. What the hell was that about? Fucking liver failure... seriously?

His brows dropped and he tore his eyes away from the man's extremely-attractive backside, (He really liked seeing him without a damn lab-coat or duster on, then he could actually  _see_  him) and glared at the contents of the trashcan-like object he'd thrown up into. It looked mostly just like alcohol, a sort of golden-brown translucent color. He knew it wasn't that though, as he'd been in this situation before. That was the shit that had almost killed him, filtered back into his stomach from his bloodstream and then expelled via the fastest route possible. He was actually and literally holding his own liquid death in his hands right now, pulled from him by the man who was once again standing beside him, staring at him in stoic silence.

 _What is this shit?_  He asked inside his head.  _Is it some fucking stupid sign?_

If so, what kind of sign was it? Because he certainly didn't want to die any longer. Why that discovery surprised him, he wasn't sure. But he felt kind of lighter. He was confused, a little bit, that he still seemed unable to die, but at least this time it felt like he was making some sort of progress. While it had always been thanks to a doctor each and every previous time this happened, it seemed much more relevant to him that Kakuzu was the one who saved him. What relevance it had, he wasn't exactly sure, but he was satisfied with at least making that one small step.

"I, uh... I'm glad..." He said, wishing he could take the words back as soon as he said them. Kakuzu didn't say anything, and so he looked up to see his reaction, getting only a questioning brow raise in return. He grinned sheepishly and shrugged. "Right? I don't know either. It's weird. Usually when I wake up in situations like this I'm all like 'Well  _fuck_...' But now I'm speechless because I'm kind of happy about it."

"You're happy about nearly losing your life?"

" _No,_ fucker. I mean just waking up afterwards."

Kakuzu sighed and shook his head. "You're an idiot."

"Aha, but you are too. You admitted it last night, I remember." He said, laughing and tapping on his forehead. His smile disappeared quickly though, as Kakuzu remained where he was, still staring. Memories of the doctors hands all over him, pinned against a counter and then strapped to this table, Grabbing his ass then checking his pulse, pushing against him, pushing on his stomach, reaching for a zipper, feeling for a vein, expertly pushing the needle through but still getting squirted by Hidan's toxic blood.

He looked down the man's shirt, thank God it was black, you could hardly see the dried specks on them. There was more than he'd thought there'd be, and he recalled how ferociously he'd fought against him, confused about what was happening, thinking he was just some random doctor who would save his life and then condemn him to the hell of a mental institution that would only re-instate the terrible, depressing, bleakness of his life and destroy everything he'd managed to build in his short stay in this little town. That would give Kakuzu legitimate reason to fire him, and imagining His boss and Itachi shaking their heads in disappointment as they turned and walked away and out of his life, done granting him favors only for him to screw up time and time again. "I thought I was... in a hospital..." He admitted sheepishly.

"I know." Kakuzu replied in an even voice, crossing his arms.

"Yeah. I didn't meant to like, almost kill myself..."

"I know."

"And make you take care of me... again..."

"I know."

Hidan's brow furrowed. "Would you shut the hell up! I'm trying to fucking tell you thanks for saving my goddamn life you fucking old bastard!"

"I know."

His face twisted in anger. "You're such a fucking ass."

Finally the old man's mouth crooked a little. "I know."

Hidan smiled too, at this, remembering his internal declaration last night. He made Dr. Satan smile again. "You fucking know everything huh?"

"No. If I knew everything I would not have hired you."

"Aahh, but you don't regret it do you, old man? Don't deny it, you want my bod. You like me."

"...I know..." He said softly, taking the container full of the expelled toxins from him and setting it on the ground. "Go to the bathroom and clean yourself up, you child. I'm going to call another bloody cab to take us back to my car, and then I'm taking you home and get you the hell out of my hair."

Hidan clicked his tongue, but did as he was told, twisting himself and not preparing his body to support it's own weight before attempting to take an immediate step toward the bathroom. His knees buckled under him again, and he prepared himself to hit the linoleum floor and listen to Kakuzu's insults and mentally kicked himself all at the same time for once again embarrassing the shit out of himself. Then getting mad at the fact that he could even still  _get_  embarrassed. He should be more than used to it by now, seriously.

But he didn't hit the floor, and Kakuzu didn't insult him, because he had spontaneously appeared right in front of Hidan, slipped his hands under his arms, and lifted him with ease back to his feet, like a father trying to help their crippled kid learn to walk again. A weird simile, but that was what came to mind.

Hidan's hands reached up out of instinct again to grip the man's stunning biceps and steady himself. And for a strange moment of insanity he always wanted to burst into laughter. Honestly, he had no idea why, just a random wash of happiness that fluttered by, landed on his shoulder for a moment, and left again. He looked so different, even though he was exactly the same. He was standing here holding him, and it felt to right, so natural, though literally just one day ago being in any kind of position even remotely similar to this one would have him blushing like a pre-pubescent girl and scrambling to get away.

It didn't feel like only a day, what with all those damned events that had all packed themselves into one fucking thrill ride of a night. But then again Hidan had always had a terrible sense of time. Everything felt ages longer, until events had passed and then suddenly he couldn't understand where the time had gone. It didn't make sense that it had only been a few hours since he'd even learned that Kakuzu harbored these secret affections for him. And now it was like... he should have just known all along. What the hell had he been so scared about? What was it about the older man that had made him feel so intimidated, so positive of rejection. Was that all part of having a crush? Did this normally happen? He'd have to ask Itachi...

Oh fuck... Itachi. Did he know what had happened? Where the fucking hell was he? Why hadn't he called?

"You didn't take me to a real hospital..." He mumbled suddenly, not exactly sure why he'd said that when he'd actually wanted to voice his questions regarding his roommate and best friend.

"I had everything I needed to treat you here. Don't think I won't be billing you though ."

"You always tell people who call you with emergencies to dial 911, you never treat people like that here... But you brought me. Why didn't you just shove me in an ambulance?" He said, once again meaning to ask where the hell Itachi was and why he wasn't sitting here freaking out like he most likely would. Hidan could only assume he didn't know, or, like he said, he'd probably be here doing some ridiculously over-dramatic woman-like reaction and blaming himself and all that stupid kind of shit.

"I believe I've already explained that."

"No, not really." He said, looking up at the man. Oh well, he'd burn that bridge when he came to it. No one else was freaking out, seeing as he'd done more than enough of that for the entire population of earth. So he wasn't about to go making another scene when it could so easily be avoided. He was curious though, as to why Kakuzu had treated him himself, and so he pressed on. "Anyone else would have shoved me in an ambulance."

Kakuzu finally withdrew his arms, letting Hidan stand of his own strength, and moved to step around him, making the albino twist to keep him in his sights. "You're awfully speculative for having just been balancing on a very thin precipice between life and possible death."

"Yeah, that'll happen."

Kakuzu grunted in some sort of acknowledgement and dismissal alike. Hidan's brow furrowed as he forced himself to stay patient. "You didn't answer my question, old man. " To which Kakuzu stopped and stared at him so deeply and intensely that for a moment Hidan was a little frightened. Of what, exactly, he didn't know, and as he stood there and stared resolutely back at him he wished desperately that he could see the thoughts running through his head, or at least have some sort of clue. Goddamn stoic old bastard.

"I am not 'anyone else'." He finally admitted, in his normal voice but also not in his normal voice. Hidan blinked at the warmth that spread through him at this, doing his best not to let it reach his face, lest the awkwardness return between them. He liked being casual with the normally up-tight Kakuzu Hoku, it made him feel sort of... special, that this guy who was a world-renowned asshole and somehow liked him, Hidan San, of all fucking people. And even though the old man was still kind of a prick, it was in a different kind of way. Itachi had told him on that very first day, when they'd both had the pleasure of meeting Dr. Satan for the very first time; "He doesn't know how to properly convey his feelings, so it converts to anger."

He could see that, kind of. Obviously he wasn't as big an asshole as he attempted to be. Really, he was a fucking  _doctor_  for fuck's sake. But he didn't really think it was so much that he didn't know how to convey his feelings. That was kind of like an insult, really. Kakuzu wasn't stupid, he wasn't some goddamn little kid that bullies the person he likes because he doesn't know how else to get their attention. No, it was more like he didn't  _want_  to convey his feelings.

Which begged the question of _why_?

And so in that moment, Hidan came to another decision. He would just have to learn everything about him. It would take time, and effort, and probably patience, which kind of sucked. But he was a zealous man, and he had the inspiration to do it. He had the Doctor within his grasp now, and he'd damn his own self to hell if he did something so stupid as to let it go. It was as he'd told his roommate after that first night, God put that man on this planet and in his life for a reason, maybe not for the reason he'd assumed. Hell, maybe he was just supposed to keep him alive for this one night and then disappear from his life forever, though he sure as fuck hoped not... He felt that mild sort of panic at that thought, and closed his eyes into a slow blink, trying to take subtle, deep breaths to calm himself.

It was weird, Kakuzu had caused that attack randomly on the first day, sort of. It was the same kind of panic he had felt then, every time he thought about the possibility of not getting to see the old bastard again. It was exactly the same, actually...

Kakuzu recovered quickly from the admission, bending to retrieve the industrial strength sanitizing wipes from beneath the sink that Hidan always used to clean with. "Get your ass out of my sight and prepare to go home. Tell your friend to get ready as well." He growled.

Hidan blinked to whirl around. Oh right, Tayuya was here too. She'd been yelling at him and calling him stupid the whole damn time he'd been in his weird delirium, holding him down and explaining in her own rudely caring way that he was not going to die and that he was embarrassing the shit out of himself.

His face burned and he quickly shuffled out the door and to the bathroom. He should really listen to other people more often...

The door was closed and locked, however, and the sound of running water coming from inside made him reason that his crazy friend must be in there. So he leaned against the wall just outside the door, pressing his back flat against it and letting his head rest on the cheap, ugly wallpaper. He was still gripped by nausea, but this felt much more similar to the dehydration that always follows alcohol abuse. He could only assume his lack of a headache was due to the drugs Kakuzu had pumped through his veins... and on that note, wouldn't the IV have cured his dehydration as well?

Well shit, maybe there  _was_  still some toxic waste waiting to be vomited out. He didn't fucking know these things, he was just the damn secretary.

"Hurry the fuck up in there bitch, I'm gonna hurl." He stated loudly, weakly pounding on the door. It flew open an instant after he did so, and Tayuya popped out, looking extremely exhausted in both her expression and her rumpled clothes and hair that was even more poofy and wild than usual, though she had at some point removed the ugly braided pigtails and currently wasn't wearing her hat.

She smiled softly at him, and he noticed for a second that her eyes were kind of bloodshot. Had she been crying?

"Well, welcome back to the realm of the living, fucker." She said, sniffing heavily and then following it with a dramatic yawn. "Toldja you weren't anywhere near dying." She said, stepping out of his way so he could get into the bathroom. He stayed where he was though, giving her a quizzical, teasing look.

"Uh huh, that's why you were bawling your eyes out in there huh?" He smiled as he said it, honestly meaning it to be just the normal ragging they always gave each other, but for an almost unnoticeable second a look of intense pain flashed across her face, gone already in the time it took him to recognize it as she rolled her eyes.

"You  _wish_  I'd cry over your stupid ass. Try puking my life away. Fucking liquor..." She laughed, giving him a playful punch. "That's for putting me through the torture of spending the night in a damn clinic for your sake though. You're right, your boss is the fucking asshole king."

Hidan huffed out a laugh and shoved himself from the wall with some effort, every muscle in his body feeling as if he'd done some sort of hardcore workout last night. Oh wait... he had sort of danced for hours on end and sang on stage and then nearly been screwed on a counter in the kitchen and then briefly passed to another life...

He grinned to himself.  _That_  was one hell of a party.  _Shenanigans_.

"He's not so bad once you figure out his weird fucking double meanings for every goddamn word he says."

"Oh yeah? What's the hidden message in ' _Shut the hell up or I'll put you in a coma as well!'?"_

"Well obviously it means he wants to have a fucking tea party with you and ask you about all that you fancy." Hidan somehow managed to say seriously, his spirits ridiculously skyrocketing now as he held up a pinkie and pretended to drink from a miniature tea cup. "Geez, pay attention, seriously."

"Oh my god you're such a dipshit." She said, turning away before she finished the sentence. "Hurry up in there so I can go sleep this hangover off on your couch."

Hidan stared after her for a minute in silence until she turned around to make sure he had heard her. He gave her another questioning look, catching on that something was obviously bothering her, but not exactly sure if he wanted to go so far as to ask, or if he even cared really. Most likely it was what had just happened, damn chicks and their over-emotional bullshit. He was alive, dammit, so get the fuck over it.

"Yeah, Kakuzu is going to get a cab I guess and drive us home in his car..." He said, to try and cover his awkward staring while his mind tried to settle on some sort of conclusion as to her subtle strangeness.

She only grunted in response, then gasped and flipped around, her hair swirling around behind her. "OH SHIT! We left your guitar there!"

He blinked, "Oh yeah huh? Ah well, Itachi probably got it. He's good at being my mommy and picking up my messes." He waved off the concern and disappeared in the bathroom as his stomach gave a large growl to remind him it was still harboring unwanted deadly matter.

 

* * *

 

_"And I'd give up forever to touch you...'Cuz I know that you feel me somehow."_

"OH FUCK YEAH!" Hidan shouted suddenly, lurching forward to turn the volume dial up on Kakuzu's car radio. "Fuckin' love this song!"

"Are you serious?" Tayuya said, leaning forward between the seats to scoff at her friend while Kakuzu seethed behind the wheel. Dear Benjamin, he almost felt like these two's father, chauffeur-ing them around town like this. How the hell did people do it?

_"You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be, and I don't want to go home right now..."_

"What? Don't fucking tell me you don't like this song. Because you're a goddamn liar."

"No shit, everyone in the history of history likes this song."

"So what the hell are you bitching about?"

_"And all I can taste is this moment, and all I can breathe is your life."_

"It just pisses me off you know. I get that it's relateable to like everyone in the fucking world but people have to go act like it was made especially for them, like it holds some special meaning to them alone, even though literally everyone feels the exact same way."

_"'Cause Sooner or later it's over, I just don't want to miss you tonight..."_

"Tch, you over-evaluate music, ya know? It's just a good fucking song." Hidan said, turning the dial up more to drown out her continued explanation. Kakuzu narrowed his eyes, knuckles turning white as he gripped the steering wheel.

The two had been bickering back and forth like this since the moment they were reunited. Brother and sister, they could certainly be. In fact it was hard to believe that they weren't. He was lightly disturbed as how similar they were, and though it angered him to think it, he couldn't help but wonder why the hell these two were only 'friends.'

Hidan, he could read rather easily that he really had no sort of romantic interest in her at all, the oblivious fool. For all the world he was just like a big brother. But the girl, he didn't know. Women were tricky, they never just displayed their emotions, they hid it behind layers and games and half-truths. She said they were just friends, she had informed him while they'd both drank a cup of coffee in the back of the clinic while waiting for Hidan to wake up again that she did not think of Hidan in that way though she would gladly admit that she still thought he was attractive. She had stated her preference to women over and over again, unnecessarily so, the Doctor thought, and then continued to go on and on about Hidan.

That's all it ever was with women, mixed messages and cryptic signs.

Kakuzu was so very glad that he had finally gotten over himself and stopped acting like that. How humiliating.

 _"And I don't want the world to see me! 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand!"_ Hidan sang along with this, loudly and unashamed, bringing Dr. Hoku out of his thoughts, as if last nights little concert had filled his confidence meter up and squashed each and every insecurity he'd held about himself. Though he didn't grin, Kakuzu sort of wanted too, which irritated him, just like everything else. For some reason he couldn't understand, it was adorable, seeing Hidan be shy was one thing, it was sort of cute and all that, but seeing him excited and confident, it was much more natural, and he liked it.

It didn't help that the old man was still somewhat mesmerized by his voice.

" _When everything's made to be broken, I just waaant you to knooow who I am..."_

Hidan poured emotion and meaning into the words, just like with every other words the Doctor had ever heard him sing. It made it hard not to listen, hard not to feel something too, however dull the feeling was. It was a popular song indeed, and he'd heard it many times before on the radio, but never before had he ever really paid attention to it. Hidan made it new and interesting, just like everything else. Tayuya was right, the song had a sort of broad spectrum, easily relateable to everyone. That what all the kids wanted these days, right, to be 'understood'. Bunch of whiners...

Hidan was no different, he supposed. But he wasn't some sort of attention whore. In fact in his oblivious nature it was almost like he was the one ignoring the world. Hidan was not focused on humanity understanding  _him_ , he was trying to understand the world, life and all her cruel ways... And perhaps that's the reason society deemed him insane... Why this idea seemed so satisfactory to the Doctor, he did not know. Since when had Hidan spontaneously transformed from an infantile moron to some sort of rebellious genius in his mind?

His irritation came flooding back into him suddenly as Tayuya forced herself forward between the seats to turn the volume back down. "Yeah, yeah, we get it, you fucking showoff. You're not half bad at singing."

"Tch. That's not what you said last night. You were fan-girling all over my shit."

"Please. I was showing you off as my student. I'm obviously one kickass fucking hell of a teacher."

"I'm pretty sure God gave me these golden vocals, you fucking heathenous blasphemer."

"Oh here you go again with this imaginary person in the sky. And is 'heathenous' even a fucking word?"

"Bitch, I just lived through a near-death experience. I've seen some shit. Don't question me."

"Yeah, thanks to your boss." She snorted. " _He's_  your fucking God, not some goddamn fairy-tale."

Hidan's pigment-less eyes flicked to Kakuzu, who stayed staring at the road despite the nagging knowledge that Hidan was staring also, despite wishing desperately to see his expression as he thought this over. He didn't look though, as he didn't want to give away his extreme pleasure at the pink-haired bitch's words. For one, he hated her, and didn't want to give her the satisfaction. The only reason he hadn't done everything in his power to make her want to kill herself was because she'd been moderately useful, she was a close friend of Hidan's, and because on the off chance that she didn't make some sort of hilarious episode like the majority of his previous female employers, he didn't want to listen to her foul mouth screech at him about he and Hidan's weird relationship for the rest of the drive, which, thankfully, was almost to an end.

The Uchiha's apartment was just a few blocks ahead.

"Are you God, Kakuzu?" Hidan asked, making him stiffen in his seat only for the fact that that question was frighteningly similar to the question Hidan had asked him in his dream, and the tone in which he asked was  _identical._

"If there were a God, he certainly would not use me as a medium." He said flatly. He did risk a glance now, forcing his eyes immediately back to the road when he discovered those damned eyes boring holes into him with a thoughtful expression.

"Damn. You're such a downer..." Tayuya mumbled, flopping back into her seat. "Being too fucking serious all the time should be a goddamn crime."

"Seriously..." Hidan mumbled, now looking somewhat sullenly out the front window as his residence came into view.

The car pulled up to the curb after a few moments of only the radio sounding in the heavy air. Kakuzu pulled the shifter into park, though he wasn't exactly sure why as he didn't plan on staying after the two children removed themselves from his vehicle. Tayuya immediately got out, grabbing Hidan's birthday gift which had been left in Itachi's  _unlocked_  car (one more thing to scold the boy for, as far as Kakuzu was concerned) and carried it with her out onto the lawn, turning around to glance at Hidan with an eyebrow raised when he didn't follow. They exchanged some kind of look that made a strange bit of concern filter into the elder man's chest before she turned away, lighting up a cigarette while she waited.

Hidan turned to him.

They stared.

"Liar." The albino finally stated, to which Kakuzu raised a questioning brow.

Hidan just rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his disheveled hair. "I know everyone thinks it's fucking weird and stupid for someone like me to start spouting religious bullshit. And I'm not about to go fucking explaining myself to you. But you're wrong, just so you know. You can argue all you fucking want, but it doesn't change the fact."

"If you're trying to make a point, Hidan, get to it. I'm tired."

"You  _are_  a God. I mean, technically speaking, every doctor is like a miniature God. But you, you're special. 'Cuz you're mine. You can be my God. I'd be okay with that."

Kakuzu raised a brow, resisting that damned tightness in his chest and that intense burning need to shut the imbeciles mouth with his own. "I don't believe I ever signed any contracts that deem me 'yours'." He said, more or less scrambling internally for the words so he didn't appear to be as thoroughly stunned as he was. Hidan really didn't seem to have any sort of humility at all, now that things were out in the open. Making a declaration like that, when they barely knew each other past their own names...  _You can be my God._  The idiot, did he even realize what an enormous statement that was?

Hidan flashed him a grin that made his stomach lurch in a way that was good but not good merely for the fact that it was so good.

"It's all about perception, old man." He said, almost like reading the Doctors very mind, looking up and down Kakuzu's features, his thoughts flashing themselves across his face as the elder man remained there in an even further stunned silence.

 _There is no way in hell he just said that._  Was all he could think, over and over again, even as Hidan leaned over to him and pushed their lips together in a lingering sort of kiss. Dr. Hoku did not miss the tinting of the man's cheeks as he pulled back and quickly worked to get out of the car. He was aware of what was happening, just unable to react properly.

"Thanks for... you know... keeping me alive and shit. See ya Monday." He said quickly, slamming the door shut and whirling to jog to the pinkie. Even through the closed door he could hear the idiot shouting at her to bum him a smoke, and how almost dying really made you crave the shit that kills you.

He managed to push the shifter back into drive and press the gas pedal, mostly on autopilot. Damn that Hidan San. They dance around and avoid each other's feelings for all that time, suffering equally and straining to force themselves to accept that it wasn't going to happen, that it was  _wrong_  and it wasn't going to happen. Then it happens anyway.

And suddenly he's acting like it was the most natural thing in the world. As if almost dyeing gave him some sort of epiphany, having his life saved by Kakuzu immediately squashed any lingering uncertainty and awkwardness, as if it just negated the fact that they were still twenty-four years apart in age, that they led two extremely different lives, that they were two extremely different people. Every single concern and excuse was somehow just null and void simply because the idiot had drank a little too much?

Damn it. Damn that idiot and damn himself for finding some sort of sick enjoyment in it. He was far too old for these goddamned butterflies... That was the worst part, at least for the moment.


	18. Chapter 18

"I'm still mad at you for not fucking telling me." Tayuya said, taking a long drag of her third cigarette since they'd been sitting in the grass in front of the apartment. Depending on who you asked, it may or may not be bad, seeing as they'd only been sitting here for a little over two hours. The apartment was locked, and like a dumbass, Hidan had left his pathetic little key ring with all of two keys on it somewhere inside, most likely in the pocket of a pair of dirty jeans.

Itachi still wasn't answering his phone, but it was pretty nice out, and though they were both exhausted and slightly hungover (Or at least it was 'slightly' for Hidan, Tayuya looked like a zombie) they didn't mind. They had the guitar at least to keep themselves occupied, and Hidan sat beside Tayuya with it in his lap, having been receiving a lesson from the pinkette before her sudden outburst.

"Not telling you what?" He said, despite having a pretty good idea of what she was talking about.

"Don't be stupid. You know what I mean. You and your boss have a thing, don't you?" She said, twisting her index and second finger around themselves, light teasing in her voice despite the sullen sort of air she was giving off.

He resisted the embarrassment and nodded, pretending to focus on the notes he strummed to avoid looking at her.

"That's what you two were talking about in back huh? Your roomie wouldn't let me go back there. I thought it was kind of weird for someone like him to come to a party. He doesn't strike me as the partying type." She let out a long stream of carcinogenic smoke, closing her eyes as she did so.

"He's not, really." He mumbled, purposely avoiding the clarification that they had not been  _just_  talking. "He was drinking though. Fucking scotch, of course. He's such a stickler."

"Mm, a stickler that you  _looo~ooove_." She laughed, shoving him lightly.

"Tch. Don't fucking ruin it with that word."

"Oh please. I'm a girl, Hida. I can instantly pick up on these things. You had a crush on him, and I caught him drooling over you before you woke up. Itachi mentioned something about you liking someone but he played it off like he didn't know for sure. That fucking weasel. Did he know this whole time?"

Hidan shrugged, setting the guitar aside to pluck her Camel lights from her lap and light his own cigarette. "Kind of. That asshole's the one who tricked me into realizing it..."

"Well what the fuck? You're embarrassed to tell him you're learning guitar but you can tell him you've got a crush on your  _old ass_ boss? And It's opposite with me huh, how come you didn't fucking tell me?"

"'Cause it's not anyones damn business!" He snapped. Why did everyone seem so fucking interested in this? "The only reason 'Tachi knew is because he basically fucking orchestrated the whole damn thing. He knew before  _I_  even fucking knew. Otherwise no one would have fucking known."  _And then nothing would have happened..._  A voice said in his mind.  _So thank God that manipulative bastard knew..._

"You... are an enigma. Hidan San." Tayuya said somewhat mysteriously, blowing out a final cloud of smoke before flicking the smoldering filter out into the street.

"What the hell is that?"

"It means you don't make sense."

"Tch. I'm not supposed to, I'm crazy, remember?"

Tayuya scoffed, "You're no more crazy than anyone else. They're all just better at hiding it." She reached over to scoop up the Guitar, reaching into her shirt and into her bra, Hidan assumed, looking away quickly, and producing a pick. Then she started strumming out fast notes that he recognized as another of Mumford and Sons songs; I will wait. They both shared a mutual love for that band, it was mostly the banjo, they agree'd. But their lyrics were always perfect too.

He said nothing more, mostly wanting to avoid the subject. It was sort of like his not-so-secret secret.  _This needs to be kept quiet._  Kakuzu had told him. And so it would be. Despite his outburst when he first heard that, he was kind of happy about it now. He didn't want to explain to people anyway, And then there was all the other bad things that could happen once society found out. But the biggest reason being that this development was  _theirs._  Tayuya and Itachi could know, but he'd make sure they never really  _knew._  And these two also were probably the only people in the entire would that wouldn't judge him horribly for it, or go blabbing to anyone with functioning ears. So he supposed it was okay to clue them in. After all, they  _were_  his best friends.

"See, 'cuz if I had known, then I could have had you sing a song that would be much more suited for your first performance, seeing as he had conveniently gotten there just as you went on." Tayuya apparently wasn't done talking about it, however. And he rolled his eyes.

"And what song would that have been, Pinkie Sensei?"

"Counting Stars, OneRepublic."

Hidan blinked. He knew the song, he knew it well. It was one of his favorites. "Damn... That  _would_  have been perfect..."

"Right?"

"How the fuck do you even... What the hell? All my friends are mind-reading wizards!"

Tayuya only stared back at him in amused question. He started to explain, instead he motioned excited to the guitar and flicking his cigarette butt out into the street. "Just play it. I'll sing. I wanna see how I'd do."

"You sure are fucking confident all the sudden. I think I may have created a monster."

"You're damn right you did. Play."

She clicked her tongue, stopping in her strumming of 'I will wait', adjusting her grip on the guitar, shifting it so that she could tap the edge of her shoe against the body for the beat, and began playing the tune.

 _"Latlely I been, I been losing sleep... Dreaming about the things that we could be."_  Hidan started right away. He wasn't going to give her an explanation as to exactly how on the mark that song was, but saying the lyrics out loud might give her some kind of hint. And even if all of that were moot, it was still a damn good song.

" _And baby, I been, I been praying hard... Sitting, no more counting dollars, we'll be counting stars... Yeah we'll be counting stars."_

Losing sleep, praying, the reference to money. Right off the bat it was like this song was made specifically for he and his boss. His nose wrinkled a little at this thought, because, just like Tayuya, he hated when people tried to signify that they somehow  _owned_  a song just because they could relate so deeply to it. But damn it all if that wasn't the case.

Tayuya paused in her notes to slap her hand on the guitar every so often to emphasize the base in the song, humming the musical notes in that prodigy-like way that made even this unprofessional performance seem all the better. Hidan hit his his own hands against his thighs and clapped in time, a smile working it's way across his face as their eyes met, Tayuya mirroring his grin.

_"I see this life, like a swingin' viiine. Swing my heaaaart across the line. In my face is flashing signs, Seek it out and ye shall find- Oooh, But I'm not that old. Yoouung, but I'm not that bold. And I don't think the world is sold, on just doiiinnng what we're told..."_

He hated it and loved it at the same time for it's perfection. Damn, why the hell  _hadn't_  he thought to sing this one instead?  _Fuck you life, fuck you alchohol_. When the hell were they going to start coming out with time machines?

" _And I~I-I-I-I-I feeeel something so right, doin' the wroooong thiiing. And I~I-I-I-I-I feel somthing soooo wrong, doing the riiiight thiiing_."

Tayuya gave him backup singing, harmonizing perfectly except when his voice broke because he couldn't sing quite as high as he needed to on certain notes. A thought briefly crossed his mind that they could totally be one of those people that did song covers on Youtube*. But then he slapped the thought away internally, as he'd always thought (despite secretly enjoying some of the renditions people came up with) that most of those were just attention-seeking idiots that didn't have the guts to just go out and become actual singers.

" _I could lie, could deny, cou-ould li~ie... Eeeverything that kiiills meee makes me feel alive."_

From there they burst into a chorus, Tayuya singing along with him in a female accompaniment that honestly sounded better than the original song in his opinion. They both closed their eyes, focusing on the music and feeling it in a way that most everyone did when they connected with a song like that. And he found himself deliriously happy that he could actually do this with someone. Itachi liked music, but would never sit here and jam with him. Shark-dick apparently played the guitar, and though the jolly scarred giant would probably play with him, he wouldn't likely sing with him and wouldn't feel it in the same way that he did.

_"I feel the love, and I feel it buuurn. Down this river, every turn. Hope is our four letter word, make that money, watch it ! But I'm not that old. Young, but I'm not that bold. And I don't think the world is sold, on just doing what we're told."_

Only another crazy person that had been through such similar situations as him could share this so beautifully. And though he'd never regretted his decision to contact Tayuya, mainly because he'd never expected her to turn out to be such an awesome friend, and certainly never expected to be able to hang out with her again face-to-face, he was undeniably happy that things had played out the way they did.

Despite that catastrophe last night had turned into, he was glad. He was content. And this settled within him, forcing to push away all the annoying little demons in his head that whispered to him that things were going far too well in his life right now for them to continue in such a way.

He could be happy. It wasn't such an outlandish thing anymore. Karma was finally giving back all the joy she'd kept from him throughout these twenty-three years of his life. It was a forceful thing, and yes, it would come to an end. But the thing he was finally figuring out, the ingredient to the recipe of life and this pursuit of happiness was what all the sappy sayings and all the motivational quips had always told him all throughout life. These three things; You have to enjoy the present, True friendship burrows deeper and lasts forever, and nothing is impossible.

_"Take that money, waaatch it burrrn. Siiink in the river the lessons I've learned. Take that money, waaatch it burrrn. Siiink in the river the lessons I've learned. Take that money, waaatch it burrrn. Siiink in the river the lessons I've learned..."_

Tayuya abruptly stopped playing, the entire world seeming to go quiet in anticipation as they grinned at each other. And with one more deep breath Hidan sang the last and most resonating line that applied directly to his own life, the very words he'd said himself on multiple occasions " _Eeeveryyythiiinng that killlsss meeee... Makes me feel alive."_

The actual song went on to repeat the chorus a few more times, but they ended it there for the fact that they suddenly heard someone clapping. After a confused glance to each other they both twisted around to see Hidan and Itachi's below-deck neighbor standing behind them, sucking on a cigarette of his own in his lips with one eye squinted to keep the smoke from his eyes.

They stared in slight embarrassment and confusion at the bearded man as he finished his clapping, then plucked the cancer stick from his mouth and laughed.

"Very nice Hidan. I didn't know you could sing. Then again you always play your music so loud that I wouldn't be able to hear you. It's nice to know you have talents, now I can actually argue with Kurenai when she starts her bitching. I can say 'You just wait until he's rich and famous and then you'll be eating your words.' Is this your girlfriend?" He said, not pausing before he walked over and extended his hand down to Tayuya.

Hidan's face screwed up. Did this guy normally talk a mile-a-fucking-minute? He didn't see him as the type.

"He fucking wishes I was." She said back, giving the albino a 'What the hell?' glance before reaching up to shake his hand. "Tayuya Oto." She said, letting a falsely friendly smile rip across her features.

"Asuma Sarutobi. Pleasure." He said, pausing only to take a drag of his cigarette and put his hand in his pocket. "I remember the days of jamming out with my friends. I couldn't resist coming to check you out when I stepped outside and heard what was unmistakably a karaoke session. You're both very talented."

"Tch. Creeper." Hidan muttered, turning away and only earning a laugh from his neighbor.

"Young love. I forget that there's still life going on outside my own. You'll learn that when you have kids, Mister San."

"HAH! God forbid there are ever mini Hidan's running around. The would wouldn't fucking be able to handle it." Tayuya laughed, apparently ignoring the young love comment in favor of teasing the halfway sulking man beside her.

"She suits you." Asuma said, staring in amusement at the two.

"She's not my goddamn girlfriend. What the hell do you want?" He finally interjected, upset to have the moment ruined by this asshole's attempt to act like they were on good terms despite how he and his dumb wife or whatever the hell she was constantly trying to get he and Itachi kicked out.

True, he'd never really actually had any sort of prolonged contact or conversation with the man. He'd only heard his roommate speak of him and his whatever-she-was. But that just made this encounter all the more weird. He'd never made any sort of attempt to be friendly with him before, why now?

"Hm. That's what they all say. Like I said, I was just investigating. I'll be on my way." Asuma turned around and began to walk off, then stopped and turned on heel again. "Say, Kurenai will probably have my ass for asking this, so for the sake of my ass, I'll ask Tayuya singularly; You any good with kids? Young kids? Babies, to be specific."

She and Hidan exchanged an 'Are you serious right now?' glance before she turned back to him. "Err, no. Not really. I'm from out of town anyway so..."

"Ah. Alright then. No harm in asking, I tell myself. One can only deal with a sleep-deprived woman and a newborn for so long without a break before tearing their hair out. And I'm rather fond of my hair. Male-pattern baldness doesn't run in my family, I'd like to keep it that way."

"Wow... Thanks for  _that_  fucking image..." Hidan muttered, for some reason thinking of Kakuzu, shuddering.

"Maybe pass the note along to Mister Uchiha that I'm looking for babysitters? He's dating that Hoshigaki fellow right? Surely he can help me find someone Kurenai doesn't detest... Which I've found is rather difficult."

Hidan blinked. Damn, gossip sure got around fast in this fucking town, didn't it? Itachi and Shark-dick had been very careful not to have any public displays of affection until last night, which meant no one could have known until then. He was somewhat pleased that the man didn't seem to be disgusted in any way with his best friends relationship, however. And strictly because of that he nodded to him, hoping he would finally get the hell out of here. "Yeah, no problem."

He made a mental note to himself to be  _extremely_  careful about how he and Kakuzu acted around each other when prying eyes might lurk about.  _That_  kind of gossip would spread like fucking wildfire.

Fuck. He really hoped he didn't fuck this up. 'This' being the relationship he was pretty much just assuming actually existed between he and his boss, seeing as there hadn't really been any sort of out-loud, spoken agreement on either of their parts. Even though he knew it did, as the old man hadn't said a single word about that last little goodbye kiss.

He smiled to himself, resisting the urge to lick his lips at the recollection. The reaction the Doctor had given him was priceless, and made a shock of victory shoot through him to know that he alone possessed the power to render the man shocked and speechless in anything other than anger.

Tayuya tsk'd as she watched Asuma walk away, un-twisting her body and absently playing a few disembodied notes. "That poor man. His woman sounds like a raging bitch. Sucks to be in that situation." She looked up at Hidan, smiling lightly. "Thank fucking God I don't have to deal with that shit anymore. Nothing in the world is worth that bullshit."

"Tch. Then why the fuck did you marry that tool?" He asked, referring of course to Tayuya's ex-husband, his mood brightening again now that that idiot was gone and more than happy to be off the subject of he and Kakuzu.

"Shut up. I was a sixteen-year-old runaway. Naive and stupid and love-struck."

"Tch, there's that word again. You couldn't have just married him and not known he was secretly a fucking lunatic."

"Oh, you know what they say. People change." She said this sort of quietly, returning her focus to the instrument in her lap, playing a tune he didn't recognize.

"'They' also say that's not really true." He replied, plucking at a few strands of grass, wondering idly where the hell that damn Uchiha was. It was almost 2, for fuck's sake. And he didn't really want to get too deep into this topic. It was a touchy subject, and being the woman she was, it made Tayuya sort of moody. Every time she'd been forced into talking about it at the mental hospital where they'd met she had either launched into a fit of unbridled rage or shut down completely, refusing to do anything other than glare angrily at the wall for hours on end. "People don't change. Besides, not being who you are is like one big fat fucking lie anyway. Like Kakuzu, I'd rather him be a fucking dick to me, cause that's just how he is. It was the weirdest fucking thing whenever he tried to be nice. Seriously." Ne mentally kicked himself for bringing up their relationship again. Damn, this might be harder to keep quiet than he thought.

Neither of those outcomes seemed particularly appealing, at  _any_  point in time. Mood swings were one of the damn reasons he'd lost interest in women. But the subject kind of made him embarrassed, seeing as he'd originally been doing that very thing (Pretending to be someone else, not being moody. Though he did that a lot) when he and the doctor had first met and he'd took his first step onto this crazy rollar coaster his life had been recently. "People don't change. They just get bored." He repeated, not exactly sure where in any of the existing levels of hell that random declaration came from, but thinking it to be a brilliant conclusion, at least in regards to Tayuya's past situation.

She gave a breath of laughter that was almost more like a sigh, turning to look at him in a way that gave him the impression she was once again bothered by something, trying to cover it up with humor. "How the fuck do you explain  _your_  stupid ass then?"

He opened his mouth to ask what, exactly, she meant by that, but once again that roommate of his seemed to read his mind despite the fact that he was not around. The conversation ended there when his phone violently erupted with an annoying generic ringtone that he had picked only for the fact that all the other tunes the phone came with were even more annoying.

"Fucking wizards, I'm tellin' ya." He said with a grin, fishing the device from his pocket and flipping it open without checking to see who it was. Who the hell else would be calling him, after all?

Itachi's voice immediately rang out before he could even say anything. "Hidan! What's wrong! I have fifteen missed calls from you and ten from Dr. Hoku! Are you okay!? What happened!?"

"Ahh, not much. I almost died, but what else is new?" Since when does Itachi have Kakuzu's number? Hidan doesn't even have his fucking number!

"WHAT!?"

Hidan laughed, glancing at the pinkette beside him only to see that she had returned to not paying attention. "Calm your tits, 'Tachi. I'm alive, obviously."

"What, happened, Hidan." Itachi said slowly in a foreboding tone, though it really didn't seem like an appropriate time for Itachi to be angry. He decided to humor him, knowing he was going to freak out anyway.

"Ahh, I guess my liver decided it didn't like me all the sudden. Kakuzu made it his bitch, it's working fine now. I feel awesome, please don't freak out, kay? It's cool now."

"How on earth is it  _cool_!? Oh my God I-... I'm so sorry Hida you seemed fine and- Dammit. Where are you?"

"In front of the apartment. Oh hey, if you're done getting screwed can you hurry the hell up and come home? I kind of locked myself out."

"My God I can't believe you're so casual.  _Kisame!... I'm leaving... I'll explain later, where's my coat?_ I'll be there in just a second Hidan. I'm on my way now." Ooh yeah, He forgot about Shark-dick, Kakuzu had probably called him, Itachi just made it seem like he was the one who received the call. That made him feel better, though he hadn't really felt bad, just mildly irritated.

"Hey, Mom? Seriously, calm the hell down. It's fine. You're gonna make me start throwing up again if you flip your shit."

"It is absolutely NOT fine! I'll be there in a second." He repeated, and the line went dead.

Hidan lowered the phone and stared at it wearily. "Well...fuck..."

"He's 'flipping his shit' isn't he?" Tayuya said, smirking, apparently over whatever funk she'd briefly been in.

"Yeah, dammit. He's going to race over here and look me over and ask a million questions and probably fucking blame himself and apologize a million times. Goddammit, I hate when he gets all goddamn maternal on me. Which is all the fucking time anyway..."

"You're so rude, You albino fuck." Tayuya said. "He just fucking loves the shit out of you. You should be glad. Does he know I'm here?"

"Oh... whoops. I forgot to tell him. He won't care though."

"Well maybe he won't make a scene in front of me. It  _is_  kind of fuckin' scary though, if I hadn't been there I would have flipped my shit too."

Hidan rolled his eyes, snatching up the pack of cigarettes and swiping another one. He'd get her a new pack before she left, he still had a hundred-plus bucks left from last night that had never gotten spent. He could spare it. "It's really fuckin' not though. You know how many times I've ended up in the hospital from shit like that? 12. One for each mental hospital slash rehab. This makes 13, which is supposedly unlucky, but here I am. I'm obviously fucking immortal."

"Or goddamn lucky. Again I present the question of your ethnicity."

"Oh my God. Shut the hell up."

"Well, come on. You have to admit. I mean, like, come on. Who the hell else  _tries_  to die thirteen times and never succeeds?"

"I was never  _trying_  to die, dumbshit. I just wasn't trying very hard to live. I didn't purposely fucking shoot up heroine thinking 'Yes, this will fucking kill me and that is why I'm doing it.' Don't be fucking stupid." Was that a lie? He didn't know, those had been dark times that the majority of had been spent in non-sobriety. It was hard to recall his exact thoughts, but he didn't think it was a lie.

"Well forgive me for mixing up your blurred fucking lines of rationality."

"And this last time was a complete and total accident. It doesn't fucking count."

"Meh. Whatever. Let's not talk about death huh? I'm too hungover to put forth the energy to be depressed."

Hidan started to bicker further with her, but he was suddenly kind of exhausted as well. Which was weird, cause he'd just slept the sleep of the dead no more than a few hours ago. And he was kind of thrown off by her weird damn mood, she was being awfully surrendering wasn't she? Or maybe not, maybe it just seemed that way because she wasn't talking in her usual sharp, demanding sort of voice.

The depressed comment bugged him, even though he tried to ignore it. He may be a dense fucking idiot but there was no mistaking that she had something on her mind. Half of him was curious, the other half just wanted her to go the hell away before she silently guilt-tripped him enough to inquire. If it was about him almost dying, he was going to start getting pissed.

Really, it wasn't even that big of a deal.

It had happened more than enough times before, but what he'd left out of his explanation to Tayuya is that each and every one of those times, though he hadn't been lieing when he said he'd not intentionally been trying to kill himself, each of those times he  _had_  been confused as to why on earth God kept saving him. And, if each and every one of those 12 near-death experiences didn't kill him when he was all alone in the world, with no reason to live, and still he was far too zealous on life even though he hadn't even been trying to be... If he could live through it with no one, there was absolutely no contest now. Death could not claim him, this much he was sure of.

So bring it on, you big hungry bitch.

 

* * *

 

Itachi woke extremely late that morning, which was reason one for his awful mood. Reason two being that he hadn't slept for almost two days and only getting 6 hours of sleep was more of a kick in the balls than any sort of comfort. Reason three, though he knew what happened the night before at the very moment he became conscious, before his eyes even opened, he still couldn't even seem to remember most of it. And this was in the sense that he could see the images and what had happened as if he had watched some sort of movie, (or in this case would it be a porno, starring himself?) but where had all the emotion and wonderful blissful feelings gone? Surely a lack of sleep couldn't ruin that amazing beauty... at least he remembered thinking it was beautiful. Again, he couldn't really recall.

The fourth reason, though it was technically the first as it was his first thought upon waking up, he was grumpy didn't hold fast but it scared the ever loving shit out of him despite the fact that the fear was completely irrational. He had rolled over in a half-conscious state, trying to find that radiating source of heat that had kept him so unequivocally comfortable all night, and only flat mattress had greeted him. So he rolled the other way, still accomplishing nothing except to tangle himself in the blankets. He'd reached out an arm, brows creasing though his eyes still had not opened as the portion of his mind that was vaguely aware of what was going on informed him that whatever he was trying to do was a futile effort until he woke the hell up, and that he was alone in this bed.

He didn't want to wake up, but dammit, he couldn't find that giant warm boulder that had been next to him all night long. And he needed it to continue his sleep, obviously, or else he would not be awake. That was logical, right?

After a few more minutes of blindly reaching out and feeling around he finally managed to conclude that the heat-rock had vanished, and that because of this he would no longer be able to sleep. So he slowly let his eyes peek open, confused only for a millisecond as to why he was not in his own bedroom. This moment of course was where he was frustrated to learn that his memory had failed him. But more importantly, his rock was gone.

Kisame. Where the hell was he?

He sat up suddenly in bed, instantaneously groaning and flopping back down to the mattress when extreme nausea and a headache that could singlehandedly destroy mount Olympus (Bloody hell he was so hung over he couldn't even form coherent simile's) raged through his skull.

"Kisaaaaa..." He groaned, very near to bursting into tears, mainly for the fact that he  _couldn't fucking remember!_  It wasn't fair, it really wasn't. He knew it had been other-worldly, but it was gone. He didn't feel any different. Weren't you supposed to suddenly become a completely different person or experience some great holy epiphany when you made the realization that you found your soul-mate?

"Kisameeeee..." He moaned again, not even caring that he sounded dangerously similar to a dyeing cow.

Oh God if that oaf left him here all alone he would see to it personally that his reproductive organs never functioned again.

Muffled footsteps sounded into the quiet room, and the door squeaked open, making Itachi happily eat his words. He looked up at the man, regaining a little bit of that warm, fuzzy, adoration in his heart as his eyes lit on the scarred man's smiling face. The tease of that sort of brought back last nights sensations, but not in full-bloom, as he desperately wanted.

_It's alright. He's not going anywhere. There's time to do it again._

"Well good morning sunshine." He laughed. "I thought I heard you but I didn't know if you were awake. You always talk in your sleep?"

"Kisa... I believe I may pass away soon. Please write me a beautiful eulogy, and leave out the sex. I wish to be remembered as who I was, not who I slept with. Though I can't imagine anyone would blame me." He said, far too exhausted to even pay attention to the words that came out his mouth, and directly avoiding the sleep-talking comment. He didn't normally have a habit of it, but yes, he'd been informed by Hidan on several occasions that he liked to have arguments with invisible enemies.

Kisame just laughed heartily, and when the edge of the mattress sank down he re-opened his eyes that he did not realize had closed to look up at him, unable to resist a smile.

"You're definitely out of it." His lover observed, wrapping those wonderful arms around him and dragging him up to a sitting position to where his back rested against Kisame's chest. "Here ya go, Angel."

Itachi resisted complaint even though his body protested the movement, sending his vision swirling in nausea, and instead twisted himself to face his lover and wrap his arms around his middle. He glanced at the Ibuprofen Kisame extended to him and made a childish sound of rejection before burying his face in Kisame's clothes, inhaling his scent as deeply as he could.

"I need to vomit before I take any medicine, or it will likely just come back up as soon as I try to stand."

"True. But no one said you have to get up yet." Kisame said softly, squeezing him and eliciting a groan from the younger, who was suddenly aware of his nudity, but pushed it from his mind in the same instance. He'd been self-conscious enough last night, really there was no reason to be any more.

"It's late. I need to get up and go make sure Hidan made it safely home, and return the keys to the 4H building to the courthouse. And shower, most importantly. Please don't give me any hints as to how I look. I feel atrocious."

"You're always beautiful babe. Don't worry so much. It's only noon, you've got the rest of the day. You did more than enough taking care of the kid for one weekend."

"Hn, and you're so damned  _comfy._ " He said, squirming to press himself harder against the man, his body shaking in time when the larger chuckled.

"Well I made coffee. Anything edible sounded awful, I figured you'd probably feel the same, so the coffee's it. Got plenty of water you can go chug, and the drugs are here whenever you're up to it."

Itachi managed to force out a half-groan of agreement, trying to think straight through the blistering headache wreaking havoc on his brain.

It was worth it, he told himself. There was no contest, what with Dr. Hoku and Hidan finally getting together, and Kisame finally overcoming all his insecurities. The night had been perfection surpassed by perfection, despite the fogginess of all the parts he wanted desperately to recall with precise clarity. Kisa had made that beautifully romantic, public gesture of his love, and then lived past expectations during the latter portion of the night. He really could just lay here against the man like this forever, horrendous hangover or no.

But, he needed to check on Hidan. The oceanic man was absolutely right that he'd done more than enough for his room-mate, but the circumstance would not end until Hidan woke up safely. He had drank more than Itachi last night, but the Uchiha liked to think he had kept a close second, possibly third, depending on how that Tayuya girl had done. He hadn't paid much attention to her though, so he would assume he won second prize. And if he was having this awful of a morning, Hidan was probably worse-still.

Right, so, step one, go throw up. Step two, get rid of the hangover. Step three, shower. And the rest would happen as it happens.

"Where are my clothes?" He said into Kisame's stomach.

"On the floor where you left them."

"I believe  _you_ were the one who removed them. So the correct phrase would be where  _you_  left them."

"How right you are. You're not going to put them back on just yet are you?"

"Not until I'm clean. I may require assistance though."

"And maybe some air. Can you breathe like that?"

"I don't need air. I have you." He said, pushing himself off and taking a deep breath despite the statement, now that he realized it  _was_  rather hard to inhale with your face pressed into someone. "Kisame..." He said, looking up at the beautiful man, who was gently laughing again and running his hands through Itachi's hair, staring at him with those endless black pits that he had for eyes in such affection that it made his heart swell.

"Yes, my Angel?"

"... My ass...  _really_  hurts."

.

After a bout of uncontrollable laughter, which Itachi couldn't help but to join in on briefly until his nausea took hold of him, he was helped to the bathroom where he took care of steps one through three. Kisame left him to his own devices at the Uchiha's encouragement, as he really didn't want to have the man witness him being so disgusting. And nearly an hour later he emerged with dripping hair and a towel around his waist, his headache mostly gone and the urge to vomit relentlessly dissipated completely.

The older was still in the kitchen it seemed, the smell and bubbling sound of a fresh pot of coffee slammed into Itachi and prompted him to take a few steps down the hall toward it before he regained his senses and whirled back around to get dressed.

He considered just borrowing some of Kisame's clothes, as his felt entirely too disgusting though really there was no reason for it. It wasn't as if Hidan wouldn't be able to immediately guess what he'd done after leaving the party, if he wasn't aware already, but unfortunately he was 'small' as everyone so kindly informed him, and Kisame was 'big'. And he didn't really want to feel as if wearing a circus tent when he greeted the world outside. If he didn't have to return to his apartment it may be a different story, but appearance was important. And just like last night, he did not want to give any of the inhabitants of the town that might be looking any more reason to think him a slut.

Without actually looking at his phone, he slipped it into the pocket of his slacks and made his way into the living room to indulge himself with what Kisame had once called 'The nectar of the Gods' not all that long ago. He laughed a little to himself at how very true that was. For some reason that he didn't understand, but still embraced, Coffee was often the first thing one with a hangover reached for. This didn't actually make any sense seeing as a hangover is created from the dehydration that the alcohol causes in the body, and coffee did the very same thing. So really it just made things worse. But, as he said, he was victim to the strange myth as well. So he proceeded to make himself a cup.

Most of the half hour they spent sipping on their coffee was filled with lighthearted teasing, fond glances, inappropriate remarks, and laughter. And his bad mood had all but disappeared. He was just preparing to announce that it was time he returned home to the man-child that was most likely wallowing in misery until Itachi arrived to take care of him when Kisame pulled out his own phone, pushed on the power button and dropped his brows in concern and confusion.

"...Hey, didn't Kakuzu take the kid home last night?"

"He assured me he would, yes. Why?"

"I have like, ten missed calls from him..." He replied, turning his phone to show his list of missed calls that featured the name 'Kakuzu' over and over again until there was no more room left on the screen.

At this point Itachi's heart felt as if it might just explode right out his chest as terror iced through his veins. He frantically struggled to pull his own phone out, sliding a finger across the screen to unlock it and choking out a panic'd sort of noise when he read the words '15 missed calls.'

The first thing he did was find out why the hell they had been missed, infuriated for a second to find that somehow his cell had been turned to silent mode, as he didn't remember doing that. For a second the thought flashed through his head that maybe Kisame had, to keep from getting any interruptions, but he immediately pushed that from his mind before he had the chance to jump to conclusions. Kisame would never do that to him, he'd probably just moved in some weird way or sat on it wrong while he was drunk.

The second thing he did was clarify that all the missed calls were from who he suspected they were. 'Hida' showed against and again on the screen, looking exactly the same as his lovers phone with the exception of the name displayed.

"Oh God..." He breathed, unable to advert any more energy into the words due to the panic. Kisame instantly leaned across the table and grabbed the Uchiha's forearm.

"Now calm down, babe..."

"Don't tell me to calm down. Never tell someone about to have a panic attack to calm down."

"Just don't jump to conclusions, maybe he and Kakuzu had some sort of fight or something and, like, I don't know, maybe he wanted a ride..."

"He would not call me  _fifteen times_  just because he wanted a ride."

"Just keep your composure. He's a grown man, he can take care of himself for one fucking night, surely. Let me call Kakuzu first and see-"

Itachi did not hear the rest as he had already pushed the re-dial button and had the phone up to his ear. He glanced up briefly at the sheek digital clock on Kisame's kitchen wall. It was nearly two in the afternoon. The first call stated that it had occurred mere minutes after he'd left the party, the last one having been missed only an hour and a half ago.

With every ring his chest twisted tighter and tighter. Oh God, what if he had some sort of accident, what if there was complications due to mixing his prescriptions and alcohol, what if he was in the hospital in a coma, and all because of Itachi. No, no no no, he'd watched him so closely all night. If that were going to happen surely it wouldn't have waited until the very second he deemed Hidan okay to be left alone.

_Please no..._

What had he been thinking. DAMN! He should have just waited until Monday, kept him off the pills for a few days. Oh God no, what if he was.. was...

His breathing started to accelerate despite the fact that he was only on the third ring. His fingers tapped in ridiculously quick succession against the table, Kisame only stared at him in concern. Tears were starting to well in his eyes by the fourth ring, if he reached the voicemail and Hidan didn't pick up and he couldn't hear his voice and know that he was alive and breathing, even if he wasn't alright, he would likely launch himself into a frenzy.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._

His eyes flicked to Kisame, who didn't move or change his expression or do anything at all except stare back. The Uchiha knew that the big man's concern was most likley mainly just for him and the reaction he was having, but he pretended just for the moment that his lover was just as concerned for his dearest friend as he was.

His heart leaped into his throat when someone finally picked up on the other end of the line. He didn't wait for anyone to say anything as he felt like he was quite literally about to die of a heart-attack, and launched immediately into a frenzy of panic-filled questions.

.

Hidan had been the one who answered, Thank God. He'd calmed down significantly as soon as his roommates voice filtered into his ears, but that didn't stop the gnawing guilt and lingering terror that continued to envelop him at Hidan's rather unspecific recollection of what had happened. He assured himself as he rushed around looking for his coat that once he had a full explanation, surely he would feel better, that surely this was not completely and entirely his fault as he felt it was, despite Kisame continuously trying to assure him otherwise even though Itachi really hadn't even explained what the hell was going on.

It wasn't that hard to connect the dots, really, seeing as he'd stated the possibility of this situation repeatedly to the man who had served as his bouncer for the whole of the night. Why the hell the seriousness of this outcome had not struck him sooner, he did not know.

Damned humanity, we never realize the enormity of the consequences of our actions until we're in the midst of dealing with them.

And especially with that lecture he'd given Hidan all those months ago when he'd pulled that little stunt with the Parrot Bay that had actually just been water, how could he have... God! How could he be so stupid?

"Where the hell is my damned jacket!" He half-shouted after scurrying around the room like a blind rat in his search, only to whirl around and find Kisame standing behind him, staring in guilty amusement with the article of clothing in his hand.

He stopped after seeing the man's expression, anger bubbling up in him for the fact that everyone seemed to be so nonchalant about the fact that his dearest friend in the universe had nearly just died thanks to Itachi's negligence. But the Uchiha, being the therapist that he was, was not one to normally act on such impulses, as words said in anger did more damage than most actions. This he knew personally.

So he closed his eyes, trying desperately to collect himself with a few deep breaths, before calmly reaching out to grab the coat and slip it on.

"I'm sorry Kisa... I just..."

"I know babe." Kisame said, stepping forward to cup his chin. "But everyone there had a part to play. Don't go blaming it all on yourself huh? He sounded like he was doing just fine."

"I know... I know... I just... I just need to go make sure."

"Everyone makes mistakes, Angel. It turned out okay."

"You.. don't understand, Kisame. Everyone I've held dear previous to this left me because of careless mistakes that turned into tragedies... I know I'm over-reacting. But I can't help it." Tears stung just behind his eyes, and he tilted his head up further too look at the ceiling as he fought to resist them. "It's petrifying. My family disowned me, my brother won't speak to me, I've lost countless friends, but they're still alive, at the very least. If I lost Hidan..."

_Get a grip Uchiha, this is no time to wallow in self-pity._

"I understand more than you think. I'm an 'over-emotional idiot', as Kakuzu would say, remember?" Kisame said, laughing lightly and hunching over to bring their lips together. "For what it's worth, I think it's sexy, the way you try so hard to protect him. That's just who you are; a protector. But let's go, I'll take you to your car."

Itachi's muscles un-tensed somewhat at the kiss, he resisted the inappropriate urge to throw himself at the man and demand more, taking a step back and forcing himself to give his lover an appreciative smile. He'd forgotten completely in his frenzy that his car was still out at the fairgrounds in front of the 4H building. Thank God Kisame had said something or he probably would have rushed right out only to have to return back inside to the taller man who would undoubtedly give him a teasing smirk.

"Yes, he locked himself out of the apartment, apparently. So we should hurry." He did allow a real smile at that comment. Oh Hidan... He could bounce back from  _anything._

.

.

Seeing Tayuya sitting the in grass next to the pale man when he finally pulled into his designated driveway had not been expected. But he was glad for it, mainly for the fact that he could only assume the girl had likely stood next to him during the entirety of what happened. Despite their strange sort of friendship, he knew they were close. She was just as easy to read as Hidan, mostly. Aside from being more clever and possibly more intuitive, she wore her thoughts and emotions out on her sleeve in the same way his crazy roommate did. And though he really knew absolutely nothing about the girl, she didn't seem to be all that bad of a person. Abrasive and over-bearing, perhaps, but she had a good heart.

So he was comforted by the assumption that both she and Dr. Hoku had been there for Hidan in his absence. And of course he had calmed down considerably after Kisame's gentle coaxing and the tandom drive first to his car and then to the apartment. Apparently the Doctor had managed to get back to his vehicle, as it was missing from the parking spot it had been in last night. He could only assume Hidan had come with him, as the guitar that the albino and Itachi alike had forgotten was missing from his backseat, where Kisame informed him he had left it.

Hidan's clear apprehension also served as a mental relaxer as he got out of his car and their eyes met.

At least for the first five steps, it did.

Then he threw it to the wind and pretty well leaped the remaining two feet and tackled his favorite idiot to the ground, wrapping his arms around his pale neck and fighting as hard as he could against the relieved sobs that threatened to burst from him. They would go unappreciated, but damn it all, he couldn't help himself. Hidan of course started letting out strings of swears while Tayuya snorted and snickered and then 'aawwee'd' in the background. He ignored both of these things though.

"I'm so sorry Hida." He said, surprised at how his voice remained calm though he had fully expected it to come out in a sobbing, pathetic whine.

"Goddamit Uchiha you're making a scene, you fucking woman!" Hidan shouted directly into his ear as he tried to pry the smaller body off of him.

He did pull back, now sitting on his knees. Reached out to firmly grip his friends shoulder when he also returned to a sitting position and brought his face close. "Absolutely no more drinking. Ever. I shouldn't have let you do it in the first place. I'm sorry." He said again.

Hidan only scoffed and slapped his hands away. "Motherfucker I can make my own goddamned decisions. And it wasn't the fucking alcohol anyway, it was the pills you goddamn sadistic Shrinks force me to take! Kakuzu said so himself!"

"Don't be ridiculous, it was a combination of both. And it wasn't as if your liver was in the best of shape beforehand anyway. Dr. Nara said your enzymes were ridiculously high last time they did an evaluation." He said, leaning backward to situate himself so that he was sitting cross-legged. He rested his elbows on his knees and his chin on his entwined fingers. "I want the full story. Details."

"Well you'll have to ask Pinkie cause I was fucking unconscious for most of it. All I know is one minute I'm good and the next minute I'm hooked up to fucking machines and shit and then I woke up in the clinic to this bitch's annoying-ass voice."

"Oh you love the melodious sound of my voice, fuckface." Tayuya retorted.

Itachi nodded at his summary, not believing for even a second that it had been all that sudden, but he wasn't anyone to disagree, as Hidan had been acting perfectly fine the last time he saw him anyway, and then twisted himself to face Tayuya. "Please use your melodious voice to explain what happened."

Hidan made a noise that signaled that he was attempting to stifle a laugh, and the girl was obviously taken a little off guard by his words, blushing the smallest bit before giving the albino on his other side an ugly glare.

Itachi had not been so drunk as to not remember that she had some sort of infatuation with he and Kisame. It was awkward, a little bit, but he was still gripped in warring emotions of worry and relief and anger at himself to concern himself with the fact. And he was still grateful for her presence, though he was slightly curious as to  _why_  she was present. However he wasn't going to get into that until he had heard the full story.

"Well, It's pretty much what that idiot said. We were waiting on a cab outside with his boss and he was acting kind of weird and so I asked him if he was okay and he said he was fine like the dumbshit he is, and then his boss said something about his liver and then he kind of just collapsed. So I'm guessing it probably wasn't all the sudden like he said but you know, it was sudden for me 'cause I didn't know what the hell was going on." She spoke matter of factley, shrugging at the last bit as if it were no big deal. Itachi took a second to send his roommate a disapproving glance, to which he only received an eye roll, then gestured for her to continue.

"Then the cab got there and we hauled his stupid ass inside and his boss starts checking his pulse and shit and we went to his little clinic and Kakuzu- That's his name right?- Yeah, Kakuzu got him all set up on the little podium thing and started putting an IV in him but Hidan started freaking the fuck out and made him miss his mark or some shit and so we had to kind of fucking strap him down and that just made him flip out even more. He woke up every so often and kept freaking out so I calmly tried to explain to him what was going on-"

" _Calmly!_ Bitch you were fucking yelling at me and making it even worse!" Hidan interrupted loudly.

"Well I had to fucking yell so you could hear me over your goddamned screaming!"

"Bullshit I didn't even start freaking out until you wouldn't let me get up!"

"Because you had a goddamned needle in your arm you would have ripped it out and bled to death you fucking dipshit!"

"Excuse me." Itachi said quietly just as Hidan opened his mouth to shout back. "Save the arguing for after I've been fully informed of the situation please. Continue, Tayuya."

"'Tachi she's making it out so much fucking worse than it was. Seriously."

"Are you calling me a goddamned liar!?"

"Children!" Itachi snapped. "For the love of God, it's not as if either of you are in trouble. I just want to know what happened. Hidan,  _please,_  hold your interruptions until she's finished."

"Tch, whatever." Hidan mumbled, looking much like a pouting little boy as he crossed his arms and directed his gaze to the street. The Uchiha could sort of understand, his friend was obviously very concerned about the whole deal being blown out of proportion, though really it was being treated like just the opposite. He had already told himself that he wouldn't humiliate the poor guy any further by 'flipping his shit', especially after Tayuya had mentioned Hidan's little panic attack during the midst of the situation. It was probably why he was so reluctant to talk about it, he was just embarrassed at showing his vulnerability, as he always was. It was the same reason the oaf couldn't ever just come right out and talk about his feelings on most occasions, despite knowing full-well that Itachi wouldn't think any less of him for doing so.

He was concerned now, of course. And admittedly Tayuya's explanation wasn't nearly as detailed as he would have liked it to be. For instance he'd like to know exactly what Hidan had been saying and why he had 'freaked out'. But that was more or less just curiosity, it didn't matter in the grand scheme of things. It wasn't as if he was oblivious, he could sort of figure out that Hidan had likely been under the impression that he'd had another overdose or something to the matter. The man had been through plenty of those in his life previous to when he showed up on the Uchiha's doorstep, and so the raven-haired man had no way of knowing  _exactly_  what had been going on. Despite the fact that he  _was_  curious, a part of him also didn't want to know. Hidan had made nothing but improvement since he'd moved in, aside from the occasional emotional setback, nothing like this had ever happened under Itachi's watch. And knowing the kind of trauma it likely put the poor man though, despite being played off as 'no big deal', well... it made him feel more guilty than ever.

"Well, anyway. That's pretty much it." Tayuya continued, just as vague as the rest of the explanation had been. "I woke him up around eleven I think, and he was better. So His boss got us all in a cab and took us back to that building and then we hopped in his car and he dropped us off. Tried to get inside but this shit-for-brains remembered that he left his keys in his other pants, and so here were are."

"See, no big deal. Everything's fine." Hidan added.

Itachi sighed and turned back to him, forcing himself to give the man a smile. "Yes, it's fine  _now._  I'm sorry, Hidan. For not being there with you. I watched you like a hawk all night, I thought the danger had passed."

"Would you stop with your fuckin' apologies? Damn. S'not like it hasn't happened before."

"Not because of me, it hasn't."

Hidan hesitated, seeming to finally consider his roommates feelings on the matter. He shrugged and reached to rub the back of his neck. "It's okay, 'Tachi. Really."

"Yes. It is now. I am glad Dr. Hoku was there. I likely would have been a blubbering, useless mess had I been in his position."

"Tch. Probably. That's why it's okay though. Besides, " He said, grinning. "No party in my name is complete without a little bit of fuckin' chaos."

Itachi laughed despite himself. "How very true. At least you enjoyed yourself before that awful mess."

"FUCKING HELL DID I!" Hidan said, flailing a little bit now that the awkward moment had passed and his excitement poured back into him. "Am I a bad ass or what!? I thought I was going to get fucking raped there for awhile. Those bitches were all over my shit!"

"It was indescribably amusing, yes."

"Pisses me off though. Everyone treats me like shit and then suddenly I'm the coolest motherfucker on earth. As if I wasn't all a-fucking-long."

"I'm sure your popularity sky-rocketed now that you've made your debut. Soon we'll have fan-mail and fan girls trying to break down our door."

"Cocky bastard." Tayuya interrupted. "Too bad you're taken huh? Mister fucking goddamn Uchiha, were you aware that he and his boss have a 'thing'?" She said, twisting her fingers around each other. "Don't fucking answer that because I already know you did. You goddamned little liar. You tricked me!"

Itachi smirked at her but kept his lips sealed, turning then to Hidan who was also smiling. Aside from he and Kisame's little adventure, that occurrence had been the highlight of his night. Not so much the whole 'walking in on them' part, but just that it had finally happened, and how very alive and happy Hidan had been afterward. Even now the man was almost glowing at the very mention of it.

"Yeah, yeah. It's a fucking secret though okay? So shut the hell up about it." Hidan stood up then, brushing the grass off himself and grabbing his guitar. "People in this town don't know how to mind their own goddamned business. I don't fucking like people sticking their noses in mine. Speaking of which, Uchiha, it's apparently all around fucking town that you and Shark-dick are screwing."

"What!?" He yelped, standing up in time with Tayuya. How the hell could anyone possibly know that!?

Hidan only gave him a mischievous grin. "Aaahh, so you  _did_  get laid last night. Explains where the fuck you were this whole time. Gross. Can we go inside?"

He stated toward the door, with Itachi jumping into step behind him, panicking a little bit yet again. "How do you know that everyone knows?"

"The fucking neighbor asked me to tell you to tell your fuck-buddy that he's looking for babysitters a little while ago. He's like fucking Kakuzu's age, if  _he_  knows, everyone knows. These old codgers aren't so good with the internet and all that shit, seriously."

Itachi relaxed a little bit now as the trio ascended the steps up to the front door. Oh, the town didn't  _literally_  know that they'd finally taken that step. He was just referring to the fact that his relationship with Kisame had been made public. And he didn't doubt that everyone knew, he'd lived in this town his entire life, excluding the few years he'd been banished to college, he knew very well how fast word traveled. People had nothing better to do with their time anymore than give their unwanted opinion on the lives of everyone around them. Small towns were nothing more than a giant, glorified high school.

It didn't bother him so much now. As he'd learned repeatedly in high school that the spotlight would be removed from he and Kisame in time, as soon as the next gossip-worthy scandal occurred. It was his boyfriends idea to make their status common knowledge, and though part of him was still apprehensive about it, there really wasn't anything to be done about it now but accept it and ignore whatever grief they would surely receive for it.

At least Tayuya was keeping blessedly silent. He was moderately embarrassed now, that Hidan had done that in front of her knowing full-well of her little fan girl-like crush on them was insensitive, but he couldn't possibly even think to bring himself to be sore with the idiot, considering what had happened.

It was still a good day, despite the terrible night that had given way to it. As they say, it's always darkest before the dawn.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey!! Wierdo has internet again!!!   
> I"M ALIIIIVEEE!!  
> ALIIIIVVVEEEEEE!  
> *coughcough*  
> Anyway yeah... so.... finally get to start posting again. :)

Itachi did not waste too much time in returning to his bed for some long awaited rest. His guilt had somewhat eased, which comforted him greatly. Just like Hidan, he really didn't want to make a giant ordeal out of this, as it had already been bad enough. But at the same time he didn't want to deny the matter the attention it deserves.

He supposed any further conversing about it could be saved until later. Hidan  _was_  alive and acting just fine, even though he'd been acting just fine before it had all happened.

_Brain, off._

He clenched his eyes tighter and pulled the sheets around him, terribly unsettled for reasons he both could and couldn't really explain. He didn't have any sort of random tidbits of knowledge on things like this. What did it mean when life started intentionally sabotaging you? When she distracted you with one moment of amazing, rapturous, unexplainable happiness while simultaneously working to the side to brew a situation that could potentially destroy everything that you are?

He tried to calm himself and just wrap his entire conscious mind around Kisame and  _that_  experience, and after a few hours he fell into a sort of sleep that was just barely  _not_  sleep. As if though he was moderately sleeping, he was still aware of the world around him, of the sounds of muffled screaming and Hidan and Tayuya's laughter alike as they watched one of those disgusting gory thrasher movies. He heard what sounded relatively like a string of fireworks go off, but concluded it to be popcorn when the beeper for the microwave pinged through his half-conscious state. And although he'd been sure he hadn't fallen asleep at all, when he finally grew tired of counting the minutes pass he opened his eyes and glanced at his alarm clock, which revealed that it was now 8 hours later; landing the time at just after 10.

"Wonderful..." He muttered angrily, flinging the blanket off himself due to the fact that he was suddenly wide awake. It was strange, he'd only spent one night that he couldn't really even remember with Kisame, and yet now his body acted as if it refused to let him rest without his rock there beside him. Or perhaps it could be that his sleep cycle had been thrown ridiculously far off track...

Either way he was now awake at 10 o'clock at night on a Sunday when he should be going to sleep. Work was going to be awful tomorrow, of that much he was sure...

He supposed he should fix himself a sandwich or some sort of something edible, as he hadn't really eaten since dinner on Friday. And he didn't want to lose an entire 2 lbs and have people suddenly calling him anorexic. Imbeciles.

He tried to clear away the sudden storm cloud hovering over him as he slipped on a loose tee-shirt and shuffled down the hallway. Now that his mind was lingering on the townspeople, he couldn't seem to do that. Itachi was not a hateful person, honestly. He would admit that he could be somewhat of a bitch when you set him off, but he did not hold grudges, or tried very hard not to. They're simply not worth the energy of caring about.

And though he'd come to the conclusion that it was okay that his relationship had become public, and that there was nothing to do about it, he was now inexplicably angry about it. Society, humanity. Hidan often stated how much he hated it. And though the Uchiha didn't agree completely with him, he certainly didn't like what it had been reduced too. Why did it matter who people were with? Unless one of the people in the couple is cheating, it does not affect anyone else, and there's no reason to gossip about it.

Sure, he could be accused just as much as anyone else of gossip. But for the most part it was harmless gossip, and for the rest of the part, he had no friends anyway to gossip with, except Hidan, who's focus on his masculinity usually opted out of any sort of gossip session. He was good acquaintances with a couple of his fellow psychiatrists, but that's all it was.

Damn, didn't gay men stereo-typically have themselves constantly surrounded with female friends? Why didn't he have any friends?

Oh right, because you had to actually go out and  _make_  friends. And he didn't do that because it was too much work to try and overcome the multiple labels that had been slapped onto him in this town. Because being trustworthy had practically gone extinct, and he had no intention of getting to know someone who was just going to disappear. That was not only exhausting, but painful.

He sighed just as he exited the hall, and the rain cloud lifted somewhat when he was suddenly greeted with the sight of Hidan and Tayuya passed out on the couch, mostly from shock.

 _She's still here?_  Was his first thought, but that was blown completely out of the water when he realized that she was using Hidan as a pillow, and was snuggled rather close to him. He stopped in his tracks, brows furrowing in concern for this situation laid out before him.

The T.V was still on, having been turned to some regular channel now that the movie was over, and was sending it's blue-tinted flickers of light softly on the two.

Hidan was sprawled sort of diagonally on one edge of the couch, his head falling back to rest right in the crook where the tier met the armrest, with one leg stretched out across the cushions and the other foot on the floor. It looked as if he'd just fallen asleep while watching whatever show they had been consumed in.

Tayuya, however, was in a sort of fetal position, knees drawn up tight to her body with her arms crossed rightly beneath them. She was leaning on Hidan, halfway facing him, with her head placed comfortably on his chest, rising and falling ever so slightly as the albino breathed rhythmically in his slumber. This pushed the Uchiha's analytical mind to assume that his roommate had fallen asleep first, and the pinkette had used the opportunity to cuddle up next to him. Whether this actually happened or not, he couldn't be certain. Maybe he was just subconsciously defending his 'taken' friend, mainly for the fact that he didn't think Hidan to be any sort of cuddler, or any sort of cheater, despite how fresh and new he and Dr. Hoku's relationship was.

A bowl of mostly kernels sat on the coffee table in front of them, as well as two coffee mugs, one of them still half-full. And he was disturbed deeply by how he had just walked in on what appeared in all instances to be a date-night between two lovers.

Because they were not, he reminded himself, as he was also disturbed by the random thought of how cute the scene was. Damn his womanly tendencies to gush over romantic situations.

Tayuya had informed him that she did not think of Hidan in that way. And he knew that the albino did not feel like that about her either, as he knew for a fact his mind had been constantly centered around the Doctor for months on end.

 _So what the hell was this_!?

A terrible, foreboding feeling began brewing in his gut, and he let his inner-Hidan free inside his mind momentarily to rant and rave.  _Goddammit, he didn't need anymore bullshit to deal with right now. What the fuck were they doing? How the fucking hell could they let him walk in on this? Stupid fucking idiots. Stupid bitch. Get the hell off him. This is no fucking time for that kind of shit. Goddammit. Fuck. Shit!_

He resisted the urge to clear his throat and wake them up, as they were likely just as exhausted as he was. That, and the fact that Hidan was once again sleeping despite the fact that he had been unconscious for most of the previous night. No, he wasn't about to wake him up, especially not to something that had the potential to turn into a 'drama-bomb' as the teenagers say.

So instead he tiptoe'd past them and went to the kitchen, though once he got there he realized that if he tried to go about making himself anything to eat, he would likely make some sort of noise and risk waking them up.

 _But this is okay..._  He reasoned. He could just pretend he hadn't seen anything, and save everyone the embarrassment and stuttered half-truths that would likely come flooding out in their own defense.

So he set about making himself a sandwich with a small bowl of cottage cheese.

They did not even stir.

He sat at the table, letting the bowl clunk down rather loudly onto the surface, looking immediately over to the pair as he did so.

Still no reaction.

He scowled, studying them for awhile, before his eyes absently drifted to the Television. They'd been watching MTV2, watching music videos, as the original MTV had been reduced to shows about pregnant teenagers, famous people with dying careers, and illiterate idiots who drank and partied and fried their lives away on tanning beds.

John Legend's newest song 'All of me' was playing. Itachi liked that song, it made him think of Kisame, of course, because romantic songs were intended to bring to mind one's significant other.

" _What would I do without your smart mouth? Drawin' me in and you kickin' me out. Got my head spinnin', Nooo kiddin', I caaan't pin you down. What's goin' on in that beautiful mind? I'm on your magical mystery ride. And I'm sooo dizzy, don't know what hit me. But I'll be alright..."_

If one removed the fact that John Legend was obviously talking about a woman he loved, the song sort of reminded him of his dear friend as well. If it could be considered a song about platonic love as well, it would certainly chime a bell of familiarity to he and his roommate.

" _My heads underwaaater, but I'm breathing fine. You're crazy, and I'm out of my mind...'Cause all of me, loooves all of you. All your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections. Give your aaall to me, I'll give my aaall to 're my end and my beginning, even when I lose I'm winning..."_

Okay, so it was a little hard to think of it as  _just_  a platonic love song. So he'd just stick with thinking of Kisame while it played and he absently munched on his food. Though of course that wasn't exactly easy, as he was constantly plagued by the reminder of the very delicate, tricky situation Hidan was currently in every time he looked back over to watch the video accompaniment to the song.

He really wished one of them would wake up. He didn't know what the hell to do, and this was getting more and more uncomfortable as each second dragged on by.

John Legend stopped singing, Itachi finished his sandwich and started in on the cottage cheese, and as he shifted to sit cross-legged on the chair, (Hidan often teased him about how he always sat cross-legged, accused him of having a phobia of his feet touching the ground. That was ridiculous, of course, for obvious reasons. He simply just found it more comfortable.) a string of commercials played before giving way to a song that had come out sometime last year. It was a duet between Jason Mraz and Christina Perri, which automatically pushed him to assume it would be something relating to broken hearts.

Just as the introduction piano music filtered out into the room, one of the individuals on the couch finally stirred. Itachi was happy to see Tayuya's pink hair- a complete rat nest by now- lean up into a sitting position. She stretched, and yawned quietly, sniffed, and then stared down at Hidan.

The Uchiha could only see a very small portion of the side of her face thanks to her tangled mess of hair, and because of this it was hard to see what she was thinking. But she stared at him for a very long time. He let her, and merely sat back and watched, mostly for curiosity's sake. She lifted her arm, extending it toward his face as if to stroke his cheek, and then stopped herself, dropping her hand and letting out a long sigh before she scooted back to the other edge of the couch and reclaimed her fetal position, wrapping her arms around her shins and resting her head on her knees. She continued to stare at Hidan.

In the background, Christina Perri sang; " _The sun is filling up the room, and I can hear you dreaming. Do you feeeel the way I do? Right now_..."

She finally turned now to look at the T.V., which had the title of the song - Distance- at the bottom corner of the screen. He heard her mumble a soft "Fuck off Christina, I don't need this shit right now..."

Christina didn't listen.

" _I wish weee would just give up. 'Cause the best paart is falling. Call it aaanything but looove..._ "

At this point Jason Mraz joined in, and Itachi directed his steady stare to the screen as well, trying to pay close attention to the lyrics. He didn't like the vibe he was getting from her. Drama bomb, indeed.

" _And I'll maaaake suuuure, to keeep myyy distaaance. Saaay 'I love yoouu' when you're not list'nin. Hooooow loooong, can we keep this up, up, uuu-uuup?_ "

Tayuya sighed, and buried her face into her knees. And it was at this point that Itachi finished his food and gently set the cup down, though making sure that it would make the slightest bit of noise to attract her attention.

It worked. Her head snapped up in his direction, and her eyes went wide at his presence. Her mouth dropped open, and he quickly held a finger to his lips and nodded toward Hidan. She followed the gesture and her lips fell closed. She turned back to him, blushing furiously and looking as if she were so ashamed of herself that she might burst into tears.

Of course, compassion and empathy flooded him at her pitiful expression, and he held up a finger again and rose to silently take his dishes to the kitchen and deposit them in the sink. From there he ghosted out, and motioned for her to follow him as he began heading back down the hall.

She did not follow immediately, apprehension and vague panic sweeping across her features when he stopped to consider her. And so he made the motion again. This time she finally slipped off the couch and tip-toe'd around the coffee table.

.

"I'm sorry.." She said after the man had shut his bedroom door and before he could even seat himself on the bed next to her. He moved to do this, adjusting himself once again to sit Indian-style.

"For what?"

She just gave him a  _look._  And he smiled and let out a small laugh, waving it away. "I'm not here to chastise you. You seem troubled, and as you may know, I'm very good at helping people organize their thoughts." Though he  _was_  very bothered by this new development. Damn, he'd finally managed to get the Doctor and his roommate together, and now this wild card comes into the picture. Couldn't he ever catch a break?

"I'm taking it you were stretching the truth when you told me after we'd first met that you don't think of Hidan in a romantic sense?"

"No!" She defended quickly, "I'm not a fucking liar. I really didn't, then."

"But you do now?"

She remained silent, picking at a loose string on her shirt.

"There's no need to be so reserved. God knows I have no right to judge. I  _am_  a 'shrink,' as Hidan would say. I only want to help."

She scoffed. "Don't bring that fucking idiot into this."

This of course confused Itachi, which prompted him to ask; "You mean Hidan?"

"No, of course not, dipshit. I mean  _God._  I hear enough of that fucking crap from your roomie. I thought you were smarter than that, to believe in a fucking fairy-tale."

"Religion is not a fairy tale." He corrected her. "It's a matter of faith and belief, as you stated. And I assure you that I'm not particularly religious, I just suffered a slip of the tongue. 'God' has worked his way into everyday sayings. The expression 'Oh my God', for instance, to state one's disbelief or frustration."

"Okay, okay, my bad. Don't get all fucking teacher on me." She said, rolling her eyes. "I don't really feel like 'talking' though. I'm not a 'talker'. I'm a brooder."

"Ah, my brother is a brooder. I have experience with that as well, so let me inform you, it's not healthy to bottle up your emotions. Not implying that you should just be an emotional wreck, just that when given the opportunity to vent rationally and logically, you should accept it." He said, raising a brow to imply that he was, of course, referring to the current situation.

Though, he was apprehensive about it as well. He'd been in this situation hundreds of times before, teenage girls and even the occasional boy coming to him because they were so intensely troubled over unwanted affection for another human. They would talk it out, and on most cases came to a decision of their own just through speaking their thoughts out loud. Itachi didn't mind, of course. But this situation was different. These were not random strangers, nor innocent teenagers that knew nothing of the unfairness of life.

This was a twenty-two year old woman that, from what he'd gathered thus far, had suffered a very traumatic relationship and been sent to a psyche ward after she'd finally escaped from it. Punished for escaping a situation that may very well have brought about her end by receiving judgment from third parties and receiving a permanent stamp that could not be erased on her legal records that prevented her from continuing on with a normal life.

As he'd stated before, woman, to him, were an entirely different species. But this particular girl was a mirrored, gender-swapped image of his best friend. The fact that she  _wasn't_  a slave to her emotions gave him hope that perhaps he would actually be able to think rationally and not damage her mental state any further.

"Tch. Just what I'd expect from a shrink." She huffed, mimicking that noise Hidan always made, and thus only concreting the fact that she needed some sort of guidance. "You all think that sitting down and talking shit out will change everything. It doesn't, though. Talking doesn't help. It's just fucking talking. It's not fucking different than daydreaming or fantasizing. The only thing that helps is getting up and fucking doing something about it."

"That's very true, Tayuya." He said quietly. Plenty of unwilling clients of his had stated something similar to this. "But talking helps organize your thoughts so that you can make an informed decision, instead of an impulsive guess. Think of it as if writing down a list of pro's and-"

"Look." She interrupted, holding up her hand and looking at him wearily. "I appreciate the fucking gesture. You're a super-good guy and all. But I really... just don't want to talk about it. I should have just left earlier, but I don't know if I have enough fucking money to pay for all the bus-rides it's going to take to get me back home. I kind of wanted to ask Hida for a little extra cash, but I felt bitchy doing that... He already pays me for his lessons anyway, and I know he's got even more fucking dept than me..."

"Hn. You're so similar to him. It still throws me despite telling myself this every five minutes. He doesn't like to ask for help either."

She scowled. "I don't fucking need help! I just need cash."

"It's the same thing."

"No it's not! It's... it's totally different. I don't need anyone's help..."

"I find it contradicting that you think that, seeing as you had to get a ride from a girl you rather dislike just to make it down here, and you requested to stay here for the night, and now you fear you might be stranded in an unfamiliar town as you try to make your way home."

"Shut the hell up, you don't know me."

"You're right. I don't. But I'm trying."

She only responded to this with a suspicious glare. He took a mental step back. Okay, she's very similar to Hidan, but she is not exactly like him _._  Which meant he likely wouldn't get anywhere with his usual methods of logically pointing out all the faults in her way of thinking. He briefly considered just giving up, seeing as he really didn't want to get into all that much either. But of course there was his damn curiosity. And even more important that that, she was likely going to stay here for tonight, and for Hidan's sake he didn't really want to let her wander back out into that room while he lay there sleeping peacefully.

He didn't really see her going so far as to molest the man or something in his sleep, but being so similar to Hidan, and seeing that she had already fallen asleep against him, he didn't want the albino to wake up into an awkward situation and over-react. As he knew without even a hint of a doubt that she would over-react right back. And anything could occur after that was most likely something he really did not want to deal with, as the thought of Hidan almost dying was still fresh on his mind despite the fact that really, he hadn't been all that close to death, thanks to Dr. Hoku.

So he tried a different approach. "Tayuya.." He said softly. "I know that you've only recently returned to Hidan's life. I haven't been part of it for all that long either. I can see that you care greatly for him, just as I do. That makes you and I very much alike as well. In those regards, I'm asking you to help me help you, not because I'm a therapist, but because of our mutual friendship to that man out there."

She still didn't speak, but it as least seemed as if she was finally considering the option. He pressed on. "You obviously mean a great deal to him too. Or he would not tolerate your presence in his life as well as he does. He doesn't have very many people he allows himself to care for, but you are one of them. And because of that I don't want this speed bump to end up robbing him of your friendship."

"Yeah well, that's probably what's going to happen..." She finally said, deflating right there on the spot. She finally looked up to him, tears in her eyes. "Because I'm not going to fucking do this to myself again. I can't handle it. You know, I've always stood by the belief that the majority of the people labeled as 'crazy' aren't really crazy. People just don't fucking like their opinions and actions, so they slap these labels on them to comfort themselves, meanwhile making people like me and Hidan think that we're somehow fucked up just so they don't have to deal with us."

She paused to sniff, attempting to control herself despite a single tear, stained with her heavy eye-liner that had miraculously stayed in place all through the party, last night, and the whole of today. "Maybe I really am psycho. I don't fucking know. But I can't handle this kind of emotional shit. Honestly, I didn't plan on this shit happening, even though I should have fucking caught on the second you asked me to come down, and I got so fucking excited that I'd get to see him again that I couldn't even think straight. It sucks, you know? I pretty much convinced myself that my heart was so fucking broken that it could never function again. And I would have been just fine living the rest of my life without ever feeling this way ever again. Especially for a fucking  _guy._  It's just... way too much trouble."

"I can understand that..." Itachi said honestly.

"Good, so you can understand why I can't fucking stand it when people start going on a bout some stupid fucking  _man_  in the sky that supposedly supposed to love everyone unconditionally, but is actually just a big fucking dick that enjoys fucking torturing people that don't deserve it and rewarding all the people that  _should_  get treated like shit.

"I got fucking married when I was sixteen. I ran away from home to be with this fucking deadbeat guy because I was so fucking sure he was 'the one'. And it was good for awhile. And then everything fucking changed all the sudden even though it wasn't fucking sudden at all. And somehow in there I ended up hating him so much that I literally wished he would just die every single fucking second of the day. And I  _went_  to the goddamn therapy and I  _took_  the goddamn pills but it didn't solve the problem because the fucking problem wasn't me, it was  _him._ But still I did what everyone told me and I kept trying to make it work, and in the end I fucking snapped. I don't even remember what happened, all I know is one minute he's calling me a stupid bitch, accusing me of doing something he had absolutely no reason to think I did. And he hit me that one last time, and then suddenly I'm in the back of a cop car, bawling like a pathetic little bitch and thinking to myself;  _My fucking life is over and I didn't even get to live it._ "

Itachi listened silently, pushing his own opinions back. Every story has two sides, as goes the saying. But he couldn't help but be enraged by her story, however generic and common it was in America these days.

Everyone has their own tale, their own experiences. And despite knowing this, we as humans continue to cast judgement on people based only on how they act at the present moment. The woman was certainly a vulgar, rude, temperamental person on first appearances. But she had a very good reason for it, as far as he was concerned. He, too, could act just like her, and anyone who ventured deep enough into his past would likely not blame him. However he'd chosen a different path that lead him to a different place. It really  _was_  all about perception.

"I was a good goddamned person. I had lots of friends. I made good grades in school before I dropped out to be with that prick. I had good parents. They won't speak to me now. I followed my heart, or at least that's what I fucking thought I was doing. And this is what happened. What the fucking hell did I do to deserve that? I mean, I'm not some sort of self-pitiful little bitch, but come the fuck on! What the goddamn hell would possess me to give up everything I fucking had for some guy that may very fucking well have been the devil incarnate? I  _hate_  Hidan's belief in that fucker. Rationalize it any fucking way you want, maybe I'm jealous of his fucking faith, of the piece of mind he gets from it, of his fucking dedication. I don't fucking know. All I know is someone out there in the universe connected a fucking wire wrong in my head and I ended up destroying  _everything._ "

She was actually crying now, though the tears were the only indication. Her voice did not waver and she did not sob, and except for her sniffling, there was no other reactions. "I don't really even like girls like that... 'Tachi..." She said, using Hidan's nickname for him. "I just... I can't do it on my own. I can't get a job, and I can't get a place to live if I can't get a job. I lived with him for four fucking years, he took care of all the financial shit. I wasn't allowed to do anything, I didn't even get to have friends. That's why I play so many goddamned instruments, that's why I'm such a sucker for meaningful music. That's all I had to do. And it sucks that he's kind of the reason I'm so good at the only fucking thing that I'm good at. But I never learned how to do anything else. So once they finally released me from that place and the divorce had been all taken care of and that bastard didn't leave me fucking  _anything,_  I didn't know what to do. And I told myself I'd never fucking depend on a man like that again. That I'd get my shit together, that that was the last time I'd ever go to one of those places. But it's just not that easy... So I moved in with a chick. She turned out to be gay, she wanted more from me than just friendship, and I figured well, why the fucking hell not? I mean she was kind enough to let me live with her and feed me and give me a place to sleep when I literally didn't have anything, not even a good personality, to offer her. I... I don't feel anything for her. I don't even like girls like that..." She repeated, sniffing deeply, then looking up again to meet Itachi's eyes.

"But I like Hidan. You can be crazy with him. He doesn't care who you are, or what you talk about. Even if you're mean to him he's still your friend, I mean shit, he fell for the fucking king of all assholes. Doctor Satan, he used to call him. And that's the fucking thing. I'm not gonna do that shit to him, I'm not gonna even let him  _think_  about having to make some sort of choice..." She stopped, chewing in her lips while her eyes flicked to various locations on the wall in front of her as she though, one hand absently fiddling with one of her many ear piercings.

"You know. He was laying there on that table, all fucking vulnerable and shit. And it wasn't quite then that I realized I like him as more than just a friend. But I  _did_  realize that 'this is fucking scary', and I didn't know how I could continue living my life if I had to witness someone like him die. He's just a person, you know, in the grand scheme of things. And when you really get down to it, he's probably not nearly as special as he feels to me. The universe won't take notice of him, most of the world won't either. But people like me would... People like his fucking boss.  _That_  was when I realized I liked him. I went to take a nap, and when I woke up that old bastard was standing over him, looking at him in that kind of indescribable way. And he reached out and touched his face. And suddenly it clicked in my head, you know. They were pointed to each other... And so as I made this fucking realization that I wanted to be more than friends, I also had to make the simultaneous fucking realization that; he is not now, and never will be, mine. I would never want to do that to him, and I'm not going to."

She took a deep breath, and let it out with a whoosh, tipping her head back and looking to the ceiling while she wrung her hands together in her lap. After a few moments of silence, Itachi started trying to think of something to say. But at the same moment she started again, much softer now.

"But I'm not gonna do that to myself either. That's the kicker. I'm done suffering for the sake of anyone else, I paid my fucking dues... So, What you said earlier, about organizing your thoughts? I don't need to do that. I've already made an 'informed decision'. The only problem is getting myself to  _do_  it... Like I said, I should have just left earlier. The longer I stay here, the harder it is."

Itachi listened for a few more heartbeats, just in case she wasn't finished. When it became apparent that she  _was_  done, he took a very deep, slow breath, the thought flipping through his mind at how incredibly astounded he was at all her deep and intricate thoughts. She was very good at pretending to be a thoughtless, impulsive person, when in secret she held a sort of wisdom that he found incredibly interesting.

Damn, though. This was why he hadn't wanted to delve into this matter. Normally, giving his opinion on anything like this was easy. Being a therapist really wasn't all that hard of a job, you pretty much just sit in a chair, point out observations, and repeat things that the clients had already said back to them. Sometimes it made all the difference in the world just to hear the situation from someone else's mouth.

But this case was different. He was physically and emotionally invested in this situation. Tayuya was not warring within herself about what to do. She knew what she was going to do, what she felt she  _had_  to do. He was not happy with this decision, mainly for the fact that he surmised that the woman was likely going to cut all contact with Hidan, and probably not give any reason as to why. But  _he_  knew why, and he was Hidan's best friend, and if she did this then he was going to have to sit and watch the aftermath of her actions, and clean up the mess.

However, hearing her side of the story, knowing  _why_  she'd come to the conclusion she did... He couldn't seem to come up with any sort of middle ground. It was either; leave, rip the band-aid off quickly, leave a catastrophe in her wake, and then let time heal the wound it left- This option undeniably was the most clean, and though it would likely cause some sort of heartache, at least there were no strings left uncut, it would be a clean wound.

\- The other option being to stay and torture herself until some event brought her feelings out into the open, which would undoubtedly happen eventually, also cause a catastrophe, but leave it lingering there and turning Hidan into the one who had to make the decision. To put the pain and blame and pressure onto him, forcing him into a position that would result in him being 'the bad guy' no matter which direction he turned.

Either way, someone was going to get hurt. He was very sad because of this conclusion for his own devices too. She was actually a very bright and thoughtful person, and intuitive, just as he'd expected of her earlier. He would have been very happy to continue this spontaneous new friendship with her, but of course the fickle lady called Life had brought about this thought far too late. Ironic, really, considering that just a little while ago he'd been wondering why he didn't have more friends.

Well, this was why. All the people worth being friends with were far too intelligent for their own good, in most cases.

"It's these kinds of situations that fucking make or break a person..." She suddenly continued, breaking him from his tormented musings. "And it sucks that I let myself walk right into  _another one._  But I didn't escape the last one not having learned anything, it broke the shit out of me, but you know, it also made me stronger, not trying to fucking quote that stupid saying or anything. But I don't mind being the heartless bitch. I thought it would be hard, but after it happened, I found out it really isn't all that bad. I'd rather him hate me for not caring than hate me for caring too much, if that makes sense..."

"I don't think Hidan is capable of true hatred..." Itachi finally said quietly. He could provide at least that little bit of consolation, as he honestly had no idea what to say to the entire rest of her speech.

"Yeah, I'm pretty much fucking counting on that..."

He tried to give her a reassuring smile, despite feeling like he needed reassuring too. The following week was likely not going to be a fun one, but he had to respect her resolve on the matter.

She sniffed again and wiped her eyes. "This is why I hate fucking talking. Damn. I hate being a girl, ya know? Like we don't put up with enough bullshit. Fucking periods and childbirth and drama. Then we have to go embarrass ourselves by crying all the damn time."

"On the contrary. It takes far more strength to let it out than to hold it all in." He said casually, ignoring the cryptic mentions of childbirth. Surely she wasn't speak out of experience or anything... He stood then and moved to his desk to pluck a pack of tissues from one of his drawers and extend it to her. "Thank you for opening up. I admire that in a person, truly."

She scoffed and rolled her eyes, but took the pack and ripped it open, blowing her nose rather loudly. "So, yeah. I think I should leave now..."

"You're absolutely positive you don't want to tell him goodbye, at the very least?"

"No. He'd want me to explain. And then we'd just fight. He's going to be mad at me either way, but I don't wanna be around to hear the things he says. I know it's kind of bitchy, but that's the whole fucking point."

"Very well. But here are my requirements." He said, smirking when she looked up at him with an 'Oh  _great_...' expression. "You're going to accept my gift of money to assure that you make it home safely. And I know this is not your field, as you and Hidan, again, are so similar, but I require a hug."

She snorted, smiling despite it, and pushed herself from the bed to give him the aforementioned hug.  _Us girls gotta stick together..._  He thought, frantically resisting the laughter this almost made him burst into. "You're a very good friend and a very good person, Tayuya. Damn everyone else's opinion."

"Hah. Yeah, I guess. You are too. Sucks, I always wanted a gay friend like you. Hidan doesn't really count, it's hard to remember he's not totally fucking straight sometimes."

"I'm going to ignore the offense in that statement."

"Good. Take care of the idiot, as if I even have to tell you to. And have that sexy man of yours keep working with him on that guitar. He's gonna be a fucking rock star one of these days."

"And I'm sure he'll remember you as the one who started it all."

They broke from each other, and Tayuya sniffed heavily one more time before moving to the door. The soft sounds of the television crept into the room, and she let out a soft laugh at the song playing.

" _Another turning point, a fork stuck in the rooad. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where tooo make the best of this test and don't ask whyy-yy. It's nota question, but a lesson learned in time. It's something unpredictable but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life.*_ "

She and Itachi exchanged amused glances for a second. "Fucking MTV. I'm starting to understand why Hidan thinks everyone is reading his mind..."

"Strange coincidence, isn't it?" He replied, following her as she started down the hall, pulling out his wallet and extracting a 50 dollar bill. It seemed even the hands of fate was wishing her a farewell. It made his heart sink further, but he forced himself to ignore it.

" _So take the photographs and still-frames in your mind, hang it on a shelf in good health and good time. Tattoos and memories and deee-ead skin on trial. For what it's worth, it was wooo-ooorth all the while! It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right. I hope you had the tiiiiime of your liiiife._ "

She stopped behind the couch, Hidan was miraculously still asleep, not having moved in the slightest from his previous position. After a blushing glance at Itachi she quickly leaned over and pecked him on the forehead.

He smiled at her despite the slight panic that shot through them both when Hidan groaned and swatted at the empty air around his head. He didn't wake up though, and Itachi silently handed her the money, to which she stared at hesitantly for awhile before he raised his eyebrows at her in a vaguely threatening way. She made a face, but took it. Nodded to him, wrung her hands for a few moments, and then whirled around.

" _It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you had the tiii-iime of your life._ "

With one last glance back at the two roommates, and a heavy sigh followed by a swear, she closed the door. Itachi pushed back the sad feeling of loss as he stared at the hunk of wood. Then he turned to look at Hidan, chest growing suffocatingly tight.

Damn. Just when things were starting to go in a favorable direction.

He didn't know what to do with himself now. And he dreaded the moment Hidan woke up and realized that she was gone. He dreaded even moreso the explanation he was going to have to give to Hidan after the woman wouldn't answer his calls or texts or web-chat invites. He didn't know what the bloody hell he was going to say. He desperately did not want to lie to Hidan, honestly he didn't think he had the stomach for that. Perhaps Tayuya was strong enough to withstand his fury, but Itachi was made of lesser things.

He had told her Hidan was not capable of hatred. And he didn't think that the albino would turn too heavily against him when this discovery was made, but if he did, if the unthinkable happened and Hidan really  _could_  hate, if he really did choose to hate Itachi... He didn't think he could handle it. It was just as he told Kisame, he could not stand having another person walk out on him because of his own careless mistakes. Yes, Tayuya had just left, but he didn't have any sort of part in that, except for giving her money. But really, what was he supposed to do? Tie her up and force her to stay?

He bit his lip. No, he could not, and would not, lie. He would do Tayuya's explaining for her, and fight her fight for her. It wasn't that he felt as if he owed her anything, it was strictly for Hidan's, and his own, sake. But still the sense of loss hummed within him. He was sad, very sad. But Hidan would be worse, and Tayuya... Well, he imagined her crying those strong, silent tears as she walked down the sidewalk toward the bus-stop.

" _It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right. I hope you had the tiiii-iiime of your liiife."_


	20. Chapter 20

"What the hell is this?" Hidan said in a rather subdued way, which apparently shocked the elder man who had slapped the paper down on his desk in front of him, as he raised a brow in question.

"Your bill." He said, in that deep gravelly voice of his.

The pigment-less eyes stared at him for a moment, then looked down to the document, then back up to his boss. "Are you serious?"

"I told you you would be receiving a bill, did I not?"

"Well, yeah, but I thought you were fucking with me."

"When have I ever made any sort of joke about money?"

Hidan allowed himself a small smile, which seemed to once again make the old man suspicious. He reached out to scoop up the paper, studied it for a minute, and sighed. "I don't have to pay this all at once do I? Cause that's kind of bullshit. Did you give me a fucking CAT scan and a goddamn transplant or what?"

He was trying very hard to act his normal self, and he knew he was failing, and he knew Kakuzu was noticing. He appreciated it and hated it at the same time. He really didn't want to have to explain to anyone, he just wanted to be left alone.

"No, I saved you time by automatically deducting one hundred dollars from your earnings each week. Which, in case your math is as terrible as your attitude today, makes four hundred a month. You'll have it paid off by October. You're welcome."

"Tch, fuck off old man. My attitude is fucking fine."  _But Thanks..._

"I beg to differ."

"Don't be all bitchy cause I'm not jumping your bones. I don't fucking feel good, is all." As soon as he'd said that little white lie he immediately wished he hadn't. Kakuzu of course started questioning him about not feeling well, asking him about his liver, if he still had nausea or any pain, light-headedness, random aches and pains. Hidan did his begrudging best to answer each and every question without getting annoyed and snapping at the older man. Really, it was fucking nice that the old bastard cared about him, and he felt bad for getting irritated like he was, but damn it all, he just wanted to fucking sulk in peace!

This morning had been blessedly quiet, Itachi had come out as usual at 3 a.m. to make sure he was already awake, which he had been, as he hadn't gone back to sleep after waking up to an empty couch last night. The sound of ceramic dishes hitting the stainless steel of the sink had roused him very slowly from his sleep. It hadn't really completely woken him up, just brought his senses back to focus on reality. And he'd almost dozed back off, until the couch shifted as a weight was lifted off of it, and he'd peeked his eyes open just in time to see Tayuya and Itachi disappearing down the hall, at which point he had stood up, stretched, popped his neck in that violent jerking motion that always made his roommate cringe, and followed after them.

And of course, heard their entire conversation while listening outside the door.

 _Son of a dirty goddamned bitch._  He repeated in his head, over and over again, not letting any other thought present itself so that he wouldn't have the chance to lose control of himself and be thrust into an inconsolable rage.

 _You couldn't fucking let me have this huh? No, oh no, Hidan is already so fucking lucky, he can't have more than one good friend._ The other thoughts came anyway as he walked in a dazed sort of way back out to the living room, plopped on the couch and assumed the same position he'd been in when he woke up.

 _Well this is what you get anyway, you screw up. You knew everything was going too well. Why don't you ever listen?_  Shut up brain, just shut up. This one really wasn't his fault. There's nothing he could have done to prevent it, and even if he had saw some catastrophe coming, how the hell was he supposed to stop it?

 _The one person who understands what it's like to be irreparably broken..._ Stop feeling sorry for yourself you idiot. Of course this would happen. Don't be stupid.

 _But I am stupid._  Yeah. You kind of are. Stupid oblivious Hidan. See what I mean? You can't do anything right.

Shut  _up_  brain!

He didn't want to be mad at her. He heard her story, the explanation, all of it was logical, he could understand. But that didn't stop it from pissing him off. And of course it only pissed him off even more that it made him so goddamned furious. His emotions were so damn tangled about this situation, trying to force himself to get it, to stay calm, to be a rational fucking adult for once in his life instead of freaking out and jumping into some psychotic fit. And then there were the natural emotions, hurt, betrayal, everything all mixing together into one giant pulsating ball of raw frustration.

This wasn't fair, none of it. Most of all the guilt. Why did he do this to himself? This is why he didn't like being sober, he remembered. This damned brain of his. At least when he was high or drunk he could blame his erratic, illogical emotions on something. But right now, what was he supposed to do? Itachi would tell him they're lies, " _They're lies,_  Hidan, don't believe them." But how is he supposed to  _not_  believe them? They don't feel like lies, how can his own head lie to him?

 _This is your fault, this is unquestionably and undeniably your fault despite the fact that there is no way on any plane of reality that that makes sense._  God, what a chore, mental disabilities were...

The thing that bugged him the most, as he pretended to be asleep and Tayuya planted a kiss on his forehead, as his brows furrowed in the unrestrained anger and he somehow managed to cover the action with some sort of sleepy wave of his hand... The part that bothered him most was that she didn't think he could handle the truth. That she could go tell Itachi, Yeah,  _everyone_  can go talk to fucking Itachi, but no one ever had the goddamned balls to just fucking walk up to him and say 'I have a fucking problem here, so here's what's going to happen.'

It was insulting, especially from her of all people. It was so easy, wasn't it? To slap the 'crazy' label on other people, to tell yourself 'they can't handle this because they're broken'. People think they're being some sort of fucking hero, They're doing the right thing, lying to you to make you feel better. At least when he lied he admitted it was for petty, selfish reasons.  _No Hidan, I don't like you, even though I actually am in love with you. I'm going to leave and never talk to you again with no fucking explanation because I don't want to hurt you._  WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?

It hurt. It hurt a fucking lot, even more than Tayuya leaving. Whatever, he was bummed about that, but honestly, he got it. He didn't want any fucking drama with that situation either. He'd noticed she'd been acting wierd, but he'd never thought in a million fucking years it was because she liked him. Here we go again, oblivious fucking Hidan. Immature fucking Hidan. It would have been okay, if she didn't have to sneak around like a conniving fucking bitch, if she had just told him 'I like you, but I don't want to, so I'm leaving.' He would have been okay with that, honestly. Would have still been upset, but at least not insulted.

No one took him seriously, did they? He really was just a fucking stupid kid in an adults body. Just someone to take care of, someone whose words and actions were waved away with a smile and a laugh because he was just some retarded fucking guy with a mental handicap and he just didn't know any better. He could probably piss and shit right there in his own pants and everyone would just look at him like 'Oh the poor thing...' and go back about their business...

"Well, don't be an idiot. Speak up if you start feeling any worse. Has that Uchiha made you return to your prescriptions?" Kakuzu said as the albino man returned to reality.

He blinked up at him, not bothering to try to hide the fact that he hadn't really been listening to his boss, if he'd even been saying anything. Sometimes he just liked to hover like a fucking creep. "Uh.. My meds? Yeah, he's going to get my fucking shrink of the phone and talk it over and I guess he's going to try cutting them all in half and then gradually work me off of them so I don't have some reaction to quitting cold turkey. But they're working on getting me off of them... "  _And they're going to 'keep a close eye on me', because I'm a goddamned man-child that can't take care of myself._  He knew this, he would admit it. He didn't trust himself either, but how was he supposed to with everyone reinforcing it? How was he supposed to learn if no one gave him the chance? Even though they had been. It was no one's fault, he told himself. Not his, not Itachi's, not Tayuya's, they're all just trying to do what they think is right.

He pushed the thought away. Whatever, it didn't matter anyway. No reason to overthink it, it would just make everything worse.  _Play the cards you were dealt, Hidan._   _Hope you find a couple aces._

"Good. Just don't start throwing more of your fits. I won't tolerate them."

"Yeah... Okay..." He said, folding up the paper and shoving it into his pocket.  _Well good, at least someone treats me like an actual fucking person._  "The seven o'clock didn't show. Fucking bitch. I don't get why people can sit there and agree to have their shit scheduled at certain times and then purposely not show up. Like if it's that big of a deal just fucking call and change it." He mumbled on, trying to distract the man from his uncharacteristic mood. He didn't want to talk about it, he just really,  _really_  didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want Kakuzu to change and suddenly start trying to pull that 'I suddenly care about you again' crap. He couldn't handle it if Dr. Satan started trying to be nice to him just because of this stupid fucking brain too. He just wanted things to be normal, if people would just act normal then he could act normal and everything could just be fine and fucking normal.

_Just this once, God, make my friends fuck off._

"People are forgetful. It happens often."

"Well. Pisses me off. Fucking wastes time. If I knew they were going to not fucking be here I could have put someone who'd actually show in their place."

"Since when you you care about wasting time?"

"I don't. It's just fucking annoying. People piss me off."

"Well. Please keep whatever odd mood you're in concealed from the clients. I don't have the energy to deal with complaints today."

He just grunted in response, Kakuzu disappeared through the examination room, and then the phone rang. It was the seven o'clock, saying they were running late.  _No shit you're late, it's almost fucking eight._  He informed them of Kakuzu's obligatory 15 minute rule, and worked them into another slot for next week.

He pushed the phone down, and twisted to look at the door that his employer had left through, glaring.  _Well he didn't try very fucking hard, did he?_  Goddammit, this was ridiculous, now he was mad for Kakuzu  _not_  pressuring him to talk even though that was what he wanted?

_God, fuck you brain. Seriously. Just get the fuck out._

.

"Linkin Park?"

"Never heard of it."

"You've never heard Linkin Park? You're lying. You just don't know who they are. Lem'me play a song for you."

"I'd rather you didn't, I'm trying to work."

"It's just background music. You can't listen to music and work at the same time?" Hidan pressed on, flicking his fingers across the laptop keys. He'd brought it to work with him today for a variety of reasons. The first being, yesterday was a very long and sucky day. Time had a way of dragging on and on and on when your mental state is on the fritz. It was almost like mythological people like father time and mother nature suddenly came into existence just for the mere purpose of making you feel as absolutely low as possible. So narcissistic, depression could make a person. He needed some form of distraction, and since he seemed to be keeping up with his boss, who suddenly wasn't giving him random task after unnecessary random task, he promised himself he'd have to find some sort of means of distraction.

The second being when he went for a fifteen minute break, which he hadn't done since his very first day on the job and Itachi had stopped by. He'd sat at the little round table in the back, rapping his fingertips in succession across the table while sipping on the Styrofoam cup of cheap coffee, looking around at the room, listening to the clock tick on the wall, the sound of Kakuzu shuffling papers at his desk, and decided that this was complete and utter bullshit. It was a wonder that old man could get any sort of work done around here with all this annoying silence!

The third reason he came up with over the lunch hour yesterday, which he actually decided to use the whole hour as a break, seeing as he could actually stand to be around Kakuzu comfortably without acting like a pathetic hormone-ridden teenage girl about to cream her panties every time he was near him. Dear God he was glad that was over, why the hell do chicks  _do_  that annoying shit all the time, seriously?

Unsurprisingly, Kakuzu brought his own lunch from home, some sort of salad or something which the albino was surprised to learn was actually pretty damn good (Because he'd stolen a bite when his boss went to refill his little Styrofoam cup.) He'd wanted to ask if the old bastard had made that himself, but fortunately his brain was being moderately rational today, and he realized that if he did such a thing it would give away that he'd just stolen a bite of the man's food. Despite whatever weird, undefined relationship they had at the moment, Kakuzu most likely wouldn't appreciate that...

_"So..." He said, after taking a large bite out of his hastily made and kind of dry ham and cheese sandwich._

_Kakuzu scowled at him. "For God's sake, don't talk with your mouth full, bloody toddler."_

_Hidan rolled his eyes, and quickly finished chewing his mouthful and swallowed it. "So..." He said again, brows raising in expectation. The doctor looked up at him in question, not saying anything. He continued staring blankly. "Are we just gonna let this giant white elephant chill here with us for the rest of our lives... or what?"_

_Again the doctor cocked a brow._

_Again Hidan rolled his eyes. "Are you serious? Okay, Come on. I'm not going to play your old man games. What's the fucking situation?"_

_Kakuzu calmly took a bite of his salad, chewed thoughtfully, then sighed. "I don't know." Hidan let out an internal sigh of relief at this. Thank God he wasn't going to dodge the fucking question and treat him like a fucking idiot. And if Kakuzu wasn't going to bullshit around, neither was he. They were fucking men, for Fuck's sake, time to start acting like it._

_"Okay, well, I guess_ I'll _lay out the situation. I like you, you like me, but it's a secret. Pretty simple hm?"_

_Kakuzu grunted, not meeting his eyes. Hidan grimaced. "So, when we're in private, like now, we don't have to act like casual co-workers, right?"_

_Kakuzu looked up at him, apprehensive amusement on his features. Hidan was pleased that he wasn't being all emotionless as usual. "If you're asking me to make out with you, the answer is no."_

_The secretary laughed despite himself, and took another bite of his sandwich, talking with his mouth full just to tease him. "'Make out' sounds weird coming from you. But no, I mean we can hang out and maybe actually learn shit about each other?"_

_"What makes you think I have any interest in getting to know you any further?"_

_"Aaahh, I see, you pervy old man. You're just after the goods."_

_"Don't be an idiot."_

_Hidan shrugged, setting his food down, he'd eaten half of it, that's better than nothing. So Dr. Satan couldn't say anything. "You don't have to be scared." He said, suddenly serious. His face fell stern to emphasize this, and he locked eyes with his employer. "I'm not insane. I'll admit I'm kind of weird, but everyone's weird these days... Kakuzu..." He trailed off, unsure really of what he wanted to say or what point he was trying to make here, but he liked the old man. It was plain and simple, and there was no reason to try and insist that he understand the inner workings of his mind. He didn't care so much about Kakuzu's interest in him, but he wanted to know more about the stoic old miser. What made him tick. But most importantly; no more games._

_"What?"_

_"Just treat me like a person... okay? Don't change."_

_The elder man stared at him quizzically._

_"I mean, don't feel like you have to protect me from yourself... or.. whatever. I hate that shit. I'll be straight with you, you be straight with me." No pun intended._

_Kakuzu grunted and returned to his focus on eating. "I don't intend to coddle you like everyone else. I came to that conclusion long ago. It does nothing but feed the fire."_

_"My thoughts exactly." Hidan said, smiling again. Good. Honesty was all he wanted. Even if it was complete shit. He liked the old bastard_ because _he didn't give a fuck, at least that's the only way he could rationalize it. It was something real, and he wanted it to remain that way._

_"I should warn you, I've been called annoying."_

_"I'm well aware." Kakuzu replied without missing a beat. "I've been called an asshole."_

_"But you_ are  _an asshole."_

 _"And you_ are _annoying."_

_"Good. So that's settled."_

_"Yes, can I eat in peace now?"_

_"Nope. I'm annoying, remember?"_

So, the decision to know more about Kakuzu had been made. And how better to figure out the mans thought pattern than through music? No amount of spoken words could ever describe anyone better than their taste in music.

So he'd brought his laptop, and once again they were on their lunch break. Kakuzu had apparently skipped eating today in favor of catching up on some sort of problem he was having with what he understood to be insurance fraud. A new patient had come in for a sonogram, given him a fake name and a card she'd apparently stolen from someone else. Obviously the insurance wouldn't pay for a sonogram, because it turned out the card was a man's, so they had suspected something fishy when his boss had tried to get them to cover a sonogram for a young lady who feared she might be pregnant. The real owner of the card had been contacted, but of course refused to pay. So now there was a bill floating around unpaid that needed to be dealt with.

This had the elder man in a terrible mood, but Hidan persisted anyway, assured that distinguishing his taste in music would somehow inexplicably make the situation better.

"Everybody loves Linkin Park. All their songs are good, haven't found one I don't like."

"Congratulations." Kakuzu grumbled out, his hand supporting his head now as he scanned over the whatever document was before him.

Hidan clicked away on the keys. "It's kind of shitty though because almost all of them are about about shitty situations. But I guess that's what makes them connect so well with people. Negative emotions are always the strongest, seriously. Here, listen to this one, everyone's been at this point once or twice in their life..." He rambled, ignoring Kakuzu's extended sigh of irritation.

With an audible click he started the song.

" _It starts wiiiith oooooone-One thing, I don't know why, It doesn't even matter how hard you try. Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme to explain in due time.- Aaall I knoooow. -Time is a valuable thing, watch it fly by as the pendulum it count down to the end of the day, the clock ticks life away. -It's so unreal.-You didn't look out below. Watch the time fly right out the ' to hold on but I didn't even know, wasted it all just to -Waaatch you gooo."_

"No." Kakuzu said suddenly, And Hidan paused it, scowling at him.

"What? It's not even to the best part, are you listening to the words?"

"Do I strike you as the type of person to enjoy rap?"

Hidan snorted. "It's not rap. Just  _listen._  Listen to the words. I thought you'd appreciate this one, it's about wasting time and energy doing shit that it turns out isn't even worth doing. Wanting something so bad that you do anything it takes to make it happen, but it still doesn't happen." He clicked the play button again before his boss could argue.

_"I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart. What it meant to be will eventually be a memory of a time when... I tried so hard! And Got so Faaar! But in the eeend, it doesn't even maatteerr. I had to faaall, to looose it aaall. And in the eeeend it doesn't even maaaterr~errr."_

"It's nothing but whining." Kakuzu said again, and with a dramatic sigh Hidan stopped the song, chewing on his lip to try and think of another. It was progress, at least. And he could admit that song probably related to him more than the old bastard. After all, Kakuzu  _was_  successful, his dreams obviously had never fallen flat.

So he didn't like 'whiny' music. Well, Kakuzu was an angry guy. Maybe he liked angry music.

"You ever heard of Trapt?"

"No."

"Of course not. I bet you'd like this song, it's called Headstrong, which is what you are."

"'Headstrong' is a synonym to 'stubborn' and 'arrogant', if you think you're complimenting me-"

"Tch, pleaaase Kakuzu, when would I ever compliment you?" He chuckled, working to find the song and making a satisfied noise when he did. "Shut up and listen."

_"Circling your, circling your, circling your head, Contemplating everything you ever said. Now I see the truth, I got'ta doubt.. A different motive in your eyes and now I'm out. See you laaaateeeer. I see your fantasyyyy, you want to make it a reality paved in goooold. See inside, inside of our heads. -yeah- Well now that's oveeerr. I see your motives inside, decisions to hide..."_

Hidan played the air drums and began singing along with the chorus, smirking at the older man when he looked up at him expressionlessly.

_"Back off, I'll take you ooo-oon! Headstrong, to take on anyo-one. I knooow that you are wro-ong! Headstrong, we're headstro-ong. Back off, I'll take you o-on! Headstrong, to take on anyone. I know that you are wrong and thiiiis iiiis noooot where you belooooooong!"_

"Would you shut that infernal noise off!? I'm trying to work."

Hidan clicked his tongue and stopped the music. "It's lunch break, You can set it aside for..." He glanced at the clock. "Half an hour. You're all pissed off anyway, take a breather. The bitch was from out of town, there's no way to track her down. Just admit it dude, you lost the money."

"I will not be bested by a mere  _child_." He growled, scowling down at the paperwork as if the whole thing were it's fault. He scribbled something angrily and picked up the small pile to switch the one on top to the bottom.

"What you need is some music to relax you."

"I don't need any bloody damned music, Hidan. Keep it off."

"Uuuh... Black Eyed Peas? Heard of them? They did 'Where is the love'. Super fucking popular when I was little."

"No."

" You mean 'No, you don't like it' or 'No, you've never heard it'?"

"Both."

"How can you not like a fucking song you've never heard?"

"Because I'm old and wise."

Hidan tried very hard to hold back the snort of laughter that escaped him. Kakuzu looked up from his paperwork with an amused glance for a second before returning to it. That gave him a thought though. He was going about this all wrong. Kakuzu was from a different generation, of course he wasn't going to like Hidan's music, he was going to like his own. Kakuzu was 46, so subtract that from the current year and that made him born around... just before the 70's? Right? So he needed 70's music?

No... wait... he needed to target a younger Kakuzu, but not a  _baby_  Kakuzu, as adorably awkward as that thought would be to pursue. He would have been a teen in the 80's. He could listen to some 80's without dying inside.

"Aaahh, Okay. I figured it out. Here, how bout this one?" Again he smacked the enter key louder than necessary. Survivors 'Eye of the tiger' filtered out from the device on his lap. He crossed his hand and gave the elder man a toothy grin, bobbing his head to the music. Kakuzu only stared at him for an entire minute of the song playing, Hidan kept up his ridiculous act of pretending he was enjoying the shit out of the song. Finally it paid off, and the elder man cracked the smallest of smiles before shaking his head softly and returning to the papers.

"At least this is tolerable." He grumbled.

"Ahah! I have my brilliant moments, see? Just takes me a little bit." Said, throwing his hands in the air victoriously. It was kind of a setback, he didn't really get 80's music, it wasn't so easy to tell what the hell they were talking about most of the time. Not that all of today's music did that... but still...

"Okay, here's an exercise for you. What's a song you like that you wish you didn't like?" Perfect, he really did have his brilliant moments. What better way to get to know someone than learning things they didn't want others to know about them? "For example, I've caught myself singing along to Ke$ha's 'Blow' on the radio before, even though she's a dumb bitch."

"I don't like music. Don't you have work to do?"

"Everyone like's music, Kuzu. Don't be a grump. And it's fucking lunch break, even if I had something to do I'm not legally bound to do it until exactly 1. p.m." He started typing away on the keys for other popular songs of the 80's as he spoke. After scanning through the entries, chewing on his in thought, he found one he liked and clicked it. He looked up to his boss to make the announcement that he'd found a playlist only to see the man staring at him in thoughtful surprise. "...What?"

"What did you just call me?"

"What?"

"You just called me 'Kuzu'."

"Oh yeah. I did." He said, returning to look at the screen and scan the list of songs written in the description below the video. "It's called a nickname, old-timer."

"There's nothing wrong with my name. Don't call me that."

"Don't call you what,  _Kuzu?"_  He said, meeting his gaze again with a smirk.

"If you say it again I will throttle you."

"Tch, you think it's cute and you know it."

"Cute?"

"Yeah. Kuzu, fuckin' adorable."

"I am neither 'cute' nor 'adorable'. Both are insults. May I remind you that I'm your superior when we're in this building? If you call me anything but 'Sir' or 'Doctor' for the rest of the day I will dock your pay for indecent conduct."

"Tch, I'm already getting my pay docked to pay that bullshit bill for you saving my life, even though I didn't ask you to."

"If you have a death wish I can be of assistance."

"Uh huh, then who's ass would you stare at when I'm filing your patients files for you?" He said nonchalantly, looking back up from the computer screen and giving the man an amused smile when he only received a silent glare. "Aaahh, Kuzu, you  _do_  stare at my ass! I was just fucking around with you, but that's good to know. I'm flattered."

"Shut your insolent mouth and get out of my office before I make you stay late scrubbing your blood off the floor."

"Random fact; the sight of blood is deeply arousing for me. And taste, and smell, and feel. Make a note of that for future refer-"

"GET OUT!"

 

* * *

 

"Hey Hida!"

Hidan looked up to the cheery feminine voice calling his name, gritting his teeth as he did so. Ever since his party, random strangers, women especially, have been showing up at the clinic with bullshit excuses to have Dr. Hoku inspect them all for the chance to flirt with the dreamy albino that had serenaded each of them that night. He was getting recognized on the street too, everyone calling him by the nickname -which wasn't even really plausible for the fact that it only shortened his name by one letter- as if they were somehow suddenly best friends. -Then again, sometimes one letter made all the difference. His roommate was the same way, his nickname being a simple 'Tachi instead of Eeeeeeeee'tachi. And just like 'Kuzu', He supposed Hida and 'Tachi were more like pet names than nicknames... Oh dear God... No wonder people always mistook them for a couple...-

He blinked himself from that random train of thought and raised a silver brow, unamused. "Can I help you?"

"I have a three o'clock with Dr. Hoku. You... don't look like you know who I am."

"Mmm Nope. I don't. He'll be up here in just a sec' if you wanna sit down."

"It's Hiruko*! We danced together at your party... remember? You uh, you said you wanted to... do things to my hair..."

He looked up at her in boredom, withholding an irritated sigh in case Kakuzu was being a creeper like he did sometimes so he could catch Hidan doing something that gave him the excuse to yell at him. She did have awesome hair, it was bleached, like, literally. Pure white. You could tell from the skin tone it wasn't natural though, and her eyes were A purple that was obviously fake. They were probably blue with red contacts or something. Fucking poser, who the fuck  _poses_  as an albino? Seriously? People have no shame.

Technically she  _was_  a client... so he had to be nice. What a turn of events, just a few months ago he'd been doing all he could to flirt with every woman that came through the door. Now he just wanted them to spontaneously combust. "I don't remember much of anything from that night."  _Except my boss's tongue down my throat._ "I wasn't exactly in control of my actions. I don't even dance, normally." He said honestly, hoping maybe she'd get the hint that he was wasted off his ass and obviously had no intention of returning her unwanted attention while sober enough to still remember his own name.

She didn't.

"Ooh, but you're so good at it! And you have a killer voice! Pompeii is one of my favorite songs. I gave you my number, but I never heard anything from you..."

"Which one? I had like, ten. Wait, were you the one who signed my ass!? That took fucking forever to scrub off." That was a lie, he had found a few numbers- or what he assumed to be numbers, as most of them had smeared and bled away from the sweat and God even knows what else. There hadn't been one on his ass, that was just a form of mind-fuckery. Tricking her into thinking some other girl had gotten to fondle his bare ass and metaphorically claim it by writing her name on it would either make her ragingly jealous, or make her realize that he was just like every other guy who had nothing but sex on his mind. He wasn't, obviously, but she didn't need to know that.

She blinked, mouth dropping open in speechless surprise. He didn't care though, being an asshole worked for Kakuzu, so why wouldn't it work for him? And it wasn't like he was some man-slut, those dumb bitches had been crawling all over him. He hadn't tried all that hard to fight them off, but he  _was_  a moderately average, egotistical guy, and shit, he was drunk to oblivion. Just check his doctor bills.

The sound of a throat clearing sent his attention past Hiruko, who whirled around as well. Both of their eyes focused in on the Doctor himself standing there with his arms crossed. "Hidan, I believe I warned you about being vulgar in front of my clients."

"Uh... Sorry..." He said, making a face that said he wasn't sorry at all. "Hey boss, This is Hiruko." He piped with a big grin, gesturing at her with a broad wave. "She wants to bang me. She's also your three o'clock."

"HIDAN!"

"What!? 'Bang' isn't a bad word!"

Hiruko was standing absolutely stiff, and the secretary sneered at the back of her head, sensing her mortification.  _Well bitch, Don't come on so strong if you're embarrassed of it._  It was probably unfair for him to attack her like that, but maybe she'd spread the message around town. He was getting tired of his sudden popularity, it was fake anyway. Everyone had avoided him before that stupid party, now for some reason he was the desirable bad-boy with a hard past who was deeper than he seemed just because he could fucking sing worth a shit. Stupid small-town women.

It was unfortunate he couldn't just let it seep out into public that he wasn't exactly into girls, because undoubtedly rumors would start spreading about some made-up love affair he was having with Itachi, who was now infamous for his relationship with the Scarred-up black guy who had also been 'no big deal' before that night but was now also undoubtedly receiving extra attention as well. Fucking society, people were ridiculous.

"I'll deal with you later." Kakuzu growled, ushering the poor, dazed young woman back to the examination room with a death-glare at his employee that remained unbroken until the door shut harder than necessary behind him.

He buried his face into his hands and sighed.  _This is a tricky one, big man..._   _What the hell are you thinking?_

 

 

* * *

 

_WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING!?_

 

This ordeal was only getting worse and worse, dammit. Why? Why Hidan? He'd known the brat was irritating beyond belief, and Kakuzu had thought that he hadn't been holding back any further all those months they struggled against this weird twist of fate. It turns out he was, oh God he was holding back SO much!

At least before he would shut up once in awhile, at least before he still did what the elder man told him to do, at least before he wasn't constantly buzzing around him with that damned smile he always smiled that made it hard to look away.

This was some form of torture, plain and simple. How was he supposed to continue functioning normally when he had to deal with that idiot every five seconds!? What happened to the determined, resolute worker he'd had only the week before? Kakuzu Hoku would give anything to go back to hating the son of a bitch because he was doing a good job. This shit he was dealing with now, it was so much worse, so bloody much worse.

When he had dropped that little moron off at his house, and he'd leaned over and kissed him all the sudden, despite any prying eyes having a perfect view, he'd been shocked, he'd been furious, he'd driven himself home in a rage that the idiot could have the audacity to do that to him right there in front of his friend, even though she hadn't been watching. But it was a diluted sort of anger, and anger that didn't prompt him to do any sort of angry action, and anger that merely made him glare at the clock, and quickly strip off his clothes, shower, and angrily crawl into bed despite the fact that he wasn't really all that tired even though he'd pretty much pulled an all-nighter keeping that idiot alive.

Slowly the anger faded to irritation that changed in it's source. Now he was upset at the fact that he couldn't fall asleep because his chest still was doing that weird thing where it was tight and kind of buzzing. Like it did sometimes when he'd had too much caffeine and his body was trying to get him to do some sort of rigorous activity to burn it off, except kind of different.

Dammit, he wanted to sleep so it would hurry up and be tomorrow and he could try to get on with his normal life. This weekend had been a bloody tragedy... and yet... he wasn't able to finally feel his body relax until he replayed one particular scene over and over in his head. And with one final sigh of content the anger had left and he'd fell into unconsciousness.

That was more or less how this entire week had been going. Every day, every goddamned day that pale moron did something that should piss him off to the point where under any other circumstances he would be shouting and breaking things, and yet every time it was calmed and deluded by the fact that he had to occasionally resist laughter or attacking the little idiots face with his own.

He hated having such a childish thought weigh so constantly on his mind, but he couldn't help but think ; This isn't fair.

The first day back on Monday, he'd actually eaten in the break room instead of in his office, he didn't know why, just for the hell of it. Which was a strange enough thing in itself, as Dr. Hoku rarely ever did anything without reason. Hidan had come back there with a sandwich, sat down, and grinned at him. At that point he'd had an apocalyptic sized war in his head as to whether he should remain here or go to the privacy of his office. He'd come to the decision that day that he would stay there for the fact that he'd already sat down and unwrapped his lunch.

Hidan had been acting all somber and melancholy again that morning, the same as he had been on Friday. Today actually was his real birthday, but the doctor had already succumb to his moronic wishes at the party, and refused to do it again. And it seemed that wasn't the problem anyway, as when he sat down at the table in the break area Hidan seemed unbothered once again, aside from the strange sort of conversation that had taken place.

_"Just treat me like a person... okay? Don't change."_

That question had perplexed him in a way that was irritating because it didn't irritate him. He didn't understand what he meant by it for the first ten milliseconds, then in the next ten he rationalized that those two sentences put together in the same context didn't make sense. If by 'Treat me like a person' he meant stop being such an ass, then why was he telling him not to change? Then it occurred to him that perhaps he'd said the sentences backward. He'd meant to say, 'Don't stop being an asshole. Treat me like you would anyone else.' This one seemed to make sense, and for some reason he was extremely pleased. What, specifically, he was pleased about, he didn't know, but he knew he couldn't stop staring at this strange human being in front of him. He managed to make it look like some sort of questioning stare, so as not to be called a 'creeper' again by his employee, or at least he assumed he'd made the stare look such a way because Hidan went on to explain himself in a way that didn't exactly offer much more explanation at all.

_"I mean, don't feel like you have to protect me from yourself... or.. whatever. I hate that shit. I'll be straight with you, you be straight with me."_

This made him feel as if he'd reached the correct decision in his earlier thoughts, and also made him resist a smile at the irony of the last statement. He didn't understand why he found it funny, because he knew what Hidan meant, and he knew that he probably didn't realize the irony, and had it been anyone else saying something like that, he would not have had even a slight reaction to the humor. But he actually had to fight a chuckle on that one. _Yes Hidan, you and I, two men, let's be 'straight' with each other. Idiot._

Instead he ignored the last bit and responded with the goals he had decided upon that very first night he'd had to spend at the man's apartment.

Monday hadn't been all that bad. it had been rather pleasant, actually. Hidan wasn't childish about whatever this was between them, he was casual and calm, not making any sort of awkward actions or requests; hand-holding or sitting directly next to each other or sexual innuendos. It had been nice,  _had_  being the key word. Kakuzu was more than happy with that reaction, Hidan really did surprise him at every turn, he'd expected him to be like an annoying little gnat who would try to impress all his own musings and ideals and whatnot onto him. But he hadn't, not on Monday.

Tuesday was a whole different matter.

The little twerp brought his stupid laptop to work. Kakuzu had tried to stay in his office today to eat, but in wandered his secretary, plopping down and making himself comfortable in the chair on the other side of his desk. So he hadn't gotten out his lunch and instead pretended to be very busy solving an infuriating case of insurance fraud that had occurred late in the day yesterday. Hidan had not taken the hint. He just sat there and blabbered on and on about music.

Kids these days with their damned music. It was absolutely ridiculous. It's  _just_  music! Get over yourselves! It's not your very soul put into the form of intangible sounds. Music was just like this  _love_  everyone wanted. It was just an emotion, you can't live off of music of love, you can't pay your bills, you can't get the food you need to survive. They were nothing but ridiculous excuses made up by the human mind to try and help give meaning to the meaningless life of the average human being.

He didn't  _hate_  music, but he didn't like it. Of course there were songs he found pleasant or endearing, but they were few and far between. He was too old for that nonsense anyway. And frankly the way Hidan gushed about it repulsed, angered, and interested him, the last one causing one more repulsion and anger. Because it was ridiculous that something he didn't care for somehow magically obtained better quality over the fact that Hidan liked it.

There is is again.  _This isn't fair._

Hidan's annoying behavior didn't stop at the music either. Just as he'd expected, the man started making obscene comments about their... mutual situation. He wasn't about to call it a relationship because so far it had been nothing but that stupid kiss that he wasn't even sure anymore of why the hell he'd wanted it so bad, or enjoyed it so much, or kept thinking about it obsessively to the point where he was beginning to think Hidan's insanity was contagious. God, every time he looked at that face a little too long, the way his thoughts flashed across them when he was focusing, that adorable way he chewed on his lip and his brows crunched together ever-so-slightly when he was putting intense concentration into something. And calling him 'Kuzu'. For the love of Benjamin, why was it so hard to pretend like he despised it? Why  _didn't_  he despise it!? That was horrendous! Abysmal! Someone calling  _him_ ,  _Doctor Kakuzu Hoku_ , something that sounded like a name a newborn would say for the fact that they can't properly pronounce words... It was ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous, both for the fact that the imbecile had the gall to call him that and that he, himself, had the audacity to like the way it sounded coming from his employee's mouth.

Fuck. What was happening? What the hell was he thinking?

And Wednesday, Ooohoho Wednesday... That was the final straw. He didn't care what nonsensical reason Hidan was disregarding his terrible behavior with, he had warned him that very first day that he would be severely punished if the idiot every said one more foul word in front of his clients. Even if it was a new one who likely had only come in just to flirt with His employee. Even if that irritated him, even if it made him smile on the inside to see her shocked, hurt face after Hidan's bold proclamations. When you messed with his clients, you messed with his business, and when you messed with his business, you messed with his money. And no one,  _no one,_ messed with Kakuzu Hoku's money.

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" He growled, slamming a hand onto his secretaries desk and leaning forward to glare down into those pigment-less eyes.

"What!? She was flirting with me! I was just being honest!"

"You were going out of your way to be rude to her, and I heard the woman, she wasn't coming off strong enough for you to justify reacting like that!"

"Pfft, she was laying it on  _pretty thick,_  Kuzu."

"I told you to stop calling me that."

"And I told you it's not a big deal. All I was doing was introducing the poser-albino slut the way she let herself come off as wanting to be introduced; as a slut."

"If announcing that to me was supposed to serve some sort of purpose, it didn't. It did nothing but embarrass each and every individual in the room with it's absurdity."

"You think I was trying to make you jealous? For fuck's sake Kuzu, not  _everything_ I do and say is about you."

"If you call me that again, Hidan... I swear..."

"You need to pull the fucking stick out of your ass old man. There's no one around! Don't be embarrassed-"

"Hidan!" He snarled, grabbing him suddenly by the shirt and hauling him from the seat. Again he had to resist a smile at how wonderfully round and wide those peony-pink eyes became. He pulled him up close to him so that their noses were separated only by a hair-width of space. "I have had  _enough_  of this behavior. I told you I am  _not_  going to coddle you, and I am  _not_  going to let you get away with acting this way. If it is some sort of test, I don't appreciate it, and it is going to stop right now, no alternatives, no highway option. It's  _going..._  to  _stop_."

Hidan's eyes remained wide, and he tried to calm the burning anger that had suddenly flared up within him. It was easy when he was so pleased with himself.  _Thank God, I can still be an asshole._  He'd worried there for awhile if he'd lost his very best talent by losing his ability to be thoroughly pissed at someone, namely Hidan San.

He lowered the albino to the ground, enjoying his slack face and saucer pan eyes. "If you want to go make that girl cry, track her down  _after_  work hours  _away_  from my business. If I find you eliciting that kind of behavior or anything close to it to any of my clients again, you're going to regret the day you ever met me. Do you understand?"

Hidan gave him a jerky nod, widened gaze not breaking from the elder man's narrowed one. He allowed himself to smirk now, a victory smirk, a dominant smirk. He'd scared the shit out of the little brat, he was going to revel in it. He still had it, thank whatever universal force was out there. After months of having to keep his temper, it was still there. He would celebrate if he wasn't currently on the job.

"When is the next client scheduled?"

"Three-thirty." Hidan said back breathlessly, still staring.

"Then you can take a break to collect yourself, you look like an idiot gawking like that."

"Well, you always threatened me but you never actually did anything before..."

"Are you scared?"

"No."

Kakuzu paused in his act of turning around to return to his office, and twisted to stare at Hidan. Did he just say he  _wasn't_  scared? Bullshit. Bullshit he wasn't scared, look at him, still standing there like a deer-in-headlights. He was about to piss himself. Little liar.

"I believe I also told you I don't like being lied to." He growled, turning around.

"I'm not scared." Hidan said again, his nonchalant voice not mixing well at all with the look still plastered across his features, as if predicting some completely unexpected even to occur within the next few seconds. His breaths still came heavily, though not quickly, with his mouth dropped slightly open, and a pink tongue darted out more than once to wet his lips absently.

Kakuzu raised an eyebrow. No, maybe he wasn't scared, that didn't look like scared. That looked closer to shocked, or... expectant.  _What the hell is going on in that damned head, you insufferable brat?_  "Then what the bloody hell are you?"

There were no more words exchanged between them for the next 15 minutes for the fact that the Doctor was taken completely off-guard by the smaller body slamming into him, making him lose his balance and stumble back into the wall (that was thankfully) behind him. Pale arms around his neck, a chest against his, abs against his, weight pressing down and against him, and most importantly a pair of warm, welcoming lips against his. He couldn't even get any sort of coherent thoughts out before his traitorous body was reacting for him. He hunched over, forcing the man into submission, hands instinctively reached down to cup that girly-yet-somehow-still-perfectly-masculine ass roughly. By the time he realized what was happening the taste of Hidan was already covering his tongue and consuming all control of his senses and he realized it was far too late for anything to be done about this.

Dammit.

 

.

 

"Has anyone ever told you you look like a fucking sex god when you're pissed?" Hidan said when he came back in and stood uncomfortably close to Kakuzu, reeking of cigarettes.

"No. But I've never been called 'cute' or 'adorable' either." He replied, resisting the urge to tell him to go spray himself with the air freshener in the bathroom for the fact that he was scared the idiot may reveal some travel-sized cologne in his pocket the way he had randomly produced that hand sanitizer way back when he had that cold. Why he was scared of that, he didn't know. And he pushed the thought from his mind, it was far over-occupied already at the moment.

"I'm just full of surprises eh?"

"Irritating surprises."

"Tch, I warned you, I'm an irritating guy."

He finished wiping the examination table with the sterile wipes, and slipped his gloves off, moving to toss all three items in the trashcan beneath the sink. Hidan was usually the one who took care of the cleaning, but Kakuzu had sent him away with the excuse of taking a break, even going so far as to allow the man to have a cigarette during business hours just to make sure he'd leave him alone for a few minutes when the the next patient had shown up right on time.

Never before had he  _ever,_ in all twenty years of working here, in all of the previous years as an intern, had to deal with the problem of hiding an erection while trying to go about a routine checkup on a 7-year-old. He had done a successful job, the mother's eyes and overly-cheerful demeanor had never revealed that she noticed. And he'd had to lean over the table with his face buried in his palms for a few seconds after she and her boy left to collect himself.

Hidan San was going to be the death of either him, or his business, without a doubt.

The child was in fine health, and the checkup hadn't taken more than ten minutes, which left him with five minutes of peace and quiet to try and understand what had just happened and why he had allowed it to and scolded himself for it as well. Oh yes, what a perfect way to punish the boy! What a wonderful way to enforce a threat, just fuck his mouth with your own.

Christ, he  _was_  losing his mind.

Absently, he'd started cleaning, and continued merely to keep himself from just standing there awkwardly, lost in his own thoughts. He could dismiss his behavior at the party merely for the fact that he'd been drinking alcohol, he could reason with himself that it had influenced his actions, making everything feel much more intense, making it harder for him to control himself. But just a few minutes ago, as soon as those pale fucking lips had pressed into his, it had happened again, without any outside source to blame it on.

He just couldn't stop himself...

_The warm body pressed so close against him, not soft and curvy like a woman, but hard, rigid, with corded muscles but skin just as soft everywhere he touched. Submissive, but not completely, still pushing back hungrily, pressing himself closer, closer than physically possible. Rubbing and grinding against his hips and groin, clinging to him, nails digging into his neck, his back. It hurt, but it felt good, he heard the sounds he made, like a hungry animal, growling and grunting, demanding he get more, as if fighting with Hidan over the man's own body._

_Hidan made the same sounds, no girly moans or mewls, just groaning, a few curses here and there, the occasional hiss of a breath being drawn in hastily. He didn't relent, didn't give Kakuzu what he wanted, fought with him, just as demanding, that Kakuzu should be the one to give in. He continued pinning the older man against the wall, attempting to take some sort of position of dominance without actually being able to pull it off. This was nothing like it had been the first time, a drunken Hidan was submissive, sexy, willing... But a sober Hidan was... irresistible._

_He bit down hard onto Hidan's lower lip. The albino hissed, "Oh fuck... God..." He growled, pushing himself closer. Kakuzu smiled, pulling his shirt up, untucking it from his pants, slipping his hands up his back, and digging his nails in roughly. "Nnnnghh, SHIT!" Hidan snarled, arching against it and pushing their hips even further together, sinking his teeth sharply into the Doctor's shoulder._

_"Random fact; The sight of blood is deeply arousing for me." The boy really was some sort of masochist, he liked being hurt. He liked being threatened, it wasn't scary to him, it was erotic. What a coincidence, because threatening people, making them scared, hurting them, that was enjoyable to Kakuzu._

_The possibilities..._

Hidan had just started worked those annoying damned little fingers at trying to get the elder man to shrug out of his lab coat, and in all honesty he had been about to. But then the bell on the front door had dinged, and they'd parted as if who giant invisible hands had grabbed them and thrown them away from each other.

"Hey!" Hidan said cheerily, stumbling behind his desk. The woman looked up from fussing with her son's shirt. "Oh! Hi, we're the three-thirty!" She replied, not seeming to notice when Hidan smoothed a hand over his gelled hair and cleared his throat and adjusted his shirt.

"Lemme go get him for you." So uncharacteristic, And disappointing. The man had been such a good actor that very first day, but that performance was an abomination. Thankfully the woman was a mother and therefore constantly distracted by her child or whatever thoughts went through a mother's brain constantly. Either that or she was just incredibly unobservant, or didn't care. Either way it was a good thing.

It was at that point Kakuzu told Hidan to go have a cigarette or something and pull himself together. The idiot had agree'd willingly enough, shooting him a smirk before he disappeared down the hallway. Kakuzu adjusted his collar, and then his pants, and put on a  _real_  performance.

"Thank you." Hidan said suddenly, snapping him from his thoughts. He blinked at his employee, once again standing unnecessarily close.

"For what?"

"Being straight with me."

Again he blinked, thinking that what they had just done was nowhere near an action anyone would refer to as 'straight'. Directly following that thought came the memory of their earlier conversation, and he had to resist laughter again, which frustrated him further.

"So it  _was_  a test." He growled.

Hidan chuckled. "No, I wasn't even thinking about it, didn't know it was a fucking option. I don't know, I've been having trouble being in a stable mood recently, but you actually did what you said you'd do. Which is fucking  _great_. 'Tachi would have said something like 'Hidan we need to express your feeeeelings.' I don't need that shit, I don't always need to talk shit out. Sometimes just a punch in the face is all I need."

The elder raised a brow. "Is that what made you think you needed to instigate that... scene?"

The pale man sorted and turned, waving him off. "Nah, I already told you, you're hot when you're pissed to all hell. And don't act like you didn't enjoy it, fucker."

Kakuzu grunted, eyes flicking down to stare at the floor. "The warning still stands. And now I'm going to add this to it; no more of that shit during business hours, or you'll end up missing teeth."

"Ja Führer, wie Sie möchten." Hidan said back, giving him a military-esque salute before moving to leap into his rolling office chair, which rolled a few feet across the floor at the impact.

"Sprechen Englisch, dummkoph." 

His response took Hidan off-guard, apparently, and he allowed himself to give him a superior smile, before stuffing his hands into the pockets of his lab coat and whirling to leave. "Get back to work."

 

.

 

The matter seemed resolved on Thursday. Hidan was back to minding his manners, for the most part, at least. When he was actually on the clock he would revert back to how he had been previously, professional and moderately respectful. he wouldn't speak to Kakuzu unless spoken to or to inform him of something relating to work. However, when he  _wasn't_  on the clock, his personality split completely and he became the annoying little pest he'd been for the last two days. He brought his laptop to work again, and just like previously, continued to try and solve the mystery of what music Kakuzu liked even though he continued to inform him that there was no such mystery, as he didn't like  _any_  music.

Kakuzu had more of less given up trying to get him to stop calling him 'Kuzu' as well. It seemed to more he made clear how much he detested it, the more Hidan did it. Threatening the idiot only made him horny, apparently, and ignoring it neither encouraged nor discouraged it, and so he continued to use it anyway. And seeing as nothing was going to stop him, and that in the sacred privacy of his own mind, he didn't mind it all that much anyway, he'd just given up. It was not surrender, he was not bested by the idiot of the century. It was simply not worth his precious time or energy, so he made a strategic move to ignore it for the time being.

The doctor had also given up trying to find solace in the privacy of his office, after he shut the door behind him yesterday and Hidan had barged in anyway. Again he sat out at the table in the break room, more to keep the idiot from propping his feet up on his desk than anything. And again he'd pulled that ridiculous device out and plopped it on his lap.

At least his choices today weren't all that bad, they were songs he actually recognized, songs he grew up with. Not the screaming, automated, headache-inducing mess that music had become in this day and age. He was grateful at least that he'd made the connection as to the correlation to the generation of music Kakuzu would prefer, since the idiot was absolutely insistent upon this stupid exercise. And another up-side to it was that since Hidan didn't really know the songs, he wasn't constantly flapping his mouth, instead studying the screen earnestly, eyes flicking across it as if reading something while the music played. Kakuzu had never internally, or even externally now that he thought about it, denied liking Hidan's voice, and he actually would be kind of curious to hear how he would sound trying to sing like Fine Young Cannibals. He accidentally made the mistake of imagining it and nearly was unable to hold back a sharp laugh.

Every so often during this increasingly long stretch of time, Hidan's eyes would flick up to his boss, and he would put on that irritatingly tantalizing little smirk each time he managed to catch Kakuzu's gaze. The elder would grimace and find somewhere else to look, wishing desperately that he had decided to eat in his office anyway for the fact that he could pretend to be working on something.

Finally, Michael Sembello's 'Maniac' started playing, and he rolled his eyes and let out a large sigh, angrily crumpling the brown bag he'd brought his food in. Hidan only grinned mischievously at him. "What? You don't like this one!? It's a classic, Kuzu. I thought you of all people would appreciate-"

"I would  _appreciate_ you to knock it off. I told you I don't like music and I'm going to end up wringing your neck if you continue to force that abysmal shit on me."

"I know what you told me Kuzu but if you want me to listen then you have to fucking open your own goddamn saggy old ears!  _I_ told  _you_ , that I know you're lying and I'm going to find that one song that is irresistible for you to not sing along with. Everyone has one."

"I can't listen to you because the only thing I ever hear is your blasted idiocy trying to destroy my brains cells. I'm going to my office and if you try to follow me again I'm going to destroy you. Understand?"

"Your insults are starting to get kind of immature, Kuzu. I think you're trying too hard."

"Get back to work, Hidan."

"Waitwaitwait! One more song. This one conveys my feelings to you, per-her-fectly." The last was said through a few short chuckles. he loudly clicked a button on his computer, and the music began playing.

_"Sugar... Sugar... Oohhh..."_

The doctors eyes widened for a moment before narrowing down to mere slits, Hidan seemed like he was trying desperately to keep his composure.

"Kuzu, this one- heh- this one is  _so you!"_

_"She sits aloooone, waiting for suggestion. He's so nervous, avoiding all the lips are dryyyy, her heart is gently pounding. Don't you just knooow exactly what they're thinking?_

_Iiif you want my bodyyy, aaand you think I'm sexy. Come on, sugar, let me know. If you really need me, juuust reach out and touch me. Come on Honey, tell me so. Tell me so, baby.*"_

After mouthing the words to the song and letting his hands wander all over his upper body seductively ( Kakuzu was assuming he'd been listening to it for awhile to learn it so he could introduce it in this exact way.) Hidan burst into a fit of laughter, clutching at his stomach as he did so.

"I hired a damn child..." He growled, starting to turn away, ignoring Hidan sputtering out near unintelligible phrases in between his gasps; "Do you think I'm s-sexy Kuzu? Bahahahahaha! If you want my body, ju-hahaha, just reach out and touch me-hee-hee-hee!" and "You really have to stop fucking looking at me like that. Your fucking expression is making it so muc-huh-huh-huch worse!" He continued it even after the second verse was over, and then started singing the chorus again, shaking with laughter as he did so, looking the elder man dead in the eyes while he did it.

He stepped through his doorway and was just about to slam the door behind him when he heard a crash, and whirled around to see that Hidan had actually fallen out of his chair and knocked it sideways into the water cooler in his laughter.

He turned around and slammed the door behind him so hard he had to double-check to make sure he hadn't broken anything, which would have just pissed him off more.

He actually liked Rod Stewart... dammit.

 

.

 

"I'm making that our love song, Kuzu." Hidan boldly announced the next day as he plopped down in the chair he moved directly beside the old man.

The Doctor sighed heavily, closing his eyes as he did so to gather himself for the next sixty minutes that were surely going to be hell. "Even though you and that pink-haired girl were fighting about the stupidity of people who deem public songs as their own?"

"Her name is Tayuya, and yes. I'm human, makes me a hypocrite by default." He said, suddenly somber again as he tore the Saran-wrap from his sandwich. He always brought sandwiches, never anything else, Kakuzu noticed, but didn't bother caring about, even though the curiosity still lingered in the back of his mind.

"I don't care to learn her name. Just because you associate with her doesn't mean I have any intention to." He went on. The albinos attitude had changed when he mentioned the girl, and it bothered him. It irritated him that it bothered him, but he was no fool, he wasn't so stupid as to not observe the way the girl acted around Hidan. It had been obvious at the time that she had some sort of crush on him, but Hidan hadn't seemed to return any of those feelings. However, this sudden reaction at the mentioning of her was... irritating. Hidan was an idiot, immature, infuriating, and yet still somehow despite all that he still had this strange desire for him. Just as he'd thought at the party when he'd nearly lost control of himself, he wanted Hidan to be his, and his alone. For the thought that he might have feelings for someone else to present itself... well, he needed to know more.

"Meh, she left anyway. We're not really friends now."

He grunted and took a sip of his tea. "Good, she was more annoying than you."

"Tch. Don't start talking shit. You're too old for that kind of shit."

"I was merely expressing my opinion, you do it constantly. I have every right too."

"Well you didn't even fucking know her. So shut the fuck up."

"It's hard to get to know someone when they don't shut the bloody hell up and every other word is a swear."

Hidan stood up suddenly, glaring at him. Kakuzu stared back, unfazed on the outside but getting angrier and angrier by the second of Hidan's defensive attitude. "She stopped talking to me because she figured out that you and I have a thing. And she didn't want to fucking intrude on it. I don't know if you know this, Kuzu, but it's hard to find decent fucking friends for someone like me. She was one of them." He spoke calmly, despite the fiery rage burning behind his eyes. This was what kept Kakuzu from aggravating the situation on further. he was having one of those rare moments where he was acting mature, and not bursting into a stream of shouting and yelling even though he was clearly pissed. Hidan was extremely desirable at moments like that.

"I'm kind of still pissed off about it..." He said, sitting back down. He stared at his lunch for a few moments before starting to wrap it back up. Kakuzu didn't say anything. "I didn't like her like that or anything, you know. But it would be the same if Itachi just up and decided he didn't want to be my friend anymore. And what's even shittier is she didn't even have the balls to  _tell me._ "

 _'Just don't feel like you have to protect me from yourself... or... whatever...'_  Kakuzu absently took a bite of his own lunch, resisting the urge to tell Hidan he was acting like a damned woman and that he didn't care. Mainly for the fact that he was trying to convince himself that he didn't care, and trying to figure out why, exactly, he did.

"I know I'm kind of a joke, Kakuzu..." Hidan mumbled, still staring at his re-wrapped sandwich. Kakuzu looked over at him for the fact that he'd just called him by his name and not that damn nickname. "I bring it on myself, I know. I'm not stupid. But I'm not going to fucking change myself for other people. I thought she understood that, you know, being through the same shit. And then she goes and does this to me. It's bullshit. I miss talking to her... how gay is that? I hate it, but I can't change it..."

Kakuzu took in and let out a silent beep breath, thinking idly that he preferred the whole music business to this. He was kind of mad at the bitch too, for the fact that she'd brought on this current situation by doing what she did, and also, surprisingly, he was mad at her for doing that to Hidan. He didn't want to be mad, he wanted to be pleased that the annoying little twerp was gone.

"I actually like that song." He said, hating himself for it as soon as it was out. Whatever, he'd take the humiliation of being teased over this introspective, depressed Hidan any day. He didn't like the angry possessiveness that it made him feel. He was fine with thinking Hidan was his, like some possession. But possessions were things, he wasn't supposed to feel the need to care about their thoughts and feelings, which it turned out the moron actually seemed to have, other than anger, of course.

Hidan blinked and twisted to him. "What song, you mean 'Do you think I'm sexy?'"

"I enjoy Rod Stewart. Yes."

And just like that he was back to normal, his signature grin stretched across his face and he laughed, punching his boss lightly on the shoulder. "Fuck yeah! I told you I'd figure it out. Damn, can I call it or what? I'm such a genius that even  _I_  trick myself into thinking I'm not." He stood up and took a few large steps to the coat rack beside the door where His laptop was hanging in his case and returned to plop down in the chair. In a second the machine was out and on the counter and he was typing away on the keys.

"It's fucking ironic because it was two of his songs that I was trying to decide between. I figured the other one was kinda fucking girly so you probably wouldn't like it. But if you like him then I wanna see if you like this song. It's kind of religious and shit too so that helped me decide." He was speaking fast and animated as his fingers clicked away at the keys. Beside him, Kakuzu buried his head in his hands. What the hell had he just done?

"Yeah, this one." Hidan said, and Rod Stewart's 'Forever Young' started playing.

Hidan nodded his head to the beat, smiling up at Kakuzu. "You like it? I think it's fucking funny, cuz' you're fuckin' old. I actually kind of like it, how gay is that?"

Kakuzu squinted at him. "Are you on some new prescription today?"

A silver brow raised in question. "Uh... I don't think so. Why?"

"You're being particularly irritating today." The Doctor replied, pushing from his chair and grabbing his lunch.  _Particularly enticing,_  more like. The answer to that question was yes, yes he did enjoy that song, despite it's religious themes and the fact that Rod was singing to his children, or his lover, whatever, he didn't look into songs the way Hidan did. The fact of the matter here was that yes, it was terribly uncharacteristic for him to like such a song like that, And that little albino worm had somehow played his goddamned mind games and gotten him to haphazardly admit it. Damn, damn, damn.

He tossed his trash into the trashcan and continued down the hall to wash his hands in the examination room sink.

Luckily it was Friday. He had two entire Hidan-free days to enjoy after this long week was finally over. Two days to clear his head and figure out what the hell was to be done about this. The situation had certainly not solved itself the way Kisame had seemed to think it would by Kakuzu just 'making a move.' In fact, it had gotten somewhat worse. Previously, he may have wanted Hidan, but nothing happened. It was a consolation, everything was normal, he knew what to expect, despite not being able to sleep because he couldn't get the brat off his mind. The only problem that had been solved here was his ability to squeeze in at least a few hours of sleep.

The brat still plagued him constantly, and now there was no telling what he could expect from Hidan. It was beyond frustrating. And the idiot wouldn't come to his damn senses no matter how many times Kakuzu informed him that his actions were  _not_  okay and just act like a normal human being. The most important consequence here was the fact that his business was in constant danger. Before he'd had only to worry about what would happen if people found out that they were involved, but with what happened on Wednesday, there was a whole new perspective added to that.

'Finding out' was nothing compared to what would have happened if a patient had actually walked in on that scene. Someone spreading rumors that they were together, gossip was deniable, his status would make people disbelieving, but someone, especially a mother with yer young child, to see them doing that... The damage would be irreversible. And it didn't help that Hidan seemed to have some asinine vendetta against each and every young woman that stepped through the door and attempted to flirt with him. Kakuzu could practically  _feel_  his clinic's popularity dropping.

A solution needed to be found to this, and by a solution, he mean a way to either get it through Hidan's fucking head that he had to stop acting that way while they were working, or find some way to be able to fire him or get him to quit without destroying his business in the process.

He was extremely disappointed in himself at the little pin needle of pain that shocked through him when he thought of not having Hidan around. Damn, this situation was terrible. What the hell was happening to him, what the hell was he thinking?

It had to be contagious. He really  _was_  going insane. It's the only explanation.


	21. Chapter 21

"I'm going to Kisa's, Hidan. Are you sure you're alright?" Itachi said, sleeping into a thin waist-coat. Hidan eyes him with a raised brow, wondering why the hell he was wearing that when it was nearly 80 degrees outside. A quick glance out the window answered his questions though, or, the looming clouds heavy and dark with rain answered.

"I'm not a goddamn kid, 'Tachi. Just go get yourself good and screwed."

"Hidan..." Itachi drawled, leaning over the back of the couch. His warning-filled tone and crestfallen expression didn't match however, as Hidan craned his head to look at him. They stared at each other for a few moments in silence, a light rumble of thunder echoed from outside.

"I'm good. It's gonna rain, so I'm good. Get the fuck out already." He waved a hand in the Uchiha's face, who only blinked, refusing to move or tear his eyes away despite Hidan's flicking back to the T.V., staring but not really watching.

Rainy days were an enigma to the pale zealot, in a good way. Normally, it was just rain, the shift in the atmosphere sometimes gave him a fucking headache, storms were just storms, though he loved to watch the thunder and hear the wind. This rain was different, he could already tell. This was one of those tricky rains, that somehow inexplicably got into his head and affected his mood.

It's the soft rains, the quiet rains, that did it. More than a drizzle, less than a shower. Calm, melancholy, gray... Itachi didn't like the way it made him act, calm and melancholy like that, but It was a peaceful time for the albino. As if everything were frozen in this dreary little world even though it wasn't. The sky reminded him of his head, cloudy and hazed. Every so often the sunlight would break through just for one everlasting second, but in the next it was gone, with nothing remaining to show that it had ever been there at all.

It was depressing, but a serene kind of depressing. Sad, but a happy kind of sad. It was a state where, if he closed his eyes, and held his breath, he couldn't tell if he was even alive. He didn't have to be where he was, he wasn't living the life he lived, he was nothing more than a soul with a physical form. Why that was comforting, he didn't know, but it was. Call it a cleansing, Hidan occasionally did. Days like that was like a gentle reminder that the past will forever be in the past, and there is a future to attend to. But this is a present, and you didn't always have to focus on one or the other. You're just there, a speck on the timeline.

He wanted to rain to come, he wanted a gentle, calm rain. More than a drizzle, less than a shower. He needed it, he thought. Everyone needed it, everyone needed to acknowledge it too, God's way of laying a hand on their shoulder. Telling them that being sad or upset is not always a bad thing, even if it hurts. Melancholy, content, introspective sadness, that's what everyone needed. To get away from all the bullshit they're dealing with and just go sit in the damn rain and be sadly happy.

"Hidan... It's been a week, you haven't even asked about Tayuya..." Itachi finally said, just barely above a murmur.

"I know what happened with Tayuya." He replied evenly, not allowing himself to feel anything other than that expectant peace from the oncoming weather. At least the subject was finally getting brought up, now it could be put behind them, and Itachi could stop being so annoyingly eager to submit to the albino's every whim for fear of bringing on some postponed episode. "I woke up and heard you guys talking. I pretended to still be asleep because I didn't want a big fucking scene."

Itachi's eyes were widened, but he didn't look all that surprised. He blinked a couple times, finally tearing those coal-esque eyes away from Hidan, allowing him to turn his head and regard his roommate. "She's probably wondering why the fuck I haven't even tried to talk to her and making up all kinds of excuses in her head. But I consider it payback. She didn't explain shit to me, I won't explain shit to her. Life goes on."

"Hidan..."

"Save it. I'm fine, I told you. Shit happens, you either deal with it or you don't. I don't fucking blame you or her. I just wish people would stop treating me like a fucking fragile piece of fucking pottery." He paused to force a smile for his best and now only friend. It probably looked as forced as it felt, but the soft smile Itachi gave him assured him that he appreciated it all the same. "You've been dealing with my shit for fucking forever. Go to Shark-dicks, get your brains fucked out, and fucking relax for once."

The Uchiha's nose crinkled in his girly version of a grimace. "Why are you so keen to make sure we have sex?"

Hidan gave him an incredulous look. "Probably because, unlike you, I am a man in a man's body with a man's mind and a man's nutsack between my fucking legs. Sex equals life, 'Tachi. Be a man."

The raven-haired man's face tinted as he straightened himself out and adjusted his shirt. "I'm a man..."

"Uh huh. And Diet Soda is healthier than regular."

"...Hidan, it  _is_  healthier-"

"Depends on who you ask." He interrupted, with a grin. Itachi stared for a moment, confused, before he blinked himself into understanding and then rolled his eyes. The albino forced out a small chuckle and waved him away. "Hurry up and go tap that and fucking leave me alone for once."

"Are you just going to sit there and watch T.V. all day?"

"I'll probably play guitar. Maybe go for a walk."

"In the rain?"

"In the rain."

Itachi sighed heavily behind him, and the sound of keys jingling in his hands came shortly after. "All right. Just don't get yourself sick."

"It's fucking 80 outside, mommy. If you don't get the hell out right now I'm going to throw you out."

Itachi laughed, and the door opened and then closed again after a moment, leaving Hidan finally alone in silence. A small bout of thunder rumbled again outside, making him twist away from the television show he wasn't even paying attention to anyway to look outside. It hadn't started raining yet, but the air was heavy with humidity, and it definitely smelled like rain. All the windows of the apartment had awnings over them, which was a perk, as Itachi allowed him to open each and every one when it rained, as long as the wind wouldn't blow it in onto the carpet.

Itachi would end up spending the night over at his man-friends, though he hadn't specified it. And honestly Hidan hoped he did. Really, from all the bullshit that happened to the poor guy, planning and bringing that party to fruition, Hidan almost dying, public reveal of he and Shark-dick's relationship and all the shit he was probably dealing with related to that, and then Tayuya confiding in him before leaving... Hidan still wanted to be mad, but Itachi was the only person to be mad at, and honestly he just couldn't do it. It wasn't worth the effort. He was still just as hurt as he was angry, and the hurt made it hard to have the energy to be mad. The poor Uchiha had enough shit to deal with, He still needed to stay here and mooch off the guy, but he could at least not make situations worse than they had to be.

And besides, he had other things to distract himself with. The first being that it was the weekend and somehow he found himself upset with that fact. First off, he was bored out of his mind, and it was only ten a.m.! The second being, there was no Kakuzu here.

Wednesday had been a good and bad day alike. He was glad the old man had done what he did, for a few defining reasons. It reinforced the fact that he wasn't going to hold back for fear of mentally damaging his employee. And that made his chest kind of hurt and his groin burn. And the fact that he had the ability to be so aggressive... Oh God... He had picked Hidan up off the ground and held him there. Anyone else would be terrified at that kind of strength in a 46 year old man, Hidan couldn't stop thinking about it, of all the possibilities.

Itachi asked him why he was so focused on him having sex, well, it was fucked up, but that's just the way his mind worked. If Itachi had the fucking chance then he better goddamn well take it, or Hidan would be seriously pissed at him even though he literally had no influence or involvement in the matter. The zealot didn't think he could get it just yet, and the torture of that thought was about to drive him crazy, which was why he was glad it was going to rain. A cleansing, that was what he needed, peace, serenity, a way to escape from this obsession.

He had two whole days,  _two fucking excruciatingly long fucking days_  that he had to go without seeing his boss. It was a blessing and a curse, one one hand maybe it would help him distract himself, on the other he couldn't seem to do that, and so all it was was pure hell.

He couldn't help the way he kept acting at work, he couldn't focus anymore. He knew he was pissing Kakuzu off with his behavior, but he had no other choice. It was either be fucking immature and ornery as hell, or stalk the man like one of those 'predatory gays' until he could force himself on the old bastard. That was creepy, and he knew it wouldn't do anything but piss Kakuzu off and probably push him away and make him even less interested in the idea. It was easy to tell the man liked power, he liked being the one in control of the situation, he liked dominating and ordering. But Hidan had this sneaking suspicion that he liked being challenged, otherwise, why would he be into the secretary? Why would he respond the way he did when Hidan manned up and kissed him on Wednesday?

It was confusing, and yet not confusing. Confusing for the fact that Hidan had this information he was almost positive was correct, but didn't know how to go about using it without fucking everything up. Confusing because he couldn't seem to get through the day without trying to molest the old man without acting like a fucking first-grader whenever he was around him, teasing him and being an idiot to cover his humiliation at these extreme desires. It wasn't doing anything but making Kakuzu second-guess his affections. He'd seen the way he looked at him when he almost lost it on Thursday, when Tayuya had somehow come into the conversation and he'd been so pissed he wanted to slug the old bastard. But he hadn't, he'd held it in, and forced himself to remain calm, and he  _saw_  those amazing, crazy eyes flick over with that wanting look.

"Relationships are fucking hard..." He said out loud to the window screen. He hadn't even realized he'd moved in his musings, he was now standing on his knees on 'Itachi's' couch, arms folded on the window sill with his chin resting on them, staring out into the dreary morning. It still wasn't raining... why the fuck wasn't it raining yet? It obviously wanted to, just look at that sky, listen to the thunder.

God, that was how he felt.  _Fuck you, mother nature._  Wanting something so bad, restraining yourself because the time just wasn't right. Frustration, confusion, desperation.

Did the universe actually revolve around him or was it really that much of a coincidence?

 _That's dangerous thinking, Hida._  Yeah, it was. But really, this was ridiculous.

"Fuck it..." He said aloud, pushing himself up off the couch. He wasn't going to stay in this apartment and just  _watch_  the rain. He wanted to be in it, a part of it, he wanted it to help distract and calm him whenever it did come. Luckily enough, Itachi had brought home a cheap fabric guitar case for him. Apparently Kisame had dug through his closets or something and found it and given it to Itachi to give to Hidan as a late B-day present and also to help keep him from recklessly destroying Itachi's present.

 _He's a good guy..._  Hidan thought to himself, as he shoved his guitar in the case and slung it over his shoulder, moving to shut all the windows he'd opened in the apartment.  _Itachi deserves that._  Someone he didn't have to look after. On the contrary, someone who could look after the Uchiha himself. The guy had family issues, emotional issues, as put together as he seemed. Hidan was no idiot, he could be pretty fucking empathetic when he wanted to. To be disowned by your family for something you can't change, for being who you were. That's fucked up, and he can understand how it might trick a person into thinking that there's something wrong with them and that they'll never find someone to love them.

Hidan wasn't a big believer in  _love_ , that stuck him as girly, romantic bullshit. But he didn't completely disbelieve it either. There's the love between families, that's obviously real. But not all families had that undying emotion, like Itachi's. And if flesh and blood could harbor enough hate for one another over something so stupid, surely two strangers could harbor enough affection to replace it over nothing more than 'chemistry', as Itachi called it.

Damn, this weather was providing all kinds of speculative conditions.

He slammed the last window shut and made sure to snatch up his pathetic little key-ring and insert it into this jeans pocket before he walked out the door, locking it behind him. Rain or no rain, with his mind working the way it was, surely he'd find some killer motivation for a few songs. Shit, maybe he could earn a few bucks playing at the park, even though it was likely the only other people who would be out in weather like this were other broke idiots like himself. It wasn't about the money anyway...

 

 

* * *

 

 

What the hell was he doing?

What the hell was he thinking?

Why didn't anything make sense anymore, despite the fact that it felt as if it did until he really stopped to think about it.

It was going to start raining any second now and here he is in his car driving around with the windows down for no damn reason. Originally it had started as a run to the store to pick up groceries and to deliver his bill payments into all the drop-boxes outside the companies. Weekends were the only time he had to pay bills, considering the hours he kept during weekdays. And unfortunately most businesses were also closed on the weekends, which meant he had to pay his bills a week in advance to make sure they would get there on time and he would not be charged any extra.

They had this nonsense now where they would just take the money out of your bank account for you each month so you didn't have to worry about it, but honestly, Kakuzu had never heard of a more ridiculous idea. Who in their right mind would give out their bank account information and just trust that they wouldn't suddenly be robbed of all they had? Kids these days really were getting stupider with each generation. And there was no more perfect example than his employee.

Damn that Hidan. Always Hidan. He couldn't have one single train of thought that didn't end up leading to the thought of him. It was infuriating, Here it was, a Saturday morning ripe with the promise of not having to interact with that idiot for two whole days, and yet that's all he could think about, that all he wanted to do, is think about him, even though he didn't. He  _had_  to find something to distract him. He couldn't just stay at home, and he'd be damned if he was going to make such a mistake as calling up Kisame again. Last weekend he'd had more than enough of alcohol and unbridled emotions that resulted from that devil's drink. He wanted a distraction, but not that.

It was ironic, too, that things still hadn't even changed all that much despite that first big hump finally being crossed. Why he expected things to suddenly be drastically different, he didn't know. Then again he supposed it could contribute to the fact that he wasn't really  _doing_  anything differently. Everything was still exactly the same now, Still did the same work, still had an annoying pest of an employee, still had nothing better to do with himself when he wasn't working aside from errands, working out, keeping the house tidy... boring old person stuff...

He growled at himself, slapping the blinker. It looked like it was going to rain, but it was plenty warm outside, humid and almost cozy-feeling, aside from the moderate stickiness it left on your clothes against your skin.

He didn't want to go back to his house, not at the moment. He made a vow to himself that whenever the weather stopped being fickle and finally started it's downpour, he would go home, even if he had just gotten out of the car. Right now he was going to get himself a coffee from that new place downtown. He didn't like coffee houses, normally. These newfangled places claimed to sell coffee when in reality all they had were mocha latte's or cappuccino's or whatever the hell they called all that ridiculous shit. But go in there and ask just for a plain coffee with 2 cream and sugar and it's as if you're asking them to strip naked and do the mac arena.

But, at this point he was out of ideas, coffee sounded good, and he had nothing better to do.

Of course, as luck would have it, he recognized a white Cadillac parked just in front of him on the street in front of the building as he pulled up. Right, it was Saturday, Kisame had mentioned something about having some ridiculous 'date-night' with the Uchiha boy, that they were going to visit the new coffee shop in town. That was probably why the idea had popped into his distracted head...

He considered for a moment, as he sat there with the car idling, if he should just leave right now and go back home. After all, he had plenty of coffee at home that wouldn't cost anything and likely would taste better than anything the idiotic high school dropouts that worked here could make. In the end he retrieved his key and got out of the car, not really having any sort of reason for deciding to go ahead with the plan other than the fact that he wouldn't allow Kisame and that runt of a boyfriend to force him to return to an empty house where he could sit and hate himself while that blasted employee of his invaded his mind over and over. And it occurred to him that he'd never had the chance to thoroughly harangue the two for getting Hidan into that mess after the party.

It wasn't exactly a good way to escape the haunting nightmare that was Hidan, but it would be at least a small vent for frustration. After all, he  _was_  still upset about it, even if it hadn't been all that serious.

 

 

He smoothed his hair back after he pushed through the little door that set off the bell noise, trying to get a good look at the place. Good God, kids these days and their decor. What the hell was this supposed to be?

Blood-red walls, black trim, vinyl records and decorative crucifix, sports memorabilia, posters of all kinds of random assortments all hanging on the walls. It was like some wanna-be teenager had pulled a bunch of shit from his high school days from the attic and slapped it on the wall..

"Doctor Hoku!" That femininely man's voice said, pulling his incredulous stare from the decor to the shorter man sauntering toward him with a tray consisting off two drinks. He raised a brow, why would he get a tray for two cups of coffee? Good Lord, was he such a woman that they were too hot, even wrapped in those cardboard cozies?

"Mister Uchiha." He said, nodding and finally stepping further into the ridiculously decorated establishment.

"I'm surprised to see you here. How are you?" He said, with that all too friendly smile, as if they were dear friends. That did take him slightly off guard though, did he look as if there were anything to suggest he wasn't his normal self?

"Better now that I've escaped the presence of that annoying roommate of yours." He mentally kicked himself. Oh yes, good one Kakuzu, standing here trying to escape that brat and you go and bring him up. Honestly though, what else did he and this boy have in common.

"Oh? Has he not been minding his manners?"

"That's an understatement."

Itachi sighed and rolled his eyes. "I apologize, Doctor. We've been trying to wean him from his medications after that catastrophe and he had a falling out with Tayuya last Sunday. He's been a bit stressed. I know that's no excuse but-"

"I'm aware of all that's been going on. I don't believe it has anything to do with that. He suddenly seems to think he has certain liberties now that he didn't have before..." He trailed off, side-stepping the Uchiha to place himself in line.

The smirk that fell across the younger man's features irritated him. "Ah. I see. Well..." He drawled, then gave a small laugh. "I don't know how to respond to that."

"Then don't." He growled, half-glaring. "Kisame mentioned to me earlier in the week that there was a new establishment in town, I wanted to see if it was just as asinine as all the other failed coffee-houses before it. I can't say I'm impressed." He glanced around at the unusual decor once again.

"It certainly looks a bit uncoordinated doesn't it?" Itachi replied, doing the same. "Kisame and I are over at that table in the west corner, would you like to join us for a bit?" His hopeful expression kept the immediate 'No' from bursting out the elder man's mouth. Instead he studied him, suddenly not feeling as if he had the energy or patience to grill the two about last weekends events. Kakuzu Hoku was not a social person, it was already strange enough that he was suscepting himself to this ridiculous place just to get out of the house, he didn't want to sit and have some sort of awkward conversation that would undoubtedly arise relating to he and Hidan's situation.

The younger man seemed to sense his apprehension. "I won't keep you long, Doctor. I'm just not so keen to discuss last weekends events so close to prying ears. I only wanted to apologize and thank you properly for your help."

He glanced at the empty table far across the large room that Itachi had suggested. There was no one sitting anywhere near there, and despite really not wanting to, he honestly had nothing better to do. And if the Uchiha was going to be praising him, well, why the hell not?

"Fine." He mostly grunted, which made the younger beam.

"Wonderful! Kisame's in the bathroom cleaning himself off, he should be out in a bit."

The Doctor raised a brow again, and seeing it, Itachi cleared his throat and glanced nervously around before dropping his gaze to the tiled floor. "A patron of the coffee-shop was not a fan of our... relationship... They expressed their displeasure by dumping their beverage in his lap..."

Kakuzu blinked, the shock of that statement lasting for only a second before converting to seething anger. It was a small town, yes. Most people didn't approve of things like that, but anyone with a brain could take one look at the Uchiha and know his sexual orientation without the slightest doubt. And from what Kisame has told him in one of his unbearable, blabbering tangents, Itachi had grown up in this town. He'd been here all his life aside from the few years in which he left for college. One would think that people would have grown more accepting.

And the fact that Kisame had been the victim here... that Hoshigaki was a big man, many people were threatened by him. If someone had the gall to dump steaming-hot coffee on him... Well, it was just unacceptable. And it helped dissipate his hesitation, If Kisame had not chased that little shit down and beat the hell out of him, he was going to be severely disappointed.

"I see. I'll join you two in a moment." He said with a dismissive tone. Itachi gave him a slightly forced smiled and nodded, turning to go seat himself. Kakuzu stepped up to the counter just as his long-time friend emerged from a hallway, sporting a large wet stain on the front of his acid-washed jeans. He felt his eyes narrow as the anger increased, especially as he noted the expression Kisame wore.

He was smiling, as if nothing in the world were bothering him despite that dark spot that made it look very much as if he'd just pissed himself. This bothered Kakuzu more than if he would have been scowling and stomping around. He knew Kisame was closer to a gentle giant than any sort of brute, despite his scars and build. But the man could also fend damn well for himself, he had no problem expressing his opinions when he disagree'd strongly with them, and the man had the capability to get just as infuriated as Kakuzu, himself, could. He'd watched the man in his younger days take on  _three_  men  _by himself_ after they tried to jump the both of them back in their collage town.

The fact that someone had done something like that to him and there he was plopping down next to that Uchiha boy wearing that goofy damn grin was almost haunting the the elder man.

"Sir?" The barista said, snapping his attention back to her.

"Plain coffee, two cream, two sugar."

 

.

 

"Four dollars for a damn 20 ounce. Highway robbery..." He muttered as he pulled out a chair and sat in it.

"Kakuzu, old friend! What a surprise! What're you doing here?" Kisame laughed, clapping him on the shoulder.

"Well I came to get a coffee, it seems all I paid for was a cup of shit." He growled after taking a sip.

Itachi's eyebrows shot up, but he remained silent. Kisame chuckled. "You sound like you're in a bad mood, my friend."

"I am." He replied roughly, setting his cup down hard and propping his elbows on the table. "Mister Uchiha here informs me that you were victim to a hate crime. And yet here you are acting your usual self."

The scarred man blinked. "Uh.. yeah. That's why you're in a bad mood?"

"I'm irritated that it happened, yes."

"Awwe, Kakuzu! I appreciate it, but it's been taken care of."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I chased the bastard down and scared the shit out of him."

"It was entirely inappropriate.." Itachi commented, rolling his own beverage back and forth in his hands. "I wish you wouldn't have stooped to his level. He's nothing but an ignorant neanderthal."

"I told you babe, I know how guys like that work. You can't let them get away with it or they'll just do it again."

"I agree." Kakuzu growled, his anger fading now that he knew Kisame had not just stood by and allowed such a thing to happen, though he did find it annoying that the Uchiha disapproved. "I would think from your experience, Mister Uchiha, you would have learned that nothing will get done if nothing gets done."

"Yes but it's such a brutish way to handle things. Why must society always resort to violence or public humiliation. No one can just sit down and solve a problem with words."

"If they were willing to listen or care for your opinion they would not be committing the crime in the first place." Kakuzu growled. Hidan was right, this man was a damn princess. Hardly a man at all.

"I suppose that's true. It's just a shame..."

"People like that are always gonna be around, Angel. It's not like I didn't expect to get a little hate-mail. " Kisame paused to take a sip of his coffee. "Can we talk about something else? How's the kid doing at work, Kakuzu? Itachi says he's not so sure he's handling the decreased medication so well."

Kakuzu's brows dropped in anger.

"That's not what I said, Kisame. " Itachi chided. "I meant that I've been having trouble reading him lately, and it leads me to believe he's having a hard time stabilizing his emotions."

The eldest of the trip grit his teeth.  _"Just treat me like a person... okay?"_  They were sitting here discussing Hidan as if he were some science experiment. That girl had left without telling him why because she didn't think he could handle it. Itachi and his therapist were making decisions about his medications without taking his opinions into account, Hidan had said they were 'weaning' him, as if he was incapable of making the decision himself.

"Doctor Hoku said he's been acting out at work. I'm worried about him. He acts as if he's fine when he's home, but it's obvious he's not himself. He has something on his mind..."

 _No shit._  Kakuzu thought to himself. His life is being governed by everyone else, Since that party people aren't even treating him like a human being. Even the girls that kept coming in to flirt with him. Suddenly he understood why he acted the way he did around them, why he felt the need to embarrass that client in front of Kakuzu like that. Those girls saw him as nothing more than a piece of meat. Itachi tended to him like a child. Of course he had something on his mind.

 _Me._  He thought with sudden clarity.  _I'm on his mind._  He'd been trying so desperately in his own ridiculous way to find some sort of connection with Kakuzu. Acting out on purpose, perhaps, to see if he would still be treated the same. The way he'd acted when Kakuzu had brought the hammer down on him, he hadn't been scared by it, he'd been appreciative.

 

Well damn.

 

"Well he kind of had a lot of shit happen to him last weekend. I mean you saw him at the party, he had the time of his life, then suddenly he has to be hospitalized and that chick decides she doesn't want to be his friend anymore." Kisame said casually, shrugging. "I thought she was pretty cool. People like that who aren't afraid to say what's on their mind usually turn out to be pretty damn good friends." His eyes met Kakuzu's as he smiled.

"I feel awful about that. Did I tell you that he knew this whole time?" Itachi said, looking to his boyfriend in concern. "Turns out he woke up and heard our entire conversation. I should have just told him the first chance I had... He must be disgusted with me."

"Bah, the kid's usually pretty honest, Angel. If he were mad at you he would have made it clear by now."

"No, I know he's not mad. He's hurt. I would be too. Tayuya didn't even know me, yet she confided in me instead of him. I even gave her money to help her get back home. He probably heard that much too."

"Well, hey now. You've been under plenty of stress too. First of all that last minute party was fuckin' awesome." Kisame laughed, then nudged Kakuzu's elbow with his own. "Even this guy had a good time, and that's saying something."

"Speaking of which, Doctor, I can't apologize enough for putting you in that situation... I can't believe I was so stupid to-"

"I understand." Kakuzu interrupted, making the other two look at him in surprise. He did though, all the sudden. It was a tricky situation, Itachi had loosened his reigns, let Hidan make his own decisions, tried to treat him like a person and give him a party and let him have a good time. And look what had come of it. Of course he would be trying to make up for it by watching him carefully now... trying to protect him from stressful situations that might bring about another meltdown...

As if somehow reading his mind, The youngest of the three gave him a soft smile and took a sip of his beverage. "He teases me by calling me his mother all the time. Sometimes I can't help but feel as if I am though. He came to me seeking help, I feel responsible for him. It's exhausting sometimes, I don't know what to do anymore. It seems every one of my good intentions has nothing but a catastrophic reaction."

Kisame sighed deeply, looking slightly annoyed. Kakuzu eyed him. He shrugged. And the doctor couldn't help but think that Hidan was often the topics of most of these two's conversations.

"But, you've had a profound effect on him, Doctor." Itachi continued, apparently snapping himself out of the depressive mood that had threatened to overcome him just a second earlier. "He's been eating better, sleeping more often. He was completely absorbed in learning guitar for the longest time, though I haven't seen him do much with it since Tayuya left. His dept is slowly but surely being paid off, The first two Behavioral health hospitals he was admitted to have been completely repaid. He's told me he doesn't smoke at work anymore, and he hasn't had any of his fits in months, he's doing so well. I just don't want him to be set back all because of one bad weekend."

"He's doing fine at work." Kakuzu said suddenly, not exactly sure why except for the fact that he wanted to stop talking about this. He didn't want to hear the Uchiha's boys 'poor me' rants any longer, and he knew Kisame was more than uninterested in this conversation.

"But you said-"

"Yes. He's been more annoying lately. But as for his actual work ethic, he's still doing just fine. In fact I've had more patients than usual, these young girls schedule appointments just to come flirt with him."

"Oh God... the  _girls..."_  Kisame said, rubbing his eyes. "God, I'm glad I'm not the only one. All the men in this town hate my guts and the girls want to get in my pants! What the hell is wrong with kids these days!?"

"I find myself wondering the same thing daily." Kakuzu said, eyeing Itachi, who suddenly looked very irritated.

"Don't look at me, I've cut all connections with my own generation. I don't understand them either. Everything is about sex and drugs and instant gratification with wild abandonment for consequence." He paused to clear his throat. "I can't tell you how many teenagers have called me  _while I'm working_  so see if I could plan a party for them... All of them underage, I guarantee it."

This conversation was surprisingly pleasing to Kakuzu. Suddenly he didn't feel so much older than the two men at the table in front of him. there was a saying that went something like 'You're only as old as you feel.' But he'd always found that ridiculous. Nothing could change the fact that he was 46.

 _"It's all about perception..._ " Hidan's voice suddenly invaded in his mind. And with that came brief flashbacks of the dream he'd all but forgotten about having. Hidan on the edge of a cliff, the salty wind blowing through his tousled hair, the ground crumbling beneath him, the waves crashing against the rock far below, waiting for the moment when he would fall and they could swallow him whole.

 _"What do you think it takes to live forever? There's no such thing as special. I want it, but only because I have no choice but to accept it. I only know what I_ don't _want, and that doesn't help at all. Are you good for me Kakuzu? So you can come with me?"_

It didn't make sense, none of it made much logical sense, but that didn't stop it from making his chest grow tight. He remembered his train of thought afterward, as he'd stood there over an unconscious Hidan.

He had told Hidan that he wasn't good for him, though he'd wanted to say yes. He'd told the man in his sleep that he was not good for Kakuzu either. And everything that kills us, helps us live, as the saying goes.

So what did it take to live forever?

Kakuzu had told himself then that he did not want to be a drug to Hidan. He didn't want to hurt him in order to reassure him he was alive. That was what the little idiot thrived on, his mental illnesses fed off of it. He didn't exist on happiness, because it was all sucked away, Hidan... he must live in a constant state of nothing...

Kakuzu couldn't help but think he did too. He knew he did, actually. Until Hidan San had come around, he'd never felt anything but anger and resentment, even the things he loved causing only minimal pleasure.

"Well, Doctor, I think we're going to excuse ourselves." Itachi finally said, smiling again.

"Got a movie and a bucket of popcorn waiting for us at mi casa." Kisame added, clapping the elder man on the back as he rose from his chair.

He stood up too, head still occupied by thoughts of Hidan, which didn't surprise him but still irritated him when he asked suddenly; "And what is my employee doing with his day off?"

Itachi stopped, looking as if he was shocked that Kakuzu had just brought him up even thought they'd spent a good 15 minutes sitting there talking about him. "He was at the apartment last I saw him. He said he would probably go for a walk, he likes to be out in the rain when the conditions are right. Why?"

"Curiosity." He said, scowling at the devious smile he received from the Uchiha.

"I see. Well, good day Doctor. Enjoy your weekend."

He grunted in response and nodded his head to Kisame's wave, watching them leave the building as he stood there awkwardly. He waited for a bit, to make sure they'd gotten in the car and left by the time he returned to his car, sipping idly on his disgusting coffee as he did so.

 

.

 

 _"I'm gonna pick up the piiieeces..."_ Hidan started singing, just barely audible over the distance between them and the quiet tone of voice.

 _"And buuuuuild a lego house..."_ Kakuzu listened for a few moments, simply standing there staring.

_" If things go wrong we can knock it do-own..."_

Damn that man. Damn his stupid voice and ability to make him want to keep listening. Damn his tenancy to somehow keep surprising Kakuzu. He grit his teeth and started forward, slowly and quietly.

_"And three words have two meeeeaniiings, but there's one thing on my miiind; It's all foooorr yooouuu..."_

Hidan hit a bad note and swore, adjusting the guitar on his lap. Kakuzu didn't want to smile, and repressed it, but continued his silent movement toward the man, wondering just why the hell the idiot hadn't noticed he was here. Every time he found himself just studying the man while they were working, it was almost as if his presence was sensed. Hidan caught him staring nearly every time, even before they'd even known about this mutual crush.

He started playing again.  _"And it's dark on a cold December, but I've got you to keep me wa-arm...If you're broken I will mend ya, and I'll keep you sheltered from theeee stooorm thaaat's raaaging oooo-ooon! Ooh! I'm outta touch. I'm outta love. I'll pick you up wheen you're getting dooown. And out of all these things I've done, I think I love you better noow."_

His brow shot up. A love song? Hidan was singing a love song... Why he found that so bizarre, he didn't know, but it didn't stop him from continuing to listen.

_"I'm outta sight. I'm outta mind. But I'll do it all fooor you anytiiiime. and out of all the things I've done... I think I love you better now..."_

Kakuzu had left the coffee house, still holding onto his promise that he would go home when it started to rain. The only problem here was that it had yet to rain.

His thoughts continued to focus on Hidan, and of the conversation that had just taken place.  _"You've had a profound effect on him, Doctor."_  Itachi had told him. Of course he did, it was because he didn't treat the man like a child. he'd been right in his thoughts that night at the two men's shared apartment. Hidan didn't need people caring for him they way they were, despite the good intentions. He needed to be treated just like everyone else, he  _wanted_ to be treated like everyone else. Kakuzu understood that, but at the same time, felt this nagging feeling as if he, too, were doing something wrong.

He kept pushing him away. he didn't know if that's what it was, but it was what kept coming to mind. He'd avoided this irritating infatuation for the longest time, then finally succumb to his desire, only to find that the boy returned them. And now Hidan was there, trying to spend time with him, trying to get to know him through his own means, and he was rejecting him repeatedly. Even that little fling on Wednesday hadn't resulted in anything but the elder man banishing the actions while at work. And if he'd restricted it to anything outside of work, nothing would ever happen.

And that was the question he was struggling with now. Did he  _want_  anything to happen?

Yes. Yes and no.

All the previous reason still stood firm. Hidan was far younger than him, their lives and personalities were from different sides of the universe. And what with the situation that had just happened to Kisame, it only reinforced the fact that it would be an absolute disaster if this relationship progressed to the point where it grew hard to keep it a secret.

He could not control himself when Hidan forced himself on him. That much was clear. Twice it had happened, and twice he had been unable to stop it until some sort of interruption snapped him back to reality. He would admit to himself that he wanted the insufferable brat, he still hadn't figured out why, but he did. He enjoyed looking at him, and despite how he forced himself to act, he enjoyed conversing with him. He didn't think he was capable of smiling so often...

But there was also the thought that Hidan was getting frustrated. Itachi had noticed that his mind was being occupied, and the way he was acting at work... if Kakuzu didn't do something soon then whatever it was that they had between them would likely end. And he knew without knowing that it would not be a pretty thing, for either of them.

It was about the time that this thought came to him that he stopped at a light beside the park in the middle of town, and had glanced out his window and saw through the dulled afternoon light the very same albino sitting off some distance on the fountain. Kakuzu was not an impulsive person, nor a religious one, but this circumstance was clearly far too circumstantial to be ignored.

With his rational head screaming at him to stop doing what he was doing, he waited for a green light and maneuvered into the appropriate lane to park his car, and then proceeded to go to the man sitting alone on a fountain in a large park on a cloudy day.

 

* * *

 

 

"Can't I ever get away from you?" A gravelly voice said behind him. Hidan tensed, blinked a few times, and then twisted to find his boss standing there behind him, his hands in his pockets, expression as unreadable as always.

His mouth fell open for a minute as he scrambled internally to find words to force out. A low rumble of thunder filled the air between them, and he cleared his throat afterwards. "Tch, I could ask you the same fuckin' thing. Are you stalking me now?" He said, wanting to put the guitar away as he resisted the blush that crept up, but then he wouldn't know what to do with himself, so instead he strummed a few random notes. Kakuzu had probably heard him singing... He didn't normally like love songs, but for some reason that one had been stuck in his head. And with the mood that this weather was putting him in, he hadn't been so inclined to care enough that his fucking boss might randomly show up out of nowhere and hear him singing it.

"I was in the neighborhood. You look pitiful, you know. Sitting alone in the park when it's about to rain. I'll never understand you self-proclaimed artists, just a bunch of attention-seekers."

"Fuck you old man. I'm waiting for it to rain." He said without thinking. Why was he here? Dammit, he was trying to get the fucking scrooge  _off_  his mind. And then he shows up?  _Life you are a rude fucking bitch._

"You can't do that at home?"

"No." He said, still refusing to look at his boss and instead focusing on his guitar as he absently plucked the strings. "Itachi went to his fuck-buddy's for the night. It's boring there."

"So you come to the park to try and make everyone feel sorry for you?"

"I don't give a fuck what people think about me!" He said, finally standing up and glaring at the old bastard. What the hell was his problem!? It wasn't like he'd forced him to come here and talk to him. For fuck's sake, why'd he have to be here, and looking so goddamn sexy too?

...Wait a second...

Kakuzu had seen him and stopped to come talk to him. They were actually conversing with each other outside of work. Kakuzu was actually here of his own will associating with him.

_Hah, just kidding life, you're beautiful._

 

"Hey... Kakuzu..."

The doctor raised a brow in question. Hidan fidgeted, he didn't like the way he was staring at him. His mouth fell open again as he tried to force out the words, but they wouldn't come.  _Dammit, great, stupid brain._ He was here now, talking to him, taking time out of his day, just fucking do it.  _You're not working, now is the chance._

He opened his mouth again, only to snap it shut when a large drop of rain suddenly fell on the tip of his nose. He blinked, wiped it off, and tipped his head up to look at the sky as the clouds finally opened up and unleashed their contents.

This was not what he wanted. He'd wanted more than a drizzle, less than a shower. Now it was suddenly down pouring, soaking him to the bone in an instant. He swore and scooped up his guitar case, jogging over to Kakuzu as he struggled to get the instrument to safety.

"Well, you got your rain." He said, still staring at the younger man. Hidan's eyes met his, but only for a moment before they trailed off to study in speechless shock a rain-drenched Doctor Hoku. His chocolate hair was plastered against his head, the few random strands of bangs not held back in a ponytail stringing down his face, framing his eerie eyes, which still refused to remove themselves from Hidan. For once, Kakuzu wasn't wearing a turtleneck, and instead had a simple black v-neck tee-shirt on with a pair of nice jeans. He actually looked casual, not Kakuzu casual but like,  _actually casual._  The rain had the shirt clinging to him in mere minutes, and Hidan quickly tore his eyes away before the old man cracked some insult about his shameless gawking.

"Yeah... I thought it would be just a drizzle."

"It appears you miscalculated." The elder man said again, still staring at him with an intensity that was making Hidan's heartbeat start to race.

"Uh... Can I have a ride back home?" He said running a hand through his hand to get his bangs out of his eyes.

"You came here knowing it was going to rain. You can walk." The doctor said, finally breaking the stare by turning away with what almost looked like a smirk.

"WHAT!? Are you kidding me! You fucking stalker, I'm getting in your goddamn car with you anyway." He announced, stomping loudly as he took off to beat the old man to his car.

"Is that what you think?"

"You're damn right it is."

"Why do you like the rain?" Kakuzu said suddenly, making Hidan falter for a second and almost trip. He recovered and continued walking by the old man, eyeing him sideways.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean what I asked. Most people hate rain. It's wet and it creates mud and it messes up their hair or makeup or whatever other ridiculous excuse people these days use to complain."

Hidan felt his face twist in confusion. Awfully chatty today, wasn't he? "It's just peaceful... I don't know. Why do you care?"

"I enjoy rain too."

Hidan blinked, now at a complete lack for words. What exactly was going on right now? Was he dreaming? Had he actually tripped and fallen on his walk here and now he was actually in a coma? How Ironic was it for Kakuzu to just show up like that, looking the way he did, and then the rain just spontaneously starts falling as soon as he gets here so that Hidan couldn't just sit there in it, undisturbed, and enjoy it. Even though he actually could, if he wanted to, he could tell Kakuzu to fuck off and go sit back on the fountain... But he didn't want to. He couldn't pass up this opportunity, his boss who had been plaguing his mind constantly just magically showing up just when he could really use a ride home.

It was obviously a sign. So was the fact that Kakuzu was admitting similarities between then without Hidan having to fucking interrogate him. So as Kakuzu rounded around that black car and hopped in the drivers side, and he calmly opened the passenger-side door and slipped in, carefully squeezing his guitar into the backseat, he gathered his courage.

"Uh.. Hey, do you wanna go get some coffee? There's this new place downtown."

Kakuzu turned to him with the faintest hints of amusement and started the car.

"I was just there. It's shit."

He tried to hold back the laugh at hearing Kakuzu speak that way, but he couldn't do it, and instead ended up making a humiliating snorting noise. The doctor continued staring at him in amused question. He stared back. Fuck did he look amazing right now, goddamn old man. This wasn't fair. Why couldn't he be drunk and not giving a fuck about awkwardness right now?

"Well, You wanna come to the apartment, I can make some. Won't even cost you."

"No." He said immediately, turning to shift into drive and focus on pulling out onto the street.

Hidan deflated there in the seat. Damn, he'd thought maybe he'd had a shot when Kakuzu hadn't immediately declined his invitation to get coffee. Maybe he was pushing it a little far.

"Your coffee is shit too. We can go to my house."

Hidan nearly choked on his spit as he whirled in his seat. "What? Your house?"

"That's what I said. "

"You're going to let me go to your house. Where you live?"

"Do I need to draw you a picture, Hidan?"

"Are... is this a date?" Fuck, dammit. Why'd he say that? He kicked himself a hundred times mentally.

"Co-workers  _are_  allowed to associate with each other outside of work. It's not a crime."

"No, just really fucking weird. What the hell are you doing here?"  _AAGHH SHUT UP AND LET IT HAPPEN YOU IDIOT!_

Kakuzu's jaw worked, and his grip tightened on the steering wheel. "You spend all week with your ridiculous form of flirting and then pull that stunt on Wednesday..."

"Which you told me to never do again..."

"While we were working."

A stretch of silence lasted there between them before a grin ripped it's way across his face. "Oh my God, Are you coming on to me Kuzu?"

"No."

"Haha! Yes you are! You're going to take me to your house and have your way with me!"

"Shut up you damned imbecile."

"It's okay to admit it, Kuzu. I'm not whipping out the pepper spray am I?"

"What did you mean?" He said sternly, making Hidan hesitate for a second in his teasing.

"What?"

"What did you mean when you told me I could be your God?"

It took him a few moments to remember what he was talking about. When he finally recalled it, he felt his cheeks burn. Oh right, he  _had_  said that hadn't he? He'd sort of forgotten after all the whole Tayuya drama.

"I meant what I said." He forced out, mocking Kakuzu for the fact that he didn't know what else to say.

"Do you even know what you're saying or are you just blabbering again?"

"Uh.. I'm kind of blabbering." He said, chuckling and pushing his hair out of his eyes again. "But, I mean. You did kind of save me from a really shitty situation... twice."

"Twice?"

"Yeah... Kakuzu, I don't really know where I'd be right now if you hadn't hired me."  _You should probably stop embarrassing yourself right now._  His head told him, but he ignored it. He didn't want to stop embarrassing himself. It was true, As much as he hadn't wanted it in the beginning, as much as he'd despised his boss, he couldn't imagine being anywhere else besides, he was tired of everyone thinking he was an idiot, he didn't want Kakuzu to think he was an idiot, even though he'd kind of fucked that up repeatedly already. "Even with Itachi helping me out... I probably would have had some epic meltdown and left and gone back to doing all the stupid shit I did before. You... gave me a reason not to go back to it, you know? You gave me purpose. You're my God."

Kakuzu didn't say anything more, and Hidan sat there in the silence twiddling his thumbs. "I really like you. I know I act kind of like an idiot around you all the time, but it's because I don't know what else to do. It's either be an idiot or start saying sappy shit like this..."

"You've clearly been hanging out with that Uchiha too much."

He laughed softly. "Yeah. Don't let it go to your fucking head though. You're still a bastard."

"And you're still annoying."

 

.

 

The first thought that came to mind when he stepped through the doorway was that Kakuzu Hoku had a  _nice fucking house._  The second thought was that they were all alone in this nice fucking house.

He studied the place as he followed Kakuzu on autopilot to the kitchen where the elder man moved to the coffee pot and began the process of making a batch of coffee. And as he watched him move around and admired his physique, still soaked from the rain, he wondered what the hell was going to happen now, and as all kinds of ideas and possibilities passed through his mind, he suddenly wished for a bottle of any kind of alcohol to miraculously appear in his hand.

"You live in this big fucking place alone?"

"Yes. And it not all that big. Only the living room  and kitchen are."

"Tch. I knew you were probably rich, but I'm still impressed."

"It serves it's purpose." The elder said, finishing his task and turning around to lean on the cabinet and cross his arms. "You look like a drowned rat."

"Yeah well, I didn't exactly bring a change of clothes." He said, shrugging. Kakuzu raised a brow in question, and he felt his face burn, realizing he'd just implied that he wanted to borrow some of his clothes. "We should have just gone to the apartment... I feel weird here."

"If you think something is going to come of this you should get it off your mind immediately. It's only coffee, Hidan."

"Uh huh." He said, turning around to escape Kakuzu's intense stare and wandering out into to living room. For a guy who didn't like to spend money, he had really nice things. Two big black leather couches, a recliner that looked like it was built to hold a sumo-wrestler, a coffee table with what looked like a marble or maybe imitation marble topper, a large flat screen television. There wasn't really any decor, the walls were bare, painted in a dark brown color with white trim around the windows, maroon curtains... that was it. For as nice as it was, it was... kind of empty in the sense that it almost seemed more like some sort of display a retail agent would set up to make it look like someone actually lived here.

"Do I get a tour, or what?" He called out, jumping and whirling when Kakuzu's voice responded from right behind him.

"I don't recall you ever giving me one of those with your home."

"Tch, first of all, it's a fucking apartment, there's nothing to tour. Second of all, you hated my guts then."

"Indeed. You were an irritating brat."

"I'm still an irritating brat."

"You certainly are."

Hidan turned around to look up at him, unsure really of what expression he was even making. He wished desperately that he could randomly acquire the ability to read minds as he stared at the man's unreadable features. He just wanted to know why. Why he was in this situation, why this man liked him, how it was even possible. All he wanted was just a little bit of understanding. He never understood anything, really, he was okay with not understanding most things, because most things didn't really matter in the long run. But this did, this was important, for whatever reason, this old man was important. For whatever reason, he actually liked him, even though he acted like he didn't, even though he acted like he didn't even want to, he did.

So why?

Hidan knew why he liked Kakuzu, he'd had a lot of time to think over it. The reasons didn't always make sense, but he knew them. He was obviously attracted to his power, not so much power over other things, as in the grand scheme of things he didn't really have all that much, he was just a small-time Doctor in a small-time town. But the man just reeked of it, power and confidence, he didn't give a shit about the entire rest of the world, he just did what he wanted and that was that. People respected him, feared him, it was alluring. Of course it didn't help that the man was like a sex god, especially for as old as he was. Built like a fucking brick house, able to pick Hidan up off the floor and probably throw him across the room if he wanted. People could be confident and exude power all they wanted but if they didn't have what it takes to back that up, they were nothing. Kakuzu had that though, he had everything.

And he was so self-assured. He wasn't like Hidan, who did things without knowing why, who was impulsive and rash and stupid. Kakuzu didn't need anything to know what he wanted and how he was going to get it. He was so... in control. Maybe that's what it was. He was in control of himself and his surroundings and... just everything. Hidan had none, not even over himself. It was admirable.

Chemistry, Itachi had said, Soul-mates. Huh... maybe it wasn't such a load of bullshit.

"I still want a tour, you fucking rude asshole."

Kakuzu stared a little longer, before hmph-ing and stepping around him. "Then take one, I'm going to change."

"Okay, I'll just follow you and we'll start in the bedroom-" He started to say, following the man before he turned to move through a doorway and slammed the door in his face. He stood there blinking for a couple seconds, and then laughed.

Okay, he kind of had that coming.

 

.

 

The rest of Kakuzu's house was pretty much the same as what he'd seen so far. There were two bedrooms, one of them converted into a home-gym, a study that was pretty well empty except for a floor-to-ceiling bookshelf absolutely packed with books and a few briefcases sitting over in the corner. The bathroom was surprisingly plain, and also creepily clean. Actually the whole damn house was spotless, not even a speck of dust out of place. The whole house felt so eerily impersonal, and he found himself kind of depressed at the fact that there was nothing here really to give him better insight into his boss's actual personality as a human being. No pictures on the wall, no strange decor like a rug or random statue or anything like that that depicted an interest in anything. Itachi had pictures all over the place, he had books in his bookshelves that were like actual books and not boring-looking novels. He had vases with flowers and little figurines and stuff sporadically placed on any sort of shelf or open counter. He at least had CD's and stuff to show taste in music. If you walked into that apartment you'd probably be able to tell that a gay man lived there. But when you walk into this house... it was like no one lived here at all.

Frankly it was kind of depressing.

 

"Are you sure you live here?" He said as he wandered back into the kitchen. He stopped abruptly though when he saw Kakuzu toweling his hair dry, facing away from him.

"What kind of question is that?" He draped the small towel over his shoulders as he spoke, turning to regard Hidan, who continued staring like an idiot for a few more heartbeats.

Kakuzu's hair was  _long._  He known it was long obviously because he had to put it in a ponytail but now it was down and hanging free, hanging down over his collarbones and words were failing him. On one hand he found it kind of strange, all the sudden, that Kakuzu had long hair at all. He just didn't seem like that kind of guy. Why that thought had never struck him before, he didn't know. However, on the other hand, it was kind of interesting. Itachi had long hair, he'd once explained that it was easier for people to accept his homosexuality when he looked more like a girl.

Kakuzu had long hair. And was apparently bi-sexual. Maybe it had nothing at all to do with that, maybe he just liked long hair. Either way, it was an interesting thought. And he somehow managed to pull it off like a boss. Sex God indeed, especially when it was wet and down like that.

He cleared his throat. "Uh.. cuz.. I mean. It just looks like a place to live, not a place someone already does live."

Kakuzu cocked a brow. "I don't believe I asked for your opinion."

"Well you got it anyway. Are you really just this fucking boring or are you like, trying to sell it or something? How am I supposed to root through your personal shit if you don't have any?"

"If I find you going through my things I'll break your fingers."

"Well there's nothing to go through."

"You're upset that I don't have any dirty secrets for you to uncover?"

"Kind of, yes."

"Well you're an idiot." He turned back around to the coffee pot and opened the cabinet above it, pulling down two ridiculously big mugs. "Come make your damn drink, unless you find that excruciatingly boring as well."

Hidan nearly leaped over beside him, picking up the cup and marveling at it. "Holy fuck! This thing is huge! Are you addicted to caffeine?"

"I enjoy a good cup of coffee, yes."

"That's awesome. Where did you get these? I'm gonna make Itachi get some."

"I'm so happy that you're no longer bored." Kakuzu said in monotone, pouring the steaming liquid into his own mug.

"Yeah, see this is the kind of shit that's interesting. It helps see who you are. You like coffee... a fucking lot. And I know you like rain now, and fucking Rod Stewart, which is hilarious but kind of cute too."

"I'd appreciate it if you'd stop calling me cute."

"It's a compliment old man, take it."

"Weren't you the one who said you'd never compliment me?"

Hidan rolled his eyes and reached to pour himself a cup too. "Yeah, if you haven't noticed, I tend to talk without really thinking."

"Indeed."

The words between them stopped there for a long stretch of time. Kakuzu finished concocting his coffee in the specific way he seemed to like it. After watching him, Hidan copied it. Normally he put enough cream and sugar in his to give a person instant diabetes, but his mood had shifted into a calm sort of happiness that made him smile as he fixed his coffee the way Kakuzu drank it. After which he meandered out into the living room and plopped down on the couch beside the elder man, receiving a disapproving glare when he scooted over intentionally too-close to him.

But the older of the two said nothing, and turned on the T.V. which was stationed on the weather channel. Hidan grimaced at this, but decided to humor him for a little bit, and also because he was kind of curious about the weather. It was raining like hell out there. 'April showers bring May flowers', went the saying, but still... that was a lot of rain. And he was kind of pissed that he hadn't gotten the kind of rain he wanted, even though he shouldn't be. If it had only been a gentle rain, Kakuzu probably wouldn't have given him a ride, and he probably wouldn't be sitting here beside him.

According to the admittedly hot blonde on the television, it was going to keep raining off and on until halfway through the week. Then commercials came on, and he sighed dramatically. "Well this is exciting."

"I don't understand what it is about me that made you think my home would be exciting." Kakuzu suddenly replied.

"Yeah, I forget some times that you're just a boring old man. If you're going to keep me prisoner here can't you at least watch something interesting?"

"You are far from prisoner. If you keep running your mouth I might kick you out."

"But it's like a fucking monsoon out there! And I live like halfway across town."

"Your point being?"

"My point being that you're being a shitty host, and you need to be interesting. Let's make out."

Kakuzu spit out the small sip of coffee he had taken, and seeing the refined man doing something like that launched Hidan into a laughing fit during which Kakuzu took the liberty of shoving him roughly off the couch and to the floor.

"You bloody child!" He growled, rising and going quickly to the kitchen to snatch a few paper-towels.

"Well Seriously!" Hidan said, trying to collect himself on the floor and marveling at how it was a miracle he didn't smash his face into the coffee table. "Why else would you bring me here and offer me coffee? It's obviously a date."

"You were the one who suggested coffee."

"You could have just said no. And you were stalking me."

"You are an idiot." Kakuzu said slowly, glancing at him as he mopped up the spill.

"An Idiot you want to bang." Hidan pointed out, laughing still.

"I'd love to shoot you, if that's what you're implying."

"'Bang' means screw, you old geezer."

"I wouldn't mind taking a drill to your skull either."

"Your insults are starting to get immature again, Kuzu." He said, finally pushing up from the floor and re-seating himself on the couch. "That means you're embarrassed, I'm pretty sure. I've been paying attention, believe it or not."

"I don't." He growled, acting as if he was going to sit beside him again and stopping. Instead he took an extra step and seated himself on the other couch. "Waste of perfectly good coffee..." He mumbled. Hidan made a face and promptly jumped up and plopped down beside him again, receiving a growl and a glare for his efforts. The old man could deny the situation all he wanted, but Hidan was over that stage. Kakuzu was 46, and not stupid at all. He had purposely invited Hidan to his house. Maybe he hadn't realized how awkward it would be, but that didn't matter.

They were alone. No one was watching, he didn't have to keep putting on this act. They weren't working, and so nothing was stopping him from-

"This isn't a date."

Hidan blinked, re-emerging from all the pictures and images flashing through him. "What?"

"It's not a date. That sounds childish and immature."

He grinned. "It fucking does doesn't it. You're too old to go on dates."

"Not what I meant..."

"You know what else I hate? Kissing. If I said 'Kuzu, I want you to kiss me.' Would you be turned on?" He only received a skeptical and somewhat weary stare from the elder.

"Exactly. They need a better fucking word for it." He finished, throwing his arm limply to emphasize the ridiculousness of the problem.

"And what would you suggest?" Kakuzu replied. If Hidan wasn't mistaken, he had just the slightest hints of a smile on those lips. He took a few moments to think it over, unable to draw his eyes away from his boss's mouth.

"Face battle."

Kakuzu laughed. He actually laughed, and it took the poor zealot so off guard that he actually jerked away from him and stared at the man with wide eyes. Had he ever heard that sound before? He heard him sort of breathe out sharply, he'd heard him chuckle, kind of, but never an actual laugh. To be honest he'd wondered a few times if maybe the man had once had to have some sort of surgery that prevented him from laughter. But here he was, he'd laughed, and at Hidan's joke, none-the-less.

He found himself grinning broadly too, unable still to tear his eyes away from Kakuzu's face. He absently licked his lips when the man finally turned to look at him, saying nothing more. And for an extended moment in time they just stared while the weatherman droned on in the background.

He could do it. He could do it right now. No interruptions this time. Kakuzu was all his, and he was all Kakuzu's. He knew the Doctor was thinking the same thing, he could see it in his eyes, the way he was just staring at him without saying anything. He wanted it, sooo badly. Why he was hesitant, he wasn't even sure. Kakuzu had instigated it that first time at the party, and at the clinic he'd just been too overwhelmed by Kakuzu laying into him the way he did, he hadn't been able to control himself.

But now it was just...

Just what?

He smiled, watching Kakuzu's eyes flick down to his mouth.

_Fuck it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (((Song used in this chapter is 'Lego House' by Ed Sheeran))


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning; Stuff happens.  
> Sex stuff.  
> Mansex stuff.  
> It's happening.  
> Like now.

_This is different._

It was a good thing they were alone, is all he could fucking say, and even so he was still kind of embarrassed, straddled like a fucking woman on his boss as he was. Hidan San was perfectly open-minded, except when it came to demeaning things like this. He wasn't like Itachi, he was a man, he acted like a man, usually. Right now... well... he couldn't help himself.

It hadn't started like this, it had started out in far more awkward of a position. Kind of like that very first kiss back in the Kitchen at the 4H building. But it was different. He'd been sitting beside Kakuzu, turned halfway on that fancy black leather couch, just staring at the man before him. He sat with his right ankle propped on his left knee, right arm on the armrest, knuckles pressed against his cheek though he wasn't really leaning on him. Sitting there so casually in those casual clothes with his hair wet and hanging down like that, making soft waves on the wet cotton of his shirt, now a charcoal-ey button up.

And Kakuzu stared back at him. Fuck, he'd give anything to know what the hell was going through that old bastards mind. He loved that he couldn't seem to read him, that no one could, not even Itachi. He loved it and he hated it. He was sitting there staring, perfectly nonchalant in his own home despite Hidan successfully making the man not only spit out his coffee in humiliation and surprise, but making him laugh almost directly after as well. He was acting so weird, so incredibly fucking weird. Not just now but ever since the park. But he didn't mind it so much, because he was still being normal enough. And even though he was disappointed he wasn't able to see any deeper into the man from the place he called home, he supposed this kind of behavior was sort of doing the job for him.

He  _was_  power, he  _was_  control, He's also just as human as Hidan or anyone else. And that random thought spiking through his head had finally given him the courage to stop being a bitch, push forward and practically crawl on top of the man.

_This is really different._

It had always been different, kissing Kakuzu. For all the obvious reasons as well as the basic, carnal ones. The fact was that they'd never done anything while completely in control of their thoughts and actions, and while it honestly didn't last for long, it was nice. It was different, and somehow was far more significant than any of the one-night-stands or make out sessions he'd ever had with any of the previous men and women he'd ever been with.

He first just twisted on the seat, scooted closer, and tentatively brought their mouths together. Maybe it wasn't a date, but the best times on the best of relationships didn't usually happen on a stupid date anyway. And he stuck with what he'd said earlier, they were  _both_  too old for dating. It made what they had sound stupid, just like kissing. 'Face battling' was far more appropriate for what they did, except for the few moments.

He expected the man to push him away, or lean back, but he didn't move, he didn't even tense up. He remained where he was, the only movement was after an excruciatingly long 2 seconds of staying there in that position with their lips, not even open, pressed together. Finally Kakuzu raised his coffee-colored hands and leaned into it, wrapping one arm around the small of Hidan's back and the other around the back of his head.

And using that ridiculous strength, in one smooth movement he shifted the smaller man onto his lap, simultaneously forcing his tongue into the mouth against his.

 

* * *

 

The fact of the matter was that two people could only stay in such a state of sexual tension between each other for so long until the desire was too great to handle.

 

Seeing Hidan standing there in the rain was what had done it, he thought. He didn't have any intention at all of things playing out the way they did when he'd stopped and gone to talk with Hidan, or maybe he did. He wasn't really sure, but for once, being uncertain was okay. It was always like that with Hidan, there was no way of knowing what the little idiot would do or say, the fact only made stronger by the entire journey from the park here to his home.

The teasing, the subdued blushing, lashing out one moment only to become introverted and thoughtful the next moment. On anyone else it would be unbearable. But with Hidan... it was just natural... interesting. Everything he did, everything he said, like some puzzle to figure out even when he was making perfect sense. Surprises in every second, even when there were none.

Kakuzu had never felt one way or the other about rain, but for some reason he'd decided at that moment that he liked it too, simply because that Uchiha boy had said that Hidan liked it, simply because they'd been standing there in it together, and the infuriating little brat had just looked so... He didn't even know. Like a bloody goddamned angel that for whatever reason, was trapped here on earth. Kakuzu never had a problem appreciating the way certain people looked discreetly in the confines of his own head, though most of the time it was never anything worthy of the staring he kept finding himself doing to his employee. Hidan in all honesty wasn't even all that incredibly attractive, when he thought about it while alone and away from the boy and able to sort out his thoughts. He was good-looking, but he was lean and somewhat scrawny, in Kakuzu's opinion. His ears were a little on the big side and he had what the kids called a 'lesbian-tongue'. But none of those things he tried to convince himself mattered, ever actually mattered when he found himself in the boy's presence again.

He'd almost let him borrow some of his clothes, his gut had turned over twice when the implication had been set on the table. But that would be too much, he thought. Just having the little brat here in his home still damp with those silver locks all stringy and all over the place was hard enough to deal with. No one ever came over to Kakuzu's house, even Kisame had only been over a few times in all the years he'd lived here, and usually it was only to help him with some form of home maintenance that he couldn't manage to do alone.

This was his domain, his territory, and anyone who found themselves in it took on the new persona of 'prey'. People rarely came to his house, and even rarer than that still did anyone come to his house to become  _that_  kind of prey. In fact, Hidan was the very first since he'd lived here. Having Hidan wear his clothes... yes, that would be too much.

The younger man shifted on top of him, attempted to pull his head away, but Kakuzu would not let him. He couldn't if he wanted to, the hunt was over, he'd captured the prey, all that was left was devouring it.

 

* * *

 

It was getting kind of hard to breathe. His heart was pounding so goddamned hard he was kind of afraid he might have some sort of attack. His head was swimming, almost like being drunk and stoned at the same just, just the right amount of both, to where you knew what was going on but still weren't in complete control of yourself.

He tried to break away so he could suck in a quick lung-ful of air, but his boss apparently had other ideas. He only forced him closer, the action sending out what little air he had in him whooshing out through his nose in a heated sigh. His own hands had long moved to the base of Kakuzu's neck, fingers snaking through that long fucking hair, not too thick but not thin either. God, there was no way he was as old as everyone said. People nearly 50 didn't look like this, or feel like this.

 _I really need to breathe though_ , he thought to himself, using the man's hair as leverage to forcibly break their faces apart, taking a few quick inhales, and then attacking the exposed coffee-colored skin of the neck that presented entire upper-body below him vibrated as Kakuzu let out something between a growl and a moan, and with a grin to himself, Hidan bit hard onto the skin just beneath the man's ear. The old bastard liked it when he fought back, he remembered.

Maybe that was why he liked him... Itachi and Kisame had been talking once on the phone about he and his boss, he'd overheard his roommate saying something about how all the other women that had been hired before Hidan had never stood up to Kakuzu, and when they did they'd just quit for fear of dealing with the repercussions of the action. The zealot had almost walked out of there, but not because he was afraid of Kakuzu, because he was embarrassed for his actions. And the Doctor had stopped him...

Is that what this was all about? Hidan actually fought back. Hidan was a challenge. Is that what it was that attracted the old man?

It would make sense. A man with everything, power and influence and control. Someone like that would probably get bored and complacent with their life, and then Hidan the damned zealot came in and continuously challenged and threatened his way of living. Of course he'd be interested. And that was okay, Hidan thought clearly now. They liked each other  _because_  they were so drastically different. They were so different, in fact, that they almost made an entire loop and ended on the same page. Similarly separate.

With a new flash of heat spreading through him at this sudden understanding, he licked a trail up Kakuzu's neck to his earlobe, then nipping at it. His heads released themselves from the chocolate locks to slide over his shoulders and down his broad chest to convene in the center, working to undo that first button which for some reason was being uncooperative, mostly because his fucking fingers were killing him from that goddamn guitar.

 

* * *

 

His ear was bitten into shortly after his neck, he grit his teeth to hold back whatever noise it was that wanted to escape, and instead bucked slightly, gripping Hidan's upper Lats as hard as he could and letting his other hand sneak its way beneath the man's jeans and what felt like boxer-briefs, giving a rough squeeze before pulling his hand back out yet still keeping it pressed against that smooth, pale skin as he smoothed it up the pale back.

This was sort of the problem at the moment; Kakuzu was more interested in men than women, yes. That much was true. But it was also true that aside from that one singular fling in college, he'd been with only females. And even despite those, he hadn't had anyone since he moved to this small town.

For the millionth time since this irresistible little imbecile appeared in his life, Kakuzu didn't really know what he was doing. This was one con to being in control, though if Hidan kept doing what he was doing it would be a fast trip in a different direction. He was managing thus far to keep his head, though it was ridiculously exhausting to do so. It was more just to see if he could, a personal challenge to himself. He had no actual reason to, seeing as there was no other human being alive that would dare walk into his house unannounced, or at least none that would survive if they did. And stemming from that was a security that there wouldn't be any interruptions, nor any reason to keep himself in check. It was just after 1 p.m. on a Saturday with the rain pouring as if the floods were upon them. He knew from experience that once it started, it would not end until it was truly over.

He was soft, Kakuzu noted as he absently watched Hidan struggle with the buttons on his shirt with a small smirk. He remembered women always being soft and warm, But Hidan was too. Except his fingertips, they were a little rough, but he attributed that to the guitar-playing. He remembered Kisame saying something about how his fingertips had felt as if they were actually bleeding when he'd first started playing. He wondered idly if that's why Hidan was having trouble with the buttons.

"Goddammit, I'm about to rip this fucking thing off..." He snarled under his breath, brow furrowed and grimacing in frustration.

 _I'll kill you if you do._  Kakuzu tried to say. The words never broke free though, as his body decided he'd had enough of this restraint nonsense. He couldn't help it, frustrated Hidan was so annoyingly adorable.

With only minimal effort he twisted, tossing Hidan off his lap and onto his back, sprawled across the couch and complaining with his mouth but practically fucking the older man already with the way he was staring excitedly at him. It took all of two seconds for Kakuzu to lean over him, grab the ends of Hidan's shirt and nearly tear it off as he forced it over the compliant man's head and off his body. He had no idea where he tossed it afterward, as he was too busy consuming that annoying mouth.

Fingers started working again immediately to remove the elder man's shirt, and for a brief second this irritated him. The brat was far too coherent at the moment if he could focus enough to keep trying to do that. He pried Hidan's legs open with his own knee and settled in so that his thigh was snugly against the other man's crotch, using the hand that wasn't holding him hovering over the other to again wrap around the small of the youngers back and draw him into an arch, pushing deeper into the kiss.

Hidan let out a small gasp that morphed into a groan halfway through, and managed to get enough room between them to latch onto the Kakuzu's lower lip and bite down.

 

* * *

[](http://tinypic.com?ref=2qny5pt)

Kakuzu recoiled only slightly, enough to part their mouths again and stare with those eyes that seemed almost stuck in a perpetual glare. Hidan stared up at him, breathing heavily in the little room that Kakuzu's loose hair made around their faces.

He managed to undo two more buttons since being thrown from the man's lap. It was at this point Hidan decided that was as good as it was going to get for the moment and quickly yanked what he could down off of the man's wide shoulders and abandoned it to slide his hand over his Doctor's bare pectorals. Marveling at how ridiculously soft his chest hair was, and how it somehow didn't bother him at all. He tried to imagine Kakuzu with his shirt off millions of times, and for whatever reason, maybe his own preferences, he'd never imagined hair. But here it was, making him even sexier despite.

He mumbled something, maybe "Wow." or "Holy shit." He wasn't exactly sure, but whatever it was must have pleased Kakuzu in some way, and he lowered down and started returning the favor to biting and sucking at Hidan's throat, moving down to the hollowed spot and then over to just above his collarbones, digging his fingers into his back.

He heard himself moan, but couldn't focus enough to be embarrassed for it. It was finally happening, yes,  _Thank you God._  He pushed himself against Kakuzu's thigh, grinding against it, eyes closed, enjoying the sensations. His smell, his warm breath against tingling flesh, feeling his way up his chest, over his shoulders, down his sides, around his back. The tensed muscle hovering over him, dominating, pushing back against him.

Fuck. This is heaven.

His hands moved downward again to continue removing the pesky shirt still separating them, ignoring the blisters that pricked his fingers tips as he unfastened them. Somehow he managed to finish the job, and quickly pushed the fabric off.

Kakuzu's body moved away for a moment to shrug out of it, Hidan propped himself up, too impatient to wait the half-second it would take to be close to him again. His arms wound around again, and he dug his nails into that tanned skin, dragging them down the entire length of his bare back. The doctor growled, shoving his leg forward so forcefully that it actually pushed Hidan up into a normal sitting position, sending sparks of pain and pleasure alike from his nether regions all the way through him.

He inhaled sharply, lips pulling back over clenched teeth before his eyes centered on the dark nipple directly in front of him. Without hesitation he leaned forward to flick his tongue over it. Kakuzu stiffened, and so he went a step farther to take it between his teeth, hand roaming down to cup at the hard bulge in the elder man's pants and massage it.

 

* * *

 

Everything else in the world disappeared. Fuck his business, fuck his reputation, fuck everything. Especially Hidan. Fuck him, fuck him hard.

As soon as he touched his cock, even with jeans and the underwear separating it, there was no control anymore. Enough with this fooling around. He heard the loud snarl rip from him, He saw Hidan's eyes go wide with he-didn't-even- _care_ what emotion. His body moved on it's own, grabbing the younger man and shoving him back down to lay flat on his back roughly. He moved back, away from Hidan, then he was standing. Again he grabbed the younger man, ignoring the shout of alarm as he hoisted him up over his shoulder and stormed back to the bedroom.

Leather was so hard to keep clean, after all.

 

* * *

 

Hidan was slammed onto the bed, trying to figure out just what the hell had happened. Kakuzu was on him again in a second, prohibiting rational thoughts with a demanding tongue and forceful hands moving him like some sort of mannequin.

_Holy shit..._

He was pulled to the edge of the bed, tall enough so that as Kakuzu placed himself between Hidan's legs his ass was resting flush against that bulge. The hungry mouth left his and bit hard into his neck, someone moaned like a girl... oh.. that was him.

Kakuzu thrusted, their pants the only separating their duelly rock-hard manhood. Fingers wrapped around the hem of his jeans, tugging them lower on his hips, pulling him closer. He wrapped his hands around the neck above him, hoisting himself up. Their tongues danced with each other briefly again before he was forced back down.

He was trying to keep fighting back, honestly. But it's hard when you're being man-handled by a fucking guy with super-human strength. Everything he did only made Kakuzu's reactions rougher, harder.

"Oh FUCK!" He cried when suddenly there were teeth clamping down on his own nipple, the other one being pinched hard by the Doctor on top of him. He felt himself buck into the other man's groin, then continued doing it after realizing it felt fucking amazing. Kakuzu growl-groaned again and pushed back into him, his hair ghosting across Hidan's bare chest at he attacked the other side of his neck.

He clawed at the broad chest, Finally getting a real moan from the man above him. He pulled away and then his pants were being unbuttoned. Excitement coursed through him, and he pushed himself up once the zipper was down, lifting himself off the bed enough for the remainder of his clothes to be easily removed. He somehow managed to note that his shoes were no longer on, and attempted for a fleeting nanosecond to recall when the hell he'd kicked them off before abandoning that quest in order to undo Kakuzu's fly.

 

* * *

 

Hidan made the most wonderful sound when Kakuzu halted his efforts and wrapped a hand around the Hidan's exposed appendage and started stroking. A high moan that choked itself off. The younger man seemed to lose control of his muscles temporarily, nearly falling back down onto the bed. Kakuzu caught him and kept him upright, digging his fingers into the man's right shoulder while biting down into the left one, still pumping his hand across the twitching cock.

"God.. Jesus... fucking hell..." Hidan sputtered, throwing his head back, his hands still hooked into the rim of Kakuzu's slacks, clinging for dear life. The Doctor smiled to himself.  _That's right, I'm your God now._

He let go of Hidan's shoulder now that he could hold himself up, and leaned sideways, yanking open the drawer on his nightstand to fish around for something, anything that was wet and slippery that he could use as lubrication.

He snarled out a swear when nothing came. Of course there was nothing in there, he didn't have sex anymore. But damn it all, that was going to change, right here and now. Unfortunately that meant he'd have to go to the bathroom... Even though he didn't have to...

He stepped back, receiving a disappointed hum from Hidan, and took a second to stare at the sweating, panting mess sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at him with pleading, pigment-less eyes.

He jerked his head toward the door to the hall. "Go find something."

Hidan's face twisted in confusion. "What the fuck is  _something!?"_  He all but yelled.

Kakuzu couldn't stop the sneer that fell across his features at seeing the man in such a torturous position. his frustration wasn't adorable anymore, at this point it was dangerously arousing. "Unless you want me to fuck you dry, _go find something._ "

For a second he almost lost it, it wasn't the unbearable desire to do just that that coursed through him just after he said it, it was the fact that Hidan's face shifted into a thoughtful expression, as if considering the idea. He almost did it, he almost dropped his pants right there and did it, but at the last second Hidan finally mumbled out a string of swears and took off to do as he was ordered, and he let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding with a whoosh.

 

* * *

 

 _Fucking asshole._  Hidan thought to himself, searching frantically through the man's drawers and medicine cabinet.  _Making me go get the goddamn lube when we're in his house. Fucking mood killer._

It killed the mood, yes, but he wasn't about to fuck this up. He was about to fucking explode just at the feeling of someone else's hand on his dick. That hadn't happened for a long fucking time. "Motherfucker!" He snarled as he accidentally tipped over a mostly empty bottle of something and it started a domino effect. This was ridiculous. Shaving cream, toothpaste, extra bottles of anti-bacterial hand soap. ' _Find something.'_  He'd said. Easier said than done...

He whirled around, teeth grinding. Shampoo? It's a possibility, that would burn like a motherfucker though. Hidan wouldn't mind it, but Kakuzu might.

Fuck.

"Gimme a goddamn hand here, Big Guy!" He whisper-growled, running a hand through his hair.

Scanning the room, his prayers were answered. His gaze landed on a bottle of lotion sitting on a shelf over the back of the toilet. feeling like he was in some sort of race against time, he lunged for it, snatched it up and sprinted back to the room.

Random spots on his body were starting to ache. Not so much random spots as much as the spots where Kakuzu had abused him. His nipple kind of felt like it was bleeding, but a quick glance proved that otherwise. He was disappointed, a little bit of blood would make this perfect, what better lube was there?

This had never happened, he'd been with some crazy fucking chicks, but he'd always been the one getting rough with them while they sat back and had their fucking orgasms. No one had ever gotten mean like this before, he could hardly think straight enough to remember where the room was. He was so fucking horny, he might just die. And fuck it, that would be just fine. That's one hell of a way to go, after all.

He chucked the bottle ahead of him onto the bed and turned to stand in front of Kakuzu in all his nudity, glaring at the older man. "You're an asshole. Take off your goddamn pants." He declared, not waiting for the man to do it himself before he continued unzipping them and began tugging.

He got them down just far enough to expose a happy trail before the elder man sidestepped him, picked him up and quite actually and literally tossed him onto the bed. In a mirror image of before he was grabbed by the hips and yanked back against him, he could only suck in a surprised breathe in the span of time this happened, and suddenly Kakuzu was leaning down over him. "What makes you think I'm finished with you yet." He growled low, then ground his still-clothed crotch into Hidan's exposed one.

He grit his teeth and hissed in another breathe at the rough fabric rubbed against the sensitive area like sandpaper. "You're fucking evil!" He tried to shout. He cringed when it came out as more of a squeal.

It hurt so good. Oh God. What the fuck had he gotten himself into? Kakuzu was going to torture him. He wasn't going to make it through this night.

 

* * *

 

The short break had him coming back to his senses, something that was both good an bad. he didn't want to be coherent, he wanted to destroy Hidan... in a good way though. Or mostly good. The way he kept responding to being hurt, the sounds he was making, his heavy breaths, the expressions flashing across his face, he couldn't get enough, it was going to drive him over the edge. But they'd only just begun. He had years of abstinence to make up for here, and he knew his younger lover was enjoying the fuck out of it, protest as he might. The little masochist...

"You're fucking evil!" Hidan cried as he arched his body and clawed at the sheets. Kakuzu only grinned. "You have no idea." He replied, grabbing Hidan by the hips and shoving him forward away from the edge and himself. He snatched up the bottle Hidan had retrieved and emptied some onto his hands without even checking to see what it was. Then he crawled up half-way over Hidan, staring at him with mixed emotion, and forced his legs apart.

"Uhm... this might be a bad time to tell you-OH FUCK!"

One hand around the pale organ, the other one down beneath, cupping the sack with one finger inserted without warning into his hole.

"I know." He said, sneering. He didn't know for sure, but it was easy to assume Hidan had always played the man's role in any other relationships he'd had, despite the gender of the other. Kakuzu had been with only one other man, but Hashirama had been a good teacher, despite the fact that they'd both been heavily inebriated. He still remembered most of it, which was saying a lot, seeing as that had been twenty plus years ago. It wasn't hard to remember though, as it was the best sex he'd ever had.

At least until now.

He stroked Hidan's twitching cock with one hand, as he was ridiculously tensed now. Kakuzu was not what most people would consider a good teacher, never had been. He didn't have the patience for anyone who couldn't keep up with him or made him repeat himself. But at the moment he was an especially terrible teacher, as he was just barely hanging onto his self-control with Hidan's virgin ass clenched around his finger. He pushed it in further, his eyes focused completely on watching the delicious expression on the pale man's face.

Hidan squirmed, making noises somewhere between growls and whimpers, Kakuzu's groin burned. He pulled out, getting a sigh from Hidan, only to shove two fingers instead of one back into him. Hidan yelped and bucked, pushing them unintentionally deeper. Gritting his teeth and breathing in slowly and deeply to keep hold of himself, Kakuzu released the pale appendage and starting pumping his free hand, using his other one spread the younger man's legs further, doing his best to find that little bundle of nerves that would leave the man below him begging for more.

 

* * *

 

 _THIS_   _is what it feels like!? Who the fuck enjoys this shit!?_

It didn't even hurt that badly, really it only felt like he had to shit. It would have been better if it hurt, at least it would feel good.

He grit his teeth, doing his best to control the faces he knew he was making, the faces he knew Kakuzu was watching intently with that smug fucking smile. Okay... it felt a little good. Dammit, he wasn't exactly sure what it was he'd been expecting it to feel like, but it wasn't this.

That train of thought blew itself completely out of the water when Kakuzu gave a particularly hard thrust into him with his hand. And suddenly he was cast into a state of oblivion. Stars exploded behind his eyes, suddenly closed tightly. His ears rang with what he thought might be his own voice moaning, practically wailing, in ecstasy.

_Oh God, oh God, oh God._

That was good. Holy shit that was nice. Much closer to what had been expected. Hell, maybe even exceeding it.

His insides stretched as Kakuzu moved those damn fingers around inside him. He tried not to think about the actual action, but failed, finding himself only growing more excited when he did. He was probed, over and over again, not bothering to hold back his cries of pleasure when that sweet spot was prodded roughly over and over again. Spikes of pain ripped through him as his hole was stretched beyond what it ever had been before, bringing him closer and closer to the edge.

_Oh shit, he was going to..._

"Agh, fucking... FUCK!" He shouted, sensations filling him, about to burst, heat and pain and pleasure and heat. Like a tightly coiled spring condensing harder and harder, growing as it did, going to explode, to make him burst into a million pieces.  _Stop, please stop but OH GOD PLEASE DON'T!_

He gripped the fabric beneath him tightly, legs tensing, his body throbbing viciously with his heartbeat.  _Hold on, keep holding on, don't let go..._ He was going to die, it was too much, it was far too much but dear fucking Jesus he wanted more.

His breaths came in harsh rasps, in and out. Kakuzu's fingers moved quickly, in and out. He cried out again, he couldn't stop it, fuck, here it comes. No, dammit, It can't be over. His body seized, back arching completely up off the bed. There it is, Yes, yes and no. Fuck. Not yet but YES!

And then suddenly he was empty again, laying there breathing hard with the ecstasy suddenly gone, pulled from him. His eyes snapped open, glaring at a while ceiling for a minute before he jerked his head up to look at Kakuzu in disbelief.  _You bastard!_

 

* * *

 

he wanted to torture him, to make him beg for more, but it was too much. There would be more time later on, surely. He had a taste of it now and Hidan would not be going anywhere. He simply couldn't stand it any longer. The beast was back, insatiable and determined not to be contained.

Kakuzu slid off the bed and hurried to let his pants fall down. He grabbed Hidan by the ankles, giving him another sneer at the albino stared back at him as if he'd just brutally murdered someone right there in front of him for stopping when he did, eyes wide, breath audibly whooshing in and out of his lean body. He couldn't let the little masochist go just yet. He wasn't done after all. This was not some experiment, and he had his own carnal desires about to destroy him from inside out.

A little more of the lotion, or that what he was assuming it was, assaulting his nostrils with the scent of lavender as he smeared it directly onto Hidan, who flopped back down as soon as Kakuzu's hands latched onto him again. His own breathing quickened in anticipation as he fondled the man below him, teasing as best he could with the mere thread of sanity he held to.

 _Say it._  He thought in his own mind, licking his lips. Three fingers, he slipped just the tips inside the abused hole now, grinning at the loud hiss elicited from Hidan, gripping at the pale flesh of the inner thighs, digging his nails into it.

No more, he couldn't take any more. But he wanted to hear it. He pushed them all the way in, Hidan yelp-whimpered again, lifting his ass from the bed, pushing harder against him. he leaned down, holding his hand steady, his body weight against it. With a free hand he reached up and held Hidan's jaw, forcing those peony-pink eyes to meet his. His gut lurched again at the desperation in them.

"Say it." He said, out loud this time.

"Say Wha.. say  _what?"_ Hidan growled back through clenched teeth.

"Beg."

"Fuck you."

He thrust with his pelvis to push his fingers in deeper, stabbing at the younger man's prostate without remorse. Their mutually hardened members rubbed against each other. Hidan cried out and arched against him, whining out a string of swears. He pumped a few more times just for good measure.

"Say it." He demanded again.

"Augh, dammit.  _Please!"_

"More."

"Kakuzu you fucking asshole,  _Please just fucking FUCK ME ALREADY!"_  He shouted, managing somehow in his state to grab the elder man's wrist and force his and away.

With a victorious smirk he leaned back and pulled his hand free, using what was left on it to wet his own throbbing cock, and positioned it happily.

 

* * *

 

If he wasn't so fucking desperate he could murder that fucking bastard right now. If he wasn't afraid he just end up screwing him he'd just jump up and tackle him and strangle his arrogant fucking life away.

God but it was so... fucking  _sexy_. He was submitting, he knew, but at this point it didn't matter. Bringing him so close to the edge like that and just stopping, fucking sadist! and FUCK did he love it!

His breathe drew in sharp when he felt it against him. Kakuzu's dick. Oh fuck, there it was, pushing against his hole. He didn't get to see it, he couldn't tell the size at the moment. Fear suddenly zapped through him, making the desperation all the worse. He closed his eyes as the pressure increased, time slowed for a moment, wet, slippery skin against skin, body against body. Fire blazed inside his stomach, his heart felt like someone had shoved an hand through his chest and was squeezing it. Here it was, here it came. There it goes, inside, inside of him. Like they were one person.

It burned for all of two second, he heart himself moan loudly, unable to think of anything else but the feeling of being filled and how it hurt so fucking goddamn good. Kakuzu eased inside until Hidan felt his eyes might pop from his skull at the pressure. There was too much, he couldn't do this, he was going to burst into a fucking shower of human confetti. And then the Doctor stopped being nice. Then the world sparked brightly, the ceiling flashing a blinding white, and everything darkened to black.

The room disappeared, the bed disappeared, even Kakuzu disappeared. He was in the middle of some darkness sending wave after wave of pleasure through him in dizzying amounts. Forever he was in that place, years and years it felt like, building and building until he was absolutely sure he was going to just burst into a million pieces.

 _Better than all the drugs in all the world_ , he thought absently, gripping tightly to whatever the hell it was he was holding on to. He was in space, in outer-fucking space and if he let go he would fly away and be lost here forever. He was screaming, he thought, but he couldn't stop. If he stopped screaming he would die. His muscles all clenched so tightly that it hurt, and the pain only escalated everything.

Stars, then black, Stars, then black again as he was thrust into over and over, bodies pounding against each other. Deep groans filtered into the darkness around him, growls, animalistic snarls. He didn't know what it was, but he had to see, it was important, he knew, he had to open his eyes. But he couldn't, if he opened his eyes he would die, if he let go he would die.

And death was terrifying, it had always been, but now more than ever. Because he had something to live for now. It was...

His voice choked off in his throat when he forced his lids open, his eyes meeting the hungry stare of Kakuzu's. Again and again his vision wavered dangerously, speck of black danced across them, but now that they were open he didn't think he could ever close them again.

Harder, faster.

Kakuzu leaned down slightly, and mustering all his strength, Hidan managed to reach out and grab him. The pleasure stopped for a heartbeat and he manaed to pull himself up, push himself against the man, nails digging so hard into that tanned skin that they were soon slick with warm blood. He couldn't' see it but he knew that's what it was. The coil wound tighter inside of him, and without being able to stop himself he forced himself even closer to the man, winding his right arm further around his neck and freeing his left one, sliding an index finger into his mouth.

Pennies, it tasted like pennies. Blood, yes. That was blood, Kakuzu's blood, it was delicious, better still than the rolling waves of unbearable pleasure shooting through him. A loud moan ripped from him as the coil wound itself painfully tight. There it is, here it goes.

 

* * *

 

Sex was only supposed to be sex. Even if he did have these strange feelings for Hidan, even if he wanted the man to be his, this didn't feel like it should.

It was more, it was more than it should be. Sex was dirty and raw, it was nothing more than satiating desires. But when he opened his eyes, when those damned pink orbs locked onto his, something happened. He hesitated, Hidan's screaming ceased, he leaned down, he couldn't help himself.

and that little runt grabbed him, pulling himself close, his mouth coming to rest on his shoulder. He couldn't even feel the intense pain in his back as Hidan tore holes in his skin, it only felt like some pressure, though he somehow knew what was happening.

_"What does it take to live forever?"_

_"You're my god."_

_"Please..."_

Hidan shifted, and then moaned loudly, long and drawn out. Kakuzu's eyes clenched themselves shut, he thrust with abandon, as hard as he could. Shouts and pleas, and swears rang out from the man below him, and at the same time, he thought, they fell.

The cliff dropped out from under them, he was going with him, because Hidan didn't want to be alone, and Kakuzu didn't want him to be. Over the edge, a duel climax, he felt a warmth spurt onto his stomach, Hidan released the death grip on his neck and fell back into the covers.

He stared into his sleepy eyes for a second, breathing hard, still feeling like he might burst, but in a completely different way now. Without being able to stop himself, without even wanting to, He leaned down and pushed their mouths together, trying to force that pressure in his chest out.

Hidan's hands reached to cup his face, fingertips slick and stained red. He let him, he let the pale hands run down his jawline, wrap around the back of his head, pull him closer. It felt good, damn it all. But his lungs burned, and his body trembled, and with enormous effort he pulled away. He stayed there standing like that for a moment, watching Hidan pant below him, eyes fluttering shut only to snap back open ever few seconds.

This wasn't right. He should be satisfied, the affection should be gone. But it wasn't, in fact, it was even stronger... This isn't right.

He pulled himself out and turned around to sit on the edge of the bed beside him. His head fell down, eyes scanning the carpet, as if the answer lied somewhere in the maroon threads. Hidan sighed, Kakuzu blinked hard, and reached down to pull his pants back up to his knees, rising slowly from the bed. He refastened them around his waist, and sat back down.

"I need a cigarette..." Hidan said breathlessly. Kakuzu twisted to look at him. he had an arm thrown over his face, his lips parted slightly as his chest continued to rise and fall, no longer panting but not breathing normally just yet.

"And maybe a fucking beer..."

 

* * *

 

Kakuzu got up and left without a word a few moments after. Frantically, Hidan set up, staring at the doorway in confusion.

He just  _left_?

Thoughts flashed through his head too fast for him to comprehend, and he practically leaped off the bed, searching the room in a hurry to find his pants, struggling to put them back on, nearly falling over when he tried to start walking without having his right foot completely through the leg.

No, he couldn't do this to him. Hidan may be stupid, but he wasn't clueless. That was more than sex. Granted, it had obviously been sex, but it was more. Kakuzu couldn't just leave. Even if it was just the room. He rushed out with pants still unbuttoned, that would take too much time. He nearly ran past the bathroom, then stopped and backtracked, finding the Doctor sponging off his stomach. without thinking he jumped in behind him and wrapped his arms around the man, burying his face in his back.

Kakuzu tensed for a second, halting his motions, then relaxed. "What are you doing."

"I don't know." He said back honestly. What  _was_  he doing? Standing here hugging him with his muscles trembling, threatening to give out on him from the workout they'd just received. Suddenly he was exhausted beyond belief, but he did what he could to ignore it.

"Well stop it."

"No." He lifted his head off the man, greeting by 8 little half-moons of blood smeared on the back of his shoulders. He reached up and ran a finger over one of them, and Kakuzu flinched away and whirled around. "You're bleeding..." He said stupidly.

"Thanks to you."

Hidan grinned despite himself. "Technically it was your fault."

He received only a grunt in return before the elder man turned around and continued wiping himself down. Hidan watched him in the mirror, still desperately wanting a cigarette, but for some reason he wasn't sure of, unwilling to leave Kakuzu's side. He'd pulled his hair back into a ponytail again, Hidan stared at it in disappointment for a moment before their eyes met in the reflection. "You never told me why you're eyes are always red all the time."

"Because I have to deal with annoying brats like you constantly."

"Tch. You love me, admit it old man." He'd meant it only as teasing, but suddenly Kakuzu whirled. He was grabbed by the shoulders and pushed against the wall in the span of time it took to blink, and then he was staring, shocked, into a pair of glaring Christmas-colored eyes.

 

* * *

 

_You love me, admit it._

That stuck something in him, sent an icy pang of fear through his chest. Without knowing what he was doing, he suddenly had Hidan pinned against the wall.

It was still there, that feeling, wanting Hidan, almost  _needing_  him. It wasn't gone, even though it should be. This asinine little crush should be over with now, he should be able to get back to his life. The craving had been satisfied, but it still lingered.

 _What more do you want from me?_  He didn't know who he was talking to, anyone who would answer, he supposed. His head told him to make Hidan leave, to cut this damn connection, it had gone too far already. It should be over, it should be easy. But it wasn't. He couldn't tell him to leave, because he didn't want him to.

He was far too old for this. Hidan was far too young.

_"Follow you arrow... You're definitely pointed to each other."_

He didn't want it to be more, but it was. This isn't fair, this really isn't fair.

Hidan swallowed heavily, pigment-less eyes flicking back and forth between Kakuzu's. He stared back, frustration building up and up until, at a lack of anything else to do, he leaned forward and kissed him. He didn't think he could say it out loud, he didn't think he could even say it in his head. But there was time. There was still time... As long as Hidan was here. As long as he stayed.

There was time...

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random fact; Still can't even read this chapter in full, such a prude am I.  
> Despite being the one who wrote it.


	23. Chapter 23

"Do you ever remember the most random shit at the most random times?"

Hidan was again sprawled over the couch at his house, his head dangling off the edge of the cushion, feet bobbing in the air, propped over the back of the couch at the diagonal corner. Itachi stopped in his current act of washing the dishes, eyeing his roommate between the floating cabinets. He had one hand up in the air, fingers splayed, as if he were reaching for something invisible just above him.

"Sometimes. Why?"

Hidan's hand flopped backward, narrowly missing hitting his knuckles on the coffee table. "It pisses me off sometimes. It's like, I have all these random unimportant memories floating round in my fucking head, I can't find the ones I fucking want. Like a fucked up filing cabinet."

Itachi paused again, one brow raising in suspicion. Hidan had been acting strange since last weekend, awfully speculative and calm. The Uchiha caught him smiling softly sometimes for absolutely no reason, sometimes he would burst out laughing at something that wasn't even particularly funny, and the biggest phenomenon was the fact that he hadn't teased Itachi about he and Kisame's sex life even once since he'd come back home Sunday morning.

Or perhaps that wasn't the most noticeable change, though it certainly came second. Now that he actually stopped to consider it, Hidan had not complained about his boss either, not even once, not even when he'd called Itachi out of the blue earlier today to ask him if he could bring him another shirt because he'd spilled cleaner all over the one he was wearing. Not about work  _or_  about whatever kind of complicated relationship the two were developing. And it was that exact lack of complaining that made him assume that things were going well between them, and made him smile softly to himself as he scrubbed some old baked cheese off the dish he made lasagna in two days ago.

"What memories are you  _randomly_  remembering?" He finally questioned, though it was drowned out by Hidan's loud and slightly agitated voice when the albino began speaking at the same time.

"Do you think it's possible to live too much in the present?" He lifted his hand up again when he spoke, this time his palm facing down toward his face, wriggling his fingers ever-so-slightly. He either didn't hear Itachi's question or was choosing to ignore it.

The slightly younger man blinked slowly, withholding a sigh. The man may be more thoughtful than normal, but he was twice as distracted and distant. Hidan had always had a sort of tunnel vision, only one thought could occupy his head at a time, but honestly the Uchiha had never seen him quite in this state before. Whatever it was that was bogging down his thoughts, it was incredibly important.

"Of course it is. Just like being too caught up in the past or plans for the future." He replied, not pursuing their earlier subject. To his surprise and pleasure though, the subject was brought back around when Hidan replied again.

"Maybe that's my problem... Maybe that's why my memory sucks... I'm too caught up in what's happening right at this exact moment, I can't pay attention to anything else. Or maybe it's the fucking opposite, I'm always focusing on what's going to happen next, waiting for it, or fearing it, I can't pay attention to what's happening at the moment. That one makes more sense... Would that count as living in the future or present?"

"It depends on how  _you_  perceive it, Hidan." Itachi replied calmly, while his brain sizzled and sparked as he tried to put these cryptic pieces of some puzzle together.

"It is huh? It's always about perception. But still, that doesn't make my fucking memory any better... I keep trying to remember... Uh.. what I did last weekend. All I can think of was how awesome that lasagna tasted, and that it reminds me of my first day at High school here in town. That's what we had, you remember?"

"Of course I remember, you stood up on the table, proclaimed the food to be inedible, and started a food fight."

"Got two days of in-school-suspension, then when I finally got out three stupid fuckers ganged up on me and gave me a swirly..."

"And you came to Graphic design sopping wet. Mrs. Blehm tried to tell you to go to the office and call your parents until you loudly informed everyone that you didn't have parents. Then she made you paint with watercolors until you dried so you wouldn't harm the computers. You made a very loud entrance... It's difficult to  _forget_  your first day."

"See, that's what I'm talking about though..." Hidan said sadly, finally letting his body flop sideways and pushing himself into a normal sitting position. "Why can I remember something that happened a million fucking years ago with God-even-knows how much drug and alcohol abuse occurring in between with fucking precise clarity, but I only have some sort of foggy fucking recollection of something that happened only 5 fucking days ago?"

Itachi finally set the dishes down, curiosity beginning to eat almost painfully at him. He wiped his hands on a hand towel before slipping quickly into the living room while still trying to appear neutral. "What is it that you're trying to hard to remember with precise clarity, Hidan?"

"Nothing." Came the far too quick reply.

Itachi's face twisted in suspicion. "I thought you said nothing of interest happened last weekend. That you went to the park and played guitar for a bit and then it started to rain so you came home."

"Yes. That.. is what happened."

Itachi sighed, crossing his arms and cocking his hip. "Hidan I don't know if you've ever realized this but you're the worst liar I've ever met."

Hidan suddenly sprung from the couch, fists clenched. "Fuck you! I'm a bad ass liar! You still haven't figured out that it was me who accidentally dumped out all your expensive shampoo in the shower a month ago."

"First of all, I knew it was you, no one else has stepped foot in this apartment in almost four months. I just didn't have the energy to force you to tell me the truth at the moment. Second of all, you just told me it was you."

"Well... you... What about your prissy fucking bathrobe that inexplicably turned pink!?"

"Again, I knew it was you. I didn't harass you for it because I chose to focus on the fact that you were attempting to do me a favor by washing my laundry for me." He said, pinching the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath, continuing on before Hidan launched himself into a fit of misplaced anger at finding out he'd been 'deceived' in his acts of deception. "What exactly did you do this weekend? You've been acting strange, your mind is obviously somewhere else, I'm only curious. It's not as if I'm going to berate you for whatever it was, unless you defaced public property again..."

Hidan rolled his eyes and groaned dramatically, turning away. "I'm not  _always_  in fucking trouble,  _mommy._  Nothing happened. Nothing that's any of your business. I'm not going to tell you, so fuck off."

So something  _did_ happen. Itachi raised a brow again, the pieces taking a step closer together in his head. Hidan was  _embarrassed_. Something  _embarrassing_  had happened to him last weekend... Something he didn't want to share even with Itachi.

The memory of Kakuzu appearing mysteriously at the coffee shop suddenly invaded his head, making him blink in confusion for a moment.  _'Do you ever remember the most random shit at the most random times?'_  He did, right now, in fact, though it wasn't all that random. It was something he'd found incredibly strange that also occurred last weekend. At the time he'd thought it strange that Dr. Hoku would happen to show up at the new coffee house in town, especially directly after someone had had the gall to throw their piping-hot coffee all over Kisame.

The whole week after the party, Hidan had been obsessively listening to old 80's music, claiming that he was trying to 'decode that stubborn old fuck' whenever Itachi asked him. Then Kakuzu mentioned that Hidan 'Seemed to think he had certain liberties now that he didn't have before'. Immediately the image of Kakuzu bent of the counter with Hidan beneath him flashed through his mind, and it had taken every ounce of strength he had not to burst out laughing. Then they'd gone on to hold a conversation that centered around Hidan, and then at the end of it the doctor had actually asked what his employee was doing out of the blue.

"-Rather admit to every stupid little prank and apologize for every rude thing I'd ever said to you than ever tell you. So just get it out of your fucking head, 'cuz I'm not going to tell you, 'Tachi." Hidan was saying when Itachi blinked himself back to reality and smiled.

"Something happened with Dr. Hoku, didn't it?" He said, smile only growing further when Hidan froze like a deer in headlights and sputtered out a weak 'n-no!' Of course that was it, why else would he seem so irritably content with everything? Why else would he smile or laugh for no reason? The Uchiha almost wanted to slap himself, what with how obvious it should have been from the get-go.

"Did I tell you I ran into him at the coffee shop on Saturday? He was incredibly curious about you, I thought it was kind of strange at the time, but I never expected anything to come of it, you two are so damn stubborn."

"Nothing happened Uchiha! Fuck off!" Hidan shouted, storming past him and rushing to his room. Itachi chuckled and followed him, pouncing on him in a Hidan-like fashion after bursting through his door half a step behind him, not even caring how uncharacteristic it was in his excitement. Something had happened, something incredibly significant, and he had to find out what it was. He had to find out if he could finally wash his hands of this mess known as the 'KakuHida' project, Named teasingly at first by Kisame, until the name had stuck. Technically speaking, he had pretty much left things where they were after the party, thinking that was the farthest the two would go for quite awhile. But something had happened that Saturday, and Itachi was not a stupid man, he could make plenty of assumptions, but he wanted to know for sure.

Besides, it was time to turn the tables on the relentless teasing over Itachi's sex life for once.

"Get the fuck off me fucker!" Hidan shouted, trying in vain to throw his best friend off him.

"Tell me what happened!"

"Nothing happened!"

"If nothing happened then why are you so upset that you can't remember it?"

"When I say nothing happened I don't mean 'nothing happened' you fucking idiot. I mean I'm not going to fucking tell you."

"What did you and Doctor Hoku do!?"

"Why the fuck are you so fucking curious!?"

"Because you won't tell me."

"Oh my GOD!" He shouted, giving one final heave that successfully detached the smaller man from his back and threw him to the mattress. "We went out for coffee! For fuck's sake, mind your own goddamn business!"

"You're lying again." Itachi said, scrambling to sit in a more dignified position and smoothing the rumples from his clothes, still fighting giddy laughter.

"How the fuck do you figure that?"

"Did you not hear me earlier? I ran into him at the new coffee shop in town. He complained about the prices and said, I quote; 'I came for coffee, but it seems all I paid for was a cup of shit.' He'd never spend more money on another cup, I don't even know him that well and I'm sure of that much."

Hidan rolled his eyes. "You still can't cuss, for one. And we went to his goddamn house..."

Itachi's eyes fell wide. His suspicions were ringing more and more true. "He invited you to his house...?"

Hidan's face tinted, and he averted his eyes. "Nothing happened. Get out of my room."

"I don't understand why you keep lying even though You and I both know that I know what you did last weekend."

"If you know then quit fucking interrogating me!"

"Not until you confirm my theory. And you  _know_ I want details."

"I'M NOT GIVING YOU FUCKING DETAILS YOU FUCKING PERVE!"

"Oh my God Hida, you  _DID_  have sex with him!"

"NOO!"

"Oh my God that's ... scandalous, Hida."

"If you're gonna be gay about it I swear I'll move out."

"Did you have to get him drunk?"

"What? No! I'm not some predatory fucking rapist you goddamn woman!"

"What!? I had to get you both drunk out of your minds just to make you kiss and you're telling me you had sex while completely sober?"

Hidan grabbed both sides of his head, fists clenching at his silver, choppy hair still gelled back from work. He said nothing for a minute, only snarled at himself, and when his hands fell away his hair stuck out in a way that made Itachi fight to contain his laughter. "I..Can't really remember. Just as something that  _happened,_ I.. fuck. I don't know..."

 

* * *

 

_"What's the opposite of a cradle robber?"_

_Kakuzu hesitated in the act of turning around with a fresh new mug of piping-hot coffee. He'd forgotten Hidan was here for a second, damn, he was so tired now. His body felt... ridiculously light, clean, like some sort of toxin he'd been holding in for as long as he could remember was gone now. Damn it, damn all of it. Why was he still here?_

_"A grave-robber? Hah, I'm a grave-robber!"_

_He started back into the living room again, Hidan was flopped across the couch, his head dangling off the edge of the cushion, feet bobbing in the air, propped over the back of the couch at the diagonal hands rested on his chest, eyes closed with a soft smile stretching his lips._

_"Are you suggesting that I'm a cradle robber?" He finally replied, coming to stand to the side, taking a sip of coffee and pretending to be interested in the weather channel still flickering out over in the corner of the room. He couldn't bring himself to look at the limp body that looked as if it had been thrown onto his couch. Or maybe it was more the fact that he feared he wouldn't be able to look away once he did._

_"If the fucking shoe fits... I'm surprised you know the term though, old man."_

_Kakuzu only gave a drawn-out grunt in return. It wasn't as if it weren't true, Hidan was... quite literally half his age. God, what was he doing? What had he already done? Did that really just happen? Was this really happening now? And furthermore, what came next? How would Hidan act, especially at work? How was this going to be kept a secret. Kakuzu did not like lying, it offered nothing but stress, stress of constantly lingering on the possible outcome of getting caught. Like clinging to the edge of a building so he wouldn't fall, if he brushed it off for even one second, he would hit the ground and it was over..._

_"It's actually kind of fucking hilarious. I used to try and convince myself that your age made you gross... Like 'Ugh, he's so_ ooold _.' But now... it's more like 'Mmm, an older man.' Does that make me classy? Am I at least a classy grave-robber?"_

 _Kakuzu finally couldn't resist sending him an incredulous stare. What the bloody hell was he rambling about? Is that supposed to be some kind of compliment? Or did what little bit of brains he had get pounded into a pile of goo and he simply couldn't contain his idiotic thoughts in his head any longer? "There is_ nothing _classy about you, Hidan."_

_"Shit. What good is being a whore if you can't be fucking classy about it?"_

_"What the hell are you on about, you bloody idiot?"_

_Hidan flailed suddenly, somehow managing to twist his body like a damned cat and plant his feet on the floor, leaning over his knees and crossing his arms over his face. "Fuuuck, I don't knoooowww..." He moaned loudly, then took in and let out a heavy breath, mumbling much quieter. "Stupid brain's being stupid..."_

_Kakuzu stared for a moment, a sinking feeling in his gut as he debated on whether to do something or not. And if he were to do something, what the hell it would be that he did? A whore? Where the hell was that coming from? "If you're about to tell me that you're secretly a male prostitute I should inform you that I'm allowed to kill you when you're in my house. I only have to make it look like a breaking and entering."_

_Hidan looked up, his expression mirroring what the elder man's had been only a moment ago. "Are you calling me a fucking whore?"_

_Kakuzu blinked. Dear fucking Benjamin, what the hell was going on here?_

_Hidan's face relaxed into a smile and he chuckled. "I'm just kidding... don't listen to me for like.. an hour, okay? I'm not going to make any sense."_

_"Why is that?"_

_"Eh, I think I'm having some stupid mental disorder attack or something. I can't think straight, I'm resisting the urge to scream and break things, look." He held out his hands, which were shaking in a way that suddenly reminded Kakuzu of Hidan's history of drug use. He blinked the thought away and sighed heavily. Great, of course he was going to have one of these stupid attacks, as if what had just happened wasn't humiliating enough._

_What the hell was he supposed to do? Normally he'd just be an ass, wait for it to pass and then berate the little idiot for throwing his hissy fit. That's what he'd done last time this had happened, on Hidan's very first day at the clinic. This was different though, he wasn't shouting and swearing and going off on some tangent. He was just sitting there, breathing steady, deep breaths in and out, staring at the table, wringing his hands. He couldn't just sit there and wait for it to pass, maybe he should insult him? Piss him off? Give him something to actually freak out about..._

_"If you break my things, I will break your fingers."_

_"No shit, you materialistic bastard."_

_He ground his teeth, forcing his jaw apart to take another drink of coffee before rolling his eyes and setting the cup onto the table, then seating himself next to the troubled man. What would that Uchiha boy do in this situation? Well... that was obvious. He's swoon and coddle him like the child he was behaving like. Kakuzu wouldn't do that, but maybe he could do_ something.  _Because Hidan didn't like being alone, even though the doctor was still in the room with him, he couldn't just leave him alone... If that even made sense... God what the hell was he being reduced to?!_

_"What is it that you're trying to think 'straight' about?" He forced out._

_"I don't know..." Hidan replied immediately._

_"How do you not know what you're thinking about?"_

_"I don't know! That's the whole point of being fucked up in the head. You can't control your thoughts!"_

_"Are you even trying!?"_

_"OF course I'm fucking trying you son of a bitch! God just shut up you're making it worse!"_

_"Watch your tone boy, I'm only trying to help."_

_"Well you're doing a fucking shit job. And don't fucking call me 'boy'."_

_"I'd be happy to kick you out of my home if you're going to continue being an insufferable moron."_

_"GOOD! Fuck! What the fuck was I thinking!? I fucking_ hate _you! Of course this would never fucking work!" Hidan shot to his feet, voice rising as he waved his hands around in his ranting._

 _Anger rushed into Kakuzu, and he pushed to his feet as well._ You hate me? _You insolent little shit. How could he say that, acting the way he did, practically forcing himself on him. Don't you turn this around on me, Hidan San. You're the one who started all this._ You  **hate**  me?  _You have no right to hate me, this is your fault, all of it, stupid broken little moron. Act like a fucking adult and maybe this_ would  _work-_

_He stopped himself there, just as he was about to let the little idiot have it. 'Of course this would never fucking work!'_

_He'd come rushing into the bathroom after him when he'd gotten up and left without a word. Kakuzu had seen the minor panic of his face for half a second as he rushed past the bathroom, then backtracked. Without hesitation he'd wrapped his arms around the elder man, pushing into him, squeezing, burying his face in his back despite the dampness of his skin from the perspiration. 'What are you doing?' Kakuzu had asked. 'I don't know.' Hidan had replied._

_That's what he was afraid of, that's what was bringing on this fit. He was thinking the same thing Kakuzu was, but in different context. Instead of_ What happens now? _it was as if they'd reached the end of the road. The deed had been done, there was no more_ What now?  _Only parting. That was what the whore comment had been about. Hidan thought the doctor was going to dump him and wash his hands of it..._

_Suddenly he felt this weird sensation in his chest, a sudden pang of... what is that? Is that remorse? Is that guilt?_

_That's what he'd_ wanted _to do. To just do it, get it over with, and end this charade. Put this troublesome situation behind him. That's all he'd wanted. To just end it, stop existing in this uncomfortable plane, stop fighting this confusing internal war. He'd done it, they'd both done it, and yet it was still there. The problem was not going away. But that was the difference between them, Hidan didn't want it to go away. Hidan had nothing else to keep him stable. Kakuzu had nothing but stability, except for Hidan._

_The fleeting thought that this relationship was somewhat parasitic flitted through his head before he suddenly realized Hidan was right in front of him, his forehead resting on the taller man's chest. He tipped his head to look down at him, Hidan was absolutely still, leaning slightly against him._

_"I did it again..." He mumbled. "I need rehab. I can't get rid of this addiction. Fucking self-destructive tendencies. That's what 'Tachi would call them..."_

_He stared down at him, confused, but not confused._

_"I always do this shit that I know is going to fucking hurt in the end. I know it's going to, I know it's bad for me. But I do it anyway..."_

_That's right, after the anger and frustration passes, the self-loathing and depression sets in. And Hidan gives up. Just like that very first day. He gives up and walks away._

_Another jolt of pain, right there in his chest. What was this one? Fear? Is that what fear is?_

_He didn't realize he was doing it until it was done, his hand moved up to rest on the back of Hidan's head, smoothing through his hair. It was so soft when it wasn't done up with gel..._

_This isn't right. It should be gone, but it wasn't. It was stronger, still there, even more-so than before. He hadn't let Hidan leave that day, and that was when he hadn't even liked him. He couldn't stand him then, and he couldn't let him leave. How could he do it now? How could that brat even think..._

"Are you good for me Kakuzu?"

_No. I'm not. And you're not good for me either._

"That's good. And bad. But mostly good. So you can come with me?"

_Yes. Yes I can. And I will. We can go together. As long as you get away from that cliff..._

 

.

 

He woke up with a start, his body jolting like some natural reflex, as if he was about to fall and his subconscious yanked him away from whatever edge he was about to topple over. He stared at the ceiling for a few moments, just breathing, blinking again and again. Then he sat up.

A quick glance at the clock had him stepping through the lingering sleep and back into reality. Then he was glaring at it. Ten minutes until three a.m. Ten minutes before the alarm would go off. Ten minutes until he began his day, same as always. Get up, shower, get dressed, go to work. Meet patients, make money, deal with that annoying employee of his.

Hidan...

It took a few seconds before he realized he was smiling. Why was he smiling? What the hell? He didn't smile, he was Kakuzu Hoku. Resident asshole of this shit little town. He kept smirking though, he couldn't force it away until he made it to the bathroom and glared himself into submission in the mirror. That bloody little pest. Throwing that stupid fit and bouncing right back. He'd been damn close to tearing the little pests head off several times this week. That idiot refused to behave himself, no matter how Kakuzu punished him for his insolence. And the stunt he'd pulled yesterday... no. He didn't even want to think about it. It was far too early to be so angry...

It was Friday again. Another weekend was glaring him in the face, offering its usual challenge.  _How will you get through this one?_ And as usual, he ignored it. He had a full day of work ahead of him before he had to decide that. The real challenge wouldn't come until tomorrow when he once again found himself bored out of his mind with nothing to do. It was different this time though, it wasn't so much a question of what he would do, but  _how_  he would do it, how it would happen.

Because something always happened. Something stupid, but something.

Thus was the burden of developing affections for someone pronounced halfway insane. Unpredictability. And he was slightly bothered by how  _un-_ bothered he was by that. Hidan's ridiculous behavior had always pissed him off, and it still did, but now it was a different kind of anger. Mainly because every damn time he got angry enough to physically harm the little idiot, he ended up wanting to do other things to him. Damn that little masochist, annoying little gnat. Today would be different, surely, after the fight they'd had yesterday.

 

.

 

Hidan was already at the clinic before he arrived, he knew before he even pulled up, as the lights to the lobby shone out through the windows when he drove past, casting dull yellow rectangles on the sidewalk in front of them.

He'd already made coffee too, he noted as he shut the door behind him and was assaulted by the smell of the brewing beverage. With a secret deep inhale of it, he made his way to his office, not noticing the person sitting in his chair behind his desk until he'd set the briefcase down on top of it.

"'Morning Boss." Hidan said, giving him that damn mischievous smile.

Kakuzu stared blankly for a moment before whooshing out a sigh. Well, so much for today being different. Apparently he hadn't pounded the message into that empty little head well enough yesterday. Four a.m. and he was already up to something... "What are you doing?"

 

 

* * *

 

 

It was obvious what had changed between them in the following week. Yet at the same time he still couldn't quite place his finger on it. Kakuzu was a man set in his ways, Hidan knew that. He was a stubborn old bastard, and nothing irritated him more than disrupting those set ways. And that's why he continuously found himself unable to resist doing just that.

"Just having some coffee." He replied, grinning. His boss had been showing more emotion ever since that embarrassing little fling they'd had on Saturday. Granted, it was always irritation and anger, but it pleased the the albino to no end to see anything other than stoic indifference on the old misers face, knowing full well that he was the only one who could bring it out in him.

He just couldn't leave him alone, in all honesty. Whether they were fighting or arguing or fucking, any interaction with the stubborn miser always lifted his spirits, even when he was so frustrated and angry that he wanted to punch a damn hole in the wall. For whatever reason, he'd thought for sure Kakuzu would be done with him after that weekend. It was an amazing experience, fuck, he got excited just thinking about it, even though he couldn't remember certain portions of it with much clarity. But what had settled with him the most was what happened after. Kakuzu hadn't made him leave, he'd stood there and let him have his little fit, just like that very first day when he'd started on this job. And afterwards, he'd kept him there. The old man didn't  _want_  him to leave, he wasn't rejecting him. He let him stay there, leaning on him, knowing full well what kind of mess he was getting himself into.

It wasn't just some fling. It wasn't just some crush. It was something that was going to last. It was something real. Something tangible. Kakuzu wasn't going to leave him, he was going to be his God, his solace, his reason to  _want_ to be alive. Not a drug that slowly killed him.

"Why are you in my office?" Kakuzu said, still standing in the same place. "I believe I made it clear on your first day that you weren't to be in here unless supervised."

He only smiled back at the weary look he was receiving. Doctor Hoku, Kuzu.  _His_  Kuzu."I know. I'm such a rebellious little shit, huh?"

"Get out of my chair."

He just wanted him, even though he already had him. All the time, in a deeper way that just sex. To be near him, hear his voice, even if it was yelling. To feel his touch, even if it was rough. "Just makes you want to wring my neck huh?"

"Hidan. Move."

What else could he do but provoke the man? He'd already accepted that he basically had to do all the work in this twisted little relationship. Kakuzu was too refined to ever make any moves. He could probably tone it down from time to time, yes, but that was boring. And if there was anything Kakuzu didn't need to be, it was boring, he was more than enough of that already. And as he'd come to find out, the old bastard had a hard time controlling himself when Hidan forced himself on him. "Or throw me across your desk and have your way with me."

Kakuzu spun with a growl and left the room. Hidan grinned to himself and took another sip of the cheap coffee in a cheap Styrofoam cup.

 

.

 

Monday had been relatively normal, he had actually been little nervous, returning to work to face the man he'd yet again embarrassed himself in front of. He'd tried to mind his manners, honestly. But it was irritating, going on like nothing had changed. Maybe this little dance they'd had before had been acceptable, before all this had happened, but it wasn't anymore. And more than that, he didn't  _want_  to accept it. He never wanted to go through that bullshit again, purposely acting like an idiot just for the sake of avoiding a topic that was uncomfortable for the old man. Not after that weekend, not after Kakuzu had been the one to make the move, not after what they'd done.

The fact of the matter was, they wanted each other. Just because Kakuzu thought it was inappropriate didn't change that. There would be no more pretending, at least not on Hidan's part, at least not when they were alone. To just act like nothing was going on was a lie, to not make his desires clear was a lie. Hidan hated lying, and Kakuzu hated being lied to. So this was obviously the only course of action, whether that codger liked it or not.

Which is why he'd given up his resolve to be 'good' when he returned on Tuesday. That was why, during their lunch break, he'd come into Kakuzu's office, scooped up all his paperwork and set it to the side, ignoring the man's angry protests and insults, and climbed across his desk and kissed the shit out of him. The Doctor had barely resisted.

On Wednesday he'd followed the man secretly as he went to the bathroom, standing just outside the door with his body tensed until it opened, then he'd lunged at the man like a jungle cat attacking it's prey. He'd been heavily insulted and berated after Kakuzu finally came to his senses and managed to shove him off nearly half an hour later.

Thursday had been a little bit overboard, he thought now in retrospect. He was cleaning the examination room after a client left, another one wasn't scheduled for nearly an hour.

_Returning the sanitizing wipes under the sink, his eyes landed on a bottle of Window cleaner. Kakuzu used that on metallic surfaces like the sink or the tray he kept his doctoring instruments on so there wouldn't be 'unsightly smears'. It was blue, and smelled like pure cat piss. Hidan hated using it because the stench always lingered on his hands even after washing them repeatedly. Once he'd gotten some of it on a white button-down he was wearing and had had a blue stain on his shirt for the rest of the day on his chest, as if he were lactating blue cat piss._

_After staring at it for a few heartbeats, he snatched it up, then grabbed a paper-towel from the dispenser. He stepped over the the examination table, unscrewed the top, and poured the entire thing out making sure to splash a good portion of it onto himself, then dropped the body while still holding the spray-trigger in his hands, letting out a loud swear._

_On cue, Kakuzu came to investigate, his nose wrinkling in disgust as the smell of ammonia tainted the air. He stared emotionless at the mess for a moment before meeting Hidan's eyes, set in a fake glare._

_"The goddamn top came off."_

_Kakuzu didn't reply immediately, his eyes flicked to the nozzle in Hidan's hand, then to the table, and then to the floor where the liquid had poured down onto. Then he reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes and sighing. "Clean it up."_

_Hidan grinned and saluted him. And then quickly stripped off his shirt and tossed it down into the puddle._

_"What the hell are you doing!?" Kakuzu barked._

_"Cleaning it up. The shirt is already fucked, and I'm not gonna fucking sit there and smell like piss for the rest of the day."_

_"You really have no intelligence at all do you?" Kakuzu snarled, stomping over to the paper towel dispenser and pulling a key from his pocket. After unlocking it and pulling out the whole roll and shoving it into Hidan's hands, he hesitated. Hidan didn't even try to conceal his grin as those Christmas-colored eyes flicked over his bare upper-body. "If you think you're going to finish the day at all without a shirt, you're an idiot."_

_"What? Just give me your freaking fancy lab coat! It'll be fine."_

_"No. You're going home. I've had enough of your incompetence."_

_"You can't make me leave."_

_"I most certainly can. I may not be able to fire you but I can certainly expel you from the building on the grounds of indecency."_

_"You'll have to pick me up and fucking throw me out then."_

_"That can be arranged. Clean up this damned mess. And get rid of that stench. Then go home."_

_"No."_

_"Don't be a damned child. I won't let my clients see you like that."_

_"So gimme your coat!" Hidan said, stepping over to him and attempting to yank it from the man's shoulders. His wrist was seized and squeezed painfully half a second before he was shoved against the wall._

_"If this is another one of your seduction attempts, I'm going to kill you." Kakuzu snarled, crushing the pale man against the wall with his own body. Hidan brought his other hand up to attempt to shove him away, and it was also grabbed by his boss and slammed into the drywall along with his other. "I've put up with it until now, but I won't be tolerating this kind of idiocy. You are threatening the reputation of my business, and I won't have it."_

_"Why the fuck would I spill that nasty shit all over myself on purpose? You the fucking one who won't just give me your damn coat." Hidan half-shouted back. It took all of his power to not laugh victoriously. He couldn't do that yet, because he hadn't won._

_"You think I'd be so stupid as to let my clients see you wearing my_ clothes? _You're dumber than you look. Get out of my building." He said back, growling so low that it was almost a hum. He didn't move though, only pressed harder into Hidan, squeezing the air from his lungs and keeping him from provoking the man any further._

In the end, Kakuzu hadn't given in. They'd stayed there like that for a minute or two, Hidan glaring defiantly up at him. Kakuzu liked it when he fought back, at least he did normally. He probably did go a little bit overboard, as he admitted to himself later, after the elder man had stepped back, pulled Hidan slightly off the wall and shoved him back into it before storming away. He hadn't ended up having to leave, as they still had quite awhile before another client came, giving him the time to call Itachi and have him bring another shirt.

He kind of fucked himself over, as he had to walk around the rest of the day with his skin all itchy where the chemicals had soaked through his shirt. And there was the smell too. Fuck, stupid impulsive brain...

But, it was a learning experience. On his mental checklist he had this far learned; Crawling across Kakuzu's desk worked. Ambushing him in the bathroom worked. Pouring window cleaner all over himself, NO.

The chat with Itachi had unfortunately helped too. He hadn't wanted to tell him, and he still hadn't really. But with the little bit of information he gave the Uchiha, the man had somewhat set him straight. Like he always did. Of course he hadn't told him about his stupid little 'seduction attempts' throughout the week, or honestly really anything at all. But his roommate had assured him that he didn't need to worry about being able to remember all the details, because after all, they were finally together. And there was still time...

So, today would be different. At least he knew where the boundary was for his admittedly childish games with the old man. And besides, it was Friday. Which meant tomorrow was Saturday. Which meant Kakuzu wasn't working, and neither was Hidan. Which meant...

"Sooo..." He drawled after strolling into the man's office and plopping down in the chair across from him. It was just after two in the afternoon, the next patient wasn't scheduled until 3:30, and he'd been patient long enough.

Kakuzu only glanced up at him for a moment before returning to whatever paperwork he was busying himself with. "No."

Hidan paused in confusion for a moment. "What?"

"The answer to whatever you're about to ask is no."

"But I was going to ask what you're doing tomorrow."

"No."

"That doesn't make any fucking sense!"

Kakuzu suddenly slapped his pen down on the desk and massaged his eyes. "After putting up with your nonsense all week, the  _last_  thing I want to do on my day off is look at your ridiculous face and hear your insufferable voice. The answer is no."

"But-"

"No."

Hidan's face twisted in anger and he stomped his feet onto the floor. "I'm not your goddamn kid asking for permission to go to the fucking movies here you wrinkly sack of shit!"

"You know I hate repeating myself, Hidan. If you wish to be treated like an adult then you should act like one."

Hidan huffed and flopped back in the chair, crossing his arms. Kakuzu stared at him for a second in mild disbelief before rolling his eyes and picking up his pen again.

"Well maybe I'll just show up at your house without permission then. I know where you live now."

"Doesn't mean I'll answer the door."

"Tch. Why the fuck are you always resisting?"

"Because you're always pushing."

"Well maybe if you'd get the goddamn stick out of your ass-" He was cut off by the sound of the bell going off at the front door. His eyes met Kakuzu's unreadable gaze for a second before he glanced up at the clock in confusion. The next patient couldn't be here already. With a groan, he pushed himself out of the chair, whirling to point and glare at the older man, who continued regarding him expressionlessly. "This isn't over, fucker." He swore, before turning to half-jog up to the lobby.

He just went straight into the waiting room instead of detouring through the examination room, words of greeting already on his lips before he stopped short, a brow raising in interest.

"Oh hey Kid. I forgot you work here..." His neighbor said after turning calmly from the desk where Hidan should have been sitting. The first thought that went through the albino's mind was that the man looked like absolute shit. He was ridiculously pale, with giant bags under his eyes, shoulders slouched in a posture that radiated exhaustion.

"Yeah... What's up?" He said, hoping Kakuzu wasn't listening to that unprofessional greeting. The second thing that went through his mind was the question of why he was here. From what Kakuzu had mentioned awhile ago, his girlfriend dropped Dr. Hoku because of some stupid disagreement they'd had about her pregnancy or some stupid shit. But directly following that was the repeat of the fact that he looked like shit, which was probably why he was here.

"Well I just wanted to see if Dr. Hoku accepts walk-ins, and if not I guess I should probably make an appointment."

"Uh.." It was strange not seeing the guy being as full of energy as he usually was. Well, not really energy, he was never a hyper sort of man, but he always had  _some_  sort of emotion in his voice. Right now he sounded like he was about to keel over and die. "Well no, he usually doesn't. But uh.. let me go talk to him. He might have time."

"Thanks kid, that'd be great. Kurenai would break my balls if she found out I came here."

Hidan's face twisted. "What the fuck is her problem anyway? Kaku-er.. Dr. Hoku doesn't like her either. He's never done shit to her."

Asuma gave him an amused look before chuckling lightly. "She's just... well. I don't really know anymore kid, to be honest. But as for the doctor, she said she refused to come here anymore because he hired  _you."_

"What?"

"Oh yeah, Good God she went on about it for days. She ran into your boss back after that big snowstorm, musta been visiting or something. From her side of the story she makes it sound like he verbally attacked her for no reason. I'm sure she brought it on herself though. She said she didn't like the fact that you were working here, and yaddayadda, he told her to mind her own business." He said, stretching his back and then reaching up to rub his right eye. "I don't have anything against him though, and I'd rather just get a checkup here than have to drive half an hour for a ten minute checkup."

Hidan blinked in stunned silence. Thoughts racing too fast to comprehend. He shook his head and held out his hand. "Wait a fucking second here. She stopped coming here because of  _me?_ "

Asuma nodded. "More or less. Dr. Hoku came to your defense, I guess she thought that was unacceptable. Can you.. uh.." He said, gesturing with a nod toward the hall, swaying in place.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry..." He mumbled before turning and walking on autopilot back to Kakuzu's office.

After the snowstorm... That was the night he'd finally realized he liked the miser. Kakuzu must have ran into her when he was leaving... And.. he'd defended him? Fuck, he always knew the bitch was a bitch, but honestly, he'd never fucking done anything to her to make her hate him so much! He knew she was the one always complaining to the landlord, trying to get him and Itachi kicked out. Shit, so maybe he was a little loud sometimes, maybe he 'disturbed the peace' a little too much, but really? Hidan was no woman, nor a mother, but she was willing to fucking stop coming to Kakuzu, the most capable doctor ever in the history of history when she was seriously about ready to pop the little demon spawn out all because he'd hired Hidan? That seemed a little fucking ridiculous to him.

Was he really that bad of a fucking person?

And what's more, Kakuzu had  _defended_  him. Even then, when they'd hated each other's guts. He's actually lost a client over it... he's lost money because of Hidan, and he'd never said a word. Surely it was just out of desperation. He knew he couldn't fire him at that time, admitting that he'd accidentally hired a psycho would do more harm than pretending like he knew what he was doing. Surely it hadn't been for Hidan's sake.

But then why hadn't he ever mentioned it before?

Fuck, if he was going to lose clients just because Hidan  _worked_  here... He'd always known Kakuzu had a lot to lose. But for some reason it hadn't really sunk in until now. If people hated him so much that they'd rather inconvenience themselves by driving to a different town than to associate with him, what would they do if they found out about...

"Hey..." He said, unable to keep the solemn tone out of his voice as he leaned into the doorway of the office. Kakuzu looked up to him in an almost annoyed fashion. "Uhh. Mister... uh... Shit. I can't remember his last name... My neighbor Asuma, he wants to know if you had time to give him a walk-in. We don't have another appointment scheduled till 3:30..."

Kakuzu raised a brow, as if silently saying ' _You know I don't do walk-in's, Hidan_.'

"He... really looks like crap. And his old lady is a bitch, she didn't want him to come here..." He added as explanation.

"Asuma Sarutobi?" Kakuzu questioned, looking genuinely surprised.

"Yeah! That's it."

"Hmm." Kakuzu set his pen down, glanced at the clock, then took off his glasses which really should look hilarious on him but actually only made Hidan want to attack him even more, and set them on the desk. "Yes. I remember his... woman. I'll be there in a moment, get a copy of his insurance card and write him in the book."

"Duh.." He said, trying to force a smile. He only received a quizzical glance before he whirled and started back to the front.

He'd lost business just by hiring him, if society found out what they did, what they'd already done... His neighbor wasn't the only bitch in this town, she was far from it, in fact. Kakuzu was already giving in so much just being with Hidan, and yet there he was throwing a fit because it wasn't enough...

God he really hated this defective brain.

Fear coursed through him, barely restrained as he informed his overjoyed neighbor of the exception being made for him and got his card, instructing him to wait in the examination room and shutting the door behind him. He made the copy on autopilot, and plopped back down at his desk.

"Self-destructive tendencies..." He muttered. This relationship had been doomed the second he'd stepped foot in this building. And he'd been walking through it blindly, thinking only of himself, worrying only about himself. God... It was a wonder it had even progressed as far as it did... He sat there, letting the self-hatred pool in him until he heart Kakuzu's deep voice murmuring behind the door. His eyes flicked up, settling on the wood, listening but not listening to the muffled voices.

No... no. He was taking this the wrong way. It wasn't doomed. It was the opposite. Kakuzu liked him despite everything, he'd come to his party, tolerated his ridiculous behavior, talked him down out of  _two_  fucking brain attacks... No, right, every single force in the universe was working against them, and yet it had still happened. Yes.  _That's_  what he should focus on.

_"You're bad for me too..." Kakuzu said to him. Hidan blinked and pulled his head off the mans chest, looking up at him. Kakuzu had stared back, his hand still on the back of his head, the other one had snaked it's way up his side, and he pulled Hidan flush against him._

_"If you think I'm going to kick you out after all the shit you've put me through, you're an idiot."_

_Hidan continued staring up at him, heat building in his chest. Another attack, another pitiful, embarrassing attack brought on by nothing more than fucking fear of what would happen next, and Kakuzu was slapping sense back into him again. "I'm your God, If I recall correctly. Which mean's I own you, which means I'm stuck with you. You damn imbecile."_

_And then he kissed him again._

Yes. He had to stop fucking doing that. If this didn't prove that what Itachi said was true, that they were soul-mates, (Ugh, such a pussy word.) then nothing did. Even before either of them knew what was happening, Kakuzu had been there, willing to lose the thing he loved most in the world, money, to keep Hidan. Whether that's what it was or just the old man trying to save his own skin didn't matter, that's how Hidan was going to take it.

And that being said, he needed to stop being such a little bitch and get his shit together. He knew who he was, and even if he didn't really like himself all the time, he wasn't going to fucking change for just anyone. But maybe a little bit of tweaking was in order.

God, how the fuck could he think  _he_  was the one doing all the work in this relationship?

Fuck. Stupid defective brain. Something had to be fucking done about this, once and for all...


	24. Chapter 24

This was a good day, Itachi decided. A good Friday.

In fact, it had been a pretty decent week.

Nope, not even. It had been a great week! He just hadn't known how great it was until yesterday night. He had finally succeeded in his goal, and he finally felt successful about it.

 

 

_"I think... he actually likes me. The same way I like him... I mean." Hidan muttered after their chat about last weeks events, sitting on the edge of the bed and wringing his hands. "But it's so goddamn hard to tell. I mean one minute he acts one way and then in the next he's something else. Sometimes he wants me to stick around, other times he's trying to shove me out the door... It's fucking confusing!"_

_"Hidan I think you're just thinking too much into this. You're trying too hard." Itachi said back softly. Hidan looked at him skeptically, brows slightly bunching in the beginning stages of confusion-induced anger._

_"How the fuck can you try too hard? That doesn't even make sense."_

_"Well, it doesn't much apply to anything else, granted. But relationships are a whole different universe Hidan. Not everyone is so willing to put up with your insanity as I am."_

_"so you're saying basically it's my fault he's a miserable fucking confusing shithead? Because I'm crazy?"_

_"Hidan you know damn well I don't think-"_

_"Or are you saying I'm just fucking insane so I'm taking everything the wrong way. Either way it's my fault right? It's always my fucking fault..."_

_Itachi sighed and rolled his eyes and stood up to circle around Hidan, slouching over to place both hands on his shoulders and bring his face close to his. "This is what I'm talking about Hida. You put too much pressure on yourself. You're too intense with the things you put your mind too. It's not a bad thing on most occasions, but you need to pace yourself here." He paused to see if the message was sinking in the correct way. Hidan didn't say anything, only half-glaring back in his usual irritated demeanor. "This. is going. to last." He finally said, very slowly, his own charcoal eyes flicking back and forth between Hidan's, almost violet in the dimly lighted room. "Stop convincing yourself that it won't, stop trying to sabotage yourself. Just let it be, you're thinking too hard, you're trying too hard. Dr. Hoku may be a Doctor, but he is not a patient man. Don't push him."_

_Itachi understood, he really did. Hidan was one of those people, as he had just stated earlier in the day, who had trouble focusing on anything other than what would happen in the next moment. Too busy worrying or fearing possible disappointment to pay any attention to what was happening presently around them. He was afraid of Dr. Hoku suddenly rejecting him, finally surrendering to the fact that being with Hidan made no logical sense. Itachi shared that feeling sometimes, when the unpredictable albino had him so stressed and frustrated that he came very close to wringing his neck. But that was the thing, he loved Hidan, with all his heart. It was just as Tayuya stated so many times to him, Just as the twins had said, just as he, himself, had recited. When it comes to Hidan, you either love him or you hate him. And Dr. Hoku, though certainly grumpy and miserly, he did not hate Hidan. And love, whether platonic or the real deal, rarely ever made much sense in the long-run._

_"Tch. You're so gay 'Tachi."_

_The Uchiha leaned back with an incredulous glance at him. How was any of that 'gay talk'? That was just normal consolation! Unless Hidan had somehow magically attained this power of mind-reading he constantly accused every one else of..._

_Hidan only sighed loudly and plopped back on his bed, hands forming a pillow beneath his head. "You're right though..." He said calmly, eyes half-lidded as he stared distantly at he ceiling. "He told me himself he wasn't going anywhere... dunno why I can't get that through my head..."_

_Itachi let out a breathy laugh. '_ Hida, you really are ridiculous.'  _And put a palm gently to his forehead, supporting the arm at the elbow with his other hand. "Never-the-less. I wouldn't worry too much about not being able to remember details like that. It's not as if it won't happen again..." He would know after all, he went through this same dilemma, though Hidan would likely launch back into his teasing if he started even mentioning his sex life with Kisame. Which may or may not be a good thing, at least he would be acting normal. But then again it wasn't as if he was acting out of character due to depression, his head was just full to bursting with this new relationship. Hidan only needed to stop drowning himself in the what-if's and start basking in the light of what had already happened, what was likely to continue happening._

_Itachi smiled to himself, he knew exactly how Hidan felt, and it only reinforced the fact that this was the real deal. He was already positive Kisame was the person he'd spend the rest of his life with, and it seemed Hidan had found his special someone right around the same time. How terribly serendipitous, though not really, seeing as Itachi was the evil genius behind it all. Those two would be hopeless if not for him._

_Just goes to show, Always leave it to the Uchiha._

_"There's plenty of time. You just have to stop forcing fact of the matter is, you're together now. Just let things happen as they happen."_

 

Yes, He was confident this was something that would last. Mainly for the fact that it was so outrageous in the first place. Things like this happened all the time, older individuals getting into relationships with others far younger than themselves. But this was a special case. One, because Hidan wasn't some sort of gold-digger, he had far too much pride for such things. That was made clear on day one when he'd nearly had a panic attack just realizing he liked the Doctor. Two, because Dr. Hoku was no fool, he thought with his head, not his dick. And there was also the fact that the man was quite literally in love with his money and would never waste it just to get a little tail, especially from someone like Hidan.

Nope. It was the fact that this relationship was so bloody ridiculous and improbable, but had happened anyway, that assured him there was nothing to worry about. Perhaps Itachi was somewhat of a sap, maybe he really was 'so gay', but either way, it didn't change the situation.

 _A wonderful Friday indeed,_ He thought to himself, humming light-heartedly as he drove to the clinic a few minutes after nine to pick up his any luck, Hidan would end up over at the Doctor's again tomorrow when Itachi made his leave. He and Kisame had agree'd on every other week, but today when he'd gone to visit the man at work during lunch hour, and informed him of this new development between the two (Kisame was such a wonderful friend, as he'd never gossip about Kakuzu's personal life with anyone. Itachi was made of lesser things, unfortunately.) After Kisame's initial shock, repulsion, bout of uncontrollable laughter, then more repulsion and shock, they had decided to make an exception and made plans to go out for a movie or something, but make it seem as if Itachi would again be staying the night at his lovers, there-by tricking Hidan into sneaking over to Kakuzu's again.

 _"You really are an impressive mind-fucker, you know?"_  Kisame had said, earning a blushing scowl from the Uchiha.  _"God forbid you ever use your powers for evil."_

But, he had no such luck. Unfortunately for him, it wasn't as good a Friday as it initially started as.

 

 

He pulled into the parking lock, the first one directly to the left of the handicapped parking, where he always parked to pick up his roommate as he always stood just ahead of him on the corner of the building, usually finishing up a cigarette. Hidan was standing there, as usual, leaning against the wall with both hands in his pockets, looking down at the ground with brows furrowed in frustrated anger.

The first thing Itachi took note of was the lack of a cigarette. Though he brushed it off immediately as a not-so-important detail. He certainly wasn't going to complain about Hidan  _not_  smoking, but it was a little strange. The second would be the fact that Kakuzu's car was still in it's usual space, Usually the Doctor was either gone of leaving by the time Itachi arrived to pick up his roommate. In all the months Hidan had worked for him he'd never once stayed late for any occasion that he was aware of.

And of course the third thing he noticed, with his innate ability to sense emotional turbulence in others, was the aura of shock and heavy depression Hidan was emitting as he seated himself into the car. He didn't even bother to acknowledge his best friend, staring at him in concern as he shut the door far too gently and leaned back in the seat, staring at the dashboard with brows furrowed as if deep in thought.

Taking a silent but deep breath, Itachi warred within himself, wracking his brain to try and decipher what it was that might have caused something like this to occur in his emotionally unstable friend. Of course the man had always struggled with bouts of depression, but on most occasions the anger came first, and the depression tended to not last all that long afterward. Something informed him, some cosmic force out there, told him that this was not just that, as there was still a hint of absolute shock lingering there in those currently unreadable lavender eyes.

Immediately his gut clenched, all of this warring happening within a tenth of a second, mind you, as the realization struck him that perhaps it had something to do with Kakuzu. Scratch that, it  _had_  to have something to do with Kakuzu. Hidan didn't care enough about anything else to be so affected. And the question didn't even come up as to what it had been. What else would cause that look of calm devastation on his normally oblivious friend?

"What happened?" He asked immediately, as opposed to the standard 'What's wrong?" refusing to move the car an inch until he found out.

Hidan only looked at him as if he'd only just not realized he was here, blinked, and then forced out the worst smile Itachi had ever seen in his life. "Nothing."

He bit back the anger that wanted to burst out of him, chewing over his thoughts for a moment.  _Damn you Hidan, if you think you're putting up even a halfway decent act, you're an idiot._  "Don't tell me 'nothing' when something is clearly wrong." Really, it was obvious something was wrong, why was he putting up this macho act?  _You always do this Hidan, you should have learned by now._  How many times had they had this discussion? No one can help if he wouldn't let them. How many damn times had he told the zealot that he was practically see-through? That he never fooled anyone by trying to hide his thoughts and emotions that constantly blasted across his face and screamed out in his silent body language. That if he continued to resist, people would stop trying to help.

"Sorry... I meant 'nothing' as in 'I don't want to talk about it right now.' I figured you'd see that, being the mind-reader you are and all."

Itachi blinked. An apology, and no cursing? Dear God, what the hell had happened? He opened his mouth to pursue the topic, but couldn't seem to force any words out at the weary and despairingly pleading look Hidan shot him.

 _'I fuckin' appreciate the gesture and everything, Itachi. But really, sometimes I just want to be left alone... Just give me a goddamn second to breathe and I'll be fine.'_ A previous conversation, nearly 7 months ago when the albino had first started rooming with him and he'd been in a mood much like this one, popped into his head. He turned to face the steering wheel, gathering his resolve with a deep breath and resulting sigh. The did not happen often, or at least not that he knew of, at least not as blatantly obvious as this one. But, it seemed this was clearly one of those times when pushing the matter would only do more harm than good. He'd even stated that he didn't want to talk about it  _right now._  As in, he'll talk about it later. That was as good as a promise as far as the Uchiha was concerned.

"Alright..." He said quietly, steeling himself in this conviction and backing out of the parking space. Hidan didn't even look over to him in surprise at his surrender, which had his chewing his lip in worry the entire ride home.

 

.

 

"I'm going to lose my mind Kisa. I barely slept last night, I have a headache bordering on the thin precipice of migraine territory. If I don't find out what happened with him I'm going to tear my hair out."

_"For the love of God, Angel. Don't do that. Why don't you just go try asking him again? He's had all night."_

It was torture, Itachi's concern and also his sheer curiosity was eating away at him, and had been since he picked Hidan up yesterday night. The normally boisterous man had not said one more single word to him, only gone straight to his room and stayed there faithfully, not emerging even to use the bathroom or to eat.

It was now almost noon.

At a lack of anything else to do to handle the situation, he was now in the kitchen whisper-yelling frantically to his lover, explaining the situation in spurting and stuttered words that fell from him too fast for him to even register if they were making sense or not.

"I can't. I can't. He asked for his space. But it's been hours, I'm going to pass away Kisame. I can't take this. You should have seen the look in his eyes, it was... haunting..."

A sigh on the other end and some unrecognizable sound of shuffling.  _"You want me to call Kakuzu and see if they had some sort of fight or something?"_

Itachi absently chewed his nails in thought, before realizing he was taking part in that disgusting and destructive habit and yanking his hand away from his mouth. "Ugh, I don't know. I... I don't want to interfere, and I know Kakuzu isn't going to take kindly to either of us butting into his business."

_"I'll just tell him the kid's acting weird and you're worried."_

"Yes, and then he'll get mad at Hidan for whatever excuse he can come up with. I don't know, I just have the worst feeling that they broke up. I don't know what to do, I was so sure. God I haven't been this close to a panic attack since the night after the party. Was that really only two weeks ago?"

_"Babe, you need to relax. I don't know the kid that well from experience, but from listening to you all the time, I can make a few deductions here. If you're willing to hear my opinion that is."_

_"_ Of course I am Kisame don't try to lure me into some sort of argument here."

Light chuckling, the clinking of what sounded to Itachi like dishware.  _"I would never. But this is the way I see it. Kakuzu and that roomie of yours fight all the time. I've never been around either of them without hearing constant insults or practically smelling the damned aggression between them. If those two had some sort of break up, doesn't seem to me like it would be anything remotely similar to quiet. "_

"...Hn."

_"See what I'm saying? The kid would be absolutely pissed, and so would Kakuzu. There wouldn't be any of this... whatever you say he's doing now. I think you're jumping to the wrong conclusion."_

Itachi let out a whoosh of air, leaning back against the counter and massaging his eyes. Kisame had a point there, but it still didn't give any sort of clues as to what the hell had happened. "Perhaps... Honestly though Kisa. What else would it be. I've never known Hidan to care about anything, except maybe that guitar or me. He wasn't even this upset over Tayuya."

_"I dunno babe. Just go ask him neh?"_

"Kisame, I can't. I told you he asked for his-"

_"Well then Angel, I don't know what to tell you."_

Itachi blinked, moving the phone away from his ear to give it a surprised look before blinking a few more times and returning it. Had Kisame just snapped at him? Was that irritation he just witnessed, and directed at  _him_  none-the-less.

 _"You know, have you ever considered what's going to happen when he finally gets his shit together and you won't have to take care of him constantly anymore?"_ Kisame continued, the annoyance more restrained now, but still there. Itachi's mouth opened and closed as he tried to respond, not quite understanding how this conversation had suddenly just done a complete round-about.

_"I mean. When you don't see him every day, or talk to him every day. How are you going to be able to handle not knowing if he's having some damn crisis or not? Because I'll be honest Angel, it feels like every damn day with him."_

"...Kisa..."

_"I understand that you love him like a brother. But every single one of his problems aren't yours. If he doesn't wanna tell you, just leave it alone. I mean, Jesus, let him try fending for himself once in awhile you know?"_

Still silent, Itachi tried to let this soak in, willing away the slight insult at the fact that Kisame had  _actually_  spoken to him like that. He suddenly felt terribly guilty, recalling all the time they spent together... God, half the time he usually rambled on about Hidan. Every time they talked, It was something about Hidan... Now that he thought about it, the man had begged him on so many occasions to change the subject. The eye rolling, the impatient sighs... Itachi had never caught onto any of it, and the man had finally had no choice but to snap at him.

He... he was right. He was absolutely right. Every time Hidan had a problem, Itachi forced himself to be a part of it... Did everything he could to solve the problem for him. He never let Hidan take the reigns of his own life. He really was like his mommy, and not in the way that he'd always imagined. He was holding him back, he was one of those mommies that refused to let go. And all of it completely unintentional.

The other side of the line was still quiet. Itachi suddenly wished more than anything that Kisame was right here in front of him, he didn't like being unable to see what the man was thinking. And for some reason he suddenly felt like crying.

"I'm... I'm so sorry Kisa. You're right..." He said quietly. Good Lord, what had he become? He was part of the damn problem here.

_"...Look babe, I didn't mean to-"_

"No really. You're absolutely right. If he doesn't want to tell me, I should just accept it. It's..." He paused, feeling as if the words about to come from him felt so terribly rude. "It's not my problem..."

How many times Had Hidan tried, in his own way, to get this message across to him?  _'I'm not_ always _in trouble,_ mommy. _Nothing happened. Nothing that's any of your business. I'm not going to tell you. So fuck off.'_  Hell, just yesterday he'd tried to tell him... And he'd brazenly insisted anyway, forcing Hidan to let him be a part of this...

It wasn't as if he'd ever done it with the intention of annoying everyone around him... He never meant to be a busybody. Hidan was just one of those people you had to be meticulous with. At least that's what he'd always thought. He won't tell anyone anything, he'll hold it all inside. Hidan was one of those people that constantly rejected you but actually wanted you to keep fighting and show that you cared. And Hidan  _was_  one of those people, he knew. But he was only human, and everyone just wanted to be left alone once in awhile...

_"Right. I mean, That's my honest opinion. For this specific situation, you know. Just let him be. That obviously what he wants. If he can't handle it, you know he'll come to you."_

Itachi couldn't help the soft laughter at that image. "No, He'd just do something stupid, obnoxious, and unnecessary to get my attention."

_"Exactly. So there you go."_

The Uchiha was just in the process of opening his mouth to reply when the squeak of a door opening got his attention. His eyes flicked up to the area where Hidan would appear if he did come into the kitchen, but aside from that he didn't move. "Well, anyway... Are we still on for a movie tonight?"

" _Sure babe. Whatever you want. I'm all yours."_

"Alright then, Would you like to pick me up at six?"

_"It would be my pleasure, Angel."_

Mutual goodbyes were exchanged just as the center of their topic appeared around the corner.

"You're having a fucking date night  _again?"_  Hidan scoffed, moving past him to tug open the refrigerator and scan the contents. "One of these fucking days you two are literally going to make me vomit uncontrollably. They'll run me to the E.R., but it will be too late. Then someone will start a foundation in my honor, Moms against PDA or some shit like that."

Itachi smiled, he was being normal again at least. Maybe space really was all he needed... Kisame is right, He just needed to know when to back off... If only this damnable curiosity wasn't so lethal. "Yes. I thought to myself - If Hidan gets to have fun, so should I." Two could play this teasing game, after all. That would get his mind off it.

Hidan gave him a look of disgust before letting the fridge door shut. "Well.. there goes what little appetite I had..."

"Oh, don't be a child." Itachi shot back, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes. "You're telling me you don't have plans with Dr. Hoku?"

"Tch. No."

"Why not." Damn, there it came flooding back...

"Because I fucking work with him. I have to look at his ugly mug all fucking day. I ain't gonna go running off to him every damn weekend just to screw him."

"Hn. You know Hida, don't take offense but in this situation I hardly see you as the one doing the 'screwing'."

Hidan choked briefly before glaring at the Uchiha, who was unable to hold back his laughter at the tinting that airbrushed across the albino's pale cheeks. "F-fuck you Uchiha! Like you have any damn room to talk!"

"I'm not the one blushing here. I've no problem admitting my role in my own relationship."

"Yeah well... Fuck you."

"No thank you. I believe we're both taken."  _Aren't we?_

"Tch... Whatever."

Itachi resisted the urge to lunge at Hidan, grab him around the throat and shake him while demanding he tell him what the hell had been wrong with him yesterday. Obviously this was going to be harder than he thought...

 

.

 

"Hey do you have Kakuzu's number?" Hidan asked, peeking his head into the bathroom doorway where Itachi was currently getting ready for his evening with Kisame. The slightly younger man paused in his actions, raising a just recently sculpted brow at him.

"Of course not. Why?"

"Uh, because I need to fucking call him, dumbshit."

Itachi didn't move from his position, very careful to keep his face from reflecting his murderous curiosity. "And why is that?"

Hidan gave sarcastic snort. "Well, not because I wanna have some girly fucking 'date-night', if that's what you're thinking."

Itachi had to clench his jaw for a second, but kept the question from exploding out of him once again. "Just call the clinic. Kisame has mentioned that he forwards it to his cell on weekends." He said, returning his attention to the mirror.

"..."

Hidan was still there, staring at him, and he managed to ignore it for all of five seconds before turning to him with a sigh. "What?"

"...Do you have the clinic number?"

"You don't have the number to your own job!?"

"Well what the fuck do I ever call the clinic or Kakuzu for!? "

Again Itachi had to grit his teeth and take a deep breath. This time for different reasons, though that wasn't much consolation. How was he supposed to let Hidan handle his own life when the simplest things like having his own work number never occur to him? "Okay Hidan. I'll give you the number if you'll please just... tell me what's going on in that head of yours."

He was only regarded further for a few minutes before the albino let out a big sigh and finally stepped further into the doorway, leaning a shoulder against the frame. "Our neighbor came to the clinic yesterday..."

It took Itachi a few moments to piece this together. "Asuma did?"

"Yeah."

"...Okay..."  _And how does that relate?_

"He uh... he's sick..."

Itachi could only wait somewhat impatiently for him to explain. Hidan didn't even like their below-deck neighbor, so the raven-hair could hardly believe that he was so shaken up over the fact that the man was sick.

"Like  _really_ sick..." Hidan continued, looking at his roommate as if he should somehow magically be able to understand what he was saying. Itachi resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"Okay, but why do you need to call Dr. Hoku?"

Hidan paused for a moment, that same look settling over him, but far less severe this time. Itachi waited for what felt like hours while the albino shifted almost nervously before him. "Kakuzu thinks it's cancer." He finally said, successfully shoving Itachi into a speechless shock.

"He took a few skin scrapings and swaps, did some Chest scans and X-rays... He sent them to the next town over just to be absolutely sure. He says it looks like... Meta... Meta-something. Basically lung cancer..." He shrugged on the last bit, brows furrowed in slight annoyance when he couldn't seem to recall the name.

"Metastatic?"

"Yeah... That..."

Itachi's eyes wouldn't seem to come unglued from his friends unreadable gaze. For some reason, he didn't understand. "You're sure he said Metastatic?"

"Yeah..."

"Oh my god..." Itachi said in a whisper, at a loss for anything else to say. Suddenly he felt like a jackass, though at the same time there wasn't much logic behind that. He'd thought Hidan and Kakuzu had gotten into some sort of fight when it turns out Hidan was just in shock over Asuma's condition.

But this brought about more confusion. Since when did Hidan care about other peoples well-being? Especially enough to act like this over it.

"If that's what it is, basically he's fucked. Kakuzu said it had spread all over him, Even if he did start doing treatments, he probably wouldn't survive... He looks fucking terrible 'Tachi... and.. God, his stupid bitch of a wife-"

"They're not married."

"Tch. Well whatever. I can't... I don't know. It doesn't make fucking sense. I just saw him after the party, he looked fine. Then suddenly a week later he looks like he's about to keel over. He's so fucking tired from taking care of the baby and I guess his stupid bitch has post-patriotic depression or some shit and he's still working full-time."

"Post- _partum_ , Hidan."

"Yeah, whatever. I just. I don't get it! I mean, I never fucking liked him, I thought he was a damned weirdo. But now I can't stop thinking about it. And not even him so much, just the fact that, like... " Hidan had dropped his eyes to the floor during his rambling, waving his hands slightly as he spoke and tried desperately to make sense of things by speaking out loud. Now he lifted his head to meet Itachi's gaze again, brows furrowed in what almost looked like pain.

"He's gonna die, Itachi. I don't know what to do with that. Like... he's just... not gonna be here anymore. That baby is gonna grow up without a dad, with a miserable bitch for a mother... And he's just  _not gonna be there_..."

"Hidan..." Itachi started, unable really to say anything more for the fact that he had no idea what to say.  _That's_  what this was about. Suddenly it made sense to him, though he'd never thought about it before. Hidan grew up without real parents, he went through life making and losing friends and acquaintances. But thanks to that he'd been spared the circumstance of ever having to go through the death of anyone he knew.

Hidan was vulgar and morbid, he could be incredibly twisted and dark, especially in his depressive moments. Itachi knew that death was something that constantly weighed on his mind, but always his own death, and never really had it ever been brought into the light this way before. He'd never been forced to look at it from a spectators view.

That's why he had looked downright  _haunted_  yesterday.

Another thought randomly popped into his head. The image of Hidan standing outside without a cigarette, the fact that he still hadn't gone outside to smoke a single one since he'd been home. Asuma smoked, and now Asuma had cancer.

He really was shaken about this wasn't he? Hidan, oblivious, emotionally disabled Hidan, so upset about the death of someone he hardly knew... To be quite frank Itachi found that more bizarre than Asuma's condition.

"You know what he told me though? That night when Kakuzu came over here, during the snowstorm? I guess he ran into that cunt, and she started giving him shit because he hired me." His demeanor instantly switched to anger now, as if he actually had heard his roommates thoughts. "She stopped coming to the clinic for her kid's appointments and everything all because of me."

"Well.. Hidan... Not to defend her or anything but you have the tendency to be loud and obnoxious. And those are your better days."

"Yeah I fucking know that, that's not even what pisses me off the most. Kakuzu didn't  _tell_  me about this. He just went right on about his fucking business like it didn't affect him at all."

Again the Uchiha was at a momentary loss for words. Why exactly was that a bad thing? Kakuzu had given him a chance despite the fact that he'd lost business, honestly that spoke volumes about the man's ideals in his eyes.

"You know what that means? That means he's liked me since that day. Liked me enough not to fucking express his supposed 'hatred' for me to his client even though it probably would have kept her coming back if he had just told her that he hates me too. You know how much money he lost? Prenatal checkups, and then all the appointments and shot for the kid after it's born,  _and_  she wanted to do a home birth, he could have made thousands off of her. And he just fucking waved it away."

Itachi shifted awkwardly. Honestly, how is that anything to be upset over? He could understand the subject before, having to look at death in a whole new perspective, finally taking a step further into a frightening reality. But this... just seemed a little childish. "I'm afraid I'm not following, Hida. Why is that a bad thing?"

" _Because_  'Tachi. You know... If he hadn't done that, things wouldn't have turned out the way they did, Asuma could have fucking been on good terms with him, he wouldn't have been so stressed, he would have fucking noticed all the crazy symptoms he was having sooner, he could have gotten treated sooner, and he wouldn't be dying."

"Whoa, Hidan. No. Don't you even try to somehow pin this on yourself-"

"And I've been like the shittiest person to Kakuzu. I never noticed before, like, it never even crossed my mind as to  _why_  he did the shit that he did.  _Why_  he was so fucking mad at me whenever I pulled my stupid little stunts. He's risking so fucking much for me, and I don't even get why. I'm not worth all that!"

"Dammit Hida stop-"

"Do you realize what all this shit means?" He nearly shouted, interrupting yet again. "It means I have to get my shit together. Like fucking  _now_. I can't keep doing that shit to people, I can't keep replying on you, I can't keep making him risk his fucking business and goddamn livelihood. If I keep fucking going the way I am, I'm going to lose everything. You're right, I have self-destructive tendencies  _even when I'm trying not to."_

Itachi blinked, speechless for the hundredth time in just a few minutes. How in the world had their conversation ended up on this topic?  _Hidan, your train of thought never ceases to confuse and amaze me..._ Finally though, finally it was happening. Hidan's emergence from the chrysalis into something transformed, the final state of maturity. He was going to 'get his shit together', and he meant it this time. It wasn't just something that he was tossing around, just the way he was talking about it, the emphasis he was putting on it, it had finally clicked with him, he was finally ready to take control of his life.

"Step one is to stop being so oblivious and fucking selfish. Which is why I want to see if Kakuzu's heard anything. I figure since he lives right below us, I can go talk to him and his woman about it. With any luck I can give them good news, and maybe she'll hate me a little less. And that'll just be one less thing for him to stress about."

Itachi's current thought process came to a screeching halt. "You really think your presence is going to do anything to ease his stress Hidan, considering that she  _does_  hate your guts?" Really Hidan, it's great that you want to take responsibility, but this isn't really a good first step...

"Well it'll be fucking awkward at first, but I'm not gonna keep letting her do that shit just because she doesn't like me. Seriously, has she ever even said  _one word_  to me? If I'm the one she hates, why the fuck is she taking it out on everyone else. Depending on what Kakuzu says, and let's be serious Itachi... it ain't gonna be good news... He probably doesn't have all that much longer to live. I mean... you know... even if he makes it for a few more years..."

 _There's never enough time..._  Itachi finished in his head, unable to resist the small smirk of pride at hearing his immature friend speak of such things with such clarity. He really wasn't as stupid as he credited himself to be...

"So... you know... I'm gonna go down there and let her get it all off her fucking shoulders. So she doesn't have to take it out on him or that baby you know... I mean, I know what it's like to be depressed beyond belief..."

"Hidan that's very noble of you but I don't think this is very good timing. The man just found out he has cancer..." Yes it was a good idea, yes it was a very responsible, kind, adult decision. But this simple wasn't the time. Not so soon afterward...

"Yeah well better to rip off the fucking band-aid than pick at the scab right?"

"What? That's doesn't-"

"So I need the clinic's number to call Kakuzu. I told you what was going on, so hold up your end of the deal, Uchiha." He said, holding out his hand as if Itachi just kept the number on a piece of paper in his pocket.

He stared at it for a moment before taking a deep breath, in through his nose, out through his mouth, and fished out his phone. He loved Hidan to death, as if that hadn't been made perfectly clear by now, and he certainly agreed with this decision the man had come to to better himself and start taking responsibility and control of his life. But the Uchiha honestly couldn't see any sort of positive outcome for this situation.

He didn't want to mommy him, honestly he didn't. But if Hidan went down there by himself, and Miss Yuhi started in on him... no matter how the zealot tried, Itachi didn't think he would be able to hold his composure. He needed to give him a chance, obviously, but an ominous feeling had settled in his stomach about this whole entire scenario. This was not  _any_  of their business, despite good intentions. It was a touchy subject even in the friendliest of families, and the two down below were far from that.

In all honesty, Itachi though, Dr. Hoku should be the one to go talk to them. Hidan had no business getting involved. Just the fact itself offered that woman ammunition against his roommate.

He sighed again, making a note of the time before scrolling through his saved contacts. Kisame would be here in an hour... which gave him just enough time to either finish getting ready and leave Hidan's decision in his own pale hands, or at least go with him to serve as a referee and put a stop to things should they escalate too quickly.

And this was the real problem. It had only been a few hours since he'd come to the conclusion to put more faith in Hidan. Should he stick with it? Or make an exception?

Slowly, he read the numbers off to his best friend and roommate, who winked at him as thanks before slapping his own phone to his ear and disappearing from the doorway.

 

* * *

 

 _Don't feel bad. Just don't._  Kisame reiterated to himself for the hundredth time.  _Really, a guy can only take so much of his significant other going on and on constantly about someone else._ Even if there' s no romantic interest in it at all. Still the same concept, right?

 _It's fine, he agreed with you. He's not going to be mad at you. It's fine._ Right, everything was perfectly fine. He stuck by his beliefs, Kakuzu and the kid were fine, and even if they weren't, he honestly didn't even really care that much. The doctor was his best friend and all, but, you know, his life is his own. Maybe they'd grown a little closer during this time, (And by God he put emphasis on the  _little_  portion of that statement. The man was still basically as distant as ever.) but it was still grumpy old Kakuzu, set in his ways to stick fast to any decision he made, whether it be impulsive or not.

But, surely they were okay. Itachi was fussing over this for nothing. It was probably just another of the kids dumb little attention-seeking stunts. No big deal. It would blow over, as would his loss of patience for Itachi's constant coddling. Really, Kisame had thought it endearing for the longest time, but as of late he was starting to see where Kakuzu was coming from.

So Yeah,  _It's fine._  He'd spoken his peace, and it was fine. And he would pick up Itachi, they'd go to a movie, and have a perfectly normal night, with any luck, the subject of  _Hidan_  won't come up at all.  _And everything will be just freaking fine._

...So why couldn't he get this damned feeling to go away?

Just as he was starting to convince himself of it, just as he made the right turn that landed him on Itachi's street, a police car rolled past him. He didn't really think anything of it for the first few milliseconds, they weren't going fast, probably just patrolling.

But that thought bitch-slapped him into doing a double take when he glanced over and saw a familiar face glaring at him in the backseat. He even went so far as to slam on the breaks and twist around, looking out his rear window with wide eyes as a silver mop of hair slowly pulling further and further away from him in the back seat of the cruiser.

"No way..." He thought out loud, still staring even as the police car made a left and disappeared from sight. "No fucking' way..." He muttered again, turning in his seat to stare up ahead at the apartment, fighting the panic slowly rising in his chest.

"Itachi..." He whispered, finally snapping from the shock and gunning it the rest of the way to his destination and swerving into the driveway.

 

.

 

"I don't know what happened Kisa..." Itachi said, his voice low and steady, eyes fixed on the concrete stair casing below his feet. He was seated on the uppermost step, hugging his knees to his chest, resting his chin on them, looking so eerily and disturbingly calm that Kisame was a little nervous.

"He just wanted to go downstairs and see how Asuma was doing. He has cancer, by the way, that's what was wrong with him all night yesterday. I went with him, but I was thinking about what you said, to loosen the reigns a little bit. So I just stayed outside the door, ready to jump in if anything started..."

He paused, not moving even to blink. Kisame took the moment to hastily sit down next to him, unsure of what more to do to comfort the terrifyingly somber Uchiha.

"I stood out there for the longest time, it felt like. They closed the door so I couldn't really decipher what was said, but the voices were perfectly calm and controlled, or it seemed that way for me. There was no shouting or anything. And then the baby started crying, and suddenly they were screaming at each other, Hidan and Miss Yuhi. They were screaming and the baby was screaming and I came in and tried to get Hidan out... Kurenai was crying and shouting out all manner of insults at Hidan, holding the baby away from him like he'd tried to kill it or something, and Asuma was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands..."

He paused, and Kisame tried to keep his breathing even, reaching tentatively out to place a hand around Itachi's shoulder and draw him in close. His lover didn't resist, nor did he make any move to come closer.

"I was actually scared of him, Kisame. Hidan's always had a temper, he's always yelling and shouting and cursing and threatening people. And you get to the point where you just brush it off because that's just how he is. But this was... I don't know.. I was scared of him..." He said again, as if he couldn't even believe it himself. "He was so mad, Kisa. He looked like he was going to kill her... I've... I mean I know he had a completely separate life before he came here, I know he was a totally different, feral sort of person. I knew, but I didn't really know... Not until I saw him like that..." His body finally did relax into the larger man beside him, he released the death grip on his knees to twist around and bury his fact is his lovers chest.

Kisame was still at a loss for anything at all to say or do, except holding the man, practically shivering now.

"I didn't know what to do, That baby was screaming and Miss Yuhi was shrieking at him and Hidan was shouting right back. I couldn't even hear what they were fighting about, all I knew is the look in his eyes kept getting more and more wild, and he took a step toward her and that baby and raised his hand and... I just reacted..."

"You did what you had to do, Angel..." He said softly, feeling as if Itachi's horror of the scenario were so strong that it was literally infecting him. The kid had problems, he had a shitty past, a shitty life, but he was a good Kid, Kisame thought. Dramatic and occasionally annoying, maybe a little loud and obnoxious, but a good kid none-the-less. Things like this... They just came out of nowhere...

"Today was his first day off his medications..." Itachi murmured, barely loud enough for Kisame to hear. "I... I feel like I'm going to wake up and it was just some nightmare... I was scared for them, Kisame. I was even scared for myself. I had to hit him, I was barely able to knock him down. He wouldn't come to his senses, it's like he was a wild animal..."

Kisame remained silent, just holding the man, not really sure which emotion he was feeling, aside from sympathy for Itachi. That one was obvious. Part of him was angry, part of him was just... laughing sarcastically.  _That's what happens when you put your faith in people._  he tried to internally shake it away. Since when was he one to do that. He'd only ever had that brief struggle over his feelings for Itachi, trusting others had never been a problem for him.

Maybe this was different though, he wasn't the one who'd gotten burned. " _You.. don't understand, Kisame. Everyone I've held dear previous to this left me because of careless mistakes that turned into tragedies..."_

It was Itachi. His Angel, The man who always put others before himself. Itachi, who'd gone so far out of his way to help Hidan get his life back in order that people were starting to think  _he_  was the insane one. Itachi, the bloody damned saint of the year. " _It's petrifying. My family disowned me, my brother won't speak to me, I've lost countless friends. If I lost Hidan..."_

"Kurenai called the police... We all had to write out reports. she told me to get out and never come back, or she'd have me arrested as well. Asuma wouldn't even speak to me..." Kisame winced. Of course the blame would fall on Itachi too, wouldn't it. He's the one who let Hidan into his home, He was the little brat's keeper.

"She wouldn't even let me apologize... I know it wouldn't do any good. But that baby, that baby was crying and all the sudden I kept thinking of Sasuke... and it was like she didn't even hear it. He wasn't rocking it or anything. I don't know, I just wanted to apologize, I just wanted to make sure they were okay, I just wanted to help..." His voice finally cracked, and Kisame squeezed him tighter, feeling a little bit himself as if he were in a dream.

"Let's go Inside, Angel..." He said softly to him, not waiting for any reply before he simply scooped the man up and did just that. He didn't even know what to think, or how to react to this situation. And after a few further moments of consoling a silent, tearlessly crying Itachi on his couch, his mind suddenly snapped like a rubber band to Kakuzu.

Oh shit...

What would Kakuzu do when he found out about this?

He blinked a couple times, trying for a moment just to hold off the wave of thoughts and concern that flowed into him. When that didn't work he tried to sort them into some sort of order in his head so he could at least contemplate each one. When that didn't work he finally just let it blurt out loud, hoping maybe Itachi could help him, even though he felt guilty immediately after he did so.

"What's Kakuzu going to think..." He breathed.

 _Shit. Why , you idiot, WHY?_  That was the last thing Itachi needed to worry himself with. He already has all this on his plate  _and you go and bring up Kakuzu!? You dumbass!_

Itachi immediately straightened up, his eyes only slightly wide and expression terrifyingly blank. "Kisame that's perfect."

The oceanic man was thrown completely by this, so completely that he couldn't even force out the words to ask him what he meant, only able to make some sort of questionable noise.

"We have to tell Kakuzu. Maybe he can go knock some sense into that damned idiot. God knows he has the strength, at the very least."

"Whoa, wait, Babe, you really think it's a good idea to get him involved in this so soon? Shouldn't we let things cool off?"

"Kisame, Hidan was  _arrested._  Do you have any idea what that means? Right now he's probably have another one of his fits. He's going to end up sabotaging his trial. They'll either finally have enough excuse to put him in jail or send him back to one of those Behavioral Health facilities. You know he won't come back from that, not mentally at least."

"Yeah but what's Kakuzu gonna be able to do about that?"

"Like I said. He can knock some sense into him. Get him to calm down. Make it so he doesn't screw himself over. I don't know Kisa. All I know is he probably hates my guts at the moment, or the complete opposite. Either way I'm the last person he wants to face."

"I doubt he'd want to see his boss either, Angel."

"Well Kakuzu is the only other person on this earth that had the influence over Hida to be of any help in the situation!"

Kisame sighed angrily and stood up, running a hand through his hair. "Itachi... I don't understand why you still want to help him." He said almost in a pleading manner.

"What are you talking about Kisa? He's my best friend..."

"Yeah, but it's only ever been a one-way street. You constantly bust your ass for him, and what's he ever done but ruin every option you've given him? I just don't get it Babe. I mean, I get that you want to protect him, that's just who you are. But you don't think maybe this is some sort of final wake-up call?"

"You have no idea what you're talking about..."

"Why don't I? I mean I've sat by and watched this go on for months. Are you forgetting that we were friends when he first showed up? I've been here the  _entire time,_  Itachi. I've seen everything with my own eyes. He keeps fighting you and resisting you and fucking everything up every damn step of the way."

"It's not his fault it's his damn disorders-"

"God will you stop feeding everyone that bullshit? He can't live off that excuse forever, you know. Eventually he's either going to have to learn to fucking cope, and control himself, or this kind of shit is just going to keep happening."

Itachi was staring up at him as if Kisame had just told him he wished he was dead. the big man's heart suddenly felt like it was being squeezed in his chest, staring into those coal-esque eyes, witnessing the pain he'd just caused. But... he was right, wasn't he? How could Itachi keep submitting himself to this kind of thing and then wonder why he kept getting hurt? It's not like he was saying these things out of anger, Okay well... maybe he was a little angry... But mostly it was just because he didn't think he could stand to see the man, that's right, the  _man_  that he loved keep going through this shit all for the sake of someone who didn't even care.

The kid was a good kid, yeah. Maybe he wasn't doing all this shit on purpose, sure. He could believe it, he could understand even. But when was it going to end? What was it going to take for the damn kid to realize that he wasn't a damn kid anymore?

"Do you know what he said to me just before all this happened, Kisame..." Itachi said quietly, his eyes finally falling down to rest on the carpet. The older man couldn't bring himself to say anything in response, and so his lover continued. "He finally realized it. He told me it suddenly clicked with him that he needed to get his shit together or he was going to lose everything... That's why he wanted to go talk to them. Asuma likely does not have much time left, he went down there to talk to Miss Yuhi and try to reconcile their differences to make it easier on Asuma, so he could enjoy the time he had left..."

He paused for a moment, bringing his eyes back up to meet Kisame's. He couldn't decipher what emotion it was in them, or if perhaps they were just completely blank.

"While we were walking down there, he told me he'd been thinking about getting his own place once he knew he could trust himself not to mess everything up. He had his mind set, Kisa. And you know what happens when he decides to do something. Hidan, my baby bird, was finally starting to hop to the edge of the nest, he was finally about to fly away and make his own life. And then this happened..."

Kisame couldn't hold the man's gaze, now that he felt like complete garbage for saying what he had said. Damn it all...

Itachi sighed. "He scared the shit out of me, yes. But you can't tell me, after he said all that and did what he did, that he had anything other than good intentions. I know Hidan San, I know who he is, and that was not him, that was those damn demons in his head. Even if you don't agree, even if you don't support me, I'm still going to do what I can to help. And right now, all I can do is hope that Dr. Hoku can do something. Otherwise... I may very well never see him again. Not the Hidan I know, at least. This is far too heavy of a blow for him to come back from, not without help."

Kisame grit his teeth, and suddenly reached up to completely destroy his carefully styled hairstyle with both hands, growling as he did so. "Dammit, I can't ever win even one argument against you!" He whined afterward.

Itachi gave him the slightest of smiles, and he returned it. Well, at least he was good for something. Someone so beautiful should never be allowed to frown, after all. "Well... I guess... Let's call Kakuzu... and pray he's in a good mood. Maybe he'll at least only beat the kid half to death."


	25. Chapter 25

"I... can hold... my breath...  
I... can bite... my tongue...  
I can stay awake for days... if that's what you want...  
Be your number one..."

 

Hidan sat back in the corner of his lone cell. At least he was granted that much kindness in the midst of this utter bullshit, not having to share a cell with another living human who would undoubtedly either talk his ear off about how much of a bad ass they were or plead constantly with the guards that they were innocent... or hell, any other number of things. The people in this place were never consistent. He would know, he'd been one of them so many times...

He sat on the floor, with his back against the wall, hunched over with his head hiding in his lap, forehead resting on his crossed arms, propped up by the elbows which balanced on his knees, muttering in a sing-song voice for lack of any other way to distract himself from the terrible things those demons in his head kept whispering to him. There were benches he could sit on, windows he could look out, as this was just a holding cell they would keep him in until they figured out what to do with him. But he didn't want the benches, he didn't want the windows. Those were for people that still had self-respect, people who weren't drowning in a massive sea of self-hatred.

_You've done it again. You messed up your last chance. There's no going back now._

_You can't do anything right._

_You're a screw-up. No matter what you do. A jinx, a plague. Everything you do turns to shit._

_Stop resisting. Just accept it._

_Worthless. You've always been, you always will be._

He clenched his eyes shut harder, breath coming faster as he resisting this horrific burning in his chest, the burning of depression, loathing, an overwhelming desire to just give up and let it be. Why Fight? Why keep struggling? No matter what he did, or how far he came, the ladder always broke, and he ended up bleeding on the ground.

 

"I... can fake... a smile...  
I... can fooorce a lauuugh...  
I can dance, and play the part... If that's what you ask...  
Giiive you all I am..."

 

What would he do now? How could it have come to this?

Again and again he tried to replay what had happened in his head. But it all seemed blurry, everything was fuzzy, as if his mind purposely wouldn't let him recall it.  _You don't need to see Hidan... You know what you did._   _You know this is your fault._

It... it wasn't fair. He had been so close. He felt like he was there, like he'd finally reached the top of that damn mountain, like the work was over, all he had was one last home-stretch, and the rest would be a downhill coast. It had been so bright, so clear, so  _easy_. As if finally, things were how they should be, he was who he should be. He could leave his rocky past behind, put all that ugliness in storage in the deepest, darkest recesses of his mind...

It hadn't wanted to go without a fight. He hadn't even seen it coming. Those demons, they were clever, waiting there in the shadows, biding their time, using every ounce of the patience that he wasn't able to use until the door opened, until he let down his guard. Thinking it was all figured out, everything clicked into place, and the universe suddenly made sense. As he was basking the the glory of success, so confident that it was over and the darkness would never return, it struck... with all it's power.

And here he was again...

 

.

 

_"...Can I help you?" The curly-haired brunette said, voice dripping icy venom. She stood with the door barely open, but open enough for him to read very easily her body language which stated with no amount of confusion that she hated him with every fiber of her being._

_"Is.. uh.. Is Asuma home?" He said in a voice suddenly nervous, thinking maybe this hadn't been a good idea. He cleared his throat though, blinking hard and reminding himself that this new path he was taking was not the easy one. The easy path would only lead him back down to that barren valley he'd lived all his life. 'What would Kakuzu do?'_

_Right, Kakuzu would be responsible, and force himself to be respectful, maybe not exactly kind, or polite, but respectful._

_"...He's not exactly feeling up to having visitors. Especially the likes of you." She spat after a heavy glare._

_He grit his teeth. He had to do this, had to keep his composure. It's not about her, just let it go. Let her act how she wants, it's not about her. She doesn't matter... "I was hoping I could talk to him. I had a chat with Dr. Hoku, I thought I'd save everyone the trouble and give him the news myself, since I live so close."_

_"Yeah, I'm well aware of where you live." She said, not missing a single beat. Hidan inhaled deeply through his nose, and let it out so slowly that it almost appeared he was simply holding it in. She continued regarding him, as if waiting for him to lose his temper, to snap out some rude comment, any excuse to give her reason enough to slam the door in his face._

_He didn't give her one, only stared back calmly. This was no problem, he'd put up a convincing act in front of Kakuzu for a whole... what? Five hours? He could do this. No sweat..._

_Finally she gave a dramatic sigh and rolled her eyes, stepping back and letting the door open. Asuma was sitting on a couch just behind her, looking somehow ten times worse despite it having only been a day. "You have a visitor Honey." She all but growled, whirling around and stomping off to another room as if Hidan had some contagious virus that might infect her if she stayed too long._

_Asuma's foggy eyes flicked over to him, and he offered a weak apologetic smile. "Hey there..."_

_It took Hidan a moment to realize he was just standing there staring at this pitiful excuse for a human. It was outrageous how someone could look to be in perfect health one moment and then appear to be barely fighting off instant death the next._

_Two weeks... It had only been two weeks..._

_"Hey..." He forced out, turning to give a small glance to Itachi, standing just a few feet off before continuing inside with a nod and smile of encouragement. Finally he stepped inside, and shut the door behind him._

 

_._

 

"I can do it..." He muttered, hands clenching into fists, fighting to keep from clamping his jaws shut, to keep his body still despite this volcanic eruption of fury and desperation inside of him, driving him to get up and scream and kick and punch and claw and just generally attack anything and everything within reach.

"I can do iiiit..." He growled again, body physically shaking at the immense effort it took just to stay still. His skin felt nearly alive, as if his veins were writhing beneath it, searing him with molten blood coursing throughout, urging him to get up, release this tension, this wrath and relentless, nightmarish rage.

"I caaan dooo itttt..."

He couldn't, he couldn't do it. It hurt. It hurt too much. He'd never felt such overwhelming, intangible pain. His chest felt like it was going to explode. As if he was about to vomit, something rumbled deep within it, rolling up his body with increasing strength until he was no longer able to hold it in. He tried, oh how he tried, he drew his body so tightly into itself that there was no way this force could ever manage to escape. But it just hurt too bad, he couldn't keep it in, he couldn't swallow it down, and finally it came spurting out in the form of a violent sob, choked off for only a second until another wave rolled out right behind it.

His eyes blurred and stung, and his arms and legs abandoned his orders, falling limp beneath him as his body was wracked with sob after sob. To keep himself upright, he threw his head back, unable to even acknowledge the slice of pain that shot through his skull when it connected with the concrete wall behind him.

"But I'm only humaaan." He nearly whispered now, broken by the sobbing, the shallow, jerky breathes involuntarily bursting from his body.

"And I bleed when I fall down... I'm ooonly human. And I crash and I break down. Your wooords in my head, like kniiives in my heart. You build me up, and then I fall apart... 'Cos I'm only human..."

_Worthless. You're so fucking worthless Hidan._

After everything he'd been given, all the second chances, all the miraculous coincidences. The sacrifices his friends had made, Kakuzu, Itachi... God... how could they have done this? How could they give him so much, knowing what kind of person he was, knowing he'd only toss it away. How could he ever face them? How could he ever look in their eyes again?

 

.

 

_"It's not as if I was expecting anything different." Asuma finally said, eyeing the pack of menthols on the coffee table in front of him, the war in his eyes completely unhidden. Hidan stared into them, feeling like the worst person in the world just for the fact that he could go outside and smoke one right now and not have a second thought about it... Even though that wasn't true.. He hadn't been able to get past pulling one out of the pack without tossing it to the ground and grinding it into the soil since yesterday. How could he, after Seeing Asuma, not 4 years younger than Kakuzu, in the condition he was in._

"It looks like it originated in his lungs..."  _Kakuzu had said, scanning over the X-rays after Asuma had left._ "It's a wonder he's even still able to breathe. This isn't something that happened overnight..."  _Hidan had only stood behind him, trying to sort out his thoughts enough to make some sort of comment that wouldn't come off as ignorant or just plain stupid. In the end he just remained quiet, watching Kakuzu go over the documents in sullen silence._

_"I...really wanted to be able to give you better news..." Hidan said, almost surprised at how much he actually meant that. Empathy was never something he was good at, but looking at this, being part of this situation... how could he not feel something?_

_"Oh yes, and I wanted to hear better news. It's not your fault though, don't feel so bad, kid." Asuma replied, giving another tired smile. Hidan couldn't muster the strength to return it. This apartment, as lavishly decorated and thoroughly clean as it was, reeked of death to him. Every direction he looked seemed bleak and muggy, as if the very atmosphere in the room knew what was occurring within the man's body._

_"I... I thought, since we're neighbors and all, I can help out though. Me and Itachi, with anything you need. If your woman's too busy with the kid to go run errands or anything... you know.." It was awkward, to say the least, but just sitting there and not offering any form of help he could give nearly made him cringe. Just like with empathy, Hidan was never one to do things for other people, not without having something in it for himself. Acting so terribly out of character felt... weird. But he had no other choice._ What would Kakuzu do? _Kakuzu would be responsible, and that's what he would do to. He had too. He couldn't keep waltzing along in the world, always taking without giving, oblivious to everything happening outside his realm of understanding. That was how he'd ended up in such terrible situations time and time again, with nowhere to go and no one to turn to._

_Asuma's face lit up just the tiniest bit."That's right! You haven't met my Kid yet have you!" He forced himself into a more dignified sitting position and called out to the woman who had disappeared into the eerily silent recesses of the house. "Kurenai! Bring Enkou out here! I want to introduce him to Mister San."_

_There was a very long silence that followed afterward, Hidan fidgeted nervously, unsure of how to process this. He didn't want to meet the kid, at least not with that bitch here, he didn't want to hear any more of her insults or demeaning words. But a small part of him wanted to, if not for curiosity, then just to satiate the dying man's wishes. And a small part of him was somewhat gracious, too. This man, who hardly knew him, who he'd never been anything but disrespectful and rude towards, still liked him enough to treat him so kindly, still held him in high enough regards to go to all the trouble of introducing him to his son._

 

_._

 

"I.. can turn it on..." He mumbled, finally having regained control of his body, though the tears refused to stop falling.

"Be.. a good... machine... I can hold the weight of worlds, if that's what you need. Be... your everything."

So much work. So much effort he had put into this, and he was willing to do so much more. But he hadn't gotten even one step into that place, that world where everything was better, and brighter, and happier. He could have been strong. He was strong, he could admit he was strong, before. He'd survived all that shit he'd been through, all the hard times, the ugly times, the suicidal, self-destructive times when he wished for nothing more than to just go to sleep and never wake up.

He'd done it, and he'd worked through it, and he'd somehow managed to end up here. He'd lived with Itachi, gotten a job, learned guitar, music... Taught himself so much, learned so much. He'd found Kakuzu, like the missing fucking link that he'd needed all along to get his shit straight. As crazy as it was, this relationship they'd developed, this attachment, as if there simply were no one else in the world for each other, despite their vast differences...

He still didn't have much, but he had everything he'd ever wanted all at the same time. Itachi was like his mother and best friend, taking care of him, consoling, giving him love and patience and acceptance when he needed it, and also a slap back into reality, a stern but still caring chiding when he strayed off track. Kakuzu was like a father, a father and a lover. It sounded strange, but that's all he could describe it as. Someone to look up to, and example to live by, and someone to make life worth living, the motivation to do better, to  _be_ better.

He'd actually felt like a different person. As if all those terrible memories had been just a terrible dream. He could console himself with the fact that it was over, that it was in the past and he'd never have to go there again...

"I can do it... I can do it.. I'll get through it... "

 

.

 

_He was adorable, as much as Hidan hated to say. He wasn't one for kids. He wasn't one for a lot of things, and just in these last few minutes he'd done so many things that were so far from his normal thoughts and actions that he didn't even know how to handle it. But_ _**damn** _ _that was a cute little fucker._

_He somehow found himself getting up from his seat on the couch, taking the few steps across the room, unable to unglue his eyes from that tiny human being wrapped protectively in the brunette's arms. He ignored her alarmed glare, her frantic glances back and forth from Asuma to Hidan, as if telling him to hurry up and do something before she and her child were harmed, acting as if Hidan were a rabid dog charging toward them. She did everything but scream bloody murder._

_Then he was in front of her._

"But I'm only human. And I bleed when I fall down... I'm only human. And I crash and I break down. "

_He reached out so slowly, nearly mesmerized by the little sleeping bundle. It was so small, so fucking cute. It made his chest hurt, he didn't know what the fuck this was, this foreign feeling that terrified and exhilarated him at the same time. He reached, ignoring Kurenai's expression, how her eyes widened to extreme proportions, how her lips parted in shock and then teeth gritted in anger. He just wanted to touch it, just one little touch, run his fingers over the puffy cheeks._

_What is this? He didn't know what it was, he suddenly felt like he was witnessing some miracle. As if he was seeing something no one else had ever seen, something not meant to be tread upon by humanity. This tiny little thing... was the greatest thing ever, the greatest fucking treasure. And he had to protect it, he realized in near horror. He had to keep this thing safe, at any costs. He'd never let any harm come to this tiny little baby..._

"Your words in my head, knives in my heart. You build me up and then I fall apart... I'm only humaaaaa-a-annn... I'm only human..."

_"Don't touch him." She hissed, suddenly jerking away as if Hidan were actually a Cobra in human skin, about to sink his fangs into little Enkou. To steal the baby from her arms and run away with him to some nightmare dimension, never to be heard from again._

_He couldn't react at first. He only stayed there with his hand hovering in the air, completely still. The baby was startled awake by the movement, offering a series of whimpers before it began to softly cry._

_"Kurenai..." Asuma chided._

_"No. Don't even. I'm already going to lose my fiancee, I'm going to end up having to find some two-bit job, I'm going to be separated from my baby at nearly all times of the day, he'll be growing up with a stranger while I work to support us, unable to ever know his father and what a good man he is. He's going to have a hard enough life as it is, and I don't want someone like_ him _to be involved in it." She said, just below a shout._

_"Kurenai!" Asuma barked, with more energy than Hidan had actually thought him capable of. The raised voices seemed to set the child into a panic, ad he began screaming hysterically now. The sound rang in Hidan's ears, making him feel suddenly as if he was losing his mind. Kurenai just stood there holding it, she didn't turn and try to comfort him, or rock him, or shush him, just held him and kept up her assault._

_She narrowed her eyes, sending a glare so heavy with hatred toward Hidan that he almost reeled from it. "You are a criminal, and insane. I don't care if you think you've changed, I don't care what anyone says. You've done nothing but make our lives worse since you've come here. If it weren't for you, Asuma might not be the way he is. You're nothing to me,_ Hidan San. _Damn the rest of the worlds opinion, damn second chances, I won't let you infect our son with your worthless ideals and poisonous life. You've said what you need to say, get out of our house, and stay away from my family."_

 

"I... can take... so much...

Until... I've had... enough..."

 

.

 

He couldn't remember clearly what happened next. That was when the demon attacked, and he was taken too off guard to even think enough to fight back. He felt like he could have burst into flames, at the sheer, unbridled anger that poured into him. How could she do that to him? How could she be so callous and mean? How could she treat him that way when he was only trying to help, as if he was the one who'd be that child's downfall, and not his psychotic fucking mother. How could she not see that he'd never hurt that baby? Aren't women supposed to be attuned to that stuff? Aren't they supposed to have some sixth sense that sounded an alarm in their head when they were in danger?

He remembered opening his mouth, all he saw was red, all he could think was that he'd just turned into a dragon, that he was breathing fire and that he was going to destroy everything. After everything he'd done, after proving himself and struggling, people could still see him like that, people who didn't even know him... He could only think violent, angry thoughts. He'd fucking show her, he'd remove her from this world, punish her for her fucking terrible judgement. He'd save that little boy from this evil, evil woman and take that baby and never let anything hurt him.

Someone had fought him, someone had jumped in and grabbed him, and he swung at them, he flailed and raged and screamed and clawed at anything within reach, just like he felt like doing now. He couldn't handle it, this awful, insidious fire inside him, it was eating him alive now, burning him from inside out and he had to kill it. He had to escape, he had to rip it to pieces and defeat it once and for all.

He kept fighting, kept screaming and screeching, only distantly aware of the multiple voices shouting back at him, one screaming insults, one trying to get through to him. Someone was still holding him down, he was being bombarded with attacks, and the fire wasn't dying out. He had to fight harder.

Then the sudden, overwhelming pain zapped through him, he remembered being on the floor, unable to control himself anymore as he stared distantly into the carpet, drooling on himself and laying there limply while something fastened itself around his wrists. He was picked up and carried somewhere... and by the time he regained control of his mind and body, he was in the back of a police car, hands secured behind his back, looking out the window as a familiar white Cadillac drove past.

"'Cos I'm only human... I'm only human... Just a little humaaann..." He muttered finally, sniffing heavily afterward and dragging his arm heavily across his face.

Shit. Tears. He was crying.

Hidan San... was crying.

"Fuck..." He said weakly, letting his head flop back down onto his crossed-again arms. He didn't cry. He never cried, not even when he was so drunk that he couldn't remember his own name. He hadn't cried in so long that part of him had begun to think that he'd simply lost the ability. But here he was, a lump of pathetic human being huddled in the corner of his cage, bawling like a little fucking girl.

"It's not fair..." he said aloud, unable to sort the flood of thoughts and emotions that had come washing in anew. He tipped his head up again, looking up at the concrete ceiling, ignoring the security camera in the corner, blinking at him again and again with it's little red light.

"Why?" He said, straining to hear over the heavy silence of his sound-proof cell. "I know I've been a shitty person. You  _know_  that I know. You  _know_  I'm sorry for it. You  _know_  I'm trying to fix this..."

He waited for a brief eternity more, gritting his teeth and feeling his face contort as he held back that desperation again, the urge to cry. Then he let his head flop back down. "I don't understand... I don't get it. Fuck... Why can't you... why can't  _I..._ " He sighed, unsure of how to even continue, unsure he even wanted to. What was the point? He fucked up again. He could never live this down. He didn't even remember what he'd done. It was bad though, he'd fought so hard, he'd lashed out. Oh God... if he'd hurt that baby...

Again he recoiled into himself.

"Just kill me. Just let me die. If you're not gonna help me. Just let me fucking die..." He said quietly, then nearly jumped out of his skin when the heavy metal door clacked and then slid open roughly.

"Alright 'you'. Time to go." A deep voice echoed into the empty room. He didn't react, only continued sitting there in that little huddle in the corner. He didn't want to get up, or go anywhere. He just wanted to sit here and die.

"Hey? Didja hear me? Someone bailed you out, get up and let's go." The body-less voice said, footsteps seeming louder than possible as whoever it was came up to him and grabbed roughly onto his wrist.

For a brief second that anger burst again, and he jerked his head up and ripped his hand away, growling like an animal as he did so. Then the guard glared at him, stepping back and placing a hand over the little pouch that contained his taser, readying himself to be attacked. Hidan blinked, and forced the anger away, letting the depression flood back in as the only alternative he could muster.

"I don't want to go anywhere. Just let me fucking rot here." He mumbled, unable to meet the man's eyes.

"As much as I'd love to do that, I can't. You gonna get up and walk out on your own or do I need to drag you out?" There wasn't the slightest bit of sympathy or understanding in that voice. This man didn't care, he was just doing his job, just another ant in this giant fucking ant hill called Earth, slaving away at his duty until the day he died.

Fucking stupid life... What is life anyway? Is it just not-death? Is everyone just stuck in Not-death right now? Floating around in purgatory until something could be decided for them. Is that why he couldn't die? Why he couldn't feel without it resulting in pain? He wasn't actually alive, he was just a soul pretending to be alive...

He was shaken by his thoughts when the guard grabbed him by his shoulders and yanked him to his feet with a bit of an effort. He tried to focus on what was going on, marveled at how insane he actually was. Who in their right mind actually asked to  _stay_  incarcerated? Fuck, it made sense to him though. There were only two people he knew of in this world that had the kind of money to pay his bail and cared enough about him to go to the trouble, and he didn't have even the most remote desire or courage to face either of them. Though it didn't seem like he had a choice any longer.

The man slapped handcuffs on him again, a safety protocol. For half a second the thought flit through his mind that he could just whirl around and attack the guard, that would get him thrown in actual jail for a month at least. Then he wouldn't have to face his friend or Kakuzu...

His skin crawled suddenly at that.  _Kakuzu_.

If there were any God at all he would make sure that the old miser was not the one standing out there when they walked through that blue door at the end of the hallway. Fear flashed through him, no... he definitely couldn't face Kakuzu, not right now. Again he considered turning around and kicking his escort right in the face and running like hell. This man didn't understand, no one understood, having to see the Doctor, to look in his eyes after pulling this stunt...

Oh God... word had probably already got around town, despite him only being locked up in this place for a few hours. Everyone probably knew what happened, the entire town was probably buzzing with this newest gossip. After all, everyone seemed to know who he was now after that party. He could hear it now, ' _I knew he was bad news."_

Shit. Kakuzu had legal rights to fire him now... He could lose his job, there was no way he would stay with him after this. God, That bastard probably wouldn't even speak to him. Should he even bother going in to work on Monday? And Itachi, Itachi probably hated him... After everything the Uchiha had given him, he'd gone and thrown it away. He should have just left, he never should have stayed. He shouldn't have let Kakuzu convince him to stay, he should have quit the job and skipped town and none of this would have ever happened. At least that way he wouldn't have had anything to lose in the first place.

Everything was gone. In that one fucking moment of stupidity, his whole world had crumbled. Everything he'd built up, everything that had kept him going. Everything that was worthwhile about him...

He really was worthless now...

The fear left, the depression came sweeping back, so strong now that he had to bite his own tongue to keep from sobbing again. You know what? He hoped it  _was_  Kakuzu. He deserved this misery, he deserved whatever the miser was going to say to him or do to him. He deserved whatever breakup or lay-off was coming. He hoped the man would beat the shit out of him, he had no idea why... Aside from the fact that he was in full-blown self-destruction mode now. If Kakuzu wouldn't make him bleed he'd have to do it himself. He needed to be hurt, he'd fucked up, if someone wouldn't punish him for this shit, he'd do it himself...

He blinked... God he really was fucking insane wasn't he?

Finally they'd reached it, the door that lead out to the big open area where everyone who was brought in awaited their sentence. He sucked in a quick breath before it, fear swarming back again and mixing with his depression to the point where his head was swimming and he almost couldn't even function enough to move as the guard shoved him through the only solid thing standing between him and whatever fate he'd been resigned too. His legs kicked in at the last second, catching him from falling directly onto his face. After a sloppy recovery he straightened up, unsure of exactly what emotion he was feeling now as he scanned the room for any familiar figure.

It wasn't until the guard grabbed his shoulder and started leading him in the right direction that he saw it. All emotion and thought was wiped completely from his head at the sight of the tired, reddened eyes glaring pure hell fire directly into his soul.

Kakuzu.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Today had actually been a good day aside from the brief phone call from Hidan. That had been completely unexpected, but at the same time had been surprisingly pleasant. His first reaction of course had been anger and repulsion. The little twerp had  _said_  he would be trying something this weekend, after all. Kakuzu was a little torn, as he stood there staring at the caller I.D. on his cell. On the one hand, Hidan was fucking annoying as hell and he didn't really feel like he had the mental capacity for the patience it would take to be around him right now, on the other hand, that little bastard had been getting him riled up with no outlet for the entirety of the week... and something obviously needed done about that.

Lucky for him he'd programmed Hidan's phone number into his own cell or he might have just answered without a second thought. Why or when exactly he'd added the little idiots number to his contacts failed to reveal itself, but then again a lot of things he'd done since that twerp had come trouncing in on his life didn't make much sense.

It had ended up being just a business call, surprisingly enough, though the little imbecile did have the nerve to make a smooching noise and laugh just before hanging up. Kakuzu hadn't thought much about it after remembering that Asuma Sarutobi and Kurenai Yuhi lived right below those two children. So Hidan was taking some initiative, good for him. It saved Kakuzu the pain of having to break the news and sit through the waterworks and pretend he cared. Honestly, if he didn't want cancer perhaps he shouldn't have smoked since he was a teenager...

Anyway, aside from that one small annoyance, it had been a relaxing day. He'd run all his usual errands, paid his bills, accomplished all his usual mind-numbing tasks necessary to the functionality of his lifestyle, come home, worked out for a good three hours, taken a shower, had made himself a fresh pot of coffee and was sitting down to watch the weather channel and unwind for the day when his phone suddenly went off for the second time.

'Kisame H.' It read.

He rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. Honestly, this whole 'inviting the other out for drinks' thing was already worn out. He needed at least another ten years of alcoholic abstinence before he could even consider walking directly into another nightmare such as the ones that had transpired during each and every one of the last sessions he and the oceanic man had had.

For a moment he considered letting it ring, he didn't want to be bothered now that he was finally feeling as if he might actually be somewhat relaxed. Now that somehow, despite how things had absolutely not gone back anywhere near normal, he somehow felt much more comfortable than he had for the previous 4 months of his life. Everything wasn't as it should be, but it was at least settling into a somewhat acceptable formation. Hidan wasn't plaguing his thoughts, and... Okay well actually that was usually the only thing that was ever off. But still, his mind was strangely at ease, this Saturday was a normal one, and he felt good. Or at least as 'good' as a Doctor Hoku could feel... But, Unfortunately, that damned sense of duty and asinine friendship he had won out in the end, and he answered his phone. Honestly, he needed to learn to stop doing that, Caller I.D. was developed for a reason, was it not?

And now he was on his way to the local police station to pick up his employee.

Why? He honestly had no idea.

Possibly so he could kill the man with his own hands. That made more sense than any other implications that tried to sneak into his head.

He was pissed to all hell, just to put it lightly. His knuckles had long since lost blood flow as he gripped the steering with with enough force that the thing was actually warped slightly against his hold. And not just at that insolent little prick either, he was pissed at himself for being in the car right now, on his way to give up his precious money to save that little son of a bastard's ass.

God, this would be all over town in the morning, multiple witnesses will have seen him doing this, rumors would start to form. He could just hear them now.

 

'Why would the king of all assholes bail his secretary out of jail?'

'Come to think of it, That Hidan character has been working there an awfully long time hasn't he?'

'Didn't Dr. Hoku always have female secretaries before? They never lasted more than a few weeks...'

 

And they'd inexplicably put it all together just like that. Damn the fact that the inhabitants of this towns were all a bunch of brainless fools. Get enough stupidity together and eventually someone's going to get a clue. His clientele would disperse. His reputation, gone. His business, sunk. Everything he'd spent quite literally his entire life building up would be completely demolished by this one stupid fucking act of genuine and utter stupidity. One that could be avoided so easily, all he would have to do is say one simple word, one easy, small, two letter word and all this would be avoided and his clinic and persona would remain intact. He could just let Hidan rot, or wash his hands of it and let that blasted roommate of his mother and baby him until the end of time and excuse himself entirely from the situation. 'Hidan Who? Sorry, Never heard of him.' Oh God, if only he could speak those words with the truth... It's a shame that people who've never met that pest have no way of knowing how bloody lucky they are.

And yet for whatever stupid, idiotic, infuriatingly ridiculous reason... he couldn't seem to do that. It was almost as if some other force had stepped in and seized control of half of his mind and body, and refused to let the rational, logical half have any sort of power or influence over the other.

 

_._

 

_"Doctor Hoku..."_

_It took Kakuzu a minute to register the voice on the other end speaking to him, as there was no possible way that deeply feminine and soft voice could be Kisame. Finally it clicked in his brain and he was able to match a name and face to it._

_"Mister Uchiha." He growled. What the hell was that little punk doing calling him on Kisame's phone?_

_"Yes. I'm so sorry If I'm disturbing you It's just... I don't... know who else to turn to..." The breaking of the man's voice, which had previously been the icon of self-control, immediately peaked his curiosity and grabbed his attention, despite that it also made him inwardly recoil in preparation for whatever ridiculous scheme he was about to be subjected to._

_"What?" He demanded. He'd be damned if he was going to sit here and console a weeping little man-woman because Kisame did something stupid that hurt his feelings or anything of the sort._

_There was a very long silence, and a sigh, as if the boy were steeling himself. This of course made his agitation and curiosity grow. What the bloody hell was this about? "Out with it Uchiha, Believe it or not I have a life outside of dealing with that group you run around with."_

_Itachi cleared his throat, inhaled audibly, whooshed it out, and finally came out with it. "Hidan was taken into Police custody."_

_Kakuzu remained absolutely still, unable to make so much as a counter thought, at least until his voice replied for him. "You mean he's been arrested."_

_"...Yes."_

_"For what?"_

_"Assault, I believe, though He didn't actually strike anyone. (A pause and shifting) Except me while I was restraining him. He took a few swipes at the officer, but I don't believe anyone aside from myself was injured."_

_"I see..." No emotion. No thought. Absolutely nothing but pure calm. Obviously this was a prank call, it wasn't real. Hidan would never do something so stupid, he'd never disregard Kakuzu in such a way to get himself in that kind of trouble. It wasn't real, he'd just fallen asleep watching the weather channel. He'd wake up any second now._

_"He came down to make peace with Asuma and Kurenai. I... Don't know what set him off, I waited outside the door. Doctor I..." Another pause, one that seemed to last forever until the sound of a small sniff on the other side suddenly revealed to him that the Uchiha might possibly be crying at the very moment. Kakuzu was physically repulsed by this, and even drew his head away from the phone for a moment to grimace at it._

_"I don't know what to do. I... I'd never seen him in that state before. I couldn't snap him out of it no matter how I tried... You...(throat clearing) You are the only other person I know of that has ever had any kind of control over him, the only other person he cares about. If he won't listen to me, I can only hope he'll listen to you."_

_"It seems a little late to be talking any sense to the idiot, Uchiha." He ground out. Good Lord could this man be any more of a woman?_

_"I realize that this is past the point of prevention Doctor but you have to understand. I've never seen him that angry before, and you know what always follows his anger and outbursts... If he was at that emotional level from one side of the spectrum, then when he calms down he's going to revert to the complete opposite... do you understand?"_

 

.

 

The rest of the conversation after that was honestly a little hard to remember. It had taken a few seconds for everything to sink in. Itachi had waited patiently on the other end of the line until Kakuzu had finally succumb to the brief confusion, pinched himself, and then growled when he found that he actually was awake and that this was not any sort of prank or dream.

It was immediately after this that Itachi's words suddenly made sense, and clicked with something in his head. Flashes of that damnable dream he'd had only two weeks ago zapped through him. Hidan standing on that cliff, his hands stretched outward, eyes closed, a soft smile that doesn't show so much in the face as it did in the general language of the body.  _That's wrong..._  something informed him, he'd been wrong. Hidan wasn't standing there smiling, no. He'd been looking up at the sky, searching, questioning, pleading. Not crying, because Hidan didn't cry, he somehow knew without knowing.

 _"What do you think it takes to live forever_?" Hidan had asked him, so close to that ledge, where he would topple over and surely die from the impact of those wicked rocks. And Kakuzu understood, suddenly. Hidan did not want to live forever. This had nothing to do with immortality. All Hidan sought was understanding, and purpose.

 _I'm not worthless._  The albinos voice floated into him.

All he wanted was some reason to believe the things he wanted to. All he wanted was proof to himself that his existence meant something. 'There is no such thing...' Kakuzu had told him. There is no such thing as worthless? No, he'd meant immortality. There's no such thing as living forever... Right? No... he was corrected again by some odd voice in his own head. There is no such thing as worthless. Not in Hidan's case. Even Kakuzu had his purpose, no matter the means he justified it in.

" _There's no such thing as 'special'. I want to be special, even though I kind of don't. I don't know what I want, Kakuzu. Is that weird?"_  No Hidan. No one knows what they want, even if they think they do...

And then for that very brief second he knew exactly what Hidan needed to hear. He knew what he needed to say, everything somehow clicked so perfectly together for that one very fleeting moment in time. Hidan  _was_  special, he was more special than anything else in the world. Not for any particular reason, Kakuzu didn't need some dumb childish thing like logic, he just  _knew._ He was Hidan's God after all, was he not? It was about damn time Hidan started receiving some answers for all those questions of his, started receiving a foundation for that shaky faith and crumbling zeal. Because he was special, for whatever reason, he had come into Kakuzu's life, wreaked havoc, left it in shambles, and at the same time left that un-ignorable, un-erasable impression on that tiny, cold, dead organ deep inside him.

With a series of flashes he was grabbing his keys, starting his car, driving down the street... And now pulling up outside of the police station. And somehow in the process of this that absolute certainty just evaporated as if it had never been there before. Life was a bitch like that, you know?

 

.

 

There were no words to describe the amount of anger he felt. He world definitely had a distinct red tint to it, his head was throbbing with a migraine, and of course there was the overwhelming desire to grab anyone who so much as glanced at him by the throat and throw them as far as gravity would allow. The last he did his best to keep reigned in, as he would need all his strength for all the terrible ideas flooding his mind regarding how exactly he was going to punish that idiotic little albino for this stunt.

It was with great effort that he managed to calmly reach forward and slowly open the door to the station. It was with great effort that he managed to speak with a level voice to the woman who greeted him and follow her at her insufferably slow pace down the multiple corridors to the large room where a number of heavily chained, pissed off/ crying people sat in numerous chairs all a fair distance away from each other. It was with great effort that he somehow managed to stand and wait patiently after giving them a check for the money they required, feeling more as if he were signing away his soul for such a ridiculous sum (Dear Benjamin was Hidan really worth that much? ...Yes... unfortunately he was... damn it all...) while they went and fetched the object of his tremendous fury.

When the door opened, and he saw the flash of silver hair emerge from behind it, saw that damnable employee and young whatever-he-was-romantically of his stumble out, he was restraining himself only by the smallest of hairs from bulldozing his way directly across the room and pummeling the boy. His fists were long numb from being clenched in the pockets of his slacks, his jaw felt it might just snap right off from the extreme pressure of keeping it clamped shut, his body visibly trembled with the damn adrenaline pumping through him, begging time to hurry the hell up so he could get out of visual range from this place and quite literally murder the brat.

It was then that the strangest thing happened. Even stranger than everything that had transpired during his short time of knowing the jinx known as Hidan. The guard put a hand on the man's shoulder, turning him, and those peony-pink eyes flicked across the room and came to a rest meeting Kakuzu's gaze without one single detour anywhere else, as if they had been trained to locate him specifically, to lock on, and to never waver. And when this happened, Everything went away.

_Salty air blowing past them in heavy and gentle gusts alike. Hidan's back to him, hair tousled from the wind, staring up at the sky with arms held out and fingers splayed._

There was no other way to explain it. Nothing else made sense. There was no logical way to describe the absolute nothingness that suddenly possessed his very soul, staring into those damn eyes. There was no emotion in them, nothing for him to read, nothing for him to determine what kind of thoughts were going through the little masochists mind. It wasn't like in the stories and the television shows where somehow the character in his position could somehow inexplicably read their mind and knew exactly what they were thinking. It was nothing like that.

Because there was nothing.

That wasn't even Hidan walking toward him. It was just a husk.

 

His skin prickled and Itachi's words flitted back into his brain. " _If he was at that emotional level from one side of the spectrum, then when he calms down he's going to revert to the complete opposite."_

 

That was what Hidan did. He got angry, then he calmed down, and he got depressed, and he gave up. He gave up and walked away.

 

_A cliff below those pale, bare feet. Crumbling, crumbling away. The urge to reach out and yank him back, to tell him to stop, the inability to do anything but stand and watch. 'What are you doing? You're going to die..."_

Those damn eyes still didn't leave his, even as he was led over to him, even as he came to stand in front of him and looked up at him with that absolute nothingness completely encasing his features. The guard stepped behind him, fiddling with the handcuffs and then removing them. Hidan's hands just fell limply to his side, and he still stared up at Kakuzu through his tousled bangs. No emotion, no thoughts, no anything.

 

Everything was just gone.

 

_A whisper of words, almost unheard in the wind. 'Are you good for me Kakuzu?' The earth beneath him crumbling further, the pale body sinking, inch by inch, falling further and further away from him, unable to move, or think, or do anything aside from feel the absolute terror encasing his body._

 

And it was then that he was suddenly aware that the room around them had come indescribably quiet. At the same time as that realization, his own heartbeat exploded in his ears, and he realized that he was in pain. Something inside his chest was hurting him terribly, so badly that he actually winced and had to resist the urge to reach up and clench at it.

_'Can you save me, Kakuzu?'_

_'No.'_

_'That's good, and bad. But mostly good.' I don't know if I want to be saved, I don't know what I want. 'So you can come with me?' You can show me Kakuzu? Give me reason, not what I want, what I need..._

_'Yes.'_

_A smile._

 

"Kakuzu..." Hidan said weakly. His heart gave another throb and he had to force himself to take a deep breath in through his nose before he could convince himself once again that he was still in reality and not some dreamscape. Well shit, now he couldn't remember any of the torture methods that came to mind, now he didn't know how to react...

"Let's go." His voice said for him, then his body even turned for him and walked away, unable to think coherent enough thoughts to turn and make sure the zealot was following.

 

.

 

Suddenly they were both in his car, sitting in utter silence. Finally it became too much for the older man after a whopping three minutes, and he forced out the first thing that came to mind when he tried to think of something to say.

"You're an idiot."

...Okay.. Sure. Yeah. He could go with that. Why the hell not? Hidan  _was_  an idiot. He had just fouled up immensely, he deserved at least some kind of berating.

Instead of a response though, the albino only gave him a sullen nod, pigment-less eyes fixed steadily out the front windshield, fogged over in the emptiness that still radiated outward from them.

Kakuzu found himself gripping the steering wheel again, this time out of some other emotion he couldn't quite name. "Dammit are you just going to sit there the whole time or are you going to explain to me what the hell is happening right now!?" He growled, mentally kicking himself for wording it like that after Hidan finally ripped his stare from the road ahead of them to turn to his employer.

"I don't think I could tell you if I wanted to..." He finally muttered. "Just hurry up and fucking fire me and break up with me and drop me off down at the tracks so I can lay there and wait for the next train."

 _Fire? Break up?_  Huh... Those hadn't even crossed his mind, surprisingly. But then again he'd been focusing pretty hard on murder...

"What the hell are you on about?" His voice said, betraying him before he could even think for a moment about those thoughts. "What the bloody hell is that kind of talk going to do for you?"

Hidan only regarded him expressionlessly with that mass amount of nothing. Kakuzu's chest hurt again and he found himself managing to summon up at least a little bit of his previous anger, mainly for the fact that he was somehow suddenly confused beyond all hell. Hidan didn't do this, he didn't act like this. He bounced right back every time and he was fine then. This wasn't Hidan... This was... just a husk.

"And stop making that face before I smack it off you. You act like the damn world is ending. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Me?! What the hell is wrong with  _you?_! Why are you being so fucking calm?! Why haven't you fucking killed me yet? I've been sitting here waiting for you to fucking explode and all you're doing is acting like... I don't even fucking know!"

"If you'd like me to start beating the shit out of you then i'd be more than happy to but first I'd like to know what the  _fuck_  you were thinking!"

"WHAT!? You think I purposely woke up today thinking 'hey lets see how I can ruin my fucking life, oh shit, let's go fucking attack some lady while she's holding her baby and then nearly try to kill our best friend and get taken to fucking jail so my fucking boss and boyfriend can pick me up and kill me. That seems like a good fucking plan!"

"What the hell are you talking about?!"

"I don't fucking know I never know what I'm talking about! I never know what's going on! What the fuck is wrong with you! Just fucking kick me to the curb already and stop fucking around!"

_I don't know why I want... Only what I don't want. And that doesn't help at all..._

"If I was going to leave you then I wouldn't even  _be_  here right now you disrespectful, insolent little fucking pest!" Kakuzu snarled, slamming the brakes to make the car screech to a halt and them slapping the shifter into park. The anger was bubbling over now, but not just anger for the sake of being angry. It stemmed from somewhere else, somewhere he couldn't see.

Hidan's eyes remained wide, still sitting in a position to brace himself against the sudden halt of the vehicle. Kakuzu whirled to face him, grabbing him by the collar of his rumbled shirt and bringing their faces inches apart. "You think after all the shit I've been put through because of you. Of everything I've risked, of all the money I've  _wasted,_ that I'd be so stupid as to just let you go?"

Hidan's face wasn't blank anymore, at least. He seemed genuinely scared, and perhaps even a little bit confused.

"I thought I'd made it perfectly clear last time that I'm not going anywhere. I don't appreciate you trying to scare me off by acting like this. So listen here you little shit, get this through your thick fucking skull before I have to grab a hammer and  _beat_  it into you.  _You are mine._  And I don't give up my things under  _any_  circumstances."

_I can give you what you need AND what you want... I can be your god._

_He took Hidan's hand, and he took the steps up to him, and he grabbed the smiling fool..._

And drew him close and he kissed him as long and hard as he could.

Because oblivion and death and the unknown were terrifying. But living without this chaotic nuisance, this leverage that balanced out his normal, rational life... This one single man that somehow gave everything deeper meaning and an enlightening sense of beauty. This man that made the smallest of things seem so significant...

_The cliff fell away beneath them, his stomach lurched as they began to fall. He opened his eyes too look at Hidan's, afraid for the fact that he was so unafraid. And he realized that they weren't falling._

Hidan was staring at him with that mischievous grin as they sat there, floating in that one timeless moment, frozen in space... Because as long as Hidan was with him, everything was okay. Even when nothing made sense, everything was okay, everything was right.

Because losing Hidan meant oblivion and death. Without Hidan, everything was unknown, nothing made sense, even when it didn't but still did. Because this was something more, because this was something real. Kakuzu didn't need logic. What place did logic ever really have in this irrational world?

"It's all about perception... Hidan..." He muttered. Those pale eyes widened, they fogged over and watered, and with one single tear, Hidan leaned forward and kissed him again, as hard and long as he could.

"I think I love you..." Hidan whispered when he finally pulled away, making Kakuzu's heart wrench in on itself and forced a choked sound of disbelief from him. He stared into those pigment-less eyes, feeling like he could explode right there at that very moment... and that would probably be okay.

"I know..." Kakuzu said back, for once speaking for himself. Meaning to say it, needing to say it. "I know..." He said again quietly, leaning forward and resting his forehead against Hidan's, placing his hand around the back of his neck. "I think I do too..."

 

-o-

 

_He's just a person, you know, in the grand scheme of things. And when you really get down to it, he's probably not nearly as special as he feels to me. The universe won't take notice of him, most of the world won't either. But people like me would..._

_"When the straight and narrow get's a little too straight, just follow your arrow wherever it points."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand that concludes this story. :)  
> Thanks for reading, have a nice day, pitchforks are on the left, torches on the right, maps to my house are sold all along the way.
> 
> Hah. Just kidding.  
> This really is the last chapter, but there's an epilogue left. So don't kill me just yet.  
> ((Song used in this chapter is 'Human' by Christina Perri))


	26. Epilogue

"You little worm." Kakuzu growled, snatching Hidan by the collar of his shirt just before the younger whirled fully around, successfully stopping his mad dash to the front door. With a none-too-gentle jerk he pulled him close, letting the shorter remain on the floor only for the fact that he didn't have a strong enough grip on the fabric to lift him up and therefore incapacitate him.

"Ka-Kakuzu! Calm your fucking tits okay?! I can explain this one!" Hidan shrilled in his surprise after being ambushed immediately after shutting the door, those annoying little fingers prying desperately at Kakuzu's in some vain attempt to save himself.

"I don't know what part of your stupid brain keeps rationalizing that I give a damn about your excuses, Hidan." He snarled back, trying not to let it reflect on any part of his being how much he always enjoyed watching the pale man struggle to escape his hold. " And I'm getting tired of explaining it to you time after time. If you haven't learned this after 7 months then there really may be no hope for you at all."

"Kakuzu I swear to God! It's not even mine!" Hidan half-shouted, voice breaking as his struggling only succeeded in tightening the knot of clothing around his throat. The Doctor raised a skeptical brow at this, permanently bloodshot eyes boring into that peony pink. Well at least the little imbecile knew  _why_  he was in trouble this time. In a way he  _was_  learning. But then Hidan paused for a moment, chewing on his lip, and the elder man's brows fell back down in anger. The little rat was lying, going so far as to even bring his religion into it. It was the one tell Kakuzu had always thought he could rely on. When Hidan ' _swore to God_ ', he was telling the truth. But that didn't seem to be the case this time. In fact he knew it wasn't. How could it be? He'd practically caught the twerp red-handed!

"Okay okay it  _IS_  mine." He quickly corrected, unable or unwilling apparently to face the wrath of God for his lie. Kakuzu would have gripped harder if he wasn't already doing it with as much might as a man has in a single hand. Hidan sputtered on. "But it wasn't my idea! I'm not even shitting you Kakuzu! Seriously!"

The doctor made no movement what-so-ever, only glaring back at the idiot with all the fury he could pump through his body language. The little pest, after everything he'd done, he goes and does some brainless thing like this, not even stopping to consider the consequences, how much damage it would do to everyone associated with him, everyone who'd ever stood up before a court-appointed jury and claimed 'Hidan is a good person! This is the truth!'

"Oh C'mon Kuzu! I'm Weak! You know I have so self-control it's really not my fault! I told that dumb shit it was a terrible idea and he said 'Just hold it for me, no one will suspect you!' And so I did it but I swear I was only just going to hold it and then he went to jail and it was just fucking sitting there,  _begging_  me to smoke it and I fucking told it no but Goddammit Kuzu this brain of mine you know I get so stressed over the dumbest shit and it just helps me relax-"

"Hidan." He growled, sighing despite himself and loosening his grip. The little idiot was rambling on so frantically and so quickly that his words were beginning to bleed together even further, combining themselves into this irritating hum that pounded mercilessly on the inside of Kakuzu's skull.

"What's even the harm in it Kuzu? I mean those fucking prescriptions 'Tachi and Pineapple-head had me on did more damage than weed ever did! I promise I'm always careful, I only have a little at a time just right before bed, it helps me sleep without you, you know? I've actually slept the full fucking 8 hours every day this week with the help of-"

"Hidan." He said more forcefully now, giving him the smallest of shakes to stop his insipid rambling. He was furious, pissed, absolutely flowing with rage, but damn it all if he wasn't exhausted in equal proportions... Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't Hidan just have a little dignity, maybe remain silent and bite his tongue for once? Take his beating like a an and be done with it instead of squirming like a damned boneless rat in his grip, always just inches from escape, chattering on and on, excuses and lies and whine, whine,  _whine._

"I was gonna tell you about it Kuzu, really! I was just waiting until Itachi and Shark-dick got back from their stupid little vacation so I could get him input on it first 'cuz you know this fucking brain of mine doesn't always fucking work like it should..."

Or maybe not even do it in the first place. That would be wonderful. Kakuzu would go back to fucking school just to become a brain surgeon if only for the sake of removing the part of Hidan's brain that made him so damn... _Hidan-like._

"And I know, I know I should've just not done it in the first place. I made a fucking mistake, it's that fucking snowfall effect or whatever the hell it goes. I've been sitting here stressing and stressing over this one little fucking thing and I was gonna just throw it away but I kept thinking 'what if they figured out it was mine?' or 'what if someone see's me.'

Finally there was a pause as Hidan seemed to be trying to catch his breath. Kakuzu took the chance to guide him over into the tiny living area that honestly struck him as a ripoff for what Hidan had to pay for rent to live here and shoved the blissfully silent man so that he fell backward onto the cheap recliner he'd stolen from the donations in the back alley of a Salvation Army.

"Hidan..." He breathed again, letting himself lower down to the couch on the mirroring wall, an entire 2 feet from the chair.

"What?" The younger finally replied, looking as if he might take the advantage to bolt from the apartment.

"I wouldn't care, under normal circumstances. You should know that by now." He explained wearily, massaging his eyes with one hand and the back of his neck with the other. Strangely enough it was the truth, He wasn't unreasonable, and he may be old but he was not  _that_  old. His sick mother had kept that stuff around in stashes all over the house. And being a doctor, he knew a thing or two about it, with each passing year the arguments to legalize the stuff became more and more of a common thing, the studies were everywhere a person in his business looked!

No, he wouldn't have cared, under normal circumstances. Compared to the things Hidan used to indulge himself with... well... he wouldn't have cared. And it was hard getting himself to care now, anger took so much energy anymore, that idiot across from him seemed to have Kakuzu's age wrapped around his dimwitted little fingers, adjusting it with the drop of a hat, completely unaware. One moment he feels fine, full of energy, the closest thing to genuinely happy someone like himself could get. Then suddenly came the days like this, where his physical body rocketed down the timeline and he suddenly felt as if each movement required more effort than it should, like his muscles had deteriorated and his bones grew feeble and just getting up to take a piss was like hiking a mountain side.

"But dammit, Hidan, you are on a probation period until February. If they caught you with this not only would you be taken and shoved away in some dark corner, safe from the rest of society, I would get black marks on my record as well for sticking my damn neck out for you at the trial." Black marks, more like giant, festering piles of decomposing shit stamped across his forehead. ' _Kakuzu Hoku hired a dope user? Even defended him in a court of law? What if he uses too? The man's eyes are always so red, ohhh, we're not going_ there _anymore...'_ CRASH! The sound of his business and everything he'd spent years building up colliding headfirst into the ground, big fiery explosions, people running and screaming in terror...

About halfway through this, Hidan's body seemed to lose all solidity and slumped down into the chair like a blob of jelly. "I fuckin' know... dammit. I just don't fucking understand..."

The Doctor snapped back to attention, eyes narrowing. "What's there not to understand?! It's not that hard you bloody idiot! Don't do anything illegal. Simple as breathing!"

"It's not that fucking simple at all! There's nothing for me to fucking vent my frustration and shit through! Nothing that's fucking 'legal' at least. No matter what I do you're fucking mad at me or Itachi's disappointed in me. Why do I even fucking bother trying to get things right anyway!? Why can't you guys just stop fucking controlling me huh?!"

"When the law is no longer looking for any excuse to throw you in the nearest prison or mental institution, I would be happy to release the reigns. You think I enjoy babysitting a grown man?"  _Here we go again, more arguing, more anger, more energy..._

"Fuck you!"  _Hidan feels attacked and can't think rationally. He goes into defensive offense._ Itachi had told him this after those first few weeks of their relationship, as if he didn't already know. Like a cornered animal, wild and desperate for a way out. But threaten him and he goes from a measly frightened squirrel to a rapid badger.

"And what about your damned music or art or whatever the hell it's called anymore. " Kakuzu said, waving his arm in the direction of the bedroom where Hidan kept his guitar.  _Distract him,_ The Uchiha says.  _When you just don't have the energy, distract him, he'll clam down. And you can get to the heart of the issue faster._ "You can't channel your idiotic  _feelings_  through that anymore?" Maybe, if he could get himself to stop insulting the little moron as well it would probably help things, but dammit, how thoughtless could a person be!?

"Tch. What the fucking point?"

Kakuzu ground his teeth, more anger and confusion pouring into him and relighting the previous fire which had burned away thanks to his insane lack of energy. It was infuriating, being so damn exhausted. His idiot of a best friend and that Uchiha boy had only been gone on their trip to visit Kisame's dying aunt for a week now, and yet Kakuzu felt as if he were running a 24 hour marathon every day trying to keep Hidan from screwing up all on his own. Honestly, that Uchiha had gained another level of respect in his mind for managing to do this without assistance for however long it had been before Hidan had made his wretched appearance in the Doctor's life.

After he'd bailed the twerp out of jail those some months ago, they'd returned to the two men's shared apartment where he'd had to resist the urge to murder everyone as the Hidan first got in a small argument with each and every one of them, three times at the very least. Itachi slapped the albino for 'scaring the ever loving shit out of him' -He actually said shit, and for once it didn't sound awkward or forced- and then finally things settled down and Kakuzu was able to go home for the night, only to be woken early the next morning by an incessant pounding on his door.

 

_._

 

_The instant he'd snapped back to consciousness he was in a terrible mood, which really had become normal for him anymore. The fact that someone had the audacity to wake him up on a Sunday when he was trying to enjoy a well-deserved morning of sleeping in didn't help._

_With a sound just below a roar of pure rage he threw the covers off himself and stormed through the house, anger rising with each and every pound to the hunk of metal that was currently the only thing keeping him from annihilating whatever life form was outside. He snapped the deadbolt, undid the knob-lock, and threw open the door only to be greeted by the sight of a pale man in rumbled clothes that suggested he hadn't slept at all, or even attempted to._

_"Can I live with you?" He asked, not letting even a fraction of a second slip in there for Kakuzu to say anything first. This of course shocked him into speechlessness, which made Hidan start to fidget._

_"Please?"_

_The doctor squinted at him, then leaned slightly to look behind him, trying to discern what time of day it might be, -about 10, he thought- and then attempted to look at his watch only to remember he hadn't put it on before raging through the house to answer the door._

_"What time is it?"_

_It was Hidan's turn to look at him in confusion, those soft pigment-free eyes skirting up and down his body as if only just now realizing- "Did you just get up or something? Shit, I figured you for one of those 'rise with the sun' type of people..."_

_Kakuzu chose to ignore this, instead twisting around to glance at the clock in the foyer. It was indeed 9:43 in the morning. He'd been right and wrong. Not that it mattered much._

_"Go put a fucking shirt on old man. That's distracting, seriously." Hidan said, raising a flattened palm to block his view of Kakuzu below the neck._

_Ignoring the comments, he released a stream of air that came out in a sleepy growl. "Why the hell are you beating down my door on a Sunday? Haven't I been punished enough for one weekend?" Honestly, the things that had happened yesterday... the words that had been spoken between them. Like some heavy secret, the size of a butterfly but with the weight of an elephant, settled unflinchingly on his shoulders. It still made sense, all those strange, unfamiliar feelings and revelations were fresh in his mind, but there was still this hole that left him... somewhat afraid. And of course, like always, that inner fear only radiated outward into anger and resentment._

_Hidan had told him he loved him, and he had practically said it right back. And he was experiencing the same confusion he had at every other 'milestone' he and Hidan ever seemed to come to, asking the same question; Now what?_

_Good god, did people in normal relationships deal with this kind of bullshit? Is this how they all were? If that were the case it was probably a good thing he'd never bothered with it until now, such a thing would get extremely tiresome extremely quickly._

_"My fuckin' thoughts exactly." Hidan said, pushing past him with uncharacteristic agile-ness. Kakuzu blinked at the empty doorway for a second, questioning his own sanity and Hidan's ability to read his mind before he recalled what he'd just said before that train of thought had derailed. Slamming the door, he rubbed his eyes wearily and whirled around to grab that moron by the throat and forcibly remove him from his house before he was fully awake and unable to return to bed. Unfortunately Hidan had already disappeared somewhere into the house, his obnoxious voice bouncing off the many walls and informing the still-slightly-asleep Doctor that he was likely in the living room already._

_"I promise you wouldn't even know I was here. You don't even have to give me a room like Itachi did, just let me crash on your couch on the rare occasions that I actually feel the need to sleep."_

_He entered the living room to find the pest already making himself comfortable on the couch, as if some invitation had been offered. Kakuzu stood still for a moment, absently watching Hidan while his mind raced through possible options. He could kick the brat out, but that required so much effort, and he was already exceptionally drained of energy this morning. He could just let him stay and go back to sleep, but what were the chances that loud-mouthed fool would actually keep quiet and let him rest? Did he even know what the meaning of 'quiet' was?_

_"Mind if I make some coffee? I had kind of a bullshit night."_

_No, obviously he did not._

_"Hidan..." Kakuzu half-growled, now remembering why he hadn't instantly murdered the little idiot. That question he'd immediately spouted off had thrown him. Of all the stupid questions that had ever come out of that accursed mouth... "Absolutely not."_

_Hidan twisted around, and suddenly Kakuzu realized that the man's clothes were not the only thing on his person that seemed a little ragged. Hidan's eyes were sunken and bloodshot, his hair was in the same uncombed state as it had been when the elder man had picked him up from the jailhouse... Hidan had been in kind of a pathetic looking state then, but it hadn't been this bad. Something else had obviously occurred between when he left and just now._

_"You mean I can't make coffee or I can't stay?"_

Neither, _he almost said, but unable to speak the actual word now that he'd taken notice. Part of him wanted to continue being an ass anyway, Hidan liked it, after all. And what concern was it of his if that Uchiha boy had decided to kick him out? Or he ran away, or whatever stupid thing the bloody infantile man might do..._

_"Is there some problem with where you are now?" He finally forced out, kind of-sort of already knowing the answer. For whatever reason he obviously didn't have the option of staying with the Uchiha any longer. But, depending on the circumstance, maybe he could fix the situation..._

_"Well... you can't really stay in a place once you've been evicted, Kuzu."_

 

_._

 

"As I am to understand, you made some huge ordeal out of learning to play that wretched thing." He continued now, sitting on Hidan's couch in Hidan's little apartment and trying to remember why he'd initially come over here. Everything before he'd detected the unmistakable smell of marijuana and sniffed out the man's stash like a bloodhound seemed a little bit fuzzy. " You and that pink haired girl wouldn't shut the hell up about your little stunt at that ridiculous party. You've been constantly harassing me about  _my_  interests in music, and wailing out your insufferable songs like a bitch in heat since then, and now all the sudden you want to know ' _what's the point?'"_

"Tch, all you ever do is complain about it, so why should I keep doing it? No one's going to listen to someone who sounds like a horny dog."

"The whole point of a hobby is that you enjoy doing it, you idiot."

"Yeah well how am I supposed to enjoy it when you fucking hate it?"

"Don't make this about me you little-"

"Why the fuck wouldn't it be about you? You're only like my whole life now!"

Kakuzu paused, halfway tensed to rise from the couch and beat some sense into the moron. Hidan has NEVER been one to care what anyone else thought, not about anything. He'd admitted once that Kakuzu was the only person outside of Itachi that he'd ever cared about, but that had all just been a matter of them admitting that they had these stupid urges and feelings toward each other. It had never even occurred to him until now that the fact may still hold true, that Hidan would actually have his feelings hurt by Kakuzu not supporting him.

But it  _was_  true. Hidan still had yet to make any real friends other than their little four man cell. And especially with two of those men gone, Kakuzu was all he had. Which translated to, the only thing he had was negative feedback, despite the fact that Kakuzu actually rather enjoyed Hidan's singing and playing and only insulted him about it out of pride and that annoying thought that he had to be an asshole all the time, even without any sort of reason behind it.

Internally, Kakuzu rolled his eyes. Dear Benjamin, kids these days... It was a wonder they've even survived this far! Always constantly needing reassurance and acceptance of others before they could be confident. And when they didn't get it, when instead they received criticism and rejection, oh lord, it was tantrum city. 'Fuck the haters!', they say, 'Fuck this and fuck that and fuck all of it!' Bloody children. Just like Hidan, children stuck in an adult body. Everything is always someone else's fault...

"I don't get the point of it..." Hidan continued, sullen and once again slumped into the recliner. "I mean, I like doing it. But what's the point of doing something that I'll never fucking progress with you know? I can't make a fucking lifestyle out of it, I don't even really want to. Being famous is kind of bullshit, the way I see it. All the shit celebrities have to deal with..."

Kakuzu paused in his thinking at that statement. So it wasn't just about the fact that he constantly told Hidan he was terrible and told him to shut up and 'knock that racket off before I break the damn thing'. Of course there was more, that damn albino.

_I want to be special, even though I kind of don't..._

The Doctor had recently forgotten that he had moments where he was incredibly thoughtful and bright, it hadn't happened in so long. Or he hadn't noticed it at least. He'd been rather caught up in trying to overcompensate for the calamity that had happened to his life and business those few months ago after Hidan had been arrested. Of course the whole town had heard almost instantly that the respectable Dr. Hoku's new secretary, the sensation among the younger generation, had been taken into custody for 'assaulting a man with cancer and a woman holding a newborn baby.' Despite the fact that Asuma Sarutobi had finally gotten the gall to speak out against his wife and defend Hidan and that the charges had been dropped. The judge seemed to have some vendetta against the man after looking through his legal records, and had insisted that  _some_  kind of punishment was due. Hidan of course had become infuriated at this, and likely would have earned himself time in prison had Kakuzu not jumped in at that very moment and convinced the man that some community service and parole would be just as good a punishment to Hidan as Jail-time.

In the end Hidan's popularity had instantly fallen to an all -time low. Not just from that catastrophe, but also the women of the town had gossiped among themselves of his less-than-polite behavior toward them. And in what had seemed no time at all Kakuzu was now employing and secretly dating the most hated man in the community, labeled as even more of an asshole than himself. Such a thing was far beyond stressful, the days had become increasingly rare when he could just go home and relax and not have to concern himself with it. Especially now that Hidan had more or less been forced to be on his own and take care of himself...

 

.

 

_"Ow! Motherfff-! Dammit Shark-dick what the fucking hell are you doing!?"_

_"Whoops, sorry kid. You sure you don't want the lighter end?"_

_"I'm not a goddamn whimp I can fucking carry a goddamn couch. Just slow the fuck down, these stairs are fucking steep as hell!"_

_"Hidan... I might suggest you clean up your language, and keep your voice down. This is the only complex in town that was willing to have you. I wouldn't give the other tenants reason to try and get you kicked out of here too..."_

_"Tch. Maybe if you weren't leaving me high and fucking dry I wouldn't have to be in this shit-hole, 'Tachi. OWWGODAMMIT!... DUDE! Are you trying to make me lose my fingers or what!?"_

_"Oh for the love of my sanity. Move the hell over you idiot, I'll do it."_

_"Fuck off Old man I can fucking handle it!"_

_Kakuzu shoved Hidan out of the way with his hip after grabbing the bottom of the couch. This scene was a bloody embarrassment already and if he was going to be tounge-lashed and tricked by that Uchiha boy into helping the moron move then it needed to be done quickly and efficiently. All this shouting and swearing was only attracting attention, and it was already dangerous enough to his reputation for him to work with the boy, let alone associate with him outside of the clinic. And as far as he was concerned, helping someone move was a very large show of friendship, he was supposed to be Hidan's boss, an iron-fisted mentor that wouldn't stand for his shit and could successfully reform him into a respectable member of society._

_Moving furniture for him was hardly listed as punishment._

_In the time it had taken Hidan and Kisame to unload the couch from the trailer and bring it to the lower flight of stairs, Kakuzu and Kisame had carried it up, situated it in their grip so that it would fit through the narrow door, and placed it inside. Hidan of course had been griping and complaining the whole way, still throwing his little hissy fit because Kisame had decided to let Itachi move in with him after the two's eviction and thus left Hidan with nowhere to go. The doctor honestly thought they were taking things too fast, but he was hardly a person to offer advice on relationships, judging by the tangled, ugly mess he was in currently with Hidan. Who, speaking of which, was rather peeved at him as well for refusing to let the boy mooch off of him._

_Thankfully enough, Hidan hadn't seemed to argue too much when he informed him that it would be best if they spent as little time together as possible. The broken little mind of his at least seemed to understand the complexity of the situation, and what all was at stake. Their relationship would continue to exist as a secret known only by their closest of friends, meanwhile, Hidan would have to take a giant step forward in life by supporting himself like every one else in the world had to do._

_Itachi had helped him find the apartment, but it had once again taken Kakuzu's good standings in the town to convince the landlord to give the albino a chance, as everyone and their grandmother now seemed to be inexplicably aware of the one singular person known as Hidan San and all the trouble that seemed to follow him. Itachi's reputation as well had gone downhill, thought not as significantly as his ex-roommate. The complex manager appeared to be a homophobic idiot in Kakuzu's eyes, and thusly wouldn't take Itachi's vouching into account. This had bugged the Doctor for awhile, but Hidan seemed to be minding his manners as far as making it appear they weren't involved, and so the tension had decreased the slightest bit. Small towns were absolutely ridiculous, really. The measures a person had to go to just to have a little privacy..._

_Anyway, that had landed them all here, trying to get the vulgar brat moved in and out of their hair as quickly as possible. Kakuzu didn't waste any more time trying to let Hidan move anything that required more than just himself to lift, thankfully the place already came with the really heavy stuff, and all that was left after the couch was the recliner, an entertainment center, Hidan's makeshift futon bed from the apartment, and his dresser. Everything else were just small things; lamps, personal effects, blankets, a rug, some towels, dishes, an old clunky television Kisame had dug out of his attic, etcetc. Luckily for the old man, Hidan didn't really have a lot of stuff. Kisame repeatedly pointed this out and followed it with complaints about the mass amount of things Itachi had seemed to somehow stuff into that apartment. Dr. Hoku had only listened half-interested, glad himself that those two didn't have the gall to try and persuade them to help move the man-woman's things. This was plenty torture enough._

_Soon enough Everything had been situated, Kisame and the Uchiha boy said their goodbyes and Kakuzu was following them out the door when his wrist was grabbed, and his movement halted. With a tired sigh he turned around to find an expressionless Hidan staring at his chest and still gripping his arm, looking much like a shy, scared child._

_"What now?" He all but groaned, managing to make it come off as more of a growl._

_"...It stinks in here."_

_Crooking a brow, Kakuzu stared for a moment before rolling his eyes. "The manager said this apartment has been empty for nearly two years. It will go away."_

_Hidan was silent for awhile, long enough to make the Doctor's anger start to relight. Dammit, he wasn't just going to stand here and console the bloody moron. Just as he was going to yank himself free and continue on his way, Hidan let go, his arm swinging back to hang limply by his side._

_"I hate being alone."_

_Kakuzu sighed. "There are five other apartments here, make friends and you won't be."_

_"I hate people too."_

_"Well you're going to have to get over one or the other then. If you think I'm suddenly going to grow a garden of compassion and stay here with you then you've lost even more of your mind than I thought."_

_Hidan scowled at this, looking up to meet his eyes, then running a frustrated hand through his hair. "I just... Don't just fucking disappear okay? I mean, I know it's not so different between you and me, we only ever saw each other at work usually anyway. But... Last time I had my own place...Some shit happened."_

_The two only regarded each other in silence for a moment, Kakuzu trying to process this information and evoke some kind of a reaction from himself. Hidan didn't trust himself, the elder man could understand that. Hidan wasn't always oblivious. Usually, but not always. And having to put faith in himself, being given free reign like this was terrifying to him. It left so many doors of temptation open, all of which would just lead him back to his old ways, and likely to another mental institution._

_Kakuzu was no fool either, Hidan was terrified of losing him. He knew this, he had recognized it long ago, finally acknowledged it that night after he'd bailed him from jail. And the boy also knew that the biggest enemy he had to face in their relationship was himself. Unintentional self-sabotage. Even after that chaos, the idiot still wasn't convinced that Kakuzu Hoku wouldn't just give up and walk away. It made sense, surprisingly. But just knowing these things didn't help find any sort of solution. All there was to do was to keep trudging along. The Doctor would never admit it out loud, but after all of this, he couldn't imagine living without Hidan either. The prospect just suddenly seemed so... boring..._

_"Well. Don't think I won't be checking in on you. The officers around this town are a bunch of lazy imbeciles, they'd rather let you get away with murder than put forth the effort to do their job." He finally replied, earning the smallest twitch of a smile from the pale man._

_"Tch. Well make sure you give me fair fucking warning. You know. To hide the body."_

_"You're an idiot."_

_"But I'm_ your _idiot, Kuzu."_

_He halted in his actions, already halfway out the door, and turned back around, considering these words. Hidan just stared back with that damned grin of his, mischief sparkling in those damnable, endearing eyes of his as if nothing at all were the matter in his world despite._

_"You are." The doctor said lowly, and then turned to continue on his way._

 

_._

 

_"I think he knows he really is a special kind of person, and I think it scares the shit out of him."_

Kakuzu blinked.

"Itachi would just say I'm depressed. Which, I dunno, I might be. I just don't see the point of playing... "

"Again, Hidan. The point is that you enjoy it, and it keeps you away from doing things that would get you in trouble." Kakuzu sighed now, having been staring absently at the doorway. Well, it was a good thing he'd kept up his promise to check on him, Hidan had obviously not taken it seriously, or not expected Kakuzu to be so thorough, though honestly the entire place smelled of that terrible substance and only an idiot wouldn't notice... either way it is what it is. Hidan was slipping, and this couldn't be ignored, no matter how he rationalized it or defended himself. Not that that was a possibility, since Kakuzu rarely ever backed down anyway. "Which brings us back full-circle. Flush that shit down the toilet, or I will."

Hidan flailed back to life at this. "What!? But... There's only a little left, Can't I just finish out this batch and I'll never fucking touch it again!?"

"You really think I'm stupid enough to fall for that? Flush it, now."

"You fucking prick, I already told you I just use it to help me sleep!"

"Why don't you go to the pharmacy and get some sleeping pills like a normal, law-abiding citizen?"

"That shit doesn't work! Unless you wanna prescribe me some fucking Valium."

"Are you high  _right now_ boy? Why would I ever do a stupid bloody thing like that?"

Kakuzu was taken back immediately when Hidan suddenly jumped up from the chair, snarling in a way that he'd never heard the boy do before and frankly sounded more like one of the sounds he would make when he was excruciatingly angry. In a smooth motion the albino whirled around and kicked the side of the recliner with such force that it actually was knocked over onto it's side.

"I'm so fucking sick of all these double-standards!" Hidan screeched, breathing heavily. "You want me to be a good, upstanding fucking citizen but you won't help me fucking do it. You and Itachi both want me to eat three meals a day and get 8 hours of sleep a night but you lock me away in this shit little apartment without the means to fucking do it and then get mad at me when I find my own methods. You want me to stop smoking and cussing and shouting but refuse to let me do anything to fun to relieve the goddamn stress. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME HUH?"

"Hidan-"

"I'm not a perfect person, alright? I'm not you, and I'm not Itachi, I'm just me. Why can't you guys get the fuck over it? You think I don't  _want_  to be perfect? 'Cos I really fucking do, I'd give anything to stop being a fuck up and disappointing you over and over again. I don't have anything else to work for except making you proud of me. But I can't, I just can't! And I just need you to fucking love me anyway! I just want you to feel the way I feel about you. But instead all you ever see is some dumb ass that can't get his shit together."

Kakuzu was quiet, listening intently, doing his best to remain calm. Damn that Hidan, he was so goddamn enticing when he was angry. But this was serious, he couldn't give in. The rare times when he  _did_  end up backing down and letting Hidan get away with his behavior was always when he was worked up like this. That bastard, he threw his fit and got pissed and for whatever deranged reason Kakuzu suddenly wanted to grab him and fuck him into the mattress and then he would just grin that stupid grin and Kakuzu would grind his teeth and storm away knowing that he'd lost...

"I'm fucking trying okay! I'll flush the stupid weed. I'll break all my cigarettes, I won't even leave the apartment except to go to work and get fucking groceries, and when I do that I won't say a word to anyone. I'll just be a good little hermit for the rest of my life and not cause any trouble for anyone, anywhere until you retire. And maybe then you won't be so fucking concerned about everyone hating you for being with me, if you even stick around that long."

Finally Hidan offered a pause in his ranting, stopping to glare at his boss, still seated stoically on the couch. Kakuzu didn't break the gaze, letting the silence between them stretch on until finally he pushed himself up from the couch and moved over to the fuming man. He had a point... Once again he had a goddamned point. This was Hidan San, a troublemaker even when he was being good. Bad situations were encoded so deeply into his being that it's as if he were one big walking disaster. But, compared to the things he'd been through in his short life... He'd been doing very well. The Doctor supposed, from an observational standpoint, the boy probably deserved some slack. This entire time Kakuzu had been concerned only about what this relationship would do to him, he thought only about how strange it was for himself to be enamored with Hidan, of all the complications it would bring on his life. It was just natural to him, to be selfish and greedy, to expect Hidan to suddenly become a different person to suit Kakuzu's needs, because everything Hidan had been previous to meeting him was 'bad'. Of course it would be Hidan that would have all the work to do, of course Kakuzu would have nothing about himself to change.

And that's why he rose. Almost as if a slap to the face, another realization suddenly hit him. All this time, Hidan had been struggling, all the way from day one. Facing his demons, fighting his fears, resisting his desires (though not always that well) all for Kakuzu's sake. He obeyed every order he was given, sometimes reluctantly, but he eventually did it. He had kept dutifully quiet about their relationship. He poured himself into work to make Kakuzu's life easier in the instances that he could, that alone should strike him as a miracle for someone as attention deficit at Hidan... And all he'd received for all of this effort was more demands, more orders. Kakuzu hadn't had to give up a single thing except his own security, and here Hidan was, in his own place though he despised loneliness, all alone, but still fighting to do and be better, all for the sake of Kakuzu Hoku. In fact he'd just blatantly stated that he would gladly hole himself up in here and be completely miserable for however long it takes if that meant that eventually Kakuzu would come around and actually stay for once.

Hidan now stared at him suspiciously, body still tensed from the outburst, chest moving rhythmically in and out in his anger induced heavy breathing. The doctor could only stare back, trying to pinpoint just exactly what emotion this was that he was feeling. There had always been the want, the  _desire_  to have Hidan for himself. That wasn't quite it though. This was possessive... it was warm, and almost hurt... and he even grimaced slightly when he finally settled upon a word he thought fit, but would never speak aloud ever again.

Then, shocking even himself, he embraced the little idiot, far too confused by the action his body had displayed without his permission to say or do anything other than stand there and hold him. It was there again, that damned  _thing_. Not lust, something more, something deeper, more fulfilling. The  _thing_  that was not supposed to exist, the  _thing_  that people claimed to have and know only to turn around the next moment and claim they hated the person. That word, that stupid word that he refused to say...

After what seemed like an eternity, Hidan's limp body finally shifted, hugging him back. "Stupid old man..." He muttered into Kakuzu's shoulder, where his face was buried. "You think a hug is gonna make everything okay..."

"You..." Kakuzu said, not realizing he's craned his head down to put his cheek against Hidan's ear until he spoke. He couldn't continue right away, not exactly sure of what it was he was going to say. Still fighting, still resisting that damn feeling as if it were some invisible enemy trying to take him over, despite how good it actually felt. "You're doing well...Hidan."

Wide eyes were all he could really see when Hidan pulled away from him. He collected himself quick enough, but still stared skeptically at the old man.

"Well? I'm doing  _well_?"

Kakuzu stayed stiffly in that spot, feeling strangely self-conscious and incredibly uncomfortable. And still trying to discern what the hell he was thinking and doing at the moment. He managed to shrug his shoulders, and then his voice was speaking for him again. "Still a pain in the ass. But... you've come... a long way."

Again with the wide eyes, as if the Doctor were getting down on one bloody knee and proposing.

"I'm... proud of you..." Oh For the love of- did he really just say that?

Hidan really seemed to think the same thing, his face twisted in disgust for a brief second before that mouth of his was flapping once again.

"Oh my god. Are you sure  _you're_  not stoned right now? What? Are you like my fucking Dad now or something? Because that's  _really_  fucking unsettling and I'll probably have some serious fucking nightmares about that shit. The things we  _did_  together...Uuughh." He shuddered dramatically at the last bit, whirling to the side and vaulting over the couch. Kakuzu didn't pay much mind though, he was far too happy that the extreme discomfort of that moment was gone. At least there was one thing they had in common, witnessing the Doctor be sappy disgusted them both.

"That being so..." Hidan drawled, standing on his tip toes to peer out the only unbroken window of his front door. "No one saw you come over here right?" As he spoke, he reached down to snap the deadbolt lock into place, the sound of it seemed to bring the elder man back from his storm of relief.

"No. You know I always take a cab here. The driver knows to keep his mouth shut." He responded, now mirroring Hidan's previous suspicious looks. "Why are you locking the door..."

That mischievous grin spread across his young lovers face again as he turned. "I've been in this shit hole for almost 7 months now, you've visited me exactly 20 times counting this one, and we have yet to break the fucker in."

The Doctor raised a brow. Break  _what_  in? The door? Why the hell...

"I figure if I'm doing so fucking well then I deserve a goddamn reward."

He blinked. "Hid-" The rest of the sentence went unfinished at he was quite literally pounced on by a pale jungle cat of a man.

Damn that man. He could bounce back from anything. 'Special' didn't even begin to cover it.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

"Happy birthday Angel..." Kisame purred, crouching down over the much shorter man's form to slide his arms around him and squeeze.

Itachi resisted the random urge to burst into giddy laughter and leaned, or more like fell, backward into him. "As if twenty-five is anything to celebrate..." He said, focusing rather hard not to slur but doing it anyway and not caring much. Kisame's mouth, pressed into the crook of his neck and shoulder, stretched into a grin.

"As hilarious as you're being, I think you need to stop drinking the punch. And if you complain that you're getting old one more time Angel, then I'm going to launch myself into a mid-life crisis."

"Immature idiots... Everyone here is my age or older and yet someone still spikes the punch..." Itachi murmured, pushing off of his lover to attempt standing on his own, swaying in place. "So damn good though. What  _is_  this? I've got to figure out who did it and ask. Coconut? I taste coconut..."

In a smooth motion the cup was taken fro his hand by his gentle giant of a boyfriend and set one the table. with extremely high-pitched and whiny protests, he was guided away from the table. "I can probably solve that puzzle, Babe, with one simple question. Who is the most inappropriate, immature person you know that's currently in this building?"

Itachi's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Deidara."

A snort that was quickly stifled came from Kisame. "He's not even in your graduating class, 'Tachi. You're the one who told the kid on the way that he wouldn't be here. I was thinking more like, you know,  _the kid?"_

"Well it's a damn good thing he's not here!" Itachi declared loudly as Kisame guided him to the bleachers and forced him to sit down. "I'd have a few choice words to say to that degenerate. Hida still wants to wring his neck. He made my senior year hell on Earth!"

"Are you sure you don't want to go home Angel?" Kisame said, gentle but anxiously.

"Absolutely not!" Itachi said, throwing an arm in what was supposed to just be a wave but slapped onto Kisame's chest and fell limply into his lap, where the Uchiha stared at it as if it had just moved on his own until bursting into laughter.

Torn between extreme amusement and concern for his dangerously drunken lover, Kisame smirked and sighed. Itachi noticed, and made an attempt to control himself, taking a few deep breaths and clearing his throat. "I'm sorry. Anyway, I'm not going home until I've seen Yahiko and Nagato, and Hidan is supposed to do a few numbers after this band is done. He swears up and down that Dr. Hoku promised he'd at least come to watch him perform, and I want to witness that as well."

He seemed to consider something for a moment, then started chuckling again. "Hida is up to something, he was far too eager to come tonight. Did you  _see_  that smile he was wearing before he jumped from the car and ran in?"

"Yes, I also saw the big-ass bottle of coconut rum he was hiding in his suit jacket..." The older man muttered, sighing and scanning the area. He remembered the brothers from the night of Hidan's twenty-third birthday party, they had certainly seemed like the type Hidan and Itachi would hang out with, an even mixture of mischief and keen intelligence balanced between the both of them. He and Itachi had been here nearly an hour, Itachi mingling and reminiscing, filling other men and women in with his subtle bragging and catty smirks. Kisame was lead around in between increasingly numerous trips to the table with all the heavily spiked punch and paraded like some prize winning, preened and pampered pet of Itachi's. For only a moment it had started to bother him, the lingering glances that these strangers gave him as he followed his younger lover, and then the alcohol had taken affect and soon Itachi was clinging and swooning over him, abandoning his quest to boast how wonderful his life was despite being gay and disowned by his family in favor of simply having a good, drunken time.

That had been beyond entertaining for awhile, but now the man was coming close to that tipping point that turned respectable, intelligent people into drooling, sex-crazed idiots looking for any excuse to embarrass themselves. And it now became Kisame's job to take care of him and keep him from doing such a thing. If not for Itachi's sake then for his own. There were two types of hungover Itachi; adorable, vulnerable, cuddly, sweet Itachi, and the raging beast from the deepest pits of hell pent on destroying anything and everything that came into his range of vision. Kisame had never been much of a gambler, so better safe than sorry.

He didn't have much control over the kid and Kakuzu situation. But he could at least make an effort to find those two brothers, surely they were here by now. He vaguely remembered them mentioning at the last party that they owned their own private plane...

"I don't know why you're so keep to blame it on Hidan, Kisame. He's really matured recently, what with online college and finally quitting those cigarettes. I don't think he'd do something so impulsive..."

"Angel... "Kisame said, doing his best not to laugh. "Do you remember what he told you just before he jumped out?"

"That he was finally going to get the stick out of Kakuzu's ass?"

"Well yes, I imagine that related to it too. He also told you 'Stick to the water fountain, ya fuckin' lightweight.'" The bigger man recited in a rather accurate impression.

"Hn..." Itachi's face twisted in concentration before it went slack, as if that were the most outlandish thing to happen in the world. "Oh my God... He did, didn't he?"

He couldn't help but laugh. "Don't get too worked up over it. These reunions have a way of making people turn back into teenagers. Shoulda seen mine. After three hours half my classmates had this idea to just go have a camp-out on the field, These were grown men and women, mind you."

"That's an interesting thought..." Itachi said, looking for a moment as if deep in thought until he glanced up and saw Kisame's expression and started giggling again. "Only kidding, Kisa. " He shoved himself back up to his feet, dusting himself off as if just the thought had gotten him dirty. "Can you even imagine me doing anything remotely similar to  _camping?_  Please..."

Before the larger man had the time to picture the image Itachi suddenly shouted and took off. With a quick glance in direction he moved Kisame caught a bright flash of orange, unruly hair amidst a crowd of people and made off to catch up with him, smirking.

 

.

 

"So have you two tied the knot yet then?" Yahiko laughed, giving Itachi a playful shove then taking another sip of the large cup of punch the little weasel had nonchalantly forced them to drink.

"Of course not. It's yet to be legalized here. Doesn't matter anyway, it's just a piece of paper, and anyway can you even imagine the uproar it would cause?" The Uchiha replied, squeezing Kisame's bicep that he had been off and on nuzzling during the entire encounter with the brothers. "It took nearly a year for the ignorant people of this town to finally stop looking at us as if we were visitors from another planet."

"How rude of them." Nagato's wife stated with a peaceful smile. Konan, Kisame had learned, was actually a very intelligent and reserved woman, despite the carefully maintained, navy blue dye-job of her hair and the lip piercing. "I admire your courage to remain in such a small city."

"Well, even in the larger towns there's still a fuss being made. " Yahiko's wife mentioned casually. "But there's always a fuss over one thing or another. Gay marriage, pollution, politics, scandals among celebrities... It never ends."

"One learns to tune it out." Konan agreed, pausing to take a drink. "We all were just in the paper just last week after word leaked we'd be taking a weekends vacation to come here. You wouldn't believe the terrible things people have said, the ordeal they've made out of something so small."

"I do actually." Itachi said back. "I couldn't imagine being in a position of power like you two. The pressure you must be under.."

"That's where vacations come in." Yahiko said, laughing.

More casual banter was exchanged before, for some reason (Kisame had to bite his tongue rather hard to keep from laughing) the two ladies started to feel a bit tipsy and thought they might go and sit down. The four men decided to continue re-meeting old friends soon after that, and meandered through the gymnasium.

Once he was sure Itachi could once again handle himself and wasn't going to consume any more of the punch, Kisame slipped away from the group as well, first to use the restroom and then just to stand against the walls next to the doors propped open and decorated heavily with cheap balloons and streamers in the school colors and people-watch.

Kisame wasn't normally one to contemplate things, from the meaning of the universe to simply thinking of and revisiting the past, trying to comprehend how things had turned out the way they are now. It was a funny thing though, to him. He wasn't so much an emotional soul... He felt things strongly yes, but didn't dwell on things. Simply flowing with the current of time, content, as known by now, to take the things that occurred within his life by stride. And now he couldn't help but just feel... proud, but not in such a smug manner. Complacent but gracious.

Optimistic would be a good word to describe the man, leaned against the wall, arms crossed against his chest, supporting his weight on one foot, smiling softly. Time was a thing that dragged on and on and yet snuck by with the stealth of a shadow in a dark room. Three years, it had been now, since he'd finally started a relationship with Itachi. He'd never had any sort of relationship last that long, and despite being an optimist, he was a realist, too. The feeling wears off, eventually, that 'honeymoon stage' as some people called it. The excitement of being in a new relationship fades away without either party noticing and everything becomes normal, expected, taken for granted.

Waking up every day beside them is just a thing that happens, as much as breathing. Seeing them every day, their reactions, their way of thinking, becomes second nature, a second part of yourself, like a second personality inside your brain. The excitement goes away, habits form and become meaningless, a kiss goodbye for work, a hug hello when you return...

These things were facts, they were just things that happened as part of life, part of being human, and they weren't dissatisfying to him because he wasn't one to ponder the deep, cosmic meanings behind every word and action.

But... Three years... In three years time these things happened, going through the motions each day... yet he was fully aware. And that's what struck him as funny. That beautiful devilish angel of a man was still there, still as interesting as ever though it had long ago come to the point where Kisame could always predict his thoughts and actions to a very close common denominator. He was familiar with it, it was the same, and yet it still intrigued him.

Life, quite simply, was good. And for some reason that was hilarious.

Because who would have thought? With all the terrible words that had been spewed toward him in those few years, people that had previously been nothing but pleasant turned into rabid dogs with fangs bared. With the opposite reaction, some people thought it was the most beautiful thing they'd ever seen, people who had no idea who he was, supporting him and making so many statements about his personality as if they had any idea. Itachi's warning even, his negative reactions to any attention at all given to them, sighing, hard glares, clenched teeth.

And none of it even mattered. Because Life was good.

He was snapped suddenly out of his thoughts as a loud screeching came over the mic and what he knew distinctly was Itachi's piercing whistle (He was the one who'd taught him how to do it) erupted into the air, echoing off the walls. The three men who'd been singing idly in the background were no longer on the stage, leaving only band in the background. And then on walked the Kid, that guitar slung over his back, pink eyes studiously scanning each and every face in the general vicinity. For a moment it almost looked as if he was pissed, then a sheepish grin broke out and he flipped off someone, probably Itachi, in the audience.

On stage again... Kisame laughed to himself. He sure did like attention didn't he?

Kakuzu and Hidan, oh God, if  _his_  life was humorous to him, theirs was hysterical. That kid, well, the Ocean-loving man didn't have any words to accurately describe him. Though, in all fairness, referring to him as 'the kid' was not all that sensible anymore either. But, much like an Uncle would think of his nephew, Hidan San simply couldn't be anything else to him. despite all odds and even the occasional friendly bet here an there, he really had grown up, in a manner of speaking. Still swore like a sailor, had the same oblivious, dismissive, and obnoxious attitude and general personality as he had when they'd first met. And yet somehow he was a completely different person.

Of course he didn't know the details, Itachi was intently focused on trying to assure him that he had changed, and on so many levels he had. But really, people don't change, not at the core.

Music once again filled the gymnasium, and Hidan's voice bounced out over the chattering of those too consumed in their conversation to care about a change of music.

 _"Love me cancerously..."_ Hidan sang, and again Kisame laughed, not really even knowing why.

_"Like a salt sore soaked in the sea. 'High maintenance' means; You're a gluttonous queen. Narcissistic and mean."_

In three years the kid was still 'the kid' and yet no longer just a kid. Immature but in a way that seemed far more mature than anything. As he understood it he was now working to become not only Kakuzu's mere employee, but his understudy. Wanting to work alongside the man instead of just with him, and at the same time still casually attending to his own new persona, playing that guitar and singing around at social functions, managing two separate lives, almost. He was Itachi's best friend, rebellious and carefree. He was Kakuzu's still secret lover, responsible and somehow possessing the intelligence it took to keep such a thing unknown right under the noses of society. And also still just 'the kid', bat shit crazy and unpredictable even in his lucid moments.

_"Kill me romantically! Fill my soul with vomit and ask me for a piiieeece of gum!"_

No, he didn't know the details. He didn't know where he and Kakuzu stood, but he knew without a doupt that the old man, still his best friend aside from Itachi, seemed to still be committed to the relationship. Every time they met it was 'Hidan did  _this,_ and That idiot did  _that_.' And on and on and on. Complaining and griping and yet always in a way that made Kisame roll his eyes for the fact that his eyes, always hard and calculating and piercing, shifted every single time.

_"Bitter and dumb! You're my sugar plumb._

_You're awful... I love you!"_

When they were together, bickering and fighting, insult for insult. Snarling and barking and shouting and even restrained violence like two wild animals fighting over something that only they understood, neither willing to give up. But even during those times they looked at each other, glaring and hating to anyone else but communicating in some way even the master of human psychology, Itachi Uchiha, was unsure of labeling, despite recognizing it.

_"Oooh. But HE moves through moonbeams slowly. HE knows just how to hold me. And when his edges soften, HIS body is my coffin!"_

Like a convoluted game they played, intentional and yet natural at the same time. To anyone else they hated each other, even to themselves. The fighting was real, by all means, they were angry, restless, stubborn men, the both of them. That's why it worked, neither would let go, neither would give up, and that kept the thread there, strong and unyielding. They fed off each other, why would they ever need anything else when they had this unending challenge right there?

_"I know he drains me slowly. Well he wears me down to booones in beeed. Oooh it must be the sign on my heeaaaddd that Says 'LOVE ME DEAD!'"_

It made sense. It made sense for them to be together. It made sense for them to not be together. It made sense that Kakuzu would pose himself as a mentor, guiding this poor lost soul, with the history that he had, back to where he should be. It made sense that the kid would both accept and reject it. 'I will be both, insane and sane. Good and bad. Upstanding and degenerate.' Whispers and rumors could float around and people could form their opinions, 'They're together' 'They're obviously not' because no matter what the two did it was real, and unquestionable, and it made sense. They didn't even have to pretend. And in this hilarious and demented way it was a very rare and interesting and beautiful thing.

_"You're a faith-healer o-on T.V. You're an office park without any trees. Corporate and cold, GUSHING FOR GOLD! Leave me alone!"_

Hidan's eyes suddenly focused on him, staying there, locked on with an intensity and some hidden message that snapped him from his thoughts and had him feeling instantly uncomfortable. Then that grin ripped it's way across his face and with a bit of squinting, Kisame realized he wasn't looking at him, he was looking directly next to him. And before that thought was processed his head snapped over, and he had to hold back the bubbling laughter that nearly exploded from his as he saw who he was looking at. Standing there with an expression that would certainly kill the kid right where he stood if mere looks could do such a thing.

So Kakuzu had shown up after all. But, he didn't seem to have noticed Kisame standing there where he was, and acting more on impulse than anything, he slipped around the small indention of the wall that jutted out just far enough for him to hide his hulking form. As long as Kakuzu didn't move from that spot, at least.

People had taken notice of Hidan's energetic singing, and the fact that he emphasized the fact that he was singing about a man so unmistakably. There was an even mix of people staring up at the albino, and other, more sober people who'd noticed his indiscreet staring and followed it, thus staring at Kakuzu-Who looked almost as if he were about to burst a blood vessel.

_"We SUCK so passionately! Well I'm a parasitic psycho, filthy creature finger-banging your heart. I call you up drunk, 'Does the fun ever start?'_

_You're hideous... AND SEXY!"_

An arm suddenly looped through his, making his heart skip a beat though he managed to remain calm outwardly. Without looking he knew who it was, but for safe measures he turned to see a very concerned Itachi staring at Kakuzu.

Charcoal eyes flicked up to meet his and without words a mutual understanding was exchanged between them. Hidan was doing something stupid, in public. This happened a lot, but this was different. Kakuzu was always angry, always grouchy and unfriendly. But at the moment the man was so still and so tense, radiating fury in a way that almost made Kisame's imaginative mind able to physically see the air distorted around him from the pure heat of his rage.

Other patrons apparently could see it too, luckily for Hidan most of them were moderately drunk, if not plastered by now. And if they understood  _why_  he was pissed, they didn't seem to show it. Like animals sensing an approaching storm, the crowd shifted and seemed to move away from him slowly. 'Seemed' being the key word, Kisame honestly had no idea what was happening at his point because he was busy watching his dear old friend as close as possible and also trying to figure out what the fucking hell Hidan was doing.

'Get the stick out of his ass.' More like get himself killed.

"Kisame..." Itachi said, quiet but still loud enough to hear over the music.

"Anyone want to tell me what the hell's going on?" Yahiko slurred suddenly, stumbling up next to them. "And why the girls just bolted back to the hotel as if someone told them there was a bomb?"

_"He moves through moonbeams slowly! He knows just how to hold me!"_

"Who is that man?" Nagato added, following closely and holding his liquor much better than his twin brother. "I don't remember him being a teacher, he's far too old to have been a student..."

"I'm sensing some pretty severe hostility. Are we about to witness something we shouldn't?"

Itachi looked between them, considering something very deeply. Kisame sighed in anxiety and also vague relief. Right, as far as anyone else knew, they hated each other. Maybe the kid wasn't even singing to or at or about Kakuzu. These two didn't know anything about Hidan's involvement with this man, but the town knew that the associated together quite often. And those that did know would probably assume that Hidan had just done something incredibly stupid, as opposed to the incredibly stupid thing he was continuing to do.

_"And when his edges soften.. His booody is myyy coffin."_

He turned around, setting his hands gently on Itachi's tiny shoulders. "Angel, please tell me that the Dejavu I'm sensing is unrelated to the actual situation."

Still silent, the Uchiha's eyes regarded him for a moment, and then slowly opened wider, then wider, and even wider. They flicked from Kakuzu, who hadn't moved so much as to even blink, then to Hidan, no longer looking at Kakuzu and instead engrossing into acting out the lyrics of the song with dramatic and moving and the occasional vulgar gesture. Itachi and Kisame had come out after he'd performed on stage, changing up the lyrics to a song ever so slightly to undeniably state that he and the younger man were involved. Then again they had never gone to the measures that Kakuzu and Hidan had to remain a secret. The kid wasn't using Kakuzu's name, wasn't doing anything other than implying, and for the people who knew Hidan, even that had only met him briefly, that could just be the idiot being an idiot or it could actually mean something.

_"I know he drains me slowly. He wears me down to booones iiinnn beeeedddd. Ooooh must be the sign on myyyy HEEAAADDD! That says 'OOOOOOOHH LOVE ME DEAD!"_

Regaining his composure as Hidan burst into a guitar solo,( which was strangely well coordinated with the song considering it usually required an electric guitar and the kid still just had his acoustic one) Itachi cleared his throat and turned back to the brothers, still anxiously awaiting explanations. "Hidan is just playing a very, very dangerous game." He explained, though eyeing them and waving in a combination that said he would explain in fuller detail later.

"Yeah, that's kind of obvious." Yahiko sighed back. "When is he ever not testing the limits of his mortality?"

"Who is that?" Nagato inquired again. "Why on Earth does he seem to want to kill Hidan? Really, acting that way... Especially in front of these people..."

 _Not nearly as many as had been at the party..._  Kisame couldn't help but think idly to himself. Not that it mattered, even if there were only one person here Kakuzu would still be just as furious.

"Doctor Hoku is... Hidan's manager. Simply speaking."

"You mean as a musician?"

"No. He is his actual boss. They work together. He's also sort of his 'keeper', as far as the law's concerned. A 'mentor?' I think they called it?" Itachi spoke quickly in a rambley and un-Itachi sort of way that was putting the eldest of the group extremely on edge. Granted, he was probably still very intoxicated, as it had only been a matter of minutes since he cut him off. But still...

"That still doesn't explain what's happening right now..."

"Indeed. You'd think as a mentor he would wait until Hidan wasn't at a public function with all these eyes on him to make whatever statement he's trying to make."

Itachi sighed sharply. "I'll explain everything later." He dismissed. "Kisame... I don't know if we should get involved in this one or not."

Oh thank God. "You know what Angel, a hasty retreat sounds like a hell of a strategic move."

"Kakuzu is also Kisame's best friend." Itachi explained, "Kakuzu is Doctor Hoku. Kakuzu Hoku."

The brothers exchanged a look with each other. Hidan's guitar solo ended and he burst out into song again,  _"How's your new boy? Does he know about me? You've got the mark of a be-east! YOU'RE BORN OF A JACKAL! You're beautifuu-uuuuuuulll!"_  Then continued on into the chorus of the song at which point Kakuzu finally started forward, walking slowly in a way that made it seem as if he were perfectly calm again. Hidan eyed him the whole time, they looked back and forth at only each other as if they were the only things to exist in the universe.

_"OooooOOOOOHHH_

_Lo-hooo-o-ove!"_

Kakuzu steps up to the stage, standing just below Hidan, still belting out vocals with the reverberating volume only he of anyone Kisame knew, Even a furious Kakuzu, could do. Kisame, Itachi, and the Ame brothers all watched with as much focus as the four could muster between them, Itachi's nails digging into his lovers arm in the suspense. He didn't even feel it, he was far too busy dealing with picking between the two options he had at this point, running or staying.

_"Mee-heeeeeeee!"_

Still no words between them, only the conversations that existed purely between Kakuzu's unbreakable, intense death glare and Hidan's mischievously amused expression.

_DEAD!"_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

"The thing about life is that it doesn't like to make sense..."

 

_Hidan sat on his couch, the lights in his apartment off, the only sounds to break through the silence were those from outside and the steady ticking of the the yellowed blinds of his windows shone the remnants of the streetlamp that made it from the street to that very window facing out against the alley through possibly the power of Will alone._

"The thing about life... is that it will try to  _kill you_  at every chance it gets. And I'm not talking about random circumstance, I'm not just talking about sudden death. It will pick of pieces of you, peeling off layer after layer, chipping off one tiny grain of sand at a time. It will mold you and shape you into something you didn't realize you were becoming. It will take that realization and shove it into a mirror and hold it constantly in front of your face every second of the day until you feel completely stripped of every ounce of power you have."

_In his hands was a newspaper, just published today. He wasn't normally one to buy newspapers, but they were delivered to the clinic free of charge as a 'gift' from the city (A.k.a. the taxpayers of the town, but whatever they cost a damn nickle.) Kakuzu liked to read them, because he was wise and practiced and liked to know what was going on in the town even if he never spoke or did anything about it. But Hidan usually didn't. Most of the town didn't care about him, and he didn't care to put forth the effort to pretend he did either. But today, he'd had to stop and grab it after a name caught his eye. He'd dropped the damn thing in his haste and the pages went everywhere, and after scooping them all back up he'd used the entire lunch hour scanning over every article, every advertisement, trying to find the one he'd glimpsed just a second ago._

"The thing about life is that you don't always die when it kills you... And if you're confused, revert back to the very first thing I said when I stepped up on this fucking stage. Keep up with me here, I'm not as young as you guys anymore I can't keep fucking repeating myself." He moved with jerky hand movements of dismissal and annoyance that the moderately small cluster of teens seemed to find funny. He grinned that grin at them, just scanning for a moment, still wondering to himself what the hell would ever possess him to do something like this.

_He found it finally, under the obituaries. One, small little square barely big enough for him to fit his thumb inside, that was the thing that he'd seen, out of all these millions of words, he'd seen it. And as he read the single line over and over again, unsure at the moment of how to even feel the mass amount of emotions fighting to be noticed within him, his fists clenched, and he felt something as plain as breaking a finger, break somewhere inside him._

_'Asuma Sarutobi - age 46 - beloved husband and father finally gives in to the fight against cancer and passes peacefully in his sleep.'_

 

"And it hurts. You think it hurts when your best friend calls you a whore behind your back? You think it hurts when you break up with your boyfriend? Not just chicks, guys too. I don't fucking know what hurts you because you're probably all assholes anyway..." He paused for a moment as they laughed again briefly, before they noticed that his serious expression wasn't changing. "That's  _nothing_  compared to when life kills you, because it's not a sudden break, it's just the very last cord snapping, the very last chop to a big tree. Life kills you slowly and methodically and you can't do shit about it because you don't know it's happening, even if you think you do, you don't. But there's a thing about that too. The thing is, when you don't die, it means something. There's no goddamn cosmic force out there trying to communicate to you, God's too busy to deal with your petty shit so don't even go there. It's just one simple fucking thing, takes forever to figure out but when you do you feel like a dumb ass for the next ten years..." More laughter, at least they were listening. The principal seemed to think it was going well, judging by the nod she gave him when he glanced to her. And Kakuzu, over on the other side standing only where Hidan could see him, was also listening very intently. His face was impassive and stoic as ever, but by now Hidan could read his expression when there wasn't even one, it had only been twelve years now.

 

_Then he'd been back at his old apartments. Someone had long moved in to the one he and Itachi used to share, but that didn't concern him any. He slipped around the big evergreen on the side of the building opposite the driveway and tiptoe'd to the back, peeking around the corner of the building, into the patio door. Inside sat the bitch that had gotten him arrested, laying on the couch in a way that almost made her look as if she were a dead body. Her eyes stared unfocused up at the ceiling, every muscle limp and un-moving. Except for the nearly unnoticeable rise and fall of her chest, Hidan might have actually thought she were dead. Her child, a toddler now, sat on the carpet in front of the coffee table, switching back and forth between trying to force a square peg into a round hole and watching the television, angled away so Hidan couldn't see what was playing. Asuma had stayed strong, lasted for 2 entire years battling against that virus inside him, the one that had turned him from a normal, healthy human to a walking corpse in a manner of weeks. Hidan couldn't believe in any universe that the man had simply 'gone peacefully in his sleep'. His wife was an evil harpie bitch, but he didn't stick around to witness that scene anymore._

_He thought to himself, he'd probably rather look at the corpse._

 

"It's the same shit that every arrogant dumb ass and every ignorant little shitter says to you. You just can't give up. And I'm not saying that even as motivational, I'm saying you  _really can't fucking give up_. You can't. I know, I tried, dozens of times. It won't work, so don't even fucking go there.

Everyone will comfort you and feed you all kinds of sweet little nothings in your ear. 'Everything happens for a reason', that's my fucking favorite, what a load of shit. Life is random, life is a little bored sadistic child and you're it's toy, it's not fucking contemplating how it's going to affect your life by shoving your head in the mud, it's just doing it because it's fun to watch you squirm. Shit doesn't happen for a reason, but every single damn thing that happens, everything you survive, because a part of your arsenal, and your armor. And the next time that bitch shoves your head in the mud you can take it like a fucking man and then get up and walk away. The kid gets bored and finds another way to torture you, not much of a fucking victory, but a victory none-the-less."

 

_And now, in his dark apartment, alone, he sat, holding that newspaper, with the image of the nearly lifeless body of a dead man's wife laying on the couch, and a dead man's child playing on the floor, blissfully unaware, burned into his mind. They would move away, he knew somehow instinctively, just like he knew everything she was feeling just from the look of absolute nothingness seeping from the woman's eyes. They would move away and there was nothing he would ever be able to do, as a person, for that kid or for that woman. He saw the pain in their future like a movie playing before his eyes, he knew what that kid would go through because he knew that his mother had given up and he was as good as an orphan now._

_But, Hidan himself was a shining example of what could become of someone like that. He was an example any way you looked at it, he had the experience of dealing with any result that came of any reaction one made to that reaction. And again something snapped, with a twang and an echo, and he suddenly realized that it wasn't enough. Nothing he was doing was enough. Nothing he could ever do was enough but what he was doing right now... what the hell was he even doing right now?!_

 

"With every victory you gain some knowledge to handle the next one that comes at you. You learn what works and what doesn't. You learn how much you can handle and you learn who will help you out when you can't handle anymore. You kids, you're gonna be my age before any of this sinks in. Trust me, I was just like you not so long ago. I didn't give a shit, If I were you listening to the guy standing here talking to you now, I'd fucking laugh in his face. I know you're not listening, no all of you. And you know what, you'll fuckin' figure it out. Life hasn't dug you outta the toy box yet but she fucking will. But some of you, I can see just looking at your faces you've been in the mud since birth. You're the fuckers listening, and you're the fuckers I'm talking to. This is the advice I'm giving you and if you get confused, once again, dig back through your memory and remember the first fuckin' thing I said."

 

_With the sudden determination he'd always had the luck to possess, he ripped the pack of cigarettes from his pocket and crushed them in his hand, throwing them across the room as hard as they could. It wasn't enough, he wasn't doing anything. He was still whining and crying even though he had more than enough means to do something._

_"Fuck it." He said, grabbing his coffee table, a cheap hunk of fake wood glued together, and threw it too._

_"FUCK IT!" He shrilled, starting into a chuckle that escalated until he was laughing hysterically like a madman, destroying his apartment and all of his possessions._

 

"Fuck it." He said now, pausing to grin at all the faces contorted in confusion, all the brows risen now and the punk kids staring at him as if he were the dumbest fucker on earth.

"Just... fuck it." He said nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders and pausing again. "You're all gonna interpret that in a different way. There's no way to explain it to you. It's like I said, you're gonna spend what feels like forever figuring it out, and when you do... fuck it. A friend of mine said it a different way, 'Follow your arrow.' Her's is probably a little more friendly as far as language goes but you know what, just fuuuuck iiiit." As this point he stepped away from the podium, waving at them with both arms as if to push the entire audience away. Then he lunged back, slamming both hands on it and leaning forward.

"You get an idea in your head. Do it. Fuck it. Just don't fuck with other peoples lives. You see something you want, get it. Fuck it. Just don't fuck with other peoples shit. Anything you want to fucking do, just fucking do it, as long as the direct result isn't going to dunk anyone else's head in the mud. Get it? Follow your arrow, Fuck it. You are never going to know where you want to be until you get there, and you're never going to figure out how to get there, so fuck it. Keep going till you find it.

And most importantly, If you hear nothing else that I've fucking said today, pay attention. Because here it is. Your problems are  _your fucking fault._  The second you go blaming how you feel or where you are or what you're doing on other people, you're giving up, and probably you should just go kill yourself."

The principal cleared her throat, Hidan only held a hand out to her. "Shut up bitch I'm preaching wisdom here." Another round of laughter, dark glares from the principal. "This is reality. Sappy sayings and shit are nothing more than sappy sayings unless you're going to fucking utilize them. That's about all I can give to you guys. 95% of you are assholes, just like I was. You're going to walk away thinking 'this dick doesn't know anything about me.' And you lot can go fuck yourselves because I don't care. You're not going to listen no matter what, and I don't say that out of spite I say that out of experience. So fuck it. But the rest of you, I'm not kidding around, I'm not spitting out jargon and shit, and I'm certainly not here because of some campaign or some shit or even of my own conscience.

I've been told many times that I have this way about me that makes people stop and look. And they one of two things. 'He's a fucking lunatic,' or 'He's a fucking genius.' Honestly I think they're out of their minds, it doesn't take an ounce of intelligence to understand. But regardless, that's a strength of mine. And I'm using it. Nothing more, nothing less. Listen or don't, because fuck it. It's your goddamn life, I finally got mine figured out. I'm done." He paused for a moment, crossing his arms across his chest, halfway glaring at the eyes glued to him. He turned to look at Kakuzu, still there, standing in absolute stillness and silence, making no reaction at all to this speech.

 

_"So I'm gonna go back to school."_

_"What?"_

_"Yeah, online. Ain't technology the shit?"_

_"Hidan what are you-"_

_"I had this idea, you know, I'm not gonna settle anymore."_

_"...Settle?"_

_"Yeah. I always had this dumb idea in my head that I'd never really amount to anything you know. And I seen that my old neighbor finally shit the brick. And I saw that dumb bitch who got me arressted and his kid, just sitting in there. And it really bugged me. And I realized that this fucker I hardly even knew was having this huge impact on my life, but it sucks that he had to die in order to do it."_

_"Can I at least finish this form before you start your blabbering? Moving an entire doctor's clinic to a new building isn't exactly something that can be done while halfway paying attention."_

_"Yeah, yeah Old man just listen for a sec. See I realized that, and I realized all the times I'd tried to die, and couldn't. So here's the thing, I'm not going to fucking settle anymore until I'm dead. Fuck it, Kakuzu. I'm gonna just keep going. It makes so much sense, I feel like an idiot."_

_"I'm glad you've finally accepted it. Now shut your trap."_

_"...Well... anyway... My and Itachi's class reunion is this Friday. I want you to come, I'm gonna play a song."_

_"Whatever will get you to shut up, Hidan."_

 

* * *

 

Itachi squealed when it happened, damn that alcohol. Those two sat there staring at each other, Hidan on that stage, placing him 4 feet taller than Kakuzu. Kisame's chest kind of twisted tight as Hidan suddenly shifted, and he rolled his eyes and turned away to go get himself some punch.

Kakuzu's voice boomed for a second after the song ended and the band stopped playing to also stare at the two. "What the hell do you think-"

And in that second Hidan lunged forward, tackling the man to the ground. Kisame winced, Itachi squealed, the Ame brothers mouths dropped open in shocked silence. The entire crowd seemed to gasp simultaneously when the doctor and the degenerates mouths pressed together, Hidan straddled across and pinning the older man to the ground.

The moment lasted forever, those two just laying there, even the old man himself seemed to be at a loss for anything to do. When they finally broke apart, Hidan looked up, his eyes wild and excited and challenging, meeting each persons stunned gaze.

"What the FUCK you gonna do about it!?" He snarled, then kissed him again.

 

* * *

 

He looked back out at the gathering of teenagers, and then chuckled. "I'm getting married to a doctor. He's twice my age and the biggest asshole you'll ever meet but I'm gonna fuckin' marry him. Because I want to." He said then, sending everyone in the gymnasium into full-confusion. "He doesn't know it but it's going to happen. Because fuck it. Just wanted you to know that.

Follow Your Arrow.

Fuck it.

I don't give a goddamn what you do but that's about all I have to fucking say."

With that he waved and started walking off to the side of the stage, grinning that same grin at Kakuzu, whore glared the usual glare in return.

"That was unnecessary." He ground out when Hidan stopped in front of him, chest to chest, smirking as if he'd just done the most clever thing in the world.

"Tch." He rolled his pigment-less eyes, pushed to his tip-toes and gave him a peck, and then side-stepped him.

"That's a fucking proposal is what that was, you old bastard."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for reading, I hope you all Enjoyed. Don't hesitate to tell me your thoughts, I've gotten a lot of pointers to develop this hobby of mine with and I always appreciate feedback, good or bad.  
> Just don't be a dick m'kay?
> 
> ((Song used in this chapter is 'Love Me Dead' by Ludo.))


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